Tag: Univision Deportes

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches – more UEFA women’s Champions League in our lives

Time for our last two matches of the Midweek Edition.  Fine, quality footyball to be found in both.   This, despite how bonkers Wednesday got in the writing.

Remember to scroll farther down for Tues. and Wed. results.  And to consider following SoccerNoobUSA on the tweeter.  And to patronize establishments which have replaced plastic straws with alternatives like bamboo.

Thursday

  1. Zurich vs. Honka – UEFA women’s Champions League

How little parity is there in the women’s game?  There are six matches being played today in this event, all second legs.  Every home team today is ahead on aggregate, meaning they all won their away games.  No draws even.

This is the closest one.  More, both were champions of their domestic leagues last season.  Zurich won 0-1 in Finland.  They get a chance to wrap this up neatly at home in Switzerland today.

RESULT:   Zurich   5-1      Fabienne Humm with the first three scores

  1. Olimpija Llubljana vs. Gorica – Slovenia Liga

It’s a lighter day for league games – not uncommon.   There are tons of FA Cup matches form various countries Noobites can Google up.  But none of the “big” countries’ events are far enough along to catch my eye today, while the ones who are a little deeper into their tournaments are “smaller” nations’.

So, welcome to the #30 league in Europe, nestled lovingly between Romania and Slovakia, just below average ordinally.  These clubs are #B and #3 about ten matches into their season.

O.J. trail historic and current #1 Maribor by four in the table.  Gorica have overachieved to this point.  They don’t have nearly the offense of any other team in the top half of the league.  Nor do they play the defense to make up for that.  They’ve lost just one (four wins, four draws).  But today, that total gets doubled.

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for ljubljana funny

 

So long from Ljubljnana, home of Olimpija and the Museum of Illuisions!

(Noob assumes these patrons are actually real.)

 

Wednesday 

#B.  Houston Dynamo vs. Philadelphia Union – U.S. Open Cup

The final!  $300,000 cash prize on the line, plus an automatic berth into the next CONCACAF Champions League.  Bet there will be a spit-polished fancy trophy, too.

Not all the teams have been playing all their starters leading up to today.  Understandable, saving energies for league games.  Noob’s not at all sure why Houston’s bothered.  Their GD holds up, indicates they’re a capable bunch.  But waaaay too many draws have them down in 10th in the West.  They won’t catch a sniff of the league Playoffs.

Meanwhile, Philly is here for the third time in five years.  They’re 5th in the much tougher-at-the-top Eastern Conference.  Goal differential is negative, but they’re win-or-bust.  Just four draws all season.

New Jersey-born Bedoya attacking midfielder gets talked a lot about being the key to the Unioin’s success.  Mayhaps.   But Noob thinks the key man for them will their Czech international Borek Dockal.  He leads the league in assists.  After a comparatively quiet September, Philly needs him controlling possession and servicing passes like a champ.

The Dynamo have been seemingly all over the map stylistically in league of late.   Will keeper Joe Wills have to make a barrage of saves because they’ll be sending everyone forward?  Whether they do or not, look for Colombian international forward Mauro Monatas to get in the scoring early.  He doesn’t convert a high percentage of his chances, yet ranks sixth in league goal-scoring.

Noob thinks this is very even matchup.  If you live where gambling is legal and can get straight-up odds, take Houston.  Philly didn’t capture the title in either of their last two tries.  And the road is the road, woefully hard to win on it any given day.   (8:00 PM EST, ESPN2)

RESULT:   Houston   3-0       Monatas with a pair of first-half scores

Image result for letter B trophy

 

 

Number B’s design idea for the USOC trophy.

  1. NYCYC vs. Chicago Fire – Major League Soccer

Your ‘Muricuhn soccer undercard is this one, the only league match today.  And it’s what Noob deems a “Hiccup Watch”.  NYCFC should – on paper – beat them handily, especially at home.  Or will they have a hiccup.

In Match #B, Noob noted the East was the tougher conference, but at the top specifically.  The West is stronger when comparing teams in similar positions further down the standings.  Chicago are 10th in the East and not nearly as good as Houston, even independent of the latter’s appearance in the Cup Final.

That said, the Fire are showing at least a little spunk of late.  They just earned a road draw against Playoffs-bound Philly.  Right before that, they kicked the tar out of Orlando City (worst club in the East) 4-0.

Couple that with NYCFC’s current skid of late and one is forced to wonder if the Fire can’t get a result tonight.  The Blues have faced six straight Postseason-caliber teams and beaten none of them.  Really, they haven’t won against a “good” team since mid-July (Columbus Crew).  The trouble?  The offense has gone Houdini on them.

Without attacking midfielder Jesus Medina still likely out (hamstring), veteran Spanish scorer David Villa must find his early-season form.  Otherwise, Chicago is getting a scalp with which to salvage their non-Playoff wounds.   (7:00 PM, ESPN+)

RESULT:   NYCYC   2-0      David Villa with one of the goals

  1. Queretaro vs. Dorados De Sinaloa – Copa MX

Just Match #1 of the Midweek for some details about where things are in this event.

Noob goes fishing for Minnow once again!   Sinaloa are in 12th in the Ascenso.  The consider scoring to be gauche, ungentlemanly, and eschew it nearly always.

Liga MX side Pachuca are in 13th.  They score a little more against the bigger boys, but also play better defense.  They’re in 13th, but will climb.  Queretaro 2-0 today feels like an easy prediction.   (8:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Queretaro   2-1      Camilo with both goals for the victors

 

 

 

A clear ball and a funky hat.   The prognostication business feels pretty easy.

  1. Brondby vs. Juventus – UEFA women’s Champions League

The Round of 16 wraps up this week as they play the second matches of two-legged ties.

Beyond the very best few teams in the world, Noob is still desperately unversed on the women’s side of the game.  But life is long, so here’s us learning!

This is the closest tie of those being played today.  Brondby earned a 2-2 draw at Juve in the first match.  I have a general sense that Nordic countries play and host a lot of quality women’s soccer.  While that may not mean that they don’t further south, Noob looks for the Danish club to topple the Italians today.

RESULT:   Brondby   1-0

  1. Young Boys of Bern vs. St. Gallen – Switzerland Super League

Last year, St. Gallen finished midtable while sporting about the worst defense in the league.   They weren’t even that good at offense.  Early this season, they’re better on both side of the ball, sitting on 3rd as their reward.

RESULT:   YBB   2-0

Image result for Noobstradamus

 

Look who’s back —  It’s NOOBSTRADAMUS!   

He was right quick to get pissed off, point out to Noob that real prognostication isn’t for amateurs.   

 

And he’s had a vision.  God help us.

Yes.

I close my eyes, lose myself to space and time.  When I open my eyes, I know it is not in the true corporeal world.   I am having a Vision.  I am in the Vision.

I only have a vague sense of who I am, an attendant of some kind to the Duke of Zahringen, Berchtold V.  We’re out hunting.  It’s the late 12th C.  And it’s cold.  This vision sucks.

Old Berchty, as those closer to him refer to him here and now, is bored of life in Zahringen after succeeding his late father just five years in.  What better way to cure that than to, oh, found a new city. 

“I’m going to name it Berchtyland!”   He gets no response from his entourage.  “Berchtycity?”

“Perhaps you could name it after something you see, find, sire.”

Berchty’s a crabby apple, must be feeling the cold as well.  He backhands the attendant, breaking his nose.  But to his credit, he considers the idea.

“That might be too much.  Everything in Swabia has our family name all over it.  I will name the city which I shall raise here after the first animal we find!”

Everyone agreed it was a good idea.  Probably because Berchty wasn’t the sharpest knife in the kitchen and other ideas he might come up with would be more likely to be worse than better.  But a squirrel bolted across our path just then, stirring out horses.

“Squirreltyton!  Perfect!”

“Brilliant, um, but I think there is already a ‘Squirreltyton’ a few duchies west of Swabia.  You surely don’t want to be found copying anyone.”

It was total bunco.  But again, our liege is dim.  We rode on.  Stopping for a drink at a stream, the Duke saw a worm.  And he looked like he was trying to think extra hard.  

Sensing the need to avert disaster, another attendant whispered in my ear.  I nodded at his idea and sneaked off a little ways, cloak and fur hat in hand.

When the party started to remount, I started shoving branches and bushes around, making much din, from a distance.  Close enough to be seen, but just.  I had put my cloak over my head and the fur hat just so and thrashed around a bit more, growling all the while.

“My liege, look, a noble bear!  it would honor all his kind for its name to be taken for your city.”  The attendant who’d whispered this idea to me was a sly one. 

“Quite right!   We’ll name the city “Bern”, since that’s in our language.  I’ll bet he’s majestic!  Let’s kill it.  Since we’re hunting and stuff.”

Not wanting his own nose broken and leaving Noobstradamus high and dry, my peer said nothing.  The Duke, though a dolt, was a good shot.  His arrow found its mark, piercing my leg and catching an artery.  I knew I was done for. 

The best I could do was limp frantically away upstream and then throw myself in the water.  If Berchtold tracked the blood trail, found my body and discovered the ruse, he’d perhaps kill everyone in a rage.  And name the town-to-be ‘Wormyville’. 

As the cold water took me away – damn this cold again! – the lifeblood leaking out of me caught in a small eddy and formed the words ‘Bern 3-0 over St. Gallen’.  

And THAT is how you prognosticate.  You’re amateur hour, sir.  Good day.

— Noobstradamus, wait!  Noob as so many non-soccer questions for you.

I said ‘Good day’, sir!

  1. Norrkoping vs. Malmo – Sweden Allsvenskanliga

Eight points behind 1st-place AIK.  If traditional co-behemoth Malmo are going to make a move with just 1/3 of the season remaining, they’d best hop to it.

They’ll have to hope with much vigor to get a result today.  Malmo may have the better GD, but #B Norrkoping are very good, and especially so on defense.  That’s tough to get past on someone else’s pitch.

RESULT:   Norrkoping   3-1      Kalle Holmberg with two first-half scores

  1. Maccabi Tel Aviv vs. Maccabi Haifa – Israel Toto Cup

This is not the country’s FA Cup, which is considered more important.  This tournament is just for clubs from the top two divisions.  It’s largely used to give reserves and young player a chance for minutes, plus testing out some foreign players.

