Category: 10 to Track

’10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday soccer matches – Muricuh, Europe, then soccer paths less traveled

It’s another somewhat quick and dirty-job  on another Track.  Some of the matches below have already been played (and results are noted).

So, no zany images.   No specially designated Fun Facts, though you’ll still learn a little fun stuff all over the place here.   But it’s ten of the most important matches from our perspective, with some vibrant color tossed in at the end.

Get down.  Boogie.

  1. Brighton & Hove Albion vs. West Ham United – English Premier

West Ham, you saucy little minxes!

Started the league season in your mom-jeans – four straight L’s.  Then you juice cleansed, got a healthy glow about you.   You dared to be called cliché and brought out the little black dress, and oh my!   2-1-0 in the last three league matches.   Did you sharpen those red stilettos?   Heart go pitter PAT.

More, those W’s came on the road (Everton) and then at home against (admittedly a hot mess at present) Man Utd.   If the defense stays on form like it’s been for two straight weeks, they won’t be #15 or close to it for long.  At #14 BHA represents a chance to move to midtable.

RESULT:   B&HA   1-0

B.  Toronto II vs. Louisville FC – United Soccer League

No MLS matches today.  The other USL game involves two bottom-rung teams.   So Noob presents another edition of “Hiccup Watch”.

Defending champs L’ville are tied for #B in the Eastern Conferences.  Cinci has run away with the East title already, but the runner-up will get a First Round playoff bye.

The last place Toronto FC reserve team shouldn’t a challenge to them.  Then again, that’s probably what Charleston Battery thought their last outing, and then lost.   If Louisville has a Hiccup on the road tonight, they may well fall behind Pittsburgh.

RESULT:   L’ville   1-3      And so they jump to #B

  1. Santos vs. Atlas – Liga MX

When Noob was a pre-teen, I played on a local youth basketball team.  I was terrible.  Worse, in a way, I played with a bunch of classmates of which many went on to be division one college athletes.  But one day, I made a basket.  At the quarter, when our coach always switched out who was on the court wholesale, I was rushed by teammates and told I was staying on the floor.

Atlas, even though you’re still in last place, welcome back to the Track!   You’d not won a single match until pulling an upset in your last outing.  You’re staying on.

Of course, in the little story above, I stayed on.  But I missed the shot or two that I took going forward, and moved on from organized basketball to other activities after that season.  Santos is in 3rd place and this is just a “Hiccup Watch” match for them.

RESULT:   Santos   3-1       Jonathan Rodriguez with one of the goals, a player who had option to actually play with USMNT before going with Mexico.

  1. France vs. Australia – women’s international friendly

The 2019 World Cup is being hosted by France, which means their national team isn’t playing in the ongoing qualification tournament.  They’re automatically in.  Not that they wouldn’t survive that event, mind you.  They’re the #4-ranked team in the world.  Australia is 6th and coming to help them tuneup.

RESULT:   France   2-0

  1. Shamrock Rovers vs. Cork City – League of Ireland Premier

Dundalk are your Irish 2018 league champs!  And Cork City have already secured #B and a Europa League invitation.

But there’s one more EL berth on the line, and Rovers are #3.  Waterford is just two points back.  Noob thinks Shamrock is as good as Cork City.  Well, maybe not quite as strong on offense.  But especially given that it’s hard to know how many starters Cork will play on the road with nothing on the line for themselves that Rovers will get this by a couple goals.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Yokohama F. Marinos vs. Consadole Sapporo – Japan J1 League

Noob’s sleep schedule is all out of whack of late.  At time of writing, this match is already done.  Yokohama, which had a much stronger season last year than this go-round, took it 2-1.

Three clubs from Japan will qualify for the next Champions League.  This loss leaves Sapporo in 4th, a point behind Kashima.

  1. Go Ahead Eagles vs. Sparta Rotterdam – Netherlands Eredivisie

Sparta has won the last three times these clubs have faced off.  They would never love more to add to a streak then now perhaps.  The season is young in the Dutch second division, but these two are part of a four-way tie for 1st.  And only one gets promoted to top-flite at season’s end.

If the score stays low, Sparta takes it.   Noob thinks it’s Go Ahead’s time.  They have the offensive firepower to be one of the top two candidates for moving up.

RESULT:   2-2      Lars Veldwijk with the equalizer for Sparta at 90′

  1. Bentleigh Greens vs. Adelaide United – Australia FFA Cup

Here was the last Minnow in Australia.  They finished four last year in one of the country’s second division leagues (National Premier Leagues Victoria).  They got almost as favorable a draw as they could’ve for their Semifinal – midtable A-league team and at home.  Alas, the Green fell today 0-2.

  1. Sepahan vs. Nassaji Mazandaran – Iranian Hazfi Cup

This is Iran’s FA Cup and it has reached its Round of 16.  Sepahan have more league titles than anyone in the nation’s top tier, though they haven’t won it is 2013-14.

Nassaji are one of the best-attended clubs in the whole country.  This, despite the fact that they were only just promoted to the top division.  They’re the only team – or only team that’s any good at all – from their province is likely the reason.

RESULT:   Sepahan   1-1  /  4-3  PK

  1. Bangladesh vs. Philippines – Bangabandhu Gold Cup

This is the second and final Group Stage match of this standalone tournament  – no repercussions regarding other international events.   It was founded to celebrate Bangladesh’s founder and is hosted there.

Six countries competed in this year’s version.  Host Bangladesh are barely ranked in FIFA’s top 200, but home pitch advantage has meant a lot to the lowest-ranked team here.  Philippines only brought their B team for some reason, but there they are in the final.

This match isn’t so much “important” to Americans, but Noob gets to define the word however he wants.  This is my learning journey.  I’m glad you’re here.  it’s important to me and I hope in turn important to you that we get to know at least a little bit about soccer from all over.

RESULT:   Philippines   0-1       But both advance to the Semifinals as the top two finishers of their Group

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches – “It’s finished. It’s done! — Frodo Baggins

The ten most important matches to follow, for us – the newish American fans of the global game.

For the three Midweek days, Noob teases things out from one to three days.  When you have this many Champions League matches from around the world, they needs be spaced out.  Safety first, Noobites.

(Also, Tuesday and Wednesday matches and some resultd are now at bottom.)

Thursday

  1. Trinidad and Tobago vs. Panama – CONCACAF women’s World Cup qualification

This tournament is the women’s CONCACAF Championship, but as it has for many moons, it is also the qualifying event for World Cup.

The Central American and Caribbean teams have finished their opening round of play.  The top finishers from there now join the big North American teams in a Group Stage, hosted in the U.S.  Two Groups of four, top two from each make the Knockout Stage.  Out of that, the top three will go to 2019 World Cup.

These two teams join America and Mexico.  No one from here is beating the US, so it’s about trying to get to #B in the table.  If either of these two wants a shot at what should be Mexico’s slot, it must start with a win today.  That will probably be T&T.  They outscored their opponents 26-1 last stage.

Noob would guess they’re a heavy favorite against Panama, with an 11-5 GD and only finished #B in their pod last round.

  1. Qarabag vs. Arsenal – Europa League

Group Stage, pods of four, top two move on to the Knockout Stage.  That’s where we are in Europe’s secondary international club tournament.

There are two English teams in action today.  Arsenal’s match gets the Track-nod since they’re playing a stronger team and having to go on the road.  Not that today should be much of a for the Brits.

Qarabag’s been having to play qualifications matches to get to this Round, while Arsenal enter the competition only now.   The Azerbaijanis should easily be considered a two-goal underdog on their own pitch.

RESULT:   Arsenal   0-3

  1. Managua vs. Real Esteli – Nicaragua Premier

At least when Noob scouted this match a few days ago, it was #1 vs. #B.   I’m pressed for time over my real job to go to, so can’t even confirm that those table positions are still accurate.   But Noob does recall that the league was starting to turn into a three-horse race, so neither should be any worse than 3rd.

This isn’t one of even Central America’s stronger leagues.  But we’re CONCACAFfeinating ourselves this year, getting to know our federation neighbors.  Noob may add a little extra info here early evening.

Wednesday

  1. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur vs. Barcelona – UEFA Champions League

Scroll down to Tuesday’s mini-previews for some general tournament details.

Then scroll back up and witness Noob’s ire!   Hotspur are named for the historical, traitorous villain Harry Percy.  King and countrymen both, no one could trust him.   Yet he gets a football club named for him.   Maybe MLS will get Benedict Arnold FC as an expansion club someday.   Noob won’t root for them, either!

Team Bile and Vitriol are only about an even match for reigning La Liga champs at home. They’re going to be in bad shape if they can’t get a result of some kind, as they lost 2-0 to Inter Milan in their Group Stage match.  Barca walloped Dutch PSV Eindhoven 4-0 to open their Round.

Napoli hosting Liverpool is just as intriguing, but Noob’s gotta feed his raaaage.   (3:00 PM EST, TNT)

RESULT:   Barca   2-4

Image result for angry fat controller

 

 

 

Hotspur’s making us all Very.  Cross.

  1. Palmeiras vs. Colo Colo – Copa Libertadores

Quarterfinal match in South America’s version of Champions League.   This is the second leg of their home-and-away.

Things are looking grim for the #16 seed, Chilean Colo Colo.   They’re all the way down in 6th in their league, losers of five straight matches over all competitions.  They lost 0-2 to Brazilian behemoths Palmeiras.  They’ve not lost in five straight, have taken over #1 in the continent’s best league.

The winner will get Brazilian Cruziero, or underdog (and up 2-0!) Argentinian Boca Juniors.   (8:45 PM, Fox Deportes)

RESULT:   Palmeiras   2-0

  1. Kashima Antlers vs. Suwon Bluewings – AFC Champions League

So much CL, you’re going to have to inject it between your toes!

Asia’s version is into its Semifinal, and this is the first Kashima is your 2017 league runner-up from Japan, while Suwon finished 3rd in South Korea.  South Korea’s is the more highly-ranked league in the AFC, but Kashima would still be the favorite, even on a neutral pitch.

