Tag: Borussia Dortmund

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition (11/13-15) soccer matches – UEFA Nations League leads the way

Saturdays and Sundays, Noob endeavors to highlight the ten most important matches to follow on each, for us – the newish American fans of the global game.

Tuesday through Thursday, we do just ten over the three days.   Either way, we’re local, Western European, and then the world.  Mini-previews that introduce us to the teams, leagues and tournaments everywhere, and what the stakes are — why each is important to the teams involved, and so can be to us.

Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s matches and results follow below.

Thursday

4.  England vs. U.S.A. – friendly

This is the last friendly of the year for USMNT.  After failing to qualify for the 2018 World Cup, the youth movement continues for the team.  They’ve already been running very young, and now two of the few veterans who would’ve been on the roster are out due to injury.

Perhaps the most noteworthy cal-up is goalie Jonathan Klinsmann, son of the former German USMNT manager.  He’s with German Bundesliga club Hertha Berlin, but Noob gathers hasn’t been a key part of things there yet.

In other big news, American’s young, oft-thought #1 superstar Christian Pulisic (with Bundesliga’s Borussia Dortmund) is coming off injury and on the roster for the first time in a while.  Tyler Adams of New York Red Bulls is back from being hurt as well.

Finally, this may be the last match as interim head coach for Sara Chan.  Talk is that Columbus Crew manager Gregg Berhalter is likely to take the reigns for the American team shortly.

The Management would like to apologize for Noob’s greivous error.  The interim manager of the US Men’s National Team is Dave Sarachan.  He is not an Asian or Asian-American women named Sara Chan.  Thank you for your time, attention and patronage of Noob.

Sooooo…you don’t think a women could do the job, The Management?

That is not what I said. Merely that –

Moving on!  Sexist pig 🙂

England’s all-time leading scoring Wayne Rooney – currently of MLS’ D.C. United club – will be making a farewell appearance for their national team.  He last appeared for them in 2016.

These are the 23rd and 5th-ranked teams in the world.  Noob’s read that gap might be exacerbated by the fact that the Three Lions will likely be playing their top squad or something close.  They’re currently also playing in the new UEFA Nation’s League tournament.  I would think that means they’d rest starters for a friendly, but we shall see.   (3:00 PM EDT, ESPN2)

RESULT:   England   3-0         Not a strong showing for the Americans on any front.

5.  Croatia vs. Spain – UEFA Nations League

A reminder of what we have here:

This is a new tournament, largely replacing international friendlies in certain parts of the soccer calendar.  UEFA intends to hold this every other year.  All 55 national teams are participating.  They are divided into four leagues, based on rankings around the last World Cup.  The top dozen are in League A, the next 12 League B, and so on (though more than a dozen in C and D each).

The Leagues are in turn each divided into equal cross-section Groups of three or four.  In each Group, the teams will play home and away double round robins.  In League A, the four winners will have a Playoff to determine the event champion.  In the other leagues, the Group winners will have a Playoff as well.  The winners of all four Playoffs automatically qualify for the 2020 European Championships.

So that’s what’s going on and what’s at stake.  This matchup is one in League A.

Currently, Croatia is ranked #4 in the world, Spain 9th.  But Croatia haven’t had good fortune since making the World Cup final last year.  Their only win since then is a 2-1 win over Jordan.  Spain won the first match against them 6-0 in this event.  The Spanish lead England by two points in the table for 1st.   (2:45 PM, Galavision)

RESULT:   Croatia   3-2        Last minute goal for the winners!

6. Luxembourg vs. Belarus – UEFA Nations League

Most or all of the teams in League A will actually qualify for the 2020 Euros through other channels, so this event is more important for teams in the lower Leagues’ teams.

Here in League D, the Groups are four teams each.  Luxembourg lead Belarus by a point after four matches.  They’re ranked #84 and #78 in the world, respectively.  This isn’t the sort of match you’ll find on TV – at least not stateside.  But it should be a shootout! The two have collectively outscored their opponents 16-1 so far.  Belarus won the first match between them in this event 1-0.

RESULT:   Belarus   0-2

Image result for luxembourg men's national football team 2018

 

 

The Lux MNT of 1920.

7.  Iran vs. Trinidad and Tobago – friendly

Welcome to what might be the only English language preview of this match anywhere!

FIFA ranks them #30 and #93 in the world.  This makes Iran the #1-ranked team in Asia.  They’ve lost just once in their last six matches, all low-scoring affairs.  That includes a pretty decent win against Morocco (#47).

T&T, tenured Noobites may recall, was the last team the USMNT played in the CONCACAF World Cup qualifiers last year.  Our Caribbean counterparts were victorious, keeping the Americans out and allowing Panama their first-ever appearance.  More recently, they’ve won just once in their last four outings, all all low-scoring.  But the W was a decent one, over higher-ranked U.A.E.

OK, not much of a preview.  But we’re going to get to know our CONCACAF neighbors as best we reasonably can.

