AFC Champions League Archives

’10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday (1/11) – Liga MX, Asian Up, CAF Champions League lead the way

Noob’s return continues! Last Monday we celebrated Relegation matches of suckitude for the first time since the holidays. Today, we return to our Globetreotting ways. When the biggest leagues provide a little less, we spend our Friday perusing matches far and wide!

Come, Noobites! Let’s discover a world of soccer. As always, we start close to home —

1. Atlas vs. CF America – Liga MX

CONCACAF league rank: doesn’t have ’em, but this is #1
Table position: Apertura #15, #2 and Liguilla winner
Time of season: early

Atlas won their first match of the Clausura (second half-season of the Mexican football year). They needed a hot start after crapping the bed for first half-season. After getting just 11 goals that whole time, they already have two.

This is America’s first match. They’re awesome and will almost certainly perform terrible deeds upon their host tonight. View the carnage at 10:00 PM on Univision Deportes.

Fun Fact: La Barra 51 are Atlas’ primary supporters group, named for 1951 – the last time and I think only time they ever won the top-flight championship.

RESULT: America 1-2

B. Palestine vs. Australia – Asian Cup

This is the quadrennial championship for the AFC. The qualification rounds are done and the Group Stage is at hand. All the remaining matches are being held in U.A.E. Six pods of four teams each each duke it in a round robin out for two slots in the next, bracketed round.

Defending champs Australia (#41 in the world, #2 in the AFC) actually lost their first match. HYOOJ. Jordan also won their second match, so it’s looking like one slot will be theirs.

Palestine are rated the 16th-best national team in Asia, #99 overall by FIFA. They had a scoreless draw with Syria to open this stage.

RESULT: Socceroos 0-3

Image result for letter B sexy

Number B- enticing you to join the question to be done with Number 2.

3. Leeds vs. Derby County – EFL Championship

UEFA league rank: n/a; second-tier league in England
Table positions: #1, #6
Teams promoted: 3
Time of season: middle

Even as only England’s second-highest league, this is probably a top-15 league talent-wise in Europe. The top two teams will be Promoted to Premier League, with the next four having a playoff for one last slot.

Leeds still lead the league, but they’ve allowed it to be a tight race after losing two league matches in a row (and their recent FA Cup match as well). Both were road losses, but six goals conceded is bad against Nottingham and QPR.

Derby have kept their hopes afloat with a lot of draws of late. They don’t appear to have the defense to hold a top-six position, recently or over the season as a whole so far. Noob predicts a shootout today. First one to three goals wins!

RESULT: Leeds 2-0

One of Noob’s all-time favorite crests.

So many design elements here give it a three-dimensional look. This would make a fine ornamental piece.

4. Lobi Stars vs. Mamelodi Sundowns – CAF Champions League

If it seems like the last iteration of this tournament just ended, you’re not wrong. They’re moving from a Feb-Nov. timeframe to an Aug.-May format in 2019. So this 2018-19 version is the tweener, running Dec.-May.

The qualification round is done, and this is the first day of the Group Stage. Four pods of four clubs each compete in a double round robin for two slots each in the next, bracketed round.

Lobi won last year’s Nigerian Premier. This league is ranked #13 in Africa. Just a notch higher and they would’ve qualified the maximum two teams into this event. The Stars’ success is predicated more on defense than scoring.

The Sundowns are one of two teams from the #6-ranked South African Premier. Their league season is about halfway over. They;re in 4^th place, but have 3-4 matches in hand over the teams above them. They’re also undefeated, though with lots of draws. They’re even more defensive-minded than Lobi.

If either teams scores, it will be Mamelodi. They should be considered a 1-2 goal favorite today.

RESULT: Lobi 2-1

Image result for soccer compression socks funny

Soccer compression socks.

5. Mantab vs. Conaree – Saint Kitts and Nevis Premier

CONCACAF league rank: n/a; prolly not in the top few Caribbean ones
Table positions: #8, #5
Clubs relegated: 2
Time of season: over 1/3 done

The winner of this league will probably qualify for the next Caribbean Club Shield – a new second-tier tournament for semi-pro and amateur clubs in that region. But neither of these two are likely to be vying for that.

Conaree aren’t bad, but don’t have the offense to nearly compete for international competition. Mantab are just trying to stay in the country’s top flite. The bottom two here will be demoted to First Division next season. Mantab couldn’t score even with the help of a map to the back of an opponent’s net. They’re above the cutline now, barely, and in real danger.

Fun-nish Fact: Mantab’s home city of Basseterre – the SKN capital – has been destroyed seemingly countless times by war and natural disaster.

RESULT: 1-1

6. Somerset Trojans vs. Robin Hood – Bermuda Premier

CONCACAF league rank: n/a; perhaps a little stronger than SKN
Table positions: last, first
Clubs relegated: 2
Time of season: middle

Undefeated Robin Hood are in a dead heat with Pembroke Hamilton for the league lead, tied on table points and goal differential. Noob tends to favor well-balanced teams like Robin Hood, but P.H. are the defensive stalwarts of the country.

Should be a fabulous title race, especially with wide-open styled X-Roads Warriors close in 3^rd. Noob thinks this is one of the region’s fully professional leagues, which means they’ll be able to send up to two clubs to the Caribbean Club Championship.

Somerset have yet to win their first match. Their stats aren’t much worse than other bottom teams here, but they’re deep in last just the same. Defense is their undoing.

RESULT: Robin Hood 3-5

Image result for somerset bermuda

Forget the footyball!

Noob’s down for learning that.

7. Tefana vs. Central Sport – Tahiti Ligue 1

OFC league ranking: n/a; probably about 4^th INHO
Table positions: #4, #2
Stakes: top four make league playoffs, top two make OFC CL
Time of season: almost halfway

Noob estimates this league’s strength based on guessing that national team and league strength probably corelate with smaller nations like these.

There’s actually a three-way tie for #B right now. Defending champs Central don’t bother with defense so much, but score like gangbusters in league.

Seven of the 10 league teams are very much in the hunt. It will be interesting to see if Tefana cam hang on to a spot. They’re well-balanced, but lack enough on offense to make Noob guess no. Manu Ura, more traditional powers Pirae or both will pass them eventually.

Fun Fact: Tefana are one of two clubs to advance as far as the OFC CL final (2012).

RESULT: 2-2

8. Al Hilal vs. Al Raed – Saudi Pro League

AFC league ranking: #7
Table positions: #1, #9
Stakes: top three make AFC CL
Time of season: middle

It’s not quite a two-horse race in Saudi Arabia, but it’s close to being such. Defending champs Al Hilal should be able to maintain their position atop the table hosting a midtable club.

Al Raed have overachieved to date this season. The second-worst offense in the league should be a lodestone around their necks that drags them down close to, if not into, the Relegation Zone.

RESULT: 1-1

WATCH: Al-Hilal supporters pull off freakishly good Mortal Kombat mosaic

Pretty cool “Mortal Kombat” mosaic the Hilal supporters pulled off.

9. Police vs. AS Kigali – Rwanda Premier

CAF league ranking: unranked
Table positions: #5, #6
Stakes: one berth in CAF CL
Time of season: almost halfway

Rwanda’s top flite may not be ranked at present, but they are slated to be #17 next version! That will still only be good enough for one league berth into the Champions League there though.

These two are all but out of the running. Police are nine points out of first in the table, still have maybe a glimmer of hope. Kigali are three points further back. Too many draws there. But for anyone to catch the top two, someone’s going to have to figure out how to score on them anyway. They’ve combined to allow just seven goals between them all season.

Fun Fact: The Police F.C. manager’s first name is “Innocent”.

RESULT: 2-2

10. Adama Kenema vs. Dire Dawa City – Ethiopia Premier

CAF league ranking: tied for #13
Table positions: #9, #10
Clubs Relegated: 3
Time of season: earlyish

Like aforementioned Nigeria, Ethiopia’s league needs to climb just one more notch in the rankings to earn a second Champions League invitation. Neither of these clubs are likely to be there. They’re below average of the 16, making them slightly more likely candidates to to be Relegated.

Kenema’s going to be the better team, perhaps finish in the top half, given their offense. Dire Dawa will likely stay just where they are, scuffling along as they neither score many goals nor give up too many.

RESULT: Adama 1-0

Image result for adama ethiopia funny

So long from Adama!

Adama University – cool building

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition (12/4-6) soccer match previews – Copa Argentina Final completes our Track

The Midweek Edition now stands complete at ten. There was just one match needed for Thursday to complete the set.

Tuesday and Wednesday’s matches and results now follow further down.

Please consider following Noob on Twitter @SoccerNoobUSA.com. Inquire for details on how to possibly join footyball discussions with cool cats on Bros Talking Soccer’s new Slack. And click an ad , if you are so inclined. Some of the stuff is even soccer-related!

Back again tomorrow for Globetrotting Friday!

Thursday

10. Rosario Central vs. Gimnasia LP – Copa Argentina

The Final! And this match is a one-off in Mendoza – a neutral location. Noob is continually surprised that outside Europe in particular that such otherwise weak-seeming teams advance to title matches. Rosario are in 14^th of 28 Primera league teams and Gimnasia in 21^st. The winner gets much more than a few pesos and a trophy. There’s a qualification to the next Copa Libertadores up for grabs!

Trying to get excited for this one, but it may be tough to watch. Rosario doesn’t score much, and they look like an offensive juggernaut compared to Gimnasia. Catch this one at 7:10 PM Eastern on TyC Sports International if you dare. And have a deep enough satellite TV package.

RESULT: Rosario 1-1 / 4-1 PK’s All hail the Argentine champs!

Image result for Mendoza argentina weird So long from Mendoza!

At least you can stay in a cool vineyard “hotel” when visiting.

Wednesday

3. Monterrey vs. Cruz Azul – Liga MX

Semifinals time in the Apertura (first half-season) Liguilla (playoffs)!

This this Round will also feature two-legged ties, same as the Quarters did. Regular season #1 Cruz Azul gets the honor of hosting the second leg of the home-and-away series, which means they open in Monterrey today.

Cruz Azul haven’t lost since October 20. They’d won five straight matches until finishing off their quarterfinal draw with a 1-1 draw last time out. Plenty of teams score as much or more than C.A., but none defend like them (just 13 goals given up in the 17-match regular season).

Monterrey haven’t proven to be quite as good on either side of the ball. But as one would imagine, they’re not that far off C.A.’s pace, given that they made the playoffs. They’ve not lost in five matches. But they’ve not beaten Cruz Azul in nine consecutive tries.

RESULT: Monterrey 1-0 Make that once in their last ten tries!

4. Manchester United vs. Arsenal – English Premier League

Arsenal just had a big, God-ordained win in the North London derby. After doing the Lord’s work in defeating named-for-an-historical-traitor (Harry Percy) Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur, can they get pumped up again for Man Utd.?

