Isle of Sodor team lands first sponsor – Championship club’s U10’s love them their Motorhead

Congrats to Isle of Sodor Championship’s Maithwaite FC!     They’re the first team to ever receive celebrity sponsorship or support.   Sort of.

Image result for busted whistle It’s actually their U10’s   — who’ve gone by “Wonky Whistles Youth FC” — that got the goods.   Their jerseys were pathetic, but their coach used some straaaaange inspiration to improve things for the little kickers.

See, Wonky Whistles coach Brile Nickels Jr. is a big Duran Duran fan.  And he recently learned the band was asked by newly re-formed Hungarian sixth-tier club Budapesti AK if they could use “My Own Way” as a theme song.  The band said yes, asked for some swag in return and were obliged!    Nickels was inspired to flip that script and try making use of his own familial rock ‘n’ roll connection to improve his kids’ kits.

Nickels’ uncle Keithley grew up with famed Motorhead roadie Steve Luna.  He invited Luna to vacation to Maithwaite, catch up, huff some glue and such.   Nickels knew the uniform shirts the kids’ moms designed were utter  crap, lamely depicting actual broken whistles, in addition to the a sponsoring local lab’s business logo (see above).   He had Luna see a match, and the old bass tech declared the shirts “absolute gobshite” and immediately set about paying for new ones.

So Luna got the kids these brand spanking new unis.

Image result for Lincolnshire Greenbank Motorhead soccer jerseys

Congrats again, Wonky Whistles.   Well, now it’s “Blind Drunks” and “Hell Drivers” to which the kids answer.  See, Luna gave them an official song, too.  “(We Are) The Road Crew”.   Lucky tots!

Another town another place,
Another girl, another face,
Another truce, another race,
I'm eating junk, feeling bad,
Another night, I'm going mad,
My woman's leaving, I feel sad,
But I just love the life I lead,
Another beer is what I need,
Another gig my ears bleed,
We are the road crew
Another town I've left behind,
Another drink completely blind,
Another hotel I can't find,
Another backstage pass for you,
Another tube of super glue,
Another border to get through,
I'm driving like a maniac,
Driving my way to hell and back,
Another room a case to pack,
We are the road crew
Another hotel we can burn,
Another screw, another turn,
Another Europe map to learn,
Another truck stop on the way,
Another game I learn to play,
Another word I learn to say,
Another bloody customs post,
Another fucking foreign coast,
Another set of scars to boast,
We are the road crew

 

Isle of Sodor Premier League – IN REVIEW – matchday 32 (4/13-14): Away teams reign, title race shifts

Sat., 4/13                              [The Featured Match, which was previewed, is in bold]
#7    E.C D.                            1   vs.      6     #8    Wellsworth
#19  Tidmouth City         4   vs.     13    #10   Suddery
#11   Lakeside                     1    vs.      5      #1    Dryaw
#5    Kirk Ronan                0   vs.      7     T14   Marron
T16  Ffarquhar                   0   vs.     4     T14   Brendam Harbor

Sun., 4/14
#4   Crovan’s Gate            3    vs.    5    #20  Arlesburgh Utd.
T16  Ulfstead                       1    vs.    2      #9   Glennock
#18  Brendam Utd.           6   vs.    5     #13   Vicarstown
#6    Junction & Sheds    7    vs.    2    #12    Castle Rolf
#2    Peel Godred               7    vs.    8     #3    Knapford Town

[The updated table is under the “More Noobishness” Pages.  Smexy link. ]

Review Highlights:  

*  Knapford Town moves into 2nd, dropping Peel Godred to 3rd

*  Dryaw wins again, remains four points clear of #2

*  New last place team!

*  A tie for 16th forces IoS FA to announce how they will handle possible end-of-season tie in the table

What a crazy weekend on the Isle.  In addition to the highlights above, seven away teams won.  Suddery blasted sad sacks Tidmouth City for 13 goals.  And Brendam United climbed out of the Relegation Zone, leaving two teams tied on the Cutline.  This last forced FA prez Abban Clague to release a long-awaited statement regarding possible ties in the table at season’s end: 

Image result for old man typingShould two or more teams tie for 1st, they’ll have a Playoff at the national stadium in Suddery.   The same will be true if there is a tie surrounding the Relegation Line.   No other form of tiebreaker will be used.  This includes Goal Differential, despite pressure from our cousins in the English FA to follow their model.

