’10 to Track’ Weekend Edition soccer matches – FIFA World, US Open, Isle of Sodor Cups lead the way

Noob couldn’t be prouder to help introduce newish American fans of the global game to the cups and leagues of the world.  Digestably, sillily, and occasionally with efficiency.

Our week Tracking of the 10 best of the weekend (limit-1 World Cup match per day, since Noobites can find in-depth previews anywhere) begins with six today.

Tomorrow, Noob will preview the final four biggies of the weekend.  This will include our exclusive coverage of the Isle of Sodor Cup.

Saturday

  1. France vs. Australia – FIFA World Cup

France are ranked 7th in the world and are a favorite to win the whole thing.  The “Socceroos” had to win two extra qualification matches just to claim one of the last berths here.  They’re 36th worldwide, just not as strong as in more recent World Cup cycles.

To get you through the water cooler-level chat, the name to watch for Feance is Mbappe.  He’s far from their only star, but he may have gotten injured in a recent friendly match.  Will he be in form?  To really impress, know the Aussie name Mile Jedanik.  He got Australia past Honduras and to Russia.  But rumor is he may not even start today.

RESULT:   France   2-1     Mbappe played 90′ and passed well, but was not otherwise involved offensively really.  Jedanik got the goal(on penalty) for Australia.

Image result for water cooler funny

B.  Sporting Kansas City vs. FC Dallas – US Open Cup

The MLS Western Conference’s co-#1’s face off in a match that it’s a shame won’t happen even deeper in the FA Cup tournament.  The winner today have to be thought a – if not the – favorite to win the trophy.  Neither side have lost since April.  Dallas more specifically are on a five-match win streak.

RESULT:   3-2      KC with the winner at 89′

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Number B, displaying the colors proudly.

  1. Chicago Red Stars vs. Portland Thorns – NWSL

These two are 5th and 4th place, respectively, as league-average as they can be.  But this is a crucial match since only the top four make it to the postseason.  Chicago have been earning some draws, but haven’t won a match since mid-April.  Portland had been playing better, but got destroyed at home by the #1 North Carolina Courage in their last outing.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Pittsburgh Riverhounds vs. New York Red Bulls II – USL

With World Cup going on, this is a time for second-division USL to a little attention.  This is another 4th versus 5th-place matchup.

Pittsburgh have really surprised this season.  they’ve figured out with their squad that their best hope always lies in defending, keeping the overall scores very low.  They’re Louisville-light.  NYRB II go the opposite route.  Can the ‘Hounds control the pace on their own pitch today?

RESULT:   Pittssburgh   3-0

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  1. Valladoid vs. Numancia – Spain Segunda Division

Scroll back a few days for the high drama that was Noob’s second heartbreaking, uncomfortable scene seeing Valladoid again.  Could there ever be a When Harry Met Sally-ending for Noob and Valladoid?

This match is the second leg of their Promotion Playoff final.  Numancia got rocked in the first match of this two-legged tie, at their own place, 0-3.  They’re going to need a miracle to move up to La Liga now.

RESULT:   1-1     Congrats to Valladoid, Promoted!  4-1 agg.

  1. Frosinone vs. Palermo – Italy Serie B

Palermo held serve in the first leg of this league’s Promotion Playoff final, winning 2-1.  But that goal they allowed to Frosinone could prove costly.  Frosinone would win even just 1-0 today at their stadium, move to Serie A on away-goal tiebreaker.

RESULT:   Frosinone   2-0     That’s enough to get Frosinone Promoted, 3-2 agg.  Way to go!

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Which clubs will be the Jeffersons of their leagues today?

 

Sunday

  1. Germany vs. Mexico – FIFA World Cup

For the least-seasoned of Noobites, reminder:   This is the Group Stage, in which the 32 teams are divided into pods of four.  Each within the pod plays the others just one match each.  Top two finishers advance to the bracketed Knockout Stage.

Welcome to Group F, current home of world top-tanked Germany.  #15 Mexico is most likely to be the 2nd-place finisher, though Sweden is a popular dark horse to get through.

Germany are the defending champs, and no team has gone back-to-back-since Brazil in 1962.  They surprisingly struggled in their warm-up friendlies lead into WC.  Mexico have as well; their offense has absolutely dried up (one goal in last four matches).

If injured defender Boateng is fit for Germany, their back line should be able to hold against Javier Hernandez and “El Tri”.  Mesut Ozil is the offensive player to look for with the Germans.

And there’s your water cooler-chat level preview.  Be free!  Roam the interwebs for truly in-depth coverage.  Noob will.  We learn.

RESULT:   Mexico   0-1      Boateng played for Germany.  Mexico still gets the only goal and the surprise win!   Javier Hernandez had the assist.  Mexico played much, much faster than the Germans.

  1. Costa Rica vs. Serbia – FIFA World Cup

Noob wrote previously that we’d typically stick with one WC match a day, mini-preview the biggest, most relevant one for the newish American fan.  But we’re always going to highlight fellow CONCACAF teams.

The Serbs are back after having missed the 2014 event.  They are ranked 34th in the world.  Like Spain, they surprisingly fired their manager after qualification.

Costa Rica is Noob’s surrogate team to cheer for most.  They’re in our association and ranked right about where the U.S. is (#23).  They have struggled in all friendlies against top competition this last year.  To have a chance ate advancing, they’ve got to get three points here.  Bryan Ruiz will need to have a day, so look for him on offense.

RESULT:   Serbia   0-1     Ruiz had a blocked shot on goal for CR.  He passed well enough, yet was ultimately outplayed.

Image result for bryan ruiz costa rica funny

 

Bryan Ruiz practices his weak kung fu before a friendly.  

Focus, Bryan!

  1. Portland Timbers II vs. Colorado Springs Switchbacks – USL

PT2 are in 4th in the West, but are coming off a 1-2 loss to awful OKC.  Colorado Springs are 9th, one spot out of a playoff berth.  They’re last match loss to KC is easily understandable.  The 4-1 drubbing they took at expansion Las Vegas is less so for the usually defensively-stalwart Switchbacks.

  1. Peel Godred vs. Callan – Isle of Sodor Cup

Welcome back to Noob exclusive coverage of Isle of Sodor FA Cup!  At least it seems to be exclusive.  I’m not finding any elsewhere.  Leave a Comment on the site if you happen to find any, Noobites.

Peel Godred will be a Premier League side when their formal FA forms their planned three divisions.  They finished 6th this last season in the informal league.  Also often just called “Peel”, this is the population base in the north central part of the country.

Callan were also a midtable team in what will be the Second Division.  They’re a smaller town near the West Coast.  They’re limited in their player pool as fellow D-II’ers Arlesburgh are right next door.

Check out the coming Isle of Sodor Cup page link on the right-hand side of this site’s main page soon!  Full group stage tables will be forthcoming, then hopefully some game recaps a/o stats.

RESULT:   Peel Godred   1-0

So long from Peel Godred! – waiting for pre-Cup parade to start!

 

Image result for Sulby Isle of Man

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Globetrotting Friday (6/15) – give Noobites more World Cup, Isle of Sodor footyball!

TGIGF!  “The ten most important matches for us – the newish American fans of the global game – to follow.”  Noob hopes the advent if the World Cup has brought many new patrons so that you can learn some fun stuff about the game, its leagues and such.

There are three World Cup matches today, and it goes without saying that all are “more important” than anything else going on in the football-world.  Noob plans on just previewing one each day early on, with priority given to CONCACAF, top-ranked Euro, South American, and other world teams, in that order.

Noob will continue to spend much of this space on top matches from other domestic leagues and cup tournaments, if for no other reason than to be different from the myriad of other soccer coverage out there.

