‘10 to Track’ for Sat., 4/27 – from MLS and Liga MX to Europe and beyond, it’s a Noobstradamus-day!

Noobstradamus, did you hit the Sativa instead of the Indica?   It’s a tidal wave today of prognostication excellence (*cough cough*) from our resident ancient seer!

Here are the 10 most important games to track today, for us, the newish American fans.

  1. New England Revolution  vs Sporting Kansas City – MLS

KC has a five-point lead in the West, but the next two behind them have played two fewer games.   Things will tighten up. The Revs are in 4th in the East, a far sight better than last season.

Noob looks for the high-powered Kansas City side to score early and often.  New England’s defense is solid, but KC lead the entire league in goals made.       (7:30 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 6)

RESULT:   New England   1-0

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Why hate when I can prognosticate?

1-2 Kansas City is the today’s future.

 

B.    Orlando Pride vs Seattle Thorns- NWSL

Noobstradamus says 0-1, Seattle over Swanp City.  Down with bad urban planning!

RESULT:   1-1

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I foresee Number B replacing that archaic Number to in lists, thanks to this quest.  Archaic things, meh!

Wait, I’m archaic…

 

3.  Tigres vs. Monterrey – Liga MX

Both have qualified for the postseason Liguilla heading into this final regular season match.  But seeding is still very much in the air.  They are 4th and 3rd now, but either could jump to #B with a win tonight.

Tigres will try to keep the pace slow.  They can’t take Monterrey in a goal-fest.   Noobstradamus sees all, sees a 1-1 draw.  (8:00 PM, Univision)

RESULT:   2-2

4.  Inter Milan vs Juventus – Serie A

Juve is only a point up on #B Napoli.  Inter is in 5th, just outside the Champions League slots.  But they trail the next two teams up by just one in the table.  Juve are better on both sides of the ball, and loads better on offense.    (2:45 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   Juve   2-3    Good LAWD!   Juve was watching their title slip away, down 2-1 with three minutes plus added time to go.  They scored twice more before 90′.

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Inter will run out of gas now and going forward.   0-1 Juve today

5.  Bayer Leverkusen vs Stuttgart – Bundesliga

Will the pressure get to Leverkusen?  They’re 4th, barely in a CL slot  they SHOULD handle 10th place Stuttgart.  (12:30 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   Stuttgart   0-1

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2-1 Leverkusen.  Stuttgart is German for “stuttering child”.  You don’t need other-worldly powers to see their going to lose.

The Management here:  Noobstra-dumbass doesn’t know German.

6.  Swansea vs Chelsea – English Premier

Four matches to go and 5th place Chelsea still trails #4, Noob-reviled Hotspur by five points in the table.

Meanwhile, Swansea are fighting for their Premier lives at the other end of the standings.  They’re only one slot above the Relegation line, though at least they have a four-point lead on the next club down.  They can’t score.  They have the best defense among the league’s worst teams, but that’s quite the qualifier.   (12:30 PM, Universo)

RESULT:   Chelsea   0-1

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1-3 Chelsea.

I also predict Hotspur will  be Relegated for being named for a historic traitor.

7.  Lyon vs Nantes – Ligue 1

Hiccup Watch match for #3 Lyon. France only gets three into CL nowadays   Pummeling #9 Nantes will give them relief.   Noobstradamus says Lyon 3-0.

RESULT:   Lyon   2-0

8.  Herediano vs Saprissa – Costa Rica Premier

The top two collide in the postseason!  Noobstradamus predicts concussions.  Ouch.

RESULT:   Herediano   1-0

9.  Sendai vs. Sapporo – J 1 League

The Management must be given his Japan-fix.   The league is just far enough in now for Noob to pay attention.

Noobstradamus has no score prediction, but prognosticates The Management will today bring up in conversation a culturally subversive animated show from there that features an office worker Red Panda that fights off existential ennui by performing in a death metal band at night.

Noob isn’t kidding.  It’s so disorienting, all I can do is figuratively projectile-vomit out number #10 – Reno and OKC in USL action.  Reno scores LOTS. They’ll win…14-3 today. Maybe.

RESULTS:   J1 League match ends 2-2;  Reno   2-0

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Globetrotting Friday (4/27) from MLS, around the world, ending in Paradise

The world is a big place.  There’s always a few soccer matches important for us, the newish American fans, to follow each day.  And so it is now, on a Friday.

But it’s hard to fill the Track with good ones from our usual leagues.  So we Trot the Globe!   We’ll start in familiar locales, but soon be on a magical footyball adventure.  Lace your boots tight, Noobites!

  1. Vancouver Whitecaps vs. Real Salt Lake – MLS

The best (ok, only) Major League Soccer game today!  They may not be quite title contenders, but a quarter of the way into the season they’re in the last two playoff spots (#6, #5) in the Western standings.

Let’s put the spotlight on RSL, since they didn’t make the playoffs in ’17.  What’s changed for them this year?  Defense.  It’s not lights out, but it’s better.  And truth be told, it wasn’t that awful last season.   Their goal differential looked more like teams’ from further up the table.

More importantly, though, is what hasn’t changed for them this year.  They are still “Real” – royal!   Few things get Noob’s dander up like homages to royalty we don’t have here!  ‘Muricuh!   So today, it’s “Go, Canadia!”   (10:30 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 6)

RESULT:   Vancouver   2-0

Image result for King George american revolution funny

 

“The Weirdness of King George”

Quickly-rejected movie script idea.

 

B.  Tijuana vs. Toluca – Liga MX

Time for the final round of regular season matches in the Clausura (second half-season) in Mexico!   One must love the format.  Only 17 games means a tight table.  Toluca have wrapped up the #1 seed for the Liguilla (postseason playoffs) already, so it will be interesting to see if the rest starters for this one.

Tijuana would love love love to face a reserve side.  They are in 8th – the last playoff spot.  They could jump to as high as 6th with a win tonight.  If they get a draw or lose, as many as three four teams could pass them, ending their season.

These two sport the stingiest defenses in the league.  Tijuana doesn’t score enough for this to be any better than an even matchup at home.  Unless Toluca plays their water boys and equipment managers.

RESULT:   Tijuana   1-0     Success!  This pushes them to 6th, and guarantees them a Liguilla slot.

Image result for lazy letter B

 

 

Toluca might get lazy like Number B.

  1. Las Vegas Lights vs. San Antonio – USL

Your ‘Muricuhn soccer undercard comes from out West as well.  Las Vegas Lights are a new expansion team.  They’re just in 10th right now, but that’s largely a product of scheduling.  They’ve only played four matches so far, while other clubs have had as many as eight.  The success they’ve had in limited action so far has been founded on defense.  That’s a bit unusual for a new club, and a good sign.

San Antonio are in 12th, with six games under their big-buckle belts.  They have trouble scoring, haven’t done so their last two games.  That includes an 0-3 beat down they suffered hosting Orange County FC.