Why?  For our new international audience:   On the Isle, when a team is down in a match, it is considered poor form to stop trying to score, to shut the game down to keep the final margin small.  That’s not fun

So we start our new era of nationally organized soccer by  honoring this tradition.   Victory will be rewarded, but not the margins.  And if our cousins across the Walney don’t like it, they can mizzle for all of me!   *mike drop*

Why Mr. Clague thought a mike drop worked in writing is beyond Noob.   Sodor is a strange place ofttimes.

Oh yeah, and that Feature Match between Peel Godred and Knapford Town?   All 15 goals were scored in the first half.   Over the second half, 11 shots found woodwork.   Twice, shots hit the crossbar and a post before plinking away from net.   It was odd beyond belief.  By game’s end, everyone was creeped out and quiet.   Noob’s just not ready to talk about it.   I miss drinking in Dryaw with my friends.

Image result for sobriety sucks

 

Isle of Sodor Premier League – matchday 31 (4/6-7) – Sun., #1 Dryaw hosts the Bad Boys of East Coast Diesel

Matchday 31 (Sun., 4/7) preview      (Sat.’s match previews precede this post)

#9   Glennock            vs.     #16  Ulfstead
#4   Crovan’s Gate   vs.    #10   Suddery
#5   Kirk Ronan         vs.    #20  Arlesburgh Utd. (5-0 AU)
#13  Marron                vs.     T14  Vicarstown (8-6 M)

plus the Sunday feature match        #1  Dryaw   vs.   T7  East Coast Diesel

Season-long followers of IoS PL coverage might assume Noob simply camped out in Dryaw for yet another week.   It was tempting, this being a little Paris of sorts, an idyllic haven for writers and intellectuals and all sorts of unscrupulous rabble. Image result for Doug Barr me  But my best friends American author Daniel J. Heck and Doug Barr (1980’s TV “The Fall Guy”, screenwriter and vintner) both hopped back across the pond.   Saturday’s feature match was in Brendam, and so there I b&b’ed for the week.

But now Noob’s back, baybeeeeeee.     And the mood in town Noob sensed Saturday night was surely odd.  Naturally, everyone’s riding a wave of elation that Dryaw’s been leading the league for weeks upon weeks.  And they now lead by four – not a huge cushion, but a little margin for error’s been managed.

Yet there’s no mistaking an air of worry here.   Two matchdays weekends ago, E.C.D.  Image result for east coast diesel creststormed back from a 2-6 deficit to earn a draw in the Walney Channel Derby.   This team that had muddled through just an ok season went back to their pre-Premier League identity, as one that plays seriously rough defense.   Remember:  even moderately hard defense has always been considered uncouth historically.

Yes, Dryaw supporters are scared.  Worried about the result, sure.   But terrified of their players getting mauled.  In the second half of that derby two weeks ago, Diesels earned 10 yellow cards in as many minutes.  They then cruised the following matchday to a 4-2 road win over Marron that was not as close as the score indicates.   They even retook their official 2018-19 team photo.   They look haunted and angry.

Image result for mean amateur soccer team photo

So since reclaiming their identity, they’re 1-1-0 and have outscored opponents 8-2 over the last three halves.  Related image   Dryaw, meanwhile, are 2-2 in their last four.   They’ve been more offensively-minded over this stretch, but who knows how many easy chances they’ll be able to muster today now that the Bad Boys are back.

Noob calls it:    I think E.C.D. are going to control the pace.   That said, the FA folks seem none too pleased with Diesels’ re-finding of their brutally physical style.

Noob’s not suggesting they’ve given explicit marching orders to the refs to keep the game Sudric-clean, but some sort of message has gone out.  They’d like to see their unique brand of football take hold and get a little international attention as time goes on.      The call:    2-2

The title race stays scalding hot.

Isle of Sodor Premier League – matchday 29 – #1 gets road tested in the Capital

Sun., 3/9
#6     Wellsworth              vs.           #4     Kirk Ronan
T7     Junction & Sheds   vs.          #16    Brendam Utd.
#19  Tidmouth City         vs.            #3    Knapford Town
#20  Arlesburgh Utd.      vs.            #5    Crovan’s Gate

plus the Sunday Feature Match:   #1 Dryaw FC  face a Capital City road test

Seven points separate the ninth and tenth positions in the table.   For teams still vying for an uncertain top-half finish here in the PL’s inaugural season, that means its 10th place or bust.  This will probably fall to current  #10 Castle Rolf or today’s hosts – Suddery FC.