Man Utd have had a dismal year compared to expectations, the usual-title contenders wallowing in 8^th place right now. They haven’t won a league match in a month. None of this has been a fluke, either, as they’re struggling on both sides of the ball. For this team to rise again, the great goalkeeper David de Gea is going to need to lead the way. Defense has been even weaker than offense on the season.

Arsenal are in 4^th, which is the number of clubs EPL will qualify for the next Champions League. One would point out their offense as the best around if it weren’t for league #1 Man City blowing everyone out of the water in that department. Defense has been spotty for them, too, at least compared to other table-top clubs. German international Bernd Lemo has decidedly been the weak link. Looking for a shootout today. (3:00 PM Eastern, NBCSN)

RESULT: 2-2

Image result for Sir Topham Hatt happy

Sir Topham Hatt cannot be cross so soon after a Hotspur loss.

5. Atletico Junior vs. Atletico PR – Copa Sudamericana

The Final! And crap on a cracker, Noob would’nt have been passing on covering this event had I not had bad info stuck in my head.

This tournament is the equivalent of Europa League, a tournament below the level of Champions League – or, in South America – Copa Libertadores. Noob did not think the winner of Sudamericana automatically qualified for the following years Libertadores, but they do. And that’s some high stakes.

Columbia’s Junior started in the this year’s Libertadores. After finishing 3^rd place in their pod in the Group Stage there, they were dropped into this event. They’ve been very strong in their domestic league statistically, yet are just in 6^th place right now. Trouble closing out the close matches, anyone?

Atletico Paranaense only qualified for this event, were not dropped down from following a Libertadores round. They just finished the Brazilian season one spot (7^th) out of qualifying for the next Libertadores already.

Based on general knowledge of the pecking order of domestic leagues in South America and Elo ratings from footballdatabase.com, it seems fair to say Junior are an even match at best at home today.

RESULT: 1-1

6. Zamora vs. Deportivo Lara – Venezuela Premier

This is the second leg of the Serie Final, which pits the playoff champions from the Apertura and Clausura stages of the season against one another. The first match was played at Lara and ended in a 1-1 draw.

If one is interested in a couple extra details, scroll down to the Leg One match preview from 12/2. Suffice it to say here and now that Zamora are the hotter team the second half of the year and most definitely favored today at home.

RESULT: Zamora 4-1 2018 Venezuelan chamPEEENS will dance with that sexy disco robot from the future of 1984

Winners get to party at KirovBar, Barinas (home of Zamora FC) for disco and with this guy….thing!

7. Ulsan Hyundai vs. Daegu FC – (South) Korean FA Cup

The Final! First leg, anyway. Second one will be at Daegu. In Europe, FA Cup winners typically just qualify for the secondary Europa League tournament. Here, the winner not only qualifies for the next AFC Champions League, they’ll enter at the Group Stage (the latest any team enters).

Ulsan finished the K League 1 in third place. That’s just high enough to net them an AFC CL berth, but not as late as the Group Stage. They have to play their way into that as things stand now, via a “playoff round”.

Daegu finished just 7^th, didn’t qualify for squat. They’re not nearly as good on either side of the ball as Ulsan, but particularly trail them in goal-scoring.

That said, Daegu haven’t lost in any of their last seven matches across all competitions. They enter vastly hotter than Ulsan. Noob thinks Daegu are easily an even match for Ulsan, maybe even should be favored, given all the momentum they have.

RESULT: Daegu 1-2 #7 in the league, but #1 in our FA Cup-hearts!

8. Northeast United vs. Bengaluru – India Super League

Reminder: India has two top-flite leagues. The other is the I-League. ISL is the one that does not have promotion/relegation. It was created under more of an MLS-like franchise model to promote soccer in the country. They do not qualify teams into international competition like AFC Champions League.

But that doesn’t mean this #B-#1 matchup is any less shiny and alluring! Top four will make the league playoffs. Bengalaru are still undefeated eight matches into the season. They have a game in hand on Northeast, on top of leading them by four points in the table. These teams are the cream of the crop defensively, so look for a low-scoring affair today. (9:00 AM, Asianet Movies)

RESULT: 1-1 Bengaluru saved their undefeated record at 90′ with a goal

Image result for shiny things funny

That… doesn’t feel relevant…

Who’s doing images around here now, anyway?

Noob missed Dan the Intern-Inferno.

9. Turbine Potsdam vs. VfL Wolfsburg – Frauen-Bundesliga

Lyon may be the #1 women’s team in Europe, but it’s Germany’s top league that ranks most highly. And no German team is mightier than Wolfsburg – 10-0-0 so far.

Top two will qualify for the next women’s UEFA Champions League. That second slot looks likely to either go to Potsdam or Bayern Munich. No one’ going to get Wolfsburg though. After all, they’ve outscored opponents 46-2 so far. Good golly.

RESULT: 1-1 The leaders can bleed, they’re human!

Tuesday

1. UANL vs. Guadalajara – Liga MX Femenil

Time for the second leg of the Apertura (first half-season) Semfinals! All four teams are in action today. This matchup intrigues Noob a little more because UANL are undefeated. Guadalajara got a 1-1 draw at their own place, no small feat.

Matching up with the league’s best on their own turf likely to be a whole other matter. UANL scored over three goals per match during the regular season, 2/3 again as many as Guadalajara, and while playing about the same caliber of defense.

RESULT: UANL 5-3 On to the finals!

B. Montpelier vs. Lille – Ligue 2

Paris Saint-Germain are still undefeated, miles ahead of the pack. So the race is on for just two more Champions League berths. Lille have fallen to 4^th, not having one in any of their last five outings. They’ve been outscored 8-3 over that time. Montpelier are #B in the table.

RESULT: Lille 0-1 Lille jump up to # B

But wait, just two matches to start the week? Yup. Sounds like more high-quality content that soccer lovers everywhere want. It’s time for a —

NOOB SANDWICH REVIEWOOB!

Last installment of NOOB SANDWICH REVIEWOOB, Noob took Subway to task over there new steak sandwich on sunflower bread, a catastrophe if ever there was one.

Today’s featured sammich is much close to home for Noob. My six year-old daughter – PersonNoob -created this one recently.

What you’re seeing is four pieces of wheat bread in a

single stack. Each is liberally covered with strawberry jelly. Here pictured, I’ve removed the top layer to show what she has smashed inside — a Little Bites “birthday cake”-flavored mini-muffin.

We know from “Fizzy’s Lunch Lab” television program that “wheat is sweet”. But four pieces? I applaud PersonNoob’s creativity, but one only needs more than two if you’re layering the sammich in different ways between slices. I blame myself as a parent.

The mini-muffins are fine as prepackaged fare goes. Certainly eaten my share of ones PN hasn’t finished on our way to her school.

To my surprise, the sweet jam and the “birthday” aspect of the muffin didn’t make this sickeningly sweet, at least not at the first bite. Yes, I tried it, though only ventured that one bite. As you might imagine, the texture was just straight up waaaay too much bread.

So does Noob dare really rate a sandwich his own sweet daughter created? You betcha. And while this is the highest rating I’ve yet given a sandwich, the finished product still didn’t do all that well.

On the Noob Sammich Review sammich rating scale of one to five Sammiches, I rate the “Extra-Tall Wheat Jelly and Birthday Cake Mini-Muffin Sandwich” at just 1.5 Sammiches.

’10 to Track’ Relegation Monday (12/3) — previews for Matches of Suckitude

Noob always endeavors to bring us the ten most important matches to follow as newish American fans of the global game.

Monday’s, that “importance” takes a different turn – Matches of Suckitude! Most of today’s featured games include at least one club on the verge of getting Relegated from their league, kicked out for poor performance.

As always, let’s start with a few matches of happier import —

1. Guiseley vs. Fleetwood Town – English FA Cup

This is the Second Round Proper of the tournament. There are Rounds before these two “Proper” ones, qualifying rounds for teams from levels 5-10 of the English football pyramid. At the First Round proper, teams from the third and fourth pyramid levels entered the competition.

Just a few teams from Level 6 (and none lower) remain now. Those are considered Minnows – underdogs. Folks like to root for them to make surprising, deep runs in this event. Guiseley, from West Yorkshire) will take all the support they can garner. They were Relegated from the National League (level 5) last year after a last-place finish and they’re doing little better this year a level down. The defense is okay, but the offense is nearly non-existent.

Fleetwood are from the third tier, League One. They’re below average there. But they’re fully professional and so should be heavy favorites today.

RESULT: Fleetwood 1-2

B. APOEL Nicosia vs. Apollon Limassol – Cyprus First Division

Surprise, the Cypriot league is in the top 20 in all UEFA! If they rise a few more spots, they may soon qualify multiple teams for UEFA Champions League.

Noob has a soft spot APOEL, as one of my earliest Twitter followers is a mom of one of their players.

They’re in 3rd. Much as Noob wishes it were otherwise, I suspect this league will eventually be a two-team race between Apollon (the best team in the league) and #1-for-the-moment AEL Limassol.

APOEL are only an even match at best for their guests today.

RESULT: APOEL 5-1 Oh MY

Image result for soft letter B

Noob also has a soft spot for soft Number B.

3. Bhayangkara vs. PSM Makassar – Indonesia Liga 1

Noob can never be accused of not being a citizen of the world. #27 league in Asia? Sure! The season there is nearly done and the title is undecided. Just one team may even possibly qualify for the next AFC Champions League from here. The champ may also end up in the AFC Cup, a secondary tournament for teams from what the AFC considers “developing football nations”.

Only two matches remain for all clubs there, and Makassar trail Jakarta by two points in the table. No other team is close enough to possibly catch them.

Unfortunately for Makassar, Bhayangkara still have something to play for. They can still catch the #3 club, and that slot might qualify for an AFC Cup berth. Bhayangkara don’t have the defensive PSM do, but the score about the same. At home, Noob considers them a slight favorite.

RESULT: 0-0

And now, your Matches of Suckit000000000d —

4. Levante vs. Athletic Club – La Liga

Three clubs will get Relegated from Spain’s top league at season’s end. Currently, Athletic Club are 18^th of 20 teams. They’d be even deeper in the hole with their just one win, but they’ve earned draws in a mind-boggling eight of their dozen other matches.

Levante are 11^th, as average as it gets. At home, that should easily be good enough to beat Athletic Club. Though I guess a ninth draw might be in order for the guests today. (3:00 PM Eastern, beIN Sports)

RESULT: Levante 3-0

Image result for wearing lots of ties

Lots of ties, Noob gets it.

The tiny soul patch is the more troubling facet.