The winner will get either Persepolis out if Iran or Qatari club Al-Sadd.

RESULT:   Kashima   3-2       Suwon led 0-2 early

Image result for high on heroin funny

 

 

Replace “heroin” with “soccer”.   

You’re nodding.  I’m nodding.

  1. FCI Levadia vs. Nomme JK Kalju – Estonia Meistriliiga

#B against #1.  Double I’s in the league name.   Meistrliiga, you always bring the sweet relief.

Mr. Rogers once asked kids to do nothing for one minute, just watch the clock on the tv and see how long a minute was, what it felt like.   This is like that for Noob.   Let the high drama of hating Hotspur and all the Champions Leagues action come down a notch.

That’s a good stopping point for today.  Quality, if smaller domestic league match.  Noobites, see you tomorrow when we round out the Ten.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Manchester United vs. Valencia – UEFA Champions League

A reminder of where we are:

The “competition proper” is begun.  We’re seeing the Group Stage now.  Some teams qualified to enter only now, while others had to advance through tournament qualifying round/s.

There are eight groups of four clubs each.  Each club will play a double round robin, home and away matches with each other on in their pod.  Top two finishers move on to the bracketed Knockout Stage.  Third place clubs will get dropped down into a late round of the Europa League.  Last-place sad sacks have to rent halls and serve at table during fine catered dinners for the other three.

(All of that may not be true.  But if Noob ran UEFA…)

All the matches are “important” in this event, and there are eight today.  It’s the top club tournament in the world.  We’ll lean towards our cousins from England in coverage.  Hoffenheim from Germany and Manchester City are a dandy matchup today.  But this is the more interesting one for a particular reason.

Group H looks like a wicked-hard one.  Euros might even be calling it a “Group of Death”.  That seems unnecessarily dark, but ok.  They’ve played just one match each so far.  Man Utd blasted a Swiss club while Spain’s Valencia went down against the defending Italian league champs.

Based on their Elo ratings (Noob hearts footballdatabase.com), Man Utd should easily be a goal favorite at home.   But what makes this match intriguing is the drama going on with the Red Devils.  One of their stars – the Frenchman Pogba – and their manager – Mourinho – are at terrible odds.  The locker room is divided and the club is playing just .500 ball and sitting midtable in the Premier League.

Man Utd does.  Not.   Do.   Midtable.  They vie for titles.  They spend the money.  They finished #B in the EPL last season.  Pogba’s going to get a new team or the manager is going to be out soon.

Noob doesn’t even know what they’re fighting about.  My interest doesn’t run quite that deep.   It’s more fun to imagine the team ordered some sammiches in for a meeting and someone got someone else’s sammich but wouldn’t give it up.  Anyway, it’s perhaps THE story in English football, so our caring-needle is moved.   (3:00 PM EST, TNT)

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for pogba vs mourinho funny“You go over there and eat the turkey on rye you ordered!

I’m staying here with my corned beef.  You work for me!”

B.  Monterrey vs. Zapatec – Copa MX

A reminder of where we are:

Mexico’s leagues have two half-seasons annually – Apertura and Clausura.  We’re in the Apertura.  Concurrent with league play, they also run a Cup tournament during each half-season.  Only teams from the top two leagues compete.

The Group Stage is done.  We’re now seeing the Round of 16 in the bracketed Knockout Stage.  One-off matches, no home-and-away.

Part of the fun of Cups is watching for Minnows – underdogs, teams from leagues other than top-flite – to make deep runs.  Ascenso MX (D2) Juarez has already advanced to the Quarterfinals.  Tonight, we get to see if peers of their will join them.

Zacatepec are in 10th in the Ascenso.  That’s not even high enough to qualify for that league’s Ligilla (postseason)!   Yet here they are, facing mighty Liga MX’s Monterrey.   The only good news for Zaca is that Monterrey has been scuffling a tiny bit of late.  They’re just 1-1-2 in their last four matches.

But they’ve allowed no goals in their last two.  So it’s probably Monterrey by a couple on their own pitch today.   (8:00 PM, Fox Deportes)

RESULT:   Monterrey   4-2

Image result for Letter B fish

 

 

Number B makes friends with a Tanzanian blobfish.  

Not into Minnows, eh?

  1. Al Ahly vs. ES Setif – CAF Champions League

They’ve reached the Semifinals in Africa!  Here, they play home-and-away series to see who advances.  The #1 team on the continent hosts the first leg today.   Any and everyone would and should favor them by a couple goals.

Why?

ES Setif are the defending Algerian champs.  It’s a strong league there, ranked 4th.  But Egypt’s is #1.  Setif had to enter the tournament earlier than Ahly, may be more tired.  Setif only finished 2nd in their Group to advance.  Ahly won theirs.

But ES Setif just knocked out the defending CAF CL champs last round.   Here we go.

RESULT:   Al Ahly   2-0

’10 to Track; Relegation Monday soccer matches – so much suckitude. Embrace it

Noob’s daily endeavor is to bring us the ten most important matches to follow for we newish American fans of the global game.

Monday’s we take a different tack.   Each featured match (except one today) allows a look into the dark, horrible world of a team or teams about to get Relegated.  Kicked out of their leagues.

Let’s learn about them before the fade into the mists.   Fun Facts await!

First, one match of comparative happiness:

  1. AFC Bournemouth vs. Crystal Palace – England Premier League

Noob’s beloved Fighting Cherries of Bournemouth bounced back at least a tiny bit from their blowout loss to Burnley.  A 90’, 3-2 escape act over second division Blackburn in the EFL Trophy tournament doesn’t exactly quell my concerns though.  Still – three wins in six matches mean they’re still in the top half of the table.  This isn’t a big-budget team and that’s a nice start.

Crystal Palace defeated two future also-rans by an aggregate score of 1-0.  Their 0-3 win against recently demoted and now second-division #1 West Brom was quite possibly more impressive.   This should be a competitive match.  And it’s most def the only EPL match today.  Winner!

RESULT:   Cherries!   2-1

And now, your Matches of Suckitude!

B.  Rubin Kazan vs. Krylya Sovetov Samara – Russia Premier

Welcome back, second-to-last place KS Samara!   That 0-3 thumping you took from Krasnodar was nasty.   Noob admires your resiliency.  More, you’re record is wondrous.  Two goals and two wins (plus a draw!) on the season.  That’s efficiency.

So presumably it’s 0-1 or bust at #10 Rubin Kazan today.  Good luck with your super-specific strategy.

RESULT:   RK   2-1

Image result for Strategic letter B

 

It’s no longer this, Noobites.  

The Quest for Number B runs as follows:    1, B, 3, 4, 5, etc.

  1. Aves vs. Portimoense – Portugal Primeira Liga

Aves, you’ve managed three goals on the season and don’t have a single win to show for it?  You’re getting Relegated so hard, you’ll end up in Russia’s second division next season.   That’s like getting sent to a gulag, except with more soccer and not at all.  *bonnnnggggg*

Porti have twice as many goals and a win.  Don’t let them lord if over you.  Your league demotes three teams at season’s end and your hosts today are in position to be one of them, too.

Fun Fact:   Aves stunned the country and won the FA Cup last season.  But they didn’t get to play in Europa League for failing to obtain a license for European international tournaments.   Whoops.

RESULT:   Aves   3-0       It’s a Monday miracle!

  1. Parana Clube vs. Vasco da Gama – Brazil Serie A

It’s a Suckitude double-feature!

VdG won their Relegation feature match last week, but that only ties them on pints in the table with #15 Vitoria.  And da Gama are down to them by some tiebreaker or other.

Parana Clube has zero bite.  They’ve not won in a dozen league matches.  Looks like they’ve scored multiple goals in a game exactly once all year.   Noob can tell you table soccer is fun, guys.  Might be a nice fallback plan.

Oh, but do NOT play it with only a strobe for lighting.  Good LAWD.  Noob tried that once year’s ago.   This site is just one of may proofs of the effect that had on my brain.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for table soccer strobe light

 

 

LED lighting would’ve been just as easy and so much safer. 

  1. San Martin de Tucuman vs. Banfield – Argentina Primera

There are two teams in this league named “San Martin”.  Apparently, that ghost is the patron saint of crappy-ass footyball.  This particular San Martin isn’t even the better of the two.  Dead last in the multi-year Relegation table.  No wins this league season.

Banfield are a very average team.  Since this is an away match for them, should mean SM(T) only loses something like 8-1.

Fun Fact:   San Martin de Tucuman play in San Miguel de Tucuman.   This explains much.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Rudes vs. NK Istra 1961 – Croatia First Division

Wow but today is extra Suckitude-y.

Istra are in second-to-last, a position with would put them in a Relegation Playoff with a second-tier team for the right to play top-flite next season.  They’ve managed one win in eight league tries.  Yet that actually puts them above there hosts today.

As ghastly as Istra are, they score half again as often Rudes.  Noob would say they Rudes plays slightly better defense, except that neither plays any.

RESULT:   Istra   0-3

Image result for no defense soccer“First, don’t bother kicking the ball.  Just stare at it.   

Then, lamely use a military font to promote yourself…”

  1. General Diaz vs. 3 de Febrero – Paraguay Primera

OK, credit where it’s due.   3dF may be so deeply in last place in two-year aggregate Relegation table that they’ve forgotten how to even spell “hope”.  But they’ve earned three victories in eleven matches and look a heckuva lot better than Independiente (Campo Grande).

Could we be looking at a miracle?  Diaz are actually below 3dF in the Clausura (second half-season) table.

RESULT:   3dF   1-5       Monday-miraculous!

Image result for aguara'i

After watching stinky 3dF football, venture out to the Tati Yupi Refuge in the same state (Alto Parana) to see animals like this South American skunk, the aguara’i.

  1. ENPPI vs. El Hodood – Egyptian Premier

Hello, this is The Management.  I’m cordoning off this space, keeping it Noob-free.  He seems a little rough around the edges today.  RoughER perhaps is more accurate.

