Tag: Sporting Kansas City

‘10 to Track’ for Sat., 4/27 – from MLS and Liga MX to Europe and beyond, it’s a Noobstradamus-day!

Noobstradamus, did you hit the Sativa instead of the Indica?   It’s a tidal wave today of prognostication excellence (*cough cough*) from our resident ancient seer!

Here are the 10 most important games to track today, for us, the newish American fans.

  1. New England Revolution  vs Sporting Kansas City – MLS

KC has a five-point lead in the West, but the next two behind them have played two fewer games.   Things will tighten up. The Revs are in 4th in the East, a far sight better than last season.

Noob looks for the high-powered Kansas City side to score early and often.  New England’s defense is solid, but KC lead the entire league in goals made.       (7:30 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 6)

RESULT:   New England   1-0

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Why hate when I can prognosticate?

1-2 Kansas City is the today’s future.

 

B.    Orlando Pride vs Seattle Thorns- NWSL

Noobstradamus says 0-1, Seattle over Swanp City.  Down with bad urban planning!

RESULT:   1-1

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I foresee Number B replacing that archaic Number to in lists, thanks to this quest.  Archaic things, meh!

Wait, I’m archaic…

 

3.  Tigres vs. Monterrey – Liga MX

Both have qualified for the postseason Liguilla heading into this final regular season match.  But seeding is still very much in the air.  They are 4th and 3rd now, but either could jump to #B with a win tonight.

Tigres will try to keep the pace slow.  They can’t take Monterrey in a goal-fest.   Noobstradamus sees all, sees a 1-1 draw.  (8:00 PM, Univision)

RESULT:   2-2

4.  Inter Milan vs Juventus – Serie A

Juve is only a point up on #B Napoli.  Inter is in 5th, just outside the Champions League slots.  But they trail the next two teams up by just one in the table.  Juve are better on both sides of the ball, and loads better on offense.    (2:45 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   Juve   2-3    Good LAWD!   Juve was watching their title slip away, down 2-1 with three minutes plus added time to go.  They scored twice more before 90′.

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Inter will run out of gas now and going forward.   0-1 Juve today

5.  Bayer Leverkusen vs Stuttgart – Bundesliga

Will the pressure get to Leverkusen?  They’re 4th, barely in a CL slot  they SHOULD handle 10th place Stuttgart.  (12:30 PM, FS1)

RESULT:   Stuttgart   0-1

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2-1 Leverkusen.  Stuttgart is German for “stuttering child”.  You don’t need other-worldly powers to see their going to lose.

The Management here:  Noobstra-dumbass doesn’t know German.

6.  Swansea vs Chelsea – English Premier

Four matches to go and 5th place Chelsea still trails #4, Noob-reviled Hotspur by five points in the table.

Meanwhile, Swansea are fighting for their Premier lives at the other end of the standings.  They’re only one slot above the Relegation line, though at least they have a four-point lead on the next club down.  They can’t score.  They have the best defense among the league’s worst teams, but that’s quite the qualifier.   (12:30 PM, Universo)

RESULT:   Chelsea   0-1

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1-3 Chelsea.

I also predict Hotspur will  be Relegated for being named for a historic traitor.

7.  Lyon vs Nantes – Ligue 1

Hiccup Watch match for #3 Lyon. France only gets three into CL nowadays   Pummeling #9 Nantes will give them relief.   Noobstradamus says Lyon 3-0.

RESULT:   Lyon   2-0

8.  Herediano vs Saprissa – Costa Rica Premier

The top two collide in the postseason!  Noobstradamus predicts concussions.  Ouch.

RESULT:   Herediano   1-0

9.  Sendai vs. Sapporo – J 1 League

The Management must be given his Japan-fix.   The league is just far enough in now for Noob to pay attention.

Noobstradamus has no score prediction, but prognosticates The Management will today bring up in conversation a culturally subversive animated show from there that features an office worker Red Panda that fights off existential ennui by performing in a death metal band at night.

Noob isn’t kidding.  It’s so disorienting, all I can do is figuratively projectile-vomit out number #10 – Reno and OKC in USL action.  Reno scores LOTS. They’ll win…14-3 today. Maybe.

RESULTS:   J1 League match ends 2-2;  Reno   2-0

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Globetrotting Friday (4/20) – MLS, NWSL, Liga MX keep us closer to home

TGIGF!  yet today, we won’t be hitting the soccer hinterlands quite like usual.  This is a rare Friday sched that’s chock full of great matches, in leagues Noob covers and you crave.

  1. Sporting Kansas City vs. Vancouver Whitecaps – MLS

Nearly every team has played five games, an arbitrary benchmark Noob uses to stop leaning on the previous seasons’ stats so heavily and look at what’s in front of us.

