’10 to Track’ Weekend Edition soccer matches – all the best from America, Mexico, UEFA, CAF CL

It won’t belong now until the big European leagues are in full swing and Noob likely expands back to doing separate Tracks for Saturday and Sunday.

For this weekend though, the ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game – the best from our soccer perspective span both days.

That’s my way of saying these weekend is all trim meat, Noobites.  Slice of piece of the grade-A soccer.

  1. Sporting Kansas City vs. FC Dallas – Major League Soccer

KC spent most of the first half of the season leading the Western Conference, but now Dallas is on top (and LAFC is #B).  The difference.  KC has given up two or more goals in five straight matches, not winning any of them.

Dallas, meanwhile, have only conceded four in their last five games.   (And they won the one where they allowed multiple goals.)  Dallas’ defense is only surpassed league-wide by New York Red Bulls.  Jesse Gonzalez is their netminder and a title run is likely If he keeps playing at this level.   (8:00 PM EST, ESPN+)

RESULT:   Dallas   2-3     Michael Barrios with all three Dallas goals

Image result for Jesse Gonzalez FC Dallas

 

Jesse likes cold drinks, hot Texas nights, and wearing Mickey Mouse goalie gloves on dates.

His number is…

B.  Montreal Impact vs. Atlanta United – Major League Soccer

And now to the East!

Impact haven’t lost in their last seven times out, pushing into the Playoff picture (5th place).  Noob’s betting they won’t stay there.  Their defense has been more than suspect on the season, though better lately.  It’s helped them into two four-game losing streaks in 2018 so far.

Atlanta are #1, and that’s some tough business with both New York teams breathing down their necks.  Josef Martinez is their offensive star.  Noob mentions him again because he scored all three scores in their last match and win against D.C. United!   (7:00 PM, ESPN+, Fox Sports Southeast)

RESULT:   Atlanta   1-2    Ueber-star Josef Martinez with two goals

Image result for letter B star

 

Number B thinks himself a star.

But has he replaced numeral 2 in your hearts?

He should.

  1. Benfica vs. Juventus – International Champions Cup

Fans at Red Bull Arena certainly have been hoping to see Italian league champs’ new acquisition in action – world’s greatest Cristiano Ronaldo.   Sadly, he won’t be involved today though.  Benfica had won four Portuguese Primeira titles in a row before missing the mark last year.

It’s hard to handicap events in this tournament, since reserves may start or get substantial playing time as teams tune up for domestic leagues with the friendlies that make up this tournament.  Both teams won the first of the three matches they’ll each play in this event.   (1:00 PM, ESPN2)

RESULT:   Juventus   1-1  /  2-4 pk

  1. Chicago Red Stars vs. Sky Blue FC – National Women’s Soccer League

New Jersey’s Sky Blue FC have lost four in a tow and have yet to win a match all season.  They’ve allowed a dozen goals in their last for matches, all losses.

Despite losing only once in their last seven outings, Chicago are in 5th place, just outside the Playoff picture.  A likely win today will vault then all the way to 3rd though.

Sky Blue FC forward Nadia Nadim (9) celebrates her goal against the Houston Dash.

 

SBFC’s Nadia Nadim celebrates a goal.

Maybe someday she’ll get to celebrate a W.

  1. CF America vs. Atlas – Liga MX

Atlas is the city of Guadalajara’s “other team”, as the headliners there are Club Deportivo Guadalajara (Chivas).  Last Clausura (second half-season), Atlas actually outperformed their rivals.  That said, the two were just 15th and 17th place, respectively.

Liga MX is just starting it’s 2017-18 season.  But if things remain similar to last year, America’s defense should be able to get the three points today.   (8:00 PM, Univision)

RESULT:   CFA   3-0    Guido Rodriguez nets a pair

  1. Wydad Casablanca vs. Horoya AC – CAF Champions League

Ah, Wydad, Noob’s Moroccan favorite!  Only club I’ve found named for an actress/singer.  Or either one.  If either is a fan of the sport, maybe someday we’ll have a Club Timberlake or Joe Jonas FC…

Aaaanyway, Wydad are the defending champions of Africa’s CL.  Horoya qualified out of the unheralded top-flight league in Guinea. This event is in its Group Stage.  These two and South Africa’s Mamelodi Sundowns are all tied for 1st out of the four teams in this Group.  Also, they all earned just draws against one another in their first matches in the Round Robin. After tiebreakers, the table goes Sundowns, Horoya, Wydad.