5. Nurnberg vs. Bayer Leverkusen – Bundesliga

Germany’s is a another that gives three teams The Boot. Nurnberg is third-to-last, courtesy of not playing a goalie ever. Well, their stats make it look like that, anyway. Even so, they might have a coin-flip’s chance at a win at home today. #12 Leverkusen are better on both sides of the ball, but not by tons.

Fun Fact: Nurnberg have been Relegated from Bundesliga eight times, most all-time.

RESULT: 1-1

6. Bubali vs. Estrella – Aruba Division di Honor

Aruba? Surely nothing could suck in that paradise. But they have Relegation even there. One team will be automatically sent down. We’re getting to know our CONCACAF brethren, even in states of Suckitude. Hallo, neighbors!

The next two in the table are pegged to participate in a Relegation Playoff. To be honest, Noob’s not sure if they play one another and the loser also goes down to Division Uno (second-tier league) or if they play teams from Division Uno for a chance to stay up.

Regardless, Bubali are in 9^th of the ten teams. The season is just a few matches in there, but ti’s not too early to say that if they can’t up their scoring to better than one goal per, they’re going down. Estrella are in 4^th, but don’t defend a ton. Still, they have the firepower to handle Bubali, even on the road.

RESULT: Estrella 0-2

Image result for Bubali aruba

There’s Bubali on the western coast.

7. Tigre vs. Godoy Cruz – Argentina Premier

Tigre are in 19^th of 28 teams. Not bad, if nowhere near good. Unfortunately for them, this league uses a three-year table for determining who goes down.

And Tigre were so awful the last two, there’s little they can do to save themselves from getting Dropped. They’re in last in that aggregate table, would have to jump three teams to stay up. Perhaps they might get a draw against 10th-place Godoy Cruz. (3:10 PM, TyC Sports International)

Fun Fact: Tigre made the Copa Sudamericana final in 2012, but refused to finish the match after falling behind 0-2 at the half (questionably citing “security concerns”).

RESULT: GC 1-3

8. Yeni Malatyaspor vs. Akhisarspor – Turkey Super Lig

Y.M. just got Promoted to top flite this season, but it’s not them that’s Sucking. They’re in 7^th. They’re parking the bus a little, not scoring or getting scored upon lots. It won’t get them higher in the table, but so far it’s easily keeping them afloat.

Akhisarspor are in third-to-last, and Turkey’s is yet another league that kicks three out annually. Their offense is almost average, but the defense is tied for worst.

RESULT: 1-1

Image result for turkey floating

Floating turkey.

No apologies.

9. AGF Aarhus vs. Velje Boldklub – Denmark Superliga

The Danish top league divided into Championship and Relegation subgroups later in the season. Top six play for the title. These two aren’t going to be among those.

Aarhus are in 11^th. They show enough of a spark on defense to give hope that they’ll ultimately survive, not actually be Relegated. Velje, on the other hand, are just plain awful. They don’t score even a goal per match on average, and not because they pack it in on D by any stretch.

Fun Fact: Aarhus were founded in 1880, primarily focused on gymnastics and fencing.

RESULT: Aarhus 2-1

10. Dibba Al-Fujairah vs. Al Ittihad Kalba – U.A.E. Pro-League

We finish our Track today in the #4 league in all Asia. That shiny ranking is no thanks whatsoever to DAF. They’re the mirror opposite of well-balanced, sporting both the second-worst offense and defense. Kalba are below-average, but should be favored by a goal even on the road against this lot.

RESULT: Kalba 1-3

Image result for Dibba Al fujairah stadium

So long from Dibba Al Fujairah Stadium!

It doesn’t meet the Pro-League’s reqs though, so they play in nearby Fujairah City.

Extra Credit: matches from the women’s EAFF E-1 tournament (East Asia), #3 Dynamo Kiev vs #11 Chornomorets Odessa – Ukrainian Premier, #8 Astra Giurgiu vs. #9 Botosani – Romania Liga I, #12 Opava vs #1 Slavia Prague – Czech First Division, #10 Enosis Paralimni vs #4 AEK Larnaca – Cyprus First Division.

’10 to Track’ Saturday (12/1) soccer match previews – Liga MX, Premier League lead the way

Noob could choose to define the mantra here of “the ten most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game” any number of ways.

But in the quest to learn soccer, I’ve learned I want to embrace the game everywhere its found. Today’s Track proudly sports matches from all six continents and federations.

1. Santos vs. Monterrey – Liga MX

This is the second leg of the opening, Quarterfinal round of the Apertura (first half-season) Liguilla (postseason tournament). Tonight’s match completes the home-and-away series.

These are the #4 and #5 seeds. They finished in a three-way tie with another club during the regular season and statistically look very much alike. Monterrey won the first leg at their place, 1-0. Best aggregate score will advance in the bracket.

All the momentum is on the side of Monterrey right now. They haven’t lost in four matches and have conceded only two goals over that stretch. Santos haven’t win in four matches, only score three times over those games.

The winner will almost certainly face #1 Cruz Azul in the Semifinals. They’re up 2-0 in their Quarterfinal and have yet to host their match. (10:00 PM Eastern, Univision)

RESULT: Monterrey 0-2 on to the Semis to face Cruz Azul

B. Manchester City vs. AFC Bournemouth – English Premier League

This may be the English match today involving the collectively two highest teams in the table, but it sure doesn’t look competitive. Man City are the world’s greatest club running at the moment.

Bournemouth are tied for 8^th. More, Noob’s Fighting Cherries have lost three straight, all by 2-1 scores. They had an extremely hot streak to start the year, but that magic has cooled. (10:00 AM, NBCSN)

RESULT: Man City 3-1

Image result for letter B cherry

Noob’s been faithful to the quest for Number B.

Number B stays loyal with me in support of the Fighting Cherries of Bournemouth.

3. Lille vs. Lyon – Ligue 1

Once you get past 14-0-0 PSG, there’s quite a race going on in France! Lyon are #B. Lille is one of three teams trailing them by just a point. Top three will make the next Champions league.

Noob doesn’t think Lyon have the defensive ability to maintain their table position, will be one of the odd teams out for a top three finish. Defense is Lille’s greater strength and so they should be expected to get a result here at home.

RESULT: 2-2

4. Flamengo vs. Atletico PR – Brazil Serie A

The last round of matches begins in Brazil now. #B versus #7 isn’t usually shiny enough to capture Noob’s fickle gaze, but this is one with specific meaning.

Flamengo can’t catch Palmeiras (and hail to the champs!), nor can they be passed by anyone. They’re headed to the next Copa Libertadores, qualifying straight through to the Group Stage.

Atletico Paranaense right now are the odd team out of the CL mix. Top six get in and they’re in 7^th. APR have lacked on defense compared to teams like Flamengo all year. But with the hosts having essentially nothing to play for, who knows – they may start all scrubs.

Noob’s guess is that APR gets a result today and is still stuck in 7^th, headed to Copa Sudamericana – South America’s version of Europa League.

RESULT: Atletico PR 1-2 But Atletico MG also one, so no Copa Libertadores for Paraense

Image result for Flamengo youth soccer

Meet Flamengo’s U10 squad.

They’re probably starting this match.

5. Nigeria vs. South Africa – Africa Women Cup of Nations

Let’s get someone a trophy – it’s the Final! This is the most prestigious tournament for national teams in Africa and is held every other year. This match is a one-off in Ghana, where the whole tournament has been being hosted.

Nigeria are the defending champs and #1 team in the CAF, and it’s not even terribly close. South Africa rate fourth-best (#38 and #50 worldwide). It’s worth noting, however, that South Africa beat Nigeria 0-1 in the Group Stage.

RESULT: Nigeria 0-0 / 4-3 pk Nigeria are chamPEEENS!

6. Olimpia vs. Real España – Honduras National League

This is the second leg of the Apertura playoff Semifinals. Regular season runners-up Olimpia earned a 2-2 draw on the road in the first match of this home-and-away series. Real are high-octane – all O, no D. At home, the better-balanced Olimpia-ns should take care of business.

RESULT: 0-0 so with the aggregate score tied at two, Olimpia advances on away-goals

Image result for high octane funny

If he does “The Pigeon”, Noob’s going on a killing spree.

7. San Pedro vs. Verdes – Belize Premier

Is this match, this league “important” in the football world? Probably not by most anyone’s standards. It’s one of the weaker leagues of Central America. But Noob is bound and determined that we will gain at least a passing familiarity with all other CONCACAF member leagues. Hallooo, neighbors!

More, this is a Semifinal! As the lesser, #3 seed, San Pedro host the first leg of the home-and-away series. They’re not out of their class when comparing defenses here.

But Verdes tied for first in the Opening Stage (like Apertura) regular season, only missing 1^st by lesser goal differential. And this league was never anything but a two-team race. Verdes are light years better on offense.

RESULT: it now appears this was slated for 11/30 but was postponed

8. Fiji vs. New Zealand – OFC Nations Cup

Oceania’s confederation host this tournament just once every four years. It serves as the qualifier for both World Cup and the Olympics.

And here’s your final! It’s a one-off match, being played in New Caledonia, as was the whole tournament. These are the only OFC teams to rank in the top 100 worldwide. New Zealand are the defending champs and 20th-rated team anywhere by FIFA. Fiji are ranked #89 and will have to try and be happy with second place. Because they’re about to get wrecked.

RESULT: New Zealand 0-8 Wrecked indeed

Image result for New Zealanders funny

Well that explains it then.

9. Consadole Sapporo vs. Sanfrecce Hiroshima – Japan J1 League

Just like Brazil’s top flite, this league is now in it’s last round of matches. The top three all qualify for the next AFC Champions League. Only champs (and congrats!) Kawasaki qualify directly to the Group Stage there. The next two will have to play in earlier rounds.

Hiroshima are #B, up just a point in the table on newly-minted AFC CL-titleholders Kashima and two above Sapporo. And what the fruit happened to Hiroshima? At one point they led the entire league by nine points. They’ve now lost seven straight matches. If they can manage a draw today, they’ll finish no worse than 3^rd place and still qualify for the next CL. Even if they lose, Kashima has to win to pass them and knock them out of the top three.

Sapporo have won three of four and been reported by the Japan Times to be seen licking their chops endlessly in anticipation of this match.

RESULT: 2-2 And so Kawasaki win the league, Hiroshima hold on to second, and Kashima finish 3rd. Sapporo – no AFC CL for yooooou.

10. Ballymena United vs. Linfield – Northern Ireland Premier

We finish our Track today with a shiny #B-#1 matchup. Does Noob care that it’s in one of the weakest leagues in all Europe? Not at all! (OK, maybe a little. They’ve fallen behind Gibraltar for goodness’ sake, which has the population of like Ames, Iowa.)

Anyway, the season is halfway complete in this semi-pro league. The race is shaping up to be a dramatic one. Linfield lead their hosts today by just a point in the table. Glenavon are just a point farther back, and defending champs Crusaders are just six back of their familiar spot.

