Tag: Puebla

’10 to Track’ Saturday (11/10) soccer matches – Champions Leagues, give us more!

The ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.

Quirkly little slogan for the Track, the backbone feature of this project.  What does it mean, what is Noob?

The goal is to give starter-level preview several times a week on the most important matches for newer fans to follow.   Nothing taxing, yet informative on what’s going on in America, North America, England and beyond.  Local first, never local only.

And it’s all done with hopefully enough weirdness to bring something to even more seasoned fans.  The Quest for Number B.  Sandwich Reviewoobs.  Scorning “real” named teams that aren’t deserving.  Isle of Sodor Premier League coverage.  Hopefully soon a Stolen Mailbag feature soon.

Saturdays are a little less weirdness, a little more footyball.  Dig in!

  1. Boca Juniors vs. River Plate – Copa Libertadores

South America’s Champions League has reached its Final!   This is the first match of the two-legged, home and away tie.  Not that either will be travelling far.  Both are based in Buenos Aires.

This is one of the fiercest rivalries in sports anywhere in the world.  The fact that the teams are only in 8th and 10th, respectively, in the Argentine Premier so far means nothing here and now.  These are two historical powers in the country and on the continent.

They’re only about ten matches into the league season.  River Plate will climb.  The offense might not be quite everything it could be, but the defense is #1 in the league.  Juniors have gone the other way so far – top four-offense, struggling on D.

Two quick Fun Facts about this matchup.  A year ago, it couldn’t have even happened as a Final.  Previously, if two teams from the same country reached the Semis, they had to face one another.  The goal was to try and ensure the Finals were a multi-nation affair, help the ratings.  That rule was just removed.

Also, both teams were formed in Boca, the same barrio of Buenos Aires.  River Plate are now based in Belgrano, a northern barrio.   (3:00 PM EST, Fox Deportes)

RESULT:     suspended due to rain; now slated for 2:00 PM EST tomorrow on Deportes

B.  Persepolis vs. Kashima Antlers – AFC Champions League Final

Another Final!   And this time, the trophy’s being handed out.  Japan’s 2016-17 J1 League runners-up Kashima won the first leg 0-2.

Today, they try and finish things off against the defending Iranian domestic league champions.  By Elo rating, Kashima is the better team.  But the difference is small enough that Persepolis should be considered the favorite at home.   But by two goals?  Not likely.

RESULT:   0-0      Kudos to the champs!  Kashima takes the title

  1. Crystal Palace vs. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur – English Premier League

Three clubs remain undefeated in England.  Hotspur is not one of them, but rather right behind them in 4th.   If they can maintain a position at least that high in the table, they’ll qualify for next year’s Champions League.   Palace are down in 14th.

They’re on a three-match win streak across all competitions, but haven’t kept a clean sheet in five.  That’s rather the opposite of their league season to date.   The defense has been quite solid, but the offense isn’t what the truer title contenders have shown.

Tenured Noobites know how Noob feels about Hotspur.  The club is named for historical multi-king traitor Harry Percy.  Rather than spew my usual bile and vitriol over this fact, I’ll use this as an opportunity to preview a hopefully-upcoming feature.  Noob is working on an interview with Will Rivard, creator of website Tottenham Hotspur World (Twitter: @WorldHotspur).

I hope it will be a chance at a slightly deeper dive than Noob gives for individual clubs, the sort of site to which newer fans graduate from Noob.  Perhaps a little club history, news on the current state of the team and where it’s headed, maybe even an explanation on why it’s named for such a cretinous yahoo as Harry “Hotspur” Percy.

Whoops.  I said no bile and vitriol.  Just look for it soon, Noobites.   It should be a treat.

RESULT:   Hotspur   1-0

Image result for sir topham hatt

 

 

Wow, Sir Topham Hatt looks something other than cross for once!

  1. Tigres UANL vs. Puebla – Liga MX

Two matches left for these two in the Apertura (first half-season).  The top half of the league (eight clubs) will qualify for the Liguilla (postseason tournament).

Puebla are in 11th place.  They’re just three points behind 8th-place Pachuca.  Still, they likely need to win both they’re remaining matches to leapfrog the necessary clubs and climb three steps in the table.  Trouble is, they’ve allowed 2+ goals in seven consecutive matches.  They’ve been bottom-four defensively to date.