Still, it’s a Final today!   The site is Petach Tikva, neutral.  MTA finished runner-up last year in the Premier, while M. Haifa were 10th.  Things are much the same early in 2018-19, as they’re #1 and #9 now.

RESULT:   MTA   2-1       They got the winning goal at 85′

Image result for toto cup trophy

 

 

A Toto Cup trophy.  

Sort of a walking taco-motif.

 

Tuesday

  1. Pachuca vs. Cafetaleros de Tapachula – Copa MX

Midweek games tend to be centered around Cup tournaments.  They save the league matches for the weekends.  In Mexico, just as the yearly league season is divided into two separate halves (Apertura and Clausura), so they also concurrently play Apertura and Clausura Cups.   This is the Apertura underway, and they’ve moved on from the Group Stage and now begin the Knockout Stage with 16 teams.

One of Noob’s great joys is looking for Minnow – lower-division underdogs – in the Cups.  Since this Copa only involves teams from the top two divisions, can’t get any more Minnow-y than last place in the D2 Ascenso.  And guess what?   Tapachula is right there.   They’re so lousy on defense, Noob wonders if they’d stand up for their own mothers.

Um, Noob?  Don’t you think it’s classier to leave the mothers out of most any contentious talk?

Thanks for chiming in, The Management.  You may be right.  But I will not be filtered!  They are awful in that half.  Probably going down to whatever hell the third tier is.  Will they even get paid?

Pachuca are in 13th in the top-tier Liga MX.  They’re GD suggests they’re better than that.   How the “Baristas” got this far is—

Noob.  “Cafetalero” is “coffee grower”.

Be still, The Management!  Just because you’re right doesn’t mean you don’t need to stow it.

How Tapachula got this far is beyond me.  On paper, Pachuca should manhandle them and their grown coffee.

Manhandle their grown coffee?   That doesn’t even make sense.  But you know what?  Carry on.

Oh, I will.  But not today muahahahahaha.   (8:00 PM EST, ESPN Deportes)

Image result for fighting with the management funny

This is why Noob does not listen to you, The Management.   

Well, not exactly why not.

RESULT:   Pachuca   3-0      Jose Leonardo Ulloa with all three goals

 

’10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday soccer matches – a world of footyball awaits!

Fridays tend to be a little lighter for soccer scheds around the world.  So we pack our bags and hit the tarmac!   Let’s Trot – learn some Fun Facts about teams and leagues from far and wide.

As always, we start close to home, then expand our soccer horizons.

  1. Atlanta United II vs. North Carolina FC – United Soccer League

Welcome to the only high-end match in America.  No MLS today, but do get one second-tier game.

ATL2 is down in 14th in the Eastern Conference.  For all the success Atlanta’s MLS side is having, their reserve team is lousy.

North Carolina is one of the USL clubs Noob has a soft spot for.  They moved over from the almost seemingly-defunct North American Soccer League.  To know why, please check out the Interviews D-Twosday page on this site.  Those are a gas, and so unreal you’ll hardly believe they’re believable.  Yup!  That came out right.

Anywho, NCFC is in 10th place.  Not scintillating, except a little when you remember each conference gets it’s top eight into the Playoffs.  They’re only three points out of 8th.

There’s a massive gulf in the table between ATL2 and those below and everyone else.  NC probably wins by a goal or two here on the road.

RESULT:   NC   1-6    Not a typo.   Cameroonian forward Ulrich Donovan Ewolo has four goals.

B.  Puebla vs. CF America – Liga MX

They’re about halfway through the Apertura (first half-season) in Mexico.  Unsurprisingly, CFA is near the top (3rd).   Puebla are in 10th.  They’re likely better than that and will climb.  They win a lot but almost never draw, which is painful in the table.

RESULT:   CF America   2-3       Puebla lead twice before giving up the winning score at 90′.  And CFA had even just lost a man to a red card at 88′.

Image result for letter B hurt

 

 

 

Can’t tell if Number B is mildly scolding or in pain, a la Puebla.

  1. Necaxa vs. Monterrey – Liga MX Femenil

Little Billy Donovan from Springfield writes:

Dear Mr. Noob,

Why do you list the Mexican men’s league before the women’s?  My mom says it’s because you’re a misogynistic – well, she’ll wash my mouth out with soap if I use the word she did.

Billy, thanks for writing in.  Wait, how did you know Noob would — know what?  Never mind.

But since you’re writing, wouldn’t your mom just end up harmlessly washing your hand if you wrote the bad word she did?  Also, she sounds like quite the hypocrite, and you can tell her Noob said so.  I’ll bet she’s not even hot.

When Noob featured matches from both leagues in the same Track, I list first whichever match is more intriguing and/or features teams that are collectively higher in their table.

Necaxa are in last in their Group.  (The league is divided into two.)  Monterrey are in 4th, need to climb two spots to make the Playoffs.   That quest moves forward today.  Visitors by a couple, easy.

RESULT:   Monterrey   0-2

  1. Wydad Casablanca vs. ES Setif – CAF Champions League

Africa’s version is in its Quarterfinals, where each matchup is a two-legged, home-and-away affair.

Noob Tracked the first leg not long back, and ES Setif took care of business at home with a 1-0 win.  Now it’s the defending champions’ turn to host.  Based on their ELO ratings (thank you, footballdatabase.com), Noob figures Wydad is easily a goal favorite at their own place, probably a 3:2 favorite with take it by two goals and advance.

RESULT:   0-0     And so the champs are OUT.  ES Setif moves on to the Semis.

Image result for Wydad Casablanca

 

 

Apparently, Wydad supporter’s know or assume Gerard Butler is a supporter, too.

  1. Cork City vs. Dundalk – League of Ireland Premier

It’s the pair of clubs longer-tenured Noobites knew would be at the top at the end, if not the order.

Defending champs Cork City are down seven points in the table.  They need a win today or the race is over.  Since it’s on their pitch, that’s more likely than not to happen.  But only by a tiny bit.  Dundalk have the advantage of only needing to play for a draw.  And they’re better on both sides of the ball, really put it all together this season.

Fun Fact:  Cork City are supporter-owned, by FORAS.  It stands for Friends of the Rebel Army and is Irish for “development”.

RESULT:   Dundalk   0-1      While it’s not a mathematical certainty, Noob’s ready to call the league finished!  Congrats to the fighting ‘Dalks!   I’m sure that’s their nickname…

  1. HJK vs. RoPS – Finland Veikkausliga

It’s all but over in Finalnd as well.  HJK lead #B RoPS by nine with just a few matches left to play.  These two play very good if not quite great D.  The difference has been HJK scores nearly twice a game on average while RoPS is only average in that department.   Today is probably coronation day for the defending titleholders.

RESULT:   HJK   3-0     Give HJK another crown!

Image result for hjk

 

 

For about two seconds, Noob didn’t notice this was a split image.

Yup.  Thought HJK fielded a giant.

  1. Zalgiris Vilnius vs. Suduva – Lithuania A Lyga

This league isn’t quite a true summer one like the above two, is only about 2/3 of the way through.  And the title race is closer.  Suduva won last year narrowly over ZV, and the margin is about the same now.

Still, ZV at home is the play if you’re such a gambling addict that Lithuanian soccer is part of your fix.  Degenerate!

Fun Fact:  Zalgiris’ supporters group are Pietų IV.   Noob has no idea how to begin to pronounce that.

RESULT:   ZV   1-0

  1. Al-Wahda vs. Al-Wasl – Arabian Gulf League

This is the top league in United Arab Emirates.   They’re just a couple matches into the season.  These were last year’s #B and #3 squads.  Wasl will have to accelerate on offense a little more to play for a second-place spot.  They’ll need a miracle to surpass Al-Ain.  Both would.

RESULT:   Al-Wahda   4-1

Image result for snobbish funny

 

Al-Wahda are nicknamed “Excellencies”.

Ooh la la!   

Here is your rrrroast. Duck, Al-Wahda.

  1. Partizani Tirana vs. Flamutari – Albania Super Liga

Partizani finished 5th last season.  Normally that would get you squat, but perennial powerhouse Skenderbeu Korce got hit with a record ten-year ban from international play by UEFA.   That moved the tournament invitations down a rung in table each, so allowed P.T. to eke into Europa League.  Where they got skunked over two matches in the first qualifying round.

If you’d like to know a little more about the S.K. match-fixing nawteeness, Noob recommends checking out Bros Talking Soccer, podcast episode 90.  The question comes at the 35’, but why not listen to the whole thing?  One of only three podcasts on which I spend time.  Look, they’re Bros.   They talk.  And it’s about soccer.  In this day and age, it’s hard to find such transparency in the offering!   Muy bueno.

Oh yeah, Flamutari was 6th last year.  OK.

Fun Fact:  Brostalkingsoccerpodcast.com is the website  where Noobites can get mucho info.

RESULT:   Tirana   2-0

  1. Go Ahead Eagles vs. Jong Ajax – Netherlands Eerste Divisie

Noob finishes our ‘Trotting Track in the Netherlands second division!   Both teams this very early season are high enough in the table to be in the Promotion conversation.  Jong (Young) Ajax are disallowed though, as reserve teams there can’t move up to top flite.

Only the top finisher will move up automatically.  GHE are #B, which places them atop the spots that will qualify for the postseason Promotion playoffs.  They’re leading the league in offense, and Noob considers them to easily be a goal favorite today.

RESULT:   Eagles   2-1

Image result for speelgoedmuseum deventerSo long from the Toy Museum, Deventer — home of Go Head Eagles!

The city.   They don’t live with the toys.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Sunday (9/16) – DC Utd just keep a’comin’!

Yesterday, Noob cheated.  I snuck in ~30 matches into the ten mini-previews.   It was gluttonous, and that’s sinful.  Today, we’ll stick with the ten.

Pretty varied for a Sunday, not just the usual suspects.

  1. North Carolina Courage vs. Chicago Red Stars – National Women’s Soccer League Playoffs

Tthoughts, heartfelt prayers to all affected by Hurricane Florence.  This match has been moved to Tuesday.