The top four all average about two goals per game. But in this offensively-leaning league, it’s only Linfield that can defend as well. They’re the only club giving up less than a goal per game average.

RESULT: Ballymena 1-2 We have a new leader in the NIFL Premier!

Image result for Slemish Mountain Saint Patrick So long from Slemish Mountain, Ballymena – said to be first irish home of Saint Patrick.

This guy’s just a Sean Astin-wannabe though.

Extra Credit: Any of the many second round English FA Cup matches, #5 Sheffield United vs. #B Leeds United – English Championship, #5 Grenoble vs. #1 Metz – France’s Ligue 2

#B Legia Warsaw vs. #4 Korono Kielce – Poland Ekstraklasa, #3 Zilinia vs. #B DAC 1904 Dunajska Streda – Slovakia Super Liga, #3 Domzale vs. #1 Maribor – Slovenia Prva Liga, #3 Malaga vs. #4 Granada – Spain’s Segunda Liga, today’s AFF Cup and women’s EAFF-1 matches

’10 to Track’ Sunday (11/25) soccer match previews – MLS semifinals lead the way!

The ten most important matches to follow, fur us – the newish American fans of the global game. Hopefully with just enough kick from coverage of leagues occasionally far and wide to provide a little something for our more seasoned fan-friends as well.

Note: No Isle of Sodor Premier League this week. With the season there set to be a few matches shorter than most European domestic leagues, they’ve scheduled a break every few weeks. Sodor’s a laid back place, if you’ve never been.

1. Atlanta United vs. New York Red Bulls – Major League Soccer

The Semifinals! Like the quarters, these will be decided with two-legged ties (home-and-away series). And it’s between the Eastern Conference’s two top finishers. Dreamy.

Red Bulls are your Supporters Shield winners, meaning they had the best record in the regular season for the entire league. They’ve won six of seven matches, the only loss being last round to Columbus Crew. They trailed Atlanta in the Eastern Division all season, catching them just at the end. Names to know are: Tyler Adams, young, talented US Men’s National Team midfielder; Brandon Wright-Phillips, star striker; and most of all, Luis Robles. This is the best defensive team in the league and he’s the goalie.

Atlanta blew the Shield on the last day of the regular season, getting routed by non-playoff Toronto 4-1. But it’s not like they entered on a losing streak or anything, have been as hot as NYRB. They’re the scoring juggernaut of the league. Josef Martinez is their record-setting scorer, Miguel Almiron the name to know in their midfield, and USMNT veteran Brad Guzan is the netminder.

There – enough to get you through water-cooler chat, watch the game and have some info to go on. Now go, be free! If you are desirous of more in-depth preview info, it’s out there. I’m going to! But this is Noob and this level of preview is our niche. (5:00 PM Eastern, ESPN)

RESULT: Atlanta 3-0 Franco Escobar with a goal and an assist

B. Portland Timbers vs. Sporting Kansas City – Major League Soccer

Don’t like to usually over multiple matches from any league on a given day, even MLS. Noob’s job is to filter. But it’s the Semis! An

Portland entered the Western Conference side of the playoffs as the #5 seed. They’ve been up and down since late spring, but never dropped out of the postseason mix thanks to an early, bigtime non-losing streak. But they won the Battle of Cascadia against runners-up Seattle last round. Can’t discount them.

One wonders when Kansas City might just drop from exhaustion. They were in a dogfight for the #1 seed all season long with FC Dallas. They won the U.S. Open Cup that ran concurrently with the MLS season. Noob feels winded just thinking about it. But it helps that this is the most balanced team in the league – second-best on O and D both.

They haven’t lost since September, hottest team remaining, doing it in both high and low-scoring matches. Danny Salloi might star with a goal and assist. Or USMNT man Tim Melia might and last year’s Defensive POY Ike Opara might put on a shutout. (7:30 PM, FS1)

RESULT: 0-0

Image result for sleepy letter B

Very funny, Number B. *yawn* C’mon, knock it off.

3. Pumas UNAM vs. Santos – Liga MX

Match 17, the last for each in the Apertura (second half-season). Top eight teams make the Liguilla (postseason tournament). These two are tied for 3^rd on points in the table, Pumas leading by a point on tiebreaking goal differential. In other words, a draw would be enough for Pumas to get that #3 seed.

UNAM have just once since September, and that was to #1 Cruz Azul. Santos are on a similar streak, though theirs is peppered with a lot more draws. It’s their offense that’d faded a bit. (1:00 PM, Univision)

RESULT: 1-1 After this and all other results, there was a three-way tie in the table for 3rd. But these two stayed where they were in the pecking order after GD tiebreaker.

4. AFC Bournemouth vs. Arsenal – English Premier League

Huzzah, Noob’s favorite two teams from EPL! Always a Fighting Cherry first. Go, home team. But Arsenal, you have a piece of my heart as well, as rivals to the traitorously-named and always-reviled Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur.

5th-place Arsenal are on a 12 match non-losing streak. Two early losses in league and no marks against them since. Top four finishers will make the next Champions League. Arsenal haven’t shown they can quite defend or score like the very best, but they’re lurking.

Bournemouth are tied for 8^th, have a game in hand over the two teams that passed them yesterday. This is a small market team performing incredibly well. Sadly for Noob, talk is that their current manager Eddie Howe is likely to get hired away by a big, big club sooner rather than later for his tremendous performance there.

The magic may be fading just a little, though, as they’ve lost two in a row. Not that a couple of 2-1 losses are redefining their season or anything. They’re another notch down the scale from Arsenal on offensive prowess, but defend about as well. And they have a knack for come-from-behind wins the last couple seasons. Even if Arsenal score first, they won’t be able to just sit on the ball. (8:30 AM, NBCSN)

RESULT: 1-2 Arsenal AFCB did come back from down the first goal, but Arsenal is a bit better on the attacking end. Well-played match by both sides.

Image result for fighting cherries

Infighting Cherries…

5. Lazio vs. AC Milan – Italy Serie A

The top four in Italy also qualify for the next Champions league. These are two clubs very likely to be battling for that fourth and final spot in the table. Juventus is running away with the league already, and the next two have separated themselves from the rest of the pack.

Lazio are lacking a bit of the scoring punch they had last year as they battled for the season title. Milan are more balanced, will give their hosts all they can handle and more. Before a loss to Juve last time out, they hadn’t lost in four matches. (12:00 PM, ESPNEWS)

RESULT: 1-1

6. Beijing Gouan vs. Shandong Luneng – China FA Cup

The Final! Unlike most or all European Cup tournaments, as well as America’s, this is a two-legged, home-and-away tie. This is the first match.

China’s Super League season just ended, and these two finished in 4^th and 3^rd place. Those spots are good for AFC Champions League berths.

What’s strange-seeming to Noob is that the winner of these Finals will qualify for straight through to the Group Stage of CL, with the loser having to first play in qualifying round before that stage. Would these have been the stakes were these Finals being contested between clubs in other parts of the Superleague standings?

In any case, this should be a very evenly-matched Finals. Beijing are the more defensively-focused side, so look for today’s match to be lower-scoring at their place.

RESULT: 1-1

Image result for confused by CHinese

If Jackie can’t figure it all out, what hope does a Noob have?

7. La Guaira vs. Lara – Venezuela Premier

Mas Finals? You betcha. This is the Clausura (second half-season) tournament. Unlike some leagues, the Apertura and Clausura champions will not meet to play for an overall title for the year.

Last week, defensive whizzes Lara did their thing, holding La Guaira scoreless. But Lara didn’t score, either. Now the #4 seed has to travel to #B and outscore them in the second leg.

RESULT: Lara 0-1 Hail to the victors! Lara got the only goal of the two-legged tie at 90′ mark.

8. FC Olexandria vs. Dynamo Kiev – Ukraine Premier

#3 hosts #B in Europe’s 9^th ranked league. That’s high enough that they qualify two teams into the next Champions League. Good thing for these two, too, as Shakhtar Donestk is way up on the field.

D.K. Only lead upstart Olexandria by two points in the table. Dynamo are a perennial power, but FCO didn’t even make the top half of last year’s standings. Dynamo also only give up a goal a little less often than once every other match. Noob’s doubtful FCO can pressure their guests enough to get a win today.

RESULT: Olexandria 3-2 So much for no pressure!

FC Olexandria, getting our Cyrillic on.

9. Copenhagen vs. Midtjylland – Denmark Superliga

UEFA’s #13 league gives us a shiny #B-#1 matchup.

They’re actually tied on points in the table, with the guests today leading on GD. They’ll both easily qualify for Champions League, having separated themselves by quite a bit halfway through the season.

Midtjylland are the defending champions and current scoring leaders, the only Danish team to be clipping along at more than 2.5 goals per match.

RESULT: Copenhagen 2-1 Jan Gregus gave up an own-goal that tied that game before scoring the winner for the league’s new #1.

10. Lechia Gdansk vs. Jagiellonia Bialystok – Poland Ekstraklasa

We finish our weekend Tracking in the #25 league in Europe. That’s only good for one Champions League berth. They’ve got one whale of a race shaping up for it.

Gdansk are the current leaders, but J.B. and one other team trail by just three points in the table. A total of six teams are within single-digit points of the lead. Still, these two are statistically the best, if not by leaps and bounds. Particularly for Gdansk and the margin they’d get, a win today could be season-defining.

RESULT: Gdansk 3-2 Noob’s pick of Wisla Krakow to win the league is looking seriously in jeopardy 🙂

Image result for Gdansk funny

So long from Gdnask, Poland!

Come for the footyball, stay for the time of your life. Apparently.

’10 to Track’ Saturday (11/10) soccer matches – Champions Leagues, give us more!

The ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.

Quirkly little slogan for the Track, the backbone feature of this project. What does it mean, what is Noob?

The goal is to give starter-level preview several times a week on the most important matches for newer fans to follow. Nothing taxing, yet informative on what’s going on in America, North America, England and beyond. Local first, never local only.

And it’s all done with hopefully enough weirdness to bring something to even more seasoned fans. The Quest for Number B. Sandwich Reviewoobs. Scorning “real” named teams that aren’t deserving. Isle of Sodor Premier League coverage. Hopefully soon a Stolen Mailbag feature soon.

Saturdays are a little less weirdness, a little more footyball. Dig in!

Boca Juniors vs. River Plate – Copa Libertadores

South America’s Champions League has reached its Final! This is the first match of the two-legged, home and away tie. Not that either will be travelling far. Both are based in Buenos Aires.

This is one of the fiercest rivalries in sports anywhere in the world. The fact that the teams are only in 8^th and 10^th, respectively, in the Argentine Premier so far means nothing here and now. These are two historical powers in the country and on the continent.

They’re only about ten matches into the league season. River Plate will climb. The offense might not be quite everything it could be, but the defense is #1 in the league. Juniors have gone the other way so far – top four-offense, struggling on D.