On paper, there shouldn’t be any reasonable way to expect Horoya to compete with Wydad.  But they play the matches on grass, not paper.  That would be weird and crumply-noisy probably.   (3:00 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:    Wydad   2-0

Image result for paper soccer players

 

 

 

What witchcraft is this??

 

 

Sunday

  1. U.S.A. vs. Australia – Tournament of Nations

To whom can Noob write a strongly-worded letter about the boring and yet still misleading name for this event?  It’s not wrong, but there are just four teams participating.  Granted, these are really good national teams.

And so, reminder:  This is essentially a tournament of glorified friendlies.  With Women’s World Cup next year, this can be considered a tune-up for that.  They’re playing a round robin, no additional round.

#1 FIFA-ranked U.S.A. beat #6 Japan 4-2 in their first match, in which Alex Morgan netted a hat trick (three goals).  #8 Australia (“the Matildas”) pulled the minor upset over #7 Brazil 3-1 in theirs.  Those matches were in Kansas City.  Both matches today are being played in East Hartford Connecticut, at UConn’s home field.   (7:00 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   1-1

  1. North Carolina Courage vs. Lyon – women’s International Champions Cup

Another four-team event, all matches being played at Miami Gardens.  Noob doesn’t know enough yet to say that NC’s victory over Paris Saint-Germain was an upset or now.  Courage are easily the best American women’s team.  PSG is the secondary power in perhaps Europe’s top league.

Today, NCC get the real test.  Lyon as won three straight World Cup’s, and their own league 12 straight seasons.  Noon suspect’s the Courage will need even more than a career day from Alex Morgan.  Their other big star is Rapinoe, who also scored in the win over PSG.   (9:00 PM, ESPN2)

RESULT:   Courage   1-0

Image result for alex morgan funny

 

 

And when you score three goals in a match, you can rock whatever coif you want.  Right, Ms. Morgan?

  1. L.A. Galaxy vs. Orlando City – Major League Soccer

At time of this writing, Real Salt Lake is in action.  By the time some of reading this, they may have passed the Galaxy for 4th.  No matter what happens there, what a turnaround it’s been for the home team today.

Noob featured the Galaxy on Thursday.  “El Trafico” – the intracity rivalry match with LAFC – ended 2-2.  LAFC stormed back with two very late goals.  Will Zlatan & Co. be able to rev up after that derby?

Will it matter?  9th-place Orlando stink out loud.  This is good, right and appropriate.  The Management and Noob consider it a priority to espouse the evils of bad urban planning.  Nothing – NOTHING – good can ever come from building a city on a swamp.   (9:30 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   Galaxy   4-3

  1. UANL vs. Tijuana – Liga MX

It’s early in this league’s new season.  These are two teams that made last year’s playoffs for the Clausura (second-half season).  OK.

What Noob really can’t stop thinking about is how embarrassed I should be about the fact that I didn’t know until I started covering soccer that Tijuana is spelled without an A before the J.  That pronunciation is cited as common and perfectly acceptable.  Still, Noob feels more shame heaped upon shame.  Just thought I would’ve picked up that there was a phantom sound in there long before now.   (7:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Tigres   1-0

Image result for shame funny

 

 

Use the phrase “chromosomally-challenged”.    It’s more PC.

  1. Cruziero vs. Sao Paulo – Brazil Serie A

To be a truly knowledgeable soccer citizen of the world. gotta follow Brazil.  South America’s best.  Sorry, Argentina.

Six clubs from here will qualify automatically for the Copa Libertadores Group Stage next year.  Cruziero are in 6th now, despite struggling a little on offense for a top club.  Noob would say their just-OK defense won’t make up for that lack, but they had similar stat lines a year ago and finished 5th.