RESULT:   San Antonio   1-3

  1. Tapachula vs. Universidad de Guadalajara – Ascenso MX

Noob has been derelict in his duty to you, newish American soccer fans.  As we learn the world game together, I’ve tried to keep our eyes close to home, then on  England, continental Europe, South America and beyond.   I’ve been remiss in ignoring the second-division league in the best soccer country in North and Latin Amerca.  Mea culpa.

Just like Liga MX, there are 16 teams, eight of which make the Liguilla there.  Their annual season is likewise divided into separate Apertura and Clausura seasons.  And their seasons start a little earlier than Liga MX.  So…

Welcome to the Liguilla Final!!   This will be a two-legged tie.  As the higher seed from the regular season results (#3), UdG will host the second match.  Tapachula barely squeaked in at all (#8).  They have issues on defense, yet at home give UdG all they can handle and maybe more.

RESULT:   Tapachula   1-0

Image result for lo siento funny

  1. 1899 Hoffenheim vs. Hannover 96 – Bundesliga

This match makes the Track strictly based on Hoffenheim’s position.  And it’s a Hiccup Watch game.  Hannover is in 12th, ho-humming their way through the end of the season.

The Hoff are in 5th, one slot and two points outside a Champions League berth.  And two clubs are hot on their tail, in turn.  They’re better than their guests and shouldn’t struggle.   Unless the pressure is too much.

RESULT:   Hoffenheim   3-1   This puts the Hoff in 4th for the moment.  Most league teams have now played one fewer game than them.

  1. Newcastle Jets vs. Melbourne City – Australia A-League

As the regular season #B finisher, Newcastle got a bye into the league playoff Semifinals.  #3 Melbourne City topped #6 Brisbane Roar to get here.  This is a Knockout playoff format, one match only.  The winner likely gets Sydney FC and loses badly.

RESULT:   Newcastle   2-1

Image result for kangaroo boxing

 

It’s time for kangaroo-boxing.

Noob has no reason.  Noob needs no reason.

  1. Tishreen vs. Al Ittihad – Syria Premier

Welcome back to the Track, #14 league in Asia!  That’s just above the 1/3 line, right between Malaysia and India (cricketheads).

With just eight matches to go, #4 Tishreen has no real chance of catching #1 Ittihad for the league’s only Champions League invite.  That said, this match is a tossup today, INHO.  Ittihad lead Al-Jaish by just two in the table.

Fun Fact:  Tishreen means October or November in Arabic. The months then are distinguished by indicating First or Second Tishreen.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Wad Hashim Sennar vs. Merreikh El-Fasher – Sudan Premier

5th-best league in Africa.  Would get a touch more regular coverage if Noob spread his interest and gaze equally over the globe.

Sudan this year has divided its league into two Groups.  The top four of each of these eight it appears make a title playoff.  WHS are just a point on the wrong side of that line in theirs.  Al-Fasher are #B, and Noobstradamus thinks they’ve been overachieving!

I tossed some pepperoni slices into the air.  When they fell, I divined today’s result by meditating on them severely, like over animal entrails in ancient times.  Sennar is destined for victory.  2-0.

RESULT:   WHS   2-0   

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Crystal balls are a bunch of poppycock.

  1. Kiyovu Sports vs. Miroplast – Rwanda National League

Rwanda’s league is ranked in the top half of CAF, if not by much.  They’re about halfway through the season there, and Kiyovu Sport are #4 in one heckuva tight table.  Well, tight at the top.   They should handle Relegation candidates Miroplast with ease.

Fun Fact:  Kiyovu are the only team in RNL history to go undefeated (1990).

RESULT:   Kiyovu   2-0

  1. St. Nevis and Kitts vs Jamaica – international friendly

Where better place to end the Track then in the Caribbean.  Relax.  Rest up for the midweek Edition coming tomorrow.  Have a ginger ale.  Grab a chair.

Noob’s still learning every day, even with close-ish to home-footyball.  Jamaica’s men’s national team is rated #48 in the world and fourth-best in CONCACAF.  There’s a steep dropoff between them and #3 Costa Rica, but still!  St. Nevis and Kitts are #13 in the confederation, FIFA #126.

RESULT:   Jamaica   1-3

Image result for St. Nevis and Kitts relax

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches (4/24-26) – bring us Champions Leagueness!

Time for Midweek Madness!   OK, Noob doesn’t really think there’s any more madness Tuesday-Thursday than any other time.  But chicks dig alliteration.  I’m sure of it.

Tuesday, 4/24

  1. Liverpool vs. AS Roma – UEFA Champions League

The Semifinals are here!  These two both surprised world soccer giants last round to advance.  This is the first match of a two-legged tie.

Noobites, you can of course find all manner of highly-detailed previews on many sites.  Our purpose here is fun, learning/increased awareness, and packaged in zaniness many times.  But Noob will offer up one particular angle.

Footballdatabase.com appears to use the chess world’s ELO formula -or a modified version of it- to rate clubs.  I find it very accurate.  Today, these two rate as 1966 and 1872, respectively.  Think of, oh, borderline Grandmaster vs. very solid Expert.

So, based on evidence I’ve casually tracked since starting this site, Noob’s calling Liverpool not quite a 1.5 goal favorite today.  Take it to the bank!  (Of course, I don’t think soccer betting is run with point spreads, so maybe just stick it in an old mattress.)   (2:45 PM Eastern, FS 1)

RESULT:   Liverpool   5-2

Image result for elo rating formula

B.  Penn FC vs. Nashville FC – USL

Penn FC were Harrisburg City Islanders previously. This is not a new club, just a rebranding.  Nashville are an expansion club.

Penn did not win any of their first matches. Nashville is a .500 club so far, but Noob thinks they’ve been either lucky or gritty so far.   Penn gets their first W today.

RESULT:   0-0

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Gotta be honest, Number B.  Not the most creative rebranding there.

 

 

 

Deeper Dive:  any of the three Copa Libertadores matches, Bulgarian FA Cup semifinal, China FA Cup matches, or either League of Ireland (not FA) Cup match.

Wednesday, 4/25

  1. Guadalajara vs. Toronto FC – CONCACAF Champions League

The Final!  Guadalajara took the first league in Canadia 1-2.  Toronto can’t just win 0-1 today in order to tie things up.  They’d lose on the away-goals tiebreaker.

Toronto have had a miserable start to their MLS season.  They’re out of gas.  The Guad Squad is going to get to put on a show.  Rather than just sit on the ball and milk their lead, this feels to Noob like a 3-0 rout.   (9:30 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Toronto 1-2 in regulation      But Guad wins the title 4-2 in pk’s.   Heartbreak for Toronto.  Guad should’ve been down a man to a red card much of the second half when one of their players punched a Toronto player right in the stomach, 10′ from a ref with a clear view.  Not even a foul called.