Related image#1 Dryaw opened up a four point lead with #4 Kirk Ronan, all but knocking them out of title contention.  This after a February where they played solidly, but tread water at best.   Will the little village that could have be able to muster up another road W?   Trap-match feel workin’ here.

 

Image may contain: textSuddery have one win their last three matches.  Goodness knows how — they’ve scored just one goal over that stretch!     Their issues on offense have always ebbed and waned.  They didn’t even manage three goals per match over the summer’s inaugural FA Cup.

The town of Suddery isn’t one of the two “Main Towns”, but it is the biggest one with just a single team representing it.  They’re on the inland end of the Isle’s southwest peninsula, with no main town or big villages anywhere near them competing for area talent.  So why aren’t SFC more successful?

  • Capital City Stadium, Suddery, is the home of the Sudric National Team (“The Sodor Strikers”).
  • Being the capital, this is the one place on the Isle where a lot of people are from somewhere else on the Isle; they bring their club allegiances with them.
  • More, Capital City Stadium has been home to countless tourneys and friendlies over the long pre-FA years.  Transplants get to see their hometown teams in person right in town Suddery.

Everyone in Suddery loves soccer.  But many only like the local FC.   SFC are not the sporting heart of the community.  Noob thinks that can’t help by permeate the team.

Noob calls it:     Noob’s biased, as village Dryaw is Noob’s singular fave place to be on the Isle.    But until SFC shows they can score, they’re not to be favored against a current top team.

1 – 5     Dryaw FC.   The magical title run continues.

Isle of Sodor Premier League – matchday 29 (3/9-10) – to Vicarstown for a new derby!

Matchday 29 (Sat., 3/9) Preview  (Sunday preview to follow tomorrow)

#10 Castle Rolf vs. #15 Brendam Harbor
#18 Ffarquhar vs. #2 Peel Godred
#9 Glennock vs. #12 Lakeside
#17 Ulfstead vs. T13 Marron

Plus the Saturday Feature Match:   New derby time!

Throw away the records and forget their positions in the table — it’s time for a new intracity derby!   Hello from Vicarstown, home of Vicarstown FC and East Coast Diesel (E.C.D.) FC.    The former will host, and does play on their own separate grounds.

While the teams have played over the years, of course, this is the first time they’ve met in this inaugural Premier League season.   They most recently did in last summer’s first-ever FA Cup  quarterfinals.  There, E.C.D. advanced with a 4-8 win.

For this year, at least, they’ve settled on the name “The Walney Channel Derby“.   (And remember to say it like it looks if you ever visit.  None of that “dahr-bee” foolishness flies here.)  Vicarstown is the closest point on Sodor to Britain.  In fact, V-town and Barrow, Cumbria, England are connected by a bridge over said channel.

Vicarstown FC are currently tied for 13th place with Marron.  There only point in the last month came at Castle Rolf in a 1-1 draw.  Still, the Vicars had enough success early in the season to at least have seemingly staved off any chance of Relegation.   They’re eight points ahead of #18 FfarquharImage result for church league soccer crest

The Vic’s have always traveled widely throughout the Isle over the years.  The Sudric style of soccer is one of offense by virtue of non-aggressive defense.  This team is welcomed everywhere for perhaps best embodying that principle.

East Coast Diesel, on the other hand…are decidedly NOT popular with the masses.   They do have fans everywhere, small patches in each of the biggest towns who admire their style of play.   That style is anything but classic Sudric.   “The Happy Hooks” play comparatively hard defense.  They’ve even been known to employ slide tackles (gasp!).

Image result for east coast diesel crestThey’d perhaps be even higher in the table than merely tied for 7th and out of the title chase, but they draw from a far smaller pool of players than their rivals.   E.C.D. draw almost exclusively from the dieselworks part of Vicarstown.  They are a surly, rough lot, and have rarely been invited anywhere over the years for friendlies or to play in loosely organised regional all-around days or tourneys.   In short, they are widely considered uncouth — causers of both CONFUSION and DELAY , in football and in general.

Image result for workington afc crestRumor has it that for years, E.C.D. has periodically ferried the channel to Barrow where they scrimmage factory teams and such.  And to do some pub crawling and brawling around Cumbria.  It’s been said they’ve even held their own against the Northern Premier League English seventh-tier side Workington AFC before.  The Sodor FA frowns on such going forward, wanting to keep their sporting separate from the more commercial, bigger leagues of the world for now.