Sao Paulo just keep continuing to surprise.  They’re #B in the league now, after a dismal 13th-place finish last year.  They’ve shored up their defense some.  Not enough to maintain a spot quite this high in the table for the whole season, but they sure look CL-bound at the very least.    (3:00 PM, Premiere Futebol Clube)

RESULT:   Sao Paulo   0-2

  1. MLS Homegrown vs. UANL U20 – MLS All-Star week

The MLS All-Star game will be on Aug. 1 in Atlanta.  This game is a lead-in, and in some ways maybe the more interesting affair.

Noob’s not exactly sure how MLS defines a “homegrown” player.  Could mean that the player is a U.S. native, or refer to anyone who came through an MLS soccer youth academy.  Or both, or neither, or involve some other variable.  Think I’m on the right track though, roughly.

They’ll be taking on UANL Tigres Under-20 team, their Mexican league’s champions.   This is matchup is part of a broad, multi-year partnership effort between America and Mexico to promote and develop the youth game.

Players to watch and who have been in this before are Kellyn Acosta from FC Dallas, New York Red Bulls’ Tyler Adams, and Justen Glad who plays for Real Salt Lake.   (8:30 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   1-1    Mexican kid got a red card at 78′, just a minute after his team got the equalizer.

Image result for Lil Jon soccer

 

So long, from Noob and ATL soccer fan Lil Jon.

A-what?  Okay.

’10 to Track’ Weekend Edition soccer matches – World Cup extra, MLS, NWSL lead the way

As World Cup approaches its climactic end, Noob knows soccer will fade a bit from America’s collective conscience.

Keep visiting here.  Keep learning with Noob.  I’ll keep previewing the ten most important  matches to follow for us – the newish fans of the global game.

And it won’t get weird.  And Noob’s a fibber.

  1. Belgium vs. England – FIFA World Cup

Noob.  Nooby!   Didn’t these teams just lose?

Yes.  And did you just go Harry Ellis on me?  Well-played, pretend writer-in/voice in Noob’s head.  You’re my white knight.

Aaaaanyway, this is the Bronze Match.  If you’ve been reading Tracks, you know the names:  de Bruyne, Kane.

The NCAA used to make the last non-finalists play this kind of crappy game.  They just lost.  This is once every four years.  A lot of the players won’t ever get that sort of chance again.  Let them go home.

Yay, footyball!

RESULT:   Belgium    2-0

B.  New York Red Bulls vs. Sporting Kansas City – Major League Soccer

Kansas City had been leading the Western Conference for forever.  But a couple of road loses (Real Salt Lake: ok, Montreal: really?) and a home draw against tuckered out-Toronto and they’ve slipped to 3rd.  Their defense s letting them down, something that never happened in last season’s strong campaign.

3rd-place Red Bulls are coming off a “road” loss to fellow East contender NYCFC.  They have regional rival New England Revolution up next.  Still, Noob doesn’t see this as a trap game.  They’ve only conceded four goals in their last six matches.

To appease the Management – with his K.C. ties – Tim Melia needs to step his goalkeeping back up.  The back line has been okayish.  He has not.

(NYCFC hosting Columbus is just as big today.)

RESULT:   NYRB   3-2

Image result for tim melia sporting kc

 

 

 

Tim Melia tries to defend Zlatan with the trip over me comically-technique.

 

  1. Chicago Red Stars vs. Seattle Reign – National Women’s Soccer League

“Dear Lord in heaven, hear our cries!  Please let us remain #B/climb to 3rd in the standings so we don’t have to get decimated by North Carolina in the first round of the Playoffs.  We submit ourselves to Your will.  What do you require of us, Most Holy?”

Chicago is tied for 3rd.  Seattle is #B.

RESULT:   Chicago   1-0

  1. Legia Warsaw vs. Arka Gydnia – Poland Super Cup

It’s Sooooooper Cup season!

These are nearly always matchups between the previous league season’s champion and the defending FA Cup titlists.  They are typically one-offs.  Sometimes at neutral sites, sometimes not.  They are glorified exhibitions to whet folks’ appetites for the imminent starts of the new league seasons.