Two quick Fun Facts about this matchup. A year ago, it couldn’t have even happened as a Final. Previously, if two teams from the same country reached the Semis, they had to face one another. The goal was to try and ensure the Finals were a multi-nation affair, help the ratings. That rule was just removed.

Also, both teams were formed in Boca, the same barrio of Buenos Aires. River Plate are now based in Belgrano, a northern barrio. (3:00 PM EST, Fox Deportes)

RESULT: suspended due to rain; now slated for 2:00 PM EST tomorrow on Deportes

B. Persepolis vs. Kashima Antlers – AFC Champions League Final

Another Final! And this time, the trophy’s being handed out. Japan’s 2016-17 J1 League runners-up Kashima won the first leg 0-2.

Today, they try and finish things off against the defending Iranian domestic league champions. By Elo rating, Kashima is the better team. But the difference is small enough that Persepolis should be considered the favorite at home. But by two goals? Not likely.

RESULT: 0-0 Kudos to the champs! Kashima takes the title

Crystal Palace vs. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur – English Premier League

Three clubs remain undefeated in England. Hotspur is not one of them, but rather right behind them in 4^th. If they can maintain a position at least that high in the table, they’ll qualify for next year’s Champions League. Palace are down in 14^th.

They’re on a three-match win streak across all competitions, but haven’t kept a clean sheet in five. That’s rather the opposite of their league season to date. The defense has been quite solid, but the offense isn’t what the truer title contenders have shown.

Tenured Noobites know how Noob feels about Hotspur. The club is named for historical multi-king traitor Harry Percy. Rather than spew my usual bile and vitriol over this fact, I’ll use this as an opportunity to preview a hopefully-upcoming feature. Noob is working on an interview with Will Rivard, creator of website Tottenham Hotspur World (Twitter: @WorldHotspur).

I hope it will be a chance at a slightly deeper dive than Noob gives for individual clubs, the sort of site to which newer fans graduate from Noob. Perhaps a little club history, news on the current state of the team and where it’s headed, maybe even an explanation on why it’s named for such a cretinous yahoo as Harry “Hotspur” Percy.

Whoops. I said no bile and vitriol. Just look for it soon, Noobites. It should be a treat.

RESULT: Hotspur 1-0

Wow, Sir Topham Hatt looks something other than cross for once!

Tigres UANL vs. Puebla – Liga MX

Two matches left for these two in the Apertura (first half-season). The top half of the league (eight clubs) will qualify for the Liguilla (postseason tournament).

Puebla are in 11^th place. They’re just three points behind 8^th-place Pachuca. Still, they likely need to win both they’re remaining matches to leapfrog the necessary clubs and climb three steps in the table. Trouble is, they’ve allowed 2+ goals in seven consecutive matches. They’ve been bottom-four defensively to date.

Tigres are in 7^th. They just broke a three-match non-winning streak with a road W over midtable Morelia. Before that clean sheet, they’d allowed 11 goals over their last four matches. (8:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT: Tigres 6-1

Metropolitan Police vs. Newport County – England FA Cup

Yesterday, Noob featured a Minnow Watch and here we get another! This is the first round of the “Competition Proper”, where teams as high as the third-tier of English football enter the tournament. Previously, teams from the lower divisions have been battling to get to this point.

Metropolitan Police are one of three seventh-tier teams to have survived those qualifying rounds. They are out of the Southern League Premier Division South, based in Surrey. They’re just midtable there, and playing dreadful defense.

Newport Town come calling today, from level four of the English football pyramid. They’re tied for 5^th in League Two, though it’s hard to see how. They make their host’s defense look divine.

Too just look at stats in their respective leagues, this could be a shootout. Or given the gap in pyramid level, Newport may just come in and crush them.

RESULT: Newport 0-2

Higher-league teams could take a lesson from the fine crest-work.

FC Porto vs. Braga – Portugual Primeira Liga

Braga are the lone undefeated team remaining here in UEFA’s #7-ranked league. Tied with them – FC Porto. Both lead the rest of the league on both offense and defense. Top two finishers make the Champions League next year.

A draw would leave both vulnerable to fellow powerhouse Sporting CP just behind. A win for either gives them a real leg up in the title race, even here early in the season.

RESULT: Porto 1-0

Connah’s Quay vs. Barry Town – Welsh Premier

The Welsh top flite may be one of Europe’s weakest, but Noob’s always down for more tied-for-1^st place action!

Connah’s Quay is no surprise. They finished 3^rd last year, about as low as Noob’s seen in my brief time closely following the footsball.

Barry Town? Yeah, they were in 7^th last year. They’ve won seven of eight matches running, though every win but one by a single goal. Soccer may not be a high-scoring affair typically, but that’s unusual even in this sport. They’re not strong enough up front to keep this up all season long, will drop to midtable.

RESULT: 2-2

Audax Italiano vs. Palestino – Copa Chile

What an odd Final. With a Copa Libertadores berth going to the FA Cup winner, one would think the best teams would be getting here. Audax and Palestino are well down the Premier League table in Chile, 11^th and 13^th, respectively.

Heck, Palestino is only two spots clear of the Relegation Zone! Noob wonders if a team has ever qualified for the CL and been Demoted in the same season.

This is the first leg of the two-legged, home and away Final. Between the higher table position and actually having a positive goal differential, Noob supposed Audax has to be the favorite.

RESULT: Palestino 0-1

Mediterranean Chickpea Chili

C’mon, that’s odd chili.

*sigh* Who’s running images here with Dan the Intern-o Inferno gone?

Zrinjski Mostar vs. FK Sarajevo – Bosnia and Herzegovina Premier

We return to Europe for a #B-#1 matchup. The league is only ranked #40 (of 55) by UEFA, yet that only rachets up the drama. Only one club can earn a Champions League invite.

Sarajevo made a late push to finish even 3^rd last season. Now, they lead the pack by five points. They’ve averaged over two goals per match, which is astounding. More so, because they’re among the league leaders at goal-stopping, too.

This isn’t must-win for Mostar, as the season is only halfway done. Yet falling behind by eight points should they take the L at home today would have them in a bad way. They’re the #B offense in the league, but by a lot. It will be curious to see if they try pushing the pace at home, or take some of the air out of the ball. Noob thinks if they make the game wide-open, they’re going to go down.

RESULT: 2-2

Newcastle Jets vs. Sydney FC – Australia A-League

We finish the Saturday track down under in a top-ten Asian League. Yes, Noob knows they’re their own continent. They left the OFC for the AFC some years ago.

The season is so young Down under that we’re better served looking at last year’s table. it was a weird one. Sydney FC blew everyone out. Even so, Newcastle had no close competition for runners-up position.

Three matches in this year, Sydney have yet to lose. Newcastle sits in dead last. They’ve only scored twice. Maybe they should try wresting Usain Bolt away from Central Coast Mariners since he hasn’t yet completed a contract with them. (Yes, that Usain Bolt. He’s been training with CCM for a while now.)

RESULT: 1-1 Jets’ Nicholas Cowburn equalizes at 87′

So long from Newcastle!

Home of Electrofringe, part of the annual This Is Not Art festival.

experimental electronic and technologically-based art

’10 to Track’ Saturday (11/3) soccer matches – USL playoffs, Liga MX, Premier League lead the way

Noob endeavors to both help us learn about American soccer and the sport from points around the globe, but also to make it weirdly funny throughout.

Saturdays are hardly devoid my inanity, but MAN are the matches but good. USL playoffs, Liga MX, Premier League, and a bevy of #1-#B matches.

And resident prognosticator Noobstradamus pops in to share what he knows today!

Orange County vs. Phoenix Rising – United Soccer League playoffs

It’s the Western Conference Final in America’s second division playoffs!

These were the West’s top two scoring clubs during the regular season, and they’ve scored a dozen goals between them in four postseason matches. Look for a shootout, look for it on ESPN+ (10:00 PM EST).

Winners gets defending champs Louisville FC in the Final Noob thinks the team with the better seed will host. O.C. are #1, Phoenix #3. LFC were #B in the East.

RESULT: Phoenix 1-2

B. Arsenal vs. Liverpool – English Premier League

Liverpool is one of the three remaining undefeated teams in the league. Last year’s star Mo Salah isn’t scoring at nearly the record-breaking clip he did last year, and the goals aren’t being replace elsewhere.

This might be a game where they can break out, though. Arsenal are in 4^th, yet play shite for defense. That may be hyperbolic. But not by lots.

On a Noob note: Tenured Noobites know the scorn I have for Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur. Named for a two-time historical traitor. And they name a club after him. Heathens.

Arsenal is their primary rival. Yet Noob doesn’t hold them in much higher esteem than any club Hotspur is playing on a given day. Is Noob doing the soccer wrong? You can comment on this Post or hit me up on Twitter – @SoccerNoobUSA. (1:30 PM, NBC)

Interact with the Noob, or face the crossness

Kashima Antlers vs. Persepolis – AFC Champions League

Time for another final! This is the first match of a home and away two-legged tie.

Their domestic leagues are ranked closely together. Japan’s J1 league is deeper than the Persian Gulf Pro League. Noob would’ve guessed this meant the Iranians were to be favored. But Noob’s fave site for Elo ratings (footballdatabase.com) is back up after a few scary days down. It indicates these two are about perfectly equal.

Kashima play more quality competition. But Persepolis plays fabulous defense. Noob cannot handicap such an even-looking match!

It’s time to call on the prognostication powers of Ancient and All-Soccer Seeing Noobstradamus.

It’s strange when a vision takes hold, what seems clear and what is mist. Even without the hanging scrolls dedicated to Takemikazuchi, I would know this for Kashima Shinto Shrine.

Kunii Zen’ya I were sparring in classic Kashima Shinryu fashion. Our swords were appropriately thick bamboo, with large hilts. The spiraling nature of the discipline’s movements had us starting and finishing in identical positions. It was a dance, even as we strove to strike one another.

Motion and Stillness. Origination and Manifestation. We danced the beginnings of the Universe through the FiveFold laws. Offense and Defense. Emptiness and Reality. Each pairing always as One, just as our whirring swords seems to be One as well. Yin and Yang as One. More clacking bamboo.

I let my concentration slip when one of the many birds on the torii we practiced under moved. CLACK. Kunii Zen’ya had perfect control of his weapon, specifically chose to strike a whip-fast blow to my sword-arm. A lesson.

I bent down to retrieve my own dropped sword when a scroll wafted down in front of me. The bird had knocked it loose from its hanging, the distraction.

The Shinto teachers say birds are messengers of the gods. The Scroll read, “Kashima 3, Persepolis 1.”

So shall it be, Noobites. Unless it’s not. That’s happened once or twice before. Don’t bet the farm. But that’s a true Vision. Yeah.

