’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Relegation Monday – World Cup, Isle of Sodor, suckitude, and Lalas

‘T’will be an EPIC Monday.

Relegation matches, celebrating the suckitude of teams about to go down a league?  Check.  Oh, and did Noob dig deep to find them.

World Cup!  Natch.  Isle of Sodor – Knockout Round of 16 begins.

And for that last, we’ve brought in Alexi Lalas, American soccer hero.  You read that right.  The Lalas.   Noobites, it’s a special day.

  1. Mexico vs. Brazil – FIFA World Cup

Many an American has jumped on the bandwagon for “El Tri”.  Many others have bashed the former for it.  Noob holds no position.  Root for a neighbor; cheer against our rivals.  No lives or loves are lost over it.  And it anyone gives you grief, you poonch that naysayer right in the snoosage.

Noob’s research shows Mexico are 6:1 underdogs.   Brazil are the five-time champions and ranked #2 in the world, so it’s understandable.  But Mexico did beat #1 Germany (now out of the tournament), so nothing result here would be earth-shattering.

Brazil brings so much firepower, they will be hard to contain.  Neymar.  Coutinho.  Paulinho, too, if those first two get too covered up.  For Mexico, Javier Hernandez if their penalty box-prowler who will be looking for stickbacks.

And there you have it, Noobites!   Just enough to get you through water cooler chat.  Now go, be free!  Search out more in-depth analysis on the interwebs, should the Spirit move you.  Noob will.   (10:00 AM, Fox)

RESULT:   Brazil   2-0     Mexico apparently talked a lot.  Neymar, as usual, flopped a lot and got tons of calls.

Image result for water cooler gossip funny

B.  Brendam Harbor vs. Junction & Sheds – Isle of Sodor Premier

Now that the Knockout Round is here, a little about each of our competitors:

B.H hosts today’s match.  Brendam is one of the few towns seemingly large enough for two clubs, even non-professional ones on Sodor.  Brendam Harbor draws its players from the actual harbor area and southern city-proper.  Everyone on Sodor is a hard worker, but this is definitely the blue collar, working man’s team.

Brendam United plays just north of the city, further inland on this south-centrally located peninsula.  They are more “suburban”, if Sodor has what most would call truly “urban” areas.

While there isn’t much in the way of mean-spiritedness regarding much of anything on Sodor (occasional crossness, certainly), be sure that the Harbormen are happy the purported best team on the island in United didn’t make it out of the Group Stage.  Harbor are considered second-best, on the entire Isle even.  Once the first-ever IoS Premier League starts in a few months, we’ll all see who everyone truly stacks up though.

Knapford is a larger town than Brendam, one of the two “main towns” on the island. It sits on the central West Coast, just southwest across the water from southeast Isle of Man.

Just like Brendam, the town fields two clubs (Knapford Town the other).  Both have their blue-collar bases.  Historically, J&S have drawn from the eastern, more inland portion of Knapford.  The club was started by railway workers.  (Knapford Town is east “old town” Knapford, predominately dockyard and harbor territory.

Only five of the eight teams from Pot One – considered the best on the Isle – survived the Group Stage.  Here, two of them face off.  Brendam Harbor won group D with what few teams play much of on Sodor – defense.  J&S go totally the other way.  They allowed 14 goals in three Group Stage matches, still advanced with a positive goal differential.

Noob is on the Tweeterbox, and had the good fortune to get in a Q&A with an American soccer all-timer and current broadcaster recently.   His take when asked who would win the match:

“Shed’s in the bag.” – Alexi Lalas

The Lalas has spoken!   Now to find out if his words are truly, well, truth.  Let the Round of 16 begin!

RESULT:   Brendam Harbor   4-4 / 3-2 pk      What a start to the Knockout Stage!    The Lalas got it wrong.  Chalk one up for Noobstradamus!   Though I’m not sure anyone saw the unusual manner of it all coming.

Late, one of the J&S players must have misunderstood something one of the BH players said.  The Shedder replied with a very unkind comment – which will not be repeated here – about the Harborman’s Manx heritage.

For those less familiar with Sudric culture — they’re a kind people, industrious… but good golly do they dislike the Isle of Man/Manx. 

They’re long since tired out on jokes about everyone knowing Man exists, but that some think Sodor is a fictional location just because of the books and TV series set there.

So J&S played the last 15 minutes with just ten players, Brendam H. caught up, and pk’s went the way of the hosts.  The Lalas is forgiven; Noobstradamus is commended.

Image result for Alexi Lalas funnyImage result for Noobstradamus

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, so this has-been ginger is doing your prognosticating now?  We’ll see about THAT.  My vision says Brendam Harbor wins, 6-1!  I am Noobstradamus.  -I- have spoken.

  1. Huachipato vs. Deportes Copiapo – Copa Chile

Chile’s FA Cup is also in its Round of 16.  Here, they play two-legged ties instead of simply single-match Knockouts.  10-th place Premier side Huachipato won the first game 1-2.

Copiapo plays in Primera B, the nation’s second tier.  They are part of a five-way tie in the table for three of the spots in the league’s Promotion Playoff.  Their focus should largely be on league, getting up to Primera level.  Hauchi will take this match, sweep the tie.   (8:15 PM, GOL TV)

RESULT:   1-1      Huachipato advances to the Quarters!

  1. LDU de Quito vs. Universidad Catolica – Ecuador Serie A

#1 hosts #3 in a distinct clash of styles.   Quito have built their three-point lead in the table (five over Catolica) on the league’s best defense.  UdC is tied for the league’s top offense.

RESULT:   Quito   2-1

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Que horror, es el pirate-Noob!

  1. Samgurali II vs. Aragvi Dusheti – Georgia Liga III

Third-tier Georgian league – you keep playing on Mondays, Noob’ll make you famous(ish)!

The bottom half of this 20-club league is jousting for Relegation Playoff seeding.  Samgurali are in second-to-last, and Noob thinks it could get worse.  Dusheti is in 13th, and that looks right, based on their stats.  S-II aren’t even an even match at home here.

Fun Fact:   Stalin would visit a  Bathhouse 9 in this spa resort town (Tsqaltubo) where Samgurali clubs are based.

RESULT:   Dusheti   0-4

  1. Guria vs. Matchakhela – Georgia Liga III

Matchakhela are in last place.  Neither they nor S-II can score worth a darn, but Match are less completely-awful on defense.  Not that they will be able to stop #4 Guria.  That team’s just two points outside a berth in the Promotion playoffs.  They hear the siren call of Liga II and will not be denied today.

RESULT:   Guria   1-0

Flag of Adjara

 

 

Matchakhela’s region of Adjara is an autonomous one within Georgia.

  1. Kolkheti Khobi vs. Samegrelo – Georgia Liga III

#16 Samegrelo are an interesting case in that they’re GD could or should have them much higher in the table.  They belong in the Relegation Playoff, make no mistake, but if they’d seal some deals instead of settling for so many draws, they could jump several spots in the table.

This won’t be the day they move that direction though.  K.K. are #B, and excel on both sides of the ball.  They’ll win by a couple.

Fun Fact:  When aske, “How do you pronounce Samegrelo’s townlet of Chkhorotsku?”, the correct response is to enunciate very slowly, “I don’t.”

RESULT:   K.K.   1-0

  1. Mjolner vs. Stabaek II – Norway Second Division

This is actually the Norwegian third tier of football.  Noob told you it was a time of year to dig deeply for Relegation sensation-matches.

Mjolner are 4th in the league.  They’ve played one fewer matches than most and will likely jump two spots after pasting today’s creampuffs.

Said creampuffs are one-win Stabaek II.  They do nothing remotely well and they are in last place, as is appropriate.  They’ll be one of the three teams that gets Relegated to Norway’s Third Division.

Fun Fact:  Stabaek’s first team plays in Norway’s top flight.  They are awful.

RESULT:   Mjolner   4-3

  1. Melhus vs. Levanger II – Norway Third Division

Noob wasn’t kidding.  There’s a Trackable fourth division in Norway.  And we’re on it.  There are 84 teams at this level, broken up into six (presumably regional) Groups.

Four teams will get The Boot into the fifth division (yup, it exists!) from each Group at season’s end.  Group Five’s Levanger II are in second-to-last.  They couldn’t find the back of an opponent’s net if you set them inside it.  5th-place Melhus are pretty average, but could make a move up the table after whacking these weasels today.

Fun Fact:   Levanger (I) played in the Second Division.  They’re lousy, too!

RESULT:   3-3

  1. Lokomotiv Oslo vs. KFUM II – Norway Third Division

These are the 12th and 13th-place teams in Group One.  Noob Tracks and celebrates the downtrodden, but wouldn’t want to watch this one live.  Neither team scores much or really allows tons of goals.  This will be a zero-zero draw.