Tigres are in 7th.  They just broke a three-match non-winning streak with a road W over midtable Morelia.  Before that clean sheet, they’d allowed 11 goals over their last four matches.   (8:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   Tigres   6-1

  1. Metropolitan Police vs. Newport County – England FA Cup

Yesterday, Noob featured a Minnow Watch and here we get another!   This is the first round of the “Competition Proper”, where teams as high as the third-tier of English football enter the tournament.  Previously, teams from the lower divisions have been battling to get to this point.

Metropolitan Police are one of three seventh-tier teams to have survived those qualifying rounds.  They are out of the Southern League Premier Division South, based in Surrey.  They’re just midtable there, and playing dreadful defense.

Newport Town come calling today, from level four of the English football pyramid.  They’re tied for 5th in League Two, though it’s hard to see how.  They make their host’s defense look divine.

Too just look at stats in their respective leagues, this could be a shootout.  Or given the gap in pyramid level, Newport may just come in and crush them.

RESULT:   Newport   0-2

SmallMetPolicelogo.png

 

 

Higher-league teams could take a lesson from the fine crest-work.

  1. FC Porto vs. Braga – Portugual Primeira Liga

Braga are the lone undefeated team remaining here in UEFA’s #7-ranked league.  Tied with them – FC Porto.   Both lead the rest of the league on both offense and defense.  Top two finishers make the Champions League next year.

A draw would leave both vulnerable to fellow powerhouse Sporting CP just behind.  A win for either gives them a real leg up in the title race, even here early in the season.

RESULT:   Porto   1-0

  1. Connah’s Quay vs. Barry Town – Welsh Premier

The Welsh top flite may be one of Europe’s weakest, but Noob’s always down for more tied-for-1st place action!

Connah’s Quay is no surprise.  They finished 3rd last year, about as low as Noob’s seen in my brief time closely following the footsball.

Barry Town?  Yeah, they were in 7th last year.  They’ve won seven of eight matches running, though every win but one by a single goal.  Soccer may not be a high-scoring affair typically, but that’s unusual even in this sport.  They’re not strong enough up front to keep this up all season long, will drop to midtable.

RESULT:   2-2

  1. Audax Italiano vs. Palestino – Copa Chile

What an odd Final.  With a Copa Libertadores berth going to the FA Cup winner, one would think the best teams would be getting here.  Audax and Palestino are well down the Premier League table in Chile, 11th and 13th, respectively.

Heck, Palestino is only two spots clear of the Relegation Zone!   Noob wonders if a team has ever qualified for the CL and been Demoted in the same season.

This is the first leg of the two-legged, home and away Final.  Between the higher table position and actually having a positive goal differential, Noob supposed Audax has to be the favorite.

RESULT:   Palestino   0-1

Image result for odd chili

 

Mediterranean Chickpea Chili

C’mon, that’s odd chili.

*sigh*  Who’s running images here with Dan the Intern-o Inferno gone?

  1. Zrinjski Mostar vs. FK Sarajevo – Bosnia and Herzegovina Premier

We return to Europe for a #B-#1 matchup.  The league is only ranked #40 (of 55) by UEFA, yet that only rachets up the drama.  Only one club can earn a Champions League invite.

Sarajevo made a late push to finish even 3rd last season.  Now, they lead the pack by five points.  They’ve averaged over two goals per match, which is astounding.  More so, because they’re among the league leaders at goal-stopping, too.

This isn’t must-win for Mostar, as the season is only halfway done.  Yet falling behind by eight points should they take the L at home today would have them in a bad way.  They’re the #B offense in the league, but by a lot.  It will be curious to see if they try pushing the pace at home, or take some of the air out of the ball.  Noob thinks if they make the game wide-open, they’re going to go down.

RESULT:   2-2

  1. Newcastle Jets vs. Sydney FC – Australia A-League

We finish the Saturday track down under in a top-ten Asian League.   Yes, Noob knows they’re their own continent.  They left the OFC for the AFC some years ago.

The season is so young Down under that we’re better served looking at last year’s table.  it was a weird one.  Sydney FC blew everyone out.  Even so, Newcastle had no close competition for runners-up position.