I’m usurping Noob’s place for Feature Match #8.  ENPPI are a mid-table team.  El Hodood are in 16th place out of 18 clubs.  The bottom three will get demoted many months from now.  Hodood has shown the most stagnant offense.  But the data set is small, as the season is young.

That may be a little more straight forward than Noobites are used to in this little corner of the soccer world.  But you can you imagine the sad, middle-school humor Noob would display here with en-peepee-I and Ho-dude?

*snicker*

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Jagiellonia Bialystok vs. Slask Wroclaw – Poland Ekstraklasa

This league is one that divided into Championship and Relegation subdivisions later in the season.  Slask Wroclaw will be in the latter, but Noob will will them to not get The Boot.   The world needs them in the top division!   They have the second-most villainous sounding club name I’ve run across yet.  We’re not losing them, dammit.

Today’s match against the league #1 won’t help their cause or confidence though.

Oh, and it’s Lithuanian club Zalgiris Vilnius who carry the supervillain club name top honor to date.

Fun Fact:   It’s still not uncommon to see anticommunism signs at Slask matches.  Many of their fans fought the Red regime in Poland back in the day.

RESULT:   Slask   0-4

  1. Ingolstadt vs. Union Berlin – 2. Bundesliga

We finish today’s bitter pill-of-a-Track in German’s second division.  Two teams will get automatically moved down from this one, with another having to play a Relegation Playoff against some D3 Bavarian pub team or other to stay this high.

Ingolstadt are equal hot mess parts D and O.  Duisburg being even more putrid in-goal is all that keeps them from last place.  Union Berlin are the league’s last undefeated team, though only in 4th place for that (3-4-0 record).  U.B. expecting  them to win by a goal on the road today.

RESULT:   U.B.  1-2

Image result for that was awful gif

 

What, the “U.B.” pun?

Noob will not apologize to you, Timberlake, not to anyone.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Sunday (9/30) – MLS, Liga MX, Premiere League, and a superdose of CONCACAF

No zany image inclusions today.  No honorable mention-matches.  No stateside TV listings.

Noob is dozing in the overstuffed chair that serves as my throne from which I reign over all I survey.  So no extra bells and whistles today.  Sleep comes for Noob unbidden, stalking me like a lion in the rushes.

But the soccer action is hawt.   Marvel at the quality matches leading the way.  Linger longer and savor the deep hits into CONCACAF domestic leagues we make.   And have blessed footyball Sunday!

  1. New York Red Bulls vs. Atlanta United – Major League Soccer

#B hosts #1, two teams that have finally bot separated themselves a little bit from the Eastern Conference pack.  it’s very unlikely either team will get caught for one of the top two Playoff seeds.  If either wins today, that team will be all but guaranteed that bye and home field advantage.

Red Bulls had given up six goals in two matches – a loss and a draw – before shutting out Toronto last time out.  Bradley-Wright Phillips has been the star offensive-player all year.  Argentinian national winger Alejandro Romero’s surging contributions may be the key to a strong regular season finish.

For scoring sensations ATL, Josef Martinez has been the star, breaking the league scoring mark.  But if Hector Villalba (Argentinian by birth, currently affiliated with Paraguay) keeps getting involved like he has of late, no one is stopping this club from getting the #1 seed.  Or probably the MLS Cup.

RESULT:   NYRB   2-0    Daniel Royer and Tim Parker with goals, Alex Muyl with an assist.  Noob….doesn’t know these names!  These were not my names I wrote.     Such noobishness.

B.  Sporting Kansas City vs. Real Salt Lake – Major League Soccer

First, the Noob-angles.   KC as a supporter in The Management.  RSL stokes Noob’s ire just by being “Real.  Find Noob the monarch that formally blessed this team and I’ll accept that name.  Until then, scorn for them!

OK, with that business out of the way  — KC is back behind #1 Dallas again in the West.  They’ve got the best GD in conference.  Bias aside, Noob thinks they’ll overtake Dallas again for #1.

Salt Lake has slipped down to 6th, and the last postseason slot.  They still lead LA Galaxy by four points for that honor though.  If they do fall below 6th, they’ll look at their recent home draw against lowly Minnesota harshly.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. CF America vs. Guadalajara – Liga MX

CFA may have just lost to an Ascenso side in the Copa, but it’s hard to put a ton of stock in that necessarily.  They’re vying for the Apertura (first half-season) title and #1 seed for the Liguilla (playoffs) and may well have been sitting or going light on some starters.  Prior to that match, they’d been on a four-match winning streak.

Guadalajara are down in 11th, though only a point behind a slue of teams tied for the eight and final playoff berth.  They don’t have the quality defense necessary to leapfrog enough teams to get there though.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Cardiff City vs. Burnley – English Premier League

Second-to-last place Cardiff earned promotion from the second-division last season.  And their last win came when playing in that league.  #17 Burnley were winless as well, until stomping all over Noob’s beloved Bournemouth Fighting Cherries and my heart.

Burnley have the experience to move up towards midtable over the next couple weeks.  Cardiff are probably going right back down to Championship League.

This is a matchup far better suited for a Relegation Monday.  But it’s the one EPL match we have today.

RESULT:   Burnley   1-2

  1. Lille vs. Marseille – Ligue 1

Paris Saint-Germain are 8-0-0.   The league race may end up anything but.   But there are two other Champions League berths to be had.

These two are tied for 4th, just a slot shy of one.   Today, Lille will try taking the air out of the ball, as is their wont.  PSG aside, Marseille have the best offense running in France.

RESULT:   Lille   3-0    So much for the no-air ball theory

  1. BATE Borisov vs. Dinamo Minsk – Belarus Premier

This is a league on the rise, will just crack the #20 in UEFA in the 2019 rankings.   That’s still just good for one Champions League invite, however.

Two thirds of the way through the season, BATE has nearly achieved a double-digit lead in the table.  This is never a surprise.   Dinamo are tied for #B, though they have the advantage of having played one less game than their peer.  The #B’s have the league’s best defenses, but BATE is in their class there and much more powerful up front for scoring.

RESULT:   BATE   2-1

  1. Saprissa vs. San Carlos – Costa Rica First Division

This has always been one of Noob’s sneaky-favorite CONCACAF domestic leagues.  They are every bit as good as America’s.

Saprissa are in a deadlock with Alajuense at #1, even tied on GD.  They do it on defense, allowing just a teeny half goal per game-average.

San Carlos were just promoted for the first time ever to top-flite.  They’re #3 currently, and top four clubs will make the domestic playoffs.  They don’t have the defense to stay quite this high (Herediano will pass them, and soon), but the offense has been terrific.  Perez Zeledon probably pose the biggest threat to knocking them out entirely.

RESULT:   3-3       Each side squandered a lead today.  Jairo Ariette and Marcos Mena each with a pair of goals

  1. Olimpia vs. Marathon – Honduras National League

#1 Olimpia are the one undefeated team remaining here.  But they’re not ahead of the pack by much at all, courtesy of five draws in their 10 matches so far.

Marathon are tied for #B.  More importantly today, they are 4-2-0 against Olimpia in their last six.

This league isn’t Costa Rica, but it’s very good in Central America.  Noob thinks when in another 2-3 week the league race will look like these two and Motagua.  Those three are a full notch better on defense in than the others outside that group.

RESULT:   Olimpia   2-1     Jerry Bengtson with both goals for the winners.  Things got chippy let, as Marathon lost one guy to a second yellow on the day, then another to a straight red shortly after.

  1. W Connection vs. Central – Trinidad and Tobago Pro League

Noob assumes this is one of the best teams from the Caribbean region, based on the trouble their national team always seems to give the U.S.  Whether or not that corelates, a shiny 1-B matchup always hits the spot.

W Conn are #1, undefeated.  a 28-5 GD says they may not lose anytime soon, either.  Central trail them by just four, and are every bit as good when it comes to goal-scoring at least.

Top two finishers qualify for the Caribbean Club Championship next year.  Police FC are the only team likely to give Central a challenge, and Noob wouldn’t bet on it.

RESULT:       now listed for 10/5

  1. Cibao vs. Atletico de SF – Dominican Republic Liga Mayor

#B vs. #1 from the regular season, and they remain so in their postseason subdivision.  After that, the league’s top six move on, start over on points.

But they’re #B and #1 again just the same.  AdSF’s goal-scoring has been fading a little.  Not the case with Cibao.  Today, they’ll switch places in the standings.

RESULT:   1-1

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Saturday (9/29) – MLS, EPL, El Clasico lead the way

Noob tries to bring something unique to the internet landscape —

A shared, live-action learning journey of mine also meant to be one for YOU.  Learning about the best clubs, leagues, and tournaments the world over.  how it all fits together.  BUT.  Coupled with the most oddball humor-angle.

Today, at least you’re rewarded with a treasure trove of high-quality matches from the biggest leagues.   But there will still be weirdness.  I promise.  And you’ve been warned.

  1. Portland Timbers vs. FC Dallas – Major League Soccer

Dallas and Kansas City keep going back and forth for the #1 seed in the Western Conference.  Electric boogaloo!  They’re back on top by two points with a tie to tough Columbus Crew bookended by nice (if predictable) wins versus Houston and Vancouver (who just fired their coach).   A great sign for them is that they’re succeeding playing low and high-scoring matches of late.

The #4 Timbers have trended the other way, losing two of three.  Both were on the road, but 4-1 thrashing by Houston has to be of particular concern.  Even in their home win over Columbus, they’ve played shite for defense.   At 32, is keeper Steve Clark getting a bit long in the tooth, feeling the late season lots more perhaps then his younger counterparts?   (10:30 PM EST, ESPN+)

RESULT:   0-0

B.  D.C. United vs. Montreal Impact – Major League Soccer

D.C. still have five points to make up on Montreal for the East’s last Playoff slot.  It’s been an impressive second-half season comeback for the former bottom-feeders.  Wayne Rooney money appears money well-spent.