Match Prediction:

E.C.D. have clearly had an identity crisis all year.   They’re aggressive on defense, but not as physical as was expected.  Perhaps being in the new, formal FA has muted their worst aspects.   But they haven’t in turn been able to score much at all of late.  Vicarstown haven’t had much early spring success, but they’ve been competent on both ends of the pitch at least.

Noob calls it:      VFC   4-2            The whole town seems tense over this first derby.   If the players feel the same way, the first half may be played pretty deliberately, without much scoring.   But I think in the end that E.C.D. need to decide next year if they’re going to play their previously trademark hard D or not.   Half-assing it isn’t working as their season winds down.

Isle of Sodor Premier League – matchday 28 (Sat., 3/2) preview – Who stays up, who goes down

Sat., 3/2
#3    Peel Godred         vs.     #16   Brendam Utd.
#11   Castle Rolf           vs.     #2     Knapford Town
#7    Wellsworth          vs.     #6     E.C.D.
#19  Tidmouth City    vs.    #14   Brendam Harbor
#18   Ulfstead                vs.    #17   Ffarquhar

Saturday Feature Match:   A drop zone battle royal!

Wellsworth – E.C.D. has the best chance today to be a truly quality match.    But the title race is really down to five teams now, and these two are on the outside looking in.  So, today’s most important match is about Premier League survival.

Image result for Norramby crestHello from Ulfstead!  Here, just a month ago the local team’s Relegation fate appeared sealed.  But three wins against just one loss in February has them just out of safety, a point behind their closest geographic rivals today.

All season, their issue has been consistency,  They can score and defend well enough, but rarely managed both in the same match all winter.  Other than giving up a whopping 14 goals in their road loss to Marron, they’ve played better all-around ball of late.

A note about Ulfstead F.C. “Earls” –   Ulfstead is the town name here in west-central Sodor.  It is the home of the Isle’s Earls (the royal family), the Norramby’s.   But Norramby the town is on the east central coast.  They have their own team in the second-tier Championship (and are doing quite well!.

Image result for FFFC football crestThe road team today only had to travel a handful of miles east.  It will be a shame if Ffarquhar doesn’t survive the Isle’s first-ever Premier season.  It’s one of the larger towns on the isle, but only has the one FA club.  It’s also the one town people outside the country can name, if any —  being the home of Thomas of the fictional children’s tv show.

But this team’s season has followed it’s FA Cup performance from the summer.  They play everyone close, but play up and down to the level of their competition.  And they far from always finish off matches strong.  Still, a 2-1-1 February mark shows they’re learning and has kept them above the Cutline.

Fun FactFfarquhar are known as “the Anophas”, though the S is dropped as often as not.  The nearby Ffarquhar Quarry was known as Anopha Quarry, and so that name has been adopted by the club.  This, despite not a bloody soul in the town having the slightest clue what “Anopha” referred to or meant originally.

Match Prediction:   Noob thinks the battle to stay afloat in the Premier will go right down to the end of the season.  The teams will play true their forms of late and have a match of quality play.  4-4 or 5-5.

Isle of Sodor Premier League – matchday 27 – all results, updated table, new hotness

Matchday 27 in Review (2/23-24/19)

Saturday feature matchBrendam Darby goes United 0, Harbor 7

Image result for BHFC crest Saturday’s feature match may not have had league title implications, but a derby is a derby!   And sometimes a match can be a blowout, as Brendam Harbor took the first FA-official local derby 0-7 over Brendam United.

 

United are now in real danger of potentially sinking into the Relegation Zone after #18 Ulfstead‘s win.

KEPA HAS NOTHING ON SUDRIC GOALIE

Image result for sutton reserve goalie sitting The only drama came at 3′ when the match was delayed several minutes.

To honor retiring reserve goalkeeper Angus Waldroup, United chose to start him briefly.   When the planned time to pull him came, he sat, saying they could sub him out if they could carry him.  [Click to read the  ESPNFC article about Chelsea keeper Kepa refusing to be subbed out during yesterday’s FA Cup final.]

The solution?  Assistant Hugh MacDuff had the caterers set up the postgame food table early.  Word of that got Waldroup up off that fat ass and to the locker room at a terrifying speed.