  1. Bayern Munich vs. Real Madrid – UEFA Champions League

Two +2000 Grandmaster clubs.  Noob might’ve thought the winner will be a heavy favorite to take the title.  But Bayern didn’t completely dominate a Sevilla team that they should’ve in the Quarters.  And Real nearly blew a big lead to Juventus.

Bayern have been scoring – at least in league play – like gangbusters.  Noob’s calling this one as 3-1 for the home side, as they can control the pace at home.   (2:45 PM, FS1, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   Real   1-2

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Grandmaster Flash carried an ELO rating of a billion.

  1. Boca Juniors vs. Palmeiras – Copa Libertadores

South America’s version of Champions League continues its group stage.  The top two finishers from each Group of four will advance.

Boca are Argentina’s #1-ranked entry into this event.  Palmeiras are the #3 from Brazil.  Yet Palmeiras are the ones leading this Group, and by two over their hosts today.  They’d take a draw in a heartbeat.

Boca will look to push and play for the win, get more distance in the table over Atletico Junior of Colombia.   (8:45 PM, Fox Deportes)

RESULT:   Palmeiras   0-2

  1. FC Tokyo vs. Sanfrecce Hiroshima – J1 League

The league season is almost ten games in, yet Noob wonders if this is the first Track-worthy match we’ve seen from Japan.

Hiroshima finished near the bottom of the table last year.  Now?  They’ve not lost once. FC Tokyo finished low enough last year that Noob thought perhaps they’d just been promoted from J2.  Even at #B, they trail FCT by nine in the table.

RESULT:   Tokyo   3-1

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Hiroshima’s mascots striking poses

  1. Zlin vs. Jablonec – Czech FA Cup

There are many FA Cups matches being played around Europe today.  The Czech Cup semifinal today pits two teams from the #13 league in Europe, the highest ranking represented this week.

Zlin are in 9th in the league this year.  Given their awful GD, Noob’s not sure how they’ve managed even that.  They’ll get all they can handle from their 6th-place guests.

Aaaand then the winner will get smooshed by Slavia Prague in the Final.    And then they’ll pee their pants, the end.

RESULT:   Jablonec   0-1

Deeper Dive:  #3 Ranheim vs. #1 Brann, Norway Eliteserien; #3 Maritzburg United vs. #1 Mamelodi Sundowns, South Africa Premier; #2 Suwon Bluewings vs. #3 Gyeongnam FC, South Korea K1 League; #4 Prachuap vs. #3 Chiangrai United, Thai 1 League; any China FA Cup matches, Brazil FA Cup Round of 16 matches, or FA Cup semis from Bulgaria, Cyprus, or Denmark

Thursday, 4/26

  1. Arsenal vs. Atletico Madrid – Europa League

UEFA’s secondary continental tournament has reached its Semifinals.  This is the first match of a two-legged tie.

Arsenal better hope they get some sort of lift perhaps trying to win this thing as a tribute to now-departing manager Arsene Wenger, because Atletico is probably by far the strongest team remaining.  He’d been with the club over 20 years, but either gracefully stepped aside or was forced out less than a week ago.   (3:05 PM, FS1, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   1-1     Atletico had a player and their manager kicked out 10 minutes into the match.  Arsenal still couldn’t take care of business.

Image result for arsene wenger sad face

  1. Lillestrom vs. Sarpsborg – Norway Super Cup

Super Cups usually happen right as the league season is beginning, pitting last year’s FA Cup champs against the defending league champs.  This one was delayed because of wintry conditions.  Shock me.

Lillestrom only finished 12th in league last year.  They qualified for this by beating Sarpsborg in the FA Cup final.  Sarpsurg has started a little slowly this season, but it’s very early.  Lillestrom – who host today – aren’t doing any better than in 2017.

RESULT:   Sarpsborg   0-1     Congrats!

  1. Al Ahly vs. El Zamalek – Egypt Premier

Noob ends the midweek Track honoring the champions of Africa’s #1 league.  With two matches to go, Al Ahly lead the next team up by a mind-boggling 21 points in the table.

Zamalek are in 3rd.  This is their final league match.  They can’t catch #B Ismaily for a Champions League berth, but they could themselves be passed by #4 Al Masry.  3rd place gets into the Confederations Cup, Africa’s version of Europa League.

RESULT:   Zamalek   1-2

Image result for mind boggling facts

 

OK, that’s mind-boggling

 

 

Deeper Dive:  any of the Copa Libertadores matches; Denmark’s FA Cup semifinal; #B Partizan vs. #4 Radnicki, Serbia Superliga, #3 Hapoel Katamon Jerusalem vs. #1 Hapoel Tel Aviv, Israel Leumit Liga (second-tier)

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Relegation Monday (4/23) – embrace the suckitude

Mondays, Noob’s guidance through the ten most important soccer matches for us – the newish American fans – to follow takes dark, beautiful turns.

With league scheds lighter all around after the weekend, we celebrate clubs about to get Relegated.  Let’s get to know them before they’re sent away.

First, a few matches of import involving more successful teams.

  1. Everton vs. Newcastle United – English Premier

Neither of these teams is going to Champions or Europa League.  9th vs. 10th.  But every match matters.  Why?  Moolah!

Noob recently learned that each and every spot in the table is awarded a different amount of prize pool money at season’s end.  The amounts range from nearly 40 million pounds down to about 2M.  The prize goes up about 2M per spot.

Also, Newcastle are excited to be fighting for a top-half finish after having just been promoted this year.  Catch it on NBCSN at 3:00 PM Eastern.

RESULT:   Everton   1-0

Image result for mullah funny

 

Dan the Intern-o Inferno, check your reading skillz.

Noob wanted funny moolah image.  Not mullah.

B.  FC Porto vs. Vitoria de Setubal – Primeira Liga (Portugal)

Noob has taken to calling these sorts of matches “Hiccup Watch”.  Not exactly setting the interwebs on fire, but that’s fine.  Function over fashion, Noobites.

#B Porto should make mulch of #14 VdS.  But since they’re only two points out of 1st and have two other clubs breathing right down their necks, the drama is still high.  They can’t afford a Hiccup.  (3:00 PM, GOL TV)

RESULT:   Porto   5-1

Image result for hiccup letter B

 

Ok, Dan, now you’re just messing with Noob.

I guess Number B gets a day off.

  1. Mineros de Guayana vs. Carabobo – Venezuela Premier

It’s not one of the smexier leagues in South America, but it is still a premium matchup.  These two are 4th and 1st in the Apertura (first half-season) table.  They’re only separated by four points.  But with just a few games to go, still is a must-win for MdG.

RESULT:   3-3

  1. Hapoel Tel Aviv vs. Hapoel Hedera Eran – Israeli Liga Leumit

#1 versus #B always catches Noob’s wandering footyball gaze.  Even second-tier Israeli soccer!

HTA is so far ahead they’’re already guaranteed promotion to Premier.  HHE is five points up on the 3rd place club, also in line to move up to Ligat Haal.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for hapoel tel aviv

Now we’re ready for the Relegation fun.  And Noob rips off a classic tune.

