Tag: Voluntari

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Relegation Monday (5/28) – one lump of suckitude, or two?

With the World Cup well under a month away, get ready for an onslaught of national team-tuneups.  But don’t worry, Noobites!  Our Monday tradition of featuring teams about to be possibly Booted from their leagues still holds.

  1. U.S.A. vs. Bolivia – friendly

It’s not part of a tournament, and neither team is headed to the World Cup.  But it’s ‘Muricuh!

The teams are FIFA-ranked #24 and #57, respectively.  Not sure how much that will mean here.  Noob’s understanding is that a lot of young up-and-comers are going to get featured on the U.S. side.  Bolivia may well be doing similarly.  The match is yours at 6:30 PM, Eastern on FS1.

RESULT:   ‘Muricuh!   3-0

Image result for too patriotic

B.  Mexico vs. Wales – friendly

Now this is a World Cup tuneup for Mexico.  Wales was one of the stronger European teams to not qualify.  They are FIFA-ranked #15 and #21.   (9:00 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for letter B whale

 

Number B, the dragon is kind of the Welsh thing.  Not a whale

  1. Gaz Metan Medias vs. Juventus Bucaresti – Romania Liga I

For these two clubs, two matches to go in the Relegation Group in Romania. The bottom two will be auto-Booted.  #12 will get to play a Liga II team trying to displace them.

GMM are in 11th, one point up on Voluntari (who have played one more match already).  They’ve not lost in four consecutive matches, and beat J.B. 0-3 in their last meeting.  There’s no reason to think this one won’t play out much the same.  J.B. are awful, have last place sewn up already.

Fun Fact:   GMM are known as “the black wolves” and “the refinery workers”.  One is definitely cooler than the other, if more dangerous to have out on the pitch in a halftime show.

RESULTL:   GMM   3-0

  1. Poli Timisoara vs. Dinamo Bucaresti – Romania Liga I

Timisoara are in 13th, but could well still climb up to safety.  Hypothetically.  They’re only two points behind Voluntari.  Unfortunately for them, today they play the top team of this Group.  D.B. have won five straight matches, haven’t allowed a goal in the last four.

RESULT:   Dinamo   1-3

Image result for south park timmyFun Fact:   Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld are the halftime show for this match.

The Management:  No…

*bronx cheer*

  1. PSIS vs. Mitra Kukar – Indonesia Liga I

Welcome back, PSIS!   You’ve been featured here before.  Still in last place, Noob sees.  And only averaging one goal per match.  Ouch.  Mitra Kukar are maybe average.  PSIS could get a draw here, Noob suspects.

Fun Fact:   One of the PSIS main supporters groups is named “Snex”.  Which is totally going to mess with Noob’s Scrabble vocabulary.

RESULT:   PSIS   4-0     It’s a Relegation Monday miracle!  They climb into second-to-last place.   (Bottom three finishers will be Demoted.)

Now for some mini-previews of international friendlies —

  1. France vs. Ireland – friendly

France rank #7 worldwide, expect to make the Knockout Stage of the World Cup.  Ireland did not qualify, are ranked #31.   (3:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   France   2-0

  1. Portugal vs. Tunisia – friendly

Both these teams made the WC.  Noob was surprised to discover how highly they’re both ranked, 4th and 14th.  Noob knew Tunisia was one of Africa’s best, but not that well-regarded.

RESULT:   2-2

  1. Italy vs. Saudi Arabia – friendly

Saudi Arabia are the lowest team in the world to have qualified for Russia.  They’re ranked just 67th in the world.  20th-ranked Italy were one of the biggest surprises of the qualifying competition for WC, not getting in.

RESULT:   Italy   2-1

  1. Qabala vs. Kesla – Azerbaijan FA Cup

The Final!   Noob is surprised to not find runaway league-winner Qarabag in this match, but they got knocked out in the Quarterfinals.  League #B Qabala hosts below-average Kesla.  The visitors will do well to keep this within a goal even.

RESULT:   Kesla   0-1     Shocking!  Congrats!

  1. Botswana vs. Angola – COSAFA Cup

This is a tournament put on by the Council of Southern Africa Football Associations, being put on in South Africa.  13 nations are competing.  The strongest five teams have received byes into the Knockout Stage.

This one is a Group Stage match in Polokwane (Pietersberg), the first of three.  Angola carry the higher CAF ranking, but Botswana has already earned enough points to join them in the continental top-18 when next year’s come out.  This should be a very even matchup.

RESULT:   Botswana   2-1

Image result for Polokwane funny

 

 

 

So long from South Africa!

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Relegation Monday! (3/19)

Schedules around the world get light on Mondays.  Instead of getting sad, we embrace the sadness to be found!   Let’s get to know some teams that are about to get unceremoniously kicked out of their current leagues.

  1. Bray Wanderers vs. Waterford – Irish Premier

This league is only six games into its season.  But Bray Wanderers haven’t won a game (and only even drawn one), so Noob doesn’t feel a bit bad about calling them Relegation fodder.  They’re only scoring a goal every other game on average, and giving up a staggering 3x as many.

Waterford won the second-tier First League of Ireland last season and are in 3rd place now.

Fun Fact:  Bray is a smallish resort town, just a dozen miles southeast of Dublin’s center.

