Isle of Sodor Premier League – IN REVIEW – matchday 35 (5/11-12): Down to three in title hunt, more Relegation do-si-do

Image result for English Premier League trophyThe Isle of Sodor FA congratulate their English Premier League cousins on a stellar finish to a captivating season!   Manchester City ran the table after 1/29.  One-loss Liverpool finished as the runners-up with most points in EPL history.  Gofightwin.   Now, IoS PL have their own high drama to complete!

Tied-for-1st Peel Godred and Dryaw had home matches against Relegation candidate clubs they were expected to win.  The weekend’s Feature Match was #3 Knapford Town hosting the tougher #7 outfit.  Could KTFC keep  presumed pace two points back of  the co-leaders?

Here are the updated table and weekend results:

Sat., 5/11
T1   Dryaw                         2   vs.   0       #19  Tidmouth City
#11  Marron                      2   vs.   0      #20  Arlesburgh Utd.
#3   Knapford Town     11   vs.   5        #7  Wellsworth
T1   Peel Godred              7   vs.   3       T17  Ulfstead
#9   Glennock                  4   vs.   4      #14  Castle Rolf

Sun., 5/12
#12  Vicarstown              8   vs.   5      #16  Brendam Utd.
#15  Brendam Harbor   7   vs.   0     #8    East Coast Diesel
#10  Suddery                   12   vs.   4     #6    J&S
#13  Lakeside                  12   vs.   3      #5   Crovan’s Gate
T17  Ffarquhar                 3   vs.   1       #4   Kirk Ronan

Review Highlights

* Top three remain the same. #3 Knapford Town puts on an offensive clinic in beating #7 Wellsworth.

* We bid farewell to #4 Kirk Ronan as a title contender. Another loss has left them eight points behind the league leaders with just three Matchdays remaining.

* It was Ffarquhar that beat KRFC. The win vaults them out of their former tie on the Relegation line with weekend losers Ulfstead and ahead of losers Brendam United as well.

Feature Match in Review

Image result for Knapford Town FCLet’s hear it for the grounds crew at Knapford Town, credit them with this W!   Their pitch was not soggy as some others.   Last Wednesday, a storm swept over the entire Isle, leaving pitches waterlogged.  Noob predicted a 2-2 draw in the Matchday Preview post largely based on that.

But the aeration program KTFC‘s pitch caretakers put in place has been second to none!   Couple that with the fact that the underlying ground isn’t as clayey as many parts of Sodor and the pitch and conditions weren’t terribly sodden, if hardly dry.

PictureWellsworth practiced on the field, but didn’t fully process just how OK the pitch was going to be by kickoff.   They were in their poor-weather cleats.  KTFC – in their standard gear – ran absolute circles around them, figuratively and sometimes literally, scoring from all over their offensive third.  When halftime and a chance for the visitors to change into proper footwear arrived, they were already down 7-0.

Three Matchdays to go!     The FA have made a slight adjustment to the remaining sched:

Matchday 36      Sat./Sun.      5/18-19
Matchday 37      Wed.               5/22
Matchday 38*    Sun.               5/26

* previously, the matches were to be Sat./Sun. this weekend


Isle of Sodor Premier League matchday 35 (5/11-12) – All the hotness on Saturday

The top three teams – the legitimate remaining title contenders with four matches to go – are all in action Saturday.   Here’s the Matchday 35 complete weekend schedule:

Sat., 5/11
T1   Dryaw                         vs.   #19  Tidmouth City
#11  Marron                      vs.   #20  Arlesburgh Utd.
#3   Knapford Town      vs.    #7  Wellsworth
T1   Peel Godred              vs.   T17  Ulfstead
#9   Glennock                  vs.   #14  Castle Rolf

Sun., 5/12
#12  Vicarstown              vs.   #16  Brendam Utd.
#15  Brendam Harbor   vs.   #8   East Coast Diesel
#10  Suddery                     vs.   #6   J&S
#13  Lakeside                    vs.   #5   Crovan’s Gate
T17  Ffarquhar                  vs.   #4   Kirk Ronan

Image result for Knapford Town FCLast weekend saw Peel Godred catch up with Dryaw FC, tie them for 1st place.  Knapford Town FC, despite having had all the seeming momentum versus previously fading (#4) Kirk Ronan team, got thrashed 4-10.  Still, KTFC only trail the leaders by two points.