So what’s in front of us?  KC is #1 in the West, and they’re doing it with a wide-open style.  They lead the league in offense.  Vancouver is in 3rd.  They’re two road wins this early are impressive.  But ultimately, this team isn’t scoring enough goals.  Bad matchup for them today.

Noob’s thinking KC 3-0.  The Management should be pleased, since he is pro-all things KC.   (9:00 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass)

RESULT:   KC   6-0

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Where were you hiding that cake, The Management?

Noob likes chocolate cake.  Noob will root for KC.

B.  Washington Spirit vs. Portland Thorns – NWSL

In 2 Corinthians, Paul writes of a thorn in his flesh.  Three times he prayed for its removal.  Each time, the Lord told him His grace would be sufficient instead.

Noob’s not quite sure how this can fit here, but I will say Washington needs to pray here.  The Capitol gals finished in last in 2017.  Just three games in this year they are better.  But they aren’t playing any defense, and that’s not going to bode well against the defending champs.

RESULT   1-1

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Number B,. any chance that Holy Spirit-dove is Washington’s mascot?

  1. Puebla vs. CF America – Liga MX

Two matches two go in the Clausura (second half-season).  America sit in 3rd, and are all but mathematically guaranteed a Liguilla slot, top-eight finish.

Puebla are in 13th – not out, but on life support.  Their GD isn’t all that bad, but their guests today are tied for the best defense in the league.   Must win for “The Sweet Potatoers”.     (8:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Puebla   3-1      Puebla pulls into a three-way tie for 9th, just a point behind the two teams tied for 8th

  1. Dijon vs. Lyon – Ligue 1

France’s slip in the UEFA rankings this year means they only get three Champions League invites now.  This has Lyon sweating bullets.  They’re tied for 3rd with Marseille.  Dijon shouldn’t present a problem today, except that the game is there.  One never knows what the road may bring.    (3:00 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   Lyon   2-5

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Lies!  Clearly there is a problem related to mustard.

  1. Connah’s Quay vs. T.N.S. – Welsh Premier

It’s #B vs. #1!   That’s always eye-catching for Noob, even if The New Saints have already claimed the league title.  TNS score close to twice as much as anyone else, but will they be motivated now?

CQ are in position to get the only automatic Europa League berth here, but only lead Bangor City by three in the table.

RESULT:   TNS   1-3

  1. Millwall vs. Fulham – English Championship League

This may only be second-tier football, but this league has ranked as high as 14th before in the overall UEFA rankings.  And this match should be a doozy.

Millwall are in 6th, with competition hot on their heels for that last spot in the Promotion Playoffs.  Fulham are in 3rd and guaranteed at least a PP spot already.  But they’re also only a point behind #B Cardiff City.  If they can pass them, they’ll be automatically moved up to Premier League.

RESULT:   Fulham   0-3     Fulham climb to #B by two points, though one must note they’ve played two more matches than #3 Cardiff.  

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“Hot on their heels”.  English Sexy Pointed Toe Shoes.

Not bad, Dan the Intern-o Inferno.  But find some better ankles next time.

  1. Braga vs. Maritimo – Primeira Liga

Portugal’s is the highest-ranked league (#7) to only get two Champions League slots.  This means Braga has work to do.  They’re in 4th, six points behind #B Benfica.  Maritimo are tied for 5th, but they’re merely playing to be the best of the rest.  Big gap between the top four and all others here.

RESULT:   Braga   2-0     Braga move into a tie for 3rd.  They’ve played one more match than Sporting CP with whom they’re tied though.

  1. Istanbul Basaksehir vs. Kayserispor – Turkey Super Lig

A reminder:  This is a top 10 league in Europe.  We pay attention.

Galatasaray – 60, Besiktas 59, Istanbul 59.  Fenerbahce 57.  Say hello to the most dramatic league finish coming.  Five matches remain for everyone.  Just two will make CL.

I.B. are better on both sides of the ball than the #6 visitors today, should take care of business.  Kayser aren’t playing for any Euro-postseason.

RESULT:   Istanbul   3-1   I.B. move into 1st.  They’ve played one more match than the teams right behind them though.

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Um, Dan the Intern-o Inferno?  Turkey Super Lig.  LIG.

Cute though.

  1. Reims vs. AC Ajaccio – Ligue 2

Congrats, Ligue 2!  Noob had a Paraguayan game scouted for this slot today, but Independiente fell out of the top quarter of their league.  Denied!

France’s second division automatically promotes two to Ligue 1 annually.  Reims are #1 and they’re unlikely to be caught now.  ACA are #3.  That’s good to make the league’s Promotion Playoffs, but they’re also just a point behind #B Nimes.