B.  D.C. United vs. New York Red Bulls – Major League Soccer

Conference matches are in progress as Noob composes, but at this moment, this will be #7 hosting #B.

The D.C. story has been remarkable.  Signing all-time great Wayne Rooney has turned there season around to a degree only the most hopeful could’ve, well, hoped for.  Last place to one slot out of the playoffs, with enough games to easily climb further.

Haven’t talked about this, but the Rooney signing also plays into a discussion about league makeup.  Many think it’s not a good thing for MLS to serve as a “retirement league” for European stars.  They may say it doesn’t specifically improve the product, and/or might take away a spot from a developing American player.

Rooney’s not the first to move stateside after his prime (though he’s only in his early 30’s), won’t be the last.  Noob’s in favor of such.  Let’s have stars!    If the game is going to get really big here, it needs to be shiny, get people interested.  Perhaps American player growth can then follow.

Aaanywho.   NYRB just got drubbed by the suddenly and surprisingly feisty Montreal Impact.   That’s their first loss since July.  It will be interesting to see how they react.   (1:00 PM EST, ESPN)

RESULT:   3-3      NYRB’s Wright-Phillips will all three goals for his side

Image result for old letter B funny

 

 

Number B – young, vibrant, not retiring anytime soon

  1. Santos vs. Leon – Liga MX

Another for which the standings might’ve changed by match time.  Right now, Santos are in a four-way tie for 5th, Leon in a tie for 12th.  They’re about equally-skilled defensively.  Leon short on offense, though, and that puts them in a bad way on the road today.   (5:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Santos   3-0

  1. Wolverhampton Wanderers vs. Burnley – English Premier League

The two EPL matches today each feature a winless team.   Noob’s going with this one for two reasons.

#12 Wolverhampton were just Promoted this year, and it’s fun to see how those clubs hold up.  WW are staying well above the cutline early, .500 record.   However, they’re doing it with small ball.  They pack it in on defense in lieu of trying to score much themselves.   It might work to keep them in the PL another season, but no more than that.

Burnley finished 7th last season, getting the league’s last qualify spot for Europa League.  And they did it playing small ball themselves.  So what does Noob know.

This season, they’re still not scoring, but on favor of more than mediocre defense.   Noob’s got a feeling we’ll be seeing Burnley on some Relegation Monday editions of the Track.   (8:30 AM, NBCSN)

RESULT:   Wolverhampton   1-0

Image result for Burnley funny

 

 

 

Perhaps Noob is being premature.

  1. Diriangen vs. Managua – Nicaragua Primera

Noob’s enhanced focus on CONCACAFfeination continues!   it’s not a ton of info to start, but we’re going to get some familiarity .

Last year’s #B and #1.   it’s very early in their new season, but Managua are at it again – undefeated.  Diriangen are in 4th, scuffling on the defensive side.

RESULT:   Diriangen   1-0

  1. Derry City vs. Cobh Ramblers – League of Ireland Cup

Noob’s impression is that this is a secondary tournament in prestige to the FAI Cup.  Still, when Noob sees a Final, it’s on!

Derry City are a midtable team from the Irish Premier.  Cobh are actually below average in the second division.   Let’s see that shiny trophy.

RESULT:   Derry   3-1    Hail to the victors!

Image result for funny soccer trophy

 

 

Noob doesn’t think so.

But here’s to hoping!

  1. Midtjylland vs. Copenhagen – Denmark Super Liga

Last season, Copenhagen finished 4th and had to win a playoff match for the league’s last entry into the Europa League.  This season – 1st, so far.  Midtjylland are the defending champions, #B right now.

It’s early, but GD is indicating these two might both create some real separation between them and the rest of the pack.

RESULT:   Midtj   3-1

  1. Norrkoping vs. AIK – Sweden Allsvenskanliga

It’s probably too late for #4 Norrkoping to make a run at the league title, 20 matches into the season.   But they’re only a point out of 3rd, which would get them into the next Europa League at least.

Noob thinks they’ve overachieved, will fall badly to #1 and defending champs AIK.  The league leaders only give up a goal every other match on average.  Champions League-bound.

RESULT:   Norrk   2-0

Image result for don't google this warning

 

1)  “Sweden” and “bound” as part of any search parameters.

Terrifying.

  1. Once Caldas vs. Atletico Junior – Colombia Primera A

These two are #3 and #4, but things are very tight at the top in Colombia.   Statistically, both teams look like they belong.

Tolima and Equidad above them in the table are not club names that resonate with Noob.  Atletico Junior does, and they’ll find the cracks in O.C.’s defense, get a W today.   (6:15 PM, RCN Nuestra Tele)

RESULT:   O.C.   1-0

  1. Alianza Lima vs. Sporting Cristal – Peru Primera

Peru’s season is divided into three parts, unlike so in much of South America.  Cristal won the first two stages.  Alianza were forgettable during the Verano, but rose to #B in the Apertura.  The third, Clausura stage is barely begun.

The winner of each Stage qualifies for both national championship Playoffs (and the next Copa Libertadores), so Cristal is already in.  Not only that, but by winning two Stages, Cristal will get a bye into the Championship Final.

Alianza will have to win the Clausura to qualify.   The fourth team that will get in is the best non-winning team from all three Stages combined.  Alianza’s much too far down that aggregate table to get in that way.  Good luck to the, trying to even score on Cristal.  No one in Colombia ever does these days.

RESULT:      ppd

Image result for La Victoria District LimaSo long from La Victoria District, Lima, home of Alianza!

image of the Lord of the Miracles of La Victoria

’10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday soccer matches – exploring our football world

The ten most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game.  This is Noob’s reason for being.  Learning and sharing are fuhn!

Fridays, scheds tend to run a little lighter.  So Noob takes us on a planet-crossing trek of footyball wonder!   As always, we’ll start closer to home, then jet-set off to soccer hinterlands unknown.

(And yes, tenured Noobites – the “Jetsetting Friday” moniker has been scrapped after two weeks.  We’re back to Trotting the Globe, baybeeee.)

  1. Pachuca vs. Toluca – Liga MX Femenil

Listing the ladies first isn’t about political correctness.  Noob has little room for such the quest for learning and sharing.  This is about two teams tied for first!  In their Group, anyway.  Mexico’s top league is divided into two for the entire season.

In truth, there’s a chance this ends in a blowout.  Toluca score over twice as much as their hosts today, and play just as well on defense.  This could well be Pachuca’s one chance to keep true Group title hopes alive.

Top two from each group make the playoffs, but there are four good to great teams in this Group 1.  A home loss would sting more than a little for Pachuca.

RESULT:   Toluca   1-2

B.  Veracruz vs. Toluca – Liga MX

Copy and pasted from yesterday, when Noob thought this match was being played.  Turns out there was a meaningless Copa MX match yesterday instead.   (One team was already advancing as from the Group stage as a runner-up, the other already eliminated.)

With the International Break over, Liga MX returns with a lone match tonight.

It’s not the smexiest of matchups, truth be told.  Veracruz is near the league bottom, sporting easily the league’s worst defense.

Toluca, at least, could be liguilla (playoffs)-bound.  They’re tied for 7th, and eight teams will qualify.  Defense hasn’t been a virtue across the table this Apertura (half-season) for the most part.   If they or any team can shore theirs up even a little, that will be the difference-maker.   (10:00 PM EST, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Toluca   2-3       It’s double-dipping into the guac bowl of victory for Toluca today!

Veracruz came back to tie it from down 0-2 before losing someone to a red card late.  Whoops.

Image result for letter B sexy

 

 

 

Number B, a sexy part of the all-caps font created by Irina Baktova

  1. Birmingham City vs. West Bromwich Albion – English Football Championship

Time to check in on one the Premier League teams that was banished to second division!  Last we saw our heroes, WBA were dead last in the PL.   They weren’t the worst on offense or defense, or even overall GD.   Perhaps they lacked some grittiness, guttiness that could’ve kept them above the line.

These days, they’re 9th in the ECL table.  Best offense down there, but still struggling on D.  But Birmingham are solid chance for a road win.  They’re winless, in 20th place (of 24).  That’s not the Relegation Zone, but they can feel it lurking close beneath them.

Noob smells an 0-2 road win for “The Baggies”.  And remember:  While only the top two get automatically Promoted, the next four have a playoff for one more move up.

  1. ES Setif vs. Wydad Casablanca – CAF Champions League

It’s the Semifinals in Africa!   This is the first match of a two-legged tie.

Wydad, out of Morocco, are the defending champions.  Their league season is just one match on.  Algeria’s ES Setif are in first place in their domestic league, though theirs is only a few games in.

Setif is probably only an even match at home against Wydad.  They need to make some hay on their own ground before the return leg road trip.

It’s worth noting that Africa’s most highly-rated club – Egypt’s Al Ahly – are also in action today.  They get overachieving Guinean club Horoya though.  That match will only be as close as Ahly let it be, even on the road.

Image result for making hay funny

 

 

 

You’re doing it wrong.

No matter what the “it” is.

  1. Guangzhou Evergrande vs. Beijing Gouan – Chinese Super League

B.G. are #1 at just past the 20-match mark in this league’s season.   Excellent, especially considering they were just 9th-place in 2017.

At some point, their lack of defense is going cost them dearly.  Today is likely that day.  The defending champs play host, and their GD is 50% better.  They score nearly every bit as much.

Top two will make the AFC Champions League group stage.  3rd-place finisher will get in, but have to play a qualifying round.

Fun Fact:   City Guangzhou is perhaps more familiar to us by an alternate name – Canton.

RESULT:   Evergrande   1-0       G.E. are #B now, while B.G. have dropped to #3.

  1. Cerezo Osaka vs. Jubilo Iwata – Japan J1 League

This match doesn’t quite pass Track muster for inclusion (~both clubs in top quarter of a league).  But Noob likes to throw The Management a bone many a time, and he’s a Japanophile.  (In fact, he’s vacationing in Tokyo right now, post-Seoul business trip.)

C.Osaka finished 3rd last year, making the AFC CL group stage.  Iwata were 6th.  Both teams are a bit lower in 2018 though – 5th and 10th currently.

Still, even the 4th-place team gets a qualifying stage CL berth, so C.Osaka are not irrelevant.  But they need to get over the hump in some matches, as they lead the league in draws.  Get tough, “Cherry Blossoms”!