But they’ve not beaten Montreal in their last seven tries (3D, 4L).  To break that streak, they’ll look to control the pace, make it a fast and flying match.  Montreal’s success of late has been on a suddenly improving defense, peaking at the right time of year.   (7:00 PM, ESPN+)

RESULT:   D.C.   5-0        Rooney with two goals.   Acosta with a goal and three assits

Image result for letter B bird

 

 

Not the fastest-flying bird, Number B.

Yet still, nice call namedropping the Bobolink.

  1. Queretaro vs. Tigres – Liga MX

You just have to love the format in Mexico (and other Latin, South American countries) where they divide the annual league soccer calendar into two separate tournaments.  Each match is -so- important.  In fact, Noob requires your love for this!   Liga MX WILL have it.

OK, that got weird for a bit.  Welcome to Noob, if you’re new.  This match features two teams right on the edge of qualifying for the Liguilla (postseason).  Top eight clubs get in, and there’s a three-way tie for 7th-9th right now.  Wave hi, combatants.

UANL Tigres are the story here.  They haven’t lost a match since mid-August.  They’re also coming into this key road match off two clean sheets.  They’re better on both sides of the ball than Queretaro.  Which makes this match being IN Queretaro so awesome.  Noob’s absolutely finding someone with ESPN Deportes in order to catch this one (6:00 PM).

RESULT:   Tigres   0-2    A.P. Gignac with both goals

  1. Chelsea vs. Liverpool – England Premier League

These two just played a few days ago, in the EFL Trophy tournament.  (Chelsea won 1-2).  You can learn a Noob-bit about it on the Vocab page for this site.

I’d love to be able to truthfully say I didn’t include in on that day’s Track because I knew they were playing a more important league match today.  But that would make me a lie-ahh!  Noob scouted it.  Fully intended to do a mini-preview.    Crapped the bed, skipping right over it on the ol’ spreadsheet.

Oh, how long will Noob suffer his own Noobishness!  Will this Dantean circle of hell ever be written out of the accursed book?

Get a grip, Noob.  There’s no soccer in “The Inferno”. 

Oh, The Management, you cannot pull Noob from the fire and anguish in my own mind, brought on by my own footyball incompetence!

Just – do the damn mini-preview.

Right!  Liverpool are #1.  6-0-0.  Two other clubs are 5-1-0.  Chelsea is one of those.  Neither has the overall offensive striking capability of defending champs Man City, so this match is super-duper key to the league race.  Also, Liverpool hasn’t beaten them in their last four attempts.

Names to Listen For:  For Liverpool, Mo Salah is the smexy name, as he broke the league scoring record last year.  But it’s striker Daniel Sturridge that’s been keeping that engine firing of late.  Eden Hazard remains the focal point of everything Chelsea does.

There.  Feel better?  Hey now!  Put your shirt back on and that wire coat hanger away! 

The Management apologizes for needing to redact the next would-be portion of the blog, as Noob punishes himself so catastrophically as to make this the internet’s first-ever “snuff blog”.   (12:30 PM, NBCSN)

RESULT:   1-1     And guess who scored?  Hazard and then the very late one to tie it from Daniel Sturridge!

  1. Juventus vs. Napoli – Italy Serie A

Last year’s runaway #1 and #B teams from 2017-18 occupy the same two spots this year early on.  With world’s greatest player-Cristiano Ronaldo, Juve are 6-0-0 and looking unstoppable.

Napoli were soooper fun to watch for their wide-open offensive style last season, may once again pose the only real threat to Juve.  They’ve netted six goals their last two games, getting back into form.   (12:00 PM, Rai Italia)

RESULT:   Juve   3-1      Ronaldo with a pair of assits

  1. Real Madrid vs. Atletico Madrid – Spain La Liga

It’s “El Clasico” – two of the mighty powers of Spain’s always top-heavy league.  Real are tied for 1st with the current world dominator Barcelona.   They’ve had heaps of trouble with #3 Atletico in recent matches though.

Atletico like to keep the scores low, were and are a very defensive-minded group.  But if Real can find the back of the net early today at home, this is their match to lose.   (2:45 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for El Clasico funny

That actually looks like a fight scene from the Elijah Wood Movie “Green Street Hooligans” to Noob.

  1. USBM vs. Phare du Canal – Guadeloupe Division d’Honneur

How serious is Noob of late about us getting to know our CONCACAF brethren?   I didn’t look up and don’t even feel the need to double check my spelling of this league’s name.  Boom!

This league is unusual.  1)  They’re in CONCACAF despite being an overseas department of France. B)   They’re even part of the French football system while being in our local federation.  3)  Teams get four points for a win, two for a draw, and one for just being on the schedule (by which I mean a loss).

Ooh, and check out how close this title race was last year.  CSM beat both these teams out by a single point.  These two finished #B and #3 and were themselves separated by just one tiebreaking goal in differential for the entire season.

The season just started a week or so ago.  Noob is curious to see if the league race is wide open year to year if the same teams will be front-running again.

RESULT:   2-2

  1. Thun vs. Young Boys of Bern – Switzerland Super League

FC Basel is the name Noob consistently hears on satellite radio shows regarding Switzerland.  But it’s YBB who are 8-0-0 to start.  (Check out Noobstradamus’ vision regarding YBB’s last home game to learn some history on the naming of city-Bern.  If you can pick it out through the sheer inanity!)  They’re scoring well over three goals per match and sports the league’s top defense early on.

#B Thun score second-most in the land, but have to sacrifice D to do it.  Still, this may be the top contender to Bern’s likely title.  No other club in the league even has a positive GD to date.

RESULT:   YBB   1-4

Image result for Thun Switzerland funny

 

Noob’s going to start playing lottery, win, and buy Oberhofen Castle on Lake Thun.

You’re invited to party.

  1. Riga vs. RFS – Latvia Higher League

Noobites will also see this as “Virsliga” some places.  Because Noob knows you’re going to look for Latvian football content multiple places.  *bonnnnngggg*  It’s the 42nd-ranked league in UEFA, after all.

But what can Noob say?  I’m attracted to shiny things, and nothing glistens like a 1-B matchup.   And every member country gets at least its champ into Champions League.  Noob actually does know you’ll be looking at that.

They’re about 2/3 of the way through their season already.  Riga have opened up a four-point lead on both Riga and Ventsplis.  While not unique, it is rare to see a team on top that leans so heavily on their defense only.  Their offense is actually below average compared to the entire eight-team league.

Riga had won 13 matches in a row until their scoreless draw last outing.  If not for a tough start to their season, they’d already have bought polish for the league trophy.

Meanwhile, RFS just got off a three-match, scoreless losing streak.  If they can get a W today, this league race is going to be a dandy to follow, #42-rank or not.

RESULT:   Riga FC   1-2     Noob had the home and away sides turned around

  1. APOEL Nicosia vs. AEK Larnaca – Cyprus Super Cup

One of Noob’s first-ever Twitter (@SoccerNoobUSA) followers was a proud mama of two boys who both played or maybe even still play for APOEL.  Cypriot soccer will often win a tiebreaker for Track inclusion.

Also, please join Noob in shock and amazement at not realizing how strong this league is.  I’d have guessed closer to eighteenth from the bottom than actual #18 in UEFA.

After 20 years of the event being held in Nicosia, the times have changed.  Larnaca hosts today.  They won the country’s FA Cup last season to earn their place here.  APOEL won the league title, as is often the case.  With apologies to that lovely APOEL mom, Noob thinks Larnaca’s rise will continue.  They’re winning today in AET or penalty kicks.

RESULT:   Larnaca   1-1  /  1-4  pens       Wow.  Called that one!

Image result for Catacomb of Faneromeni Church

 

 

So long from the Catacomb of Phaneroni Church, Larnaca!  

 

The city name most likely means “coffer”, referring to the massive number of sarcophagi found at this and other sites in the city.

’10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday soccer matches – Liga MX, Bundesliga, then off to see the world!

With the weekend imminent, league schedules run a little lighter on Fridays.  These are no Soccer Sabbaths though!

We find what league and Cup matches close to home are best, move on to Europe, South American, and then goodness knows where.  Usually, that’s anywhere in the world, far and wide!   Today, Noob keeps most of the focus on Europe.  We’ll be checking out some hot D2 action.

Matches with clubs you won’t see everywhere online, plus Fun Facts about them, their leagues and locales.  Takeoff time is now.  The stewardess is closing the first-class curtain.  Noobites are on the champagne side of it.

  1. Atlas vs. Toluca – Liga MX

Two Mexican top-tier matches today, and three of the involved teams are from the very bottom of the table.  Atlas are lowest of all, having yet to win a match this Apertura (first half-season).  That’ll happen when you’ve only managed to score once in all ten matches.

Toluca are the one good team in action there today, sitting pretty in 3rd place.  That makes this match a “Hiccup Watch”.   Even on the road, Toluca should cruise.  But will they rest usual starters?  Might they just prepare for this match as hard?  Hiccup.   (10:00 PM EST, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Atlas   2-0     The nightmare is over!

B.  Hertha Berlin vs. Bayern Munich – Bundesliga

Bayern just dropped their first points of the season to bottom-half Augsburg.  For the rawest of Noobites, that means it’s the first match they didn’t win.  They’ll win most of them.  They had several stars not play, gave up the equalizing goal at 87’.

Hertha Berlin are the more interesting story.  Part of it, anyway.   Once you get past the top two in the table, there’s a host of teams just behind that were nowhere close last season.  Top four will make Champions League, and a couple clubs not used to such rarefied airs may well make it!

As for today’s match, Noob thinks HB are good for a draw, especially if Bayern are resting players or dealing with injuries already.   (2:30 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   Hertha Berlin   2-0        A sloppy, overly-aggressive match from Bayern seems HB pull into a 1st-place tie with them

Image result for letter B in the sky

 

 

I don’t mean to nitpick, Number B.

But it’s not “rarefied air” if you’re in outer space.

  1. Sheffield Wednesday vs. Leeds United – English Championship

England’s top league, noob as read, has been or is ranked as high as #13 in all Europe.  Add in the massive amounts money teams get for getting Promoted from here to Premier and it’s interesting two ways.

