’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Globetrotting Friday (6/1) – MLS, World Cup pre-matches lead the way

TGIGF!

The ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game – spans the globe once again!  As always, we start close to home, then jetset off for important matches worldwide, plus find some hinterland footyball action in some corner of the globe.

  1. Colorado Rapids vs. Vancouver Whitecaps – MLS

Colorado are in last place in the West.   The issue isn’t their goalkeeping, as they have one of the all-time American greats in backstop Tim Howard.  They just can’t score.  They’re not Seattle Sounders-bad on offense, but not at all good.

Vancouver sits in 7th, just outside the playoff picture.   They may be about to get starting goalkeeper – New Zealander Stefan Marinovic – back from a knee injury that’s kept him out nearly all of May.  Backup Brian Rowe has been a disaster.   (9:00 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 6, Altitude Sports)

RESULT   Vancouver   1-2

Image result for stefan marinovic whitecaps injury

 

 

We know, Stefan.  May’s been tough to watch.

B.  RoPS vs. HJK – Finland Veikkausliga

Defending league champs and #1 visits #B in match Number B.    This is how it should be.  if you enjoy European soccer, get to know the Laplandic leagues.  They’re going to be some of our main summer fare.  You know, outside World Cup, of course.

Fun Fact:   RoPS is infamous for its relatively recent history of being involved in match-fixing.  Some Singaporean jerk-o actually got two years in prison.

RESULT:   HJK   1-2

Image result for Finnish letter B

Number B, hanging out on the skin of Finnish fighter plane.

  1. Cork City vs. Waterford – League of Ireland Premier

Waterford had a brilliant and surprising start to their season, but are falling back from the top two now.  They did beat 4th-place Derry City in their most recent match.  But a week ago against the second-to-last club…Noob must express himself in rhyme.

Waterford lost to Limerick/ by a score to make anyone sick/ 3-6 at their place/ cover your face!/ Maybe poetry isn’t Noob’s shtik…

Fun Fact:  Waterford’s name seems redundant, but the first part actually comes from an Old Norse word for “ram”.

RESULT:   Cork   3-0

  1. France vs. Italy – friendly

You think the ‘Muricuhns are upset about missing out on the World Cup for the first time since 1986?  The Italians are having what will be a summer-long conniption.  They invented football.  The French side has looked good in wins against Russia and Ireland, both sides of the ball.   (3:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   3-1

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You would do well to embrace your pain, young one.

  1. Australia vs. Czech Republic – friendly

Australia are headed to WC, and this is a good match for them.  It won’t prepare them for the level of competition they’ll face most of the time in Russia, but they’re both ranked in the 40’s by FIFA.  Good competition that won’t overwhelm them.

RESULT:   Australia   4-0

  1. Tunisia vs. Turkey – friendly

Noob thought Egypt was up there, but Cup-bound Tunisia is far and away the best-ranked national side in Europe (#14).  They haven’t lost a match since at least last June, and eked out a draw a few days ago against a really strong Portugal side (ranked #4).  Turkey are #37.

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for Tunisia abandoned Star Wars

 

 

Forgiveness will be long in coming over your abandonment of Star Wars sets, Tunisia.

  1. Egypt vs. Colombia – friendly

Speak of the devil!  Egypt is also heading to Russia, but they haven’t performed that well of late.  Just a week ago, they only managed a draw against Kuwait.  Kuwait!   FIFA-#146, exactly 100 spots lower.

Colombia are pretty average for a South American team, but still top-20 worldwide.  They won’t be facing a particularly tough Group to start at World Cup.  And they just notched an impressive win over France.  Expectations are rising.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. South Korea vs. Bosnia and Herzegovina – friendly

South Korea will have a much tougher time when WC play starts.  Germany, Mexico, even Sweden are all of a much higher quality.  B&H are about on par with Sweden, so this will give S.K. a taste of what they’ll face on the lower end.

RESULT:   B&H   1-3

Image result for South Korea trouble funny

 

 

 

 

Psy is more excited about this than his national team.

  1. Botswana vs. Mauritius – COSAFA Cup

Reminder:  This is a tournament for nations in southern Africa being hosted in South Africa.  The top six ranked participating teams got byes into the quarterfinals.  The other eight have been competing in two Groups of four each.  The two winners will advance.

Botswana lead their Group by a point over Mauritius and Angola as they all head into their third and final match of this stage.  Malawi was the highest-ranked of these four coming in, but they are out of the mix.

RESULT:   6-0

  1. US Forces Armees vs. Etoile Filante – Burkina Faso Premier

What Globetrotting Friday would be complete without heading off to at least one exotic locale for a league match?  This is not one of Africa’s better national leagues, but who cares!  Heading into the weekend, we’re about learning here.

AS Fonctionnaires have already wrapped up the title with two matches to go.  But the battle for #B is as tight as they come!   Etoile Filante lead two teams by just a point in the table and then two more by two points.  USFA is one of the latter.  Filante play the league’s best D.  USFA score well, but play no D at all just about.  Pace control decides this one today.

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for polokwane funny

 

So long from Polokwane, South Africa!

Home of the best ideas ever…

’10 to Track’ soccer matches Midweek Edition (5/29-31) – Top American leagues, World Cup calisthenics

The American league seasons are at about there 1/3 marks, things starting to feel more pressured.  National teams are warming up for the World Cup.  It’s going to be an extraordinary soccer summer!

The ten best matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.  Perfect little previews, more than a little inanity – stroke them like a villain would his cat.  *purr*

(Note:  Enjoy Thursday off.  Play some ping pong or something.)

Tuesday, 5/29

  1. Portland Thorns vs. North Carolina Courage – NWSL

Jessica McDonald.  Crystal Alyssia Dunn.   Even at home, good luck stopping this high-scoring duo, Thorns.  They’ve got four goals apiece, which ties them both for 3rd in the league after ten matches.  NCC haven’t lost because no one can stop both.

Portland sit in in 4th place, and have won two straight matches.  But those wins have come against expansion Utah and lowly Houston.  Today is more than a step up in level.

RESULT:   NC   1-4

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“We are still undefeated and we are going OUT!”

B.  Real Monarchs SLC vs. Sacramento Republic – USL

The Western Conference and league leader hosts #4 Sacramento in your American undercard today.  RMSLC had won four in a row before losing to #B Portland II in their last match.

Sacramento have won two in a row.  The Republic may well be a playoff-caliber team, but Noob thinks they’ve overachieved to this point, have weaknesses on both sides of the ball that will cost them big today.

RESULT:   Monarchs   1-0

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Number B, consoling a young Sacramento fan.