RESULT: Kashima 2-0 Well, got the winner and margin right, anyway.

4. CF America vs. Toluca – Liga MX

CF America are finally on top of the Mexican top flite table. Noob says “finally” because e they’ve only lost two matches, yet have been merely lurking just outside that position all Apertura (first half-season) long. They’re tied with Santos on points, but ahead on tiebreaking goal differential.

Toluca are in 5^th. They were undefeated in September and looking like they could contend for the title until they dropped a 2-0 match to putrid Atlas to end the month. They’re going to make the Liguilla (postseason, top eight-finish) just about no matter what happens these last three matches. They’re base stats are nearly as good as CFA’s.

Perhaps Noob’s not allowing that Toluca simply fell asleep for what they thought would be a cakewalk with Atlas. But with the half-seasons only being 17 matches each, I’d think teams would be on top of their s**t at all times. (9:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT: 1-1

Celtic vs. Hearts – Scottish Premiership

This isn’t one of Europe’s very strongest leagues, but they’re cracking the UEFA top 20 right now! Also making this match intriguing is who’s #1 in the league right now.

In Noob’s admittedly brief time (a year and change doing this site), this league has always been about Celtic and Rangers. And it may return to that again soon. But for now, I’m enjoying seeing some new blood atop the table. Thank you, Hearts.

Celtic are #B and will remain so no matter who this match turns out. Both teams are well-balanced, but Celtic really are a shade better on both ends of the field. At home, they should prevail, pull within a point of the league leaders.

RESULLT: Celtic 5-0 Edsonne Edouard with a pair of scores

Genk vs. Club Brugge – Belgium First Division A

Brought to you by the Dept. of Redundancy Department, it’s First Division A-time!

Perhaps Noob should not mock so. It is the #8 league in UEFA, after all. And lookit! They brought is a shiny #1 versus #B matchup. I know just where to display these in my blog-home.

Brugge are your defending champions, but it’s Genk who are undefeated. Both score an absolute of crapton of goals, far more than any other clubs in this league. See if you can find yourself an internet stream for this one. And if their commentary available, let Noob know if the Belgians also enjoy non-standard measurements like “crapton”.

RESULT: 1-1

David Schwimmer has the right of it.

Shakhtar Donetsk vs. Dynamo Kyiv – Ukraine Premier

No new blood atop the table here In the #8 league in Europe. Yup! And for being so awesome, they get two slots in the next Champions League. Unless FC Olexandria continue to surprise, these two will be the recipients of those CL invites.

Donetsk lead #B D.K. by five. Their 36 goals scored in just 13 matches is so outrageous Noob had to doublecheck. That’s twice as many as D.K.

Dynamo Kiev do sport the league’s top defense, but barely. Just above – you guessed it. Donetsk. But! The Dynamo have beaten Donetsk in all three of their last matches.

RESULT: Shakhtar 2-1 Come from behind win, with the winner being scored at 90′

Atromitos vs. PAOK – Superleague Greece

last season, Atromitos finished 4^th, just behind the historic “Big Three” in Greece. That triumvirate is rarely cracked. this season so far, They’re #B, and four points up on two of the giants. Today, they host the other titan, current #1 PAOK, in a battle of the last two undefeated clubs here.

This league will get two CL berths. Noob thinks the usual suspects are just to balanced to let an interloper like Atromitos stay there long. Perhaps they can earn a draw at home today, keep the dream alive for another week or more.

RESULT: 1-1

As always, the Vegas line on will their be rioting and police in gear to stop it is OFF.

Astana vs. Kairat Almaty – Kazakhstan Premier

Our last leg here in Europe takes us down the table to a very average league, but one that is on the rise (#28).

This isn’t a terribly meaningful match, but the siren song of #1 vs. #B is too much for Noob. The season is already almost done here. Astana has wrapped up the title and K.A. are cemented at #B. This is the way of things, at the very least of late, in Kazakhstan football.

RESULT: Astana 3-2

Guangzhou Evergrande vs. Shanghai SIPG – China Super League

We finish our Saturday Track with one more #1 versus #2. China’s league gets the maximum two slots in the next Champions League, and these two are all but mathematically locked in. And to no one’s surprise. Perennial powerhouses.

But Evergrande only lead SIPG by two in the table, so the title is very much up for grabs! And SIPG have beaten their guests today in three straight. Neither team has lost since forever, except three weeks ago when SIPG beat G.E.

RESULT: SIPG 4-5 SIPG Are now your league #1. And did you know they have a player who simply goes by “Hulk”?

So long from Guangzhou!

The Chen Clan’s Ancestral Hall and folk art museum

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Sun. (10/7) – MLS playoff hunt, and an EPL doozy!

The ten most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game.

And today, introducing the efforts of a new staff member, sort of. 🙂

D.C. United vs. Chicago Fire – Major League Soccer

Saturday, #6 Montreal clubbed Columbus. This leaves 7^th-place D.C. United five points in back of that last Eastern Conference playoff berth.

But as late as the season is getting, this is in no way a done deal. Montreal may have only two matches left now, but D.C. have five. And speaking of five, that’s how many in a row DCU haven’t lost. Chicago are down in 10^th. They haven’t won on the road since June.

But the Fire pulled a home upset last match out against the West’s #3, LAFC. If they want to make it two surprises in a row, Serbian international Nemanja Nikolic needs to follow up on his super September. He’s their scoring leader. The star last in the last win was American Djordje Mihailovic. (1:00 PM EST, ESPN)

RESULT: D.C. 2-1 Wayne Rooney strikes again. And then again.

In Amuricuh, Nemanja, we keep the pants on to play the footyball.

B. Liverpool vs. Manchester City – English Premier League

6-1-0. The last two undefeated clubs in England face off. Raspberry scones for everyone! It’s a watch party.

Defending champs Man City have to be licking their chops though. Undefeated in the league Liverpool may be, but they’re just 0-1-2 across all competitions in their last three. The offense has stagnated badly.

Man City have one four in a row. They’re scoring like the pitch is a pinball machine. That said, they haven’t faced a difficult league team mid-August. (11:30 AM, NBCSN)

RESULT: 0-0

Image result for eating letter B

SoccerNoob’s six year-old daughter — PersonNoob! –thinks this bee is licking it’s chops and about to eat Number B.

Toluca vs. Pachuca – Liga MX

Top eight will make the Liguilla (postseason). Toluca are tied for 5^th, while Pachuca lead a four-way tie for that eight-spot.

Toluca should be in better shape, but they just handed Atlas their first win of the season. When each half-season tournament is just 17 matches long, can’t give up “easy” points.

Pachuca do look like the best of their clump of four, but Noob thinks their margin for error is extremely thin. I don’t expect them to climb any higher than 8^th. Tigres lead them by three for 7^th, are better on both sides of the ball. (1:00 PM, Univision)

RESULT: Toluca 2-1

Panama vs. U.S.A. – CONCACAF Women’s Championship / World Cup qualification

Earlier this week, the American women pummeled Mexico 6-0 to open the Group Stage. Noob’s primary source site still doesn’t list that match on the correct date. But mea culpa. No excuses, only reasons. Part of my learning journey is where to get the raw info.

So! The top two from each Group of four will advance to Knockout Stage, where three of the teams will earn their World Cup berth. The Americans are the #1-ranked team in the world and will advance easily.

Panama is ranked just #66. They did pull a minor upset in their opening match of this stage, taking down Trinidad and Tobago. But the US are a whole different deal, even without being the hosts (the match will be in Cary, NC). Noob favors them by 9.5 goals. (5:00 PM, FS1)

RESULT: U.S.A. 0-5 Wow, they held up better than Mexico

For your mid-Track listening pleasure – Panama! But covered by Foo Fighters, so as not to be entirely cliche. (FFW to 0:40 if you like)

Mexico vs. Trinidad and Tobago – CONCACAF Women’s Championship / World Cup qualification

So if either of these teams loses the nightcap in Cary, that’s about all for them. A draw would give both a little hope, presuming Panama doesn’t pull off an all-timer miracle in the above match. They are ranked #24 and #52.

Given the lack of parity in the women’s game, that should mean Mexico is a two-goal fave. (7:30 PM, FS2)

Paris Saint-Germain vs. Lyon – Ligue 1

No one has beaten or earned a draw against PSG.

Lyon are in 5^th. Noob thinks they’re at least the third-best team in the league, but it’s hard to see them proving that today. Both teams allow just under a goal per match, so defense hypothetically gives the visitors a shot. The problem? PSG average’s 3.5 per of their own.

RESULT: PSG 5-0 Mbappe with four goals

Image result for that's too many gif

Sorry, Edward Norton. The number is what it is.

Zenit St. Petersburg vs. Krasnodar – Russia Premier

Noob was surprised to see Krasnodar helping headline a #1-#B match. But upon further review, I see they’ve finished 4^th in the league three straight years. That doesn’t put them in the league leader’s class, but not far out! The #6-ranked league in Europe deserves and will keep getting more of our attention.

Could it be Krasnodar’s time? They’ve won seven straight over all competitions. Meanwhile, Zenit just lost to bottom-feeder Makhachkala before sneaking out a home win over a Czech team in the Europa League.

Benfica vs. Porto – Portugal Primeira Liga

Portugal’s top domestic league is just a notch behind Russia’s, but it means they only get two into the CL. These two perennial powerhouses are #B and tied for #3.

Despite being behind two teams, Benfica are undefeated. #1 Braga and their guests today have each been just a touch better on offense to date. But – stunningly to Noob – Porto haven’t lost to Benfica in seven consecutive matches. (12:30 PM, GOL TV)

RESULT: Benfica 1-0 the streak is ended!

Image result for FC porto funny

Noob does speak Portguese.

But I’m pretty sure “inscrever” is a foul, foul verb…

Noob? That means “register”.

Fine, The Management. Spoil all my fun.

Kashima Antlers vs. Kawasaki Frontale – Japan J1 League

The Management puts in long hours keeping Noob’s inanity in check. Solid job today. Bet ya’ sweated off five pounds. Our Japanophile’s reward? J1 match stays just above the honorable mention-line.

And this is an important match. With just a half dozen matches to go, Kawasaki have pulled into a tie with suddenly-spiraling Hiroshima. They’ve not lost in four straight matches. But the two matches before that? 0-1-1 in the League Cup, with both matches against Kashima.

The Antlers just won the first leg of their AFC Champions League semifinal tie. But even winning that whole shebang doesn’t get them entry into next year’s. They’re #3 in the league and need to finish at least that high to get in. They’ve won five consecutive domestic matches, peaking at exactly the right time. They haven’t even allowed a league-goal in two weeks.