RESULT:   Iran   1-0

8.  Israel vs. Guatemala – friendly

Noob just trained a college kid at work this week.  He grew up abroad, all over.  Mom is in the Foriegn Service.  His favorite place was doing high school in suburban Tel Aviv.  He’s working towards working for them as well, will work towards getting back to that spot.

He follows soccer, but mainly Premier League.  He likes tracking his favorite players, not club teams.  Noob isn’t super-player specific at all, so that’s all I really have to say about that.

The Management:  Going to preview the match?

Nah.  I just like to write whatever.

RESULT:   Israel   7-0          not a typo

9. Sao Paulo vs. Gremio – Brazil Serie A

It may be “International Break” for Europe, but there’s still hawt domestic league action in other places!

The season is nearing it’s end in Brazil.  The top six all qualify for the next Copa Libertadores (South America’s champions league).  These two are tied for 4th.  Fourth place itself is an important table position, as it’s the lowest one from which the club will automatically enter the CL Group Stage.  The two below will have to fight through a qualifying round.

Sao Paulo was red hot much earlier in the year, occupying the top spot in the table for a good while.  But they’ve only won one in their last nine, albeit that stretch is littered with many draws.  It had looked like the defense might be what would cause them trouble based on early-season numbers, but its their offense that has done a disappearing act of late.

Gremio have cooled off a little of late themselves, though not nearly to Sao Paulo’s degree.  Some of that may have been because they were defending their Copa Libertadores title.  They lost in the Semis and can now focus on a top-four finish in league play.   (4:00 PM, GOL TV)

RESULT:   1-1

10.  Deportivo La Guaira vs. Deportivo Tachira – Venezuela Premier

We finish our Track with some domestic league Playoff goodness.

Like in many Latin countries, Venezuela divides its season into two separate league tournaments.  This is the second leg of the Semifinal of the Clausura (second half-season) postseason playoffs.  They finished #B and #3 in the league.  La Guira tied for best offense in the league, but lost the first match of this series 0-1.

The winner will get #4 Deportivo Lara or barely-qualified #8 Caracas.

RESULT:   La Guaira   3-1

Image result for Estadio Olímpico de la UCV

 

So long from Caracas! 

La Guaira is  both a city and club, but their Estadio Olimpico UCV home is in Caracas.

Wednesday

3.   Panama vs. Argentina – CONCACAF Women’s World Cup qualification

Like yesterday’s UEFA WC qual. match, this is a Playoff – one last chance to get in. Panama finished 4th in the CONCACAF qualifying tournament and Argentina finished 3rd in the CONMEBOL version. The teams are ranked #66 and #37 in the world, respectively.

Now they are playing off for one more berth. And the Panamanian women’s quest to join last year’s men’s national team in being the first ever to qualify from their country is nearly over. Argentina won their home half of this two-match series 4-0. Panama aren’t scoring 5+ today.

RESULT:   1-1         Argentina are World Cup-bound

Tuesday

1. Scotland vs. U.S.A. – women’s international friendly

The #1 world ranked American ladies continued their tuneups for next year’s World Cup.   #19 Scotland could only keep possession a little over 1/3 of the time.   Alex Morgan’s goal was the only one of the match, so 0-1 U.S.

Image result for usa usa usa gif

 

 

Thanks for keeping us pumped, Miley.

USA!  USA!

B. Switzerland vs. Netherlands – UEFA Women’s World Cup qualification

The Group Stage winners of this event all qualified for next year’s WC.   The four best runners-up have been participating in Playoffs to determine one last qualifier.

#18 Switzerland and #10 FIFA-ranked Netherlands were the last two standing.   The Dutch gals won the first match of this home and away two-legged tie in dominating fashion, 1-3.   The pace was slower for today’s second leg, a 1-1 draw.

And so, congrats to Netherlands and good fortune in in 2019!

 

Image result for letter B party

 

Number B is down to party with the Dutch gals.

 

Tired out old Number Two need not RSVP.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches Midweek Edition (5/22-24) – adding more each day

Noob’s gonna roll out the ten most important matches for us – the newish American fans of the global game – to follow day by day this Midweek.  Teasing, then pleasing.  Or something.   (now complete)

Tuesday, 5/22

  1. LAFC vs. Borussia Dortmund – international friendly

With the league season wrapped up for many of the European clubs, now they can tour around!   This is an especially fun one because American superstar Christian Pulisic plays for the German side.

If both teams are trying their hardest, playing starters, it’s hard not to see LAFC as a two-goal underdog.  Noob’s heard it said that the difference between a top league like Germany’s Bundesliga and MLS is akin to Major League Baseball vs. low class-A minor league stuff.   (10:00 PM Eastern, FS1)

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for angry Mr. Shucks

 

 

Mr. Shucks (in beach night promotional attire) of low class-A Midwest League’s Cedar Rapids (IA) Kernels seems offended.

Actually, it’s hard to tell…

B.  Horoya vs. Mamelodi Sundowns – CAF Champions League

In Africa’s Champions League, he 16 remaining teams have been divided into pods of four.  Top two finishers advance to the Knockout stage.