RESULT:   Reims   1-0

  1. Melbourne City vs. Brisbane Roar – Australia A-League

More denial!  Noob had an Algerian Ligue 1 match all lined up, but Hussein Day fell off the radar like Independiente.

Instead, we finish our globetrotting Down Under.  It’s the Playoffs!  The top two regular season finishers are getting byes.  Four more face off in Knockout matches to see who plays the league leaders.

Melbourne City finished third, Brisbane 6th.  Noob has confirmed that the Playoff champions – not the regular season champion – gets an Asian Champions League invite.  While not confirmed, Noob assumes the loser of the Playoff final will get the other invite.

RESULT:   Melbourne City   2-0

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Good thing this makes sense.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches- Weekend Edition – Premier League, MLS, all the finest

The ten most important matches for the newish North American fan to follow.  Our quest is noble.

  1. Chicago Fire vs. Sporting Kansas City – MLS

The Fire placed 3rd in the Eastern Division last season, and unless team make-up has changed a lot, they will play things wiiiiiide open.  KC finished 5th in the weaker Western.

The Management has strong KC ties.   Noob has yet to decide if he will openly root against The Management’s teams on principle, cheer along with him (Unlikely!), or modestly heckle.  For today, I’ll just say this:  If Chicago score first, KC will get routed.  (6:00 PM Eastern, NBA League Pass 6)

RESULT:   3-4    KC     (KC scored first)

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Apparently, Noob’s late to this party.

B.  Tigres UANL vs. Tijuana – Liga MX

Noob loves Liga MX more and more each passing day.  They play about the same number of games as other premier leagues (34), but when the season is divided into two separate halves, every game means so much more.

They’re 10 games into the Clausura (second half-season), and things are tight as a tick in the table.  Only eight points separate 1st from 13th.  These two are 5th and 7th.  Top eight will get to play in the postseason Liguilla.

The hosts have some trouble on the defensive side of things, but that makes this a good matchup for them.  Tijuana apparently just like to kick the ball as high as they can all game long.  Only 16 goals have been scored in their 10 matches.   (8:00 PM, ESPN Deportes, Univision)

RESULT:   Tigres   1-0

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Number B is so ready.

  1. Manchester United vs. Liverpool – English Premier

At #B and #3, both these clubs are looking safe for a top four-finish and invites to the Champions League.  Man Utd. like a lower-scoring game, at least compared to other top clubs.  Noob looks for 1-0 Red Devils win.

RESULT:   Man Utd.    2-1

  1. Sevilla vs. Valencia – La Liga

Spain’s top-flight league gets four Champions League invites, and Valencia seem set for that 4th.  They’re six points up on 5th-place Sevilla.  They need more than a draw.  Anything but a win and they’ll for certain be settling for Europa League.

RESULT:   Valencia   0-2

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Layers of confusion.

 

 

Sunday, 3/11

  1. Atlanta United vs. D.C. United – MLS

What a treeee-mendous first season Atlanta had!   4th place in the brutally tough East.  Pretty much filling up the lower bowl at the NFL Falcons’ home stadium.  Just think where they might be in a few years.

Hopefully someplace good.  Unlike long-timers D.C. United.  They crapped the bed to a dismal last-place finish.   (3:00 PM Eastern, ESPN)

RESULT:   Atlanta   3-1     The Capitol-crapping continues

  1. Borussia Dortmund vs. Eintracht Frankfurt – Bundesliga

Likely the most important game on the globe this weekend.  League titles mean a lot, but those seem to be decided for most of the big Euro leagues.  Getting to Champions League is what counts.

These two are tied for 3rd, and three more teams lurk no more than three points behind them.  American superstar Christian Pulisic and Dortmond will be looking to make this a battle of offense today.  Frankfurt won’t be able to keep up.   (1:00 PM, FS2, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Dortmund   3-2      High drama!  Frankfurt gets the equalizer a minute into stoppage time, then Dortmund gets the winner at 90+5.

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They grow up SO fast!

  1. Inter Milan vs. Napoli – Serie A

If the above is most important, it’s #7 here giving them a run.

Napoli lead the Italian league by a point, but they’ve also played one more game than #B Juventus.  Inter are just one point behind Lazio for the league’s last Champions League berth.  They play the same defense, but Napoli score half again as often.   (3:45 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Rangers vs. Celtic – Scottish Premiership

The sand is running out of the glass on Rangers.  They’re just six points behind Celtic for 1st (and the league’s only C.L. spot), but few other teams have the capability to beat Celtic.  They’ll only face off one more time after today.  Realistically, Rangers have to have a win and three points here.

RESULT:   2-3   Celtic

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Wait, those can’t be Scottish.  They look edible.