RESULT: 0-0

Honorable Mention: Canadiaian Soccer League (non-FIFA, Ontario-nased)- two playoff Semifinals; #2 Vega Real vs. #3 Atletico de SF – Dominican Republic Liga Mayor ligulla; #1 Racing Club vs. #6 Boca Juniors – Argentina Primera;

#3 Stumbras Kaunas vs. #1 Suduva – Lithuania A Lyga; #4 Muang Thong United vs. #2 Bangkok United – Thai League 1; #3 Ulsan Hyundai vs. #1 Jeonbuk – South Korea K-League 1; #1 Al-Sadd vs. #3 Al-Sailiya – Qatar Stars League

Verdes vs. Bandits – Belize Premier

No mere honorable mention for Belize – we finish the track with more CONCACAF-feination!

Even just eight games in, these two are about finished with the rest of the league. It’s #1 versus #B and the rest of the back is eight points back of the latter. Bandits haven’t lost, but two draws have them a point behind the pacesetters.

Both score three times a game on average and give up about jack squat. Hard to think there will be an internet streaming of this match, but let’s all try to find one. Pirate it if you must! Yaaaargh.

RESULT: Bandits 0-1 And we have a new #1! (Oh, and for the record, this match may well have been played Saturday it turns out.)

Image result for benque viejo del carmen funny

So long from Benque Viejo, home of Verdes!

Our Lady of Mt. Carmel church.

’10 to Track’ Relegation Monday matches – feel the suckitude

On Monday’s, what with world soccer scheds being lighter, Noob introduces you to teams about to be Relegated.

Feel their pain. Mondays are for pain.

Queretaro vs. Tigres UANL – Liga MX Femenil

Noob’s beginning to think Queretaro only gets to play teams at the top of the table. we see them so much. They’re 5^th in Group 2 (of 2), taking on the #1 side today. Neither side plays a ton of D.

Difference is, Tigres score like no one else. Queretaro score…well, some. Not enough. They’ll get embarrassed by three today.

RESULT: Tigres 1-2

B. Southampton vs. Brighton & Hove Albion – English Premier League

The lone EPL match today features two sides that aren’t quite in Relegation position, but they aren’t far above it, and they were even closer to danger last year.

No matter how hard they pack it in on defense all season, neither will score enough to make midtable. (3:00 PM EST, NBCSN)

RESULT: 2-2 B&HA with comes back from 0-2, getting equalizer at 90’+1

Image result for b is for bad

Number B refuses to be merely “bad”.

Persepolis vs. Al-Duhail – AFC Champions League

Match two of this Semifinal! This is a really even matchup for the Iranians. Unfortunately, they trail 0-1 after the first match in Qatar.

RESULT: Persepolis 3-1 On to the Final!

RoPS vs. KuPS – Finland Veikkausliga

There may be just enough season left for #B RoPS to think they can still make a run at the title. They’re down seven points to HJK, the class of the league. KuPS are tied for 3^rd, part of a tight pack of teams that score a ton, but give up toooooo many goals to be a threat to the top.

RESULT: 1-1

Image result for aurora borealis finland lapland

Laplandic Finland (where RoPS are) gets about 10x as many Northern Lights sightings as down south.

And now – the Matches of Suckitude!

Honka vs. PS Kemi – Finland Veikkausliga

More Finnish footyball? You’ve got it, Noobites! To the other end of the table we go.

Well, to see PS Kemi, anyway. Honka the ones tied for 3^rd with KuPS. PS Kemi are in last place. The bottom two will get Relegated. They’re four points from daylight, so not without hope hypotherically.

Realistically? They’re going to get doubled up on today. Honka are that much better on both sides of the ball.

Fun Fact: Each year, Kemi is once again home to the world’s largest snow castle.

RESULT: Honka 2-1 Spanish international Borja Martin with both his team’s goals

Hacken vs. Trellesborg – Sweden Allsvenskanliga

Hacken are a real mystery to Noob. They have a great goal differential on the season, yet sit midtable. Perhaps that means if last place Trellesborg can keep things close, a Monday Miracle is possible!

Naaaaaah. They stink to high heaven.

RESULT: Hacken 2-1

Image result for smelly swede

No.

Chapocoense vs. Internacional – Brazil Serie A

Four of the 20 clubs in this league will get The Boot at season’s end. Chapo are tied for 17^th. They’re just two points from getting out of danger, but time is running out. And league #B Internacional won’t be caught napping today, or any day. They’re just a point out of 1^st.

Fun Fact: One of their nicknames is “The Chape Terror”. Hmm. Maybe they could terrorize second division next season.

RESULT: Chape 2-1 We had to wait until the last Match of Suckitude of the day, but we got our Relegation Monday miracle!

Misr El-Maqasa vs. El Hodood – Egypt Premier

El Hodood are very bad. Noob find their name funny. Largely because I’m so damn overmedicated for my neck and lower back both being waaaay out of alignment.

RESULT: MEM 3-1

Image result for overmedicated funny

That image sure is. Thanks for the nightmare-fodder. Damn.

Ural vs. Rostov – Russia Premier

How overmedicated? Well, I was awoken yesterday by a coworker’s phone call. I was so out of it, the dream I was having seemed more real for quite some time afterwards than the short conversation we’d had.

I’d been dreaming about opening a cheese sandwich shop in a mall in Des Moines, Iowa. I was working out the particulars of whether or not to carry fresh mayonnaise to spread on the bread or go with prepackaged packets.

I wish I was making that up. Nope.

Oh yes, Ural are ghastly and will lose by at least two.

Fun Fact: Ural are the Bumblebees. No punchline here, just the first club Noob’s found with that nickname.

RESULT: 1-1

ES Setif vs. DRB Tadjenanet – Algeria Ligue 1

This league is just a few matches in, but that doesn’t stop Noob from sniffing out crappy soccer, oh no. Today’s visitors are tied with a couple other clubs for third-to-last, a Relegation slot. MC Oran will climb away from the awfulness soon enough, so DRBT might be on our craptastic-radar for a while. They’re especially lazy on defense.

Since #3 ES Setif are also competing in the late stages of the CAF Champions League, perhaps they will not be prepared today, but that’s likely the only chance their guests today will have.

RESULT: 1-1

Image result for tadjenanet

So long from Tadjenanet!

Yikes! If this is their athletics scene, how crazy-violent are their football supporters?

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Saturday (9/15) – the most footyball ever covered on Noob

“The ten most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game”. Oh ho, Noob’s cheating today.

The list of the previews-proper are still ten But we’re directly acknowledging three times as many Track-worthy matches today!

Gorge, Noobites. Feeeast!!

Portland Thorns vs. Seattle Reign – National Women’s Soccer League Playoffs

At last, the postseason! These are the #B and #3 seeds of the four teams participating.

In their last match of the regular season, Portland beat Seattle to secure their runner-up status. Their reward is getting to host today’s one-off. There will be no return trip to Seattle. The other two times they met in 2018, the matches were in Seattle, which won them both.

Portland is the more offensively-minded group by far, will look to push the pace hard. The most likely names to see pairing up for scores are Lindsey Horan and Tobin Heath, second and first in league goals and assists, respectively.

For Seattle, their defensive player of the year Rebekah Scott will have her hands full. She plays outside back, a position from which she can often feed their offensive threat, Megan Rapinoe. Noob’s not sure she’ll be anything but pinned back on defense today though. (3:00 PM EST, Lifetime)

RESULT: Portland 2-1 Horan and Heath each scored.

B. FC Dallas vs. Columbus Crew – Major League Soccer

This is just one of three Track-worthy MLS matches on the day. Noob’s highlighting this one for a couple reasons.

First – Dallas are still #1 in the Western Conference, having wrested the spot away from Kansas City midseason. Surprising – their play has been incredibly spotty. They just had a nice home win over rivals Houston last match, yet have lost twice to San Jose since August. (The ‘Quakes can’t beat almost anyone else. Ever.) The offense and defense both come and go.

Second – how much longer will Noob get to type “Columbus Crew” without it being an historical reference? Their ownership moving them to Austin is hardly a done deal, but it remains a likelihood.

As for their current season, they’re #4 in the East with plenty of table-space above and below. They just got a big confidence boost taking down #3 NYCFC. Noob wonders if they might night find today’s a trap game of sorts. (8:00 PM, ESPN+)

Other MLS matches: *Philadelphia Union vs. Montreal Impact – The East’s #5 and #6 fight to stay there, the conference’s final playoff spots; *Vancouver Whitecaps vs. Seattle Sounders – the West’s #6 and #7, separated by one little point in the table. Seattle have won eight straight.

Image result for bbb

Yes, Number B. You got to feature three matches.

And so three of you. Well-done.

CF America vs. Monarcas Morelia – Liga MX

It warms the cockles of a Noob-heart to see Morelia struggling. While I feel far more strongly anti-royalty with American-named clubs than Mexico, there’s still no kings and queens in N.A. Foolishness! Go, CFA!

Club America are in a four-way tie for 3^rd place at nearly the halfway point here in the Apertura (first half-season). They’re the strongest of them, too, in goal differential and INHO. They’d been struggling a touch, but a trip to lowly Lobos BUAP was just what was needed last match (0-2 win).

Morelia hasn’t won in a month. Their defense makes the sad. (8:00 PM, Univision)

Other Mexican matches of note: *Pumas UNAM vs. Tijuana — in Liga MX Femenil, Pumas are #4 in their Group. Top two from each will make the playoffs. They’re in the mix, but the least of the best there. Tijuana are in 6^th; Zacatecas vs. Atlante – second-division Ascenso MX #1 and #3.

RESULT: CF America 2-1

Image result for soccernoob buap

Credit to Dan – the former Intern-o Inferno – for showing us just how lowly BUAP truly is.

Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur vs. Liverpool – English Premier League

Last year’s #3 and #4 face off.

Liverpool have won all four of their early matches this season, though the toughest team they’ve faced is probably Leicester (meh). Hotspur thrashed Man Utd – on the road, no less – then turned right around and threw it away with a loss to Watford. They’re both likely to be in the title chase for a while, contend for top-four finishes, Champions League berths.

Since it’s a new season, allow Noob to explain to less-tenured Noobites about the strikethrough. Tottenham Hotspur is named for Harry “Hotspur” Percy. He was an historic traitor, flipflopping multiple times with his loyalties. He was a scalawag and ne’er-do-well and Noob will carry no truck with such!

Good thing that didn’t get weird at the end… (7:30 AM, NBCSN)\

RESULT: Liverpool 1-2

Image result for harry hotspur percy traitor

Shewsbury – the site of Percy’s death by arrow – is hallowed ground

1 de Agosto vs. TP Mazembe – CAF Champions League

This is the first leg of a Quarterfinal tie.

Angola’s representative host first. Their domestic league is on the rise, looks to jump from 17^th to a top-10 spot in the African rankings next year. TP Mazembe plays out of DR Congo’s top league, #3-best in Africa. 1dG would be doing well to get a draw at home. To have a chance at advancing, they’ll have to.