Looking to make that jump are current #1 Leeds.  They were deficient last year on defense in particular, but have made massive strikes, allowing fewer than a goal per game average.  Sheffield are in 10th, and so just average.  Noob counts them as a goal-underdog at home.

Fun Fact:   In the early 20th C., a player presented Sheffield Wednesday  with a monkey to be used as a mascot.   The idea did not catch on.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Dundalk vs. UCD – FAI Cup (Ireland)

It’s a battle of league #1’s in this one-off Semifinal!   Dundalk lead the Premier while University College Dublin are tops in the First League.  They’re different league for a reason, no matter how strong the U. has been playing.  Dundalk by a pair.

Winners get the defending league and Cup champs Cork City, unless Bohemians defeat them.   Unlikely, but it’s a road match for the current trophy-keepers.

RESULT:   Dundalk   1-0

 

 

The town of Dundalk is closely tied to the mythological hero Cu Chulainn.

In story, he earned that name over his birthname after taking the place of a guardian dog he killed in self-defense.

  1. Viktoria Plzen vs. Sparta Prague – Czech First League

The Republic’s top league was getting close to a high enough UEFA ranking that they could’ve soon seen two clubs get Champions League invites.  Alas for them, they’re slipping from 13th to 17th in the rankings for 2019.

Still, this is a classic matchup for the country.  Sparta are undefeated, yet just #B in the table.  Viktoria Plzen are #3.  The latter’s goal differential looks a bit peakish, leading Noob to wonder if this league will be a two-horse race.  Already, Noob thinks they’re just an even match on their own pitch today.

Fun Fact:  Plzen’s best European finish was in 2013-14 when the qualified for Champions League and finished 3rd in the Group Stage.  After then getting dropped down to Europa League, they made the Round of 16.

RESULT:   Plzen   1-0

  1. Lens vs. Paris FC – France Ligue 2

Top two will be automatically Promoted to Ligue 1 at season’s end.  Next three will duke it out in a Playoff for one more to join them.  That’s where we find these two – #3 and #5.

Lens have made massive strides on defense since 2017-18 when they finished in the bottom half of the league.  Paris look about like they did last year, statistically anyway.  If that holds, they’ll be good, but not enough so to stay in the Promotion chase.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for sang et or

 

Lens fans will raise their scarves and sing sang et or – “blood and gold” – after the club colors.

  1. NEC Nijmegen vs. Go Ahead Eagles – Netherlands Eerste Divisie

The Netherland’s top league is poised to nearly crack the top ten in Europe.  This is the Dutch second division.

NEC finished 3rd in the regular season last year before losing in a Promotion Playoff.  They’re defense is really suspect this season though.  And #1 GHE may be the club that can expose them.  Top-notch goal-scoring.

Fun Fact:  NEC was founded by its towns workers, lowest socioeconomic class.  This was very rare, as Dutch football was a very elitist sport at the turn of the 20th C.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. BW Linz vs. FC Leifering – Austria 2. Liga

Teams here are vying to move up to the Austrian Bundesliga, rated the #11 league in UEFA.   Only the top one gets to make that move though.

Linz is #1 and one of just two realistic-looking candidates.  Leifering are #3, but haven’t yet shown the firepower probably necessary to vie for the league title.

RESULT:   BWL   2-1

Foto.Linzertorte.JPG

 

The “Linzer torte” was thought for a long time to be the oldest recipe cake in the world.

  1. Sektzia Nes Tziona vs. Hapoel Katamon Jerusalem – Israel  Liga Leumit

Israel’s Premier is on the decline, will be down several notches to #25 next year.  But hey, that’s still above average!  SNT are #3, HKJ #B.

All the clubs in the top 2/3 of the league appear to play about the same defensively.  These two are among three that can score at a fair clip on top of that.

The top two finishers will get Promoted to Premier.  Before that happens, the going will get tougher for clubs like these, as the league divided into Championship and Relegation subdivisions.

Fun Fact:   The town of Ness Ziona was first known as “Wadi Channin”.

RESULT:    HJK   1-3

  1. Al-Wehdat vs. Al-Faisaly – Jordan Premier

At last, we head into Noob-uncharted waters!   Jordan’s top league – which you might just see as “The Jordan League” elsewhere soemtimes– is ranked 16th in Asia.  That’s about the 1/3 mark.  Just the winner will get into this federation’s Champions League.

Wehdat are the defending league champions.  No one could keep up with them on offense last year.   Or on defense.  But the difference was greater with the former.  Faisaly finished 3rd.  on the strength of their defense.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for Al-Wehdat

 

Also known as Amman Refugee Camp, Al-Wehdat is a Palestinian refugee area.

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches – more UEFA women’s Champions League in our lives

Time for our last two matches of the Midweek Edition.  Fine, quality footyball to be found in both.   This, despite how bonkers Wednesday got in the writing.

Remember to scroll farther down for Tues. and Wed. results.  And to consider following SoccerNoobUSA on the tweeter.  And to patronize establishments which have replaced plastic straws with alternatives like bamboo.

Thursday

  1. Zurich vs. Honka – UEFA women’s Champions League

How little parity is there in the women’s game?  There are six matches being played today in this event, all second legs.  Every home team today is ahead on aggregate, meaning they all won their away games.  No draws even.

This is the closest one.  More, both were champions of their domestic leagues last season.  Zurich won 0-1 in Finland.  They get a chance to wrap this up neatly at home in Switzerland today.

RESULT:   Zurich   5-1      Fabienne Humm with the first three scores

  1. Olimpija Llubljana vs. Gorica – Slovenia Liga

It’s a lighter day for league games – not uncommon.   There are tons of FA Cup matches form various countries Noobites can Google up.  But none of the “big” countries’ events are far enough along to catch my eye today, while the ones who are a little deeper into their tournaments are “smaller” nations’.

So, welcome to the #30 league in Europe, nestled lovingly between Romania and Slovakia, just below average ordinally.  These clubs are #B and #3 about ten matches into their season.

O.J. trail historic and current #1 Maribor by four in the table.  Gorica have overachieved to this point.  They don’t have nearly the offense of any other team in the top half of the league.  Nor do they play the defense to make up for that.  They’ve lost just one (four wins, four draws).  But today, that total gets doubled.

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for ljubljana funny

 

So long from Ljubljnana, home of Olimpija and the Museum of Illuisions!

(Noob assumes these patrons are actually real.)

 

Wednesday 

#B.  Houston Dynamo vs. Philadelphia Union – U.S. Open Cup

The final!  $300,000 cash prize on the line, plus an automatic berth into the next CONCACAF Champions League.  Bet there will be a spit-polished fancy trophy, too.

Not all the teams have been playing all their starters leading up to today.  Understandable, saving energies for league games.  Noob’s not at all sure why Houston’s bothered.  Their GD holds up, indicates they’re a capable bunch.  But waaaay too many draws have them down in 10th in the West.  They won’t catch a sniff of the league Playoffs.

Meanwhile, Philly is here for the third time in five years.  They’re 5th in the much tougher-at-the-top Eastern Conference.  Goal differential is negative, but they’re win-or-bust.  Just four draws all season.

New Jersey-born Bedoya attacking midfielder gets talked a lot about being the key to the Unioin’s success.  Mayhaps.   But Noob thinks the key man for them will their Czech international Borek Dockal.  He leads the league in assists.  After a comparatively quiet September, Philly needs him controlling possession and servicing passes like a champ.

The Dynamo have been seemingly all over the map stylistically in league of late.   Will keeper Joe Wills have to make a barrage of saves because they’ll be sending everyone forward?  Whether they do or not, look for Colombian international forward Mauro Monatas to get in the scoring early.  He doesn’t convert a high percentage of his chances, yet ranks sixth in league goal-scoring.

Noob thinks this is very even matchup.  If you live where gambling is legal and can get straight-up odds, take Houston.  Philly didn’t capture the title in either of their last two tries.  And the road is the road, woefully hard to win on it any given day.   (8:00 PM EST, ESPN2)

RESULT:   Houston   3-0       Monatas with a pair of first-half scores

Image result for letter B trophy

 

 

Number B’s design idea for the USOC trophy.

  1. NYCYC vs. Chicago Fire – Major League Soccer

Your ‘Muricuhn soccer undercard is this one, the only league match today.  And it’s what Noob deems a “Hiccup Watch”.  NYCFC should – on paper – beat them handily, especially at home.  Or will they have a hiccup.

In Match #B, Noob noted the East was the tougher conference, but at the top specifically.  The West is stronger when comparing teams in similar positions further down the standings.  Chicago are 10th in the East and not nearly as good as Houston, even independent of the latter’s appearance in the Cup Final.

That said, the Fire are showing at least a little spunk of late.  They just earned a road draw against Playoffs-bound Philly.  Right before that, they kicked the tar out of Orlando City (worst club in the East) 4-0.

Couple that with NYCFC’s current skid of late and one is forced to wonder if the Fire can’t get a result tonight.  The Blues have faced six straight Postseason-caliber teams and beaten none of them.  Really, they haven’t won against a “good” team since mid-July (Columbus Crew).  The trouble?  The offense has gone Houdini on them.

Without attacking midfielder Jesus Medina still likely out (hamstring), veteran Spanish scorer David Villa must find his early-season form.  Otherwise, Chicago is getting a scalp with which to salvage their non-Playoff wounds.   (7:00 PM, ESPN+)

RESULT:   NYCYC   2-0      David Villa with one of the goals

  1. Queretaro vs. Dorados De Sinaloa – Copa MX

Just Match #1 of the Midweek for some details about where things are in this event.

Noob goes fishing for Minnow once again!   Sinaloa are in 12th in the Ascenso.  The consider scoring to be gauche, ungentlemanly, and eschew it nearly always.

Liga MX side Pachuca are in 13th.  They score a little more against the bigger boys, but also play better defense.  They’re in 13th, but will climb.  Queretaro 2-0 today feels like an easy prediction.   (8:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Queretaro   2-1      Camilo with both goals for the victors

 

 

 

A clear ball and a funky hat.   The prognostication business feels pretty easy.