RESULT:     ppd

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B.  Slavia Sofia vs. Pirin Blagoevgrad – Bulgaria Pro League

With just a game to go in the regular season, both these clubs are already “qualified” for the Relegation Playoff.  But seeding counts.  Slavia Sofia would move from #B to #1 with a win today.  Blagoevgrad would jump several spots to #B with a win.

Fun Fact:  “The White Avalanche” that is Slavia Sofia are one of three teams from nation’s capital.  The other two are in the Championship division of the league, and probably laugh at them relentlessly.

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for laughing at you meme

 

Srsly?

We try to hold ourselves to a higher standard when allowed the #B list position.

  1. Sepsi vs. Voluntari – Romania Liga I

Romania’s league has divided into Championship and Relegation Playoff halves now.  Sepsi are in third-to-last, Voluntari in third in this grouping.

Fun Fact:  The Voluntari are quite displeased to be in the Relegation Playoff.  They assumed their position as head vampire family of the world would qualify them for the Championship grouping.

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for volturi fighting

 

 

It seems the vampire soccer Voltori blame Robert Pattinson.

 

 

The Management would like to apologize yet again for Noob’s unalterable belief that the Voltori of the Twilight literary and cinematic world are real, and play professional soccer to boot.  Rest assured, the other information therein contained is accurate.

You know, The Management, Dakota Fanning is gonna bite your head clean off.

Vampires don’t do that!

*snicker*

Dammit, Noob, you suckered me into this nonsense again.  Asshat.

  1. Leones vs. Independiente Medellin – Colombia Premier

Leones are in 13th here in the Apertura (first half-season).  But this league determines Relegation using three years of results, and Leones are second-to-last in that.  There, they are in second-to-last.  Medellin is in 3rd, primed for a road win.

Fun Fact:  Leones home city of Itagui is in the Aburra Valley.  Medellin is the biggest city in the region.

RESULT:   Indeoendiente   0-2

  1. Luqueño vs. Santani – Paraguay Premier

Santani were just promoted, and while it’s early, look like they will be sent right back down.  They’re in second-to-last on Relegation table.  Their hosts today are no powerhouse, but a road win will still be hard to come by.

Fun Fact:  Santani the town is named for a Polish priest, presumably Jesuit.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Al Nasr vs. Misr Al-Maqasa – Egypt Premier

Al Nasr are buried in last place, nine points from being clear of Relegation.  The Second Division is all but a mathematical certainty for them now.  They’ll get a chance to save a tiny bit of face as they host below average Maqasa.

Fun Fact:   Nine of the teams in this league are from Cairo, including Al Nasr.  There isn’t a single one in the Second Division though.

RESULT:   Maqasa   0-1

Al Nasr SC Egypt.png

 

 

What a weird crest.   Is it a winged skull of a bovine, Al Nasr?

  1. Erzgebirge vs. Greuther Furth – 2. Bundesliga

Erzgebirge would almost climb out of the Relegation Zone in Germany’s second division with a win today.  Well, they will if they beat this team – one higher than them in the table – by 3+ goals.

Fun Fact:  Aue – home to Erzgebirge – is a town of just 18.000, the smallest to ever have a team playing this high in the German football league system.

RESULT:   Erzge   2-1      Still in the Relegation Zone, but now only down to GF on GD

  1. Carpi vs. Pro Vercelli – Serie B

A lot is at stake for both teams here.  PV is in third-to-last.  They’d have to climb three more spots to be completely clear of the Drop Zone, but even climbing one would do them good.  Then they would play in a Relegation Playout, have a chance to stay up.

Carpi are in 9th.  It sounds better when one knows 3rd through 8th place will play a mini-tournament at season’s end to decide a team that gets promoted to Italy’s top flight.

Fun Fact:  PV actually have seven national titles to their credit!  But they were all won between 1908 and 1922.

RESULT:   Carpi   2-0

Image result for stadio silvio piola

  1. Hapoel Bnei Lod vs. Maccabi Herzliya – Israeli Leumit League

The top half of this 16-team second-tier league will play Championship Playoffs, the other half dueling to not get demoted.

Bnei Lod are in 11th.  It would take a minor miracle for them to jump the necessary teams and climb no fewer than seven points in the table to get to play for the title.  Herzliya are in second-to-last, and there they will remain, nowhere close to climbing a notch or falling to last.

Fun Fact:  Herzliya, the town, is a hoity-toity town in the northern part of greater Tel Aviv.

RESULT:   Bnei Lod   3-1

  1. Huesca vs. Sporting Gijon – Spain Segunda B

Noob finishes off today’s Track with a game of hope and comparative happiness.  Neither club in danger of getting The Boot.  Quite the opposite.

The top two will be automatically promoted to La Liga, and Huesca are in 1st!  But two teams trail them by just three points.

Gijon was demoted last year, looking to get back to top flight.  3rd through 6th place will have a playoff for the third and final promotion at regular season’s end.  They’re unlikely to crack top two, but should be in that playoff.

Fun Fact:  Huesca is home to a bloody legend about a monk who cut off the heads of 12 disobedient nobles.

RESULT:   Gijon   0-2

Image result for bell of huesca