Today’s other QF: Esperance vs. Etoile du Sahel – Tunisia’s two best clubs face off. They don’t keep them apart in the draws there I guess. They’re both a lot better than the two featured teams above.

RESULT: 0-0

FC Olexandria vs. Shakhtar Donetsk – Ukraine Premier

Ukraine’s top flight have climbed to #8 among domestic league in Europe. Noobites should know something about this bunch. We feature matches from their frequently.

And so, welcome to the Track, FCO! Almost 100% sure this is the first time they’ve been featured. They were mid-table all last season. Seven matches into 2018-19, they’re #B. But the current and historic #1 comes to town today to test their mettle. Shakhtar average 2.5 goals a match, roughly.

Other top #1-#B UEFA matchups: *Slovan Bratislava vs. Dunajska Streda — #1 hosts #B in what should be a shootout in Slovakia’s Super Liga; Ferencvaros vs. Budapest Honved — #1 hosts #B in the Hungarian NB 1. Honved will try and slow down the only team in the league averaging over two goals per match.

RESULT: Donetsk 0-2

Image result for fc olexandria

No, FC Olexandria – Noob applauds YOU for being Track-worthy

Stjarnan vs. Breioablik – Iceland FA Cup

Their league might not be even as highly-rated as the honorable mentions in Track match #6, but Noob’s always down for a Cup Final!

A question plaguing Noob is: how much do these clubs care about the FA Cup? It can be legitimately asked anywhere, at least by those of us who are truly noob. Nowhere have I heard or read thy’re considered anything but a moderate to distant second in importance to the league title.

It’s especially relevant here, as Iceland’s Urvalsdeild league gets only one Champions League invite and these two are #B and #3. Stjarnan, in fact, is just a point behind league-leaders Valur. Will they play all starters in pursuit of this trophy, or save energy for the home stretch of their league season?

Today’s championship match is at the National Stadium in Reykjavik. If they’re both playing full strength, Stjarnan have to be considered at last a 3:2 fave to win in regulation.

RESULT: Stjarnan 0-0 / 4-1 pens

Santa Gema vs. Independiente – Panama Football League

Noob’s been making a concerted effort here during the second year of this site to pay greater attention to all CONCACAF leagues. And #1-#B matches shine like the sun. This is one!

If the current pattern holds, this league is going to have one heckuva title race in 2018-19. They’re just a few matches in, but good golly these teams end their matches in lots of draws! Noob’s not sure if the league as a whole lacks offensive talent or if the general strategy employed there is defense. Either way, they don’t see a ton of goals.

Saint Gema are the only undefeated team remaining, but have won just four of seven. Independiente trail them by three points in the table.

RESULT: Independiente 0-2 And we have a new #1!

The other #1-#B CONCACAF matchup: *Fruta Conquerors vs. Guyana Defense Force – Guyana’s GFF Elite League – The Conquerors have an outrageous 48-5 GD. Still, halfway through the season, they lead GDF by just five in the table.

Image result for pay attention soccer funny

Noob just said CONCACAF leagues are getting more attention here.

Warning unwarranted.

Kawasaki Frontale vs. Consadole Sapporo – Japan J1 League

The defending champs from Kawasaki are #B now, 2/3 of the way through the 2018 season. Even so, they’re way off Hiroshima’s pace.

Sapporo were below mid-table last year, have improved mightily to be the current #4. Last season, that would’ve been good enough to get them into the AFC Champions League. Not this year. Just the top three now.

Noob’s uncertain if the AFC is distributing more bids to lower-ranked countries’ leagues now, or if J1 League lost a slot due to a drop in confederation ranking. Regardless, Sapporo need to play far better defense if they want to be in any postseason discussion.

RESULT: Kawasaki 7-0 not a typo

Before we hit #10, Noob’s including some Honorable Mention matches. Every one one of them involves two teams in the top quarter (or top three) of their leagues (at least as of five days ago), or there are specific playoff implications:

*USL – conference #2 Pittsburgh Riverhounds vs. #4 Louisville FC, plus #6 Swope Park Rangers vs. #9 Saint Louis FC; Poland Ekstraklasa — Wisla Krakow vs. Lechia Gdansik was a #1 vs. #B when scouted a few days ago, but two teams which have played an extra match leapfrogged W.K.; English Football Championship — #6 Bristol City and #3 Sheffield United would be in the second-divisions Promotion playoff tournament were the season over today.

Belgium First Division A — #B Genk vs. #3 Anderlecht; Norway Eliteserien – #B FK Haugesund vs. #3 Brann; Belarus Premier – #4 Shakhtyor Soligorsk vs. #3 Dinamo Minsk; Slovenia Prva Liga — #B Aluminij vs. #3 Gorica; Uruguay Primera – #B Nacional vs. #3 Montevideo Wanderers; two other Cup tournaments in early action include Portugal’s Taca de Liga and the Swiss FA Cup.

Maldives vs. India – SAFF Championship

The Final!

Asia’s continental football confederation also has several sub-associations. The South Asian Football Federation holds a Championship every other year. It’s a standalone event for the current seven member nations, meaning it has no effect on qualifying for any other tournaments.

These are national teams that just aren’t going to see much of any success in most any other field of play. Three of the seven are in the bottom ten in all Asia. Two are the very bottom. Our Finalists are the most-highly ranked in the world, just #150 and #96. India would be even better, but. You know. Cricket.

RESULT: Maldives 2-1 Upset city!

Image result for Dhaka weird They’ve been hosting this tournament Dhaka, Blangadesh.

Come back, Bear Grylls!

1. Atlas vs. CF America – Liga MX

B. Palestine vs. Australia – Asian Cup

3. Leeds vs. Derby County – EFL Championship

4. Lobi Stars vs. Mamelodi Sundowns – CAF Champions League

5. Mantab vs. Conaree – Saint Kitts and Nevis Premier

6. Somerset Trojans vs. Robin Hood – Bermuda Premier

7. Tefana vs. Central Sport – Tahiti Ligue 1

8. Al Hilal vs. Al Raed – Saudi Pro League

9. Police vs. AS Kigali – Rwanda Premier

10. Adama Kenema vs. Dire Dawa City – Ethiopia Premier

10. Rosario Central vs. Gimnasia LP – Copa Argentina

3. Monterrey vs. Cruz Azul – Liga MX

4. Manchester United vs. Arsenal – English Premier League

5. Atletico Junior vs. Atletico PR – Copa Sudamericana

6. Zamora vs. Deportivo Lara – Venezuela Premier

7. Ulsan Hyundai vs. Daegu FC – (South) Korean FA Cup

8. Northeast United vs. Bengaluru – India Super League

9. Turbine Potsdam vs. VfL Wolfsburg – Frauen-Bundesliga

1. UANL vs. Guadalajara – Liga MX Femenil

B. Montpelier vs. Lille – Ligue 2

1. Guiseley vs. Fleetwood Town – English FA Cup

B. APOEL Nicosia vs. Apollon Limassol – Cyprus First Division

3. Bhayangkara vs. PSM Makassar – Indonesia Liga 1

4. Levante vs. Athletic Club – La Liga

5. Nurnberg vs. Bayer Leverkusen – Bundesliga

6. Bubali vs. Estrella – Aruba Division di Honor

7. Tigre vs. Godoy Cruz – Argentina Premier

8. Yeni Malatyaspor vs. Akhisarspor – Turkey Super Lig

9. AGF Aarhus vs. Velje Boldklub – Denmark Superliga

10. Dibba Al-Fujairah vs. Al Ittihad Kalba – U.A.E. Pro-League

1. Santos vs. Monterrey – Liga MX

B. Manchester City vs. AFC Bournemouth – English Premier League

3. Lille vs. Lyon – Ligue 1

4. Flamengo vs. Atletico PR – Brazil Serie A

5. Nigeria vs. South Africa – Africa Women Cup of Nations

6. Olimpia vs. Real España – Honduras National League

7. San Pedro vs. Verdes – Belize Premier

8. Fiji vs. New Zealand – OFC Nations Cup

9. Consadole Sapporo vs. Sanfrecce Hiroshima – Japan J1 League

10. Ballymena United vs. Linfield – Northern Ireland Premier

1. Atlanta United vs. New York Red Bulls – Major League Soccer

B. Portland Timbers vs. Sporting Kansas City – Major League Soccer

3. Pumas UNAM vs. Santos – Liga MX

4. AFC Bournemouth vs. Arsenal – English Premier League

5. Lazio vs. AC Milan – Italy Serie A

6. Beijing Gouan vs. Shandong Luneng – China FA Cup

7. La Guaira vs. Lara – Venezuela Premier

8. FC Olexandria vs. Dynamo Kiev – Ukraine Premier

9. Copenhagen vs. Midtjylland – Denmark Superliga

10. Lechia Gdansk vs. Jagiellonia Bialystok – Poland Ekstraklasa

Boca Juniors vs. River Plate – Copa Libertadores

B. Persepolis vs. Kashima Antlers – AFC Champions League Final

Crystal Palace vs. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur – English Premier League

Tigres UANL vs. Puebla – Liga MX

Metropolitan Police vs. Newport County – England FA Cup

FC Porto vs. Braga – Portugual Primeira Liga

Connah’s Quay vs. Barry Town – Welsh Premier

Audax Italiano vs. Palestino – Copa Chile

Zrinjski Mostar vs. FK Sarajevo – Bosnia and Herzegovina Premier

Newcastle Jets vs. Sydney FC – Australia A-League

Orange County vs. Phoenix Rising – United Soccer League playoffs

B. Arsenal vs. Liverpool – English Premier League

Kashima Antlers vs. Persepolis – AFC Champions League

4. CF America vs. Toluca – Liga MX

Celtic vs. Hearts – Scottish Premiership

Genk vs. Club Brugge – Belgium First Division A

Shakhtar Donetsk vs. Dynamo Kyiv – Ukraine Premier

Atromitos vs. PAOK – Superleague Greece

Astana vs. Kairat Almaty – Kazakhstan Premier

Guangzhou Evergrande vs. Shanghai SIPG – China Super League

D.C. United vs. Chicago Fire – Major League Soccer

B. Liverpool vs. Manchester City – English Premier League

Toluca vs. Pachuca – Liga MX

Panama vs. U.S.A. – CONCACAF Women’s Championship / World Cup qualification

Mexico vs. Trinidad and Tobago – CONCACAF Women’s Championship / World Cup qualification

Paris Saint-Germain vs. Lyon – Ligue 1

Zenit St. Petersburg vs. Krasnodar – Russia Premier

Benfica vs. Porto – Portugal Primeira Liga

Kashima Antlers vs. Kawasaki Frontale – Japan J1 League

Verdes vs. Bandits – Belize Premier