RESULT:   Lokomtiv   5-0    Well, Noob was sort of half-right…

Image result for lokomotiv oslo 2018

 

“Lokomotiv Oslo — we play behind a middle school.”

And their marketing department is hiring.

’10 to Track’ Weekend Edition (6/30-7/1) soccer matches – World Cup and Isle of Sodor Cup knockout stages begin

The ten most important soccer matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.  Even with a World Cup off day in the mix, let us bathe in hot, steamy footyball goodness.

Reminder:  Isle of Sodor Cup draw for Knockout Stage matchups is today.  Woohoo!

  1. France vs. Argentina – FIFA World Cup

Let the Knockout Stage begin.  One and done now.  Noob is still just previewing one match per day, even though Uruguay-Portugal is just as “important”.

FIFA ranks these teams 7th and 5th, respectively, but it is France that won their Group.  Argentina snuck through with a winning goal in the 86’ in their last match against Nigeria.  This is not a team coming in hot.

France’s star, Pogba, sat out the last Group Stage match since the team was comfortably through to this Round already.  He has a tendency to get complacent on the pitch at times, but it’s hard to imagine him going all space cadet in World Cup.

For Argentina, well, you know the name Messi.   Marcus Rojo may have gotten the winning goal in the match against Nigeria, but he’s not a source for offense typically.

And there you have it!  Mini-preview success.  Just enough to get you through water cooler chat.  Now go, be free!  More in-depth pregame analysis is out there on the interblag.  Search it out, learn along with Noob.   (10:00 AM Eastern, Fox)

RESULT:   France   4-3      Mbappe with a brace!

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Perhaps Pogba has fought for one too many aerials…

B.  Columbus Crew vs. Real Salt Lake – MLS

4th -place teams from Eastern and Western Conferences – fiiiight!

Noob loathes teams this side of The Pond with “real” in their names.  No royalty here!   Long live the Revolution!

And RSL confounds Noob to no end.  They can’t score, they don’t defend particularly well, and their goal differential (minus ten) demonstrates it.  Yet 4th.  In their last two matches, they’ve been torched by the lowly Galaxy and barely managed a draw at home against lowlier San Jose.

Columbus are in a brutal part of their schedule.  They haven’t won a league match since May.  They’ve only managed one goal in their last three outings, losing to LAFC, Atlanta, and a draw against Red Bulls.  Noob looks for the Crew to get back on track here at home and for star forward Gyasi Zardes to be involved prominently.  The native Californian leads the team in goals at 18 (in 18 matches played).   (8:00 PM, ESPN+)

RESULT:   Columbus   2-1        And Zardes scores on a penalty in the 6′

Image result for letter B revolution

 

 

Who cares about letter A?

Let’s talk Number B.

3.  Chicago Fire vs. NYCFC – MLS

Chicago haven’t lost in a month, but they’ve only one twice.  In 7th, they’re just on the outside looking in for the Playoffs.  NYCFC have been running hot and cold like crazy.  Noob thinks the East’s #B team is due for another dip.   (8:00 PM, ESPN+)

RESULT:   Chicago   2-1     A brace for Katai!

4.  Atlanta United vs. Orlando City – MLS

Tripleheader me!

Atlanta are still #1 in the East, but just had a perplexing home draw against lowly Portland.  But Orlando has redefined perplexing.  They staged a mighty six-match winning streak in the spring, but the summer heat has wilted them.  They’ve now lost seven in a row in league.

Given The Management and Noob’s feelings about city’s built on swamps, we’re rooting for Orlando’s downward momentum to continue, down like all their metropolis will sink into the marsh one day!   (7:00 PM, ESPN)

RESULT:   Atlanta   4-0       Almiron with a brace in the blowout

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Triple-header.

5.  Orlando Pride vs. North Carolina Courage – NWSL

North Carolina started to fall asleep at the wheel a bit there.  I guess that can happen when you’re running roughshod over an entire league.  But in beating Seattle last time out, the ladies of Courage bounced back from an embarrassing draw against Houston and worse loss at home to expansion Utah.

Orlando now occupies the revolving door here at is #B in the standings.  Losing at home to Houston in their last match can’t be giving them confidence with the league #1 coming to town.   (3:30 PM, Lifetime)

RESULT:   NCC   0-3

6.  Reno 1868 vs. Portland Timbers II – USL

#7 hosts #6 out West, two teams dogfighting to stay inside the playoff picture.

Reno’s record-breaking offense of last season has slowed mightily.  But they’re on a five-match unbeaten streak just the same, riding the backs of their defense now.

They’re catching Timbers II at just the right time.  They’ve lost to OKC and Colorado Springs their last two times out, two of the league’s weakest.

RESULT:   Reno   1-0

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Wow, all of mytwitfacespacebook.com dislikes Portland.

7.  Buriram United vs. Bangkok United – Thai League 1

Back on April 1, Bangkok Utd. lost a match.  They then rattled off 11 straight wins before getting only a draw in their last match.  This may not be a league most follow, but this is #1 hosting #B, and in a top 10 league in Asia to boot.  Noob will Track.

RESULT:   Buriram Utd   2-1      Home team gets the equalizer in the 86′!

Sunday

  1. Spain vs. Russia – FIFA World Cup

They’re the hosts and they advanced.  No reason for Russia to not be thrilled with how things have gone.  But now things are about to get very real.

Russia being ranked only #70 by FIFA is no accident.  #10 Spain is a whole different level than they faced in the Group Stage, and they got drubbed by just Uruguay last time out.

Spain have been hard to figure out.  They had that all-time fun match with Portugal to start the tournament that ended 3-3.  But didn’t put Iran away like they should’ve, and then only earned a draw against Morocco.  On the other hand, Noob’s aware they haven’t lost since summer -2016-.

All eyes are going to be on De Gea, the superstar goalkeeper for Spain who has suddenly started struggling mightily.  Russia scored a ton in their first two matches, so perhaps viewers will be treated to a stellar match.

RESULT:   Russia   1-1  /  3-4 pk

Image result for de gea funny

 

David De Gea.

Alpaca.

Noob needs no reason.

  1. Toronto FC vs. New York Red Bulls – MLS

It’s getting harder to believe that star-laden Toronto will make a push for the playoffs.   They’re only six points in back of 6th-place Philly for the last playoff spot in the Eastern Conference, but 10th place gives them too many teams to leapfrog.  They can’t achieve any kind of rhythm match to match – a hard-fought 1-2 loss at touch NYCFC, but preceded by a high-scoring home draw versus a poor D.C. side… they’re a see-saw.

Red Bulls have been more consistent in league play.  Must be why they’re 3rd place and playoff-bound seemingly.  They did have a weird gaffe losing to Philly two matches ago, but that was on the road and in the U.S. Open Cup, not league play.  NYRB can overtake NYCFC for #B in the table with a win today.

RESULT:   NYRB   0-1

  1. Chicago Red Stars vs. Washington Spirit – NWSL

The Spirit are going to finish in 2nd to last.  They’re way up on dreadful Sky Blue FC, way behind the surprisingly-surging Houston Dash.  So today s about 5th-place Chicago, one spot out of the playoffs.

Red Stars have been making some hay in a favorable part of their schedule, have climbed to within a point of the two teams ahead of them tied for 4th.  Three more points today would serve them particularly well before the go get stomped in North Carolina next time out.  Washington shouldn’t be able to score on them today.

RESULT:   Chicago   2-0

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Yeah, Noob’s still picking Chicago to win.

’10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday soccer matches – MLS, Isle of Sodor Cup, and then to hinterlands barely known!

TGIGF!

It’s our day of respite from the World Cup.  The Group Stage has concluded and Knockout Round matches won’t start until tomorrow.   Hey, just more time for Noob and Noobites to do their usual jetsetting!

As always, we’ll start in locales at or closer to home, then the world is our oyster to explore!  Wait, that’s not right.  Exploring oysters.  Sounds like a sketchy euphemism.  No matter – to the sportsball!

  1. Minnesota United vs. FC Dallas – MLS

Noob wonders which team can right their recently-foundering ship today.

Dallas had been on a five-match winning streak and eight-match unbeaten streak before having to travel to Western Conference #1 Kansas City and red-hot New York Red Bulls.  Defense has been a bit of a bugaboo for them all year, and it failed them on the road trip.  They’re still #B in the West though.

Minnesota United is in 9th, but it’s hard to say they’re really in the Playoff hunt.  There’s a fair-sized gap in the table forming between the bottom four and the rest of the pack.  Even though they’ve won five matches (that’s ok), they have the almost the worst goal differential in the league (that’s ungood).