  1. Genoa vs. Hellas Verona – Serie A

Noob likes football in Italia/ Gonna make my way to Stadio Bentegod-a/ B-e—n—t—a-goaad-ah./

Genoa’s climbed up to 12th place/ While the visitors find themselves in Relegation Zone-ah/ Hellas Verona.

Hellas Veroohh-nahhhh!  Duhn duhduh dah duhnduhn…. *guitar riff*

RESULT:   Genoa   3-1

  1. Cibalia vs. Slaven – Croatia First League

Last place Cibalia are only two points from safety.  Slaven is #7 in this ten-team league, the 16th-ranked one in Europe.

Fun Fact:  Cibalia is named for the ancient Roman settlement Colonia Aurelia Cibalae.

RESULT:   Slaven   1-3

Image result for colonia aurelia cibalae

7.  Olympiakos Nicosia vs. Alki Oroklinis – Cyprus First Division

Three more spots down the UEFA rankings is the on-the-rapid rise Cypriot league.  Speaking of down, that’s exactly where the hosts are headed today.

Cyprus has already Relegated its bottom two teams in the table.   The next several have been battling in a Playout subdivision to see which one other also gets The Boot.  O.N. have to win all four of their matches and make-up 22 goals in goal differential to save themselves, while the next team up loses all of theirs.  Not happening.

RESULT:   Oroklini   0-3     And so it goes for Olympiakos Nicosia.   Second division.   Noob feels so empty inside…

Club crest

 

 

Fun Fact:  Black and green club colors for O.N.

Not sure what’s up with the tent-house thingie though.

  1. Deportivo Pasto vs. Chico FC – Colombia Premier A

Colombia Relegates two teams using results over three seasons.  Chico’s sucked in all of them.  Still, Pasto is only one spot above them in the table this season, so this might be Chico’s best shot at a road win for a while.

Fun Fact:  Chico are from Boyaca, a snooty, rich neighborhood of Bogota.

RESULT:   Pasto   3-0

Image result for boyaca funny

 

 

Had to go so fast, ghosted right out of his lame hoodie.

  1. Rapide Oued Zem vs. Ittihad Tanger – Morocco Botola Pro

Second-to-last hosts 1st in Africa’s 6th-ranked league.

Fun Fact:  Oued Zem isn’t really the name of the club.  My cat walked across the keyboard and Noob  just doesn’t care.

The Management here:  Noob is allergic to cats.  He owns no cat.  Thank you for your endurance.  — The Management.

RESULT:   RCOZ   2-0     It’s a Relegation Monday miracle!

10.  Heartland Owerri vs. Plateau United – Nigeria Pro League

Nigeria’s top league is ranked 12th on the continent, the lowest one to still receive multiple bids to its Champions League.  And they must be frustrated about it, because they Relegate four of their 20 teams each year.

Heartland are tied for last, hosting a disappointing 12th-place Plateau team that fared a lot better in 2016-17.

Fun Fact:  One of Heartland’s nicknames is “The Soccer Scientists”.

RESULT:   1-1     So close!   Plateau get the equalizer at 90′.

Image result for soccer scientist

 

 

If Soccer Scientists want to be cooler, they should at least get some Beats by Dre.  

‘10 to Track’ soccer matches for Sunday, 4/22

The ten most important matches to follow for us- the newish American fans- get a quick-and-dirty treatment today.

Why?  You may believe, you may not. The Management often casts doubts on my claims here, soccer-y and otherwise.

Noober worked 11 hours, then stayed up WAY too late playing tournament-style Scrabble with a fellow burgeoning expert.   I tried writing at 2am, but literally couldn’t keep the thoughts together in my noggin. And I had an early start to get to a thing with the Christian Motorcycle Association, though I am neither a pastor nor biker.

*bonnnngggg*

Uno!  Seattle Sounders vs. Minnesota United – MLS

Uaually-powerful Seattle can’t score so far this early season.  Minnesota are not too great then or now   This one’s on ESPN, maybe 4pm Eastern.

RESULT:   Seattle   3-0

Numero  B!  Orlando Pride vs Houston Dash – NWSL

It’s a battle of Swamp City- women’s teams!  Orlando so far haven’t shown much like they did last year. Houston still isn’t good.

The Management says cities built on swamps are worthy of our scorn, and Noob’s on board. Root for 0-0 and fatigue.

RESULT:   Orlando   1-0

Tres!  Santos vs UNAM Pumas – Liga MX

#2 hosts #10. Santos are already guaranteed a spot in the postseason Liguilla. Pumas can get in that top right still, as the table is tight. But this is a tough must-win on the road.

RESULT:   Pumas   1-2    Pumas climb up into a tie for 6th with two matches to go in the regular season.

4.  Chelsea vs Southampton – FA Cup

Southampton would like a trophy. Who wouldn’t?  But perhaps they should conserve their starters’ energies for league play.  They’re in the Relegation Zone.

And Chelsea will be super motivated since it looks like they will do no better than 5th in league, miss out on the next Champion League.

RESULT:   Chelsea   2-0

Cinco!  Manchester City vs Lyon – UEFA women’s Champions League

Two unsurprising, traditional powers face off in today’s Semifinal. Lyon are, if memory serves, the three-time defending champs.  This is the first of two legs.

RESULT:   0-0

Seis!  Juventus vs Napoli – Serie A

Italy’s #1 and 2!  This has been a treeee-mendous title race. Juve now lead by four in the table though. Napoli needs a result here, or it may be all over.

RESULT:   Napoli   0-1    High drama!   With a set piece-header in the 90′, Napoli pull to within one of Juve.   They have four league matches each left to play.

Siete!  Club Brugge vs Standard Liege – Belgium First División A

#1 hosts #4 in the league’s postseason table. Maybe a Deluxe Liege would have a chance today. Standard won’t.

RESULT:   4-4     Standard gets the equalizer at 90′!

Ocho!  Hadjuk Split vs Dinamo Zagreb – Croatia First Division

#1 vs #2!  HJ have some of the most notorious hooligans around.  Follow this one just for the body count.

RESULT:   D.Z.   1-2     Zagreb opens up an eight-point lead in the table.   That’s likely it for the title.

Nueve!  AZ Alkmaar vs Feyenoord – Netherlands FA Cup

The final!  The league’s #4 and 3 teams.  This is their season. Neither is likely to qualify for CL.

RESULT:   Feyenoord   0-3

Dies! Diez?  How rusty is Noob’s Spanish?!  Penarol vs Nacional- Uruguay Premier

It’s not Brazil or Argentina, but it’s the top two in this country!  Impress the opposite sex with your knowledge of the mighty three-U nation of footyball just knowing the club names.

RESULT:   1-1

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Saturday (4/21) – MLS, UEFA leagues, bad Zlatan-wear

The ten most important matches for us, the newish American fans.  Things go from important to absolutely paramount in Europe when the seasons are hitting their climaxes.