This is just the second of the six matches for these two.  Horoya hail from Guinea, the 18th-ranked league in Africa.  Mamelodi are the powerhouse team from South Africa, the 5th-ranked league.  This is two matches in a row where the home side should be valued at -2 goals, INHO.

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for Guinea letter B

 

 

Number B as guinea pig food.

 

 

Wednesday, 5/23

  1. NTX Rayados vs. FC Wichita – U.S. Open Cup

Third Round of America’s FA Cup!  Last Round, the tier-two (USL) teams entered the competition.  One more, and the big boys (MLS) join the fray.  There are lots of matches this week, but Noob is featuring this one because it’s fun to follow the lower-rung clubs and this match features two.

The Rayados (“Stripes”, or maybe “Striped Ones”) are from the amateur North Texas Premier Soccer League.   FC Dallas Roma made it to the Fourth Round out of this league once, so a touch of history could be on their side.  FC Wichita play in the Heartland Conference of the fourth-tier NPSL, and are also of amateur status.

RESULT:   NTX   3-2     Rayados lead 2-0 before blowing that lead, then scoring the winner at 86′.

  1. Orlando Pride vs. North Carolina Courage – NWSL

The Orlando gals are in 3rd, get to host the league’s one remaining undefeated team today.  They had a rough start, not winning any of their first three matches, but haven’t loss since.

As tenured Noobites will know, there’s an absolute side to cheer for here.   It’s called “whoever’s playing a team from a Swamp City”.  Noob disavows you, bad urban planners!  Go, NC.

RESULT:   NCC   3-4     Courage wasted 0-1 and 1-3 leads before getting the final goal at 90′ mark.

Image result for urban swamp orlando

 

Actual photo of Orlando.

Your future looks bleak, mice-peoples.

  1. Dinamo Zagreb vs. Hajduk Split – Croatia FA Cup

The Final!   Neutral site, a city called Vinkovci.  Bottom-rung club Cibalia plays there, which is named after the former Roman name for the town.

These clubs finished 1st and 3rd in league play, respectively.  Strangely, neither have been playing very well of late though.  Zagreb’s the one that’s on the worse skid.

Noobstradamus Sees:  Split taking the match 0-1.  And their extra-hooliganish fans will maim at least two Zagreb supporters.

RESULT:   Zagreb   1-0

  1. Partizan vs. Mladost Lucani – Serbia FA Cup

Another Final!   Also a neutral site, city of Surdulica.

There was gulf in the table between the top and the bottom halves, and Lucani wasn’t even the best of the worst, finishing 11th.  And bad luck – they lost at this stadium to the host Superliga club in the last league match of the season.  Bad vibes.

Worse, Partizan were the #B league finisher.  The only good thing working for Lucani is their offense.  It gives them a puncher’s chance, to mix sports metaphors.

RESULT:   Partizan   1-2     FA Cup cham-PEENS!

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Mixed metaphor.

  1. Dinamo Minsk vs. BATE Borisov – Belarus Premier

BATE Borisov is the one name to know from this country.  A dozen consecutive league titles, 7-0-0 this season, and a goals-scored/allowed of 12-1.  yet Minsk is the one team that might give them a fight, especially on their own turf.  They’re #B and finished there in 2017 as well.

Noobstradamus Sees:   …Minsk knocking BATE a little off their pedestal!   1-1.

RESULT:   BATE   0-1

  1. Pusaks FC Academy vs. Ujpest – Hungary FA Cup

And back to another Final!   Noob’s been taking these in in order general strength of soccer in each nation.

The NB1 league was a two-horse race this season, but neither of them got to this Final.  Instead, we get the 5th and 7th-place teams.  But what makes this super-fun is that Puskas is the youth team affiliated with league-winner Videoton.   It will take place in Budapest, where Puskas is from, though not on their home pitch.

RESULT:   Ujpest   2-2 /  4-5 PK         So close, kids!

Image result for hungarian kids playing football

 

“If you win the final, kids, you get pizza and ice cream after”.

 

 

Thursday, 5/24

  1. Atletico Nacional vs. Colo-Colo – Copa Libertadores

South America’s version of Champions League.    The Group Stage is concluding.  Pods of four teams, top two finishers advance to Knockout stage.  Here’s your midweek featured match for the CL:

Last match of the Group Stage, and Colombia’s top entrant – Atletico Nacional – leads the Group.  Chile’s second team in (and likely best, really) are just two points back and tied with another club.  To further thicken the soup, the last-place team still isn’t out of it at two more points back.

Atletico are the only team with a positive goal differential here.  They come out of the stronger league and soccer country, are likely favored by a goal.   (8:30 PM, Fox Deportes)

Noobstradamus Sees:   …that Atletico has lost two straight between CL and league play, are having trouble scoring.  That’s never a problem for Colo-Colo.  Visitors win 0-2!

RESULT:   0-0     Both clubs advance to the Knockout Stage.  3rd-place Bolivar won today and tied Colo-Colo on points in the table, but they were going to need a much bigger margin of victory today to catch up on GD.

  1. Wolfsburg vs. Lyon – UEFA women’s Champions League

The Final, in Kiev!