  1. Portugal vs Spain – FIFA World Cup

#4 versus #10 FIFA-ranked teams in the world face off here.  These two are expected to advance as the top finishers in this Group, and easily.  The question will be who actually wins the Group, which will matter for Knockout Round seeding.

Ronaldo for Portugal and Silva for Spain are the two biggest stars playing today in a match bursting with them.  Also, and strangely – Spain fired their undefeated head coach two days ago.  What the fruit?

There.  Just enough to get you through water cooler-level chat.  Noob knows more in-depth coverage is out there.  I’ll be checking it out and learning myself!

RESULT:   3-3        A match for the ages!   Ronaldo with all three goals for Spain and Diego Costa with a pair for Portugal.

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B.  Castle Rolf vs. Suddery – Isle of Sodor Premier Cup

Three matches today in the IOS Cup.  This is the best one, as two Group E teams from the Premier League clash.  Castle Rolf finished 5th in the last PL table.  Suddery has an uncharacteristically poor year, sliding to 9th.

Castle Rolf have the closest thing to a good defense on Sodor.  They gave up just 1.1 goals per match  last season.  Suddery seemed to be victims of bad luck, leading the league in shots that hit woodwork by a wide margin (39!)

RESULT:   4-4

Image result for Rowlf muppets

 

Wrong.  Rolf.

At least Noob assumes so.  Sodor is an odd place…

3.  Cobresal vs. CD Everton – Copa Chile

It’s the Second Round in Chile’s FA Cup and 32 teams remain.  This match should be a doozie.  Cobresal are the top performer this year in the country’s second division.  C.D. Everton are in dead last in the Primera Division.

The first match of this two-legged tie at C.D.E. ended in a scoreless draw.  Noob still thinks Cobresal will be over-performing if they keep this one a draw again and force penalty kicks.  They’re in different leagues for a reason, plain and simple.

Fun Fact:  El Salvador, Actama, Chile is more mining camp than anything else, where Cobresal are from.

RESULT:   Cobresal   1-1  /  4-5 pk

  1. Ventsplis vs. Spartaks – Latvian Higher League

Welcome to the 41st-ranked league (of 54) in Europe.  Impressive?  Perhaps not.  But as Noob is taking to saying this time of year – hey, they’re playing!

These two are #B and #3 in this eight-team league.  They’re pretty even statistically.  RFS is the class and goal-scoring machine of this league.

RESULT:   Spartaks   1-2

FK Ventspils.png

 

 

Ventsplis’ crest is solid enough, yet would look even better as a key chain.

  1. Plavinas DM vs. Auda – Latvia Cup

Let’s double dip in Lativia!  Second Round action, 32 teams remain.  Unlike in Chile, this tournament is Knockout – one match and done.

Noob doesn’t have a lot to add for this one; just know that it’s happening.  Plavinas DM are a third-tier team, but I have no idea of what quality.  Auda are a second-division side, 8th place.

Fun Fact:  On Mythbusters, the idea that double-dipping a chip into dip spread as much bacteria as just sticking one’s whole mouth in the dip was debunked.

RESULT:   Auda   1-9    not a typo

  1. Brittons Hill vs. Weymouth Wales – Barbados Premier

This league is divided into what they label “zones”, as opposed to divisions.  These two are 1st and 3rd in one of them.

Each zone this year has one team absolutely laying waste to the rest.  Weymouth Wales is one of those.  They’ve outscored teams this year by a ridiculous 36-5 margin.  They’ll be playing Barbados Defence Force from the other zone for the league title eventually.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for 2018 Brittons Hill FC

 

 

The best players in Barbados can shoot Spidey-webs..

  1. APR vs. Rayon Sports – Rwanda National League

Rwandan top-flight teams have done just enough to move into the CAF rankings for next year, moving into a tie for 26th.  Hey, they’re playing!

APR are #B and part of a two-team race for this league’s title and CAF Champions League berth.  Rayon Sports are just a spot back, but seven points behind them and the season is over two dozen matches in.  Apr are better on both sides of the ball, if not by leaps and bounds.  This is a key home match to not blow if they want to keep pace with AS Kigali.

Fun Fact:  APR stands for Armée Patriotique Rwandaise (FC)

RESULT:   APR   2-1

  1. Sporting de Cabinda vs. Kabuscorp – Angola Girabola

Angola’s top league climbed to #13 in this year’s continental rankings – just one spot shy of earning themselves a second CAF Champions League berth.

Kabuscorp are in a three-way tie for 1st place.  Noob read somewhere that this club had been penalized table points for financial naughtinesses, but such is not reflected in the table out there Noob most trusts.

Kabuscorp is the offensive terror of the league.  This is a bad matchup for mid-table SdC, as they have trouble scoring.

RESULT:     now slated for tomorrow

Cabinda (red), exclave of Angola

 

 

 

That shaded area is the exclave province of Cabinda, separated from the country by DR Congo territory.

  1. Cheng Fung vs. Alfandega – Macao Premier

This is the 33rd-ranked league in Asia, of 46 associations.  The real battle in this one will be between #B and 3rd place.  Cheng Fung is in 4th.  Today is a day they can start to make a move on placing, Alfandega are last place with just one win and no draws in 15 matches.

Noob handicaps this match at +5 goals.  Alfandega have only scored 5 all year while allowing a staggering 79.

Fun Fact:  That’s a really, really bad goal differential.

RESULT:   Cheng Fung   1-0     Everybody have fun tonight.  Everybody Cheng Fung.

  1. Guarani vs. Sao Bento – Brazil Serie B

10th versus 6th doesn’t sound like much, but the top four get promoted to Serie A at season’s end.  Sao Bento haven’t shown yet that they have offense to compete with the top contenders here.  These need to pick up evenly-matched road games like these to hope to make the climb.

Fun Fact:  Sao Bento’s club was founded by horse tack manufacture employees.

RESULT:   0-0

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So long from Cateye-witness News newscat and me.  Sorocaba, Sao Bento, Brazil.  Signing off.

’10 to Track’ – The Greatest Edition Ever -World Cup plus EXCLUSIVE coverage for a European league and Cup

Noob is truly doing the Lord’s work.  It had to be said.   The “ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game” – skyrockets to brave new heights starting today.

Exclusive coverage of the Isle of Sodor FA Cup begins NOW.

Yes, of course Noob will give you FIFA World Cup preview.  MLS, NWSL, UEFA leagues, scoops from around the entire globe.  But try and find IOSFA coverage elsewhere.  I’ll wait.  —    Now, ogle and delight through to #10 for the awesomeness.

Tuesday

  1. U.S.A. vs. China – women’s friendly

You’re not crazy, Noobites.  Or at least thinking these two just played isn’t the proof.  Noob’s not a doctor, nor does he play one on the interwebs.   #1 USA beat #17 China 1-0.   It’s a long way to fly, obviously, so the gals are making it worth their while with more footyball.   (7:00 PM Eastern, ESPN2)

RESULT:   USA   2-1

 

 

 

You keep on doin’ YOU, ‘Muricuh!

B.  Norway vs. Ireland – women’s World Cup qualification (UEFA)

Ireland has just two matches left to play here in the Group Stage.  They’re in 3rd in this pod, are just far enough back that they can no longer finish in first.  That’s the only way to qualify from this stage.  But the could still overtake #B Norway.  They’re just points behind, but Norway has played one less game to date.

There tends to be less parity in the women’s game than in the men’s.  They’re FIFA rankings of #’s 14 and 29 tell us a lot.

RESULT:   1-0

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Number B displays his affinity for Lapland-y-ness

  1. Pahang vs. Johor Darul Ta’zim – Indonesia Liga 1

Now you really might be thinking you’re loco en la cabeza.  And yet the jury is still out.  Yes, these two just played a few days ago, too.  JDT is still #1, Pahang still #B.  The league leaders won 1-0.