Three matches in this year, Sydney have yet to lose.  Newcastle sits in dead last.  They’ve only scored twice.  Maybe they should try wresting Usain Bolt away from Central Coast Mariners since he hasn’t yet completed a contract with them.   (Yes, that Usain Bolt.  He’s been training with CCM for a while now.)

RESULT:   1-1            Jets’ Nicholas Cowburn equalizes at 87′

Image result for Electrofringe newcastleSo long from Newcastle!

Home of Electrofringe, part of the annual This Is Not Art festival.

experimental electronic and technologically-based art

’10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday soccer matches – a world of footyball awaits!

Fridays tend to be a little lighter for soccer scheds around the world.  So we pack our bags and hit the tarmac!   Let’s Trot – learn some Fun Facts about teams and leagues from far and wide.

As always, we start close to home, then expand our soccer horizons.

  1. Atlanta United II vs. North Carolina FC – United Soccer League

Welcome to the only high-end match in America.  No MLS today, but do get one second-tier game.

ATL2 is down in 14th in the Eastern Conference.  For all the success Atlanta’s MLS side is having, their reserve team is lousy.

North Carolina is one of the USL clubs Noob has a soft spot for.  They moved over from the almost seemingly-defunct North American Soccer League.  To know why, please check out the Interviews D-Twosday page on this site.  Those are a gas, and so unreal you’ll hardly believe they’re believable.  Yup!  That came out right.

Anywho, NCFC is in 10th place.  Not scintillating, except a little when you remember each conference gets it’s top eight into the Playoffs.  They’re only three points out of 8th.

There’s a massive gulf in the table between ATL2 and those below and everyone else.  NC probably wins by a goal or two here on the road.

RESULT:   NC   1-6    Not a typo.   Cameroonian forward Ulrich Donovan Ewolo has four goals.

B.  Puebla vs. CF America – Liga MX

They’re about halfway through the Apertura (first half-season) in Mexico.  Unsurprisingly, CFA is near the top (3rd).   Puebla are in 10th.  They’re likely better than that and will climb.  They win a lot but almost never draw, which is painful in the table.

RESULT:   CF America   2-3       Puebla lead twice before giving up the winning score at 90′.  And CFA had even just lost a man to a red card at 88′.

Image result for letter B hurt

 

 

 

Can’t tell if Number B is mildly scolding or in pain, a la Puebla.

  1. Necaxa vs. Monterrey – Liga MX Femenil

Little Billy Donovan from Springfield writes:

Dear Mr. Noob,

Why do you list the Mexican men’s league before the women’s?  My mom says it’s because you’re a misogynistic – well, she’ll wash my mouth out with soap if I use the word she did.

Billy, thanks for writing in.  Wait, how did you know Noob would — know what?  Never mind.

But since you’re writing, wouldn’t your mom just end up harmlessly washing your hand if you wrote the bad word she did?  Also, she sounds like quite the hypocrite, and you can tell her Noob said so.  I’ll bet she’s not even hot.

When Noob featured matches from both leagues in the same Track, I list first whichever match is more intriguing and/or features teams that are collectively higher in their table.

Necaxa are in last in their Group.  (The league is divided into two.)  Monterrey are in 4th, need to climb two spots to make the Playoffs.   That quest moves forward today.  Visitors by a couple, easy.

RESULT:   Monterrey   0-2

  1. Wydad Casablanca vs. ES Setif – CAF Champions League

Africa’s version is in its Quarterfinals, where each matchup is a two-legged, home-and-away affair.

Noob Tracked the first leg not long back, and ES Setif took care of business at home with a 1-0 win.  Now it’s the defending champions’ turn to host.  Based on their ELO ratings (thank you, footballdatabase.com), Noob figures Wydad is easily a goal favorite at their own place, probably a 3:2 favorite with take it by two goals and advance.

RESULT:   0-0     And so the champs are OUT.  ES Setif moves on to the Semis.

Image result for Wydad Casablanca

 

 

Apparently, Wydad supporter’s know or assume Gerard Butler is a supporter, too.