  1. Panama vs. Northern Ireland – friendly

You might recall that it was Panama that claimed the final CONCACAF berth into World Cup ahead of ‘Muricuh.  They are the ranked just the 55th-best men’s national team in the world, and Panama is the smallest country by population to every qualify for WC.

Northern Ireland rank a surprising-to-Noob 27th, so this is a good tuneup match for Panama.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Peru vs. Scotland – friendly

World #11 hosts #44 in Peru’s warmup for WC.  Fans of South American football will be catching this on In Demand PPVHD (unpaid plug, just informational) at 9:00 PM Eastern.

RESULT:   Peru   2-0

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Easy, cowboy!    Trying to get some sponsorship here.

  1. Argentina vs. Haiti – friendly

Srsly, Argentina?  (7:00 PM, beIN Sports)  And you can watch the carnage on the teevee.  Heaven help us.

Argentina, Noob has not picked a rooting interest for World Cup yet.  But if that happens, it won’t be you!  They’re not even in the top 100 in the world.  Pick on someone your own size.   Noob shakes his fist at you!

RESULT:    Argentina   4-0

Wedesnesday, 5/30

  1. New England Revolution vs. Atlanta United – MLS

New England are in 6th, which will be good for the last playoff berth at season’s end.  But there’s more than half the season to go, and the Rev have been fading in May.

Atlanta have lost two of three and fallen into a first-place tie with Columbus in the East.  The losses have come to a good Red Bulls side and the West’s #1 (KC).  But they were home matches.  Noob’s having a tough time reading this bunch.

If Atlanta are to get back into form, look for a big game from forward Josef Martinez.  He was a finalist for Newcomer of the Year in MLS last season.  The 25 year-old Venezuelan has scored eight goals, leads ATL.  Noob wonders if he’d be in a European league if he were more than 5’7”, about 150 lbs.

RESULT:   1-1      Josef Martinez did get a goal.  But the Rev made a penalty kick at 88′ to earn the draw.

Image result for Venezuelan football baby

 

Actual, current photo of Josef Martinez.

The Management:  I’m going to beat you.

*snortlaugh*

  1. Indy Eleven vs. Charleston Battery – USL

Indy Eleven have lost three straight matches.  Two were in the league, and one was to PDSL (fourth-tier) Mississippi Brilla, a Christian ministry team.

3rd-place Charleston haven’t allowed multiple goals in a single game all season.  They will be looking to kick Indy while they’re down, make a move on Cinci and Louisville in the East Division.

RESULT:   3-3    Both teams scored in the 90′.

  1. Austria vs. Russia – friendly

Russia hit the road for a World Cup tuneup.  They’re only the 66th-ranked team in the world, qualify as the host nation.  They are likely to get a tough lesson today in how things will go in the coming weeks.  Austria didn’t qualify for WC, but they’re the far better side, ranked #27 worldwide.

RESULT:   Austria   1-0

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It’s going to be a weird, wild World Cup.

  1. Japan vs. Ghana – friendly

WC warm-up.  Japan qualified, are ranked 60th in the world.  FIFA puts Ghana at 50th.  The visitors today had qualified for World Cup three straight times before missing this year.

RESULT:   Ghana   0-2

  1. Aluminij vs. Olimpija Ljubljana – Slovenia FA Cup

The Final!  Despite being listed second, this match is in Ljubljana.

O.L. won the Prva Liga, tying with Maribor on points, winning the title on head-to-head goals tiebreaker.  Now they play for the double against a weak Aluminij side.  They finished third-to-last in the league, just avoiding Relegation.

RESULT:   Ljubljana   1-6

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So long from Ljubljana!

Where they know how to do stag parties proper…

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Relegation Monday (5/28) – one lump of suckitude, or two?

With the World Cup well under a month away, get ready for an onslaught of national team-tuneups.  But don’t worry, Noobites!  Our Monday tradition of featuring teams about to be possibly Booted from their leagues still holds.

  1. U.S.A. vs. Bolivia – friendly

It’s not part of a tournament, and neither team is headed to the World Cup.  But it’s ‘Muricuh!

The teams are FIFA-ranked #24 and #57, respectively.  Not sure how much that will mean here.  Noob’s understanding is that a lot of young up-and-comers are going to get featured on the U.S. side.  Bolivia may well be doing similarly.  The match is yours at 6:30 PM, Eastern on FS1.

RESULT:   ‘Muricuh!   3-0

Image result for too patriotic

B.  Mexico vs. Wales – friendly

Now this is a World Cup tuneup for Mexico.  Wales was one of the stronger European teams to not qualify.  They are FIFA-ranked #15 and #21.   (9:00 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for letter B whale

 

Number B, the dragon is kind of the Welsh thing.  Not a whale

  1. Gaz Metan Medias vs. Juventus Bucaresti – Romania Liga I

For these two clubs, two matches to go in the Relegation Group in Romania. The bottom two will be auto-Booted.  #12 will get to play a Liga II team trying to displace them.

GMM are in 11th, one point up on Voluntari (who have played one more match already).  They’ve not lost in four consecutive matches, and beat J.B. 0-3 in their last meeting.  There’s no reason to think this one won’t play out much the same.  J.B. are awful, have last place sewn up already.

Fun Fact:   GMM are known as “the black wolves” and “the refinery workers”.  One is definitely cooler than the other, if more dangerous to have out on the pitch in a halftime show.

RESULTL:   GMM   3-0

  1. Poli Timisoara vs. Dinamo Bucaresti – Romania Liga I

Timisoara are in 13th, but could well still climb up to safety.  Hypothetically.  They’re only two points behind Voluntari.  Unfortunately for them, today they play the top team of this Group.  D.B. have won five straight matches, haven’t allowed a goal in the last four.

RESULT:   Dinamo   1-3

Image result for south park timmyFun Fact:   Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld are the halftime show for this match.

The Management:  No…

*bronx cheer*

  1. PSIS vs. Mitra Kukar – Indonesia Liga I

Welcome back, PSIS!   You’ve been featured here before.  Still in last place, Noob sees.  And only averaging one goal per match.  Ouch.  Mitra Kukar are maybe average.  PSIS could get a draw here, Noob suspects.

Fun Fact:   One of the PSIS main supporters groups is named “Snex”.  Which is totally going to mess with Noob’s Scrabble vocabulary.

RESULT:   PSIS   4-0     It’s a Relegation Monday miracle!  They climb into second-to-last place.   (Bottom three finishers will be Demoted.)

Now for some mini-previews of international friendlies —

  1. France vs. Ireland – friendly

France rank #7 worldwide, expect to make the Knockout Stage of the World Cup.  Ireland did not qualify, are ranked #31.   (3:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   France   2-0

  1. Portugal vs. Tunisia – friendly

Both these teams made the WC.  Noob was surprised to discover how highly they’re both ranked, 4th and 14th.  Noob knew Tunisia was one of Africa’s best, but not that well-regarded.