RESULT:   1-1       C.Osaka remain in 5th, Iwata moves into 9th.

Image result for madame lobina

 

 

 

Lobby and Madame Lobina are both official mascots of Cerezo Osaka.

 

  1. Navbahor vs. Pakhtakor – Uzebekistan Super League

Welcome to Asia’s 10th-ranked domestic league.  Where they know how to create some league drama.

Like many across the world, this league divided into Championship and Relegation subdivisions about 2/3 of the way into its season.  But like a minority of those, they throw out the records at that point.

Navbahor finished 4th, but are in 1st now.  They lagged on offense, but now are on par with the other best clubs.  Pakhtor finished 1st, are a close 3rd now.  And they still are best on GD.  They’re not scoring at the astonishing clip they once were, but play stonewall defense.

Noob believes just one qualifies for 2019 AFC CL.

Fun Fact:   Navabahor means “new spring”; their home city is Namangan.

RESULT:   3-3

  1. Khatlon vs. Kuktosh – Tajikistan Vysshaya Liga

This league climbed to #12 in the AFC rankings, and so will get a team into the next CL.   This year, they don’t have even one.  Instead a couple of their clubs qualified for the Asia Cup.

The season is 20 matches in, and it appears to be a two-horse race.  Kuktosh are 3rd, but a dozen points behind the leaders.  They’d need an historic run to jump both teams.  Even one of them, really.

Khatlon are in 6th and probably a bit better than that.   They’re no worse than an even match for their guests today.

RESULT:   Khatlon   1-0

Image result for ajina-tepa

 

A Buddhist cloister (Ajina-Tepa) near Khatlon club’s home city of Qurghonteppa.

  1. Kopetdag Asgabat vs. Merw – Turkmenistan Yokary Liga

In Asia’s perfectly average (#23) league, even the champ doesn’t get a sniff of the AFC CL.  They head to the secondary Asia Cup.  Not that either of today’s combatants will be there, either.   #7 hosts #5.  The good news for them is no one gets Relegated from this league.

Fun Fact:   OK, these guys are just looking to mess up my Scrabble game now.  Merw??  Srsly?

RESULT:   K.A.   2-0

  1. Mwadui vs. Azam – Tanzania Premier

After that extended run through Asia, we finish today’s Globetrotting Track in Africa.  This league cracks the top 24, but needs to be twice as good to get two berths into the CAF Champions League.

Their season is just getting started.  Azam finished #B last year.  1st-place Simba SC outscored them by nearly a 2:1 margin.  Mwadui were 10th of 16.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for shinyanga diamond mine

 

So long from Shinyanga, Tanzania!

Home of FC Mwadui and where the first big diamond find was made outside S.A.

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches – USWNT leads the way

The Midweek Edition Track finishes with two more matches for Thursday.

There’s not much in the way of preview for the matches proper.  But you’ll learn about two brand spanking new tournaments themselves.  Enough to get you through high-end water cooler-level chat.

Thursday

  1. Germany vs. France – UEFA Nations League

“Nations League.   Here I thought I was really starting to know club and national team football around the globe.   But I’ve never heard of this league!   You have failed all Noobites.  You are a scalawag, cretinous yahoo, ne’er-do-well.  You are declared outlaw!”

Outlaw as adjective originally meant living outside the law.  People could do anything to you with no consequences, including murdering you.  So why don’t we hold up and give ol’ Noober a chance to explain.

Perhaps I should’ve mentioned this tournament before, given you a heads up.  This is a new biennial tournament.  All 55 member teams of UEFA have been divided into four leagues, based on their UEFA rankings (as of pre-2018 World Cup Group Stage).  Those leagues, in turn, are subdivided into four smaller groups.  Within each Group, they’ll play standard home-and-away double-round robin format.

Example:   League A is the top 12 teams in UEFA.  The four Groups within League A are relatively even cross-sections in terms of ranking.

The Group Stage games are now through November.  The winners of each Group in League A will play for the Nations League championship.  That bracketed stage will be in June of next year, location TBD.

Leagues B, C, and D will not have their own bracketed championships.  Their journeys end with the Group matches.  However, the Group winners get Promoted to the next highest League for the next incarnation of this tournament in two years.  The poorest Group performers are Relegated in turn.

The Perceived Good:   This event is largely replacing intra-European “friendlies”, provide more competitive matches.  Also, this event will serve as another qualifying means for national teams to make the 2020 European Championships.  It’s an extra chance for smaller/weaker teams to perhaps get in.

The Critique:  This is an extra chance for smaller/weaker teams to qualify for the 2020 European Championships.

Noob’s not going to delve into the particulars of this event as qualifier for the Euros.  There are other sites for that.  The self-assigned job here is to make you aware of basics.  So go, be free!   Use your Google machine powers to learn finer details.  Noob will, too, in time.

Today’s Track’ed Match: 

Germany and defending World Cup champions France are UEFA-ranked 4th and 5th, respectively, as of today.   Noob phrases is that way because UEFA used the rankings as of right before World Cup Group Stage began to seed all the teams for this event.  These two were 1st and 5th-ranked at that time.

Either way it’s two of the best teams in the world.  Though yes, Germany struggled at WC.  Here stateside, we can watch it on Univision Deportes at 2:45 PM EST with great joy.

Hopefully this spares Noob a mob lynching, you rascally animals.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Dominica vs. Suriname – 2019-20 CONCACAF Nations League qualification

Yup!   This tournament is new, too.   It doesn’t truly start until next year.  This is a qualifying tournament.  As such, Noob will keep things even simpler about the whole thing for now.

The top six-ranked national teams in CONCACAF have already automatically qualified for actual Nations League next year.

34 of the 35 other member nations’ teams play in this qualification event (Guatemala are nawtee, suspended).  They are divided into four Pots, based on rankings.  Each team will play four matches, two home and two away.  Each team will play one match against a team from each Pot.

All the teams’ results will be in just one aggregate table.  The top six finishers will qualify for Nations League A, joining the six teams that auto-qualified, as mentioned earlier.  The other teams will be divided in half, into League B and League C.

(The CONCACAF Nations League is a qualifying event of its own, putting teams into something called CONCACAF Gold Cup, which in turn qualifies teams for the FIFA Confederations Cup.  Interestingly, the top ten finishers from this qualification event being played now automatically qualify for Gold Cup regardless of how they do in Nations League.  Oy veh.)

Today’s Track’ed Match:

These two are ranked 25th (Pot C) and 12th (Pot B) in CONCACAF.  They’re #177 and #153 in all FIFA.  Should be a pretty even matchup since is in Dominca.

The match is actually being held in Guadeloupe, not Dominica.  Curious.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for Les Abymes

 

 

So long from Les Abymes, Point au Pitre, Guadeloupe!

 

Wednesday

  1. NYCFC vs. New England – Major League Soccer

NYCYC have won just once their last six outings.  They’re settling into the #3 seed in the East as the regular season approaches its final stretch.

New England now sit in 8th, five points out of the sixth and final playoff berth in their conference.  That they can still even smell the postseason as a mathematical possibility is a testament to how improved they’d appeared in the season’s first half.  They just got a draw at home against a solid Portland side, but that’s now nine straight matches and no victories.

NYCFC will be missing goal-scoring leader Ismael Tajouri-Shradi.   He’s on international duty this week, as are several of his club teammates.  He is Libyan by birth, but Noob presumes is with the Austrian national team now, as he holds citizenship there.   (7:00 PM EST, ESPN+)

RESULT:   Revs   0-1

Image result for football international duty funny

 

 

Speaking of international duty, did this mascot-guy just get vomited out after finally agreeing to go to Ninevah?

  1. Oaxaca vs. Morelia – Copa MX

Noobites can find a bit about the format below in the Tuesday Copa match mini-preview.

Guadalajara has already advanced as this Group’s winner, with ease.

Liga MX side Morelia lead the Ascenso’s Oaxaca by two points in the table.  Morelia only need a draw to finish #B in the table, but only a draw almost certainly still leaves them out of the next Round.  Even a win for Oaxaca probably leaves them among the bottom two Group runners-up and out of this tournament.

Both sides have been scuffling in their respective league seasons, sitting midtable.  Morelia likely takes this one by a goal on the road.   (8:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   1-1      And with that, both teams are eliminated.

  1. Indy Eleven vs. NYRB II – United Soccer League

Former NASL-side Indy are tied for 5th in the East, two points up on NYRB.   The top eight from each conference make the Postseason.

Indy doesn’t score much, have stayed afloat with a lot of draws.  Red Bulls’ reserve squad have even more draws.  That’s surprising, given that they play such a wide-open style, eschewing defense almost entirely.

RESULT:   Indy   3-0       Evgeni Starikov with two goals, and Indy climbs to 4th place.

 

Is it just Noob, or does this look like an entrance to kinda nowhere?

  1. Internacional vs. Flamengo – Brazil Serie A

It’s #B and #3 in South America’s best domestic league!

Internacional trail only Gremio in defensive prowess, haven’t allowed a goal in seven consecutive matches.  That said, they’ve only achieved draws in their last two games.

Flamengo are more balanced.  They’re coming off a sleepy home loss to newly-promoted, weak Ceara.   (8:00 PM, GOL TV)

RESULT:   Internacional   2-1       The winners now lead the entire league, while Flamengo drops to 4th place.

Tuesday

  1. U.S.A. vs. Chile – international friendly

Déjà vu all over again.  They played a few days ago, are now back to battle today.  Noob guesses Chile have been training in – perhaps even with – the USWNT.  The Americans won the first one 3-0 in Carson (L.A.).   Tonight, they play in San Jose.

Fun Fact:  The San Jose Earthquakes played a friendly last night against Chile’s children’s Special Olympic side and lost 0-14.   SJ were not sandbagging, by all accounts.

Pardon the interruption, this is The Management.  I apologize on behalf of Noob.  We’re not even sure they have Special Olympics in Chile.  Said friendly did not occur. 

And if it had, a more likely score would be 1-14.  The ‘Quakes wouldn’t get shut out completely at home.