Wolfsburg hasn’t lost since November.  Noob didn’t easily find the last time Lyon lost a match.  They’re the three-time defending champs.  Until they lose, put your euros on the French ladies.  Wait, that came out wrong…

RESULT:   1-4   Lyon     Congrats to the champs!    It was a weird and then very wild match.  No one scored in regulation.  Then Wolfsburg scored at 93′.  And then Lyon went OFF.

Image result for Kiev funny

 

 

So long from Kiev!

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Saturday (5/12) – MLS, top UEFA league’s drama, and more FA Cup Finals!

The ten most important matches for us – the newish American fans of the global game – brook no nonsense (ok, maybe a little nonsense…) on the weekends.  There’s hardware to be passed out today, so let’s dive in.

  1. Columbus Crew vs. Chicago Fire – MLS

Noob originally had Dallas and LA Galaxy for the top game today, but it’s a save over the crossbar!  Correct best game identified.

Columbus are #4 in the Eastern Conference, have seemingly righted their ship.  They lost three straight matches before this unbeaten streak of four.  Chicago are having trouble on offense.  Four assists out of their aged Euro-star Bastian Schweinsteiger isn’t bad, but he’s stuck on one goal for the season.   (7:30 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 6)

Noobstradamus Sees:   Columbus 1-0 on an early goal.   Columbus doesn’t score much, either, but they’re tied for the conference lead in goal defense.

RESULT:   Columbus 3-0

Image result for bastian schweinsteiger mls funny

 

 

Do you have a question, Bastian?   Noob’s spot-on.

B.  Portland Thorns vs. Orlando Pride – NWSL

Orlando have won four in a row!  That’s pushed them to 5th place, but Noob thinks the soccer gods are lulling them into a false sense of accomplishment.    (3:30 PM, Lifetime)

Noobstradamus Sees:   …#4 Portland repeating their 2-1 home win from earlier this season versus the Pride.  Down with cities built on swamps!

RESULT:   Orlando   1-2

Image result for letter B thorns

 

 

Number B – menacing with a thorny look

  1. Middlesbrough vs. Aston Villa – English Championship

The battle is on to determine which of the #3-6 clubs will get the third and final Promotion into Premier League for next season!  This is the first leg of a semifinal between, as you might imagine, two very even sides.

Noobstrdamus Sees:   1-1.  Saving the real drama for the return leg at Aston Villa.

RESULT:   Aston Villa 0-1

  1. 1899 Hoffenheim vs. Borussia Dortmund – Bundesliga

This is the last weekend of matches in Germany!  Reminder:  Four Champions League berths for this league.

#3 Dortmund are all but guaranteed one now, as they lead #4’s Hoffenheim and Leverkusen by three points each.  Might explain why they lost to lowly Mainz at home last match.

Hoffenheim is hoping their hosts today will be sleeping again.  Leverkusen play at home against also-ran Hannover today.   (9:30 AM, KTBC)

Noobstradamus Sees:   Hoffenheim 2-0, leaving Leverkusen having to utterly blowout Hannover to pass them.

RESULT:   Hoffenheim   3-1

Image result for soccer sleeping

 

 

He’s even in a yellow BVB jersey, see?

  1. AS Monaco vs. St. Etienne – Ligue 1

Monaco are tied for 3rd place and the final CL slot for France.  But they’ve got this and one more match to play, whereas their peer Marseille are down to just one.

St. Etienne may be #6 and fighting to hold onto their Europa League slot, but there’s a massive gulf in ability between the league’s top four and everyone else.   (3:00 PM, TV5MONDE)

Noobstradamus Sees:   …Monaco leaving nothing to chance.  5-1.

RESULT:   1-0

  1. Inter Milan vs. Sassuolo – Serie A

With two matches to go in Italy, it’s Inter who are losing the game of musical chairs.  They’re in 5th, two points out of 4th and the final CL spot.  They have a possibly sneaky-tough matchup today as #12 Sassuolo have only lost once since mid-March.

Noobstradamus Sees:   …that the competition Sassy-pants have been playing of late is decidedly not the league’s strongest.  Inter 3-0.

RESULT:   Sassuolo   1-2

Image result for sassy italian

 

Snausages!

Noob neither has nor needs any reason.

  1. Galatasaray vs. Yeni Malatyaspor – Turkey Super Lig

Hiccup Watch game.  Y.M. are 10th place, should be fodder for tied-for-1st Galatasaray.

Noobstradamus Sees:   …Galatasaray – who have two matches left to just one for co-#1 Istanbul Basaksehir – not giving up that advantage.  4-1.

RESULT:   Galatasaray   2-0

  1. AEK Athens vs. PAOK – Greek Cup

The Final!  Athens get to host, no neutral site business here.  And it’s the league #1 vs. #B, as is good, right, and proper.   (1:30 PM, Antenna 20 Years)

Noobstradamus Sees:   Massive fires in Athens, a couple of maimings… it’s Greece!   Oh, and PAOK gets the upset, 1-1, then taking it in PK’s.  So make that several maimings.