Before we get to those – ‘Muricuh!

  1. L.A. Galaxy vs. Atlanta United – MLS

What a different a year can make!   The talk if the league is the Galaxy’s signing of international megastar striker Zlatan Ibrahimovich, but it’s actually their defense that has that #B in the West.

Atlanta United will test that defense.  They’re #3 in the tougher Eastern Conference.  The game kicks off 9:00 PM Eastern on NBA League Pass 6.

RESULT:   ATL   0-2

Image result for zlatan odd

 

 

Now that he’s in L.A., I guess he can stop wearing crazy lady’s gift sweater.

B.  Columbus Crew vs. New England Revolution – MLS

Your Major League Soccer undercard pits the #4 team in the East against #3.  The Revs have improved their defense after missing the playoffs last season.  They’d been on quite a roll until getting skunked at home by Dallas.

Columbus have been skunkier though, not scoring in consecutive matches and losing three straight.  But they’ve been creating chances, getting a little unlikely hitting wood repeatedly.  Noob strongly feels the Crew will right their ship today.   (7:30 PM, NBA League Pass 7)

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for letter B skunk

 

 

 

Number B, about to learn a hard lesson about skunkiness.

  1. North Carolina Courage vs. Utah Royals – NWSL

The good news for expansion Utah – they’ve only allowed two goals in three matches.  The bad news – they’ve only scored once.  The worse news – they travel to defending regular season champions Courage today.   (3:30 PM, Lifetime)

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Necaxa vs. UANL Tigres – Liga MX

Tigres are tied for 3rd with just three Clausura (second half-season) matches to go, but they have yet to secure a top-eight, postseason Liguilla spot.  Tigres are part of a three-way tie for 9th place, just a point shy of 8th.

Neither team gives up many goals.  If you like defense, this one is available to ogle at 10:00 PM on ESPN Deportes.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for Mexican defense

 

 

The Mexican Hornet Defense.

Really, it’s called that.

  1. Manchester United vs. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur – FA Cup

Noob-reviled, traitorously-named Hotspur face off against Man Utd in the Semifunal, at Wembley (neutral). Man U’s  slight edge on defense  should make them a winner today.  (12:15 PM, Fox Deportes)

RESULT:   Man U   2-1

  1. Barcelona vs. Sevilla – Copa del Rey

It’s the Final!  Sevilla have had a tremendous run in Spain’s FA Cup, especially given that they’re only in 7th in La Liga.  That run ends today in Madrid, and won’t end well for them.  Barcelona have yet to lose a league match all year.  Barca by two feels right.   (3:30 PM, ESPNEWS)

RESULT:   Barca   5-0

Image result for copa del rey trophy 2018

  1. RB Leipzig vs. 1899 Hoffenheim – Bundesliga

With four matches to go, that is also the number of points by which Leipzig trail 4th place Borussia Dortmund for the league’s last Champions League invite.  Hoffenheim (and Frankfurt) in turn only trail Leipzig by a point.

Leipzig are hardly falling apart, but Hoffenheim are peaking at the perfect time.  They’ve not lost in seven straight matches.  If they can push the ball today, a pivotal road win should be in their grasp.   (9:30 AM, Fox Soccer Plus)

RESULT:   Hoffenheim   2-5     Hoffenheim move into 5th

  1. SPAL 2013 vs. AS Roma – Serie A

Roma, Lazio, and Inter – one’s not going to Champions League.  The race for the last two of the four CL slot Italy is tight and then some.  Roma and Lazio are tied, with Inter lurking just a point behind.

SPAL are only one slot above the Relegation Zone, so they are not without a reason to fight.  They can’t score in general, and they’re unlikely to against defensive juggernaut Roma.   (9:00 AM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:  Roma 0-3

Image result for SPAL meme

 

 

Meaning?  No clue.

Terrified?  You betcha.

  1. Shakhtar Donetsk vs. Vorskla – Ukraine Premier

This the #8 league in Europe, a real rising power, getting two CL berths this year.  They’ve replaced Poland as Noob’s under-the-radar league to watch.

Shakhtar are the goal-scoring giant here.  Vorskla are in 3rd, and have overachieved in getting there.  They won’t score today, get run roughshod over.

RESULT:   S.D.   4-2

  1. Phoenix Rising vs. Swope Park Rangers – USL

Noob loves him some second-tier footyball.  On the weekend, though, usually their matches give way to top-flight leagues.  I’d scouted a sweet UAE match with which to finish today’s Track, but Al Nasr has since fallen out of the top quarter of their league table.  Denied!

These both made the playoffs last year.  Just a handful of games into this season, they’re in position again.  That said, Rangers appear to have fallen off defensively.  A lot.  Noobstradamus says Phoenix’s offensive will finally break out, net them a 3-1 win today.

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for noobstradamus

 

 

Phoenix Rising are about to get hot.  But it’ll be a dry heat.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Globetrotting Friday (4/20) – MLS, NWSL, Liga MX keep us closer to home

TGIGF!  yet today, we won’t be hitting the soccer hinterlands quite like usual.  This is a rare Friday sched that’s chock full of great matches, in leagues Noob covers and you crave.

  1. Sporting Kansas City vs. Vancouver Whitecaps – MLS

Nearly every team has played five games, an arbitrary benchmark Noob uses to stop leaning on the previous seasons’ stats so heavily and look at what’s in front of us.

So what’s in front of us?  KC is #1 in the West, and they’re doing it with a wide-open style.  They lead the league in offense.  Vancouver is in 3rd.  They’re two road wins this early are impressive.  But ultimately, this team isn’t scoring enough goals.  Bad matchup for them today.

Noob’s thinking KC 3-0.  The Management should be pleased, since he is pro-all things KC.   (9:00 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass)

RESULT:   KC   6-0

Image result for happy Manager funny

 

Where were you hiding that cake, The Management?

Noob likes chocolate cake.  Noob will root for KC.

B.  Washington Spirit vs. Portland Thorns – NWSL

In 2 Corinthians, Paul writes of a thorn in his flesh.  Three times he prayed for its removal.  Each time, the Lord told him His grace would be sufficient instead.

Noob’s not quite sure how this can fit here, but I will say Washington needs to pray here.  The Capitol gals finished in last in 2017.  Just three games in this year they are better.  But they aren’t playing any defense, and that’s not going to bode well against the defending champs.

RESULT   1-1

Image result for holy letter B

 

 

Number B,. any chance that Holy Spirit-dove is Washington’s mascot?

  1. Puebla vs. CF America – Liga MX

Two matches two go in the Clausura (second half-season).  America sit in 3rd, and are all but mathematically guaranteed a Liguilla slot, top-eight finish.