RESULT:   2-2

  1. Italy vs. Saudi Arabia – friendly

Saudi Arabia are the lowest team in the world to have qualified for Russia.  They’re ranked just 67th in the world.  20th-ranked Italy were one of the biggest surprises of the qualifying competition for WC, not getting in.

RESULT:   Italy   2-1

  1. Qabala vs. Kesla – Azerbaijan FA Cup

The Final!   Noob is surprised to not find runaway league-winner Qarabag in this match, but they got knocked out in the Quarterfinals.  League #B Qabala hosts below-average Kesla.  The visitors will do well to keep this within a goal even.

RESULT:   Kesla   0-1     Shocking!  Congrats!

  1. Botswana vs. Angola – COSAFA Cup

This is a tournament put on by the Council of Southern Africa Football Associations, being put on in South Africa.  13 nations are competing.  The strongest five teams have received byes into the Knockout Stage.

This one is a Group Stage match in Polokwane (Pietersberg), the first of three.  Angola carry the higher CAF ranking, but Botswana has already earned enough points to join them in the continental top-18 when next year’s come out.  This should be a very even matchup.

RESULT:   Botswana   2-1

Image result for Polokwane funny

 

 

 

So long from South Africa!

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Sunday (5/27) – MLS and UEFA FA Cups lead the way!

Europe’s biggest club match yesterday did not end football on the continent.  The ten most important matches for us – the newish American fan of the global game – to follow will still include plenty of steamy footyball action from across the pond.

But first, we start with the ‘Muricuhn matches.

  1. Sporting Kansas City vs. Columbus Crew – MLS

The finest American match of the weekend!  Western Conference leader KC gets #3 out of the tougher East.

Columbus haven’t allowed a goal in four consecutive matches.  Goalkeeper Zach Steffen has actually kept six clean sheets on the year.  Yet this may be more due to his back line than his own prowess.  His save percentage is good but not great compared to the rest of the league.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for Saved by the Bell Zack soccer

 

 

 

 

Noob wanted a Zack Steffen image…

B.  Houston Dash vs. Washington Spirit – NWSL

These are not two of the stronger teams in the women’s league, but it’s early enough in the season still to conceive at least that one or both could make a push toward the top half of the table and Playoffs.

Houston are in 7th, having just notched a very solid win at home against Seattle.  Washington finally got off a three-game losing skid with a win.  Sure, it was against last-place Sky Blue FC, but three points are three points.

RESULT:   Houston   2-0

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Number B, showing support for the Spirit.

  1. New York Red Bulls II vs. Indy Eleven – USL

It’s never too early to start talking Playoff implications!  These two are in 8th and 7th place, respectively, and the top eight from each conference make the postseason.

In Indy’s nine league matches, there have only been 15 goals scored.  By everyone.

RESULT:   RB II   4-1

  1. Univeritatea Craiova vs. Hermannstadt – Romanian FA Cup

The Final, and we get a Minnow in Bucharest (neutral site)!

Hermannstadt are in Liga II, where they finished #B and earned auto-promotion to Liga I for next season.  It’s all the more impressive a feat given that they were just promoted up from Liga III this last year.   They were founded in 2015.  Maybe they should’ve been allowed to start in the top-flight to begin with.

Craioiva won’t intimidate them, either.  They finished 3rd in Liga I.  The Fighting Hermannators already whupped the #B finisher 3-0 en route to this Final.

RESULT:   Craiova   2-0     Hail, Cup cham-PEENS

Image result for hermanator

 

 

Apparently “Hermanator” is already taken.   Mea culpa.

  1. Guastatoya vs. Xelaju – Guatemala National League

Another Final!  This one is to determine the champion of the Clausura (second half-season).  The first leg ended in a draw.

Noob’s not 100% sure where this is being played, but probably the tie is set up as a home-and-home.  Guastatoya finished 3rd in the regular season, riding a premium defense.  Xelaju were very average, but appear to be peaking at the perfect time.

RESULT:   Guastatoya   2-0       Clausura winners!

  1. Zurich vs. Young Boys – Swiss FA Cup

Final me again!

This one gets hosted on YB’s home pitch in Bern.  They ran away with the league title this year and appear poised to take the double.  Zurich can’t score nearly enough to take home the trophy.  YB also won the last two league matches between these two.

RESULT:   Zurich   2-1     Surprise, surprise!

Image result for feel the bern switzerland

 

 

Young Boys of Bern — 

meet Old Man Bern.

  1. Bayern Munich vs. Wolfsburg – women’s Bundesliga

#B vs. #1!   Much respect.

Wolfsburg just lost in the UEFA women’s Champions League final to four-time defending champion Lyon 1-4.  There’s not a lot of parity in women’s football on the biggest stages it seems.

Wolfsburg are eight points up on Bayern after 20 league matches.  Still, it’s in Munich today, and the home team knows this is must-win if they want to make a title push.

RESULT:   Bayern   2-1

  1. Albirex Niigata vs. Balestier Khalsa – Singapore S.League

Can’t get enough of your love, double i’s!   Your symmetry, the feel that your dots are eyes looking at Noob.  Into Noob.  My soul is laid bare to you.  Noob’s completely vulnerable and does not care.

The Management:  *cough cough*

Right!   Time and a place.   Forgot.  Thanks, chief.

#1 hosts #B in what is still a total mismatch.  It always is for Niigata.  They’re 9-0-0 and have more than double the number of points in the table as BK.  Funny thing is, since Niigata is actually the youth squad for a Japanese second-tier club, they’re not eligible for the league’s slot in the AFC Champions League.

RESULT:   Niigata   5-0

Image result for pope john paul ii funny pictures

 

 

 

Double i’s are a gift from God

  1. Rosenborg vs. Brann – Norway Eliteserien

It’s the “Two Scoops Darby”.   Yep, Noob went there.   Rosen-Brann rivalry.   And no, I won’t apologize.  And they’re #1 and #B, so the match is here and it’s staying.

RESULT:   1-2

  1. Toulouse vs. AC Ajaccio – Ligues 1 and 2

Noob’s almost afraid to post anything about AC Ajaccio.

This is the second match of a two-legged tie between Ligue 1 18th-place Toulouse and winner of Ligue 2’s Promotion Playoffs.  There, the top two teams were automatically promoted for next season.  The 3rd-6th place clubs competed in the P.P. and ACA were the last ones standing.  But oh did the poop hit the fan in that Final…

In the P.P. final, ACA and Le Havre each at two players sent off with red cards.  Sanctioning of some sort would certainly come.  After losing in penalty kicks, Le Havre complained they should be awarded the win because one of the ACA player who was kicked out returned to the sidelines.  (He didn’t re-enter the match, so was meritless.)