RESULT:   PAOK   0-2

Image result for noobstradamus

 

 

Hold up.   Did someone say snausages?   Yummaaaay.

  1. HJK vs. FC Inter – Finnish Cup

Another Final!   This one shouldn’t be dramatic, truth be told.  HJK Helsinki are the league defending champions.  FC Inter are a bottom-half club who achieved nicely by getting to this match.

Noobstradamus Sees:   HJK 11-1.

  1. Sporting Cristal vs. Huancayo – Peru Premier

Let’s end the Track with one more Final!   This is the championship for the Verano (first of three regular season stages).  Cristal earned a 1-1 draw on the first leg of this two-match tie.  They are likely considered a full goal-better than Huancayo on their own pitch.   (9:30 PM, Peru Magico)

Noobstrdamus Sees:  …that funny things happen in footyball!  2-2 today, then the visitors take the title in penalty kicks.

RESULT:   Cristal 1-0     chamPEENS!

Image result for peru funny

 

So long from Peru–  from Noob and controversial Peruvian TV character “Peasant Jacinta”!

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Saturday (4/21) – MLS, UEFA leagues, bad Zlatan-wear

The ten most important matches for us, the newish American fans.  Things go from important to absolutely paramount in Europe when the seasons are hitting their climaxes.

Before we get to those – ‘Muricuh!

  1. L.A. Galaxy vs. Atlanta United – MLS

What a different a year can make!   The talk if the league is the Galaxy’s signing of international megastar striker Zlatan Ibrahimovich, but it’s actually their defense that has that #B in the West.

Atlanta United will test that defense.  They’re #3 in the tougher Eastern Conference.  The game kicks off 9:00 PM Eastern on NBA League Pass 6.

RESULT:   ATL   0-2

Image result for zlatan odd

 

 

Now that he’s in L.A., I guess he can stop wearing crazy lady’s gift sweater.

B.  Columbus Crew vs. New England Revolution – MLS

Your Major League Soccer undercard pits the #4 team in the East against #3.  The Revs have improved their defense after missing the playoffs last season.  They’d been on quite a roll until getting skunked at home by Dallas.

Columbus have been skunkier though, not scoring in consecutive matches and losing three straight.  But they’ve been creating chances, getting a little unlikely hitting wood repeatedly.  Noob strongly feels the Crew will right their ship today.   (7:30 PM, NBA League Pass 7)

RESULT:   2-2

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Number B, about to learn a hard lesson about skunkiness.

  1. North Carolina Courage vs. Utah Royals – NWSL

The good news for expansion Utah – they’ve only allowed two goals in three matches.  The bad news – they’ve only scored once.  The worse news – they travel to defending regular season champions Courage today.   (3:30 PM, Lifetime)

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Necaxa vs. UANL Tigres – Liga MX

Tigres are tied for 3rd with just three Clausura (second half-season) matches to go, but they have yet to secure a top-eight, postseason Liguilla spot.  Tigres are part of a three-way tie for 9th place, just a point shy of 8th.

Neither team gives up many goals.  If you like defense, this one is available to ogle at 10:00 PM on ESPN Deportes.

RESULT:   1-1

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The Mexican Hornet Defense.

Really, it’s called that.

  1. Manchester United vs. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur – FA Cup

Noob-reviled, traitorously-named Hotspur face off against Man Utd in the Semifunal, at Wembley (neutral). Man U’s  slight edge on defense  should make them a winner today.  (12:15 PM, Fox Deportes)

RESULT:   Man U   2-1

  1. Barcelona vs. Sevilla – Copa del Rey

It’s the Final!  Sevilla have had a tremendous run in Spain’s FA Cup, especially given that they’re only in 7th in La Liga.  That run ends today in Madrid, and won’t end well for them.  Barcelona have yet to lose a league match all year.  Barca by two feels right.   (3:30 PM, ESPNEWS)

RESULT:   Barca   5-0

Image result for copa del rey trophy 2018

  1. RB Leipzig vs. 1899 Hoffenheim – Bundesliga

With four matches to go, that is also the number of points by which Leipzig trail 4th place Borussia Dortmund for the league’s last Champions League invite.  Hoffenheim (and Frankfurt) in turn only trail Leipzig by a point.

Leipzig are hardly falling apart, but Hoffenheim are peaking at the perfect time.  They’ve not lost in seven straight matches.  If they can push the ball today, a pivotal road win should be in their grasp.   (9:30 AM, Fox Soccer Plus)

RESULT:   Hoffenheim   2-5     Hoffenheim move into 5th

  1. SPAL 2013 vs. AS Roma – Serie A

Roma, Lazio, and Inter – one’s not going to Champions League.  The race for the last two of the four CL slot Italy is tight and then some.  Roma and Lazio are tied, with Inter lurking just a point behind.

SPAL are only one slot above the Relegation Zone, so they are not without a reason to fight.  They can’t score in general, and they’re unlikely to against defensive juggernaut Roma.   (9:00 AM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:  Roma 0-3

Image result for SPAL meme

 

 

Meaning?  No clue.

Terrified?  You betcha.