  1. Brondby vs. Juventus – UEFA women’s Champions League

The Round of 16 wraps up this week as they play the second matches of two-legged ties.

Beyond the very best few teams in the world, Noob is still desperately unversed on the women’s side of the game.  But life is long, so here’s us learning!

This is the closest tie of those being played today.  Brondby earned a 2-2 draw at Juve in the first match.  I have a general sense that Nordic countries play and host a lot of quality women’s soccer.  While that may not mean that they don’t further south, Noob looks for the Danish club to topple the Italians today.

RESULT:   Brondby   1-0

  1. Young Boys of Bern vs. St. Gallen – Switzerland Super League

Last year, St. Gallen finished midtable while sporting about the worst defense in the league.   They weren’t even that good at offense.  Early this season, they’re better on both side of the ball, sitting on 3rd as their reward.

RESULT:   YBB   2-0

Image result for Noobstradamus

 

Look who’s back —  It’s NOOBSTRADAMUS!   

He was right quick to get pissed off, point out to Noob that real prognostication isn’t for amateurs.   

 

And he’s had a vision.  God help us.

Yes.

I close my eyes, lose myself to space and time.  When I open my eyes, I know it is not in the true corporeal world.   I am having a Vision.  I am in the Vision.

I only have a vague sense of who I am, an attendant of some kind to the Duke of Zahringen, Berchtold V.  We’re out hunting.  It’s the late 12th C.  And it’s cold.  This vision sucks.

Old Berchty, as those closer to him refer to him here and now, is bored of life in Zahringen after succeeding his late father just five years in.  What better way to cure that than to, oh, found a new city. 

“I’m going to name it Berchtyland!”   He gets no response from his entourage.  “Berchtycity?”

“Perhaps you could name it after something you see, find, sire.”

Berchty’s a crabby apple, must be feeling the cold as well.  He backhands the attendant, breaking his nose.  But to his credit, he considers the idea.

“That might be too much.  Everything in Swabia has our family name all over it.  I will name the city which I shall raise here after the first animal we find!”

Everyone agreed it was a good idea.  Probably because Berchty wasn’t the sharpest knife in the kitchen and other ideas he might come up with would be more likely to be worse than better.  But a squirrel bolted across our path just then, stirring out horses.

“Squirreltyton!  Perfect!”

“Brilliant, um, but I think there is already a ‘Squirreltyton’ a few duchies west of Swabia.  You surely don’t want to be found copying anyone.”

It was total bunco.  But again, our liege is dim.  We rode on.  Stopping for a drink at a stream, the Duke saw a worm.  And he looked like he was trying to think extra hard.  

Sensing the need to avert disaster, another attendant whispered in my ear.  I nodded at his idea and sneaked off a little ways, cloak and fur hat in hand.

When the party started to remount, I started shoving branches and bushes around, making much din, from a distance.  Close enough to be seen, but just.  I had put my cloak over my head and the fur hat just so and thrashed around a bit more, growling all the while.

“My liege, look, a noble bear!  it would honor all his kind for its name to be taken for your city.”  The attendant who’d whispered this idea to me was a sly one. 

“Quite right!   We’ll name the city “Bern”, since that’s in our language.  I’ll bet he’s majestic!  Let’s kill it.  Since we’re hunting and stuff.”

Not wanting his own nose broken and leaving Noobstradamus high and dry, my peer said nothing.  The Duke, though a dolt, was a good shot.  His arrow found its mark, piercing my leg and catching an artery.  I knew I was done for. 

The best I could do was limp frantically away upstream and then throw myself in the water.  If Berchtold tracked the blood trail, found my body and discovered the ruse, he’d perhaps kill everyone in a rage.  And name the town-to-be ‘Wormyville’. 

As the cold water took me away – damn this cold again! – the lifeblood leaking out of me caught in a small eddy and formed the words ‘Bern 3-0 over St. Gallen’.  

And THAT is how you prognosticate.  You’re amateur hour, sir.  Good day.

— Noobstradamus, wait!  Noob as so many non-soccer questions for you.

I said ‘Good day’, sir!

  1. Norrkoping vs. Malmo – Sweden Allsvenskanliga

Eight points behind 1st-place AIK.  If traditional co-behemoth Malmo are going to make a move with just 1/3 of the season remaining, they’d best hop to it.

They’ll have to hope with much vigor to get a result today.  Malmo may have the better GD, but #B Norrkoping are very good, and especially so on defense.  That’s tough to get past on someone else’s pitch.

RESULT:   Norrkoping   3-1      Kalle Holmberg with two first-half scores

  1. Maccabi Tel Aviv vs. Maccabi Haifa – Israel Toto Cup

This is not the country’s FA Cup, which is considered more important.  This tournament is just for clubs from the top two divisions.  It’s largely used to give reserves and young player a chance for minutes, plus testing out some foreign players.

Still, it’s a Final today!   The site is Petach Tikva, neutral.  MTA finished runner-up last year in the Premier, while M. Haifa were 10th.  Things are much the same early in 2018-19, as they’re #1 and #9 now.

RESULT:   MTA   2-1       They got the winning goal at 85′

Image result for toto cup trophy

 

 

A Toto Cup trophy.  

Sort of a walking taco-motif.

 

Tuesday

  1. Pachuca vs. Cafetaleros de Tapachula – Copa MX

Midweek games tend to be centered around Cup tournaments.  They save the league matches for the weekends.  In Mexico, just as the yearly league season is divided into two separate halves (Apertura and Clausura), so they also concurrently play Apertura and Clausura Cups.   This is the Apertura underway, and they’ve moved on from the Group Stage and now begin the Knockout Stage with 16 teams.

One of Noob’s great joys is looking for Minnow – lower-division underdogs – in the Cups.  Since this Copa only involves teams from the top two divisions, can’t get any more Minnow-y than last place in the D2 Ascenso.  And guess what?   Tapachula is right there.   They’re so lousy on defense, Noob wonders if they’d stand up for their own mothers.

Um, Noob?  Don’t you think it’s classier to leave the mothers out of most any contentious talk?

Thanks for chiming in, The Management.  You may be right.  But I will not be filtered!  They are awful in that half.  Probably going down to whatever hell the third tier is.  Will they even get paid?

Pachuca are in 13th in the top-tier Liga MX.  They’re GD suggests they’re better than that.   How the “Baristas” got this far is—

Noob.  “Cafetalero” is “coffee grower”.

Be still, The Management!  Just because you’re right doesn’t mean you don’t need to stow it.

How Tapachula got this far is beyond me.  On paper, Pachuca should manhandle them and their grown coffee.

Manhandle their grown coffee?   That doesn’t even make sense.  But you know what?  Carry on.

Oh, I will.  But not today muahahahahaha.   (8:00 PM EST, ESPN Deportes)

Image result for fighting with the management funny

This is why Noob does not listen to you, The Management.   

Well, not exactly why not.

RESULT:   Pachuca   3-0      Jose Leonardo Ulloa with all three goals

 

’10 to Track’ Relegation Monday soccer matches – embrace the suckitude!

Start your work week by coddling, embracing the darkness of Monday.

Here are eight Matches of Suckitude, each featuring at least one club on the verge of getting booted out of their current league for poorest of performance.

But first, two matches of happier import —

  1. Braga vs. Sporting CP – Portugal Primeira Liga

Last year, this league was a four-team race.  These two came in 4th and 3rd.   It’s too early in the new season to draw hard conclusions, but they’re in the same positions now (well, reversed).

Watch this season to see if Sporting can get their offense up or Braga can shore up their D a touch.  Otherwise, they’ll likely stay where they were and are.   (3:15 PM EST, GOL TV)

RESULT:   Braga   1-0

B.  Verdes vs. Police United – Belize Premier

It’s time to get CONCACAFfeinated!    Noob does not care that that term may not necessarily be of his own invention (no idea) or that it may never catch on.   I’m increasing my focus on our federation, world region, and that’s that.   We’re going to know our neighbors.

The season is just a few matches in here, but it may not be too early to say that Verdes are one of only two clubs looking like they can win the title.  They’re #1 currently.  Police are part of a three-way tie for 3rd. But particularly on the road Noob would call a win by the visitors today a severe upset.

RESULT:   Verdes   3-0

Image result for letter B belize

Number B is for “Baboon Sanctuary” as well as “Belize”.

And now, the Matches of Suckitude!

  1. Krylya Sovetov Samara vs. Krasnodar – Russia Premier

Hey, they’re the 6th-ranked league in UEFA.  Russian gets prime slotting in the Track.  Get used it.  They’ll be 6th when the 2019 rankings start getting used, too.

So let’s learn some Russian!  Class, “Krylya Sovetov” means “crappy Soviet footsball”.  Repeat!

OK, that was a fib, a falsehood.  Noob confesses it before The Management has to interrupt, chastise me.  I think it means “wings”.  Given that one of their nicknames is “the feathers”, Noob feels confidence.

But they are crappy.  They just got Promoted, and they’re so far down the table it looks like at best they’ll have to play in a Relegation Playoff at season’s end to try and stay up.  They’ve scored all of two times in seven matches – league worst.  And if that’s because they’re trying to pack it in on defense – it ain’t workin’.

#4 Krasnodar will beat them by 1-2 goals in their own house today.

RESULT:   Krasnodar   0-3

  1. Vasco da Gama vs. Bahia – Brazil Serie A

We saw a lot of Bahia on Relegation Mondays last year.  They’re near the bottom now, too, but above the Cutline.

Vasco da Gama are the reason this matchup makes the Track.  They’re in third-to-last place, and four get Relegated when all’s said and done.  They just got off a four-match losing streak with a draw last time out.  But their offense – average for the league on the season – has very much disappeared of late.

Noob thinks VdG can hold down the fort against their visitors today, who are only two spots higher in the table.

RESULT:   VdG   2-1

Image result for vasco de gama fc funny

 

 

 

Quit stealing Noob’s schtick, historical Vasco de Gama!