Legia Warsaw finished 3rd in the first part of the 2017-18 regular season before making off with 1st place once the Championship Round began.  They also just beat Cork City (Ireland) in the UEFA Champions League, 0-1.  They host today’s match.

Arka Gydnia narrowly missed out on qualifying for that Champions Round, 7th place.  After that, they sank, though not quite far enough to get Relegated to the second division.

RESULT:   Gdynia   2-3

Image result for that's super meme

 

 

Noob ever has a club of his own, they’re “The Ligers”.

  1. CFR Cluj vs. CS Universitatea Craiova – Romania Super Cup

Cluj won the truly regular league season and then held on in the Championship Round to take the title.  Craiova are the defending FA Cup holders.  They finished 3rd in the league.   Craiova get to host today.

RESULT:   Cluj   1-0

  1. Albirex Niigata vs. Tampines Rovers – Singapore S.League

Noob is always down for #1 versus #B!  Not that Rovers are a threat to chase down the title.  The Japanese club reserve team is 15-0-0.  But as a reserve team, they’re not eligible for international competition like AFC Champions league.  That means #B is the slot that could qualify.

Rovers lead Home United by just a point in the table.  If they have any shot at a result today, it has to be on defense.  They sport the league’s second-best.

RESULT:   Niigata   2-1

Image result for second place is best

 

Fortnite’s popular with the hip kids. 

Noob’s not above throwing it in here.

 

Sunday

  1. France vs. Croatia – FIFA World Cup

The Final!  Luzhniki Stadium, Moscow.

France is ranked #7 in the world, Croatia #20.  if the latter win, they will be the second-smallest country to ever do so.

The battle is going to be hottest in the midfield.  For Croatia, Modric is the key to everything.  That he plays for Real Madrid tells you want you need to know about him.  He’s joined there by recent hero Rakitic.

For France, Mbappe is the young (19) and main man.   Tell Noob he doesn’t look like he’s about 35 when his forehead furrows.  Yikes.  Kante is the other man there who will be key to ball control.

Thanks for hanging with Noob during this awesome Cup.  I hope the mini-previews have been helpful even in their brevity.  Fun, and for the newest fans, encouraging in that you’ve been able to pick up just enough to enjoy the game a little bit more and to chat with friends who’ve followed the game longer.

Now go, be free!  Seek out more in-depth pregame analysis.  Noob will, too.

RESULT:   France   4-2      Mbappe becomes only the second teenager ever to score in a World Cup final.  (Noob still thinks he looks 35.)

Image result for i release you gif

  1. LAFC vs. Portland Timbers – Major League Soccer

Expansion, surprising #B LAFC haven’t lost since June 2.  That one was at Dallas, the Western Conference’s #1.  During this torrid stretch, they’ve scored multiple goals every time out.

And if you think that’s impressive, Portland haven’t lost in 13 matches straight, since April 2!  How are they only in 5th?  But not getting a W in their first five of the season.   They’re baaaack.

For LAFC, Diamonde is the leading scorer.  Fellow forward Latif Blessing from Ghana has been smoking hot in July, too.  If both continue as they are, Houston and KC both may find themselves looking up at them in the table.

RESULT:   0-0

Blessing has something of a velociraptor-y look about him to Noob.

 

Image result for latif blessing funny

Image result for velociraptor

  1. Monterrey vs. Necaxa – Supercopa MX

This is the first of two high-end exhibitions for Liga MX today.  They are both being held on the L.A. Galaxy’s home pitch.

The Supercopa pits the two Copa MX winners from last season against one another.  Just as the Liga MX season is divided into two separate halves (Apertura, Clausura), so they also play to Cup tournaments.  In the Clausura of 2017-18, these teams finished in 3rd and 11th, respectively.

RESULT:   Necaxa   0-1

  1. UANL Tigres vs. Santos – Campeon de Campeones

These two won the Apertura and Clausura liguillas (post-season playoffs) last season.  This is considered a friendly and not for the title of overall Mexican league champion.  The winner will play the last MLS champions in their home city (Toronto) in the inaugural Campeones Cup in September.