  1. Cork City vs. Dundalk – League of Ireland Premier

It’s the pair of clubs longer-tenured Noobites knew would be at the top at the end, if not the order.

Defending champs Cork City are down seven points in the table.  They need a win today or the race is over.  Since it’s on their pitch, that’s more likely than not to happen.  But only by a tiny bit.  Dundalk have the advantage of only needing to play for a draw.  And they’re better on both sides of the ball, really put it all together this season.

Fun Fact:  Cork City are supporter-owned, by FORAS.  It stands for Friends of the Rebel Army and is Irish for “development”.

RESULT:   Dundalk   0-1      While it’s not a mathematical certainty, Noob’s ready to call the league finished!  Congrats to the fighting ‘Dalks!   I’m sure that’s their nickname…

  1. HJK vs. RoPS – Finland Veikkausliga

It’s all but over in Finalnd as well.  HJK lead #B RoPS by nine with just a few matches left to play.  These two play very good if not quite great D.  The difference has been HJK scores nearly twice a game on average while RoPS is only average in that department.   Today is probably coronation day for the defending titleholders.

RESULT:   HJK   3-0     Give HJK another crown!

Image result for hjk

 

 

For about two seconds, Noob didn’t notice this was a split image.

Yup.  Thought HJK fielded a giant.

  1. Zalgiris Vilnius vs. Suduva – Lithuania A Lyga

This league isn’t quite a true summer one like the above two, is only about 2/3 of the way through.  And the title race is closer.  Suduva won last year narrowly over ZV, and the margin is about the same now.

Still, ZV at home is the play if you’re such a gambling addict that Lithuanian soccer is part of your fix.  Degenerate!

Fun Fact:  Zalgiris’ supporters group are Pietų IV.   Noob has no idea how to begin to pronounce that.

RESULT:   ZV   1-0

  1. Al-Wahda vs. Al-Wasl – Arabian Gulf League

This is the top league in United Arab Emirates.   They’re just a couple matches into the season.  These were last year’s #B and #3 squads.  Wasl will have to accelerate on offense a little more to play for a second-place spot.  They’ll need a miracle to surpass Al-Ain.  Both would.

RESULT:   Al-Wahda   4-1

Image result for snobbish funny

 

Al-Wahda are nicknamed “Excellencies”.

Ooh la la!   

Here is your rrrroast. Duck, Al-Wahda.

  1. Partizani Tirana vs. Flamutari – Albania Super Liga

Partizani finished 5th last season.  Normally that would get you squat, but perennial powerhouse Skenderbeu Korce got hit with a record ten-year ban from international play by UEFA.   That moved the tournament invitations down a rung in table each, so allowed P.T. to eke into Europa League.  Where they got skunked over two matches in the first qualifying round.

If you’d like to know a little more about the S.K. match-fixing nawteeness, Noob recommends checking out Bros Talking Soccer, podcast episode 90.  The question comes at the 35’, but why not listen to the whole thing?  One of only three podcasts on which I spend time.  Look, they’re Bros.   They talk.  And it’s about soccer.  In this day and age, it’s hard to find such transparency in the offering!   Muy bueno.

Oh yeah, Flamutari was 6th last year.  OK.

Fun Fact:  Brostalkingsoccerpodcast.com is the website  where Noobites can get mucho info.

RESULT:   Tirana   2-0

  1. Go Ahead Eagles vs. Jong Ajax – Netherlands Eerste Divisie

Noob finishes our ‘Trotting Track in the Netherlands second division!   Both teams this very early season are high enough in the table to be in the Promotion conversation.  Jong (Young) Ajax are disallowed though, as reserve teams there can’t move up to top flite.

Only the top finisher will move up automatically.  GHE are #B, which places them atop the spots that will qualify for the postseason Promotion playoffs.  They’re leading the league in offense, and Noob considers them to easily be a goal favorite today.

RESULT:   Eagles   2-1

Image result for speelgoedmuseum deventerSo long from the Toy Museum, Deventer — home of Go Head Eagles!

The city.   They don’t live with the toys.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Globetrotting Friday (4/20) – MLS, NWSL, Liga MX keep us closer to home

TGIGF!  yet today, we won’t be hitting the soccer hinterlands quite like usual.  This is a rare Friday sched that’s chock full of great matches, in leagues Noob covers and you crave.