MNU have lost three consecutive league matches, mostly through lack of offense.  Forward Ethan Finlay appears out for the season, so that’s no bueno.   (8:00 PM Eastern ESPN+)

RESULT:   Dallas   0-1

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This was the first image Noob found when Googling “no bueno funny”.

I don’t like to usually go blue here, but wow.

B.  Dryaw vs. Cabalnoo – Isle of Sodor Cup

It’s the last day of Group Stage matches in the inaugural FA Cup on Sodor!  All four matches today have direct impact on Group winners and Knockout Round berths.   Here’s how things break down for this Group Number B clash:

Cabalnoo — #B in the Group, trailing Kirk Ronan by three in the table, but ahead of them on goal differential.  Win the match, win the group.  Earn a draw, advance as the Group runner-up.

Dryaw – They trail Cabalnoo by three in the table, but are down by six on GD.   Win by four goals, advance as Group runner-up.  Win by three, and they’ll draw lots to decide who moves on to the Knockout.

So far, Dryaw has been in low-scoring affairs, while the Cabalnoo matches have been wide open ones.  One would think advantage to Cabalnoo then, yet Sudric pundits tell me Dryaw is set to break out and can make the comeback.  It’s also worth remembering that defense isn’t particularly prized on Sodor in general.

Oh, and by “pundits”, Noob means various resident or long-visiting authors with whom he’s been drinking.  This is why Noob chose Dryaw for the final stop of the Group Stage tour today.  I get an extra day to drink and cause mayhem with other writers.

Many have made this large-ish village home for extended periods.  The Rev. W. Awdry and his son Christopher both did, though at different times.  CYOA fantasy fiction and magic-realism author Dan Heck, former The Fall Guy actor and now-screenwriter Douglas Barr, and poet Ronald Wallace are all here imbibing with me.   Joseph Tidy’s in my all-time fave watering hole.

RESULT:   Cabalnoo   5-10

Image result for Douglas Barr drinking

 

You want to drink with Mr. Barr/”Howie Munson”. 

Man has his own vino, owns Hollywood and Vine Cellars.

  1. Dundalk vs. Cork City – League of Ireland Premier

It’s a two-horse race for the league title in Ireland.  Defending champs Cork City have more wins, but trail Dundalk by a point in the table.  Both are on HYOOJ winning streaks.  Cork City won the last matchup between these two at their place, 1-0.   Cork are better on both sides of the ball, but if they want the trophy, today is the day to show it.

RESULT:   Dundalk   2-1    Winner scored in the 90′

  1. Lincoln Red Imps vs. Ditra – UEFA Champions League

This is the Preliminary Round.  League champs from the lowest-ranked leagues in Europe play for one slot in the next Qualifying Round.

A couple days ago, Noob featured Kosovar club Drita winning their first match here.  Now they play the Red Imps in a true road game in Gibraltar.  The winner gets to play 2017 Swedish league champions Malmo.

RESULT:   Drita   1-4

 

Fun Fact:  After Gibraltar entered FIFA in 2014, these guys were the nation’s first to play in UEFA Champions League

  1. Vega Real vs. Atletico SF – Dominican Republic Liga Mayor

Welcome to the Track!   Don’t think we’ve ever featured a match from here before.   We need to know all our CONCACAF neighbors.

Four teams will make the Final Series, vie for the title at season’s end.  Vega are in a three-way tie for 4th.  ASF lead the league, though not by much at all.  They sport the best offense in the country and the second-best defense.  This should be one of the most competitive matches anywhere today.

Fun Fact:   La Vega was one of the most important cities in the Western world circa 1510 thanks to gold discovered there.

RESULT:   ASF   2-3

  1. Gor Mahia vs. SoNy Sugar – Kenya Premier

Kenya’s has not been one of the stronger leagues in Africa, but they’re climbing into the CAF rankings (top 28).  Here, we get to meet the runaway #1 club and watch them almost certainly pummel the league #17.

GM score nearly half again as much as anyone else in the league.  Their defense is only matched by a few clubs that score barely of third what today’s hosts do.

RESULT:   GM   1-0

Image result for Gor Mahia funny

 

Fun Fact:  That’s not a hole in this GM fan’s shirt.  That’s an official iron-on image.

 

The Management:   Noooooob

*covers ears* la la la la la la

  1. Cheng Fung vs. Policia – Macao Premier

4th hosts 7th in the #33 (of 46) -ranked league in the AFC.  CF isn’t a threat to get win the league and Policia aren’t in danger of Relegation.  Still, this would be an entertaining match to watch.  The hosts average two goals per game and the visitors give up three typically.

Fun Fact:  Cheng Fung plays in Taipa, an island connected to Coloane by an artificial landfill.  (OK, not the funnest fact…)

RESULT:   CF   4-0

  1. Al Shorta vs. Naft Maysan – Iraq Premier

Iraq’s top flight sits just outside the top 10 in Asia.

Al Shorta are in 4th, not quite a threat to the league leaders or to get the one AFC Champions League berth assigned here.  They’re probably the second-most talented team, but they can’t quite to seem finish off deals, already having ten draws.  Naft Maysan are down in 10th.

RESULT:   Al-Shorta   2-0

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Fun Fact:  Al-Shorta are the police-sponsored team in Iraq.

  1. Vakinankaratra vs. Elgeco Plus – Madagascar Champions League

The best Malagasay league doesn’t show in in CAF rankings.  But hey, they’re playing!  These are the #1 and #B clubs in Zone C, one of four equal divisions.  They’re just three games into their season.

Fun Fact:   Vakinankaratra stole letter A’s from my best Scrabble set and Noob wants them BACK!

The Management:   Nooooooob….behave!

No, not the wire coat hanger!  I’m not baring my shoulders for that again.

RESULT:   E.P.   0-1

  1. Inter Club vs. JS Poto-Poto – Congo Ligue 1

This is not to be confused with the stronger Democratic Republic of Congo domestic league, which is top four in Africa.  This league is #10, if not because of these two teams.  They’re ranked 11th and 12, respectively.

Inter are a little better than their current table position, should be able to score multiple times against Poto-Poto, who struggle at keeping the ball out.

Fun Fact:  Current NBA basketball player Serge Ibaka played with Inter Club’s basketball team as a teenager.

RESULT:   Inter   1-0

Image result for Serge Ibaka waving

 

 

So long for now, from Noob and Serge!

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition (6/26-28) soccer matches – World Cup, Isle of Sodor Cup, and a surprise!

Noob’s going to tease out the Midweek Edition match previews day by day.

Tuesday

  1. Denmark vs. France – FIFA World Cup

FIFA 7th-ranked France are already through to the Knockout Stage.  #12 Denmark is just two points back, would overtake them with a win today.  That said, Denmark only need a draw to advance.  If they lose, Australia knock them out of the tournament with a big enough win over Peru.  Noob is curious to see if Denmark will risk the loss to try and win the Group for better Knockout Stage-seeding.

France’s Mbappe became the youngest player ever to score at A World Cup in their last match (he’s 19).  A worthy Denmark note is they’ve decided to start their backup goalie Madanda.

And there you have it, Noobites!   Mini-preview success, enough info to get you through water cooler-level chat on the biggest match tomorrow.  now go, be free!  Join Noob in exploring as much in-depth pregame analysis out on the interwebs as your hearts may desire.    (10:00 AM Eastern, Fox)

RESULT:  0-0      And Peru topped Australia, so these two favorites have advanced

Image result for water cooler funny

B.  Killdane vs. Glennock – Isle of Sodor Cup

Every team in Group G has a win and no draws as they head into their third and final matches.  High drama!

Glennock have a ghastly minus six goal differential, have to notch a win today for any chance to advance.  Killdane trails Junction and Sheds by just one In the GD tiebreaker, and leads Ulfstead by just one.  A draw guarantees them nothing today.

Killdane surprised bigger J&S with a 1-5 thumping in their last match.  Qualifier-Glennock eked one out their win over Ulfstead.  Defense isn’t much part of the Suddric soccer DNA, but look for the home side to really push today, score early and often, try to put it out of reach by halftime.

RESULT:   Glennock   0-2      And Glennock is through!   The only question is whether they’ll finish #1 or #B in Hroup G

Image result for unique tiny bed and breakfast

 

Noob’s B&B treehouse in Killdane.

It’s a small village, even by Sodor-standards.

  1. Santa Coloma vs. Drita – 2018-19 UEFA Champions League

Wait, CL already?   You betcha!   The four domestic champions from the four lowest-ranked leagues in UEFA play in this Preliminary Round for one slot in the Qualifying Round.