  1. Jorge WIlstermann vs. Bolivar – Bolivia Premier

This is the Apertura (first half-season), and oh my have they changed formats.  While the Clausura will still be played under a more typical round-robin system, right now they league is split into two groups of seven.  The top four from each group will advance to a Knockout tournament.

Aaaaanyway.  These two are tied for 1st in their Group.

RESULT:   JW   4-2

  1. PAOK vs. AEK Athens – Superleague Greece

#2 hosts #1!   Just what’s needed – added pressure.  PAOK fans will fight just about anywhere, anytime as is.  The club has already had two points in the table deducted for hooligan fans.  They’re five behind AEK.

RESULT:   0-0      Best of all, Noob heard of no fan maimings

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Actual photo from fighting before a PAOK-AEK game.   

We should NEVER have sent Greece those Karate Kid VHS tapes.

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Sunday, 3/4 – Welcome, LAFC

No time for dawdling, the ten most important soccer matches to follow for the newish American fan await us, Noobites!

  1. Sporting Kansas City vs. New York City FC – MLS

Last year’s Western Conference #5 and a The Management fave hosts the Eastern’s #2.

Noob will refrain from rooting against KC just to spite The Management.  For now.  It’s a gesture of good will with which to start the season.  (7:30 PM Eastern, FS1)

RESULT:   0-2   NYCFC

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B.  Seattle Sounders vs. Los Angeles FC – MLS

Welcome, new MLS club!   Seattle – fie on you, and you know why.  Less-tenured Noobites can search back to learn about the douchebag fan/TA first soccer fan I ever knew.  Actually, I guess that is the story.  (5:00 PM, ESPN Deportes)

RESULT:   0-1   LAFC

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Number B welcomes you to the soccer family, baby LAFC.

  1. Manchester City vs. Chelsea – English Premier

The new league champs host last year’s.  Chelsea wear the sadpants, as it’s looking likely that won’t even make top four and next year’s Champions League.  Noob hopes they can catch fire starting here, pass 4th place, traitorously-named Tottenham  Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur.  (11:00 AM, NBCSN)

RESULT:   Man City   1-0

  1. Toluca vs. Pachuca – Liga MX

Tied for 6th hosts tied for 10th in a table so tight, the ordinal rankings just don’t matter yet.   Pachuca tends to play more wide open than most sides, so if Toluca can score first, this could turn into a rout.

In fact, Noobstradamus sees it just that way, 4-1 for the host Sausagers.  (1:00 PM, Univision)

RESULT:   Toluca   2-1

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Sausage can be conjugated that way?

Not even I saw that coming.

  1. Barcelona vs. Atletico Madrid – La Liga

Barcelona have yet to lose on the season.  A win today against #B Atletico – with just one loss of their own – likely salts the title away.  They play the league’s best defense, but Barcelona’s an absolute monster with the ball.  (10:15 AM, beIN Sports)

RESULT:   Barcelona   1-0

  1. Montpelier vs. Lyon – Ligue 1

These two faced off less than a month ago in the Coupe de France.  Montpelier lost 1-2 at home then.  Will history repeat itself?

Lyon is in 4th, five points behind Marseilles for the third and final Champions League berth.  Montpelier are tied for 6th, trying to catch Rennes for the last Europa League slot.

RESULT:   1-1

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History repeating itself

  1. AC Milan vs. Inter Milan – Serie A

Welcome back to the most interesting league race going.  Inter Milan were yesterday pushed out of the top four and a Champions League berth.  Today they’ll pull even on games played, but need a win to jump back up a spot in the table.

AC Milan are tied for 6th, but out of Europa League qualification based on tiebreaking goal differential.  They don’t have the defense to be great this year.  Noob smells a road win for “The Big Grass Snake”.

RESULT:   ppd

  1. Lokamotiv Moscow vs. Spartak Moscow – Russian Premier

#1 hosts #5, but with win a win Spartak would climb all the way up to #B.  Unlikely.  There’s a serious gap in defensive capability between them and the real powers of the league.

This is now the 6th-ranked league in European play.

RESULT:   0-0

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Defense.  You’re doing it wrong.

  1. Legia Warsaw vs. Lech Poznan – Poland Ekstraklasa

The regular season title is up for grabs as #1 hosts #3 in Europe’s 20th-ranked league.  Poznan sports the best goal differential in the league, so should give the league leaders a tough fight.

RESULT:   Warsaw   2-1

  1. Sanarate vs. Antigua Guatemala – Guatemala National League

Antigua was the Apertura (first half season) champs and are on top again now in the Clausura.

Sanrate has seen massive improvement.  They only finished 9th,  but are now tied for #B.  They scored 14 and gave up 22 goals before.  That line is now 14-8.  Still. Noob thinks they’d be pleased with a draw today, even being at home.

RESULT:   0-0

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Wait, can you say that?  That feels wrong.