  1. Guabira vs. Universitario – Bolivia Primera

Only one team will be automatically Booted out of this league, and that’s Universitario.  They finished last in the Apertura (first half-season), and sit firmly at the bottom now in the Clausura.  Noob thinks they must be allergic to the goal netting.  Sure don’t seem to like to defend their own.

If this were at the U., Noob might consider the match an even one.  Guabira are average statistically and don’t seem to win tight matches.  As things are, they’re a goal favorite for me on their own pitch.

You Make the Sad Panda Sad-Fact:   U. haven’t won either half-season tournament since 2014.

RESULT:   Guabira   2-0

  1. Tecnico Universitario vs. Universidad Catolica – Ecuador Serie A

They’re halfway through the Clausura in Ecuador.  Friends, Tecnico isn’t at the bottom of the year’s aggregate table, but two get kicked out soon and T.U. will absolutely be gone.

Strangely, a miracle run could conceivably and surprisingly begin today.  After a 3rd-place Apertura finish for this traditional power, they’re near the very bottom now in the Clausura.  Their defense was never A+, and now they’re goal-scoring as absolutely bottomed out.

RESULT:   Catolica   4-5    not a typo

Image result for tecnico universitario funny

 

I think this translates to “PBR me ASAP”.

 

(Related to Ecuadorian football?  Almost certainly not.   Noob’s give-a-crap factor? Zippo!)

  1. Odense vs. Horsens – Denmark Superliga

The league will eventually split into Championship and Relegation subdivisions.  Were that to happen today (very prematurely), Horsens would be in the bottom one.  They’re in 8th of 14.  But they won’t climb higher if they don’t improve on their league-worst offense.

Well, tied for league worst.  With second-to-last place Odense, among others.

Fun Fact:   Odense’s original home was a town that translates to “Monks bog”.

RESULT:   Odense   4-0       It’s a minor Monday miracle!

  1. Lillestrom vs. Tromso – Norway Eliteserien

You know what’s about to get Relegated?  My Windows touch keyboard feature.  I can make eight different o’s with just two clicks.  But unless the O with a slash through it is actually closer to some other later (seems doubtful), Noob cannot with ease make that one.

So just so Noobites no, Lillestrom’s would have the slash, and so would the last letter of Tromso.  Glad we could clear that up.

Oh yeah, um, and Lillestrom stinks.  Second-to-last.  Second division-bound.  Tromso is average.  Like my Windows touch keyboard on a good day.

RESULT:   Lillestrom   1-0

Image result for blame bill gates funny

 

 

Yes, young Bill Gates.  Not providing an easy Scandinavian O was criminal.

  1. Bali United Pusam vs. PS TIRA – Indonesia Liga 1

We Tracked a top Indonesian matchup yesterday and it had a late, dramatic finish.  So let’s go to the well again, but on the other end of the table.

PS TIRA are the only team in this league giving up more than to goals per match.  That’s heinous.  Their offensive capability gives them a modicum of hope.  They’re just a couple points from daylight, though they must leapfrog two teams to stay in Liga I.

B.U.P. are in a four-way tie for 3rd.  With their win yesterday, Bandung opened up their lead on the pack, but not by so much that the hosts will fall asleep today.  Especially in goal, their strength.

Fun Fact:  PS TIRA’s history goes back to the merger of a military club and one other.  Hence, they are “The Young Warriors”.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Wadi Degla vs. ENPPI – Egypt Premier

We finish our matches of melancholy, our soccer of suckitude, our football of…I don’t know.  The hour is late for Noob!—in the home of last place Wadi Degla.

In fairness, they’ve played 1-2 fewer matches than their peers.   And since it’s pretty early in the season, it’s fair to assume that they might only be just as bad as the three teams tied in the table right above them.

But no excuses!  Last is last, and you will feel the Tracking of the Monday for it.  Whatever that means.  Just score once in a while.  It’ll help.  You’ve eschewed the idea to date, and the strategy has been subpar.

ENPPI need to shore up their own D some, but play more than enough offense to call their 15th-place table position temporary.  They won’t compete for the league title, but they’ll climb plenty.   Probably starting today.

RESULT:   ENPPI   1-2

Image result for Wadi Degla

 

 

 

So long from the Wadi Degla canyon area, 12 k long, SE of the Cairo suburb of Maadi!

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Sunday (9/23) – MLS double-dip leads the way

Ten mini-previews to get your soccer weekend properly perspectived.

One word Noob just made up there.

  1. Philadelphia Union vs. Sporting Kansas City – Major League Soccer

The Union are in 5th in the Eastern Conference, seem to have all but secured a top-six finish and qualified themselves for the Playoffs.  Noob’s not quite sure which is more surprising.  Losing by four at home to Montreal two matches ago or bouncing back to end Seattle’s nine-match won streak in Seattle.

KC, meanwhile, have finally reclaimed #1 in the West from Dallas.  They’ve won all of their last seven matches, save for a road loss to then-red hot Seattle.  Adding to the impressiveness, the only goals they gave up over that stretch are three to Seattle and one to lowly San Jose (who they beat by four).

If Sporting’s Tim Melia stays hot, Philly’s going down at home again.  7th-place D.C. United fans will be Tracking this.

RESULT:   Philly   2-0     They only held possession about 1/3 of the game, but Joshua Simpson’s two goals were the difference.  Philly remains in 5th, but now leads Montreal by six from that position.  KC drop to #B in the West.

B.  LA Galaxy vs. Seattle Sounders – Major League Soccer

So with their streak over, Seattle sits in 6th place out West.  The good news for them is they still have more than a one-game cushion (four points) with #7 Vancouver.  Now we get to see how Sounders bounce back.

The Galaxy have been getting bounced right out of the playoff picture.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic coming to La-La Land had them flying high for a while.  But they haven’t won now since late July.  The goalkeeping has been amateurish.  Worse, now that Zlatan has just scored his 500th career goal, will he give 100% for a team not going anywhere?  He just said in an interview he doesn’t know if he’s even returning to the team next year.

RESULT:   Galaxy   3-0       Zlatan opened the scoring on a penalty early, then Romain Alessandrini earned assists on two more goals.

Image result for bouncing B gif

 

 

Number B – bouncing out worn out old Number Two.

  1. Tigres UANL vs. Monterrey – Liga MX

Halfway through the Apertura (first half-season), it appears these two have slipped a little since the end of the 2017-18 season.  They finished 5th and 3rd in the Clausura (second half-season) then, firmly in Playoff positions (top eight).

Monterrey are in 6th, struggling equally on both sides of the ball.  They’ve lost two in a row and haven’t won a game since beating Lobos BUAP, which are as bad as that acronym sounds.

Tigres actually haven’t lost in six straight.  Since they’re only tied for the last playoff spot, that’s a testament to how awful they were the first quarter of the season.  They appear to have sacrificed some defense to open up their scoring.  Noob’s curious to see if they can keep that up and not lose more again.  My guess is no.  They’ll be back to losing shortly.

RESULT:   One fan in serious condition after a severe beating.  Fans clashed several miles from the stadium, “people dressed as” (to keep up with the legal-speak) Monterrey fans chasing and pounding on Tigres fans.

Oh, and the game ended 0-0.

  1. Arsenal vs. Everton – English Premier League

Only two PL matches.  And since Chelsea is on fire and West Ham suck out loud, this is our target.

Arsenal finished 6th last season, garnering a Europa League invite.  It may take finishing 5th to get there this year.  Everton ended up in 8th, just missing out on EL.

Now, they’re 9th and 12th, respectively, though todays match catches them both up on number player with the teams around them in the table.  Arsenal have won four straight, while Everton is trending the other way.  Neither appears to have the O or D to dream of a top-four birth and CL.  Momentum + home pitch = Arsenal will win.

RESULT:   Arsenal   2-0

Image result for soccer equation

 

 

 

More interesting soccer equation, from NASA.gov, oddly.

 

  1. Villareal vs. Valencia – La Liga

Last year’s 5th and 4th-place teams aren’t remotely living up to expectations this year.  Between them, they’ve won one match.

Since the season is so young, Noob’s Tracking this out of interest to see if either can find the damn gas pedal and go.  Both have been taking the air out of the ball, losing desperately low-scoring games.

RESULT:   0-0     And now they’ve played the lowest-scoring of games.

  1. PSV Eindhoven vs. Ajax – Netherlands Eredivsie

Last season’s top two finishers are in the same positions now, 1 and B.  PSV has won all five of their matches this season, while one team has managed a draw against Ajax.  Their GD’s are ridiculous 21:3 and 14-1.

No Stateside TV for this one, but would be most worthy of using your Google-machine powers to find on the interwebs somehow.  Also, the league as a whole is back on the rise.  it will rank #11 in UEFA, up from 14th, when 2019 comes.

RESULT:   PSV   3-0

Image result for Google machine funny

 

 

 

Please, use your Google-machine powers for Good, not Evil.

  1. Partizan Beograd vs. Red Star Belgrade – Serbia Super Liga

To clarify, Noobites will often find RSB listed as FK Crvena Zvezda.  I frequently hear radio hosts talk about which way to write and say it.  I get the impression they don’t know how to say it this other way.  I surely don’t.

This is another league in the rise, will move up six spots in Europe next year to be #19.  These two teams are the reason, longtime traditional powers here.  They finished 1-B last year, hold almost the same positions now (1, 3).

As opposed to the Dutch match above them, this one will be a contrast of styles.  Partizan are packing it in on defense, but scoring only half as much as other teams at the table’s top.  Red Star are demolishing everyone, outscoring opponents 22-3 so far.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Montpellier vs. Paris Saint-Germain – Division 1 Feminine

These were two of only three teams last year to finish better than .500.  The other is Lyon, the billion-year defending European champs.

Like most non-Laplandic leagues in Europe, the season here is just beginning anew.  PSG is where they were.  Montpelier have only won one of three, however.

RESULT:   PSG   0-3

Image result for Montpellier funny

 

 

 

The White Tree Tower in Monpellier looks wicked-cool.

  1. AIK vs. Hammarby – Sweden Allsvenskanliga

Speaking of Arctic-y football, Sweden’s league is one of those summer ones about 2/3 of the way done.