Puebla are in 13th – not out, but on life support.  Their GD isn’t all that bad, but their guests today are tied for the best defense in the league.   Must win for “The Sweet Potatoers”.     (8:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Puebla   3-1      Puebla pulls into a three-way tie for 9th, just a point behind the two teams tied for 8th

  1. Dijon vs. Lyon – Ligue 1

France’s slip in the UEFA rankings this year means they only get three Champions League invites now.  This has Lyon sweating bullets.  They’re tied for 3rd with Marseille.  Dijon shouldn’t present a problem today, except that the game is there.  One never knows what the road may bring.    (3:00 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   Lyon   2-5

Image result for mustard problem

 

 

 

Lies!  Clearly there is a problem related to mustard.

  1. Connah’s Quay vs. T.N.S. – Welsh Premier

It’s #B vs. #1!   That’s always eye-catching for Noob, even if The New Saints have already claimed the league title.  TNS score close to twice as much as anyone else, but will they be motivated now?

CQ are in position to get the only automatic Europa League berth here, but only lead Bangor City by three in the table.

RESULT:   TNS   1-3

  1. Millwall vs. Fulham – English Championship League

This may only be second-tier football, but this league has ranked as high as 14th before in the overall UEFA rankings.  And this match should be a doozy.

Millwall are in 6th, with competition hot on their heels for that last spot in the Promotion Playoffs.  Fulham are in 3rd and guaranteed at least a PP spot already.  But they’re also only a point behind #B Cardiff City.  If they can pass them, they’ll be automatically moved up to Premier League.

RESULT:   Fulham   0-3     Fulham climb to #B by two points, though one must note they’ve played two more matches than #3 Cardiff.  

Image result for hot british heels

 

“Hot on their heels”.  English Sexy Pointed Toe Shoes.

Not bad, Dan the Intern-o Inferno.  But find some better ankles next time.

  1. Braga vs. Maritimo – Primeira Liga

Portugal’s is the highest-ranked league (#7) to only get two Champions League slots.  This means Braga has work to do.  They’re in 4th, six points behind #B Benfica.  Maritimo are tied for 5th, but they’re merely playing to be the best of the rest.  Big gap between the top four and all others here.

RESULT:   Braga   2-0     Braga move into a tie for 3rd.  They’ve played one more match than Sporting CP with whom they’re tied though.

  1. Istanbul Basaksehir vs. Kayserispor – Turkey Super Lig

A reminder:  This is a top 10 league in Europe.  We pay attention.

Galatasaray – 60, Besiktas 59, Istanbul 59.  Fenerbahce 57.  Say hello to the most dramatic league finish coming.  Five matches remain for everyone.  Just two will make CL.

I.B. are better on both sides of the ball than the #6 visitors today, should take care of business.  Kayser aren’t playing for any Euro-postseason.

RESULT:   Istanbul   3-1   I.B. move into 1st.  They’ve played one more match than the teams right behind them though.

Image result for giant turkey leg

 

 

Um, Dan the Intern-o Inferno?  Turkey Super Lig.  LIG.

Cute though.

  1. Reims vs. AC Ajaccio – Ligue 2

Congrats, Ligue 2!  Noob had a Paraguayan game scouted for this slot today, but Independiente fell out of the top quarter of their league.  Denied!

France’s second division automatically promotes two to Ligue 1 annually.  Reims are #1 and they’re unlikely to be caught now.  ACA are #3.  That’s good to make the league’s Promotion Playoffs, but they’re also just a point behind #B Nimes.

RESULT:   Reims   1-0

  1. Melbourne City vs. Brisbane Roar – Australia A-League

More denial!  Noob had an Algerian Ligue 1 match all lined up, but Hussein Day fell off the radar like Independiente.

Instead, we finish our globetrotting Down Under.  It’s the Playoffs!  The top two regular season finishers are getting byes.  Four more face off in Knockout matches to see who plays the league leaders.

Melbourne City finished third, Brisbane 6th.  Noob has confirmed that the Playoff champions – not the regular season champion – gets an Asian Champions League invite.  While not confirmed, Noob assumes the loser of the Playoff final will get the other invite.

RESULT:   Melbourne City   2-0

Image result for denied funny

 

 

 

Good thing this makes sense.

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches (4/17-19) – Champions League(s!) me!

Noob is about to make the long trek home from a wedding, so the Midweek Track gives you three days in one post.  Only the choicest ten matches for us, the newish American fans, could be included.

Savor them, and Noob’ll be back posting for Globetrotting Friday.

Tuesday, 4/17

  1. Toronto vs. Guadalajara – CONCACAF Champions League

The Final!   It will happen over two legs, and the Canadiaian side hosts the first.  Liga MX teams about always win this thing, so all MLS would love to see a changing of the guard.

It’s perhaps too early in the season to say tons about defending MLS champ Toronto beyond that they’re here and that Guadalajara isn’t the toughest Mexican side they’ve faced (that was CF America).  Guadalajara have slipped to 13th in their league, probably won’t make the postseason Liguilla.

It might be tough to find an English language broadcast, but enjoy at 8:15 PM Eastern on Univision.

RESULT:   Guadalajara   1-2     The problem isn’t just the loss, it’s that they gave up two away-goals.   It wouldn’t be enough for Toronto to win 0-1 in Mexico.

concacaf-champions-league-ball

 

Winners get to pick the color/s of next year’s tournament ball.

Or here’s to hoping, because bleh!

B.  Inter Milan vs. Cagliari – Serie A

Italy gets four Champions League berths.  Inter is tied is in 5th, odd men out.  For the moment.  They’re only a point behind the two clubs ahead of them.  Cagliari are merely in 14th, so this is a “Hiccup Watch” match for Inter.   No margin for error, the season is nearly completed.    (2:45 PM, Rai Italia)

RESULT:   Inter   4-0

Image result for pepperoni letter B

 

 

It’s not delivery.  It’s Number B!

  1. Lokomotiv Tashkent vs. Zob Ahan – AFC Champions League

The top two finishers from each Group of four will advance to the Knockout Round in Asia’s CL.  Time for the sixth and final matches of this stage.

These two are tied for that second spot.  Tashkent have the better overall goal differential, but the tiebreaker in this tournament is head-to-head.  Zob Ahan lead there, so Tashkent have to have the win to survive.  These two are very evenly-rated, so the Uzbeks have the advantage on their own pitch today.

So is it too ethnocentric or something of Noob to think that Iranian Zob Ahan’s name sounds like a movie supervillain?

RESULT:   1-1     Zob Ahan advances

  1. Les Herbiers vs. Chambly – Coupe de France

Earlier in this event, Les Herbiers were in a featured match labeled “Minnow Watch” status.  They reside in France’s third tier league.  Today, they’ve playing in a Semifinal of France’s FA Cup.  And they’re not even the underdog.

Chambly are in Championnat National as well.  But while the hosts today are only midtable, Chambly are bottom three, below the league’s Relegation Line.  The winner will either get Ligue 1’s Caen or #1 PSG.  Against whom they will get embarrassingly mauled.

RESULT:   Les Herbiers   2-0

Image result for FC Chambly funny

 

The houses just by themselves next to Chambly’s pitch kinda look just 2D.  Odd.