The runny icing on this rancid cake was that later, ACA supporters attacked the Le Havre team bus.  The sanctioning from France’s governing football body ended up being that the first leg against Toulouse would be played at a neutral site behind closed doors instead of at ACA’s stadium on Corsica.

Toulouse won that match 0-3.  They host the second leg.  You’d better believe French officials are praying Toulouse makes that big lead stand up.  No way they want those ACA assclowns in the top flight.

RESULT:   Toulouse   1-0    And so the victors remain in Ligue 1

Image result for Toulouse violence

 

So long from Toulouse!

(Maybe nowhere in France is safe from rioting numbskulls.)

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Saturday (5/26) – UEFA Champions League final is upon us!

It’s practically a holiday in much of the world  – UEFA Champions League Final-day!

The ten most important matches for us – the newish American fans of the global game – to follow still includes nine other games worthy of your ogling, Noobites.  Let your gaze wander over them all.

  1. Real Madrid vs. Liverpool – UEFA Champions League

To see Noob’s preview of the, prediction and the culinary methodology used, scroll down one post or click here:

http://www.soccernoob.com/2018/05/25/uefa-champions-league-preview-and-surefire-prediction-noob-examines-the-cities-traditional-stews/

RESULT:   Real Madrid    3-1     So much for stew.  Maybe next year we’ll try desserts.

B.  New York Red Bulls vs. Philadelphia Union – MLS

Even after scoring six goals in their last two games, 7th-place Philly has the statistically worst offense in the Eastern Conference.  Yet perhaps they’ve found their stride.  They’ll need everything they can muster against the league’s top offense tonight.

The #4 Red Bulls will likely go after Union defender Mark McKenzie.  He’s just 19 and the weak link of Philadelphia’s back line.

RESULT:   0-0     Noob needs to be careful.  20 seconds into the match, the radio commentators on SiriusXM were saying the exact same thing about McKenzie and the back line.   Noob’s is supposed to be Noob.

Image result for Philly letter B

 

 

Noob was unaware there was such a thing as “Philly Font”.  But there’s Number B in it.

  1. Chicago Red Stars vs. Orlando Pride – NWSL

A Public Service Announcement from The Management:

Friends don’t let friends build cities on swampland.  Go, Chicago.  Down with the silly mice-people of swamp-Orlando.  Thank you for your attention.

If this has been an actual PSA, you wouldn’t have been on this Website.

#5 hosts #4.

RESULT:   Orlando   2-5

  1. Cincinnati vs. Louisville – USL

Cincinnati looks wrong no matter how many N’s or L’s Noob does or doesn’t put into spelling it.   Can we just all agree it should be “Cincinnnattti”?  Three of each on the back end works.  Three is a magic number.

Oh yes, and this match is the current Eastern Conference #1 versus the defending league champion and current division #B.  Louisville doesn’t score much, but they’ve not needed to.  Exquisite defense.

RESULT:   L’ville   0-2

Image result for spelling is hard meme

 

 

 

Hush, Marion.

  1. Aston Villa vs. Fulham – English Championship

Welcome to “The Most Expensive Game in Football”.  A second-division soccer match in England?  Really, Noob?   Yup.

This is the Final of the Promotion Playoffs, determining which club with join the top two finishers in being promoted to Premier League.  Which is worth something like a quarter billion pounds in TV rights-money and such.

Fulham had a slow start to their season before taking off, are likely the superior team.  Aston Villa’s a little tougher on defense, a mite weaker in goal-scoring.

RESULT:   Fulham   0-1     Welcome to the Premier League giant pot of money.

  1. Atletico MG vs. Flamengo – Brazil Serie A

They’re just a half dozen games into the season here, but this is #B hosting #1, and Noob digs it very much.  Flamengo are the only club averaging a full two goals per match.  but Atletico hasn’t lost since their opening match.  This match will be a… what’s Portuguese for “doozie”?

RESULT:   Flamengo   0-1

Image result for portuguese to english dictionary

 

 

“Sua mamãe.“

 

Really?  That doesn’t seem right somehow.

 

  1. Arsenal Sarandi vs. Club Cipolletti – Copa Argentina

The FA Cup in Argentina is now in its Knockout phase, the Round of 64.  Third-tier Minnows Cipolletti meet a Premier division club today, albeit a weak one.

Cipolletti is in Patagonia.  Noob’s young daughter named one of her stuffed penguins Patagonia.  Let us root for them for this arbitrary reason.

RESULT:   Cipolletti   0-0  /  2-3 pk     We’re Adopting Cipolletti!  You did it, Noobites!

  1. Universidad Catolica vs. Antofagasta – Chile Premier

#1 hosts #4 in a league from which three teams will qualify for next year’s Copa Libertadores.  Antofagasta co-lead the league in offense, but UCatolica are best defensively, and it’s not close.

RESULT:   0-0

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Noob may have grown up a Lutheran, but this is…surprising.

  1. AIK vs. Norrkoping – Sweden Allsvenslanliga

Sweden’s top league has nearly now cracked the top 20 in UEFA’s rankings.  #2 hosts #3 here.  AIK barely allow a goal every other game.  Noob doesn’t think Norrkoping has the firepower to take this match on the road.

RESULT:   3-3

  1. Buducnost Podgorica vs. Sutjeska – Montenegro First League

Congratulations Sutjeska!

This is the league’s last match day of the season, and The Blues have a whopping 19-point lead on #B BP.  And not that Podgorica is a slouch by any means.  They have that #B wrapped up already themselves.  MFL is only the 44th-ranked league in UEFA, so they’ll only get Champions League berth.

RESULT:   Sutjeska   2-3

Image result for niksic montenegro funny

So long from Nicsik, Montenegro!

Forget footyball, Noob’s going ‘canyoning’.

UEFA Champions League preview and surefire prediction! Noob examines the cities’ traditional STEWS!

Real Madrid vs. Liverpool – UEFA Champions League – The Final!   Kiev will rock for one of the great spectacles of sport.  Let’s do in-depth preview stuff!

Real Madrid have won it a bunch in recent years.  Had a tough start to their league season, but have rounded into form.  Liverpool surprised perhaps ever so slightly by making the final, but they did finish top four in Premier League.

Real Madrid attack really well.  Ronaldo and Messi are primo.  Liverpool are likely the greatest counterattacking team in the world.  Mohammed Salah set the Premier League record for goal-scoring,

That’s it.

This is Noob, as am I.  If you want comprehensive coverage/guessing, it’s easy to find a million places.  This is enough to get a raw Noobite through light pregame convo should you find yourself in such.

