Soccernoob

1. Spartak Moscow vs. Liverpool – UEFA Champions League

The Group Stage picks up momentum with mess of games today. Noob has chosen several that involve the biggest names in the tournament.   RESULT:   1-1

B. Manchester City vs. Shakhtar Donetsk – UEFA Champions League

Fun Fact: Man City was founded in 1880 as St. Mark’s (West Gorton). The local rectors daughter started is at a means to try and combat “scuttling”, the armed but non-lethal fighting between gangs. Their goal was typically to disfigure and maim with knives and very heavy belt buckles.  RESULT:   Man City  2-0

  Noob tries to run a clean house.  But MF is about the least disturbing thing here.

3. AS Monaco vs. FC Porto – UEFA Champions League

Were this boxing, this match between powers from Ligue 1 and the Portuguese Liga would be an awesome undercard.   Upset!   RESULT:   Porto   0-3

4. Borussia Dortmund vs. Real Madrid – UEFA Champions League

And here would be the Main Event. This could be the most important and exciting match of the day. That is, if Madrid doesn’t just sit on the ball, play for a draw– a common tactic by the visitors when two great teams meat early in a Group Stage.   RESULT:   Real Madrid   1-3

5. Apoel Nicosia vs. Tottenham Hotspur – UEFA Champions League

Tottenham Hotspur, Noob’s rage for you never wanes! Named for a traitor. May the Cypriots rise up and their home pitch and humble you!   Unhumbled.   RESULT:   Tottenham   0-3

   And that’s just what they do to peacekeeping forces.

6. Leon vs. America – Liga MX

8^th place hosts 2^nd in the most competitive slated match from this league today.

Fun Fact: Leon is ranked by IFFHS as the best club in North and Central America of the 20^th century.   Not played.

7. Al Hilal vs. Persepolis – AFC Champions League

Things are getting serious in Asia. This is the first leg of a semifinal tie between powers from Saudi Arabia and Iran. The winner will get either Shanghai SIPG or our own beloved, Adopted Urawa Red Diamonds.    RESULT:   Al Hilal  4-0

8. River Plate vs. Defensa y Justicia – Copa Argentina

An unfortunate draw for DyJ. There aren’t two-legged ties in this knockout tournament. River Plate is a big, big bully. Noob predicts a 3-0 drumming of the visitors.    Now slated for next Saturday

   Cruel and unusual.  And awesome!

9. Cardiff City vs. Leeds United – English Championship League

The second-tier league of the UK is actually ranked as high as 14^th in leagues across Europe. All leagues. And this matchup is a doozie. Cardiff and Leeds are 3^rd and 1^st respectively. The top two get automatically promoted to the Premiere League at season’s end. The next four down will have a playoff for the same privilege.    RESULT:   Cardiff   3-1

10. Bad Gleichenberg vs. Admira Wacker Modling – Austrian Cup

It’s only the second round of Austria’s FA Cup, and regional league-third tier BG doesn’t have much hope against a top flight squad even at home. But Noob is easily distracted by shiny things in his soccer infancy. I love these names.   Monster upset!    Bad Gleichenberg  3-1

   Now, let this random soccer image remain in your mind and distract you from whatever you go to do next.

1. Arsenal vs. West Bromwich Albion – English Premiere

12^th hosts 10^th in the only EPL game listed for this date.

Fun fact: 2003-04 marks the only time in league history any EPL team went undefeated. Arsenal went 26-12-0. Noob thinks it’s interesting they only happened to score more than four goals once in a season they dominated.    RESULT:   Arsenal  2-0

B. Tijuana vs. U.A.N.L. – Liga MX

5^th hosts 6^th place.

Fun fact: Tijuana’s football club used to be “gallos caliente” – roughly translating to “hot roosters”.  Game not played.

     That chicken struts like a harlot.

3. Real Betis vs. Levante – La Liga

9^th vs. 7^th is enough to get Noob’s attention on a Monday. The Spanish Premier will probably send six teams to European Leagues (CL, Europa), so Levante is in fair shape. That’s pretty sharp for a team that just won the Segunda B a year ago.    RESULT:  Real Betis  4-0

4. Estudiantes la Plata vs. San Lorenzo – Superliga Argentina

Estudiantes is a name you will see a lot, Noobites. Argentina is one of the powerhouse countries of South America (along with Brazil), and Estudiantes are the best team outside the league’s historically “great five” clubs. 3^rd hosts 7^th here.    Upset!    RESULT:   San Lorenzo  1-3

5. Astra Giurgiu vs. CFR Cluj-Napoca – Romania Liga 1

SWARAJ is the longest Scrabble-valid word ending in J in North American (minus Mexico) play. All caps denotes validity, but if an asterisk follows it’s a phony. A # after a word means it’s valid, but only in England and much of rest of the world, which use the Collins – or international English- dictionary. Noob’s full of surprises, interests.

