Isle of Sodor Premier – matchday 27 (Sat., 2/23) Feature Game: A new Derby!

Saturday, 2/23
T15  Brendam Utd.        vs.       #14  Brendam Harbor
#13   Marron                    vs.         #3  Kirk Ronan
#19  Tidmouth City      vs.         #5  Crovan’s Gate
T11   Castle Rolf              vs.       #10  Suddery
T8    Junction & Sheds vs.        #15  Lakeside

Saturday Feature Match:  The Brendam Derby

Image result for derby hat funnyGet out your best derby hats!

These are historically two of the best teams in the country.   One might’ve hoped that at least one of the two would make a move up the table in the season’s second half.  Instead, Harbor and United are mired in 14th and 15th place.   Still, it’s the first ever Premier League Brendam Derby!

And since this isn’t England, they even pronounce “derby” right.  FA President Abban Clague:   “We couldn’t think of any other words right off  where an ‘e’ was pronounced with an ‘ahhh’ sound.  We’re not doing it.  Silly English tw**s.”

Image result for BHFC crestBrendam Harbor surprised no one in winning the inaugural Isle of Sodor FA Cup last summer.  Yet they’re perhaps the least-liked team on the Isle, as their success generally comes via hard-nosed, aggressive defense.  Such is  considered uncouth at best on Sodor.   Here in the first PL season, they’re giving up goals like most other clubs, but not scoring more themselves.

Some observers have told Noob they’re having an identity crisis.  They’re trying to play “nicer” and not continue to be painted as the “bad boys” of Sudric football as the League hopefully gains international exposure here starting out.

Image result for Boleyn fc crestBrendam United, meanwhile, didn’t make it out of the Group Stage in the summer’s Cup.  They’re problem has been simple – they can’t score.  And if you can’t score on Sodor, you’re losing a lot.  Because almost everyone else is.

Neither team as earned a win in February.  Still, neither is in much seeming danger of being Relegated.   That said, if 18th-place Ulfstead can make a run, the Brendams would be two of five additional teams in the mix to get sent down to the Championship.

Match Prediction:  Cool, dry weather should make for pitch today that invites both sides to play with some real pace.  United are the designated home team, but since they share a pitch, no advantage there.  The Harbormen have show some occasional flashes of their big offense potential.

Noob calls it:     Brendam Harbor  5-7

Image result for Noobstradamus

 

Oh, so now that the site’s format is IoS PL and some lampooned new stories, you think you can just predict matches without me?

Noobstradamus will see you rue the day.   You’ll be a … day-ruer?   OK, that was weak.

Knapford Town FC’s teen midfielder discovers grandma might as well be on Craigslist

February 15, 2019 – Vicarstown, Sodor

Image result for Nicolo Zaniolo score Champions League PortoWith the Nicolo Zaniolo mom- Instagram story coming out, it would only be a matter of time before Gerry Barstok’s did.  We’re getting out ahead of it.” — Isle of Sodor FA President Abban Clague

AS Roma’s teen star Zaniolo just scored both UEFA Champions League goals in a 2-1 win over FC Porto.   But what should be a fabulous week has turned nightmarish as he’d had to confront his mother over her too-sexy Instagram posting.

[Click HERE for the full story from The Mirror (UK).]

Ahead of this week’s Yards-Sheds classic between Knapford Town and Junction & Sheds FC, young Gerry Barstok has it even worse.   It’s come to light that the “baddest grandma on the interwebs” is none other than Knapford Town midfielder Gerry’s own Nanna.

Image result for bad grandma instagram Image result for bad grandma instagram Image result for bad grandma instagram

 

 

 

More from FA Prez Clague:   “Poor Gerry.  This just…isn’t right.   The FA will reign down hellfire on Junction & Sheds FC if it’s discovered their people had anything do do with outing this wannabe-burlesque’s true identity.”

“The shame Gerry must be feeling over this harlot’s brazenness must be overwhelming.  We hope he will still be able to play, despite the weight of this strumpet’s embarrassment on his shoulders.  To Gerry – sorry your Nanna’s a streetwalker.”