*gasp*    The Management, throwing shade on San Jose!  Is Noob dreaming?   (10:00 PM EST, ESPN2)

RESULT:   USA   4-0       Carli Lloyd with a pair in the second half

B.  Chicago Red Stars vs. Sky Blue FC – National Women’s Soccer League

Three of the four Playoff teams are set.  Two regular season matches to go for #4 Chicago.   They’re two points up on Utah and Houston.

One of Noob’s primary sources indicates Houston is already eliminated though.  That feels unlikely, even given head-to-heads are the first tiebreaking criterion.

And since they’re playing winless Sky Blue, a Chicago result and postseason berth seem likely.

Aaaaand then they’ll get slaughtered by the world’s best women’s team, North Carolina Courage in the Playoffs.

RESULT:   Chicago   5-0       Alyssa Mautz with the first two goals

Image result for letter B horror

 

 

Number B, expressing the carnage that awaits Chicago or Utah in the postseason.

  1. Zacatecas vs. Queretaro – Copa MX

They’re also down to the last match in each of the three-team Groups in this opening stage of the Apertura (first half-season) Copa in Mexico.  All nine winners will advance, plus seven of the runners-up.

Second-division Clausura regular season champs Zacatecas trail Queretaro and Leon by three points.  So Los Mineros have to win today just to get tiebreakers into it.  Leon has played all their matches already, so three-way tie.  Go, Minnows!

Zacatecas are having trouble scoring, even as they win games so far this year in Ascenso MX.  Queretaro should be at least a one-goal favorite on the road today.  They’re near the top of the Liga MX table themselves.

RESULT:   Queretaro   1-2

  1. Netherlands vs. Norway – UEFA women’s World Cup qualification

The Group Stage is down to its last matches here, too.  The winners of all seven qualify for 2019 WC.  The four best runners-up will have a Playoff for one more berth.

In Group 3, these are your top two and no one else can catch them.  They’ve outscored opponents 21-0 and 0-3 and are FIFA-ranked #9 and #14, respectively.  Nothing appears guaranteed for whichever team finishes #B in the group.

Now, check out this mockumentary done by Norwegian women’s national team.  I’m sure is the current team, but regardless, this is priceless.

RESULT:   Norway   2-1     had the home/away mixed up

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Saturday (9/1) – and working on a theme song

“Soccer Noob rockin Amuricuuuhhh! /

Mini-previews!  *clap clap* /

Insight!  *clap clapclap* /

O.K.notreallythatsecondwuuhhhhn!   /  *crickets*

Soccernoob rockin’ Amur-I-CUHHH!”

  1. Seattle Sounders vs. Sporting Kansas City – Major League Soccer

Really, Track match No. 1 is all MLS.   This might be the most intriguing matchup, but all but two slated for today met Noob’s standards of high interest.  Good you up some ‘Muricuhn action today, Noobites.

Those goldurn Sounders Noob reviles so have won seven straight.  The first half of their season was so pitiful that this now has them in just a tie for the last Playoff berth (6th) in the Western Conference. They Haven’t allowed multiple goals in a match since their last loss.  On June 30th.

Tenured-Noobites will recall that Noob’s first exposure to a hardcore ‘Muricuhn soccer fan was a douchebag TA in college who was a bandwagon-jumping Seattle supporter.   And I’d still be rooting alongside The Management for KC today, given his ties to that area.  But the Sounders’ turnaround has been simply epic.  Much respect.

Sporting could do absolutely nothing right in July.  Noob would’ve best against them hosting mid-table FC Seoul (picked as a nod to The Management’s current business trip).   But now they’ve won four in a row themselves, are only a point or two from retaking 1st place back from FC Dallas.  They haven’t allowed ANY goals over that stretch.

This match might be a defensive slugfest.   But it’s going to be more than worth the view.  4:00 PM EST today online with ESPN+ or broadcast on Univision Deportes.

RESULT:   Seattle   3-1       So much for defense.  KC scored at 2′, though it was all Sounders after that.

B.  Cincinatti vs. Pittsburgh Riverhounds – United Soccer League

Yup.  We’re shifting to a second-division matchup instead of a second MLS one.  We’ll spread our love through multiple leagues.

And it is a doozy.  Cinci has all but wrapped up the Eastern Conference.  No surprise, as they’re making the move to MLS next year.

Meanwhile, Pittsburgh is in a tie for #B!   Noob adds the exclamation point because they’ve flown under my radar all year.   They were near the very bottom of the standings last season.  They couldn’t score then, and they don’t do much of it now.  But they’ve conceded just 14 goals all season.  To quote Tom Cruise from “The Firm”, “It’s not sexy, but it’s got teeth.”

You know, I never found that line quite so disturbing as I do now.  Must be seeing it written.

RESULT:   Cinci   2-1      But Pitt made them work for it.   FCC got it’s two goals in the last 10 minutes of regular time.

Image result for tom Cruise weird

 

Cruise without teeth.

Good LAWD.   This was an error in judgement.

Should’ve put in a Number B-image.

  1. Leon vs. UNAM Pumas – Liga MX

One of the radio hosts I listen to regularly pronounces the “MX” letters as they would be in Spanish.

We’re in Amuricuh.  We can say just “em. ecks.”   It’ll be fine.

(tied-for-8th versus tied-for-5th)  (8:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   Pumas   1-2         Felipe Mora with a pair of goals

  1. Chelsea vs. AFC Bournemouth – English Premier League

Leicester City hosting Liverpool might have a shade more cache, but Noob’s giving the edge to his Fighting Cherries!  Given that they’re one of the three matches being given stateside TV coverage (10:00 AM, NBCSN).

Chelsea have been electric on offense in their first three matches, winning them all.  Bournemouth should’ve beaten Everton to get a third win, too, after they’d gone a man up.  My guys will do well to get a draw at one of the mammoth-budgeted teams grounds today.

RESULT:   Chelsea   2-0       Noob has read and heard some are encouraged by AFCB’s keeping the match scoreless most of the way.  I say you’ll rarely if ever get a result possessing the ball just 27% of the game.  Oy veh.

Image result for aFC bournemouth funny

 

Guys!   I’m pretty sure “standing on one’s head” is an expression regarding goalies.

Noob is worried.

  1. Washington Spirit vs. Sky Blue – National Women’s Soccer League

Four of the eight teams make the postseason.  These two have been out of the running all summer.  So why Track it?   It’s the only domestic top-flite ladies’ match today.  Also, Sky Blue is running out of chances to get their first win of the season.  This may be as close as they get.

RESULT:      ppd

  1. France vs. Mexico – international women’s friendly

France are the host country for the 2019 women’s World Cup, so they’re not having to play in the UEFA qualifying tournament.  Mexico needs the tuneup before they enter at the final stage of the CONCACAF qualifying event going on now.

They are ranked #3 and #25, respectively, by FIFA.  (3:00 PM, TV5MONDE)

RESULT:   France   4-0       Eugenie Le Sommer with two goals in the second half

Image result for waiting gif

 

They must wait, Inigo.  

We must all wait sometimes.

  1. Iceland vs. Germany – UEFA women’s World Cup qualification

Germany are #3 in FIFA and ranked #1 in Europe.  Yet they trail Iceland by a point in their Group table with just two matches left to play.  Only the winners automatically qualify, and only about half the runners-up will get to vie for one last berth in their own mini-tournament.

Iceland are only ranked 29th in the world.  But they upset Germany on the road 2-3 in the first match they played of this double-round robin.   Germany must get at least a draw today, or they could be sitting at home for WC 2019.

RESULT:   Germany   0-2       Svenja Huth with two scores

  1. Slavia Prague vs. Viktoria Plzen – Czech First League

I was just reading up today on the 80’s-90’s new jack swing group ‘Wreckx-n-Effect”.  Checking oneself before the possibility of wrecking oneself comes recommended, by them and Noob both.  Safety first.

What I did not know was that the group’s name originally was not spelled with an X in it.  That was only added after one of their members was shot, symbolic of his absence.

(League #1 versus #2)

RESULT:   Slavia Prague   4-0      S.P. take over 1st now on GD.   Tomas Soucek scored twice.  Plzen had a tough go of it after going down to ten men in the 1st half (red card).

Image result for wreckx n effect

 

 

 

Rest in Power, Brandon Mitchell.

  1. Consadole Sapporo vs. Vissel Kobe – Japan J1 League

4th versus 5th doesn’t quite match Noob’s criterion coming out of an 18-team league.   But The Management must be appeased.  Since he’s a Japanophile, Match Nine is a sop to him.

Only the top three from Japan make the AFC Champions League.  With the season 2/3 over, this isn’t quite and elimination match, but both sides will likely play like it’s one.  And they should.

Neither has quite the defense to match up properly with the top three teams, yet Noob thinks both teams will be tight and we’ll have a low-scoring affair here today.

RESULT:   Sapporo   3-1      Kobe lost a player to a red card right at the half.

  1. Metz vs. Lens – France Ligue 2

At time of scouting, this was a 1-2 matchup.  But Niort just climbed to #B in the table as Noob was writing, so it’s #1 versus #3. But Niort have played one or two more games than these clubs, so they’re cheaters and we’re Tracking this. ?

I thought about going back and featuring Columbus vs. NYCFC.  But variety is the spice of life.  And since there’s spice, we’re letting the French cook.  Not Ohioans.

Last season in Ligue 1, an attacking side of The Management, Dan the former Intern-o Inferno and I could’ve scored on Metz.  And so they finished last and were unceremoniously Relegated.  Lens were a bottom-feeder in this league, but stayed afloat with enough draws.

And look at them now!  Metz says they’re ready to go right back up, are 5-0-0, scoring at will.    Lenz have yet to let anyone score on them.  Viva la France!  Top three will all get automatically Promoted to Ligue 1 at season’s end.

RESULT:   Metz   2-0      It’s a Track full of red cards!   Lens lost a man mid-first half.

Image result for cathedrale st etienne metz stained glass

So long from Metz, Lorraine!

Cathedrale St. Etienne – home of perhaps the world’s broadest stained glass collection.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Sunday (8/12) – MLS, EPL, Liga MX, Soooooper Cups!