PictureSo, for the second week in a row, their match will get Featured status.  #7 Wellsworth will be no easy meat coming to town.  They’re 2-2 in their last four, including a road W over then-#7 East Coast Diesel.  But they’ve lacked consistency on offense, scoring 1, 14, 6 and 1 over that stretch.  If KTFC can keep them on their heels early, they won’t likely recover.

Knapford Town are 2-1-1 in over their last four.   Earlier in the season, they were losing all their close matches, only winning when in blowout fashion.  Lately, that’s been flipped on its head.  Their margin for for error is slim.  Only two points down, yes.  But Dryaw and PGFC both host Relegation candidates today.  They likely can’t afford to drop any points here.

Noob’s call:    I think KTFC will recover from giving up that ten-spot to Kirk Ronan last week, at least defensively.   Also, pitch conditions will be soggy after the midweek storm that swept over Sodor.   Pace will be slowed.   The title race becomes even more two-teamed as this one ends 2-2.

A little about Knapford the town and Sodor.   Knapford is one of the two "main towns" on the Isle.   Tidmouth - just to the north of them here on the west-southwest coast - is the larger settlement.   One might expect the larger areas (ie: Vicarsrtown) to be on the east side of Sodor - "facing" England - but no.

Both Knapford and Tidmouth are port towns.  Knapford deals a little more with imported goods, whereas Tidmouth leans some on more local products and the uranium mines nearby.  Knapforders consider their town to be the transportation capital of the island, but are no more or less so than Tidmouth really.

Soccer-wise, Tidmouth are besting their intra-city rivals by quite a lot.  Knapford's other PL team is Junction & Sheds, which sit in 8th place.  Meanwhile, Tidmouth City are almost certainly going to be Relegated.  Tidmouth Works FC didn't even qualify for the Premier this inaugural year, though they're in position to get Promoted from the Championship in all likelihood.

Noob will update the Saturday scores come evening tomorrow.  Enjoy the sportsball!

Isle of Sodor Premier League 5/10 match postponements lead to revised sched

All Isle of Sodor Premier League matches slated for Wednesday, 5/8, were  postponed due to the massive storm sweeping over the island.

The remaining PL schedule will be as follows:

Matchday 35 Sat., 5/11
Matchday 36 Wed. 5/15
Matchday 37 Sat., 5/18
Matchday 38 Sat., 5/25

Since no tiebreakers like goal differential are used in Sudric football, any two-way ties for the League Title or Relegation will be broken with single matches Saturday, June 1, at Suddery’s National Stadium.

If more than two teams are tied for these positions, necessary additional games will be scheduled for Wednesday, May 29, in Suddery.

Isle of Sodor Premier League news – Phil Cotton’s star burns out, released from Arlesburgh Utd.

May 8, 2019 – Ffarquhar, Sodor

Image result for Philippe Coutinho funnyThink Barcelona about to the former Liverpool star Philppe Coutinho the heave-ho is a surprise?   [Here’s the article on that likely one-time superstar’s release.]    At Ffarquhar FC, the one-time Arlesbugh Utd.  star midfielder Phil Cotton is out.    The biggest preseason move by any Sudric club has been a bust.

Image result for FFFC football crest The decision to let Cotton go is one no one could’ve seen coming a few months ago.  But this past weekend, the club dropped back into a tie for 17th/18th place – right on the Relegation line- after blowing a 3-0 halftime lead before losing to Crovan’s Gate 3-4.

Said Ffarquhar FC president Magnus Clucas:

Thank you to Phil Cotton for his efforts with our club.  His astounding 11 goals in the three matches of the group stage of last summer's inaugural FA Cup are hardly distant memory, obviously.  That run of his with Arlesburgh United to their Cup runners-up finish was why he brought him over.  We know there will be other clubs willing to roster him for the 2019-20 season.

To be fair, he's been injured as oft as not.  But when he's been healthy, Cotton just hasn't performed like a starter for us.  And so, we haven't always even made him one.   Three goals in 19 matches played wasn't what we envisioned.