Sunday feature match#2 closes gap on league-leaders

Image result for ktfc crest

Knapford Town rebounded from last week’s tough loss to defeat East Coast Diesel 2-8.  E.C.D. look wiped out after a grueling stretch of top teams faced in February.  KTFC lost their local derby last week 8-9, but their mettle was stronger.

 

Coupled #1 Dryaw FC‘s surprising home loss, Knapford now only trail the top table spot by two points.

—- ALL MATCHDAY 27 RESULTS, UPDATED TABLE ——-

Sat., 2/23
T15     Brendam Utd.          0   vs.    7      #14    Brendam Harbor
#13     Marron                       7   vs.    4       #3     Kirk Ronan
#19    Tidmouth City         1    vs.    5       #5     Crovan’s Gate
T11      Castle Rolf                6   vs.    0       #10   Suddery
T8       Junction & Sheds    1   vs.    2       #15    Lakeside

2/24
#20    Arlesburgh Utd.       0   vs.     1       #4    Peel Godred
#6      East Coast Diesel     2   vs.     8      #2    Knapford Town
T11      Vicarstown                4   vs.     7      #18   Ulfstead
#7       Wellsworth                5   vs.    4      #17   Ffarquhar
#1        Dryaw                          5   vs.     6     #9     Glennock

1 1 Dryaw 19 5 3 62 League Champions
B B Knapford Town 19 4 4 60
4 3 Peel Godred 18 4 5 58
3 4 Kirk Ronan 17 5 5 56
5 5 Crovan’s Gate 16 7 4 55
6 6 East Coast Diesel 13 7 7 46
7 7 Wellsworth 14 3 8 45
9 8 Glennock 12 5 10 41
8 9 Junction & Sheds 12 4 9 40
10 10 Suddery 10 6 11 36
T11 11 Castle Rolf 9 7 11 34
T11 T12 Vicarstown 7 10 10 31
13 T12 Marron 9 4 14 31
14 14 Brendam Harbor 8 6 13 30
T15 15 Lakeside 8 5 14 29
T15 16 Brendam United 7 5 15 26
17 17 Ffarquhar 6 5 16 23
18 18 Ulfstead 6 4 17 22 Relegated to Sodor Championship
19 19 Tidmouth City 4 3 20 15
20 20 Arlesburgh United 4 1 22 13

Isle of Sodor – matchday 27 (Sun., 2/24) – Feature Game: #2 Knapford Town’s tough road test

Sunday, 2/24
#20  Arlesburgh Utd.   vs.       #4     Peel Godred
#6     E.C.D.                       vs.       #2     Knapford Town
T11    Vicarstown            vs.       #18   Ulfstead
#7     Wellsworth           vs.       #17   Ffarquhar
#1      Dryaw                     vs.       #9     Glennock

Sunday Feature Match:  #6 E.C.D. hosts #2 Knapford Town

Image result for Sodor map Vicarstown Knapford Knapford Town weren’t expected to necessarily vie for the title here this first Premier season, but were certainly seen as a club likely to be in the table’s top half.   But no one saw the team everyone would be chasing was tiny Dryaw FC!   East Coast Diesel have slightly exceeded expectations by being firmly in the table’s to half.   Competing for players with intracity rivals Vicarstown FC could always potentially make E.C.D.‘s life a little tougher.

Image result for ktfc crest  Knapford Town— How will they bounce back from last week’s 9-8 loss to Junction & Sheds?   Since Dryaw only managed a draw last week,  a prime opportunity to all but catch up to the table’s #1 was missed.  KTFC is a side that feasts on lesser competition, but seems to lose close a lot against better teams.  Here in February, they’re 2-0-1.

 

Image result for diesel crestE.C.D. — This month has been a real test for Diesel, facing clubs all in the top half of the table.  1-1-1 wasn’t bad over this stretch.  But like KTFC, this club missed their chance against Dryaw earlier in the month.  Advancing to the Semis in the summer’s FA Cup was quite the feat, but they’ll need a remarkable run and some help to get that close to the League title.

Match Prediction:      E.C.D.’s offense suddenly disappeared last week, as they only managed a single goal in drawing at Glennock.  Still, that score looks like an outlier.   Knapford Town ought to be spent some after their tough loss last week.  But with only #1 Dryaw ahead of them, their title aspirations should motivate them plenty.

Noob calls it:       4-4          KTFC will have to hope Glennock, can play Dryaw as tightly as they did against E.C.D. last week.

Image result for noobstradamus

 

Pshaw.   You can’t even spell “prognosticate” without Noobstradamus’ help, Noob.