RESULT:   UANL   4-0

Image result for four-way soccer

 

All four should play at once.

THEN you’d get a real champion.

’10 to Track” soccer matches for Relegation Monday (5/21) – the suckitude returns!

It’s a Relegation mashup today!   When the schedules are light on Mondays, we here embrace the pain of, get to know and celebrate teams in position to get Demoted.

Today, there are several matches of happier importance as well, so enjoy the remix of sorts.

  1. Montreal Impact vs. LA Galaxy – MLS

It may be just the Eastern Conference 10th place side versus #9 in the West, but it’s the only major game in the U.S. today!

For the rawest Noobites, the name to know for this game is Galaxy forward Zlatan Ibrahimovic.  He’s a Swedish national who was once perhaps the greatest player in the world.  He still thinks of himself as such, and that makes him super-fun.

And we should get a chance to see Zlatan – and others – score plenty.  Montreal are so bad in their own end, I wonder if they would even try defending their mother’s honor.   (3:00 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 6)

RESULT:   L.A.   0-1    This, despite Zlatan getting a red card for slapping an opposing player in the side of the head.  The Galaxy climb to 7th.

Image result for ladies love zlatan

 

 

Zlatan is ready to attack or defend against whatever.

B.  Dundalk vs. Waterford – League of Ireland Premier

After a middling season last year, Waterford have had a magical stay near top of the table in 2018.  But they are fading.  Still 3rd-place, but they haven’t won in four straight matches now.

Dundalk are trending the other way, leading the league by two points in the standings.  They’ve scored 11 goals in their last four matches (including a League Cup game).

RESULT:   Dundalk   2-0

Image result for irish letter B

 

 

A bit cliche, Number B. 

But you do wear the hat well.

  1. Derry City vs. Bray Wanderers – League of Ireland Premier

Bray are mired so deeply in last place, they can’t even see the sun.  But they did defeat #5 Derry 2-1 in their most recent meeting!  Derry scores in droves, but can’t defend.  Bray can’t do either.

Fun Fact:  Bray have won the second-tier three times in club history.  (They’ve never done jack squat in Premier.)

RESULT:   Derry   2-0

  1. Brondby vs. Aalborg – Denmark Superliga

For Danish teams competing in the championship subdivision, this is the last match day.  (Relegation subdivision will have still more flailing to do.)  And the title is still up for grabs!

Brondby led all season, but have slipped to #B here at the end, trailing Midtjylland by two points in the table.  They get a very mediocre 5th-place Aalborg team that isn’t playing for anything.  But Midtjylland is hosting 6th-place Horsens and probably spanks them.

RESULT:   1-1      And so it’s congratulations to league champs Midtjylland!

Image result for soccer spanking

 

 

<—- Gratuitous soccer spanking image

  1. Randers vs. Lyngby – Denmark Superliga

Doesn’t Lyngby sounds like something one might spread over toast in the morning?  It does to Noob.  It sounds tart and delicious.  I once saw a promo on tv for a program about the history of toast.  But I didn’t watch it.  I mean, I like toast, but c’mon.

Noob?  It’s The ManagementYour doing that thing we talked about.

Unsubstantiated!   I am not wearing my Burger King King mask.  You said that commercial campaign was creepy, and I’m trying to take your word for it.  I –

No.  The other thing.

Right!  Um, Relegation match in Denmark.  Winner is the best of the worst four finishers in the league, gets to stay up.  Loser will vie with others lowbies for a while longer.

RESULT:   Randers   2-1   And so they save their own skin for another top-flight season.

  1. Poli Timisoara vs. Gaz Metan Medias – Romania Liga I

Juventus Bucaresti are already slated for demotion. Poli Timisoara sit in the other auto-Relegation slot currently.  But there are still five teams very much in the loser-mix.

GMM have actually won a few matches since the league divided into championship and relegation subdivisions, but both these teams have run hot and cold in both ends of the field for weeks now.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for timmaay

 

 

 

Fun Fact:  Big Timisoara supporter

  1. Elfsborg vs. Goteborg – Sweden Allsvenskanliga

Elfsborg, what happened to your offense?  Even as a mid-table team last summer, you were prolific in that regard!  Now?  League’s worst. Third-to-last place.