4^th hosts 1^st place.   RESULT:   Cluj   3-2

   Alfred Mosher Butts invented Scrabble.

6. Cork vs. Dundalk – Irish Premier

Noob hasn’t had much reason to pay attention to this league. Cork’s been cutting through it like a chainsaw through butter. But they’re only actually playing good football in recent weeks, not great. Dundalk isn’t likely to catch them by season’s end, but they’re in 2^nd. And they won the country’s FA Cup.    RESULT:   1-1

7. Beroe vs. Levski Sofia – Bulgaria First Professional League

And so our football education continues! CSKA-Sofia and Ludogorets Razgrad are likely the only teams I’ve ever mentioned from this nation. These two are in 4^th and 5^th place respectively.

Beroe is actually an ancient name for the modern city of Stara Zagora. Christian history buffs will notice not similarity to the name “Berea”. Not a coincidence.    RESULT:   0-0

  T-shirt not for sale at the Creation Museum.

8. Anorthosis vs. Doxa Katokpoia – Cypriot First Division

To Cyprus! They’re not even five games into their current season, an arbitrary benchmark Noob typically adheres to for looking at standings. Until then, I revert to the previous season’s table (standings) and scout games involving teams from the top of it. 1^st hosts 5^th here.    RESULT: Anorthosis   2-0

9. Al Ahli Shandi vs. Al Ahli Khartoum – Sudan Premier

On light days like Mondays and Fridays, Noob goes globetrotting to find games form unheralded leagues. But you have our attention Sudan! For all your nations’s faults, your soccer league seems to put on more matches on more weekdays than any Noob’s found. 4^th hosts 3^rd place.  RESULT:  Shandi  1-0

  What made you think Noob was leaving you, Sudan soccer?  Wait wait wait, what the cuss kind of animal is that…

10. Tari’a Al Beja vs. Al Hilal – Sudan Premier

Sudan – don’t you quit on it! 10^th place vs. 2^nd. Al Hilal has yet to lose a match.   RESULT:   Hilal  0-1

1. Brighton & Hove Albion vs. Newcastle United – English Premiere

The one EPL game today pits teams promoted to Premiere just this season. Newcastle has surprised early, sitting wel in the top half of the standings. B&H can’t score, has fewer goalless than anyone except 0-fer everything Crystal Palace.   But all you need is one.    RESULT:  B&HA 1-0

B. Sporting Kansas City vs. L.A. Galaxy – MLS

Congrats from The Management to KC for a convincing U.S. Open Cup championship over New York Red Bulls. Noob, however, hopes you’re drunk on that particular success and get upset by a crappy L.A. Team in your own house.     They sobered up.    RESULT:  KC 2-1

   Midwest drunk be the right kind of drunk.

3. Atlanta United vs. Montreal Impact – MLS

Expansion 4^th place Atlanta continues to impress, and the fans are supporting it in town. I believe they just packed -70,000- into their new stadium. Montreal sits in 7^th, one slot out of the playoffs in the West, and should want no part of 4^th place ATL.    RESULT:  ATL – 2-0

   Is shared with NFL Atlanta Falcons.

4. Vancouver Whitecaps 2 vs. Phoenix Rising – USL

It seems like Noob is always posting expansion Phoenix games right next to MLS Atlanta matches. It’s been fun to watch new clubs do so well. Phoenix is in 5^th in the West, five points out of 4^th and the chance to host a league playoff game. Road wins are always tough to come by, but they need that and not just a draw against lowly VW2 to make that push.   Push.  Push it real good.   RESULT:  Phoenix  0-4

5. Seattle Reign vs. FC Kansas City – NWSL

The four-team playoff is nearly set. Seattle is one of three teams still alive for two unclaimed playoff berths. They need to win their last two matches to even have a shot at one.   Seattle can now make off-season plans.   RESULT:  KC  0-1

6. Etoile du Sahel vs. Ah Ahli Tripoli – CAF Champions League

One more semifinal slot remains to fill in Africa’s premiere club tournament. Noob’s rooting interest always falls anti-Tunisian teams, and so I’m disappointed Al Ahli couldn’t manage only a scoreless tie at home in the first leg of this tie. Sadly, du Sahel should salt this away quickly at home.    Salted.   RESULT:   du Sahel  2-0

   Tunisian student.   That’s dirty pool, interwebs.