Or wait.  Maybe you just did.   I….didn’t think this through…

Isle of Sodor Premier – matchday 27 (Sat., 2/23) Feature Game: A new Derby!

Saturday, 2/23
T15  Brendam Utd.        vs.       #14  Brendam Harbor
#13   Marron                    vs.         #3  Kirk Ronan
#19  Tidmouth City      vs.         #5  Crovan’s Gate
T11   Castle Rolf              vs.       #10  Suddery
T8    Junction & Sheds vs.        #15  Lakeside

Saturday Feature Match:  The Brendam Derby

Image result for derby hat funnyGet out your best derby hats!

These are historically two of the best teams in the country.   One might’ve hoped that at least one of the two would make a move up the table in the season’s second half.  Instead, Harbor and United are mired in 14th and 15th place.   Still, it’s the first ever Premier League Brendam Derby!

And since this isn’t England, they even pronounce “derby” right.  FA President Abban Clague:   “We couldn’t think of any other words right off  where an ‘e’ was pronounced with an ‘ahhh’ sound.  We’re not doing it.  Silly English tw**s.”

Image result for BHFC crestBrendam Harbor surprised no one in winning the inaugural Isle of Sodor FA Cup last summer.  Yet they’re perhaps the least-liked team on the Isle, as their success generally comes via hard-nosed, aggressive defense.  Such is  considered uncouth at best on Sodor.   Here in the first PL season, they’re giving up goals like most other clubs, but not scoring more themselves.

Some observers have told Noob they’re having an identity crisis.  They’re trying to play “nicer” and not continue to be painted as the “bad boys” of Sudric football as the League hopefully gains international exposure here starting out.

Image result for Boleyn fc crestBrendam United, meanwhile, didn’t make it out of the Group Stage in the summer’s Cup.  They’re problem has been simple – they can’t score.  And if you can’t score on Sodor, you’re losing a lot.  Because almost everyone else is.

Neither team as earned a win in February.  Still, neither is in much seeming danger of being Relegated.   That said, if 18th-place Ulfstead can make a run, the Brendams would be two of five additional teams in the mix to get sent down to the Championship.

Match Prediction:  Cool, dry weather should make for pitch today that invites both sides to play with some real pace.  United are the designated home team, but since they share a pitch, no advantage there.  The Harbormen have show some occasional flashes of their big offense potential.

Noob calls it:     Brendam Harbor  5-7

Image result for Noobstradamus

 

Oh, so now that the site’s format is IoS PL and some lampooned new stories, you think you can just predict matches without me?

Noobstradamus will see you rue the day.   You’ll be a … day-ruer?   OK, that was weak.

Knapford Town FC’s teen midfielder discovers grandma might as well be on Craigslist

February 15, 2019 – Vicarstown, Sodor

Image result for Nicolo Zaniolo score Champions League PortoWith the Nicolo Zaniolo mom- Instagram story coming out, it would only be a matter of time before Gerry Barstok’s did.  We’re getting out ahead of it.” — Isle of Sodor FA President Abban Clague

AS Roma’s teen star Zaniolo just scored both UEFA Champions League goals in a 2-1 win over FC Porto.   But what should be a fabulous week has turned nightmarish as he’d had to confront his mother over her too-sexy Instagram posting.

[Click HERE for the full story from The Mirror (UK).]

Ahead of this week’s Yards-Sheds classic between Knapford Town and Junction & Sheds FC, young Gerry Barstok has it even worse.   It’s come to light that the “baddest grandma on the interwebs” is none other than Knapford Town midfielder Gerry’s own Nanna.

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More from FA Prez Clague:   “Poor Gerry.  This just…isn’t right.   The FA will reign down hellfire on Junction & Sheds FC if it’s discovered their people had anything do do with outing this wannabe-burlesque’s true identity.”

“The shame Gerry must be feeling over this harlot’s brazenness must be overwhelming.  We hope he will still be able to play, despite the weight of this strumpet’s embarrassment on his shoulders.  To Gerry – sorry your Nanna’s a streetwalker.”

When told of the President’s words – in front of all his teammates and coaches – Gerry replied, “What the actual f—?!”    One of Gerry’s teammates clapped a hand over his mouth before he made the situation of his grandmother being an AIDSy hussy even worse.

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Gerry Barstok – hitting the field early for practice after a tough start to the day.

What a guy.  Your future’s bright!