For Noob, there’s only one way to determine in advance which team to root for/who will win.   You must examine the traditional stew of each club’s home city!

Liverpudlians love their scouse.  As one might imagine for stews, there are many variants, and what is traditional in this one has changed a lot over time as well.  Today, it is made with lamb (or beef), vegetables (usu. potatoes), carrots and onions.  Side dishes traditionally include pickled beetroot (or red cabbage) and bread.

Image result for scouse with pickled beetroot

Review:  Looks like a straightforward boiled stew.  Noob’s going to look askance at much that is pickled beyond cucumbers, but as side dishes, these are not dealbreakers.  If soda bread were the specific sort, would be big in scouse’s favor.   Noob does love lamb.  Potatoes are hearty.  Scouse scores solidly.

In Madrid, most especially on Tuesdays, the dish to be had is cocido madrileño.  The main in gradient is not the meat, but rather, chickpeas!  Potatoes are the most common other vegetable, though cabbage, carrots and turnips are hardly uncommon additions.

There is meat involved, usually pork, and more often pork belly specifically.  Onion morcillo, too.  That’s blood sausage.  More, you get jamon seranno, which is dried or cured ham of the black Iberian pig.  When cooking, one tosses in a hambone and beef spine bone to enrich the broth.

Image result for cocido madrileño

Review:  Noob enjoys falafel, but that’s where chickpeas belong.  Noob’s an adventurous eater, and pork belly is fine.  In knowing black Iberian pig is a thing already exhausts Noob’s knowledge of that.  Blood sausage – sorry, but we’re getting into an aesthetics issue.  The vegetables are a wash against scouse.

Wait, what’s this?  The broth, vegetables, and meat are served separately?  This may be a stew when it’s cooked, but it’s not a served-stew, not as far as Noob is concerned.   And good LAWD!  The truly traditional way to prepare the pork is to not only cure it, but to the point of nearly being rancid??

Image result for nasty pork belly

 

Is pig stomach whetting your apptetite, Noobites?  Now let it spoil…

 

 

Folks, scouse wins by default, and yet by a landslide.  Liverpool will win the day on the football pitch.  And if we’re going for a score based on the stew review, they win 0-6 today.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Globetrotting Friday (5/25) – football and frequent flier miles!

TGIGF!

Passport?  Check.  Miniature toothpaste and shaving cream?  Check.  Match day tickets for around the planet!  You BETCHA.

As always on Fridays, we take advantage of a lighter day in the worlds’ schedules and Trot the Globe!  We start close to home, then jetset off to footyball hinterlands of wonder.  Strap in, Noobites.

  1. Houston Dynamo vs. NYCFC – MLS

Jesus Medina – assist leader NYCFC, Paraguay, 19 y/o

Two really good offensive teams face off in the best of the three league matches slated for tonight.  The West’s #6 hosts Eastern Conference #B NYCFC.

The visitors have actually run a touch hot and cold their last few games.   Noob thinks the key player to watch will be team assist-leader Jesus Medina.  He’s only 19, a Paraguayan national.  If The Blues can’t control the game from the middle of the field, they’re going home without a result.    (8:55 PM Eastern, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Houston   3-1

Image result for jesus medina

 

 

Noob found so many photos like this.  Medina yells a lot.

B.  Ottawa Fury vs. Bethlehem Steel – USL

Ottawa is one of the clubs that came over from the now-almost-defunct NASL.  They’ve struggled, though in truth they hadn’t been very good previously, either.

Bethlehem just sneaked into the playoffs last year as the #8 seed.  They’re were and are very balanced.  They’ve one their last two matches, and an easier stretch of their season continues tonight in Canadia.

RESULT:   Ottawa   1-0    The Fury scores in the 1st minute, and that ended that.

Image result for canadian alphabet funny

 

 

Number B, is that very polite?

  1. Copenhagen vs. Aarhus – Danish Superliga

it’s a Final!  Of sorts.  The winner of this match – a home one for Copenhagen – is awarded entry into  Europa League.

This league divided into championship and Relegation subdivisions.   Copenhagen finished 4th place of six on the former, and so lands here.  Aarhus finished best of those clubs in the Relegation group.

RESULT:   Copenhagen   4-1

  1. Kuwait vs. Egypt – international friendly

The World Cup starts soon, so this is a tuneup for Africa’s #1 national team.  Kuwait is FIFA-ranked #160 in the world, and down around the bottom third mark in Asia.

RESULT:   1-1

The starting eleven for Kuwait pose for a group picture

 

Smile, Kuwaitis!   You’re about to get unceremoniously drubbed.

  1. Kenya vs. Swaziland – international friendly

Neither of these two is headed to World Cup.  Kenya is the better side, being in the CAF published top-18 rankings.  Swaziland didn’t make this year’s, but are on that list for 2019.

RESULT:   Swayzeland (it should be!)   0-1

  1. Pakhtakor vs. Bunyodkor – Uzbekistan Super League

Anywhere in the world, #1 versus #B is always a treasure!  And this is even in a Noob-surprising top ten league in Asia.   They finished #3 and #4 last season, respectively. They’re about a third of the way through the 2018 season now.  Pakhtakor are a bit better on both sides of the ball.

Fun Fact:   Pakhtakor are one of three clubs based in the nation’s capital of Tashkent.  The city name translate to “cotton-grower”.

RESULT:   P’town   1-0

Image result for Tashkent cotton fair

 

 

Over 40 countries have come to this.

  1. Police vs. KCCA – Uganda Premier

KCCA are tied for #B with the league season in its final stretch.  Vipers are just five points ahead of them in the table.  If the two points KCCA were deducted earlier this year for some sort of naughtiness or other, they’re going to be displeased.

KCCA have the league’s best offense, while midtable-Police have one of the worst defenses.  If KCCA wants to make a move on the top spot, this road win is gettable and necessary.

Fun Fact:   Police play out of national capital Kampala, which means “hills of the impala” (antelope).

RESULT:   2-2

  1. Kopetdag vs. Sagadam – Turkmenistan Yokary Liga

The Yokary is a perfectly average Asian league.  Kopetdag are just 7th place of the eight teams.  Sagadam, are #B, just a point out of the league lead with two thirds of the season remaining.  Great chance for Sagadam to get three road points, as they score like crazy and Kopetdag don’t succeed in stopping much of anyone.

Fun Fact:   Kopetdag are from the country’s capital – Ashgabat, which can mean “city of love”, or perhaps “city of devotion”.

RESULT:   Kopetdag   3-0     upset!

Image result for kopetdag fk

 

Kopetdag Stadium – shiny!