Look, Noob is all about full disclosure.   I admit it.  Things got a little weird yesterday previewing matches.  Yelling about Hotspur’s traitorous namesake.  Predicting a terrible fate for Orlando, the city, since it’s built on a swamp.  Re-publishing weeeird Japanese soccer photo…

Today will be SO different.  All serious as we ogle the ten most important matches to follow for us, the new American fans of the global game.  Honest.

*snicker*

  1. Seattle Sounders vs. FC Dallas – Major League Soccer

After losing to Toronto in last season’s Playoffs, Seattle have looked anything but themselves.  Now, at least, a four-match winning streak has them within shouting distance (8th in the Western Conference) of the postseason (top six from each conference get in).  Their defense has always seemed pretty okay.  They’ve finally found their stride on offense.

Dallas are not only #1 in the West, they’ve built a five-point cushion in the standings over #B Portland.  This, despite their stunning 1-3 loss to San Jose.  Noob doesn’t care if it was a road match for FCD.  That’s horrible.

If Seattle want to continue to make a push, they need to keep getting goals from the midfield.  Forward Will Bruin has largely tried carrying the load all season, but help has got to keep coming from behind him as it has the last week.

Of course, since the first soccer fan Noob ever knew was a Sounders fan and an utter putz, I will not be pulling for this to happen.  Will Bruin must be left to struggle on his island!   (10:00 PM EST, FS1)

RESULT:   Seattle   2-1     Sounders are still in 8th, but now within three points of 6th place and the West’s final Playoff slot.

B.  UANL Pumas vs. Pachuca – Liga MX

Pachucha finished 9th in the last Clausura (second half-season), just missing the Liguilla (postseason tournament).  They played nearly the league’s worst defense, so if they can shore that up just a little without sacrificing goal-scoring, they can get above the line.

Pumas were 7th, not tons better on defense.  This could be a real shootout.  Find out at 5:00 PM on Univision Deportes.

RESULT:   0-0     So much for a shootout

Image result for letter B explore

 

 

Number B, that’s so random.

 

You really get me, don’t you.

  1. Arsenal vs. Manchester City – English Premier League

Only the rawest of Noobites should be without a sense of Man City.  Record-breaking 2017-18, crushing the league.

Arsenal were 6th, and won’t do better this year unless they start stopping goals like the biggest boys in this league.  They allowed about a third again as many as their peers.  This is the first match of the season for both clubs.   (11:00 AM, NBCSN)

RESULT:   Man City   0-2

  1. Eintracht Frankfurt vs. Bayern Munich – Germany Super Cup

Speaking of teams that crushed their leagues, will anyone be able to hold a candle to Bayern this year?  They were nearly every bit as dominant as Man City in England was.  Frankfurt won the nation’s FA Cup to earn their spot here, despite finishing just 8th in the league.  They play hosts today.

Like most Super Cups, this is a glorified friendly to kick off the impending league season. Soooooper!  Except that it doesn’t count.   (2:30 PM, FS2)

RESULT:   Bayern   0-5

Image result for super soccer

 

 

 

Get ready for all manner of super-ness.

  1. Barcelona vs. Sevilla – Spanish Super Cup

Same as above, almost.  Barcelona cruised to their 2017-18 La Liga title, and won the FA Cup there as well.  They get a Copa final rematch against Sevilla, who finished 7th in the league.  They played literally just half the offense and defense of Barcelona.  Ouch.  This one gets played at Moroccan club IR Tanger’s new stadium.   (4:00 PM, ESPNEWS)

RESULT:   Barca   2-1

  1. Saprissa vs. Herediano – Costa Rica Premier

Last year, Herediano won both the Apertura and Clausura half-seasons.  They’re an absolute beast on defense.  Both times, Saprissa was #B, and for the latter they were separated by just one point in the table.

Costa Rica and the U.S. top leagues are simply the two best in the CONCACAF region, after Mexico.   And THAT calls for musical interlude.

RESULT:   Saprissa   1-0

  1. Rijeka vs. Hajduk Split – Croatia First League

Croatia is on the mind of soccer fans the world over after their amazing run to the final in the World Cup.  Their league is rated in the top third of Europe (#16).

Last year, it was a three-horse race, and these two lost out do Dinamo Zagreb for the title and league’s only Champions League slot.  Rijeka were statistically the best team of them all, but a whopping ten draws left them short.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Alianza vs. Santa Tecla – El Slavador Premier

Noob’s tired of fighting the typo, going to embrace it instead.  Ehhhl Sllllllllavadoooohhhhr!

Alianza won both the Apertura and Clausura tournaments last year.  Santa Tecla was #B both times.  The race was much closer in the Clausura.  In fact, they had the better goal differential.  This league, too, is just getting its new season underway.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for El Slavador

 

 

 

If “El Slavador” is good enough for the CIA, it’s good enough for Noob.

  1. Luzern vs. Young Boys of Bern – Swiss Super League

The table was clearly stratified by the end of 2017-18 here.  YBB won the league by 15 points.  Luzern were 15 behind the #B club.  Today’s hosts can compete again for a Europa League berth.  But if they want a shot at the CL, they need buckets more goals than last year.

RESULT:   YBB   2-3

  1. Molde vs. Brann – Norway Eliteserien

In northern Europe, they’re over halfway through their league seasons.  Brann have only lost one match, but five draws have meant the title is anything but decided.

Molde have all the shiny stats to look like they should be competing even more closely for the title.  But their five losses are the most of any realistic contenders.  At eight points behind in the table, this home match is must-win for The Fighting Sea Char.

The Management:   Is that a kind of slamon?  What an awful nickname.  Good thing you just made it up, asshat.

The sllllllamon of El Sllllllllavahdoooooohhr!

The Management:  Rrrriiiight…

RESULT:   Molde   5-1

Image result for Molde Norway salmon

 

So long from Molde, Norway — home of contagious slamon!

The Management:  Where do we even start fixing you?…

’10 to Track” for Globetrotting Friday (8/10) – NWSL, Liga MX’s, and 2018-19 English Premier! lead the way

Globetrotting Friday!   Passports ready?  Wunderbar.

Since league schedules the world over tend to run a little light, Noob spends Fridays jetsetting the world over with you, ogling soccer near and in far-flung hinterlands.

Strap in tightly, and don’t forget to please follow Noob on Twitter:  @SoccerNoobUSA.  Thanks for your consideration and readership!

  1. Chicago Red Stars vs. North Carolina Courage – National Women’s Soccer League

They’re about ¾ of the way through the regular season in America’s top pro women’s league.  The top four teams will make the Playoffs.

Chicago is in tied for 5th with Utah Royals and trail Portland Thorns by just a point.  They’ve played two fewer matches than both those teams, so Red Stars are looking okay.

In fact, only the Courage have beaten Chicago since May.  If they play there starters today, Noob would still favor they by a goal, even on the road.  NC has already won the Supporters’ Shield, being sooooo far out in front in the standings.

Fun Fact:   Progress, Towers, Union, Blues, 1871,and Wind were all considered as nicknames before Red Stars win in a landslide on a fan-ballot.

RESULT:   1-1

B.  New York Red Bulls II vs. Louisville City – United Soccer League

Defending league champs Louisville are in 4th place right now in the Eastern Conference.  That’s good for a home playoff match when the Playoffs come.  NYRB reserve team trail them by just a point though.  Red Bulls II lead the league in goal-scoring by a wide margin.  Can Louisville control the pace on the road?

RESULT:   Louisville   4-6      Cameron Lancaster with three goals for the winners

Image result for B is for bullshitNumber B!  We don’t run blue here.

But Noob does wonder what’s up with the dolphin.  And in a classroom but with a graduation cap on…

  1. Monarcas Morelia vs. Necaxa – Liga MX

“How does Noob decide which league matches are worthy of Track status early in that league’s season?”

Thanks for writing in, little Billy Connelly of Springfield.  Once all clubs in a league have played five matches, Noob looks at that season’s standings.  In non-North American leagues, both teams have to be in the top quarter (top three for the smallest ones) of the table to warrant Track-consideration.  Prior to that point, Noob uses the last complete season’s standings in that same way.

“Why won’t my mommy and daddy let me sleep with them in their bed every single night?”

Little Billy, as wise as Noob is, I am hesitant to answer questions of this nature.

But since you went to the trouble!   Your mom and dad are likely cooking up meth in there.  Are they stuffing the gap under the door with towels?  If so, sneak outside some night late and see if the windows are open.

“Thanks, Mr. Noob!”

I’m here to help.  Oh, and this football matchup features last Clausura’s (second half season’s) #8 and #11 teams.  Necaxa had a great goal differential, despite missing the Liguilla (postseason tournament), but had a mind-boggling ten draws in their 17 matches.  Gotta get W’s to play for the title.   (10:00 PM EST, Univision Deportes)

Fun Fact:  Noob is a rapscallion and ne’er-do-well, a cretinous yahoo on all accounts.

RESULT:   Morelia   2-1

  1. Queretaro vs. Santos Laguna – Liga MX Femenil

For claiming to be focused on soccer close to home, Noob didn’t give the Mexican’ top women’s league much coverage in the first year of this site.  Starting to change that.

All the men’s clubs but two field a top-flite women’s team.  These two finished 10th and tied for 7th in the aggregate table last year.  But the women’s side only sends four clubs each to the postseason, so both have lots of improvement to have done.

Querataro need to up the ante on their defensive efforts in particular.  They were woeful in that department during the 2017-18 Clausura.

RESULT:   Queretaro   3-1

Image result for foghorn leghornI say-I say-I say:    Queretaro are “the White Roostahs”.   Foghorn Leghorn is the official mascot.

 

(OK, that bit was half-true)

  1. Real España vs. Tauro – CONCACAF League

The Central American and Caribbean countries of our region have their own tournament to qualify a club for the next CONCACAF Champions League.  16 teams compete for a single berth.  This is the opening round of this Bracketed event where each pair of teams play two-legged ties.

Real España are the second entrant out of Honduras.  Tauro only qualified as one of the two wildcards out of Panama.  The latter won the first leg 1-0.  R.E. should be considered a full-goal favorite at home.  So, noob expects this one to come down to away-goals tiebreaker or penalty kicks.

The winner will play Walter Ferretti out of Nicaragua in the Quarterfinals.  That team at a surprisingly tough time getting past Martinique’s Clubs Franciscain, the fourth and final entrant out of the Caribbean qualifiers.