Fun Fact:  Noob thinks Elfsborg isn’t even real.  Isn’t it the name of that big elf-town on LOTR?

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Pirin Blagoevgrad vs. Vitosha Bistritsa – Bulgaria First Pro League

These are the two losers from the first round of this league’s Relegation Playoffs.  The loser of this match is done, demoted to Liga II for next season.  The winner will have to win a one-off match with a designated, current Liga II team in order to stay up.

Bistritsa, we’ve hardly known ye.  They won no matches in the regular season, and just one during the Relegation subdivision group stage of the season.  They were promoted last season after finishing 3rd in the second-tier First League.

RESULT:   Bistritsa   1-2     It’s a Relegation Monday miracle!

Image result for vitosha bistritsa watercourse

Fun Fact:  Vitosha Bistritsa is the name of a waterway as well.

  1. Weiner Neustadt vs. Wacker Innsbruck – Austria First League

Congrats, Wacker Innsbruck, you’ve clinched a top-two finish and promotion to your nation’s Bundesliga!  How will you celebrate today?

With the Weiner-Wacker derby.

Damn right you will!

RESULT:   Neustadt   1-0

  1. Qabala vs. Qarabag – Kazakhstan Premier

Way to go, Qarabag!  They’ve run away with the league title this year.  Qarabag are #B and have clinched a top-four finish and berth to the next Europa League.  So little is on the line here.

But Noob cannot resist the allure of #1 versus #B.  I don’t even try.

RESULT:   Qarabag   0-1

Image result for kazakhstan potassium mining

 

So long from Kazakhstan! 

Still an awesome exporter of potassium.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Saturday (4/21) – MLS, UEFA leagues, bad Zlatan-wear

The ten most important matches for us, the newish American fans.  Things go from important to absolutely paramount in Europe when the seasons are hitting their climaxes.

Before we get to those – ‘Muricuh!

  1. L.A. Galaxy vs. Atlanta United – MLS

What a different a year can make!   The talk if the league is the Galaxy’s signing of international megastar striker Zlatan Ibrahimovich, but it’s actually their defense that has that #B in the West.

Atlanta United will test that defense.  They’re #3 in the tougher Eastern Conference.  The game kicks off 9:00 PM Eastern on NBA League Pass 6.

RESULT:   ATL   0-2

Image result for zlatan odd

 

 

Now that he’s in L.A., I guess he can stop wearing crazy lady’s gift sweater.

B.  Columbus Crew vs. New England Revolution – MLS

Your Major League Soccer undercard pits the #4 team in the East against #3.  The Revs have improved their defense after missing the playoffs last season.  They’d been on quite a roll until getting skunked at home by Dallas.

Columbus have been skunkier though, not scoring in consecutive matches and losing three straight.  But they’ve been creating chances, getting a little unlikely hitting wood repeatedly.  Noob strongly feels the Crew will right their ship today.   (7:30 PM, NBA League Pass 7)

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for letter B skunk

 

 

 

Number B, about to learn a hard lesson about skunkiness.

  1. North Carolina Courage vs. Utah Royals – NWSL

The good news for expansion Utah – they’ve only allowed two goals in three matches.  The bad news – they’ve only scored once.  The worse news – they travel to defending regular season champions Courage today.   (3:30 PM, Lifetime)

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Necaxa vs. UANL Tigres – Liga MX

Tigres are tied for 3rd with just three Clausura (second half-season) matches to go, but they have yet to secure a top-eight, postseason Liguilla spot.  Tigres are part of a three-way tie for 9th place, just a point shy of 8th.

Neither team gives up many goals.  If you like defense, this one is available to ogle at 10:00 PM on ESPN Deportes.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for Mexican defense

 

 

The Mexican Hornet Defense.

Really, it’s called that.