7. Hobro IK vs. Brondby – Danish SAS-Ligaen

Hobro was just promoted to the country’s top flight league this season, and they sit in 3^rd. Brondby’s one of the big Copenhagen clubs and will be no easy meat.    Kayaking.  Tiny strokes.    RESULT:  Brondby  1-2

  Actual photo from Hobro’s sports club.

The Management would like to clarify that this is NOT an actual photo of… wait, what?

The Management would like to apologize for The Management’s interruption.  Our crack inter-webs staff informs me this actually IS said photo.  Back about your business.  Off with you now.

8. Royal Charleroi vs. Club Brugge – Belgium Jupiler League

#2 hosts #1 in a dandy matchup between a less-heralded side and one of the league’s two traditional powers.    Tradition.   RESULT:   Brugge  1-2

9. FC Salzburg vs. Austria Vienna – Austrian Bundesliga

#2 hosts #3.

In 2005, Red Bull makers bought then-club FC Austria Salzburg and the changed the name to match their sporting portfolio to include “Red Bull” in the league name, as well as changing the official colors and logo. Fans were so livid, many started a new club under the old name. It competes in the third tier of Austrian football.    RESULT:   0-0

10. Club Deportivo Cuenca vs. Emelec – Ecuador Premier

This league has first and second “phases” instead of the more traditional season segments of Apertura and Clausura. Same thing. It’s in the “segundo fase”, and the Fighting Bulls (morlacos) of Cuenca…who have a lion, -not a bull- on their crest…are in 2^nd place.   RESULT:  Emelec  0-2

    He KNOWS his animals.

1. Liga MX games continue to be postponed. My continued thoughts and prayers go out to everyone affected by the massive Mexican earthquake.

B. New York City FC vs. Houston Dynamo – MLS

Has enough time passed, have there been enough other natural disasters that Noob can go back to cheering loudly against ‘swamp cities’?

Houston’s been slipping and now sits in a three-way tie for the sixth and final playoff spots in the Western Division. On the road against a top Eastern club doesn’t hold promise for climbing the ladder.  RESULT:  1-1

    Fine.   Build cities like Houston on swamps if you have miraculous pets.

3. Columbus Crew vs. New York Red Bulls – MLS

5^th hosts 6^th in the East. Montreal’s the only team really threatening to possibly overtake either of them. If the Crew can hold serve and get three points, they will be -very- hard to catch.   Serve held.   RESULT:  Columbus  3-2

 

4. Real Salt Lake vs. Seattle Sounders – MLS

Salt Lake is having a stellar second half, climbing from the cellar all the way to 6^th place in the West. If there’s one soccer thing Noob detests more than swamp cities, it’s “royal” (real) teams. We’re not bedwetting Brits here. We’re Amuricuhn men!! Seattle is 4^th place Amuricuhn men.  RESULT:  RSL  2-0

   Just because you’re right doesn’t mean you don’t need to shuddup, interwebs.

5. Burnley vs. Huddersfield Town – English Premiere

Huddersfield played in the second-tier ECL last year, winning a playoff final for Promotion. It’s very early, but they’re a surprising 6^th currently. Burnley is league fodder, so H Town could get a result (win or draw) here.  RESULT:  0-0

   Xmas gift for Leeds fan-baby.

6. Atletico Madrid vs. Sevilla – La Liga

Everyone trails mighty Barcelona early, but these are two Champions League-level teams facing off for 2^nd place.  RESULT: Atletico Madrid  2-o

7. San Francisco Deltas vs. Edmonton FC – NASL

SF isn’t going to catch Miami for first. No one is. But remember: Not only do the Fall and Spring Seasons champs make the playoffs from this eight-team league, but the two clubs that get the most points in both seasons combined. And Edmonton’s starting to play more like they’re bad, Spring Season selves.    Closer than Noob thought it would be.  RESULT:  SF  2-1

  Edmonton mascot finished 2nd for being cast as Pennywise in “It” remake.