  1. Da Nang vs. Binh Duong – Vietnam V.League 1

They’re just eight games into the season here, but Ha Noi is already starting to run away with things.  #3 Binh Duong will have to shore up their defense if they want to have a chance at closing the game with the frontrunners.  Mid-table Da Nang isn’t impressive in that regard, either, so this match could turn into a shootout.

Fun Fact:   The city of Da Nang has had many names over the years.  Nearly all have been a reference to the Han River.  The current name means “opening of a large river”.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Welwalo Adigrat University vs. Mekelle Kenema – Ethiopia Premier

Ethiopia’s top flight is the last league in the CAF top-18 continental ranking.  They just expanded from 16 to 22 teams this season.  This is likely the only reason W.A.U. is in it.  Currently, they’re in position to be one of three teams to get Relegated back to the country’s second-tier Super League.

Kenema have played one fewer match then the two teams ahead of them in the table, and trail by just a point.  With about two third of the season gone, this should be a dramatic finish for the league’s only berth into the CAF Champions League.   Welwalo won’t score on them.  Most teams don’t much.

RESULT:   WAU   1-0    more upsetness!

Fun Fact:   Agridat is an alternate name of Agrabah.  You may recall the city from the Aladdin movie that starred the late Robin Williams as the voice of the genie.

The Management here.  Pardon my interruption, but Noob is full of it once again.  Agrabah was and is not a real place.  If it was modeled after any particular locale, it would be one in the Middle East, not Africa in all likelihood.

So it’s coincidence that the league #1 is “Jimma Aba Jifar”?

Yes, you asshat, it’s —

Image result for genie and Jafar

 

 

So long from Agrabah!

 

’10 to Track’ soccer matches Midweek Edition (5/22-24) – adding more each day

Noob’s gonna roll out the ten most important matches for us – the newish American fans of the global game – to follow day by day this Midweek.  Teasing, then pleasing.  Or something.   (now complete)

Tuesday, 5/22

  1. LAFC vs. Borussia Dortmund – international friendly

With the league season wrapped up for many of the European clubs, now they can tour around!   This is an especially fun one because American superstar Christian Pulisic plays for the German side.

If both teams are trying their hardest, playing starters, it’s hard not to see LAFC as a two-goal underdog.  Noob’s heard it said that the difference between a top league like Germany’s Bundesliga and MLS is akin to Major League Baseball vs. low class-A minor league stuff.   (10:00 PM Eastern, FS1)

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for angry Mr. Shucks

 

 

Mr. Shucks (in beach night promotional attire) of low class-A Midwest League’s Cedar Rapids (IA) Kernels seems offended.

Actually, it’s hard to tell…

B.  Horoya vs. Mamelodi Sundowns – CAF Champions League

In Africa’s Champions League, he 16 remaining teams have been divided into pods of four.  Top two finishers advance to the Knockout stage.

This is just the second of the six matches for these two.  Horoya hail from Guinea, the 18th-ranked league in Africa.  Mamelodi are the powerhouse team from South Africa, the 5th-ranked league.  This is two matches in a row where the home side should be valued at -2 goals, INHO.

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for Guinea letter B

 

 

Number B as guinea pig food.

 

 

Wednesday, 5/23

  1. NTX Rayados vs. FC Wichita – U.S. Open Cup

Third Round of America’s FA Cup!  Last Round, the tier-two (USL) teams entered the competition.  One more, and the big boys (MLS) join the fray.  There are lots of matches this week, but Noob is featuring this one because it’s fun to follow the lower-rung clubs and this match features two.

The Rayados (“Stripes”, or maybe “Striped Ones”) are from the amateur North Texas Premier Soccer League.   FC Dallas Roma made it to the Fourth Round out of this league once, so a touch of history could be on their side.  FC Wichita play in the Heartland Conference of the fourth-tier NPSL, and are also of amateur status.

RESULT:   NTX   3-2     Rayados lead 2-0 before blowing that lead, then scoring the winner at 86′.

  1. Orlando Pride vs. North Carolina Courage – NWSL

The Orlando gals are in 3rd, get to host the league’s one remaining undefeated team today.  They had a rough start, not winning any of their first three matches, but haven’t loss since.

As tenured Noobites will know, there’s an absolute side to cheer for here.   It’s called “whoever’s playing a team from a Swamp City”.  Noob disavows you, bad urban planners!  Go, NC.

RESULT:   NCC   3-4     Courage wasted 0-1 and 1-3 leads before getting the final goal at 90′ mark.

Image result for urban swamp orlando

 

Actual photo of Orlando.

Your future looks bleak, mice-peoples.

  1. Dinamo Zagreb vs. Hajduk Split – Croatia FA Cup

The Final!   Neutral site, a city called Vinkovci.  Bottom-rung club Cibalia plays there, which is named after the former Roman name for the town.

These clubs finished 1st and 3rd in league play, respectively.  Strangely, neither have been playing very well of late though.  Zagreb’s the one that’s on the worse skid.

Noobstradamus Sees:  Split taking the match 0-1.  And their extra-hooliganish fans will maim at least two Zagreb supporters.

RESULT:   Zagreb   1-0

  1. Partizan vs. Mladost Lucani – Serbia FA Cup

Another Final!   Also a neutral site, city of Surdulica.

There was gulf in the table between the top and the bottom halves, and Lucani wasn’t even the best of the worst, finishing 11th.  And bad luck – they lost at this stadium to the host Superliga club in the last league match of the season.  Bad vibes.

Worse, Partizan were the #B league finisher.  The only good thing working for Lucani is their offense.  It gives them a puncher’s chance, to mix sports metaphors.

RESULT:   Partizan   1-2     FA Cup cham-PEENS!

Image result for mixed metaphor funny

 

 

Mixed metaphor.

  1. Dinamo Minsk vs. BATE Borisov – Belarus Premier

BATE Borisov is the one name to know from this country.  A dozen consecutive league titles, 7-0-0 this season, and a goals-scored/allowed of 12-1.  yet Minsk is the one team that might give them a fight, especially on their own turf.  They’re #B and finished there in 2017 as well.

Noobstradamus Sees:   …Minsk knocking BATE a little off their pedestal!   1-1.

RESULT:   BATE   0-1

  1. Pusaks FC Academy vs. Ujpest – Hungary FA Cup

And back to another Final!   Noob’s been taking these in in order general strength of soccer in each nation.

The NB1 league was a two-horse race this season, but neither of them got to this Final.  Instead, we get the 5th and 7th-place teams.  But what makes this super-fun is that Puskas is the youth team affiliated with league-winner Videoton.   It will take place in Budapest, where Puskas is from, though not on their home pitch.

RESULT:   Ujpest   2-2 /  4-5 PK         So close, kids!