  1. Manchester United vs. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur – FA Cup

Noob-reviled, traitorously-named Hotspur face off against Man Utd in the Semifunal, at Wembley (neutral). Man U’s  slight edge on defense  should make them a winner today.  (12:15 PM, Fox Deportes)

RESULT:   Man U   2-1

  1. Barcelona vs. Sevilla – Copa del Rey

It’s the Final!  Sevilla have had a tremendous run in Spain’s FA Cup, especially given that they’re only in 7th in La Liga.  That run ends today in Madrid, and won’t end well for them.  Barcelona have yet to lose a league match all year.  Barca by two feels right.   (3:30 PM, ESPNEWS)

RESULT:   Barca   5-0

Image result for copa del rey trophy 2018

  1. RB Leipzig vs. 1899 Hoffenheim – Bundesliga

With four matches to go, that is also the number of points by which Leipzig trail 4th place Borussia Dortmund for the league’s last Champions League invite.  Hoffenheim (and Frankfurt) in turn only trail Leipzig by a point.

Leipzig are hardly falling apart, but Hoffenheim are peaking at the perfect time.  They’ve not lost in seven straight matches.  If they can push the ball today, a pivotal road win should be in their grasp.   (9:30 AM, Fox Soccer Plus)

RESULT:   Hoffenheim   2-5     Hoffenheim move into 5th

  1. SPAL 2013 vs. AS Roma – Serie A

Roma, Lazio, and Inter – one’s not going to Champions League.  The race for the last two of the four CL slot Italy is tight and then some.  Roma and Lazio are tied, with Inter lurking just a point behind.

SPAL are only one slot above the Relegation Zone, so they are not without a reason to fight.  They can’t score in general, and they’re unlikely to against defensive juggernaut Roma.   (9:00 AM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:  Roma 0-3

Image result for SPAL meme

 

 

Meaning?  No clue.

Terrified?  You betcha.

  1. Shakhtar Donetsk vs. Vorskla – Ukraine Premier

This the #8 league in Europe, a real rising power, getting two CL berths this year.  They’ve replaced Poland as Noob’s under-the-radar league to watch.

Shakhtar are the goal-scoring giant here.  Vorskla are in 3rd, and have overachieved in getting there.  They won’t score today, get run roughshod over.

RESULT:   S.D.   4-2

  1. Phoenix Rising vs. Swope Park Rangers – USL

Noob loves him some second-tier footyball.  On the weekend, though, usually their matches give way to top-flight leagues.  I’d scouted a sweet UAE match with which to finish today’s Track, but Al Nasr has since fallen out of the top quarter of their league table.  Denied!

These both made the playoffs last year.  Just a handful of games into this season, they’re in position again.  That said, Rangers appear to have fallen off defensively.  A lot.  Noobstradamus says Phoenix’s offensive will finally break out, net them a 3-1 win today.

RESULT:   2-2

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Phoenix Rising are about to get hot.  But it’ll be a dry heat.

’10 to Track’ for Globetrotting Friday (4/13) – from Liga MX to…Macau?

Noob is travelling 600 miles for a wedding this weekend.  Yet how many frequent miles are we going to collect trotting the globe for our footyball fix today?   So, so many more.

We start the Ten today close to home, then flit away to soccer hinterlands!

  1. Vancouver Whitecaps vs. LAFC – MLS

So far it looks like MLS’ one expansion team this season – LAFC – is fortunate to be a Western Conference club.  The East looks much stronger.  Still, being a shiny new team and having made the biggest signing of the season gets their game the #1 slot in today’s Track.

Despite finishing 3rd in their conference last season, Vancouver looked merely average last season.  This season the number seems similar, yet there they are in #B (though it’s early).

RESULT:   LAFC   0-2

B.  Philadelphia Union vs. Orlando City – MLS

Your MLS undercard is two teams that didn’t make the playoffs last year.   Orlando, at least, are playing better this young season, in the top six.  Philly isn’t scoring or allowing much, and the strategy isn’t working for them so far.

But remember!  The most important thing is to never, ever root for a Swamp City team.  Looking at you, Orlando.  In the words of the philosophy’s founder, The Management: “Orlando is a giant strip mall raised out of the swamp by a bunch of mice-men.”