Santa Coloma are out of Andorra, while Drita are the Kosovo champs.  Noob thought we’d track this one since Kosovo and football have been part of the news together.  Swiss players of Albanian descent have been making the double-eagle sign on the pitch at World Cup, seemingly supporting the disputed nationhood of Kosovo.  The match between the champs from Gibraltar and San Marino is of the same importance really.

RESULT:   Drita   0-2    The Kosovars are through to this Round’s final where they’ll face Gibraltar’s Lincoln Red Imps.  Drita scored two extra period-goals for the win.

Wednesday

  1. Mexico vs. Sweden – FIFA World Cup

All four WC matches today have direct implications on which teams will advance from Groups E and F.  (When pods of four play just a single round-robin, not unexpected, Noob understands.)  We’ll focus on the one involving a CONCACAF team that can advance.

Sweden and Germany trail Mexico by three points and two in the goal differential-tiebreaker.  For “El Tri” to not make the Knockout Stage, Germany has to pound South Korea and Sweden win this one by multiple goals.

Andres Guardado hasn’t scored from his midfield position during this tournament, but he’s the Captain and the player to watch today.  Mexico will play for the win, but possession time will be a critical, particularly is Sweden happen to be in the lead late in the match

Ola Tovoinen for Sweden had a brutally bad year in Ligue 1 in France, but has already scored in Russia.  Look for him to be involved if Sweden is to register three points today.   (10:00 AM, Fox, Telemundo)

RESULT:   Sweden   0-3     So both these teams are through to the Knockout  Stage, Sweden winning the Group.  

Perhaps the biggest news is that this means defending champion-Germany is out.  They lost to lowly South Korea 0-2 today.

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Guardado’s coif has never even heard of Fabio’s flowing locks.

  1. Wellsworth vs. Castle Rolf– Isle of Sodor

Like World Cup, the Group Stage is getting to its climactic end.  With one match left for everyone in Group E, no one has yet been eliminated or procured advancement to the Knockout Stage.  High drama!

Tiny little Wellsworth – expected to be a doormat in the coming league Second Division – lead Castle Rolf and Warwick by two in the table.  If they can even hold onto a draw today against future Premier Leaguers Castle Rolf, they move on.  That same said draw would guarantee Castle Rolf nothing.  Nor does a loss mean that they won’t move on.

Check out the table on the IoS Cup Page near top right of this site’s main Page.  Just remember that goal differential is the first and only tiebreaker before they just flip a coin.  (Goal differential and total goals scored wouldn’t be equitable because the matches are not on neutral grounds.)

RESULT:   5-5     The draw is enough to put Wellsworth through to the Knockout Stage., though not necessarily as Group winner.  

If Harwick and Suddery draw in the Group’s final match, Castle Rolf will almost certainly still advance on GD.  If either wins, that club will advance and knock. C.R. out.

  1. FC Sheriff vs. FC Milsalmi Orhei – Moldova National Division

Welcome to the #33 (of 55) -ranked league in UEFA!

These two finished #1-#B last season and occupy the same positions today.  Sheriff is the country’s primary powerhouse though.  They’ve scored a third again as many goals as any other team in ’18.  But the Red Eagles trail them by just three in the table.  The season here is about a third of the way through.

RESULT:   0-0

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Is that tourist carrying a bowling ball bag?

  1. Suduva vs. Zalgiris Vilnius – Lithuania A Lyga

What’s that you say, you enjoy #1/#B matchups and demand more?  Ask and receive, Noobites!

This league’s over halfway done and Suduva are stating to cruise, eight points up on the movie bad guy-named club in the world.  Zalgiris Vilnius needs to get ahold of some kryptonite and battle Superman in a movie theatre near Noob before too long.  Suduva are the real bad boys though – best O and D in the league.

RESULT:   Z.V.   0-1

Thursday

  1. England vs. Belgium – FIFA World Cup

These two have both already qualified for the Knockout Stage.  The question is which will get the superior seeding that comes from winning Group G.

They are tied in every way down to the seventh criterion, which is Fair Play.  If they tie today, England has the lead – barely.  But if they are naughtier than Belgium (yellow and red cards), they could still lose on this tiebreaker.  If they end tied in that regard as well, then there will be a drawing of lots.   That would be epic!

There seems to be some question as to whether England will start superstar Harry Kane, who has five goals in the WC so for.  They may rest him for the next round.  Two of Belgium’s biggest stars – Eden hazard and Lukaku – both were injured in their last match against Tunisia.  They may not be serious ouchies, but Belgium still could rest them, too.

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Andre demands Fair Play.

  1. Panama vs. Tunisia – FIFA World Cup

“Proshchay”, Panama and Tunisia.  Noob gives you propers for this, your last match before heading home.  These are Group G’s two point-less sides.

Kazri got both a goal and an assist in Tunisia’s last match.  If they are to end their 40-year streak of no WC wins, he will be involved.  For Panama, their celebrated player now is Baloy.   He got them their only goal in their last game, their first in this their first WC ever.

  1. Ulfstead vs. Junction & Sheds – Isle of Sodor Cup

And we stay in Group G.  Hello from Ulfstead!  Glennock lead this Group and have qualified to advance to the Knockout Stage already.

These two are #3 and #2, respectively – tied on points in the table, J&S up on goal differential.  So here’s the sitchie:   If they draw, Glennock wins the Group and J&S is #B.  If either team here wins, that team is the Group G winner and Glennock advances as #B.

If they play as they have so far, Ulfstead will try to keep the score low.  There’s a better-than-average chance of rain in the forecast, which could play a critical role toward that.  J&S like to run, run, run.  This is their first road match, so it will also be interesting to see if they handle hostile territory well.  Well, it’s Sodor.  Not “hostile”, but still.

Quirky note about Ulfstead — the Earl of Sodor position is based here, in NW-central Sodor.  But the name of the family line that holds it is “Norramby”, the name of a seaside resort village on the east coast.

Restored mine tipple in Nuttalburg (West Virginia) #wvtq

So long from Ulfstead!  Here’s Noob’s B&B — a restored and converted mine tipple.

(Slate is still quarried in the general area.)

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Relegation Monday! Plus World Cup, Isle of Sodor Cup

The ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.  It’s what we do.

Monday, we hit the few big games on the slates, then turn out attention to teams about to possibly be dropped from their leagues for putrid performance.  Relegation Monday!

  1. Iran vs. Portugal – FIFA World Cup

Time to start the third and final matches in Group B!

Iran is in 3rd and must win today to advance, despite being only one point behind Spain and Portugal both.  One of their best players has yet to break out and score, Sardar Azmoun.  He plays in the Russian Premier League, one of the top ten in UEFA.

Portugal would advance with even a draw.  It will be interesting to see what pace, how defensively they play.  They are tied with Spain on both points and goal differential, but behind on the next tie breaker (“Fair Play’ points).  Will Cristiano Ronaldo & Co. push for a win and hope Spain can’t beat already-eliminated Morocco?  Winning the Group makes a difference in where a team is seeded for the Knockout Stage.

And there you have it!  Mini-preview success.  Just enough to get you through water cooler-chat.  Now go, be free!  Noob will be searching out deeper pregame analysis, invites you to do likewise, Noobites.  Our education is important.   (2:00 PM Eastern, Fox, Telemundo)

RESULT:   1-1    Portugal advances, though Spain wins the group by virtue of the second tiebreaker (total goals scored, 6-5).

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He learned footyball powers.  

We can, too.

B.  Suddery vs. Wellsworth – Isle of Sodor Cup

Ah, the Capital.  it’s good to be back.   You are deserving of the distinction of Number B.

These are the last two teams to be playing their second of three Group Stage matches.  So far, every match in this Group has ended in a draw, so the action is hot.

Suddery will likely start in the Premier division this coming and first-ever league season on Sodor.  They aren’t expected to do better than midtable.  In future years, that could get worse, too.  Word already is that the Capital will have a second club before long.

Wellsworth are expected to play in the Second Division, yet probably be a relegation candidate.  Small town.

RESULT:   Wellsworth   3-4      Check out the Isle of Sodor Cup Page link near the upper right of the home page for standings.

Image result for The Rover's Return Isle of Man

 

 

Noob enjoyed drinking tonight with blind-Jeff Daniels and this other guy at Rover’s Return, Suddery.

  1. Thor Akureyri vs. Stjarnan – Iceland Cup

It’s the Quarterfinal knockout round in this FA Cup.  Thor Akureyri are one of two second-division clubs still playing.  They’re in 4th in their league.  Perennial power Stjarnan are #B in the Urvlasdield (top flight).  The home side’s name may sound cool, but they’d do well to keep this within a goal today.