 

Wednesday, 4/18

  1. North Carolina Courage vs. Seattle Reign – NWSL

They’re only three games into the league season, but these two are #1 and #B.  The Courage won the playoffs and league title last year after a #B regular season finish.  Seattle had finished 5th.

RESULT:   North Carolina   1-0

  1. Sacramento Republic vs. Colorado Springs Switchbacks – USL

Welcome to USL, Sacramento!  Last year, there were two second-tier leagues in America.  But the NASL is now on its seeming way to defunctness.

A few teams from there moved over.  Sac-town are off to a great start early, in 3rd.  Colorado Springs missed the USL playoffs last year, but are playing better defense early here.

RESULT:   Sacramento   2-1

Check out D-Twosday interviews from last season right here at Noob!  Get the real *cough cough* stories on NASL-ness.

  1. Independiente vs. Corinthians – Copa Libertadores

South America’s Champions League – the group stage continues.  The top two finishers from each pod of four will advance to the Knockout Stage.

Corinthians are Brazil’s top entry (other than defending champ Gremio), ranked #12 in the continent.  Argentina’s Independiente are only #31, but they’re experienced at winning.  Last year, they won Copa Sudamericana (S.A.’s answer to Europa League).  These two lead their Group.

RESULT:   Corinthians   0-1

Image result for experience is everything funny

 

 

This… doesn’t seem relevant.  At all.

  1. Vardar Skopje vs. Shkendija – Macedonia Prva Liga

#37-ranked league of 55 in UEFA.  The league title drama is long gone.  Why, Noob?  There were so many other matches to choose from, like smaller nations’ FA Cup semifinals.

Because it’s #1 vs. #B!  Shkendija are up in the table by an astounding 20 points.  They win their games by more than two goals each on average.  We celebrate the greatness.  Even small-country greatness.

RESULT:   Shkendija   2-3

Thursday, 4/19

  1. Burnley vs. Chelsea – English Premier

Defending champs Chelsea are seven points out of 4th and a Champions League slot.  Improbably, but not impossible.  Burnley are 7th, just two points out of 6th, which earns a Europa League invite.

Burnley have been absolutely on fire of late.  Sure, they’ve done it against some of the lesser teams of the league, but five wins in a row is impressive just the same.  Chelsea have been hit and miss the last several weeks, yet largely because they’ve played a tough slate of top league teams and been playing Champions League.   (2:45 PM, NBCSN)

RESULT:   Chelsea   1-2

Image result for sad chelsea fan

 

Chelsea, we don’t wanna hear anything more from you unless it’s, “We just passed dreaded Hotspur in the table.”

  1. Midtjylland vs. Brondby – Danish Superliga

Denmark’s is one of the best leagues (#17) to only get one Champions League invite.  These two are tied for 1st, with no close competition coming up behind them.  Seven matches to go, winner take all.

RESULT:   Brondby   2-3     Midtjylland blows a 2-0 lead

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Relegation Monday (4/16) – The rise of the suckitude!

With the biggest European leagues sorting themselves out at the tops of their tables now, it feels more appropriate than ever to be spending a Monday focused on teams at the opposite ends.

Share these teams’ burdens, embrace their pain and desperation!  Get to know them before they disappear like farts in the wind.

  1. West Ham United vs. Stoke City – English Premier

Stoke occupy the second-to-last spot in the table, six points from being above the Relegation line.  The worst defense in the league likely leads them down to the second-tier Championship league next season.

West Ham are 15th, so this is as close to a gettable road win chance for Stroke as can be asked.  Their defense is nearly as shoddy, though they score more to make up for it.

Fun Fact:  Stoke used to have a supporter club called “The Naughty Forty”, one of the worst-behaved in England.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for Stoke City sad

 

Stoke City manager soothes sad player by petting back of his head.  

Good thing that’s not creepy…

B.  Mainz 05 vs. SC Freiberg – Bundesliga

Mainz are in 16th – third-to-last in the table.   This would put them in position to face the 3rd-place 2. Bundesliga team at season’s end for the right to stay in the top tier.  They’re five points ahead of the next club down, so could be starting to at least feel safe from getting auto-demoted.

Freiberg are a spot and three points higher in the table.   They’re not as good as Mainz for scoring goals.  Noob likes the home side to win today and avoid the Relegation issue entirely, pushing Freiberg down into the possible Drop Zone.

Fun Fact:  One of Mainz’s nicknames is “The Carnival Club”.

RESULT:   Mainz   2-0

Image result for sad letter B

 

Be not sad, Number B.   You’re not getting Relegated in favor of “2”.

And get it together.  You look awful today.   That’s said with love.

 

3.  Bray Wanderers vs. Shamrock Rovers – League of Ireland Premier

Bray, are you even trying this season?  Noob would say “no”, but you have managed one draw so far.  South Dublin’s midtable Rovers should roll over them.

Fun Fact:  Bray was formed when some players left over a dispute in the ’20s with a club called “St. Kevin’s Gaelic”.

RESULT:   Bray   1-0

  1. Osmanlispor vs. Trabzonspor – Turkey Super Lig

Europe’s 10th-best league has the most dramatic, four-way race going at the top.   Things at the bottom are tense as well.  Karabukpor are going down.  Beyond them, the next seven teams in the league are separated by just seven points.

Second-to-last-place Osmanlispor struggle enough on both sides of the ball that it feels unlikely they can climb out of Relegation.  The only advantage they have over 5th-place their guests today is that Trabz are too far out of 4th to make even Europa League.  They’re just not playing for anything.

Fun Fact:  Osmanlispor’s club also sponsors ice hockey and boxing, amongst others.

RESULT:   3-3     Osman get the equalizer at 83′

Image result for there is no point to anything funny

 

Lame pun?  Sure.

Care?  Nopers!

  1. Olympiacos vs. Kerkyra – Superleague Greece

Bottom two get the heave-ho here.  Platanias are already mathematically out.  Kerkyra are next up.  At least they’re only four behind the next two teams.

The bad news for them is they travel to the 3rd-place team today.   Olynpiacos are just a point out of #B and a Champions League berth.  (And they’d be there already if not for having been docked points in the table for exceedingly nawtee fan behavior.

Fun Fact:  Kerkyra is also known as Corfu, an Ionian island.

RESULT:   Olympiacos   5-1

  1. Hobro vs. Silkeborg – Denmark Superliga

Denmark’s top league have divided now into a championship subdivision and two four-team Relegation groups.  The bottom two in each group of four will play in a Relegation Playout with each other.

Silkeborg have the best chance of climbing out of that Playout, but are seven points behind next-up Hobro.  That best chance isn’t much of one, especially considering their sieve-like defense.

Fun Fact:  Hjejlen is the world’s oldest steamboat and still tours off Silkeborg.