At their own house will be Pahang’s best chance to start making up the eight points in the table by which they trail.   But defense remains their bugaboo, while Johor’s leads the league.

RESULT:   JDT   1-2      High drama!    Pahang tied it late, but Johor wins with a pk in the last minutes of regular time.

Wednesday

  1. Columbus Crew vs. Atlanta United – MLS

The top three in the Eastern Conference are starting to separate themselves a wee bit from the rest of the pack.  With a decisive home win tonight, Columbus could jump right over NYCFC and 1st-place Atlanta (by tiebreaker).

The Crew have earned four consecutive draws, seeming to play up or down to the level of their competition of late.  Atlanta’s been surviving a tough stretch of schedule the last three weeks with understandably mixed results.   Noob thinks ATL can pull off the road victory if Miguel Almiron has a day.  He’s one of the best midfielders in the league.   (7:30 PM, ESPN+, Fox Sports South)

RESULT:   Atlanta   0-2      And with an assist and nearly 80% passing accuracy, Almiron was ‘Man of the Match’!

Image result for Miguel Almiron funny

 

 

 

And quite the Casanova.

  1. Swope Park Rangers vs. Real Monarchs SLC – USL

The Management here –

This preview is undone.  Noob hates anything labeled “Real”/”royal” in Muricuh.  Instead of his usual rant here, he spent this portion of writing time hurling tea bags into a local river.  He then performed an old school Nestea plunge off a dock.

He was promptly arrested for drunk and disorderly, plus littering.  But Noob’s capable of such shenanigans totally sober; they had to release him in short order (after paying a fine regarding the tea bags)

Thank you for your attention and patronage.  —  The Management

RESULT:   Swope Park   3-2

  1. Zamora vs. Mineros de Guayana – Venezuela Premier

The second leg of the Apertura (first half-season) Final!  Zamora finished #B in the regular season to Mineros’ 4th.  They also earned a draw in the first leg, 1-1.  These are two similar and very evenly-matched teams.  Have to think advantage Zamora since they can close out on their home pitch.   (7:00 PM, GOL TV)

RESULT:   Zamora   1-0   Congrats to the Apertura Champions!

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Home field advantage…

  1. Numancia vs. Valladoid – Spain Segunda Division

The first leg of the Promotion Playoff final!  The top two from Spain’s second-tier league are being automatically promoted to La Liga.  3rd-6th place clubs have been playing to determine who the third and final team to move up will be.

These two finished 6th and 5th in the regular season.  Numancia is the far more defensive-minded squad, will look to keep things slowly-paced at their own stadium before having to go to Valladoid.  Valladoid…

Last time we Tracked Valladoid – at the Copa del Rey – Noob made a pass and Valladoid didn’t even remember me from the previous round.  Security had to get involved as Noob wore his heart on his sleeve and made a champagne-fueled scene in front of everyone.  This time, Noob can play it cool.  Oh look, here Valladoid comes….

“Hi, Valladoid, nice to see you.  How —  oh, just going to walk on by like I don’t even exist?  Like the Copa del Rey thing was that big a deal.  Fine, don’t say anything to Noob!  *downs a whiskey sour, and another off a startled passer-by*    Know what?  You look like a strumpet, Valladoid!  Oh crap.  Those security are strong and unsympathetic.  Run away!”

RESULT:   Valladoid   0-3

  1. Palermo vs. Frosinone –Italy Serie B

The setup is the same in Italy as in Spain for promotion to the top flight, except that 3rd–8th play in these Playoffs.  Unlike in Spain, the 3rd and 4th place teams have advanced to this Final.  This is the first leg.  Palermo is the more defensive group, if not to the degree of Numancia.

RESULT:   Palermo   2-1

Image result for Palermo italy funny

When Palermo supporters lose it with their team, they can take part in creepy puppet theater  (Guess which one’s not the puppet.)

Thursday

9.  Russia vs. Saudi Arabia – FIFA World Cup

Let’s talk shop, Noobites.   You can get incredibly deep and well-done previews of matches and Groups countless places online.  Noob has named himself as such for a reason.  We’re learning together.  What I’ll provide are some basics to get us through “water cooler”-level Cup convos.

So let it begin!  Eight Groups of four.  Top two finishers from each advance to the Knockout Round.  The host country gets the honor of playing the first match and the only one of the day.  (In fact, some teams won’t play their first match for a week.)

Russia isn’t a very strong group this cycle, ranked just 70th by FIFA.  They’ve not won in their last seven friendlies, though the competition as for the most part been very strong.  At least this match should be gettable for them though.

Saudi Arabia is ranked barely better at #67.  They have a heap of trouble scoring.

Getting a win and the three points here is vital for both teams.  Uruguay and Egypt are the favorites to advance out of Group A.   (11:00 AM, Fox)

RESULT:   0-5

  1. Brendam United vs. Tidmouth Works – Isle of Sodor Cup

These biggest little leagues near England have been ignored far too long   They may be tiny and they may not be FIFA, but they’re PLAYING.

Noob is proud to bring you what is probably exclusive coverage of the Isle of Sodor FA Cup!

Soon, Noob will have a feature page here for the Cup and all three divisions of IOSFA league play – Premier, II and III.

Just as FIFA World Cup is just starting its Knockout Round of 32 teams, so is Sodor Cup.  The 28 teams in the top two league divisions automatically qualify for this stage.  The 16 teams of Division III had a qualifying mini-tournament to determine which got the final four berths.

The event starts with an absolute bang.  Last year’s “Sodor League” winners Brendam Utd. host a Tidmouth City team had a poor year.

Brendam Utd. combined a top-three offense with a mediocre defense to become champions.  In truth, none of the teams anywhere on Sodor work too hard on defense.  A mediocre D is darn good here.

Tidmouth City couldn’t have stopped an Isle of Man youth team from scoring early and often in all but the latest matches of the league season.  A starting backline shuffle-up and change at goalie helped shore things up though, gives them and their supporters hope here in the group stage.  They should be able to finish in the top two in Group A, advance to the Knockout.

PLENTY more coming from Sodor, so visit Noob often!

RESULT:   Tidmouth Works   0-3     Upset city in Group A!

And so, so long from the Isle of Sodor!

 

’10 to Track’ Relegation Monday soccer matches – plus World Cup schtuff

It’s Monday, embrace the suckitude!

We start with some World Cup matches, then feature our traditional Monday Relegation games.  And Noob’s had fun delving deep  into league scheds around the globe to make sure today is chock full of matchups involving teams about to get the Boot.  Let us ogle and celebrate them!

  1. Iceland vs. Slovenia – women’s World Cup qualification (UEFA)

Reminder:  Seven Group of five.  Only the top finisher in each automatically qualifies for World Cup.  The top four in the #B finishers’ table will have a playoff for one final WC berth.

FIFA #19 Iceland trail Germany by just two points for 1st place, and they’ve played one less match.  Czech Republic – six points behind Iceland – are the only other team that could still crack the top two.  #62 Slovenia is eliminated, as are Faroe Islands.  The latter have yet to score in this event and have given up 41 goals.  Mommy.

Noobstradamus is back in action, prognosticating for YOU.  Iceland 4-0 in an utter rout.   Find your bookies, Noobites!  Cash on the barrelhead.

RESULT:   Iceland   2-0

Image result for noobstradamus

 

 

When sports gambling is legal in every U.S. state, I’m winning a bazillion dollars, buying this website, and dancing around the flames I set to it.

B.  Belgium vs. Costa Rica – friendly

Belgium is the third-ranked men’s national team in the world, a quiet dark horse to make a deep run at World Cup.  They’ve kept four clean sheets in a row.  But all their friendlies going back to October have been at home.  And they have the occasional weird hiccup, like letting Bosnia & Herzegovina and Mexico score three times each.