We look forward to your comments, central Floridians!  (8:00 PM, ESPN)

RESULT:   Orlando   0-2

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Get to higher ground – like Georgia.  Can root for Atlanta Utd. then at least.

  1. Tijuana vs. Guadalajara – Liga MX

Guadalajara just advanced to the CONCACAF Champions League final a couple nights ago.  Yet they’re only in 15th in Liga MX.  While only three points out of eighth and a postseason playoff (Liguilla) berth, they just have too many teams to jump in their last three matches.

Tijuana are in a three-way tie for 7th.  They’re the best of those three.  Plus, it will be interesting to see of the Quad Squad doesn’t rotate some back-ups in, save up for the first leg of the CCL Final in four days.  (10:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Tijuana   3-0

  1. Hamrun Spartans vs. Lija Athletic – Malta Premier

Historically strategic militarily?  You betcha!  Soccer powerhouse?   Well… the league ranks 47 out of 55 in Europe.  Yet this is why we trot the globe.

Malta’s top league has been dominated by three teams through the years.   These ain’t them.  Hamrun are a middling team.  Lija will be trotting back down to the country’s second division forthwith.  They’ve won just one game all season.

Fun Fact:  Longtime Spartan Stefan Sultana is the league’s all-time leading scorer, with 252 goals.

RESULT:   1-1

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His stare and jawline are responsible for 159 of the goals.

  1. Gjilani vs. Feronikeli – Kosovo Super League

Kosovo’s is UEFA’s newest league.   They rank last, technically because they just haven’t accumulated any international play-points.  It’s still probably realistic.  Let’s get to know the new neighbors!

Drita lead the league.  While not running away with it, they’re only very close competition is Prishtina, which is the best club from the former Yugoslavian league to play in Kosovo’s.  These two featured today are 7th and 5th-place.

Fun Facts:  The city Gjilan has a pop. of over 50,000 and over 90,000 in the municipality.  Their stadium seats an impressive 10,000.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Ismaily vs. Al Masry – Egypt Premier

Africa’s highest-ranked league sports a fine matchup today.  #B hosts #4 in a battle for the league’s second CAF Champions League berth.  (Historic powerhouse Al Ahly has already claimed 1st place).

Ismaily is eight points up on their guests, but only six up on the team in between.  They’ve not lost since mid-February.  Al Masry has only lost twice since 2018 began.

RESULT:     ppd

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One of Ismaily’s club nicknames is “The Mango”.

Maybe not the Chris Kattan-Mango…

  1. Al Anwar vs. Al Hilal – Libya Premier

Libya’s top league is ranked 14th, and that’s not awful.  The top dozen earn two invites to CL.  The league is divided into four Groups for much of the season.  The winners of each will play off to determine who earns berths into CL and Confederation Cup (Africa’s version of Europa League).

They’re only a few games into their season, but Hilal are #B and just three points out of 1st.  Anwar is 4th, doesn’t seem to score enough to look like a threat.

  1. Guangzhou Evergrande vs. Shangahi Shenhua – Chinese Super League

Time for Asia’s #1 league!   The season there is just five games old.   Last year’s champ, Evergrande, is #B.  Shenhua is an interesting case.  They only finished 11th last year, yet won the country’s FA Cup.  Currently they are in 4th.

RESULT:   2-2

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  1. Tak Chun Ka I vs. CPK – Macau Liga de Elite

Macau is a tiny little city near Hong Kong, an autonomous region in and of China.  Well, tiny in geographic size.  It’s 650,000 residents make it the most densely-populated place in the world.  Their league is ranked #35 out of 46 in Asia.  These are the #5 and #B teams in their young season.

Fun Fact:  Ka I won the league three straight years, 2012-14.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Safa vs. Al Akhaa Al Ahli – Lebanon Premier

We finish the Track with the #21 league in Asia.  These two are 3rd and 4th-place, respectively.  They’re both way behind the top two in the table.

Fun Fact:  Safa are the club supported by the Druze ethno-religious of the country.  Theirs is a faith that descents from a branch of Islam, though is not generally thought of as Islamic.

RESULT:    AAAA   1-2

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A flowchart from druzenet