  1. Shakhtar Donetsk vs. Vorskla – Ukraine Premier

This the #8 league in Europe, a real rising power, getting two CL berths this year.  They’ve replaced Poland as Noob’s under-the-radar league to watch.

Shakhtar are the goal-scoring giant here.  Vorskla are in 3rd, and have overachieved in getting there.  They won’t score today, get run roughshod over.

RESULT:   S.D.   4-2

  1. Phoenix Rising vs. Swope Park Rangers – USL

Noob loves him some second-tier footyball.  On the weekend, though, usually their matches give way to top-flight leagues.  I’d scouted a sweet UAE match with which to finish today’s Track, but Al Nasr has since fallen out of the top quarter of their league table.  Denied!

These both made the playoffs last year.  Just a handful of games into this season, they’re in position again.  That said, Rangers appear to have fallen off defensively.  A lot.  Noobstradamus says Phoenix’s offensive will finally break out, net them a 3-1 win today.

RESULT:   2-2

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Phoenix Rising are about to get hot.  But it’ll be a dry heat.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Tuesday, 4/3 – Champions Leagues galore

Midweek schedules are all about the Cups, and this one is going to be a humdinger.   Champions Leagues on three continents are repped today

0.  Toronto vs. CF America – CONCACAF Champions League (posted day of, edit)

Noob truly lives up to his name.  I knew this match was today, but inadvertently deleted it from some notes.  Mea culpa, Noobites.

Toronto would be doing well to even get a draw at home against CFA.  I;ll be pulling for the Canadiaian club, sure, but going to Mexico tied with a puncher’s chance of winning and moving on to the tournament Final would be cool.  (8:00 PM Eastern, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Toronto   3-1

  1.  Juventus vs. Real Madrid – UEFA Champions League

Juve haven’t loss a match in any competition since last November.  Still, the Serie A title race has been and remains close.  So it will be interesting to see how much they have in the tank for this first leg-Quarterfinal match.

Real Madrid might be in better shape.   They’re in 3rd in La Liga now, have opened up a huge gap between themselves and any challengers for one of the league’s four Champions league slots for next year (and have no shot at 1st).  It’s easier to imagine they’ve paced themselves in preparation for a title run here.  (2:45 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   Real   0-3     Noob posted in multiple places on the Tweeterbox(@SoccerNoobUSA) that Real would win 0-6.  Half right!

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B.  Sevilla vs. Bayern Munich – UEFA Champions League

Did you watch Bayern throttle Borussia Dortmund 6-0 this weekend?  Dortmund’s near the top of the Bundesliga table.  Bayern will lay waste to Sevilla, who aren’t much about average in La Liga this year.   (2:45 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   Bayern   1-2

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German Gothic font, Number B – so edgy

  1. Libertad vs. The Strongest – Copa Libertadores

These two each won their first and only game of the Group Stage so far in South America’s Champions League.  The Paraguayan home side is better on paper.  Will the power of Bolivia’s super-douchey club name carry them through?  Here’s to hoping not.

RESULT:   Libertad   3-0

  1. Universidad de Chile vs. Racing Club – Copa Libertadores

The top two from each group of four will advance to the Knockout Stage.  These two also won their first Group matches.  Argentina’s Racing Club is the most accomplished of these four featured today.  UdC would be doing well to get a draw, even at home.

RESULT:   1-1

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Back in ’67, Racing Club stars had hot dog thighs.

  1. Al-Garrafa vs. Al-Jazira – AFC Champions League

They’ve played four of the six matches of the Group Stage in Asia.  The top two from each four will advance to the Knockout Stage.  These two are tied for #B.  Al-Jazira (UAE) won the first match with Garrafa (Qatar) 3-2.

RESULT:   Al-Jazira   2-3     High drama!   Someone for Garrafa got a second yellow (and so a red, and booted) in the 90′.  Then someone from Al-Jazira got the go-ahead goal that same minute.

  1. Crusaders vs. Coleraine – Northern Ireland Premier

This league is a two-horse race, and these are the steeds, heading down the home stretch.  Only one can advance from here to next year’s Champions League.  Crusaders lead by two points.  Best offense vs. best defense.  A win here at home and they can perhaps begin chilling the champagne.

RESULT:   1-1

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Umm…

  1. Gornick Zabrze vs. Legia Warsaw – Poland FA Cup

This is the first leg of a Semifinal, pitting the 4th and 3rd-place top-league teams.  Zabrze can score in bunches, should head to Warsaw with a lead in the tie.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Gorica vs. Aluminij – Slovenia FA Cup

This is also the first leg of a Semfinal.  Aluminij could be forgiven for not putting all their eggs in this basket, as they’re only one slot above having to play in the league’s the Relegation Playout.  Gorica are a middling, 6th-place side.

RESULT:   Aluminij   1-2

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Umm, Part Two…

  1. Ruzomberok vs. Zilina – Slovakia FA Cup

Not even sure if this is a one-off or a two-legged tie.  But it is a Semifinal.  These are the 6th and 4th-place teams form the country’s top league.