RESULT:   Stjarnan   1-2

  1. Dinamo Brest vs. Gorodeya – Belarus Premier

Welcome back, Gorodeya!  Still in last place, Noob sees.  Good news though.  With a win, you’d climb over two clubs and out of the Drop Zone, for the moment.   A draw is far more likely though.  Why?  Midtable Dinamo Brest has earned draws in seven of their twelves games.

RESULT:   DB   5-2

 

 

Loving the font particularly

  1. Mariehamn vs. Kemi – Finland Veikkausliga

Kemi are in second-to-last place.  Whichever team finishes there will play a second-tier club for the right to play top-flight in 2019.

Mariehamn are one of the clubs that could end up there as well, just one spot higher in the table.  The home team today favors a higher-scoring game, so look for multiple goals both ways here.

Fun Fact:  The Kemi Kings have finished as high as 8th in Finland’s FA Cup

RESULT:   Mariehamn   2-1

  1. Pulau Pinang vs. PDRM – Malaysia Premier

Don’t be confused by the name – this is one of countries that uses “premier” to denote their second-highest league (“Super League” being higher).

Pulau Pinang are sort of in second-to-last.  Kuantan FA have been disqualified from play for financial issues, are listed with zero points, and appear set to be Relegated because of that.  P.P. can’t score, plain and simple.  PDRM are tied for #B, but have overachieved so far.   Could an upset be brewing?

RESULT:   Pinang   3-1     It’s a Relegation Monday miracle!

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Pinang Ultras Panthers supporters group throw toilet paper rolls on the pitch pregame traditionally.

  1. Aral Nukus vs. Xorazm – Uzbek Pro League A

Second-level Uzbek ball?  Yes, please!  Hey. They’re playing.

The league has just nine teams, yet two will be giving The Boot at season’s end.  Aral Nukus are in last.  Wanna know what’s Malay for “defense”?  Don’t ask Noob.  And don’t ask this club.  They’re the worst in that regard, and it’s not close.  Xorazm are midtable.

Fun Fact:   Aral Nukus played in the Soviet Second League for a deacde in the ’70s and ’80’s.

RESULT:   Xorazm   0-3

  1. Norin vs. Mash’al – Uzbek Pro League A

Double dip!  Norin are just a point ahead of Aral Nukus in the table, also in position to get moved down to Pro League B.  They will get housed by the league #1 today.  Worst offense, second-worst defense.

RESULT:   Norin   2-1    An even mightier Relegation Monday miracle!

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Norin’s Namangan region is famous for the  Beqasam (silk type) national dresses.

  1. Yozyovan vs. Lokomotiv BFK – Uzbek Pro League B

Hey, if you find a La Liga, Bundesliga, or English Premier match Noob’s not seeing on the world slate, lemme know.  Pretty sure they’re still in off-season.  So to the third tier we go!

This league is nine teams as well, also with two teams guaranteed to get moved down to the Regional Leagues.  BFK are in last, don’t look statistically like they have it in them to rise more than a spot in the table at best.  Fun-to-say Yozyovan are pretty average.

Fun Fact:   The Fergana Region where the village Yozyovan is located borders both Kyrgyzstan and Tajikistan

RESULT:   Yoz   2-1

10.  Matchakhela vs. Aragvi Dusheti – Georgia Liga III

Welcome back, last place-Matchakhela! The Track has missed you.  Still figuring out the rules, Noob sees.  Try scoring.  At all.  This will improve your chances.  #13 (of 20) Dusheti at home might be the best win you’re capable of snaring this year.

RESULT:   Dusheti   2-3

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The ancient Roman fortress Gonio in Matchakhela’s base town is rumored to be the burial place of the Apostle Matthew.

’10 to Track’ Weekend Edition (6/23-24) soccer matches – World Cup, Isle of Sodor Cup, MLS, NWSL y mas!

Join Noob for ten of the most important soccer matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.  And for my on-site, seemingly exclusive online coverage of the inaugural Isle of Sodor Cup!

Saturday

  1. South Korea vs. Mexico – FIFA World Cup

South Korea lost their first match to Sweden here in Group, while Mexico stunned Germany 1-0.  They are ranked 57th and 15th in the world, respectively.

South Korea have a central midfielder who’s been playing for English Premier club Swansea City –Ki Sung-yeung.  Mexico may well decide to attack more from the edges so he’s not such a factor.

Mexico’s goal in Game One game from Hirving Lozano.  Can he strike again?

There you have it, Noobites!   Snack-sized preview to get you at least through water cooler chat.  noob will not have hurt feelings if you know go in search of even deeper pre-game analysis.  I’m going to certainly.  We learn, we grow.   (11:00 AM Eastern, Fox, Telemundo)

RESULT:   1-2   Mexico      No one is quite through or quite out yet, but these two are nearly so

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B.  New York Red Bulls vs. FC Dallas – MLS

Dallas have pulled into a tie for 1st place in the West with Kansas City.  Their five-match win streak is surely impressive.  It’s worth noting that the road wins have come against softer teams, because NYRB ain’t one.

Red Bulls bring the heat like anyone outside of Atlanta Utd.  They’re in 4th in the Eastern Conference, and have played one to three matches fewer than all the clubs ahead of them.  It’s strange.  They struggle some against teams from their region (except NYCFC), lay waste to most others.  If you like trends, put your money on the home side today.   (6:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT:   Red Bulls   3-0

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Number B, you are so money.

  1. LAFC vs. Columbus Crew – MLS

Our MLS undercard is hardly that as the conferences’ #3’s face off.

LAFC’s one recent league win was against league lowbies San Jose, and they needed two goals in the 90’ to achieve that much (3-4).

Columbus haven’t won since May, yet have mostly earned draws since that time to keep them well afloat in the table.  Their superb goalkeeping was bound to come back to earth a little after an amazing spring stretch. Can Zach Steffen recapture the magic?   (10:30 PM, ESPN+)

  1. Seattle Reign vs. North Caroline Courage – NWSL

It’s #B versus #1!   That will always have a certain luster.  Yet make no mistake, Seattle is a big underdog at home to the locomotive that is NCC.  The league’s only about a dozen games in and the Courage already lead by 11 points in the table.

Still, Seattle hasn’t conceded a goal in three straight matches, and NCC actually let lowly Houston draw with them their last match.

RESULT:   Courage   1-4

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Umm…thanks, Chuck!

  1. Junction & Sheds vs. Killdane – Isle of Sodor Cup

Junction & Sheds (Knapford) aren’t expected to be quite as strong as Knapford Town in the inaugural IoS Premier League coming in a few months, but they’ll be plenty competitive.  They’re one of three teams here in Group G with three points, so simply getting a draw today would hardly guarantee them advancement to the Knockout Round.

Killdane already knocked of a future Premier side in Ulfstead, so they won’t be intimidated.  Perhaps they should be though.  J&S won that first match of theirs by a Cup-largest margin of seven goals (1-8).  Killdane are expected to be a midtable side in the Second Division.

RESULT:   Killdane   1-5!     All of Group G is knotted up at three points apiece with just a match to go each.

Sunday

  1. England vs. Panama – FIFA World Cup

#55 FIFA-ranked Panama needs at least a draw to stay alive in Group G.  A win would guarantee #12 England advancement to the Knockout Round, though they’d need a big one to pass Denmark on goal differential for the Group lead.

England had a sensational first half against Tunisia, likely should’ve won by more than 1-2 as they did.   In all recent major tournaments, they struggle early and often, so “The Three Lions” are thrilled to have a W already.

Panama played a very, very physical style against Belgium, leaving things tied 0-0 at the half before Belgium solved them for a 3-0 win.  England should handle them, but this will be a different challenge presented.

Oh, and England’s coach dislocated his shoulder somehow.   And there you have it!  Mini-preview to get you through water cooler chat-level convo for tomorrow’s biggest WC match.  Now go, be free!  Explore more in-depth pregame schtuff if you are so inclined.  Noob will.  We’re all learning.   8:00 AM Eastern, FS1, Telemundo)

RESULT:   England   6-1

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  1. Atlanta United vs. Portland Timbers – MLS

Atlanta are perhaps the best team in all the league, and currently sit atop the Eastern Conference.  There can be little doubt Portland are the hottest team.  They had a rough start to 2018, but are now unbeaten in ten straight and are 6th in the West.

It’s the defense that’s got both clubs in playoff slots in the table.  The back lines are key for both sides.  Neither goalkeeper is in the top ten in saves, but ATL’s Brad Guzan has more in today’s matchup.  He played nine seasons in the English Premier League.  Can he keep a clean sheet today?   (4:30 PM, Fox)

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Kirk Ronan vs. Dryaw – Isle of Sodor Cup

Cabalnoo lead Group B, stunningly, are the only one of the four with a win.  All others have ties here, so if either can win this match outright today, we have a real race on our hands.