  1. Sporting Kansas City vs. Vancouver Whitecaps – MLS

Nearly every team has played five games, an arbitrary benchmark Noob uses to stop leaning on the previous seasons’ stats so heavily and look at what’s in front of us.

So what’s in front of us?  KC is #1 in the West, and they’re doing it with a wide-open style.  They lead the league in offense.  Vancouver is in 3rd.  They’re two road wins this early are impressive.  But ultimately, this team isn’t scoring enough goals.  Bad matchup for them today.

Noob’s thinking KC 3-0.  The Management should be pleased, since he is pro-all things KC.   (9:00 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass)

RESULT:   KC   6-0

Image result for happy Manager funny

 

Where were you hiding that cake, The Management?

Noob likes chocolate cake.  Noob will root for KC.

B.  Washington Spirit vs. Portland Thorns – NWSL

In 2 Corinthians, Paul writes of a thorn in his flesh.  Three times he prayed for its removal.  Each time, the Lord told him His grace would be sufficient instead.

Noob’s not quite sure how this can fit here, but I will say Washington needs to pray here.  The Capitol gals finished in last in 2017.  Just three games in this year they are better.  But they aren’t playing any defense, and that’s not going to bode well against the defending champs.

RESULT   1-1

Image result for holy letter B

 

 

Number B,. any chance that Holy Spirit-dove is Washington’s mascot?

  1. Puebla vs. CF America – Liga MX

Two matches two go in the Clausura (second half-season).  America sit in 3rd, and are all but mathematically guaranteed a Liguilla slot, top-eight finish.

Puebla are in 13th – not out, but on life support.  Their GD isn’t all that bad, but their guests today are tied for the best defense in the league.   Must win for “The Sweet Potatoers”.     (8:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Puebla   3-1      Puebla pulls into a three-way tie for 9th, just a point behind the two teams tied for 8th

  1. Dijon vs. Lyon – Ligue 1

France’s slip in the UEFA rankings this year means they only get three Champions League invites now.  This has Lyon sweating bullets.  They’re tied for 3rd with Marseille.  Dijon shouldn’t present a problem today, except that the game is there.  One never knows what the road may bring.    (3:00 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   Lyon   2-5

Image result for mustard problem

 

 

 

Lies!  Clearly there is a problem related to mustard.

  1. Connah’s Quay vs. T.N.S. – Welsh Premier

It’s #B vs. #1!   That’s always eye-catching for Noob, even if The New Saints have already claimed the league title.  TNS score close to twice as much as anyone else, but will they be motivated now?

CQ are in position to get the only automatic Europa League berth here, but only lead Bangor City by three in the table.

RESULT:   TNS   1-3

  1. Millwall vs. Fulham – English Championship League

This may only be second-tier football, but this league has ranked as high as 14th before in the overall UEFA rankings.  And this match should be a doozy.

Millwall are in 6th, with competition hot on their heels for that last spot in the Promotion Playoffs.  Fulham are in 3rd and guaranteed at least a PP spot already.  But they’re also only a point behind #B Cardiff City.  If they can pass them, they’ll be automatically moved up to Premier League.

RESULT:   Fulham   0-3     Fulham climb to #B by two points, though one must note they’ve played two more matches than #3 Cardiff.  

Image result for hot british heels

 

“Hot on their heels”.  English Sexy Pointed Toe Shoes.

Not bad, Dan the Intern-o Inferno.  But find some better ankles next time.

  1. Braga vs. Maritimo – Primeira Liga

Portugal’s is the highest-ranked league (#7) to only get two Champions League slots.  This means Braga has work to do.  They’re in 4th, six points behind #B Benfica.  Maritimo are tied for 5th, but they’re merely playing to be the best of the rest.  Big gap between the top four and all others here.

RESULT:   Braga   2-0     Braga move into a tie for 3rd.  They’ve played one more match than Sporting CP with whom they’re tied though.

  1. Istanbul Basaksehir vs. Kayserispor – Turkey Super Lig

A reminder:  This is a top 10 league in Europe.  We pay attention.