AIK lost it’s first match of the season, to #B Norrkoping.  They’re still in 1st, but now get the #3 club.  Hammarby are fading, just had a loss and a tie to a couple of weaker clubs back to back.  This match will go as such:  If Hammarby can score, they’ll win.  Almost no one accomplishes this, ever.

Not to be forgotten in the league title race are defending champs Malmo, too.  They’re in 4th.

RESULT:   AIK   1-0

Honorable Mention:  Aforementioned FC Dallas visits #7 Vancouver – MLS West; #1 Platense vs. #3 CD Olimpia – Honduras National League; #1 Young Boys of Bern vs. #3 FC Basel – Switzerland Super League; #3 Nacional vs. #B Cerro Porteño – Paraguay Professional Division; last Stage’s #1 Sporting Cristal vs. #4 Deportivo Municipal – Peru Primera

Olimpia Llubljana vs. Aluminij – Slovenia Prva Liga; Qarabag vs. Qabala – last year’s #1 and #B – Azerbaijan Premier, PAOK vs. AEK Athens – Superleague Greece; last year’s #B and #1, Las Palmas vs. Malaga – Spain Segunda Division

  1. Persib Bandung vs. Persija Jakarta – Indonesia Liga 1

Is this more important from the American perspective than the FC Dallas match today that didn’t make the Track?   Not by most any reasonable standard.  Noob is a cheater.  A scalawag, a ne’er-do-well.  I admit it.  When I see #1-#B matchups, I’m drawn to them like flies to honey.   If I have to go to a below average league in Asia to get my fix, I accept that happily.

And though Noob and Noobites we may be, we’ll end up knowing more basics about leagues the world over than our more footyball-tenured counterparts mayhaps.

And so, know that this league race is going to be absolutely crazytown, unless #1 Bandung wins today and takes a seven-point lead on the next teams up.  I say teams because Jakarta is part of a four-way tie for #B.  Two more clubs trail those by only a point, too.   And this season isn’t knew, is about 2/3 complete.

RESULT:   Bandung   3-2       Bojan Malisic with the game-winner at 90′ to open up Bandung’s lead in the table to six.

Image result for Bandung funny

 

So long from Bandung, West Java!

The traffic on the Citylink here is nutso.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Saturday (9/22) – NWSL championship leads the way!

So what IS Noob?  I am Noob.  This site is Noob.   Most importantly, Noob is of two main facets:

Bringing Noobites the ten most important matches to follow, from the perspective the (well, a) newish American fan of the global game.

Noob also fancies himself to be the Sunday comics section to the rest of the more mainstream, serious soccer sites out there.  Even if it’s closer to just old Farside than any other strips.

Now, feast on a kick-ass slate of matches today!

  1. Portland Thorns vs. North Carolina Courage – National Women’s Soccer League

American women’s soccer fans, the Final you deserve is here.   Regular season #B hosts #1!   Some places might have NC listed first as the top seed, but they’re playing it in Portland because of Florence.

Portland’s Lindsey Horen was just announced as league’s Player of the Year, having finished 3rd in scoring.  NC’s Lynn Williams was runner-up in that category.  Both also sport top-notch attacking passers.

Noob thinks the difference-maker for Portland will have to be secondary scorer Christine Sinclair.  Two goals with one being by her and the Thorns will hoist the trophy.   Otherwise, the one-loss superpower Courage win.   (4:30 PM EST, Lifetime)

RESULT:   Courage   0-3       Hail to the victors!    Jessica McDonald with a pair of scores.

B.  Atlanta United vs. Real Salt Lake – Major League Soccer

League-leaders in putting points on the board, Atlanta look to extend their four-point lead in the Eastern Conference.  Meanwhile, RSL lead the Noob in riling me UP.

Original owner Dave Ricketts decided when the club was formed to tie into a club that doesn’t suck (Real Madrid).  Never mind that Madrid get to be royal because of a king’s patronage.  Rickett’s is a JetBlue board member, which is anything but monarchal in the corporate world.

Oh yeah, and they’re 5th in the West.  It’s a good matchup.  But RSL needs to lose for Noob’s belief in an omni-benevolent god in the universe to be confirmed.   (7:00 PM, ESPN+)

RESULT:   ATL   2-0

Image result for Letter B holy

 

 

 

Number B – straightening Noob out on the whole omni-benevolent God-matter.

  1. Montreal Impact vs. NYCFC – Major League Soccer

Noob’s been writing of late that Montreal have been recently and surprisingly frisky.   Turns out, they made their big move in June and early July.   We live, we learn, Noobites.  They’re in 6th, and top eight will make the Playoffs.

NYCFC are somehow still in 3rd, despite not having won a match in five weeks.  They’re in no danger of dropping out of the playoffs this late in the regular season.  But it’s looking like they need some kind of shock to the system to get them moving back up toward a top-two seed.   That wold mean multiple postseason home matches.  (7:30 PM, ESPN+)

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Manchester United vs. Wolverhampton Wanderers – English Premier League

No two teams from the table’s top are battling today in the PL, but we do get a match with two teams in strange positions.

Man Utd. have won three in a row, though that only pulls them up into 8th place.  And those victories were over two bad league teams and an overmatched Swiss side in the Champions League.

Wolverhampton have also had three wins a row, also over weaker competition (two poor PL sides and a second-division team in the EFL Cup).  They didn’t allow a goal to any of them, either.

All considered, it’s about impossible to not consider the evergreen powerhouse that is Man U the favorites.  Wolverhampton have seen some early success after having been Promoted, but they have to score more than a single goal per match to keep it up.

RESULT:   1-1     Or maybe one per game can keep you afloat!   On a side note, Man Utd’s goal was scored by “Fred”.   Yup.  Just Fred.

Image result for wolverhampton wanderers funny

 

 

Feel about it how you will, Wolvers, Noob calls it as seen.

  1. Toluca vs. Necaxa – Liga MX

Another league dear to our hearts that isn’t featuring a 1-B matchup or anything close.  But we have what I have called a “Hiccup Watch”.

Toluca is 5th here in the Apertura (first half-season).  Top eight make the Playoffs.  By table position, Necaxa should be toast on the road.

Thing is, they haven’t lost to Toluca in many consecutive matches.  Noob’s not convinced Toluca an avoid having a Hiccup tonight.  Momentum, inertia – powerful forces.  (6:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   Toluca   3-2

  1. Schalke 04 vs. Bayern Munich – Germany Bundesliga

Last year’s #B and #1 face off!  The exclamation point could be overkill in a way, though.

Schalke have lost all three of its matches to start the new league year.  More, none of those opponents were teams that finished anywhere near the top in 2017-18.  Noob’s not ready to call their 1-1 Champions League home draw against Portugal’s FC Porto a sign that everything is turned around now.

Bayern are 3-0-0, doing Bayern-y things to all.  (12:30 PM, FS2)

RESULT:   Bayern   0-2

Image result for Bayern Munich things

 

Ummmm…

Isn’t anything we do Bayern-y by definition? 

Can we do otherwise?

  1. Al Ahly vs. Horoya AC – CAF Champions League

Not long ago, Noob Tracked the first match of this two-legged Quarterfinal.   Africa’s greatest team went to Guinean Horoya and only got a 0-0 draw.  By ELO ratings, this is a team the Egyptians should utterly wreck, no matter whose pitch their playing on.

Still, now they get to take care of business at home.  Perhaps they won’t assume Horoya will just lay down for them this leg.

RESULT:   Al -Ahly    4-0    

  1. Pittsburgh Riverhounds vs. Indy Eleven – United Soccer League

Noob tends to shy away a little from second division leagues on weekends, even Amuricuh’s.   Just sooo much D1 football here and the world over.

But “an opening” was created when one of the teams in a Nadeshiko 1 match I’d pre-listed dropped too far in the standings to meet Noob’s exacting criteria.  Match 8 was going to be three-time defending champion NTV Beleza hosting Noob-fave Urawa Red Diamond Ladies.  Alas, Urawa has slipped to midtable.

RESULT:   Pitt   3-2

Image result for The Situation abs

 

I got the word, Noob!

Urawa’s #1 U.S. supporter and unofficial spokesman mascot is back once again.

<—  Where the sushi goes.

 

 

Sorry, The Situation.  I know you were excited.  Don’t worry, you’ll still get your appearance fee.

Image result for The Situation angry

 

 

I’d better!   I’m still waiting for them all from last season.

 

Check, er, checks are in the mail, The Situation.

Aaaaanyway, Pitt and Indy are 3rd and 5th-place in the USL Eastern Conference.  Top eight make the Playoffs.  Top four get home-pitch advantage to start out.

Riverhounds are the class of the entire league, defensively.  Thankfully, not just by taking the air out of the ball, they score more than a little.  Indy are more balanced, but seem like they’ve peaked in what they can achieve.  Their D is just mediocre.

  1. Coleraine vs. Linfield – Northern Ireland Football League Premier

It’s merely semi-pro ball, one of Europe’s lower-ranked leagues.  But Western Europe is always on Noob’s radar.  These are two perennial powers, #1 and #3 in the early season-table.  They’re also the only two who haven’t yet lost.

RESULT:   0-0     That’s one boring way to make sure you each stay undefeated.

# Honorable Mention:    At odds with Noob’s desire to keep things mostly D1 on weekends is my utter inability to stay away from shiny 1-B matchups.  So before we wrap up, Noob sends the hippest of shouts out (shout outs?) to Ross County and Inverness of Scotland’s second-tier Championship League, #B and #1 there.  Go fight win!

  1. Hiroshima vs. FC Tokyo – Japan J1 League

Hiroshima looked ready to run away with the league title not too far back.   And while they haven’t played poorly the last month, they’ve scuffled just enough to give hope to more traditionally great Kawasaki.  They’re better on both sides of the ball than #3 FCT.

But a loss – hardly unthinkable – and that Kawasaki group could pull to within a point of the league lead.

RESULT:   1-1

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So long from Hiroshima!   

Try to visit when you can catch the Flower Festival.