RESULT:   Ruzomberok   2-1

  1. Debrecen vs. Budapest Honved – Hungary FA Cup

4th and 5th-place teams from Hungary’s top-flight league.  This is the second match of a two-legged Quarterfinal tie.  Leg One went scoreless.

RESULT:   Debrecen   3-1

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Debrecen – come for the footyball, stick around for the Bela Bartok Choir Competition

’10 to Track’ soccer matches Weekend Edition! Premier, MLS, all the best – plus new league coverage announcement

Hitting the hinterlands of world footyball yesterday was a dream, as always.  But weekends are where T2T gets (comparatively) serious.

Don’t miss the Sunday new league coverage announcement.  It’s gonna be!– well, it’s gonna be content.

Saturday, 3/31

  1. Chicago Fire vs. Portland Timbers – MLS

Both clubs have lost both their games this early season.  Last year, they finished 3rd and 6th in the Western Conference.  (Chicago has been moved into the East now.)  Both teams struggled on defense, at least when compared to other playoff teams.  (6:00 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 6).

RESULT:   2-2

 

Portland- Basilisk’s iconic fried chicken sammich.  

Nice work!  Chicago deep dish still wins.

B.  Chicago Red Stars vs. Portland Thorns – NWSL

Double-header in Bridgeview, IL!   At least Noob assumes both are hosting on their same home pitch.  The 8:15 PM start time for this match suggests it.  These two finished in 4th and 2nd, respectively, last year.

RESULT:   Portland   2-3

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Can’t hedge!   You’re either into boring old Number Two or down with Number B.

  1. Paris Saint-Germain vs. AS Monaco – Coupe de la League

The Final!   This is not the FA Cup, but rather a tournament open to pro clubs in just the top three divisions in France.  Given that PSG has demolished all of Ligue 1 this year, Noob wonders if league #B Monaco will be revved up to snatch some hardware away from PSG.

RESULT:   PSG   3-0

  1. Bayern Munich vs. Borussia Dortmund – Bundesliga

1st place is out of reach for 3rd-place Dortmund, so maintaining their top-four place in the table and getting a Champions League invite is the goal.  They’d love even a draw against champ-in-waiting Bayern.  (12:30 PM, Fox Deportes)

RESULT:   Bayern   6-0     not a typo.   this was a terrible, awesome rout

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Those masks won’t help you hide from Bayern.   

BVB on your shirts, fellas.

  1. Juventus vs. AC Milan – Serie A

Milan is five points out of 4th place and the last Champions League berth.  1st-place Juventus has only lost twice all year, yet only lead Napoli by two points.

This is a bad matchup for Milan, as they have trouble scoring and Juve has the league’s best defense.  This may well be the world’s most important match this weekend.  (2:45 PM, Rai Italia)

RESULT:   Juve    3-1

  1. Sevilla vs. Barcelona – La Liga

Sevilla does not have a realistic shot of cracking the top four, but they are in line for a Europa League invite, being in 6th place.  7th will get in as well this year, but even that is not guaranteed for Sevilla.  Lots of teams are in the hunt.  Barcelona are undefeated, the best team in the world.  (2:45 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   2-2

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6th place could win this dartboard and pool table.  And longer pool table?…

  1. Ljubljana vs. Maribor – Slovenia Prva Liga

[loo-blee-ah-nuh] have almost wrapped up the league title.  It’s hard to say historic powerhouse #B Maribor is ever quite completely out of it, but they are ten points back.  This league is only the 30th-strongest in Europa, but Noob is always down for matchups from the very top of tables.

RESULT:   1-1

Sunday, 4/1

**Soon, Noob’s exclusive coverage of the Isle of Sodor Premier League will begin!   Sudric football has been loosely organized at best.  Until now, with the formation of their FA.**

The Island of Sodor with it's hypothetical location in the UK (From Thomas the Tank Engine/Thomas and Friends) [OS] [5526x3175]

  1. Chelsea vs. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur – English Premier

The only important drama left in Premier’s top of the table is right here.  5th place hosts 4th, a battle for the league’s final Champions League spot next year.   With just eight matches to go, it’s not quite a must-win for Chelsea at five points back.  But they sure as shite can’t lose.

So, c’mon, Chelsea.  Don’t let the traitorously-named Hotspur get the best of you.  Ramp up the so-so offense a bit and take these ne’er-do-wells down!  (11:00 AM, NBCSN)

RESULT:   Hotspur   1-3

  1. UNAM Pumas vs. Necaxa – Liga MX

9th vs. 10th doesn’t look intriguing at a glance.  But remember:  the top eight clubs make the Liguilla, the postseason league tournament.

Noobstrdamus has access to the soccer alternate planes, has learned Necaxa will score the road upset today.  It couldn’t be that I read Pumas can’t play D at all.   It’s the first thing.  *nod*

RESULT:   1-1    Prognostication fail.  In fact, Pumas played most of the second half a man down.

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I once tamed a wild puma with just my headband.

  1. Boca Juniors vs. Talleres – Argentina Premier

Finishing off the Track in style, as Noob is wont to do!   #1 hosts #B in Argentina’s astounding 28-club deep league.  Best offense versus best defense.   Pirate yourself an interwebs stream of this one somewhere.