Fun Fact:   Real España are the only club to be named Real (“royal”) by a Spanish monarch  that is not from Spain

RESULT:   1-1     And so Tauro advances on 1-2 aggregate.

  1. Manchester United vs. Leicester City – English Premier League

In many ways, this is perhaps the most important match in the world today.  The greatest league in the world (pipe down, Bundesliga fans, Noob knows the argument is valid) begins its campaign today.  This is the best match of those kicking things off there today.

Man Utd. finished #B last year, distantly so to their intracity rivals Man City.  If they want to make a move on the title, it’s their offense that will need to have been kicked up a notch.  Or two.

The big question for today’s match is whether the teams’ World Cup players will play much or at all.  Players go on holiday rather than get right back into training with their clubs after WC.  Man United may have to press guys like Pogba and Lukaku into quick action, however, as they’re already somehow facing a rash of injuries to other projected starters.   (3:00 PM, NBCSN)

RESULT:   Man Utd.   2-1

Image result for newton heath

 

 

Fun Fact:  This was the founding year and crest of what is now Manchester United FC.

 

  1. Winslow United vs. Easington Sports – English FA Cup

This is the oldest recognized soccer tournament in the world.  Teams from all the way down to level 10 in Britain’s soccer pyramid can qualify to play.  This is the Extra Preliminary Round, the very first matches of the Qualifying Competition.  The “Competition Proper” won’t be considered to have begun for months, until all the professional clubs through Premier League have entered the fray.

These two have never played in FA Cup before.  Winslow United qualified out of the Spartan South Midlands Football League, level 10 in the pyramid.  Actually, they play in the First Division of that league.  The next step up in the pyramid (9) is the SSMFL’s Premier Division.  Last year, they finished 3rd of 20 teams, just missing promotion.

Easington Sports position in the English soccer world is the same.  They play in the Hellenic League, out of the First Division West, level 10.  A promotion would put them in that same league’s Premier.  Last year, they finished 3rd out of 14 clubs, also narrowly missing promotion.

The fun in FA Cups is largely considered watching out for Minnow – .underdogs from lower divisions that make runs into the Compeition Proper.  It’s unlikely one would come from this far down, so the point of Tracking them is largely just to let Noobites know that the event has even started.

Fun Fact:   To give some perspective, Winslow is a town of about 4,000.

RESULT:   1-1     In the event of a tie, the teams will have a Replay.  It will be at Easington.

  1. KI vs. HB – Faroe Islands Meistardieldin

And then lots of the fun of Globetrotting Friday is to visit places that simply don’t merit Tracking the rest of the week!

Faroe Islands’ top league just had a banner year, though even so they only climbed a notch in the UEFA domestic league rankings.  Now they’re 51st of 55.  But hey, they’re playing.

These are the only two clubs there in serious contention for the league title and country’s only Champions League berth.  KI lead by two in the table.  Statistically, these two are pretty much identical.  Very good offense, great defense.

RESULT:   HB   0-1

Image result for klaksvik faroe islands

 

 

Fun Fact:  Klaksvik – KI’s home town – is on one of the northernmost Faroe Islands.

  1. Samtredia vs. Sioni – Georgia Erovnuli Liga

Just a touch further up the European league rankings we find Georgia’s best, #46 on the continent (well, plus Eurasia).

These two teams don’t help the cause certainly.  They’re the weakest two (but hey, they’re playing!).  Kolkheti Poti is in last and in line currently for the league’s lone automatic Relegation only because they were deducted six points in the table.  Probably some sort of financial nawtiness.

Today’s featured combatants, should the remain in 8th and 9th-places, will be part of a four-team Relegation Playoff at season’s end.  They’ll battle with Liga II’s #B and #3 finishers for the right to play in the top league next season.

And Noob says “will” and not “would” because these two sad sacks aren’t going anywhere, waaaay down the table from the rest of the pack.

Fun Fact:   Noob wishes FC Samtredia would pick up the nickname “Fighting Mulberries”.  Their region produces many.

RESULT:   Sioni   0-4

  1. Posta Rangers vs. Gor Mahia – Kenya Premier

For 2018-19 CAF rankings, Kenya’s top league will move in at #22.  It’s not historically a very strong soccer country.

Gor Mahia haven’t mathematically wrapped up 1st place at the league’s only CL invitation, but they’re close.  2/3 of the way through the season or so here they lead the next-best by nine points in the table.  They ran away with the trophy last year, too.

Posta Rangers finished 4th, but currently are down in 10th place.  They weren’t great at scoring last season, and that weakness has seriously bitten them this year.

RESULT:   Gor Mahia   1-2

Image result for Nairobi funny

 

 

 

So long from Nairobi, home of Gor Mahia!

’10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday soccer matches – from the US of A to sporting hinterlands the world over!

Fridays tend to run a little light for soccer scheduling the world over, so this our opportunity to explore the footyball world!  As always, Noob starts off at and close to home.  Then, we check our bags tarmac-side and jetset off to locations the world over!   Let’s expand our horizons, Noobites.

  1. Ottawa Fury vs. Tampa Bay Rowdies – United Soccer League

Major League Soccer isn’t back post-All-Star break until tomorrow, so today we have just a pair of division two matches in the homeland.  This one is a bit heavier in playoff implications.

The top eight in each conference will make the postseason.  These two are tied for 9th and tied for 11th, respectively.  Noob’s particularly intrigued for two reasons:  1) Based on goal differential, these two ought to be switched places in the table.  B)  They’re two of the clubs from North American Soccer League.  The one-time co-second division league cancelled it’s 2018 season after not getting DII sanctioning from USSF, and currently is targeting a 2020 return to action.

Fun Fact:   When their current stadium was behind in completion, Ottawa competed at Carleton College.

RESULT:   Ottawa   2-0     The Fury climb into a tie for 7th

B.  Atlas vs. UNAM Pumas – Liga MX

After finishing 8th and making the postseason Liguilla in the 2017-18 Apertura (first half-season), they sunk to 15th and sported the worst defense in the league in the Clausura.

UNAM went completely the other direction, going from last place to 7th by improving their offense a ton.  They’ve won their first to matches of 2018-19, too.   (10:00 PM EST, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Pumas   0-3     Atlas was down to ten men after a red card 20′ in

Image result for letter B fox

 

 

Number B knows Atlas are “The Foxes”.

And that Number Two must go down HARD.

  1. Waterford vs. Cork City – League of Ireland Premier

Eire’s is a two-horse race and has been for some time.  Cork trail Dundalk by just a point in the table as they hit the home stretch of their season.  They can’t afford a slip before playing the league leaders later this month, and this is the most like match where that could happen.

Waterford had a great run the first half of the season, but have fallen back to a distant 3rd.  Two clubs will get Europa League berths, though.  The Irish Blues are in line for one now, but Noob thinks Shamrock Rovers will overtake them.

Fun Fact:  Waterford the crystal-making company makes the NCAA college football trophy.

RESULT:   1-2   Cork     Waterford scores first, but Cork triumphs.  

  1. Reading vs. Derby County – EFL Championship

If these teams are of the same relative strengths as last season, this may not be a “big” match.   But England’s second division league is probably in the top 15 in Europe in strength.  And Derby Co. finished 6th last season, making the Promotion Playoffs.  Meanwhile, reading finished 20th, not far above the Relegation line.

This is the first league match of the season.  Welcome back, British footyball!

RESULT:   Derby Co.   1-2      Derby Co with the winner in the 90′

Image result for huntley and palmers

 

 

Fun Fact:  This company was originally based in Reading, and so the football team were known as “The Biscuit Men”.

 

  1. Hamburger SV vs. Holstein Kiel – 2. Bundesliga

Germany’s second-tier kicks off today as well.  Hamburger was demoted last season from the top league, while H.K. made the Promotion Playoffs before losing at the end and having to stay down.  Holstein led this league in offense last year, scoring over 70 goals.

Fun – Unless You’re an HSV Supporter – Fact:   This marks the first time HSV has played anywhere but the top Bundesliga.  There was rioting and stuff.

RESULT:   Holstein Kiel   0-3

  1. Dynamo Kyiv vs. Shakhtar Donetsk – Ukraine Premier

Last year’s #B and #1 faced off in the domestic Super Cup just days ago.  Kyiv won that glorified friendly, but now things are for real as league plays begins.  A little more offense and Kyiv could’ve perhaps taken the title last year.

Since this – the 8th-ranked league in Europe – gets two Champions League berths, one might think it doesn’t matter which one wins.  It matters.  They want hardware.

RESULT:   Dynamo   1-0

Image result for Spartak Moscow Dinamo Kyiv

 

 

Fun Fact:  During the Soviet era, Dinamo Kyiv (not another Moscow team) was Spartak Moscow’s greatest rival.

  1. Huracan vs. Atletico Tucuman – Copa Argentina

This is a Round of 32 match in Argentina’s knockout-formatted FA tournament.

These two finished last year’s Primera league season #4 and #15.  Their offensive and defensive numbers were very similar, though, so this should be an exquisite matchup.  The winner will get either fellow top-leaguers Newell’s Old Boys or a third division team in the next round.

Stinky Fact:  One of Huracan’s nicknames is “The Burners”, since the current stadium is built on a former garbage-burning site.

RESULT:   Tucuman   0-2

  1. Troyes vs. Brest –France Ligue 2

Back to Europe!  Troyes was kicked out of the French top flite after finishing second-to-last.  Brest finished 5th in this league, getting to play in the Promotion playoff.  The two teams that were Promoted were light years better on offense then everyone else, but Brest excelled to a degree in that regard as well.

RESULT:   Brest   0-2

Image result for lacoste logo

 

 

Fun Fact:   The city of Troyes is home to the Lacoste clothing and fashionwear company.

  1. Floridsdorfer vs. Kapfenberger – Austrian 2. Bundesliga

The other white schnitzel – Austria’s Bundesligas. OK, maybe that doesn’t make sense.  Noob acknowledges it before The Management interrupts to call me out.

This league has been expanded from 10 to 16 teams this season.  As the season begins today, this is the one matchup involving two teams that were both in this league last season.  They finished 8th and 9th.  Floridsdorfer may really have been the worst team in the league, statistically, but no one got Relegated, so oh well!