But the last straw was his bitching about the locker room spread.  Look, we added the create-your-own-potato bar he contractually demanded.  If he wanted more than that and sandwich fixins', the time to address that was behind closed doors before Signing Day.

Image result for potato bar

Thankfully, there is good news for Ffarquhar fans.  While he may or may not be able to help the club stave off possible Relegation these last four matches, part-time starter and Cotton-replacement Mike Fourton has about eight months to get in game shape for the 2019-20 campaign.

Image result for funny amateur soccer player

Isle of Sodor Premier League matchday 34 (5/4-5) Sunday recap: The unbearable tension mounts!

First, nuts and bolts.  Here is Saturday’s recap.  And here are Sunday’s results:

T17  Ulfstead          0   vs.   2      #6  Junction & Sheds
#8   E.C.D.                2   vs.   5     #12  Marron
#1   Dryaw               3   vs.   3     #10  Suddery
#3   Peel Godred   2   vs.   0      #9   Glennock
#12  Lakside           3   vs.   5     #18  Brendam Utd.

We’ll recap that bolded Feature Match in a bit.  Where does the weekend madness leave everything?    Here’s a smexy link to the updated complete table.

Image result for madness funnyWith four matches in this inaugural league season to go, we now have a tie atop the table!   More, there’s once again a tie for 17th, right on the Relegation line.  And remember, in IoS PL, even on points means even –  period.  No goal differential or other tiebreakers.   If needs be, tied teams will have a playoff match in Suddery at season’s end.

Image result for RelegationStarting at the bottom, Brendam United jumped back out of the Drop Zone again with a solid road win.    After Ffarquhar‘s home loss Saturday, fated favored B-Utd. again as Ulfstead couldn’t even score a goal at their own place.  The two losers sit on the Cutline, tied.

Image result for Peel Godred FCAt table’s top, a team other than Dryaw FC sit on the top line for the first time in months!  On a rainy day over most of the Isle that kept scores down, then-#3 Peel Godred scored two early, then played keep-away to win 2-0.

That meant Dryaw needed the full three points at home against Suddery to maintain their #1 solo status.    Here was Noob’s prediction to this Feature Match:

Noob’s call:     Dryaw haven’t overwhelmed teams all season long for the most part, so one fears them overly.   Suddery will have confidence after having beaten them in March and be no less comfortable wearing visitors’ kits today.    But with Wilbertson back, DFC won’t drop all the points.    3-3

Even former full-time website prognosticator Noobstradamus had to admit I nailed this one COLD.  

Image result for noobstradamus



Lucky schmuck.


The teams traded early goals and then that rain came in and made it tough on everyone.   Visiting Suddery led 2-3 heading into stoppage time, appeared set to sweep the season series from Dryaw and perhaps ruin their championship campaign.

Related imageBut after a week off with an injured neck, Dryaw star striker Christopher Wilbertson made his move on POTY!   Clearly not 100% yet, he struggled to contribute all match long.  Just couldn’t keep pace nursing that neck.   It took a corner kick set piece to give our hero his chance.

CW hung back at the edge of the box, understandably seeming to not want to risk further neck injury in the scrum up front.   But it was trickery!    Suddery made the mistake of leaving him completely unmarked and could only ogle in wonder after CW went charging to an edge for the tying header at 93′.  The late point earned keeps them even with PGFC.

Get ready for a wild and woolly finish, Noobites, Matchday 35 will be Wednesday with all 10 teams in action!   They’ll all play the next two Wednesdays AND weekends these last two weeks to finish the amazing first-ever IoS PL season.

Isle of Sodor Premier League matchday 34 (5/4-5) – Sat. recap, Sunday preview

First, a recap of the Saturday, 5/4  action:

T16  Ffarquhar                  2    vs.    6         #5   Crovan’s Gate
#19  Arlesburgh Utd.      6    vs.    8       #20  Tidmouth City
#13  Vicarstown                2    vs.     1         #7   Wellsworth
#2   Knapford Town        4    vs.   10       #4   Kirk Ronan
T14  Brendam Harbor     3    vs.   10       T14  Castle Rolf

Sodor has been known historically for defensive play often being an afterthought, but two ten-spots in one day is something.    Tidmouth City climbed out of the cellar with their road win, though both those teams will surely be Relegated (updated table).