Dryaw had a weird, scoreless match with Norramby in their first and only match so far.  Defense isn’t a very Sudric thing in football.  Even given that, the ten goals Kirk Ronan conceded against Cabalnoo still has our heads shaking.  Perhaps at home the larger Churchmen club can right things.

RESULT:   Kirk Ronan   4-3

Image result for unique church isle of man

 

Eeriest B&B in the world might be the original Ronan church (“kirk”) where Noob is staying.

  1. Kairat Almaty vs. Astana – Kazakhstan Premier

#B versus #1!   And in a way it’s even tighter.  Kairat Almaty are only five points behind the traditional league power and they’ve played two fewer games.  More, they’ve only lost once.  Astana has already taken two L’s.

Still, Noob’s not ready to call this one for the home team.  Astana would feel fine about a draw and can control the ball enough to get it.

RESULT:   Astana   1-2

  1. BATE Borisov vs. Shakhtyor Soligorsk – Belarus Premier

BATE is the historic great from this domestic lead, and they’re #1 again now.  But #4 Soligorsk have the best defense in the league.  BATE have to be favored, especially at home – and with the best offense to boot.  Still, this could end up the surprise upset of leagues today.

RESULT:   0-0

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If Noob weren’t in Kirk Ronan, Sodor for the Cup, I’d be saying, “So long from beautiful Barysaw, Belarus!”

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Globetrotting Friday (6/22) – World Cup, Isle of Sodor Cup, and off to footyball hinterlands!

‘The ten most important soccer matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.’

On Fridays, that gets messed with.  We look at a couple matches that “matter” and then jetset off for wild and exotic football locales!  A little learning, a lot of fun, and you may just end up more edumuhcated than your soccer fan veteran friends.

Liftoff!

  1. Brazil vs. Costa Rica – FIFA World Cup

Welcome back to Group E!   All four teams have played a match now.  Serbia were the only to get a win, beating Noob-surrogates Costa Rica.  Brazil had a draw with the Swiss.

Costa Rica are the Noob choice for the Group Stage for the cheering.  They’re ranked almost right next to the U.S. worldwide, so seem a good surrogate for how ‘Muricuh might’ve fared.

There have been multiple arguments, with at least one broadcast live in their home country, between Costa Rica players since their first match in Russia.  Brazilian star Cutinho will likely be able to take advantage – or just win on having superior players.  They’re ranked #2 in the world for a reason.

There you have it, Noobites!   Just enough preview to get you through water cooler chat.  Now go, be free!  Noob will be reading more in-depth stuff on the interwebs in advance of the match.  Do likewise, should the Spirit move you.

RESULT:   Brazil   2-0    And with that, sadly Noob-fave Costa Rica is eliminated

Image result for water cooler chat funny

B.  Houston Dash vs. Portland Thorns – NWSL

*shakes fist at Houston*   Swamp City-builders!  You don’t build on marshland.  Noob and The Management stand against you.

OK, with that bit of oddity out of the way, second-to-last place Houston have taken advantage of three straight home matches to put some distance between themselves and Washington.  They’re even within striking distance of the top four and a postseason berth!  They beat Washington, surprised Seattle with a W, and then most impressively earned a draw against league champions-in-waiting North Carolina.

To compare, 5th-place Portland got dubbed 1-4 by NC.  In general, they are fading.  They need to find their offense again or will wind up the next Dash victim.

RESULT:   Portland   1-3

Image result for letter B swamp monster

 

 

Number B is here to scare some sense into you, Houstonians.

  1. Tampa Bay Rowdies vs. Penn FC – USL

For newer Noobites, let’s get real:   Often locale will trump “quality”.

TB and Penn are merely tied for 10thh in the Eastern Conference.   In Noob’s quest to himself learn and then in turn introduce you to soccer that could be most important to you, we’re going to get to know teams close to home.  Even when they’re potential also-rans in the second tier.

But hey — they’re only two points out of 8th and the league playoffs, so this is something of a key match!  If the match isn’t a draw, the mountain the loser has to climb gets really tough, even here at about the season halfway point.

The Rowdies are the better team, have the offense to perhaps make that move toward 8th.  At home, they should handle the team we knew last year as Harrisburg City.

RESULT:   Penn FC   0-2

  1. Arlesburgh vs. Brendam Harbor – Isle of Sodor Cup

Future Second Division Arlesburgh are the only team in Group D to net a win.  Any sort of result over one of the tourney-faves Brendam Harbor and they will be looking prime to advance to the knockout stage.

The Harbormen only managed a draw against D2 Lakeside in their first match.  They’ll be looking to break out the offense today and move toward the bracketed round.  They’re on the road for their second consecutive match, and so are slated to host their third and final one Arlesdale United.

Fun Fact:  Arlesburgh is perhaps the oldest settlement on Sodor.  As such, they have one of the largest supporter groups on Sodor – The Ancients.

RESULT:   Brendam Harbor  1-2

The fans dress like old people, stand entire matches.   The ones who look just middle-aged are, in fact, toddlers.

Image result for old people cheering

  1. Spartaks vs. RFS – Latvia Higher League

UEFA’s 41st-ranked league is strange in one regard:  About a dozen matches into the season, 1st and 5th place are separated by eight points.  5th and 6th are separated by twelve.

Spartaks are in 4th, but have played one less game than the two teams immediately ahead of them.  They are also the last team to beat #1 RFS.   The visitor’s today sport the best offense in the league.

Fun Fact:  FK Spartaks is closely identified as much or more with their Swimming School.

RESULT:   RFS   0-2

  1. Soccernet vs. FCI Levadia – Estonia FA Cup

The point here is just to know that the event is happening, really.  Both teams are from Tallinn The home side is from the 6th tier of Latvian domestic footyball.  FCI Levadia is one of the top-flight league powerhouses.

RESULT:   FCI Levadia   0-12       Words fail sometimes…

Image result for gif the more you know funny

  1. Than Quang Ninh vs. Sanna Khanh Hoa – Vietnam V.League 1

They’re all chasing Ha Noi in Vietnam for the only AFC Champions League slot the league receives.  They won’t be caught.  We’re still going!

#B hosts #4 in a very crowded part of the table.  Today’s visitors from Nha Trang have overachieved a little being even this high up.  Their negative goal differential gives them away.  TQN aren’t posers, might be the only team that could get a sniff at catching Ha Noi.

Fun Fact:   TQN have only two players who are not Vietnamese.  Both are Brazilian.

RESULT:   SKH   1-2

  1. EB / Streymur vs. KI – Faroe Islands Premier

Welcome to the track, Faroe Islands!   You’re an independent country that is somehow also part of the Kingdom of Denmark.  And we love you.  Despite or maybe even because you’re the 51st-ranked UEFA club of 55.

Unsurprisngly, Faroe Islands only get one team into the Champions League.  it’s a two-horse race, and KI are behind the league leaders by five in the table.  Matches against midtable teams like EB / Streymur are exactly the kind they can’t drop.  They likely won’t even, on the road.  KI is much better on both sides of the ball, can control this game no matter what sort of pace their hosts try for.

UnFun Fact:   In 2014, perhaps EB’s greatest player was killed when a bunch of boxes of frozen fish fell on him when he was on a trawler.

RESULT:   KI   0-2

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Too sad and weird for Noob to have made this one up.

  1. Voorwaarts vs. Inter Moengotapoe – Suriname Topklasse

Inter is sort of the best of the rest in Suriname.  The title chase is down to three teams nearly two dozen games into their season.  I.M. are 4th.  Voorwaarts are 9th.

Despite the country being not far off the Brazilian coast, this is a Caribbean-cultured nation.  And they are in CONCACF, not CONMEBOL.  Noob welcomes you to the track!

Fun Fact:   S.V. Voorwaarts was founded in 1919 by schoolkids from the Hendrickschool.

RESULT:   2-2

  1. Fosa Juniors vs. Meava – Madagascar Champions League

It’s an avalanche of newcomers to the Track today!    Good luck on your season that’s just starting.

This league is divided into four Groups.  These two finished in the middle of their zones last season.  That’s all Noob’s got for you on this one.  But they’re on our radar now, and we’ll be back to learn more some Friday soon.

Fun Fact:  Fosa Juniors are from the region of Boeny in the northeast, pop. around 800,000.

RESULT:   Fosa Juniors   3-0

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So long from scenic Arlesburgh, Isle of Sodor!

Be jealous of Noob’s eleveted B&B.