RESULT:   Hobro   1-0

Image result for hjejlen

  1. Alki Oroklinis vs. Ermis Aradippou – Cypriot First Division

Cyrpus’ league also divides late in the year.   But the bottom two teams don’t get a chance to save their seasons by participating in the Relegation subdivision.  They’re just Booted.

The next six up from the bottom do get that chance.  One will be demoted from there.  Neither of these teams is really in any danger, truth be told.  Oroklinis are 12 points better than the last-place team here, and Aradippou are higher still.

Fun Fact:  Oroklini is a town of not much more than 6,000 people.

RESULT:   E.A.   2-3

  1. Guayaquil City vs. Barcelona SC – Ecuador Serie A

Full disclosure:  Noob’s not 100% certain any team is getting demoted out of this league this season.  But if there is one, Guayaquil hold the distinction early.  They’re the league’s one remaining winless club.  That’s unlikely to change against the league’s #1 today.

Fun Fact:  The club was, in part, started in partnership with Argentina’s River Plate club.

RESULT:   BSC   0-1

Image result for arroz con menestra y carne asada guayaquil

 

Rice with lentils and grilled a beef – a specifically Guayquilian dish

  1. Al Nasr vs. El Raja Marsa Matruh – Egypt Premier

Al Nasr, we hardly knew ye.  The bottom three get demoted from this league, and today’s hosts are too far gone to recover.

But there is hope for second-to-last place Al Raja.  They are just five points from daylight.  They can’t score to save their lives typically, but having something to play for should make the difference.  Noobstradamus senses this will be a weird 1-2 match, with two own-goals involved.

RESULT:   Al Nasr   3-1    Three unanswered goals for the win

Image result for noobstradamus

 

 

It’s a very specific vision.  I’m clearly a very specific guy, ladies.

  1. Al-Rayyan vs. Al-Ain – AFC Champions League

Groups of four have been dueling in Asia’s CL.   The top two from each advance to the next round.

UAE’s Al-Ain lead the Qatari by a point in the table for the #B spot, so it’s win or go home for Al-Rayyan.  To give a comparative idea, Noobites, Al-Rayyan would compete for a conference title in MLS.  Al-Ain would win one, if not necessarily run completely away with it.

RESULT:   Al Ain   1-4

’10 to Track’ soccer matches, Sunday (4/15) – MLS, the best of UEFA, and the rise of Number B

The ten best soccer matches to follow, for us, the newish American soccer fans!  Weekends bring out the very best.

Noob acts as your filter and guide, Noobites.   But if you’ve got the time, Google up even more scores today.  The European scheds in particular were chock full  of sensational matches.  Couldn’t fit them all!

  1. Atlanta United vs. NYCFC – MLS

#B hosts the last undefeated and #1 in the East in a fabulous finish to the soccer weekend.   Catch this one FS1 at 6:00 PM Eastern.  Atlanta’s only in its second year and the fan support is unreal.  They’ll have 45,000 on hand probably.

Both teams made the playoffs last year.  NYCFC has added some offense to its repertoire now, so this will be a superb showcase.

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for atlanta united attendance record

 

 

Atlanta already hold the MLS single-game attendance record.

B.  Portland Thorns vs. Orlando Pride – NWSL

Last season’s #2 and #3 face off here.  Portland won of their first two.  Swamp City-Orlando have yet to do so.

RESULT:   Portland   2-1

Image result for swamp letter B

 

 

Number B, rising from the swamp to teach you a lesson, Orlando.

  1. UNAM Pumas vs. Puebla – Liga MX

12th place hosts 11th in a match that actually matters, despite those numbers.  They’re really both tied for 10th in the table, but down on tiebreakers.  More, they’re only a point out of 8th, and top eight make the postseason Liguilla.

Noob thinks Necaxa are the ones who will win this midtable game of Mexican musical chair.  With only three matches to go in the Clausura (second half-season), one of these two needs to win today to have a chance.  Draws won’t cut it.

RESULT:   Pumas   4-2     UNAM climbs into a tie for 9th

  1. Newcastle United vs. Arsenal – Premier League

Arsenal’s quest for a top-four finish and Champions League berth is good and gone.  In 6th now, they seem headed to Europa League.

Newcastle are having a fabulous season.  If they can actually manage to hold onto 10th place (or even climb), it would be special.  They were only just promoted to Premier this season.   (8:30 AM, NBCSN)

RESULT:   Newcastle   2-1     In other EPL news, congrats to Man City, finally clinching the league title!

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Badass seahorses.

Ok.

Tallyho!

  1. Paris Saint-Germain vs. AS Monaco – Ligue 1

PSG has all but officially dethroned last season’s champion.  AS Monaco are #B, now just must worry about holding onto a Champions League invite.  France’s league has dropped out of the top four in UEFA rankings, and so now only gets three CL spots.

RESULT:   PSG   7-1

  1. Lazio vs. AS Roma – Serie A

Primo intracity rivalry!   And a wildly important one to boot.  Three teams are tied for the final two slots in the table that will earn CL berths.

Lazio plays some questionable-at-best-defense, but scores enough to make up for it.  Roma don’t score tons usually, and Noob thinks they’ll be the odd team out in the end.

RESULT:   0-0

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Oh yes, we will be entertained.

 

  1. Independiente vs. Boca Juniors – Argentina Premier

They’re heading down the home stretch, and Independiente have work to do.  They’re a point out of 5th and a Copa Libertadores spot.  Today, the get a bad matchup, hosting the league #1, the only team that’s already guaranteed to be in the next CL.  Juniors are every bit as good on defense, and heaps better at scoring.

RESULT:   Independiente   1-0    Independiente climbs to 3rd

  1. Benfica vs. Porto – Primeira Liga

The race in Portugal has seriously heated up, is now maybe the most entertaining in Europe.  They’re heading into the final leg of the season, and Benfica only lead Porto for 1st by a point.  More, the next two clubs are just five points back.  Top match of the weekend!

RESULT:   Porto   0-1    Porto to 1st!

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Even hotter than Portuguese VW-racing.

  1. Galatasaray vs. Istanbul Basaksehir – Turkey Super Lig

And here’s the league giving Portugal a run for its money for a great race.  Istanbul is tied for 1st and Galatasaray are in a tie for 3rd just two points behind.  And this is also a top-10 league in Europe, if just.

Galatasaray was in a match featured this past Relegation Monday and suffered a 1-0 defeat at the hands of one of the league’s worst teams.   It’s looking like it might cost them a CL slot, as Turkey gets two.

RESULT:   Galatasaray   2-0   A new #1!

  1. PSV Eindhoven vs. Ajax – Netherlands Eredivisie

The weekend of Tracking finishes off with another #1 vs. #B.  PSV leads Ajax by seven in the table, so this is pretty much must-win for Ajax regarding the title.  But they’re five points clear of 3rd place for the league’s second and final CL spot, so a draw doesn’t wreck their whole campaign.

RESULT:   Eindhoven   3-0     Congrats to Eindhoven on winning the league!

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A truly wrecked campaign