#23 Costa Rica needs some success heading into Russia.  They’re only wins in recent are against fairly-weak Scotland and Northern Ireland.  Noob’s chosen them for his CONCACAF team for which to cheer.  I more than suspect they will be gone after the Group Stage, leaving Noob a soccer-supporting, port-less boat in a storm.  Or something.   (2:45 PM Eastern, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   Belgium   4-1

Image result for letter B storm

 

 

 

But Number B is the storm!

  1. South Korea vs Senegal – friendly

#57 South Korea managed a home draw against Bolivia in their most recent friendly.  Might be the last success they see in a while.  Senegal is headed to Russia as well, but haven’t been testing themselves against very highly-ranked competition.  They need to prove to themselves they can score against this weaker S.K. side, because they haven’t against much of anyone else.

RESULT:   Senegal   2-0     Turns out the game was in Senegal

  1. Smolevichy vs. Gorodeya – Belarus Premier

#27 of 55, a perfectly good, fine and average European league.  We need to see more of them here.

Two of the 16 teams in this league will be Relegated.  10 matches into the season, there’s a five-way tie for last.  Three of them are even tied on goal differential and these are two of them.  Gorodeya occupies last place by virtue of some other tiebreaker, Smolevichy 14th.

RESULT:   Smolevichy   2-0

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Church of Jospeh, Haradzeya (home of FC Gorodeya)

pop. not much over 4,000.

  1. Naft Matsan vs. Zakho – Iraq Premier

Iraq is considered to be just outside the top 10 of Asian leagues.  Based on clubs’ performance in international matches, they’re likely to drop some next year.

Zakho are in last with six league matches to go, all but set to be demoted to second-tier Iraqi Division 1.  Their plight is made worse by their having been docked three points in the table for a player-pay issue.  No offense sure ain’t helping.  Naft Matsan are in 11th.

Fun Fact:   Zakho is believed to have been founded on a small island surrounded on all sides by the Little Khabur River.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Kedus Giorgis vs. Woldya Kenema – Ethiopia Premier

Three teams of these 16 will get The Boot after six more matches.  Woldya are in last, yet only six points from daylight.  But it’s #3 “Saint George” they’re visiting.  Woldya doesn’t appear to have nearly the offense to climb out of trouble.

RESULT:   St. George   3-1

Image result for Biblical solomon ethiopia

 

 

Weldiya is in the Amhar region, where they claim to descend from the Biblical Solomon.

  1. Qizilqum vs. Sogdiana – Uzbekistan Super League

Uzbekistan is a top-ten Asian league and climbing.  These two likely haven’t been helping that cause, though, as they are 10th and 11th of the dozen league clubs.

Last year, five clubs were Relegated.  This year, Noob’s sources are unclear on how many will go down, but they agree that there is some sort of Relegation Round for the bottom six.  The season’s is not quite twelve games in, so they’re plenty of time for either to improve their place in the table.

Fun Fact:  Sogdiana is named for the ancient Iranian civilization of that name.

RESULT:   Qizilqum   2-0

  1. Taraz vs. Kaspiy – Kazakhstan First Division

Here’s where we start to have to dig a little deeper in the world league scheds to find Relegation sadness to celebrate.

Like Belarus, the Kazakh top league is right in the middle strength-wise in Europe.  Here, we delve into that country’s second division.

Just one team will get Relegated from this league, and so far that team looks to be Kaspiy.  They and Aktobe Jas are well behind the pack.  Kaspiy’s offense appears to be good enough to compete well enough with other lower-half league teams, but they carry the worst defense.  #B Taraz can easily handle them on their own pitch.

RESULT:   Taraz   4-0

Image result for Aktau kazakhstan block

 

Aktau (Kaspiy’s home city) doesn’t use street names, just three-number addresses.

  1. Tallinna Kalev II vs. Flora II – Estonia Esiliiga

Oh Estonia, you make Noob swoon!   Top division – Meisttrliiga.  Second division – Esiliiga.  Your double i’s shine like no diamond ever could.

Noob’s not sure about the visiting side here, but TK’s squad is an under-21 bunch.  Currently they’re in 8th place.  Whichever club finishes in that position will have to win a playoff against a third-division team for the right to stay up. Flora II is #B.

Fun Fact:   Noob is and will always be enamored with ii.  Just search the site to see my many odes to ii.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Varketili vs. Matchakhela – Georgia Liga III

Georgian third division footyball is back on the Track!   Play your sad sack teams in Mondays, you get on Noob, plain and simple.

Not sure how many teams get booted out of this league annually, but the entire bottom half (ten) will participate in a Relegation Playout event.  These two have little chance of climbing into the top half, what being in 18th and last, respectively.  Varketili can’t play D, and that D is excellent compared to Matchkhela’s O.

Image result for sulfur bath tbilisi

 

So long from Tbilisi – “warm location” named for its sulfuric hot spring baths

’10 to track’ Weekend Edition soccer matches (6/9-10) – so much ‘Muricuh!

The ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game – have red, white and blue all over them this weekend.  Both US Nationals teams are in play, and there are a hot bunch of league matches stateside.   Ogle the previews with a hand over your Noobite heart.

  1. France vs. U.S.A. – friendly

The USMNT has scheduled themselves a nice little sequence for the late spring and early summer.  Bolivia was a team they should beat, Ireland then was a team with whom they were roughly on par, and now they get a severe test with #7 FIFA-ranked France.

Bolivia they beat, Ireland was a close but competitive loss.  And all this is colored by the fact that they’re playing many younger guys since they didn’t qualify for World Cup.  Meanwhile, France will likely be playing their WC starting lineup, tuning up for the start in Russia in a few days.   (3:00 PM Eastern, ESPN)

RESULT:   1-1     Not at all bad for basically an American U23 side

Image result for way too America funny

 

 

 

Muricuh!!

 

B.  Northern Cyprus vs. Karpatalja – ConIFA World Cup

The Final!  Search keyword “ConIFA” on the front page of this site hit the last few posts that have mentioned this organization and event.  The first one will have more detail, though you can also visit ConIFA.org.

After a first Knockout round blowout of host organization Barawa (8-0), Padania gave them all they could handle before succumbing 2-3.  Late fill-in entrant Karpatalja have surprised and then some.  They beat Szekely Land 4-2 to earn their shot at the hardware.

This event as been so exciting for me to follow.  In my endeavor to learn more about the soccer world, this event has led me to learn a lot more about the world in general.  Noob and Noobite we may be, but we may end up more learned than veteran fans.

RESULT:   Karpatalja   0-0  /  3-2 pk     The Turkish nationals and emigrants almost certainly made it a home field advantage for Northern Cypress, but late fill-in entrant Karpatalja is your champion – congrats!

Image result for letter B is best

 

 

Number B gives the finalists and all ConIFA his approval!

  1. NYCFC vs. Atlanta United – MLS

#B hosts #1 in the oh-so-tough Eastern Conference.

NYCFC is coming off a harrowing loss to New York Red Bulls in the U.S. Open Cup – a 4-0 drubbing.  Atlanta, too, has been a little up and down in recent matches.  But they took care of business against USL’s Richmond in the Cup and got a solid enough win over Philly at home before that.

Oddly, both have struggled at home, at least compared to what one might expect.  Could that actually mean advantage: Atlanta?  (12:30 PM, ESPN+, Fox Sports Southwest)

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Columbus Crew vs. New York Red Bulls – MLS

As solid a season as they’re having, the big story with the Crew is still whether or not their owner is moving them to Austin.  The most recent word was surprisingly a nudge in favor of them staying on Ohio.  The owner wants a bunch of money spent by Austin and folks there aren’t looking ready to pony up.