(Though organized Sudric football and clubs date back over 150 years, some clubs – like Tidmouth City – have changed and re-formed many times, as evidenced by crest dates.)

And hoo boy did Noob miss on his prediction for the day’s Feature Match in yesterday’s preview!   All the momentum seemed to be on Knapford‘s side coming into the match, but Kirk Ronan notched three goals in the first seven minutes and the rout was on.

Sun., 5/5
T16  Ulfstead          vs.       #6   Junction & Sheds
#8   E.C.D.                vs.      T13  Marron
#1   Dryaw                vs.     #10  Suddery 
#3   Peel Godred    vs.      #9   Glennock
#12  Lakeside          vs.      #18  Brendam Utd.

A quick train ride in the morning will find Noob in Dryaw for the Sunday Feature Match!  The league leaders have a chance to re-open as much as  a four-point lead over Knapford.  (Though a Dryaw loss and a Peel Godred win today would see the latter vault from 3rd to 1st!)

Image result for passenger train in the country


(“Thomas & Friends” doesn’t do justice to the real, fine public transport of Sodor.)

Related image


So how might things shape up today?  Dryaw host #10 Suddery.   DFC are 2-1-1 in in their last four.   Good, but can they be, remain title-good?  The home beatdown the suffered against midtable Lakeside last week casts some doubt on the notion.   But the presumed return of injured star striker Christipher Wilbertson may be reverse that.

Image may contain: textMeanwhile, you may recall that Suddery defeated Dryaw 4-1 just a few weeks back.   Also, the Capitals are one of the better road teams.   Suddery maybe just 2-0-2 in their last four outings, but they’re  4-0-1 when travelling since February.  Getting away from some of the distractions of their National Stadium home works wonders for them.

Noob’s call:     Dryaw haven’t overwhelmed teams all season long for the most part, so one fears them overly.   Suddery will have confidence after having beaten them in March and be no less comfortable wearing visitors’ kits today.    But with Wilbertson back, DFC won’t drop all the points.    3-3

Isle of Sodor Premier League – matchday 34 (5/4) Preview

Hello from Knapford!  #2 KTFC is only a point behind league-leaders Dryaw FC.  They host #4 Kirk Ronan today.  The visitors are nine points back of 1st, title chances looking grim.   Your Saturday Feature Match gets previewed further down.

1 Dryaw 22 6 5 72 League Champions
2 Knapford Town 22 5 6 71
3 Peel Godred 22 4 7 70
4 Kirk Ronan 19 6 8 63

Ah, does it feel good to be back back on the Isle, covering the league up close and personal after a Matchday spent stateside.  The house sale is back on track there now.  Noob will set up shop permanently on Sodor soon, hopefully in time for the summer’s second ever IoS FA Cup.

Sat., 5/4
T16 Ffarquhar vs. #5 Crovan’s Gate
#19 Arlesburgh Utd. vs. #20 Tidmouth City
#13 Vicarstown vs. #7 Wellsworth
#2 Knapford Town vs. #4 Kirk Ronan
T14 Brendam Harbor vs. T14 Castle Rolf

Sun., 5/5
T17 Ulfstead vs. #6 Junction & Sheds
#8 E.C.D. vs. #12 Marron
#1 Dryaw vs. #10 Suddery
#3 Peel Godred vs. #9 Glennock
T16 Ulfstead vs. #11 Lakeside

Image result for Knapford Town FCAfter weeks of title contenders not being able to string much success together, Knapford may have found their stride.   2-2-0 in their last four.  They’re winning close, they’re winning in low and high-scoring affairs.  That 2-3 road win over now-#3 Peel Godred was their match of the season.

Still, 3-2 home win over bottom-half Castle Rolf last week wasn’t exactly inspiring.   Fans are telling themselves that was a trap game and that getting three points any which way was awesome.  Perhaps they’re right….

Kirk Ronan, how are you still within double-digits of the table’s top?   2-2 in the last four isn’t awful at a glance.   But that stretch started with a quirky back-to-back split against #19 Arlesburgh Utd.   Last week’s 2-3 road win at top-half Glennock was admirable, but Noob doubts it washed away the bitter taste of an 0-7 loss to Marron right before the Easter break.