Image result for hungarian kids playing football

 

“If you win the final, kids, you get pizza and ice cream after”.

 

 

Thursday, 5/24

  1. Atletico Nacional vs. Colo-Colo – Copa Libertadores

South America’s version of Champions League.    The Group Stage is concluding.  Pods of four teams, top two finishers advance to Knockout stage.  Here’s your midweek featured match for the CL:

Last match of the Group Stage, and Colombia’s top entrant – Atletico Nacional – leads the Group.  Chile’s second team in (and likely best, really) are just two points back and tied with another club.  To further thicken the soup, the last-place team still isn’t out of it at two more points back.

Atletico are the only team with a positive goal differential here.  They come out of the stronger league and soccer country, are likely favored by a goal.   (8:30 PM, Fox Deportes)

Noobstradamus Sees:   …that Atletico has lost two straight between CL and league play, are having trouble scoring.  That’s never a problem for Colo-Colo.  Visitors win 0-2!

RESULT:   0-0     Both clubs advance to the Knockout Stage.  3rd-place Bolivar won today and tied Colo-Colo on points in the table, but they were going to need a much bigger margin of victory today to catch up on GD.

  1. Wolfsburg vs. Lyon – UEFA women’s Champions League

The Final, in Kiev!

Wolfsburg hasn’t lost since November.  Noob didn’t easily find the last time Lyon lost a match.  They’re the three-time defending champs.  Until they lose, put your euros on the French ladies.  Wait, that came out wrong…

RESULT:   1-4   Lyon     Congrats to the champs!    It was a weird and then very wild match.  No one scored in regulation.  Then Wolfsburg scored at 93′.  And then Lyon went OFF.

Image result for Kiev funny

 

 

So long from Kiev!

’10 to Track” soccer matches for Relegation Monday (5/21) – the suckitude returns!

It’s a Relegation mashup today!   When the schedules are light on Mondays, we here embrace the pain of, get to know and celebrate teams in position to get Demoted.

Today, there are several matches of happier importance as well, so enjoy the remix of sorts.

  1. Montreal Impact vs. LA Galaxy – MLS

It may be just the Eastern Conference 10th place side versus #9 in the West, but it’s the only major game in the U.S. today!

For the rawest Noobites, the name to know for this game is Galaxy forward Zlatan Ibrahimovic.  He’s a Swedish national who was once perhaps the greatest player in the world.  He still thinks of himself as such, and that makes him super-fun.

And we should get a chance to see Zlatan – and others – score plenty.  Montreal are so bad in their own end, I wonder if they would even try defending their mother’s honor.   (3:00 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 6)

RESULT:   L.A.   0-1    This, despite Zlatan getting a red card for slapping an opposing player in the side of the head.  The Galaxy climb to 7th.

Image result for ladies love zlatan

 

 

Zlatan is ready to attack or defend against whatever.

B.  Dundalk vs. Waterford – League of Ireland Premier

After a middling season last year, Waterford have had a magical stay near top of the table in 2018.  But they are fading.  Still 3rd-place, but they haven’t won in four straight matches now.

Dundalk are trending the other way, leading the league by two points in the standings.  They’ve scored 11 goals in their last four matches (including a League Cup game).

RESULT:   Dundalk   2-0

Image result for irish letter B

 

 

A bit cliche, Number B. 

But you do wear the hat well.

  1. Derry City vs. Bray Wanderers – League of Ireland Premier

Bray are mired so deeply in last place, they can’t even see the sun.  But they did defeat #5 Derry 2-1 in their most recent meeting!  Derry scores in droves, but can’t defend.  Bray can’t do either.

Fun Fact:  Bray have won the second-tier three times in club history.  (They’ve never done jack squat in Premier.)

RESULT:   Derry   2-0

  1. Brondby vs. Aalborg – Denmark Superliga

For Danish teams competing in the championship subdivision, this is the last match day.  (Relegation subdivision will have still more flailing to do.)  And the title is still up for grabs!

Brondby led all season, but have slipped to #B here at the end, trailing Midtjylland by two points in the table.  They get a very mediocre 5th-place Aalborg team that isn’t playing for anything.  But Midtjylland is hosting 6th-place Horsens and probably spanks them.

RESULT:   1-1      And so it’s congratulations to league champs Midtjylland!

Image result for soccer spanking

 

 

<—- Gratuitous soccer spanking image

  1. Randers vs. Lyngby – Denmark Superliga

Doesn’t Lyngby sounds like something one might spread over toast in the morning?  It does to Noob.  It sounds tart and delicious.  I once saw a promo on tv for a program about the history of toast.  But I didn’t watch it.  I mean, I like toast, but c’mon.

Noob?  It’s The Management.  Your doing that thing we talked about.

Unsubstantiated!   I am not wearing my Burger King King mask.  You said that commercial campaign was creepy, and I’m trying to take your word for it.  I –

No.  The other thing.

Right!  Um, Relegation match in Denmark.  Winner is the best of the worst four finishers in the league, gets to stay up.  Loser will vie with others lowbies for a while longer.

RESULT:   Randers   2-1   And so they save their own skin for another top-flight season.

  1. Poli Timisoara vs. Gaz Metan Medias – Romania Liga I

Juventus Bucaresti are already slated for demotion. Poli Timisoara sit in the other auto-Relegation slot currently.  But there are still five teams very much in the loser-mix.

GMM have actually won a few matches since the league divided into championship and relegation subdivisions, but both these teams have run hot and cold in both ends of the field for weeks now.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for timmaay

 

 

 

Fun Fact:  Big Timisoara supporter

  1. Elfsborg vs. Goteborg – Sweden Allsvenskanliga

Elfsborg, what happened to your offense?  Even as a mid-table team last summer, you were prolific in that regard!  Now?  League’s worst. Third-to-last place.

Fun Fact:  Noob thinks Elfsborg isn’t even real.  Isn’t it the name of that big elf-town on LOTR?

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Pirin Blagoevgrad vs. Vitosha Bistritsa – Bulgaria First Pro League

These are the two losers from the first round of this league’s Relegation Playoffs.  The loser of this match is done, demoted to Liga II for next season.  The winner will have to win a one-off match with a designated, current Liga II team in order to stay up.

Bistritsa, we’ve hardly known ye.  They won no matches in the regular season, and just one during the Relegation subdivision group stage of the season.  They were promoted last season after finishing 3rd in the second-tier First League.

RESULT:   Bistritsa   1-2     It’s a Relegation Monday miracle!

Image result for vitosha bistritsa watercourse

Fun Fact:  Vitosha Bistritsa is the name of a waterway as well.