The Crew are in 3rd, hosting #4 NYRB.  Columbus hasn’t lost since April but a lot of draws (including three straight) have kept them from the top of the table.   (5:00 PM, ESPN)

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for funny Columbus Crew fans

 

Bandito kerchief-wearing, wrong-color Iron Man says the Crew should stay in Columbus.

  1. Portland Timbers vs. Sporting Kansas City – MLS

Now we head out West to see two scalding-hot sides, #’s 5 and 1 in the table.  Neither have lost in about two months.  Both find success riding their defenses, so this may not be the most exciting match for we laypeople to watch live, but it will be an important one nonetheless.   (3:30 PM, ESPN+, ROOT Sports Northwest)

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Denmark vs. Mexico – friendly

More World Cup calisthenics!  FIFA-ranked #12 hots #15.

it’s weird to read and hear from so many pundits and personalities in media that rooting for Mexico in the World Cup as an American is a bad thing.  Noob says anything that gets us watching – whether cheering for or against Mexico – is a very good thing.

Me?  Costa Rica.  Why?  Other than they’re in CONCACAF, not sure.  Maybe it’s because they’re right next to the US world ranking.   (2:00 PM, Univision)

RESULT:   Denmark   2-0

Image result for costa rica funny

 

 

 

Thanks?

  1. Sacramento Republic vs. Phoenix Rising – USL

Tied for #B.  We need more Number B!

In the West, everyone is chasing Noob-dreaded “royal”/Real Monarchs SLC.  Phoenix looks like the far more likely candidate to make a push.  They have the top offense in the conference, and that’s really saying something when one considers Reno (record-breaking O last year).

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Atletico Nacional vs. Tolima – Colombia Premier

The Apertura (first half-season) Final, the second leg!

Atletico Nacional won the first match of this two-legged tie 0-1.  They won the Apertura regular season, had the best defense in the league, and were a mite better on offense than Tolima.  There’s not a lot of reason to think Tolima can make up a deficit on the road here.

RESULT:   Tolima   1-2      An Atletico player got a red card at the end of the game, and then Tolima scored the winning goal!   That made the aggregate 2-2, and then Tolima went on to win the title 2-4 in penalties. 

Image result for tiburon willy gif

 

Noob thinks the gal-mascot pertains to Tolima. 

Whether or no, good LAWD.

  1. Tunisia vs. Spain – friendly

#21 and Africa’s top-rated national team takes on the world #10 in a tuneup before they head to Russia

Spain may have only managed a draw against Switzerland, but those guys are a top-10 team themselves.  And it’s hard to forget how they ran absolutely roughshod over world power Argentina 6-1 the match before.

Tunisia continue to rack up non-losses. though the level of competition hasn’t been treeeemendous.

RESULT:   Spain   0-1

Sunday, 6/11

  1. Canadia vs. Germany – women’s friendly

Just a friendly, yes.  but these are the 3rd and 4th-ranked squads in the world.  Certainly a possible final or semifinal matchup preview.  The lofty number aside, neither has had much success against their peers of late, though Germany did beat the French side two attempts ago.

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for Hamilton Ontario funny

 

 

So long from Hamilt– GAH!!!

*pees self*

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Globetrotting Friday (6/8) – MLS, NWSL, then we jetset

TGIGF!

The ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game – takes it’s usual Friday turn and we span the globe.

As always, we start at home, then it’s across the planet!  Lots of World Cup calisthenics featured today.

  1. Philadelphia Union vs. Toronto FC – MLS

Philadelphia had such the horrid start last season.  But now they’re vying for a playoff slot (7th place), pushing harder on offense this year.  Their two leading scorers are midfielders – Czech and Brazilian veteran midfielders Dohal and Ilsinho – will look to outdo Jozy Altidore and the aging superstar squad from Toronto.

The reigning league champs are still near the bottom of the table his season.  (8:00 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 6)

RESULT:   Toronto   0-2

Image result for ilsinho philadelphia union

B.  Sky Blue vs. Washington Spirit – NWSL

Good thing for these two there’s no Relegation in U.S. pro leagues.  Spirit are in second-to-last.  Noob would say it’s because they have no offense, but Sky Blue take the cake in that regard.  The New Jersey girls only have six goals in nine matches.  They also have zero wins.

RESULT:   0-0

Image result for sky blue letter B

 

 

 

Number B says you can still be a star, Sky Blue.

  1. Finland vs. Austria – women’s World Cup qualification (UEFA)

Reminder:  Seven groups of five each, winners of each automatically qualify for WC.  The four #B finishers with the most points will have a playoff for one last berth.

Spain are undefeated after their first five of eight Group matches, are very unlikely to be caught.  The next three teams are tied.  These are two.  They’re ranked #28 and #21 worldwide.  Finland have the defense top the other two, but right now Austria have the head-to-head tiebreaker in their favor.

RESULT:   Austria   0-2

  1. Barito Putera vs. Sriwijaya – Indonesia Liga 1

Only eight points separate 1st and last place in the table in this league of 18 clubs.  Unbelievably tight!  And only one will qualify for the next AFC Champions League.

Here, #B hosts #3.  BP were on a nice streak until falling asleep at home in their last match, a home loss to low PS TIRA.  Sriwijaya had a hot start to their season, but are losing every other match now.

RESULT:   BP   3-1

Image result for Sriwijaya football

 

 

No need to look so surprised, guys.  You’re Track-worthy.

  1. Germany vs. Saudi Arabia – friendly

The world’s #1-ranked men’s national team hosts perhaps the weakest team to qualify for the World Cup (#67).  Interestingly, Germany has lost their last two matches, to Austria (wow) and Brazil (ok).  Watch to see if they can put it all together before heading to Russia at 1:30 on ESPN Deportes).

RESULT:   Germany   2-1

  1. Switzerland vs. Japan – friendly

Noob is surprised to find that Switzerland’s side is ranked 6th in the world.  They haven’t lost since a road match against Portugal last October.

Japan are ranked around where the Saudis are, have struggled against Ghana, Ukraine, and South Korea of late.  This does not bode well as they, too, head into the WC.

RESULT:   Switzerland   2-0

Image result for doesn't bode well Japan

 

 

Bring it, Shinzo Abe!   

Noob calls it like he sees it.

  1. Croatia vs. Senegal – friendly

#18 hosts #28 in another match pitting two teams heading to World Cup next week.  Croatia have been losing two South American World Cup teams in their more recent matches.  Senegal hasn’t been losing to anyone, but the level of competition they’ve been facing hasn’t been testing them at all.

RESULT:   Croatia   2-1

  1. Poland vs. Chile – friendly

Poland seem to be stumbling down the stretch as they head into WC.  They’re a top-10 team in the world, but lost to Nigeria and Mexico recently.  They did right themselves against South Korea with a win, but barely.   (2:45 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for Polish football funny

 

Polish fan trying to go slip-and-sliding on wet pitch at a friendly.

Denied!!

  1. Lithuania vs. Iran – friendly

Iran (FIFA-rank just #35) are not expected to survive the Group Stage in Russia, and their play of late doesn’t bode well.  They fare decently enough against mediocre teams that didn’t qualify, but haven’t been able to keep up with peers like Turkey and Tunisia.  They should be able to at least build up some confidence against #133 Lithuania.

RESULT:   Iran   0-1

  1. Kopetdag Asgabat vs. Balkan – Turkmenistan Yokary Liga

A Globetrotting Friday just wouldn’t be complete without at least one stop at a true soccer league hunterland!

We’ve visited Kopetag Asgabat before, and they’re not doing better than before.  But at second-to-place, they’re still better than Balkan.  By a lot, actually.  The boys from Balkanabat have only four points in the table, 1/3 that of K.A.

Fun Fact:  Balkanabat was founded as “Neftedag”, which translates to “Oil Mountain”.

RESULT:   Balkan  1-2

Image result for Balkanabat tourists

 

 

 

So long from the Caravan Monument, Balkanabat!