Noob’s call:      Maybe Noob’s drinking the local Kool-Aid, to misuse the reference most folk do unknowingly, but I’m believing the trap game talk.

Image result for drinking the kool aid funny

Knapford Town got a win last week sandwiched between matches against top five clubs.  No team is utterly dominating the league in its inaugural season.   So that’s getting it done.   With a shot at the top rung today, the team has looked hungry at practices, going at it with an edge all week.

Kirk Ronan have faded in the season’s final third.   This is too tough a match for them on the road today.   Knapford Town   5-2

15 hospitalized as Championship club’s supporters turn on their own for singing “Wonderwall”

May 1, 2019 – Ballahoo, Sodor

This season, MLS’ Minnesota United fans have adopted Oasis’ “Wonderwall” as their victory song of choice after matches won.  [Here’s the article ].

Image result for brawl amateur soccer match fansWhile that may be working in Loon-land, things went catastrophically awry Tuesday night when some supporters of the Isle of Sodor’s Championship club Ballahoo A.F.C. tried singing it.   15 people ended up being treated after the ensuing brawl in the stands, with three still in intensive care at Vicarstown Memorial Hospital.

Image result for BFC soccer amateur crestSo what happened?  After Ballahoo’s 4-2 win over Cross-ny-Cuirn FC, some home supporters started singing “Wonderwall”.  A few catcalls aside, the crooners continued unimpeded until the beginning the chorus.


Image result for woman on news for fightingSheela Boyd, president of the creatively-named Ballahoo Supporters, had this to say after hiding her brass knuckles:   “Many of us thought it was a joke and they’d stop.   But we no more than heard, ‘Because maybeeeeeeey,’ and knew they were for real and that chorus had to be stopped.”

The offending fans were set upon by thrice as many others within seconds.   Beers were dumped on the offending culprits as they were punched, kicked, and carried to the back of the small stands.  There, they were each dropped about seven feet.

Noob spoke with Ballahoo A.F.C. club prez Martyn Stevenson by phone, who had this to remark:

"Ballahoo, like so much of east-central Sodor, have seen a lot of Mancunian's move here in recent years, despite historically only being a dormitory town.  The supporters who were attacked are believed to be mostly or entirely comprised of Manchester transplants.

Image result for isle of Sodor map ballahooWe welcome them.   But they should've left their Oasis fanboyishness back in the Kingdom.  Look, we understand the band is considered iconic there.   The instrumentation is superb.   The production choices they made for studio albums were concrete and admirable.   But Liam Gallgher's singing is unbearable to anyone with an ear.

Ethel Merman.  Stevie Nicks.   Both Brooks and Dunn.  Liam Gallagher.  There's your top four list of most awful, nasally singers the Lord God saw fit to create.   We will never know why, as His ways are higher than ours."

Isle of Sodor FA Preident Abban Clague announced the FA’s swift punitive decision of Ballahoo FC:

Image result for Liam Gallagher tambourine“Ballahoo FC will be docked one point in the table.   Dumping beer on anyone is wasteful, alcohol abuse.  Liam Gallagher’s singing is terrible and his tambourine-playing is marginal at best.”


Clague then dropped the mic, though whether by intention or accident is unconfirmed.

Isle of Sodor Premier League – IN REVIEW – matchday 33 (4/27-28): title race tightens, Relegation moves

Nothing changed in the table’s top ten this weekend (except for a tie for 8th being broken).

Yet EVERYTHING changed in the table’s top ten this weekend.  Here’s a smexy link to the updated table, which is also always available under the “More Noobishness” Pages on this site.

Sat., 4/27
#3 Peel Godred               6    vs.    2    #19  Arlesburgh Utd.
#1   Dryaw                         1     vs.    6    #11  Lakeside
#7   Wellsworth            14    vs.   10   #16  Brendam Utd.
#6   Junction & Sheds   1    vs.   5    #8     E.C.D.
#17  Ulfstead                    1    vs.    0    #4    Crovan’s Gate

Sun., 4/28
#9   Glennock                    2    vs.    3   #5   Kirk Ronan
#2   Knapford Town       3    vs.    2   #12  Castle Rolf
#14  Brendam Harbor   3    vs.    7   #14  Marron
#20  Tidmouth City       5    vs.    6   #15  Vicarstown
#10  Suddery                     2    vs.    7   T17  Ffarquhar

Review Highlights

 * #1 Dryaw FC - minus freakily injured star striker Christopher Wilbertson  - lose again to Lakeside A.F.C. 