  1. Weiner Neustadt vs. Wacker Innsbruck – Austria First League

Congrats, Wacker Innsbruck, you’ve clinched a top-two finish and promotion to your nation’s Bundesliga!  How will you celebrate today?

“With the Weiner-Wacker derby.”

Damn right you will!

RESULT:   Neustadt   1-0

  1. Qabala vs. Qarabag – Kazakhstan Premier

Way to go, Qarabag!  They’ve run away with the league title this year.  Qarabag are #B and have clinched a top-four finish and berth to the next Europa League.  So little is on the line here.

But Noob cannot resist the allure of #1 versus #B.  I don’t even try.

RESULT:   Qarabag   0-1

Image result for kazakhstan potassium mining

 

So long from Kazakhstan! 

Still an awesome exporter of potassium.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Sunday (5/20) – MLS, La Liga Final lead us!

Gotta be honest.  Noob’s as weird here as ever with the match previews, and pretty scattershot to boot.   Madonna, Grover, a love-lorn Noob.   None of it related, all of it bizarre.

Still, these are the ten most important matches for us – the newish American fans of the global game – to follow.  Noob will never compromise, despite the packaging. 🙂

  1. Atlanta United vs. New York Red Bulls – MLS

#1 hosts #5 in a matchup that’s even more exciting than that!  NYRB have played 1-4 fewer games than most teams in the Eastern Conference, will very likely climb the table.

But likely not today.  Atlanta’s home field advantage – thanks to league-leading attendance – has to loom large.  If Red Bulls are to pull off a road upset today, they’ll need to keep scoring like they’ve been, get a big game from British national forward Bradley Wright-Phillips.   (7:00 PM Eastern, FS1)

RESULT:   1-3   NYRB     Two goals for Wright-Phillips.  Red Bulls climb to 4th place.

Image result for Bradley Wright-Phillips

 

 

 

Congratulations…?

B.  Toluca vs. Santos – Liga MX

The Final!   League #4 Santos won the first leg 2-1.  But now they get to deal with the league’s regular season-leading defense and champs in Toluca.  In their last meeting outside this Liguilla (postseason tournament),Toluca stymied Santos’ usually-impressive offense 2-0.   (6:00 PM, Univision)

RESULT:   1-1    Your Clausura champions are Santos!  1-2 on aggregate

Image result for letter B singing

 

Number B is in a musical mood.  Super.

Noob’ll work in some Madonna for no reason whatsoever!

  1. Lazio vs. Inter Milan – Serie A

Italy gets four clubs into Champions League and Lazio is sitting on that last one.  Inter only trail them by three.  If Inter win, then they win the first tiebreaker, which is head-to-head points.  (They drew in their other match this season.)

Catch this one on beIN Sports (2:45 PM) if you can, Noobites.  Lazio lead the league in scoring, but also gave up way more goals than any other team anywhere near top of the table.

Image result for lazio defense

 

 

“Strike a pose/ there’s nothing to it…”

  1. Aves vs. Sporting CP – Taca de Portugal

It’s an FA Cup Final!   They’ll play it in Lisbon, if not on Sporting’s home pitch.

Desportivo das Aves have had a wonderful run in this event, but it looks to end here.  They finished 13th in Primeira Liga for a reason.  #3 Sporting are more defensively-styled themselves, but should have little trouble permeating Aves’ poor defense.

RESULT:   Aves   2-1    After finishing 3rd in the league, Sporting CP fans basically rioted at the team HQ.   Noob is terrified what they’ll do after this result.

Image result for desportivo das aves funny

“I can feel your heart beat/ for the very first tiiiime…”

*head bop*

Enough of that now.

  1. Saprissa vs. Herediano – Costa Rica Premier

A Final!   Noob may not understand how exactly Saprissa qualified for it, but they’re here!  Herediano won both the Apertura and Clausura (first and second half-season tournaments).  Saprissa finished #B in the aggregate table for both.  The first leg between these two went 1-1 at Herediano.

Noobstradamus Sees:  …needing to find someone to edumuhcate me on Costa Rican league format.  Que lastima.

RESULT:   Saprissa   0-0 /  4-3 PK      So away-goals wasn’t a tiebreaker in Costa Rica.  In any case, kudos to the champs!

  1. Alianza vs. Santa Tecla – El Salvador Premier

This Final is interesting because it’s played as a two-legged tie, but both ties are at a neutral site.  Well, technically.  It’s not their home pitch, but they’re in San Salvador, Alianza’s home city.  Perhaps that helped them win the first leg 2-0.

These two finished in #1 and #B in the Clausura, respectively.  A bit strangely, it’s #B Santa Tecla that boasted both the top offense and defense.   (5:00 PM, Centroamerica TV)

RESULT:    Alianza   1-0     

Image result for El Salvador football funny

Noob thinks this is a zing of some kind.  I wish Grover there would translate.  (Grover??)

  1. Universidad de Concepcion vs. Universidad Catolica – Chile Premier

Catolica are #1, having only allowed eight goals all season.  That’s almost twice as good as the next-best teams.  Meanwhile, #3 Concepcion have won an astounding nine consecutive matches.

Noobstradamus Sees:  Concepcion moving into a tie for the league lead, 2-1.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Hammarby vs. AIK – Sweden Allsvenskanliga

Pass the pitted drupes, it’s #1 vs. #B!  Neither has lost yet, though AIK has drawn in nearly half their games.  Hammarby finished merely 9th last year.   This season, they’ve ramped up the offense and then some.  Their defense is still sketchy at best, so perennial power AIK can’t be counted out.

RESULT:   AIK   0-1

Image result for pitted drupes

 

 

They know their stone fruits in Sweden.  Snack on.

  1. Sanfrecce Hiroshima vs. Cerezo Osaka – Japan J1 League

Japanophile The Management must be appeased!   Well, plus Noob likes to spread his coverage-love around geographically.   And this is a sterling matchup.

Hiroshima have won 13 of their 15 matches.  They barely missed being Relegated a year ago!  The difference?  Defense.  Just five goals conceded in thus far.

Noobstradamus Sees:   Well, more feels that C.Osaka have overachieved in winning three straight matches.  Hiroshima continues it’s league onslaught, 4-1.

RESULT:   Cerezo Osaka   0-2

  1. Tampines Rovers vs. Albirex Niigata – Singapore S. League

Double I’s.  Noob is once again transfixed.  Why do you torture me so?  I know my love for you is unreturned, double I’s.  Do you even know Noob?  Would you look at me if we passed each other along the Marina Bay waterfront?

Oh yes, and #B faces #1.

RESULT:   Albirex Niigata   3-4

Top 7 Romantic Attractions in Singapore

 

So long from Marina Bay, Singapore!

Where Noob waits beyond hope for double-i’s…