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches (6/5-7) – ConIFA World Cup leads the way

Noob will dole out the Midweek featured matches piecemeal, day by day.  The footyball, it teases you, Noobites.  Tantalizes.

To learn a bit more about ConIFA, scroll down the last couple three posts.  Or visit them at ConIFA.org.

Tuesday

  1. Karpatalja vs. Cascadia – ConIFA World Cup

Karpatalja didn’t initially qualify for the event, but ended up replacing late dropout Feldivek (from Romania, representing the Hungarian minority there).  Yet they won their Group, finishing ahead of good Northern Cypress and Abkhazia sides.

Karpatalja also represent a Hungarian minority, but in the Ukraine.  They are not ranked in the posted top thirteen.

RESULT:   Karpatalja   3-1     Cascadia isn’t done playing though, as teams which lose get moved down into what they call “placement matches”.   Nice that they may the knockout stage in their first-ever trip to WC.

Image result for Karpatalja football

 

 

Gotta be honest – the upright animal with the tongue out is creeping Noob out.

B.  Louisville FC vs. New England Revolution – U.S. Open Cup

‘Muricuh’s FA Cup has reached its Fourth Round, where the MLS big boys come out to play.

These are single Knockout matches, and USL’s reigning champ had the good fortune to draw their Major League team on their own pitch.  Noob thinks they’ll still be doing well to earn a draw at home over 90’+, send it to penalties.  The winner here takes on the winner of the New York Derby next — NYCFC vs. Red Bulls.

RESULT:   Louisville   3-2      Upset City!

Image result for Letter B playing

Number B has also come out to play.

Sneaky Number B — are you for the Cavs or Warriors?

 

 

Wedesnday

  1. New York Red Bulls vs. NYCFC – U.S. Open Cup

The return of the New York derby!  It’s quite possible one of these two will win the whole shebang.  They currently rank #4 and #B in the MLS Eastern Conferences.

NYRB had been on fire until a loss at New England Revolution in their last league match.  NYCYC have been more up and down of late, will need to keep their defense buttoned down to have a shot.  It’s been a bit suspect at times this year.

RESULT:   NYRB   4-0

  1. Houston Dynamo vs. NTX Rayados – U.S. Open Cup

Welcome back to the Track, NTX!   This is the one true remaining minnow left in the tournament, an amateur team out of the North Texas Premier League.

To get this far, NTX have beaten a couple of tier-four teams and one from the USL (the admittedly awful OKC energy).  Today, obviously, they take a big step up in competition.

Houston has lost two league matches in a row, and one to the woeful Impact from Montreal.  Still, the Rayados would be doing well to keep this within two goals.

RESULT:   HOU   5-0      NTX kept the match scoreless for the first half

 

Rayados celebrate their first goal against Wichita in the Third Round

  1. The Strongest vs. Jorge Wilstermann – Bolivia Premier

Es deja vú toda de neuvo.  The Apertura (first half-season) Final of home and away matches between these two ended in a 3-3 aggregate draw.  Instead of penalty kicks, they’re playing again!

This final Final match will be held at a neutral site, in Sucre.  JW were the stronger team (pun intended) during the regular season.  Hard not to see them as the favorite here.

RESULT:   JW   2-2  /  2-3  PK      Congrats to the champs!

  1. Johor Darul Ta’zim vs. Pahang – Malaysia Super League

A few days ago, we featured a 1-2 match from this league.  JDT were and are #1.  It was written here that then-#B Perak had been overachieving, and it is proving to be true.  It was also posted that Pahang were the real second-best team in the league, and now they’re there.  What Noobstradamus sees comes to pass, never doubt, heathen Noobites!

Still, no one scores on Johur.  They’re not losing at home to anyone.

RESULT:   JDT   1-0

Image result for noobstradamus

 

A Malaysian proverb says one should “not use an axe to embroider“.

I…lost my train of thought.  This doesn’t seem soccer-relevant now.  

 

Thursday

  1. USA vs. China – women’s friendly

‘Muricuh!!   #1!  USA!  Too many exclamation points!  The USWNT is already in for the 2019 WC by virtue of representing the host nation.

China are ranked #17 in the world, are about the 5th-best in Asia.  By finishing in the top three of the 2014 Asia Cup, they’ve already gained a berth for the final World Cup qualifying stage of the current version.  (Asia Cup is the WC qualifying determiner there.)   (9:00 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   USA   1-0

  1. Northern Cyprus vs. Padania – ConIFA World Cup

Semifinal action!  Northern Cyprus lambasted the host team – Barawa – 8-0 last round.  Padania topped Panjab 2-0.  Peruse posts from the last few days to learn more about this event, or hit ConIFA.org.

RESULT:   Northern Cyprus   3-2

Funny banana man in Northern Cypress restaurant is not worried about the #MeToo movement.  He’s gonna dance with whomever.

9.  Wales vs. Bosnia and Herzegovina – women’s World Cup qualification (UEFA)

This tournament is in its second Group Stage.  35 teams have been divided into seven pods of five each.  They will play double round-robins in each.  The Group winners make the WC, while the top four second-best finishers will have a playoff for one more berth.

Wales is FIFA-ranked #34.  They’re #B in their Group, just two points behind England with three matches to play.  B&H are #57, are far enough back that they cannot win the Group.  They could still make second, but it’s going to require quite the run.

RESULT:   Wales   1-0

  1. England vs. Costa Rica – friendly

#13 hosts #25 in the World as they both prepare for World Cup.  England’s national team hasn’t lost in nearly a year, riding the back of their defense.  Still, for some reason, many a pundit doesn’t think they’ll make it out of the Group Stage in Russia.

Costa Rica has recently beaten Scotland and Northern Ireland, but lost to Tunisia in between.   They’re kinda-sorta Noob’s team to cheer for with the U.S. not in it.  Muricuhns are so torn on whether or not to root for rival Mexico, so why not the next-best CONCACAF side?   (3:00 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   England   2-0

Image result for Leeds England weirdos

 

 

 

So long from Leeds, West Yorkshire, England!

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Relegation Monday (6/4) – embrace the suckitude

Ah, Monday.  Why grumble over it?  Instead, Noob suggests embracing the dark feelings it brings and celebrating the suckitude.

League schedules run lighter after the weekend (very light, as will soon be demonstrated).  So let’s mix in some matches involving teams that are perhaps about to get Relegated, get to know some before they disappear into the mist of footyball irrelevance.

  1. Real Monarchs SLC vs. Rio Grande Valley Toros – USL

#1 and Noob-reviled RM SLC host #14 Toros in the only Division One or Two match in ‘Muricuh today.  Noob will pull for the Toros since nothing royal/”real” belongs in here, but their odds don’t look good.  RGV’s goal differential is almost even, but they don’t have the offense to keep up with the league’s best side.

RESULT:   SLC   2-0

Image result for revolt against monarchy funny

 

 

Not on Noob’s watch.

B.  Italy vs. Netherlands – friendly

FIFA-ranked #20 visits #19 in a battle of two of the best teams not to qualify for World Cup late this month.  As the match is being played in Turin, Noob’s guess is they’ll console each other over fine glasses of Borolo.   (2:45 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for Barolo letter B

 

 

 

Number B stands for “the king of wine, the wine of kings”.

  1. Parana Clube vs. Fluminense – Brazil Serie A

Fluminense is in 9th.  The top seven will qualify for the next Copa Libertadores, South America’s version of Champions League.  The season is still young, but this feels about right for “the tricolor”.

But it’s Parana in second-to-last which has our real attention on a Monday.  Bottom four will be Relegated.  They are one of two clubs yet to net a single win.  Three goals scored in eight games is not going to get it done.   (7:00 PM, Premiere Futebol Clube)

RESULT:   Parana   2-1     It’s a Relegation Monday miracle!