Fun Fact:   Floridsdorfer is the northernmost district of Vienna.   it is a comparatively rural area, being composed of previously unconnected villages.

RESULT:   Kapfenberger    0-2

  1. Dinamo Tbilisi vs. Rustavi – Georgia Erovnuli Liga

We finish today’s Track in Georgia’s best league, though it ranks just 46 of 55 in UEFA.   It’s what Friday’s are for!

As one might expect, only the winner will get an invitation to Champions League (and just the First Qualifying Round at that).  Dinamo is #B, just five points out of 1st just over halfway through the season.  Saburtalo Tbilisi aren’t any better on GD, so this should be a dandy of a second half race.

RESULT:   Dinamo   1-0

Image result for tbilisi georgia

 

So long from Tbilisi, Georgia! 

The Bridge of Peace connects the old and new city districts.

’10 to Track’ Weekend Edition soccer matches – all the best from America, Mexico, UEFA, CAF CL

It won’t belong now until the big European leagues are in full swing and Noob likely expands back to doing separate Tracks for Saturday and Sunday.

For this weekend though, the ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game – the best from our soccer perspective span both days.

That’s my way of saying these weekend is all trim meat, Noobites.  Slice of piece of the grade-A soccer.

  1. Sporting Kansas City vs. FC Dallas – Major League Soccer

KC spent most of the first half of the season leading the Western Conference, but now Dallas is on top (and LAFC is #B).  The difference.  KC has given up two or more goals in five straight matches, not winning any of them.

Dallas, meanwhile, have only conceded four in their last five games.   (And they won the one where they allowed multiple goals.)  Dallas’ defense is only surpassed league-wide by New York Red Bulls.  Jesse Gonzalez is their netminder and a title run is likely If he keeps playing at this level.   (8:00 PM EST, ESPN+)

RESULT:   Dallas   2-3     Michael Barrios with all three Dallas goals

Image result for Jesse Gonzalez FC Dallas

 

Jesse likes cold drinks, hot Texas nights, and wearing Mickey Mouse goalie gloves on dates.

His number is…

B.  Montreal Impact vs. Atlanta United – Major League Soccer

And now to the East!

Impact haven’t lost in their last seven times out, pushing into the Playoff picture (5th place).  Noob’s betting they won’t stay there.  Their defense has been more than suspect on the season, though better lately.  It’s helped them into two four-game losing streaks in 2018 so far.

Atlanta are #1, and that’s some tough business with both New York teams breathing down their necks.  Josef Martinez is their offensive star.  Noob mentions him again because he scored all three scores in their last match and win against D.C. United!   (7:00 PM, ESPN+, Fox Sports Southeast)

RESULT:   Atlanta   1-2    Ueber-star Josef Martinez with two goals

Image result for letter B star

 

Number B thinks himself a star.

But has he replaced numeral 2 in your hearts?

He should.

  1. Benfica vs. Juventus – International Champions Cup

Fans at Red Bull Arena certainly have been hoping to see Italian league champs’ new acquisition in action – world’s greatest Cristiano Ronaldo.   Sadly, he won’t be involved today though.  Benfica had won four Portuguese Primeira titles in a row before missing the mark last year.

It’s hard to handicap events in this tournament, since reserves may start or get substantial playing time as teams tune up for domestic leagues with the friendlies that make up this tournament.  Both teams won the first of the three matches they’ll each play in this event.   (1:00 PM, ESPN2)

RESULT:   Juventus   1-1  /  2-4 pk

  1. Chicago Red Stars vs. Sky Blue FC – National Women’s Soccer League

New Jersey’s Sky Blue FC have lost four in a tow and have yet to win a match all season.  They’ve allowed a dozen goals in their last for matches, all losses.

Despite losing only once in their last seven outings, Chicago are in 5th place, just outside the Playoff picture.  A likely win today will vault then all the way to 3rd though.

Sky Blue FC forward Nadia Nadim (9) celebrates her goal against the Houston Dash.

 

SBFC’s Nadia Nadim celebrates a goal.

Maybe someday she’ll get to celebrate a W.

  1. CF America vs. Atlas – Liga MX

Atlas is the city of Guadalajara’s “other team”, as the headliners there are Club Deportivo Guadalajara (Chivas).  Last Clausura (second half-season), Atlas actually outperformed their rivals.  That said, the two were just 15th and 17th place, respectively.

Liga MX is just starting it’s 2017-18 season.  But if things remain similar to last year, America’s defense should be able to get the three points today.   (8:00 PM, Univision)

RESULT:   CFA   3-0    Guido Rodriguez nets a pair

  1. Wydad Casablanca vs. Horoya AC – CAF Champions League

Ah, Wydad, Noob’s Moroccan favorite!  Only club I’ve found named for an actress/singer.  Or either one.  If either is a fan of the sport, maybe someday we’ll have a Club Timberlake or Joe Jonas FC…

Aaaanyway, Wydad are the defending champions of Africa’s CL.  Horoya qualified out of the unheralded top-flight league in Guinea. This event is in its Group Stage.  These two and South Africa’s Mamelodi Sundowns are all tied for 1st out of the four teams in this Group.  Also, they all earned just draws against one another in their first matches in the Round Robin. After tiebreakers, the table goes Sundowns, Horoya, Wydad.

On paper, there shouldn’t be any reasonable way to expect Horoya to compete with Wydad.  But they play the matches on grass, not paper.  That would be weird and crumply-noisy probably.   (3:00 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:    Wydad   2-0

Image result for paper soccer players

 

 

 

What witchcraft is this??

 

 

Sunday

  1. U.S.A. vs. Australia – Tournament of Nations

To whom can Noob write a strongly-worded letter about the boring and yet still misleading name for this event?  It’s not wrong, but there are just four teams participating.  Granted, these are really good national teams.

And so, reminder:  This is essentially a tournament of glorified friendlies.  With Women’s World Cup next year, this can be considered a tune-up for that.  They’re playing a round robin, no additional round.

#1 FIFA-ranked U.S.A. beat #6 Japan 4-2 in their first match, in which Alex Morgan netted a hat trick (three goals).  #8 Australia (“the Matildas”) pulled the minor upset over #7 Brazil 3-1 in theirs.  Those matches were in Kansas City.  Both matches today are being played in East Hartford Connecticut, at UConn’s home field.   (7:00 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   1-1

  1. North Carolina Courage vs. Lyon – women’s International Champions Cup

Another four-team event, all matches being played at Miami Gardens.  Noob doesn’t know enough yet to say that NC’s victory over Paris Saint-Germain was an upset or now.  Courage are easily the best American women’s team.  PSG is the secondary power in perhaps Europe’s top league.

Today, NCC get the real test.  Lyon as won three straight World Cup’s, and their own league 12 straight seasons.  Noon suspect’s the Courage will need even more than a career day from Alex Morgan.  Their other big star is Rapinoe, who also scored in the win over PSG.   (9:00 PM, ESPN2)

RESULT:   Courage   1-0

Image result for alex morgan funny

 

 

And when you score three goals in a match, you can rock whatever coif you want.  Right, Ms. Morgan?

  1. L.A. Galaxy vs. Orlando City – Major League Soccer

At time of this writing, Real Salt Lake is in action.  By the time some of reading this, they may have passed the Galaxy for 4th.  No matter what happens there, what a turnaround it’s been for the home team today.

Noob featured the Galaxy on Thursday.  “El Trafico” – the intracity rivalry match with LAFC – ended 2-2.  LAFC stormed back with two very late goals.  Will Zlatan & Co. be able to rev up after that derby?

Will it matter?  9th-place Orlando stink out loud.  This is good, right and appropriate.  The Management and Noob consider it a priority to espouse the evils of bad urban planning.  Nothing – NOTHING – good can ever come from building a city on a swamp.   (9:30 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   Galaxy   4-3

  1. UANL vs. Tijuana – Liga MX

It’s early in this league’s new season.  These are two teams that made last year’s playoffs for the Clausura (second-half season).  OK.

What Noob really can’t stop thinking about is how embarrassed I should be about the fact that I didn’t know until I started covering soccer that Tijuana is spelled without an A before the J.  That pronunciation is cited as common and perfectly acceptable.  Still, Noob feels more shame heaped upon shame.  Just thought I would’ve picked up that there was a phantom sound in there long before now.   (7:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Tigres   1-0

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Use the phrase “chromosomally-challenged”.    It’s more PC.

  1. Cruziero vs. Sao Paulo – Brazil Serie A

To be a truly knowledgeable soccer citizen of the world. gotta follow Brazil.  South America’s best.  Sorry, Argentina.

Six clubs from here will qualify automatically for the Copa Libertadores Group Stage next year.  Cruziero are in 6th now, despite struggling a little on offense for a top club.  Noob would say their just-OK defense won’t make up for that lack, but they had similar stat lines a year ago and finished 5th.

Sao Paulo just keep continuing to surprise.  They’re #B in the league now, after a dismal 13th-place finish last year.  They’ve shored up their defense some.  Not enough to maintain a spot quite this high in the table for the whole season, but they sure look CL-bound at the very least.    (3:00 PM, Premiere Futebol Clube)

RESULT:   Sao Paulo   0-2

  1. MLS Homegrown vs. UANL U20 – MLS All-Star week

The MLS All-Star game will be on Aug. 1 in Atlanta.  This game is a lead-in, and in some ways maybe the more interesting affair.

Noob’s not exactly sure how MLS defines a “homegrown” player.  Could mean that the player is a U.S. native, or refer to anyone who came through an MLS soccer youth academy.  Or both, or neither, or involve some other variable.  Think I’m on the right track though, roughly.

They’ll be taking on UANL Tigres Under-20 team, their Mexican league’s champions.   This is matchup is part of a broad, multi-year partnership effort between America and Mexico to promote and develop the youth game.

Players to watch and who have been in this before are Kellyn Acosta from FC Dallas, New York Red Bulls’ Tyler Adams, and Justen Glad who plays for Real Salt Lake.   (8:30 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   1-1    Mexican kid got a red card at 78′, just a minute after his team got the equalizer.

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So long, from Noob and ATL soccer fan Lil Jon.

A-what?  Okay.