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition soccer matches (6/19-21) – World Cup, Isle of Sodor Cup lead the way

The ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game.  Noob’s mantra.  It’s mostly Cup action for the midweek, FIFA World and Isle of Sodor.

Noob’s on a whirlwind tour of Sodor, hustling from one village or town to the next each day for matches as I continue my seemingly exclusive online coverage.  To this end, I’m posting just the two feature matches for Tuesday from here in Glennock, even though the train ride to Crovan’s Gate for tomorrow’s key game isn’t long, even by Sodor standards.

Tuesday

  1. Colombia vs. Japan – FIFA World Cup

Welcome to Group G.  All four teams here play their first match today.  Favorite Poland face off against Senegal.  #16 FIFA-ranked Colombia is likely to be the other one to advance.  Japan are just #61 in the world.

Colombia seem an interesting case.  In the last friendlies before a major event, teams begin letting their likely starters play together.  No more auditions, so to speak.  They actually beat France not long ago, but then only managed scoreless draws against Tunisia and Australia leading up to WC.

Lowly Japan actually managed a win against a decent non-Cup-Bound Paraguay side in their last match.  They haven’t tested themselves against the caliber of competition they’ll face here in Russia, and they didn’t perform well even against those teams by and large.

And there’s your water cooler chat-level mini-preview!   Now go, be free!  Dig deeper on the interwebs for more in-depth pre-game analysis.  Noob will.  But this is what we do here.   (8:00 AM Eastern, FS1)

RESULT:   Japan   1-2     But anything is possible when one team is down a man after just three minutes!   Colombia lost a man to a red card for a handball in the box.  Japan scored the ensuing penalty, gave up the lead, then reclaimed it in the second half.  

Senegal also upset Poland 1-2 today in this Group, so it’s going to be a wild one!

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B.  Crovan’s Gate vs. Brendam United – Isle of Sodor Premier

Welcome back to Group A.  One of the event’s favorites – Brendam Utd. lost by a bad 0-3 margin, even if it was to fellow future IoS Premier Leaguers Tidmouth Works.  We’ll see if that was a wake-up call and they put a hurting on Crovan’s Gate.

CG only lost their first Cup match by two, but it was to Toryreck – a qualifier that will be in the bottom division when leagues’ officially form and kick off in a few months.  And CG gave up five goals.  They’ll be playing in the middle of three domestic divisions.

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Here Noob comes!

 

 

Wednesday

  1. Iran vs. Spain – FIFA World Cup

Portugal and Spain played a match for the ages a few days ago, ending in a 3-3 draw.  Spain will be looking for three points here against the second-highest ranked Asian team (but FIFA-ranked just #37).  Iran got a surprising 1-0 win over Morocco.  Even a draw somehow today keeps them very much alive to advance.

This is an interesting matchup for a couple reasons style- and player-wise.   Diego Costa scored two goals for Spain against Portugal, but may not have room to operate against Iran – a tight defensively-oriented side.  A more creative player like Isco may be one to watch setting up unique opportunities in the front third.

Spain showed some defensive problems in that first match.  Some will argue that might help Iran.  But Iran is going to have trouble possessing the ball at all to try and score as Spain presses.

And there you have it, Noobites!  Water cooler chat-level mini-preview success.  Now go, be free!  Noob is out there reading more in-depth preview analysis and invites you to do likewise.   (2:00 PM, Fox)

RESULT:   Spain   0-1      Isco was your Man of the Match with his ball control, passing

  1. LAFC vs. Sacramento Republic – U.S. Open Cup

The second four matches of the Round of 16 in America’s FA Cup are all today.  This is the one that features the only non-MLS side remaining.

Sacramento Republic are out of the second division-USL.  They finished 8th in the Western Conference last year, just making the playoffs.  This season, they’re in a surprising third place– despite some offensive trouble.

MLS-expansion LAFC is all the way up in 3rd as well in their West.    They struggle on defense, but score like it’s going out of style.  It’s unfortunate for Sacramento the draw for home pitch didn’t go their way.  This may not be competitive.  But everyone loves a Minnow (non-top division underdog), so Noob’ll be pulling for ‘em!

RESULT:   LAFC   3-2     High drama!   Equalizer at 68′, then the go-ahead by aptly-named Latif Blessing at 89′.

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Boooooo.  BOOOOO!

  1. Vicarstown vs. Peel Godred – Isle of Sodor Cup

Hello from Barrow, England!  Look, Noob enjoys Vicarstown the town, but somehow being in Barrow just makes me feel more… real, somehow.  Grounded?  Maybe.  But I’ll be crossing the bridge from Cumbria to The Isle for this super duper Group H matchup!

Group favorite Peel scored a narrow victory over future-second division club Callan FC 2-1.  Now they hit the road to face Vicarstown, a team that is expected to finish at the bottom of the coming Premier League.  They were upset 1-2 at Elsbridge in their first match.

Given that the nature of football play on Sodor has been so loosely organized, it’s hard to handicap games here.  Things will be clearer after a couple years of formal league play, which starts in a few months.  They don’t formally gamble on Sodor, but Noob did throw down a few quid on V-town just because it’s home for them.  Another advantage to sleeping on the English side of Walney Channel.

RESULT:   Vicarstown   5-1          And just like an Iranian fan’s wallet did the fire-trick which he used to try and light a cigarette at his teams World Cup match against Argentina today, a women’s whole purse went up when in a similar incident outside the venue.  High drama!

  1. O’Higgins vs. Colchagua – Copa Chile

Now here’s a Minnow-match!

This is the Second Round of Chile’s FA Cup, the stage at which the 16 Premier teams enter the competition.  O’Higgins is a midtable club from that league.

Colchagua plays in the Segunda Division – the third tier of football in Chile – where they are #B in the table.  These two are from the same geographic area and are very much rivals.   The first match of this two-legged tie ended in a 1-1 draw.  Expecting Colchagua to manage as much and more on the road today is a lot.  But here’s to hoping!

RESULT:   Colchagua   0-0  /  5-6 pk      Somehow Noob had some wrong info on this one.  The first match had ended in a scoreless draw.  Still — Minnow success!

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Uh oh.

Don’t let the luck run out of that horseshoe, boys.

  1. KuPS vs. HJK – Finland Veikkausliga

The Finnish top flight is the lowest-ranked of the Nordic domestic leagues.  But hey– they’re playing!

When Noob first scouted and selected this match, it was a mighty #B/#1 matchup.  Since then, RoPS have overtaken KuPS for Bth place (boy do the Finns love their alphabet soup).  No matter.  Everyone is chasing defending champs HJK again this season.

KuPS lead the league in offense, but barely over HJK – which has the far superior defense.   If the pace is hot, KuPS can win a shootout today in front of the home fans.

RESULT:   2-2

Thursday

  1. Argentina vs. Croatia – FIFA World Cup

One of the bigger stories early on has been that Iceland managed a draw against Argentina in their first match.  The good news for Argentina:  They dominated Iceland statistically.  The bad news:  This continues a trend of not performing well in recent months against WC-level competition.  Friendlies are only that, but patterns are hard to ignore.  The #5-ranked team in the world should be doing better.

Croatia took care of business against Nigeria with a 2-0 win in their first game.  Any result here puts them in excellent position to advance.  Look for them to try and keep the game slow-paced.

Key players:  If you’re following football at all, you know Messi.  Even Noob and Noobites.  Veteran Luka Modric (who plays for Real Madrid) is the name to watch for with Croatia.  He plays midfield.

Additional note:  Croatia sent a team member home after he refused to come on as a sub in their first match.  Not the biggest controversy, but any distraction can obviously get magnified at World Cup.

RESULT:   Croatia   0-3    Argentina may be about to be out of contention to advance!   Modric salted this one away with a screamer from above the box to make it 0-2.  

The first goal happened when back-up goalkeeper Cabellero failed to clear a back pass, instead lofting a little pass, basically, to an opposing player who howled it in.

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Noob hopes this is exactly how that played out.

  1. Colo-Colo vs. Atletico Ñublense – Copa Chile

Not to make it about Noob, but if you don’t think I’m not rooting for Ñublense forever and ever just because of their club name pronunciation, you’re cray-cray.

More, they stunned the famed powerhouse Primera club 2-0 in the first match of this two-legged tie!    The Longaniza Mecánica are currently in 4th place in the second-tier Primera B.  The other teams right around them look stronger there (they struggle a bit on offense), making their progress in the Copa all the more awesome.

Colo-Colo have also had problems scoring goals in league this season.  The defending champions are in just 6th.  Still, they’re in different leagues for a reason.  Colo-Colo will win at home today.  The question is simply will they win by enough to advance to the bracketed stage next.