  1. Hafnarfjordur vs. Keflavik – Iceland Urvalsfeild

Iceland’s top league is ranked just 35th in UEFA, sandwiched by Albania and Hungary.  The season here is even younger than in Brazil, but Keflavik have already taken over last place by going winless so far.  They’re no great shakes on D, but it’s their O that really lacks.  Hosts FH are #3.

Fun Fact:  Keflavik is named for a town that existed until 1994, when it merged with another to form Reykjanesbaer.

RESULT:   2-2

Image result for keflavik

  1. Serbia vs. Chile – friendly

Chile is a top ten club in the world, yet failed to qualify for WC.  Noob’s thinking they’ll take it out on #35 Serbia, since that team is headed for Russia.  Serbia did notch a solid win against Nigeria in their most recent match.   (2:45 PM, beIN Sports En Español)

RESULT:   Chile   0-1

  1. 3 de Febrero vs. Luqueño – Paraguay Premier

3 de Febrero is going to be a Monday fixture this summer.  They were just promoted up from Division Intermedia this year, and they’re going right back down.  Points earned per game average in the table determines who gets The Boot, and 3dF average not much more than half as much as the next-worst team.

Yet this might be a chance for a W!  Their visitors are in third to last in the Relegation table.

Fun Fact:   Cuidad del Este – 3dF’s home city, is also home to a massive number of Lebanese immigrants.

RESULT:   Luqueño   0-2

Image result for ciudad de Este mosque

 

 

Umar Ibn Al Khattab mosque is the largest mosque in Paraguay (as of 2015 anyway).

  1. Barbados vs. Belize – friendly

As you might imagine, neither of these national teams are headed to World Cup.  But it’s fun to get to know teams close to home, and these two are both in CONCACAF.  Full disclosure though, it also catches Noob’s eye because his next-door neighbors are from Belize.

They’re FIFA-ranked #158 and #169, respectively.  Belize finished last in their Group in the last Copa Centroamericano.  Barbados has never qualified for a major international competition.

RESULT:   0-0     (game was played yesterday)

  1. Persipura Jayapura vs. PSM Makassar – Indonesia Liga 1

PSM are deadlocked with Barito Putera for #1 in the league, which only gets one AFC Champions League berth.  #4 Persipura actually have a higher goal differential than any of the teams ahead of them.

Only 9 points separate 1st and last in this slightly below-average Asian league.  The title race is tighter than Meg Ryan’s face.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for Meg Ryan botox face

 

This feels mean, but let’s treat this as a PSA.

Botox.  Like with everything else in live, moderation is wise.

  1. Skjetten vs. Lillestrom II – Norway 3. Division

What could #10 be when #9 is a fourth-tier Norwegian match?  Hey, with so many of the “major” European leagues having concluded their seasons, Noob’s more than willing to dig as deeply as needed to find teams on the edge of getting kicked out of their leagues.

This league is divided into six divisions, presumably regionalized.  Four clubs will get Relegated and Skjetten is among those right now.  Their GD is really pretty ok, so they may flirt with climbing out of the Drop Zone.  More offense is they key for them.  Their guests today are in 3rd.

Fun Fact:   Skjetten the town had very bad gang problems for 15 years, until about 2007.  Just not something Noob thinks about with Norway.  

RESULT:   Skjetten   3-2       more Relegation Monday magic!

  1. Aragvi Dusheti vs. Bakhmaro – Georgia Liga III

Third division Georgian football?  You’re goldurn the-country-not-the-U.S.-state-right!  This country’s top-flight league is only ranked 45th of 55 in Europe.  These guys might not just be non-pros, they might have to pay to play.

The bottom half of this league are all marked as Relegation possibilities by one of Noob’s sources, so this has to be a Playoff situation when the time comes.  A.D. are in third-to-last.  Bakhmaro are #5, score nearly twice as much as their hosts.

Fun Fact:  Dusheti is the name of the currently existing town, while Aragvi is the name of the rebellious duchy that no longer exists in that same area.  They kept getting their butts kicked by the other Georgians.

RESULT:   Dusheti   3-1        a trifecta of Monday magnificence, another upset!

Image result for dusheti georgia

 

 

So long from the Ananuri Fortress, Dusheti, Georgia!

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Sunday (6/3) – ConIFA World Cup rolls on, FIFA WC teams keep friendly-ing

The Track continues to pay homage to the ConIFA World Cup, featuring four of the eight matches today.   Your not imagining things, these teams are playing for the second straight day.  The timeframe for this event is really compact.

To learn a little about this event (and some of the other teams), scroll down to yesterday’s Track.

But don’t worry, FIFA afficionados!  The rest of the previews are MLS, NWSL, Bolvian final, and WC warmups.

  1. Tamil Eelam vs. Cascadia – ConIFA World Cup

Tamil Eelam are already guaranteed last place in Group A, cannot advance to the next stage.  Let’s get to know a touch about them before they head home from London.

The team is made up of players residing in Canada, Switzerland, and the U.K.  They are all Tamil (or perhaps of Tamil descent.  The Tamils are the indigenous population of Sri Lanka.  They would like to have their own country on the island nation, and in fact parts of it are under control of the Tamil Tigers political-military group.

RESULT:   Cascadia   0-6    They and Barawa advance out of Group A, both just beating Ellan Vannin (Isle of Man Manx team) on GD tiebreaker.

B.  Abkhazia vs. Northern Cypress – ConIFA World Cup

Abkhazia is a disputed state in northern Georgia.  Russia is one of the only countries that recognize it formally.  Georgia’s federal government considers it to only be an autonomous region within the nation.  Their representative football team is ranked 8th and they won this event in 2016.

RESULT:   2-2     Abkhazia nets the equalizer with a penalty at 90′, but it doesn’t save their tournament.  Northern Cypress and Karpatalja advance from Group B.

Image result for abkhazia football 2018

  1. Padania vs. Szekely Land – ConIFA World Cup

Szekely Land is an area within Romania that is populated predominately by the Szekelys – an ethnic subgroup of Hungarians.  There are movements there working to gain autonomy for the region.  Noob’s uncertain if this means they want an independent state or to still remain politically part of Romania.  Their team is ranked #5.

RESULT:   Padania   3-1     Both advance out of Group C.

  1. Western Armenia vs. Kabilya – ConIFA World Cup

Kabilya is a cultural and ethnic region of Algeria, in the north of the country.  There is a movement there for independence, which started many decades ago when the post-colonial, single-party governmental system was in place.  The Kabilye team is not ranked.

RESULT:   Western Armenia   4-0     They and Panjab advance from Group D.

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  1. Sporting Kansas City vs. Minnesota United – MLS

Red-hot FC Dallas have passed KC for #1 in the Western Conference.  Not that KC has been playing poorly – they’re unbeaten in their last four matches.  Minnesota are in 9th, yet not entirely out of the playoff picture (top six in conference).

If Minnesota are to make a move towards the postseason, they’ve got to crank up their offense.  19 year-old forward Christian Ramirez (“Superman”) led the team in scoring last year – the club’s first season.  He also leads this year, but that’s with just three goals.  He may need more help from current forward and former midlfielder (and much older, 28) Ethan Finlay.  (8:30 PM Eastern, FS1)

RESULT:   KC   4-1     So for now, they return to the top spot

  1. Seattle Reign vs. Orlando Pride – NWSL

North Carolina Courage are decimating the league.  The race is tight for the other three playoff spots, as six of the eight other clubs are within four points of one another.

#B Seattle only managed to split their last two matches, against two of the league’s least teams.  But they have the defense to take care of business at home against #3 Orlando.  (Boooo, Swamp-City!)