RESULT:   Boca Juniors   2-1      Juniors get the go-ahead goal at 90′, open up a huge -9- point lead in the table.

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See?  It’s a good idea.

 

’10 to Track’ soccer matches- Weekend Edition – Premier League, MLS, all the finest

The ten most important matches for the newish North American fan to follow.  Our quest is noble.

  1. Chicago Fire vs. Sporting Kansas City – MLS

The Fire placed 3rd in the Eastern Division last season, and unless team make-up has changed a lot, they will play things wiiiiiide open.  KC finished 5th in the weaker Western.

The Management has strong KC ties.   Noob has yet to decide if he will openly root against The Management’s teams on principle, cheer along with him (Unlikely!), or modestly heckle.  For today, I’ll just say this:  If Chicago score first, KC will get routed.  (6:00 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 6)

RESULT:   3-4    KC     (KC scored first)

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Apparently, Noob’s late to this party.

B.  Tigres UANL vs. Tijuana – Liga MX

Noob loves Liga MX more and more each passing day.  They play about the same number of games as other premier leagues (34), but when the season is divided into two separate halves, every game means so much more.

They’re 10 games into the Clausura (second half-season), and things are tight as a tick in the table.  Only eight points separate 1st from 13th.  These two are 5th and 7th.  Top eight will get to play in the postseason Liguilla.

The hosts have some trouble on the defensive side of things, but that makes this a good matchup for them.  Tijuana apparently just like to kick the ball as high as they can all game long.  Only 16 goals have been scored in their 10 matches.   (8:00 PM, ESPN Deportes, Univision)

RESULT:   Tigres   1-0

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Number B is so ready.

  1. Manchester United vs. Liverpool – English Premier

At #B and #3, both these clubs are looking safe for a top four-finish and invites to the Champions League.  Man Utd. like a lower-scoring game, at least compared to other top clubs.  Noob looks for 1-0 Red Devils win.

RESULT:   Man Utd.    2-1

  1. Sevilla vs. Valencia – La Liga

Spain’s top-flight league gets four Champions League invites, and Valencia seem set for that 4th.  They’re six points up on 5th-place Sevilla.  They need more than a draw.  Anything but a win and they’ll for certain be settling for Europa League.

RESULT:   Valencia   0-2

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Layers of confusion.

 

 

Sunday, 3/11

  1. Atlanta United vs. D.C. United – MLS

What a treeee-mendous first season Atlanta had!   4th place in the brutally tough East.  Pretty much filling up the lower bowl at the NFL Falcons’ home stadium.  Just think where they might be in a few years.

Hopefully someplace good.  Unlike long-timers D.C. United.  They crapped the bed to a dismal last-place finish.   (3:00 PM Eastern, ESPN)

RESULT:   Atlanta   3-1     The Capitol-crapping continues

  1. Borussia Dortmund vs. Eintracht Frankfurt – Bundesliga

Likely the most important game on the globe this weekend.  League titles mean a lot, but those seem to be decided for most of the big Euro leagues.  Getting to Champions League is what counts.

These two are tied for 3rd, and three more teams lurk no more than three points behind them.  American superstar Christian Pulisic and Dortmond will be looking to make this a battle of offense today.  Frankfurt won’t be able to keep up.   (1:00 PM, FS2, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Dortmund   3-2      High drama!  Frankfurt gets the equalizer a minute into stoppage time, then Dortmund gets the winner at 90+5.

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They grow up SO fast!

  1. Inter Milan vs. Napoli – Serie A

If the above is most important, it’s #7 here giving them a run.

Napoli lead the Italian league by a point, but they’ve also played one more game than #B Juventus.  Inter are just one point behind Lazio for the league’s last Champions League berth.  They play the same defense, but Napoli score half again as often.   (3:45 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Rangers vs. Celtic – Scottish Premiership

The sand is running out of the glass on Rangers.  They’re just six points behind Celtic for 1st (and the league’s only C.L. spot), but few other teams have the capability to beat Celtic.  They’ll only face off one more time after today.  Realistically, Rangers have to have a win and three points here.

RESULT:   2-3   Celtic

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Wait, those can’t be Scottish.  They look edible.

  1. Jorge WIlstermann vs. Bolivar – Bolivia Premier

This is the Apertura (first half-season), and oh my have they changed formats.  While the Clausura will still be played under a more typical round-robin system, right now they league is split into two groups of seven.  The top four from each group will advance to a Knockout tournament.

Aaaaanyway.  These two are tied for 1st in their Group.

RESULT:   JW   4-2

  1. PAOK vs. AEK Athens – Superleague Greece

#2 hosts #1!   Just what’s needed – added pressure.  PAOK fans will fight just about anywhere, anytime as is.  The club has already had two points in the table deducted for hooligan fans.  They’re five behind AEK.

RESULT:   0-0      Best of all, Noob heard of no fan maimings

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Actual photo from fighting before a PAOK-AEK game.   

We should NEVER have sent Greece those Karate Kid VHS tapes.