RESULT:    Colo Colo   2-1      And so it’s Noob-lense that advances, on aggregate 2-3!

  1. Norramby vs. Cabalnoo – Isle of Sodor Cup

Noob loves Norramby.  Reminds me of Bournemouth, which is a Noob-fave club.  Little resort town of sorts.  They’ll be playing in the inaugural second division of the three formally starting next year on Sodor.

Cablalnoo is a small village, pretty close to far larger Kirk Ronan.  They will play in the bottom division, played through qualifiers to get here.  They got a surprising 5-5 draw against their larger rivals in their first match!  Norramby played Dryaw to a scoreless draw.  They don’t play a lot of defense on Sodor, so this is the anti-double rainbow of footyball happenings here.

So, Group B is wide open.  Can little ‘Noo surprise with another result today?

RESULT:   Cabalnoo   5-10    A Sudric suprise for the soccer ages!   Norramby really need the two middle teams in Group B to have a draw in their upcoming match.

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So long from the IsleSound Cafe, Norramby!  

 

’10 to Track’ Relegation Monday soccer matches – World Cup, US Open, Isle of Sodor, and suckitude!

Since the FIFA World Cup is likely bringing fresh Noobite eyes to this humble site, allow Nob to explain:

On Mondays, world soccer schedules tend to be lighter than other times.  Stands to reason, given the weekend is heavy.  So the usual ‘ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game – takes this turn:

A few top matches get featured, but we mostly embrace the suckitude, preview matches in which at least one club is in position to be Relegated to a lower league st season’s end.  Come, get to know some sad sack-squads before they fade away!

  1. Tunisia vs. England – FIFA World Cup

Welcome to Group G.  These two have been drawn with Belgium (the favorites) and Panama (very not favored).  This is the first match for these teams.  Reminder:  Round-robin in each Group, top two finishers advance.

The most likely drama in G is between these two for finishing behind Belgium and advancing to the Knockout Stage.  Tunisia is the top-ranked team out of Africa (FIFA #21).  England are tied for 12th with Denmark.

England have not won the World Cup since 1966, always seem to feel lots of pressure and then underperform in major tournaments.  This team isn’t as star-studded as some of the past, as they focus on a youth movement and defense.  What offense they do manage to produce will probably run through  Tottenham  Sir Toppem Hatt Hotspur star Harry Kane.  (Yes, Noob still loathes Hotspur — named for a historical traitor!)  Other star Marcus Rashford seems to be over his recent injury.

And there you have it, you’re water cooler chat-level mini-preview.  Be free!   Go search out more in-depth coverage should you desire, Noobites.  I’m doing so.   (2:00 PM Eastern, FS1)

RESULT:   England   1-2    Harry Kane with a brace (two goals)!

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You’re a poor man’s Ryan Gosling, Harry Kane.

 B.  Houston Dynamo vs. Minnesota United – U.S. Open Cup

The American FA Cup has reached its Round of 16.  Only one non-MLS team advanced this far, Sacramento Republic of the USL (and formerly NASL).

Here, we get two Western Conference clubs on the outside looking in right now for league postseason berths.  They’re in 7th and 9th place, respectively.  Dreaded Houston (down with cities built on swamps!) is much better than shown in the table so far though.  Mark Noob’s words:  They’ll not only make the playoffs, they’ll have home pitch advantage for at least one game.

Minnesota can’t score worth a lick.  They will be lambasted this Round of the Cup.

RESULT:   Houston   1-0

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Number B enjoys the Cup matches as a cup, of sorts.

  1. Glennock vs. Junction & Sheds – Isle of Sodor Cup

Noob’s exclusive coverage of the Isle of Sodor inaugural Cup returns!  Hello from the small village of Glennock, located well inland in the east-central portion of the country.  They are one of the four clubs to advance out of qualifiers that took place in the spring.  They will play in the third and bottom division of the Sodor football pyramid when everything launches this coming season.

The larger town of Knapford sends one of their two teams for battle today.  Talk Noob catches locally indicates J&S will probably be a lower midtable team in the coming Premier League.  They are the favorites to win Group F.

RESULT:   J&S   1-8     Kary Hanesworth scored for Glennock scored first, but after that it was all carnage

  1. Dinamo Minsk vs. Vitebsk – Belarus Premier

Belarus’ top league falls smack into the middle of UEFA’s associations rankings.  Usual powerhouse BATE Borisov have a wide lead built, given that they’re not halfway through their season.

The most likely club to possibly catch them appears to be #B Dinamo Minsk.  They’ve got the defense, but no one’s offense there measures up to BATE’s.  #4 Vitebsk isn’t many points further back, but they’re just not traditionally at the table’s top.

RESULT:   1-1

And now we embrace the suckitude with Relegation matches!

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Noob likes the crest, even if it does look like could be a brand logo on ice cream or something.

  1. Gomel vs. Smolevichy – Belarus Premier

Welcome back to the Track, Smolevichy!  They’re in an easier part of their schedule, as Noob recently featured them on a Monday playing another league bottom-feeder.

Talkin’ ‘bout you, Gomel.  Can’t score more than about a goal every three games on average, gonna get Relegated.  They’re in a three-way tie for the two Relegation spots now.  Still, this might be a gettable match for them.  Smolevichy plays small ball, so to speak, so this will be a low-scoring game.  First side to score – at all – wins.

Not-So-Fun Fact:  Gomel is close enough to Chernobyl that it was part of the radiation zone.  The population had been declining all the way until the early 2000’s.

RESULT:   Smoley   0-2

  1. Kyzylzhar Petropavlovsk vs. Shakhtar Karagandy – Kazakhstan Premier

My Scrabble dictionary just broke up with me for typing your club name.  Thanks, K.P.

The home side is tied for 10th, which would put them in a Playoff with a top second-division team trying to move up and usurp their place.  They also play so little defense, Noob’s not convinced they formally play a goalie.  Karagandy is in 8th.

Fun Fact:  Petropavl is named for the Christian apostles Peter and Paul

RESULT:   K.P.   1-0     Funner Fact:   It’s a Relegation Monday miracle!

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Fine, Noob will just rebound with a Bartlett’s Book of Quotations.

  1. Independiente de Valle vs. Deportivo Cuenca – Ecuador Serie A

8th place hosts second-to-last in our one South American stop today.  IdV is only 8th, but Cuenca…. maybe they could pool their money with Karagandy above and split a goalie’s services.   (8:15 PM, GOL TV)

RESULT:   IdV   3-1

  1. Notre Dame vs. BDF – Barbados Premier

When Noob Tweets his regular announcement promoting the Track, if you don’t think I’m not hashtagging Notre Dame, you’re crazy.

The top tier league in Barbados just expanded this season from a ten-team, single group affair to a divided, two-“zone”, 12-team league.   Noobs Barbados source indicates that the bottom two teams in each Zone are below a line.  It seems doubtful they’re giving a third of the league The Boot, so more likely is that the four clubs will have a mini-tournament to determine which one or two move down

If Notre Dame can kick their offense up a notch, they may overtake one of the two teams just ahead of them.  That won’t happen today though.  BDF is the Zone 2 leader by a billion miles.  Noob would handicap this match by granting ND four goals.

RESULT:   BDF   0-6     Not a typo.   At four goals, Noob didn’t handicap Notre Dame enough.  Yikes.

Fun Fact:   Notre Dame play on the south side of the capital, Bridgetown – which used to be called The Town of St. Michael.  The area parish still carries that name.

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Right, what she said.  Signed.  Whatever.

  1. Zakho vs. Naft – Iraq Premier

This is to Mondays in a row, Zakho.  In last by six points, Noob suspects you’ll be here enough I have to charge you rent.  Worse luck, you play the #4 and best defensive team in the league today.  Good luck with that.

Fun Fact:   “Zakho” might well mean either “victory” or “river of blood”, either likely stemming from an ancient Roman-Persian battle there.

RESULT:   Naft   0-2

  1. Shukura vs. WIT Georgia – Georgia Erovnuli Liga 2

Hey, Noob’s featured the third tier TWICE.  This is a step up in, er, toward relevance.

This league is strange.  Other than second-place Norchi Dinamo, every team here looks about the same on offense, statistically.  Last-place Shukura, however, seemingly enjoys just watching balls flutter by into their goal.  Only one team gets Dropped from this league at season’s end, and Shukura look like it by a wide berth.  #1 WIT Georgia will get the road W, riding their supreme defense.

Fun Fact:   Shukura are based in Kobuleti, a seaside resort town that’s super-popular with Armenian tourists.

RESULT:   1-1

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Were Noob not in Sodor, I’d be saying so long from Hotel Chveni Ezo in Kobleti.