Galatasaray – 60, Besiktas 59, Istanbul 59.  Fenerbahce 57.  Say hello to the most dramatic league finish coming.  Five matches remain for everyone.  Just two will make CL.

I.B. are better on both sides of the ball than the #6 visitors today, should take care of business.  Kayser aren’t playing for any Euro-postseason.

RESULT:   Istanbul   3-1   I.B. move into 1st.  They’ve played one more match than the teams right behind them though.

Image result for giant turkey leg

 

 

Um, Dan the Intern-o Inferno?  Turkey Super Lig.  LIG.

Cute though.

  1. Reims vs. AC Ajaccio – Ligue 2

Congrats, Ligue 2!  Noob had a Paraguayan game scouted for this slot today, but Independiente fell out of the top quarter of their league.  Denied!

France’s second division automatically promotes two to Ligue 1 annually.  Reims are #1 and they’re unlikely to be caught now.  ACA are #3.  That’s good to make the league’s Promotion Playoffs, but they’re also just a point behind #B Nimes.

RESULT:   Reims   1-0

  1. Melbourne City vs. Brisbane Roar – Australia A-League

More denial!  Noob had an Algerian Ligue 1 match all lined up, but Hussein Day fell off the radar like Independiente.

Instead, we finish our globetrotting Down Under.  It’s the Playoffs!  The top two regular season finishers are getting byes.  Four more face off in Knockout matches to see who plays the league leaders.

Melbourne City finished third, Brisbane 6th.  Noob has confirmed that the Playoff champions – not the regular season champion – gets an Asian Champions League invite.  While not confirmed, Noob assumes the loser of the Playoff final will get the other invite.

RESULT:   Melbourne City   2-0

Image result for denied funny

 

 

 

Good thing this makes sense.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Globetrotting Friday! Quality football, a Bob Ross appearance, and The Management hurts Noob’s feelings

We’ve got a super-solid lineup for “the ten most important matches to follow for the newish American fan”, especially considering it’s a Friday!

Fear not.  By Track’s end, we’ll still Globetrot for one unusual desitination.  Until then, enjoy the weirdest soccer previewing on the interblag.

  1. New England Revolution vs. Montreal Impact – MLS

Both these clubs missed the Playoffs last season.  But they’ve each won two out of four early for promising starts.

Noob doesn’t think either have the offense to stay in the top half of the Eastern Conference standings.  Which might prove me wrong today though?  (7:30 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 8)

RESULT:   New England   4-0    Montreal lost a player to a red card pretty early.

Nostalgia time —

B.  England vs. Wales – women’s World Cup qualification (UEFA)

Wales are 3-1-0 in this Group.  All three of their wins have been 1-0 (or 0-1).

England, meanwhile, are 3-0-0 and have outscored their opponents 15-zilch.  Wales make qualify for World Cup by finishing #B in this bunch, but they’ll be dragon soup today.

RESULT:   0-0     no soup for Noob

Image result for Letter B dragon

 

 

Danger!  Number B about to be carried away by dragon over soup-threat!

  1. Cardiff City vs. Wolverhampton Wanderers – English Championship

The top two face off in England’s second division!  If they finish as such (likely), they’ll both be automatically promoted to Premier League next season.  Still, Fulham and Aston Villa aren’t that far back of Cardiff, so they’re still plenty motivated.

To win today, Cardiff will have to control the pace.  They play the best defense in that league.  WW have the best offense though.

RESULT:   Wolverhampton   0-1

  1. Puebla vs. Pachuca – Liga MX

Puebla are in a three-way tie for the last two spots in the table that will make the postseason Liguilla (playoffs).

Pachuca are only two points behind them, but have to leap several teams to make the top eight themselves.  Noob’s nowhere near convinced their wide-open style/Swiss cheese defense (though good offense) can get it done today.  (8:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Pachuca   2-6      Of course, Noob could be mistaken…

Image result for soccer swiss cheese

  1. Waterford vs. Cork City – Irish Premier

Promoted to Premier this season, Waterford continue to impress.  They’re tied for #B in the table, just a point off Cork City’s pace.   They don’t score anywhere near enough to likely stay there, but it’s fun to see new blood near the top for now.

RESULT:   Waterford   2-1    Waterford move into a tie for 1st.  4 red cards were issued in the final minute of regulation.  