When told of the President’s words – in front of all his teammates and coaches – Gerry replied, “What the actual f—?!”    One of Gerry’s teammates clapped a hand over his mouth before he made the situation of his grandmother being an AIDSy hussy even worse.

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Gerry Barstok – hitting the field early for practice after a tough start to the day.

What a guy.  Your future’s bright!

Isle of Sodor Premier League – Featured game for matchday 26 – A “Clasico” of their own

“El Clasico” is known to every football fan in the world.   Here on Sodor,  Image result for Sodor map there are big rivalries as well, and they tend to be intracity.   Welcome to Knapford, where things will get nasty on Sunday (2/15). (Well, as nasty as things get on Isle.  Might see a slide tackle or two attempted!   Remember:  hard defense is considered here to be more than uncouth.)

For this year, they’ve settled on calling this the Yards-Sheds Classic.    Junction & Sheds have never been known as anything but.  Knapford Town changed from Knapford Yards FC when the FA came into being a year ago, wanting to differentiate themselves from the more purely blue-collar branding of J&S.

Knapford Town have had the better of things in league this season, just moved into 2nd place, five behind surprising league leaders Dryaw FCJunction & Sheds are in a tie for 8th.  Getting more than a couple positions higher will be hard for them, as the top few have some space in the table between them and the pack now.

How do the teams play?   Their League campaigns have pretty much reflected their FA Cup runs from this summer.

Image result for KTFC crestDuring the inaugural FA Cup of summer 2018, Knapford Town tended to win but lose close.  They made the Round of 16 before falling in the penalty shootout to E.C.D. (East Coast Diesel) of Vicarstown.

Junction & Sheds (#1 supporter Alexi Lalas) advanced just as far.  They suffered the same fate in losing to eventual champion Brendam Harbor, going down at the shootout.    They scored tied for second in Group Stage scoring at 17 goals over the three matches, with just tiny shocker Cabalnoo getting more (18).

Image result for Junction FC crestWin lose or draw, J&S work hard to score and that’s about it.   (They   conceded 14 in that Group Stage.   No team plays the classic Sudric 5-5-good luck back there! formation quite as religiously as Sheds.

 

Their first meeting this year ended in a 5-5 draw.  Rumor has it that J&S will pull the goalie at select times and play a 6-5-void formation.   When it comes to offensive-mindedness, good luck outdoing the Sudrics generally.  KTFC can keep up with a lot of teams in a game like that, but probably not against J&S and they know it.  They’ll look to play things comparatively closer to the vest most of the match, then try running wild if it’s tied or close late.

Sodor Championship match postponed after cows let loose in support of Sardinian milk protest

Feburary 9 -Toryreck, Sodor

The Championship League match between Toryreck and Cabalnoo slated for Sunday, Feb. 10 has been postponed until Monday night (6:45 PM local time).

This rescheduling is, of course, contingent upon Farmer Skillicorn being willing to rustle up his rampaging dairy cows.  Again.

Skillicorn operates the biggest dairy on the Isle.  Whenever there’s a milk protest somewhere in the world, he shows solidarity by letting his massive herd of cows loose on the local village.  Players and fans alike stay indoors for safety, praying to whatever god they believe in.  So what was the catalyst this time?

Image result for angry dairy farmer

 

“I’m John Skillicorn, and I approve of this message of bovine terror.”

 

Over in Italy, Sardinian dairy farmers surrounded Cagliari FC’s training facility today.  Most players locked themselves inside.  The prevailing thought is the farmers just wanted Cagliari to show their support by boycotting their Sunday match with AC Milan.  Milk prices in Italy had plummeted in recent days.

[Click here for the “Sports Illustrated” coverage of the Serie A story.]

Two players participated in kicking over milk barrels.  The team’s flight to Milan was delayed, but that match will go on as scheduled tomorrow.

As for Toryreck vs. Cabalnoo — it’s on for Monday.  Image result for cows on soccer field

That’s provided Skillicorn doesn’t just move the cows over onto the local pitch.  Again.