TGIGF! yet today, we won’t be hitting the soccer hinterlands quite like usual. This is a rare Friday sched that’s chock full of great matches, in leagues Noob covers and you crave.
Sporting Kansas City vs. Vancouver Whitecaps – MLS
Nearly every team has played five games, an arbitrary benchmark Noob uses to stop leaning on the previous seasons’ stats so heavily and look at what’s in front of us.
So what’s in front of us? KC is #1 in the West, and they’re doing it with a wide-open style. They lead the league in offense. Vancouver is in 3rd. They’re two road wins this early are impressive. But ultimately, this team isn’t scoring enough goals. Bad matchup for them today.
Noob’s thinking KC 3-0. The Management should be pleased, since he is pro-all things KC. (9:00 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass)
RESULT: KC 6-0
Where were you hiding that cake, The Management?
Noob likes chocolate cake. Noob will root for KC.
B. Washington Spirit vs. Portland Thorns – NWSL
In 2 Corinthians, Paul writes of a thorn in his flesh. Three times he prayed for its removal. Each time, the Lord told him His grace would be sufficient instead.
Noob’s not quite sure how this can fit here, but I will say Washington needs to pray here. The Capitol gals finished in last in 2017. Just three games in this year they are better. But they aren’t playing any defense, and that’s not going to bode well against the defending champs.
Number B,. any chance that Holy Spirit-dove is Washington’s mascot?
Puebla vs. CF America – Liga MX
Two matches two go in the Clausura (second half-season). America sit in 3rd, and are all but mathematically guaranteed a Liguilla slot, top-eight finish.
Puebla are in 13th – not out, but on life support. Their GD isn’t all that bad, but their guests today are tied for the best defense in the league. Must win for “The Sweet Potatoers”. (8:00 PM, Univision Deportes)
RESULT: Puebla 3-1 Puebla pulls into a three-way tie for 9th, just a point behind the two teams tied for 8th
Dijon vs. Lyon – Ligue 1
France’s slip in the UEFA rankings this year means they only get three Champions League invites now. This has Lyon sweating bullets. They’re tied for 3rd with Marseille. Dijon shouldn’t present a problem today, except that the game is there. One never knows what the road may bring. (3:00 PM, beIN Sports)
RESULT: Lyon 2-5
Lies! Clearly there is a problem related to mustard.
Connah’s Quay vs. T.N.S. – Welsh Premier
It’s #B vs. #1! That’s always eye-catching for Noob, even if The New Saints have already claimed the league title. TNS score close to twice as much as anyone else, but will they be motivated now?
CQ are in position to get the only automatic Europa League berth here, but only lead Bangor City by three in the table.
RESULT: TNS 1-3
Millwall vs. Fulham – English Championship League
This may only be second-tier football, but this league has ranked as high as 14th before in the overall UEFA rankings. And this match should be a doozy.
Millwall are in 6th, with competition hot on their heels for that last spot in the Promotion Playoffs. Fulham are in 3rd and guaranteed at least a PP spot already. But they’re also only a point behind #B Cardiff City. If they can pass them, they’ll be automatically moved up to Premier League.
RESULT: Fulham 0-3 Fulham climb to #B by two points, though one must note they’ve played two more matches than #3 Cardiff.
“Hot on their heels”. English Sexy Pointed Toe Shoes.
Not bad, Dan the Intern-o Inferno. But find some better ankles next time.
Braga vs. Maritimo – Primeira Liga
Portugal’s is the highest-ranked league (#7) to only get two Champions League slots. This means Braga has work to do. They’re in 4th, six points behind #B Benfica. Maritimo are tied for 5th, but they’re merely playing to be the best of the rest. Big gap between the top four and all others here.
RESULT: Braga 2-0 Braga move into a tie for 3rd. They’ve played one more match than Sporting CP with whom they’re tied though.
Istanbul Basaksehir vs. Kayserispor – Turkey Super Lig
A reminder: This is a top 10 league in Europe. We pay attention.
Galatasaray – 60, Besiktas 59, Istanbul 59. Fenerbahce 57. Say hello to the most dramatic league finish coming. Five matches remain for everyone. Just two will make CL.
I.B. are better on both sides of the ball than the #6 visitors today, should take care of business. Kayser aren’t playing for any Euro-postseason.
RESULT: Istanbul 3-1 I.B. move into 1st. They’ve played one more match than the teams right behind them though.
Um, Dan the Intern-o Inferno? Turkey Super Lig. LIG.
Reims vs. AC Ajaccio – Ligue 2
Congrats, Ligue 2! Noob had a Paraguayan game scouted for this slot today, but Independiente fell out of the top quarter of their league. Denied!
France’s second division automatically promotes two to Ligue 1 annually. Reims are #1 and they’re unlikely to be caught now. ACA are #3. That’s good to make the league’s Promotion Playoffs, but they’re also just a point behind #B Nimes.
RESULT: Reims 1-0
Melbourne City vs. Brisbane Roar – Australia A-League
More denial! Noob had an Algerian Ligue 1 match all lined up, but Hussein Day fell off the radar like Independiente.
Instead, we finish our globetrotting Down Under. It’s the Playoffs! The top two regular season finishers are getting byes. Four more face off in Knockout matches to see who plays the league leaders.
Melbourne City finished third, Brisbane 6th. Noob has confirmed that the Playoff champions – not the regular season champion – gets an Asian Champions League invite. While not confirmed, Noob assumes the loser of the Playoff final will get the other invite.
RESULT: Melbourne City 2-0
Good thing this makes sense.