  1. France vs. Nigeria –women’s international friendly

World Cup tuneup!   Maybe it’s a little early to call it that, since the women’s isn’t until 2019.    But France are automatically in as the host nation (and would qualify anyway, trust me).    Africa’s qualification tournament doesn’t start until summer, but Nigeria is one of that federation’s four strongest.  So tuneup, says I!

RESULT:   France   8-0     Apparently Nigeria tuned out

Image result for you're a little weird

 

 

 

 

Noob can relate.  Thanks, Bob.

  1. Sporting Charleroi vs. Anderlecht – Belgian First Division A

Belgium’s top league has divided into Championship and Relegation subdivisions now. These two finished the regular season #B and #3, but Gent has now passed them both.  Since Belgium only gets two berths into Champions League, this is a vital match for both sides.

Charleroi better start finding the back of the net again.  They’re in a drought.

RESULT:   Anderlecht   1-2

  1. Ludogorets Razgrad vs. CSKA-Sofia – Bulgaria First Pro League

Bulgaria’s top league is ranked in the top half of UEFA (24th), but that’s still only good for one Champions league berth next year.  These two are #1 and #B, separated by only three points in the table, and very similar statistically as well.  Dynamite matchup.

RESULT:   Ludogorets Razgrad   3-2     Sofia went down a man to a red card early in the 2nd half.  LR scored the equalizer and winning goals very late.

Image result for soccer dynamite

  1. Jong Ajax vs. NEC Nijmegen – Dutch Eerste Divisie

It’s a tie for #B!   And they’re just a point out of 1st place, too.  As a reserve side, Jong Ajax isn’t eligible to be promoted.  But the Fighting Nijets are.

RESULT:   J.Ajax   3-2

The Management would like to apologize to our readers.  NEC are not the “Nijets” or even “Nidgets”, and even the correctly-spelled latter one would be a terrible nickname in any case.  Thank you for—

They didn’t seem to have a mascot.  So I gave them one.

You’re the Nidget.

That hurts me.  Just because you may be right doesn’t mean you don’t need to shut up.

  1. Waterhouse vs. Harbour View – Jamaica Premier

We need us some Jamaica time after that high drama!  4th place hosts 5th.  Noob leans libertarian-ish, so while not a user himself, smoke it if you’ve got it.

RESULT:   Waterhouse   2-1     Turns out this was played yesterday.  And that it was the second leg of a league playoff Quarterfinal!  Waterhouse advances on aggregate, 3-1.

Image result for relaxed soccer

 

 

 

That’s the spirit.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Wednesday, 8/27 – FA Cups, throwing shade at SheBelieves, and Evil Flower-Elmo…

The ten most important soccer matches for the newish American soccer fan to follow.  T2T are the spine of this project.  Noob hopes it is helpful and fun.

Tenured soccer fans, come on in and stay a while!  There;’s always a little to learn for everyone.

And the comedy attempt-aspect is NOT weird, confusing, or inappropriate.  Not ever.  *bonnnngggg*

  1. FC Dallas vs. Tauro – CONCACAF Champions League

The First Round continues.  Panamanian Tauro took down Dallas 1-0 in the first leg.  To advance, Dallas has to not only win, but they must win by at least two goals is Tauro gets one (tiebreaker rule – away goals).

Dallas is better on paper, looks like the favorite.  But it’s important to remember that the non-Amuricuhn clubs have been playing their league seasons for some time.  U.S. teams start their league this weekend, aren’t nearly as in form yet.

RESULT:   Dallas   3-2     But Tauro advances!  Aggregate ends 3-3, the Panamanians advancing on away-goal tiebreaker.

Image result for FC Dallas supporters

 

One stripper for the young Dallas supporter, one for the bull.

Noob’s terrified on multiple fronts..

B.  Guadalajara vs. Cibao – CONCACAF Champions League

The Mexican side won the away leg of this tie 0-2.  Now they get to finish off Ciabo from the Dominican Republic at home.    (8:00 PM Eastern, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Guadalajara   5-0

Image result for dominican letter B

 

 

 

Cardi B (and her Dominican dad) are thrilled this match is Number B.