RESULT:   0-0

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Even this cute little swamp monster can’t make us cheer for Orlando

  1. Jorge Wilstermann vs. The Strongest – Bolivia Premier

The Final!   Bolivia’s Apertura (first half-season) is coming to a close.  These two have already played the first match of a two-legged tie to decide the champion.  The Strongest (such the douchebaggy name) won that 2-1.  JW are the far stronger offensive unit, should be able to come back and take hardware on their own pitch.

RESULT:   JW   2-1    Since the tie is even, they will play one more time, at a neutral stadium in Sucre on 6/6.

  1. Spain vs. Switzerland – friendly

Here’s a surprise – the Swiss national team actually holds the higher ranking between these two!   They are 6th to Spain’s 8th.  Both have qualified for World Cup.   (3:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   1-1

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Noob’s daughter’s fave Swiss surprise

  1. Costa Rica vs. Northern Ireland – friendly

WC-bound and #25-ranked Costa Rica takes on FIFA #27 in this one.  Costa Rica and the U.S. are about even in league strength.  They’ve lost four of their last five matches, managing a win against only Scotland.

RESULT:   Costa Rica   3-0

  1. Brazil vs. Croatia – friendly

Here we get a peek at one of the favorites going into Russia in #B-ranked Brazil.  Croatia are no slouches at #18, are headed to WC as well.  They’ve been winning most of their matches – including their most recent, a win over Mexico. They’re playing it at Liverpool’s home stadium.   (10:00 AM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   Brazil   2-0

Image result for Liverpool funnySo long from Anfield in Liverpool!  

The yellow and Where’s Waldo-clad supporters may or may not attend.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Saturday (6/2) – ConIFA World Cup is on! Plus MLS, FIFA friendlies

The FIFA World Cup begins in less than two weeks.  You’re here, you knew.

But there’s another soccer organization in the world called ConIFA.  They are the Confederation of Independent Football Associations.  Smaller, newer nations, stateless peoples, diaspora, underrepresented minorities… check out ConIFA.org for more specifics.

16 teams are competing in London.  In this opening stage, four groups of four teams each play each other in a round-robin.  Top two finishers move on to the Knockout Stage.  Each team has played one game already, and the third games will follow in just a day or two.  This event moves fast, probably for cost-reasons.

Do these matches necessarily fit into Noob’s ‘ten most important matches’ mantra?  Arguably at best.  But though Noob and Noobite we may be, this space has always also been devoted to exploring soccer worldwide.  These teams and the areas they come from are fascinating.

We start the Track there.

  1. Barawa FA vs. Cascadia – ConIFA World Cup

So where and what is Cascadia?  The team consists of players from Oregon, Washington, and British Columbia.  The players are largely U.S. tier-four players and some that play several levels down the soccer pyramid in England.   They are unranked with ConIFA, though members.

There exists a Cascadia Independence movement for the three to become their own country.  Two of the big reasons are bioregionalism and not feeling best served by eastern federal governments.

Barawa is a city in southern Somalia.  Barawa FA however, represents the Somali diaspora in England.  The organization has as part if its mission developing football in Barawa city.  Noob doesn’t have the impression there’s any active movement regarding the Somali city and independence.  This team also has many players in intermediate and lowers levels in England.

Bawara is 11th in the organization world rankings.  They won their first match 4-0.  Cascadia is not ranked, lost their first match 1-4.

RESULT:  Cascadia   1-2

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Check out those awesome Cascadia soccer Doug-socks!

 B.  Panjab vs. Western Armenia – ConIFA World Cup

Panjab is a team representing the Punjabi diaspora in England.  They won their first match 8-0 and are the #1-ranked team in ConIFA.

Western Armenia refers to a region of eastern Turkey.  The indigenous people there were largely moved or exterminated a century ago roughly.  Armenia currently claims no rights to the region, but there is a revolutionary party there that would.  Their 10th-ranked side earned a draw against the excellent United Koreans of Japan team in their first match.

RESULT:  WA   0-1

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  1. Northern Cyprus vs. Tibet – ConIFA World Cup

Northern Cyprus is considered – by other than Turkey – to be a de facto and puppet state.  All other nations regard the nation of Cyprus to be the whole island.  The Turkish military protects the Northern area.  FIFA member nations are not allowed to play them.  They are 3rd-ranked, yet only managed a draw in their first match against unranked and late fill-in team Karpatalja.

Tibet, well, you probably know a fair bit about Tibet and China.  If not, do some reading from a more specifically knowledgeable source than this old hack blogger.  It is interesting to note that some of the players live in exile due to the political situation.  They lost their first match 0-3, are ranked #13.

RESULT:  NC   3-1

  1. Padania vs. Tuvalu – ConIFA World Cup

Padania is considered by those who recognize it as the Po Valley in Italy, or a region of northern and some of central Italy.  There is a political party (Lega Nord) that favors independence, but the sentiment doesn’t seem to run strongly with most of the populace.  Their representative football team is ranked 2nd, comprised largely of fourth-division Italian players and below.  They won their first match 6-1.

Tuvalu has tried to get into FIFA, but the primary issue seems to be the lack of a single regulation pitch that meets standards.  They are ranked 33rd in ConIFA, lost their first match 0-4.

RESULT:  Padania 8-0

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  1. Ireland vs. USA – friendly

Neither is going to World Cup, but it’s another chance to see how the young players on the USMNT can do.  Ireland just got housed by France a couple days ago.  The two are ranked #34 and #21 by FIFA.

RESULT:  Ireland   2-1

  1. Dallas vs. LAFC – MLS

#B hosts #3 in the West.  Dallas is tied with Sporting Kansas City for the conference’s best defense, while expansion LAFC is tied with KC for the second-best offense.  No wonder KC is #1…   Dallas haven’t lost since late April, while LAFC hasn’t won since early May.  They racked up all those goals early in the season.

RESULT:  Dallas   2-1

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Ummmm…..

  1. NYCFC vs. Orlando City – MLS

The Eastern Conference is finally seeing some justice.  Noob and The Management-reviled Swamp City Orlando has lost three straight!  Choke on ‘em, mice-men.  Bad urban planning is never rewarded.  They’re still in the playoff picture at #5 for now.  Hopefully #3 NYCFC can stop their own lesser struggles with a resounding W today.   (7:30 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 10)

RESULT:   NYC   3-0

  1. Mexico vs. Scotland – friendly

FIFA #15 Mexico has stepped up its level of opponents the last two matches, and it hasn’t gone so well.  They drew against Wales and lost to Croatia.  Scotland is ranked just 34th in the world, should represent a chance for “El Tri” to get a win and some confidence heading into Russia.   (9:00 PM, FS1)

RESULT:  Mexico   1-0

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Relevant?  Not really.  Does Noob require relevance?  *bonnnnnggg*

  1. England vs. Nigeria – friendly

Many a pundit seem to think #13 England won’t even make it out of the World Cup group stage.  They can’t seem to score a lick, but their goal-defense is astounding.  They haven’t lost a match in their last seven.

Nigeria is WC-bound as well.  They’re ranked just 47th, have lost two of three as the tournament looms.  It appears they won’t have the offensive firepower to get out of the group stage.   (12:15 PM, Fox Deportes, Fox Soccer Plus)

RESULT:  England   2-1

  1. Johor Darul Ta’zim vs. Perak – Malaysia Super Liga

We conclude the Track with #1 vs. #B, as should be!  Does it matter that it’s from a league that’s not even quite in the top quarter of associations in Asia?  It does not.

JDT have opened up a seven-point lead in the table by virtue of an absolutely stifling defense.  They’ve allowed just five goals in a dozen games – twice as good as the next best.  Perak can put it in the net, but play only middling D.  3rd-place Pahang is better.  At home, JDT should take this by two goals.

RESULT:  Johor  2-0

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So long from Johor Bahru!