* #B Knapford Town and #3 Peel Godred each win, now trail Dryaw by just one and two points in the table, respectively. 

* Ulfstead and Ffarquhar both win, dropping Brendam United into the Relegation Zone.

Image result for Lakeside FC crestThe key match of the weekend turned out to be Dryaw’s home loss to Lakeside A.F.C.  The league leaders were missing star striker Christopher Wilbertson.  Was it the difference?   Hard to say.   Sodor’s “L.A.F.C” held them to just one goal in their other match this season, too.

Related imageSo what happened?  Dryaw kept their injury news on the D-L.   Not hard, considering Noob – your exclusive source for all things IoS PL – returned  stateside for Easter.)   It was holiday disaster for Wilbertson.

The club held an Easter egg hunt on the stadium grounds a week ago Saturday.   Wilbertson won.   And he celebrated as he celebrates everything, once again trying to perfectly re-create the famous Klinsmann Dive.  His luck finally ran out, as he whiplashed his neck to the point of needing over a week off.

Image result for Klinsmann dive sodorDoes Noob keep recycling the same photo for this guy, post after post?

Maybe Wilbertson just always does this exactly the same way.


Image result for soccer easter egg hunt



(But at least call the kids got participation prizes!)



Wilbertson is expected to return next week for Dryaw’s home match versus #6 Junction & Sheds.  Noob will have updates as warranted as I am returning to the Isle midweek.

Isle of Sodor Premier League – matchday 33 (4/27-28) Preview

IoS PL was off last weekend, of course, for the Easter holiday.   When there are no massive piles of coin on the line like with so many European leagues, time can be taken off for the other important things in life.

Noob returned stateside, as an offer was made on my house!   There’s been a minor hiccup, so I have not returned to Sodor for this weekend.  No big shakes.  By FA Cup time, I expect to be residing full-time on the Isle.

Instead of a single Feature Match for the weekend one one for each day, this is a good time to just take a broad look at the schedule:

Sat., 4/27
#3 Peel Godred vs. #19 Arlesburgh Utd.
#1 Dryaw vs. #11 Lakeside
#7 Wellsworth vs. #16 Brendam Utd.
#6 Junction & Sheds vs. #8 E.C.D.
#17 Ulfstead vs. #14 Marron

Sun., 4/28
#9 Glennock vs. #5 Kirk Ronan
#2 Knapford Town vs. #12 Castle Rolf
#14 Brendam Harbor vs. #4 Crovan’s Gate
#20 Tidmouth City vs. #15 Vicarstown
#10 Suddery vs.  T17  Ffarquhar

All top three teams have home matches that – on paper – they should win.

Image result for Lakeside FC crest Saturday —  #3 Peel Godred only managed an 0-1 win at Arlesburgh earlier this season.  And #1 Dryaw fell asleep at Lakside A.F.C., losing 5-1.  These should go the way of the home sides, but anything is possible and the title race is tight.  A shakeup is possible, if not probable.

Also of note is the Relegation battle.  Ulfstead and Ffarquhar are tied at 17th, right on the Cutline.  Marron scored a tied-for-league record 14 goals hosting Ulfstead.   Home field changes much, yet perhaps Marron are just an atrocious matchup for them.

Image result for trap door funnySunday —   The other club that managed 14 this year was #14 Castle Rolf.   They did it at home against #2 Knapford Town, who they now visit.   Since they’re tied for the first Drop Zone slot, Ffarquhar visiting Suddery will be the other match to key in on today.

And remember, Goal Differential is not a tiebreaker on Sodor.  Any clubs tied on points for the title or for 17th/18th place will have playoff at the national stadium in Suddery.

Here’s a smexy link to the league table.   Enjoy the footsportsball weekend, Noobites!