  1. CF America vs. Saprissa – CONCACAF Champions League

Noob has often thought Costa Rica’s Saprissa was one of the sneaky-best clubs in the federation.  Well, they got not-so-sneaky clobbered 1-5 in the first leg of this fiasco.  CFA may win today 2-0 just by accident.    (10:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   1-1      CFA advances on aggregate.

  1. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur vs. Rochdale – English FA Cup

The Fifth Round Proper has another Replay to do.  Third-tier Rochdale had a stunning finish to equalize in the first go-‘round between these two.  Their reward will seemingly be to get thrashed at Wembley, but at least they get to split the gate!  Noob fervently wishes for the upset, of course.    (2:45 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   Hotspur   6-1      This was actually a match at halftime, 1-1.

Image result for death of harry hotspur

 

 

Die 1000 more times, traitorous Harry “Hotspur” Percy!

  1. Alebrijes Oaxaca vs. Puebla – Copa MX

This is the last game of the Group Stage for these two.  Second-division Oaxaca lead by a point.  Puebla is in second.  Most second-place teams from these Groups of three will advance.  But the worst-performing two of the nine will not, and right now Liga MX side Puebla are among those two.

Oaxaca would be fine with a draw.  Puebla has to win.  It will be entertaining to see which club can control the pace.

RESULT:   1-1     So Oaxaca advances, and Puebla -as the worst-finishing second place Group finisher – is out.

  1. Japan vs. Netherlands – Algarve Cup

Previously, this has been the premier invitational women’s tournament in the world.  The SheBelieves Cup has taken some of its luster, however, by siphoning off four of the very best national teams.

Noob is not pleased with this development over the last three years.  Algarve is a lovely region of Portugal, and tradition is wonderful.

Still, 12 teams play in Portugal, divided into Groups of four to start.  These two are ranked 9th and 7th by FIFA.

RESULT:   Netherlands   2-6      So much for Noob having tried to pick a competitive match from this event to feature

Image result for shebelieves cup 2018

 

Noob Believes She not believing in a space between two words makes She looks silly.

  1. Lazio vs. AC Milan – Coppa Italia

Lazio kept things scoreless in the first leg of this Semifinal tie.  Milan now has their work cut out for them for their road trip.  That said, if they can score an away-goal today, then Lazio has to get at least two to advance.

These two are 4th and 7th place in Serie A, respectively.    (2:45 PM, GOL TV)

RESULT:   AC Milan   1-1  /  4-5   pk

  1. Millonarios vs. Corinthians – Copa Libertadores

This is the first Group Stage match for these two.  Here, clubs are divided into Groups of four each.  The top two finishers in each advance, while the 3rd-place sides will get dropped down to Copa Sudamericana (South America’s version of Europa League).

Millonarios are the second-highest qualifying team from Colombia.  Corinthians are sort of the #1 qualifier from Brazil.  (Defending champions Gremio are from Brazil, go in automatically.)

Noobstradamus attests that home field advantage will be enough today, Millonarios will net a 2-1 last-minute, thrilling victory!

RESULT:   0-0      A thrilling prognostication failure…

Image result for noobstradamus

 

 

I also Believe a serious backlash is coming for ripping on SheBelieves.

Goodness.  That name does look stupid.

  1. Chambly vs. Strasbourg – Coupe de France

Minnow Alert!   Chambly may be stinking up Championnat National (third-tier) joint and be about to get Relegated, but they’ve made a surprise run to the Quarterfinal in this FA Cup.

Strasbourg are having a poor, forgettable year in Ligue 1, but they’re still Ligue 1 and so should whomp this team in their own house.    (12:30 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   Chambly   1-0     Minnow success!

  1. Aves vs. Caldas – Taca de Portugal

Noob finds this arrangement strange.  Usually the higher-ranking team gets to host the second leg of a tie.  But for this Semifinal, Primeira Liga Aves hosts first.

Aves was promoted to Portugal’s top flight just this year.  They’re the best of the worst this season, on top of a tight group of clubs in the bottom of the table.  Caldas are a third-division team, sitting in the middle of one of the Campeonato subdivisions.

RESULT:   Aves   1-0

Image result for floral arrangement funny

 

 

Speaking of strange arrangements…