8. Tampa Bay Rowdies vs. Charlotte Independence – USL

**Noob fail** I am truly Noob. We are learning together. There will be mistakes. I’ve been saying since the start of this site that each division in this league gets six playoffs spots. Each gets eight.

5^th hosts 2^nd place in the East. So instead of this being a fight for playoff survival, it’s a chance to the Rowdies to make a move on a home field match in the league playoffs.   RESULT:  Tampa Bay  1-0

   Noob been Shattnered.

9. Wydad Casablanca vs. Mamelodi Sundowns – CAF Champions League

Last week, these two played the first leg of their quarterfinal tie, with WC getting an 0-1 road win. We learned a little about Wydad. Now for South African Club Mamelodi.

They are the defending CL champions, pwned by a billionaire mining magnate, and are nicknamed “The Brazilians” because their uniforms resemble those of the Brazilian National Team.  And they won the tie on penalty kicks after aggregate was 1-1.    RESULT:  Wydad  1-0

10. SJK vs. HJK Helsinki – Finland FA Cup

Finland is the weakest of the Laplandic countries when it comes to football. But Noob still hearts a Final! I think SJK is the defending league champion, but HJK is absolutely decimating it this season.   Champions!   RESULT:  HJK  1-0

   Ball’s in your court, rest of Europe!

My continued thoughts and prayers are going out to everyone affected by the Mexico earthquake.

1. and B. The two Liga MX games slated for these slots are postponed.

3. Real Monarchs SLC vs. Orange County SC – USL

There’s enough time for 9^th place Orange County to make a push for the playoffs (top six), but that feels unlikely to start against league juggernaut SLC. As a regular Noobite knows, Noob feels strongly about an American name with “royal” in the name. Down with the faux soccer monarchy! We will pillage and plunder the city of salt lake, and make them envy our democratic system!    Eight teams, not six, make the playoffs from each division.  The O.C. has climbed into a tie for the last slot.   RESULT:  0-0

    Cuss yeah.

4. T.N.S. vs. Llandudno Town – Welsh Premier

TNS ran away with this league last year, and is more or less picking up where they left off very early this season. LT was near the bottom, so their start at #1 is surprising and refreshing.    T.N.S. moves into a tie for first with the vanquished.   RESULT:  TNS  1-0

5. Shimizu S-Pulse vs. Sanfrecce Hiroshima – J1 League

It’s Friday nite – a typically lighter night for big games. Here, Noob takes us to near the bottom of the standings. Why? Important things still happen there. Three teams will be relegated to J2 League at season’s end. Hiroshima is in 4th-to-last.  Hiroshima stands now five points above the relegation line.   RESULT:   Hiroshima  1-3

And now a musical interlude even Hiroshima can enjoy.   Nagasakians please move on to #6.

 

6. General Diaz vs. Sportive Luqueno – Paraguay Premier

If you have a Noobite friend, make small bets on games like these. They’re fuhn! #3 hosts #4. Smart pesos will be on Diaz, even if you have to spot your pal a goal on the wager.   RESULT:  1-1

7. Club Sportif Sfaxien vs. FUS Rabat – CAF Confederation Cup

Welcome to Africa’s version of Europa League! Sfaxien’s actually been awesome the last 15 years and must be favored to advance to the semifinals. Morocco’s Rabat did win the first leg of the tie 1-0, so Noob holds out hope they can stave off the Tunisians.   But Rubat wins the tie on PK, moves on to semis.    RESULT:  Sfaxien  1-0

   You broke Noob’s “Star Wars” heart, Tunisia.

8. Al Masry vs. El Zemalek – Egyptian Premier

Two of last year’s top four league clubs. Noob’s certainly no polyglot, and isn’t knowledgeable on Arabic What gives with the seemingly different definite articles?    RESULT:  Zamalek  1-2

  That’s the…a…? way to say it.

9. Al-Faisaly vs. Al-Wehdat – Jordan League

Last season’s #1 hosts #3. Dizziness has abated. Matching definite articles.   Wehdat Nation success!    RESULT:  Al-Wehdat  1-2

    Jordan tries answering the implicit question.

10. Fortuna Sittard vs. Jong AZ – Dutch Eerste Divisie

This isn’t the top flight Eredivisie. We’re Friday-expanding our horizons together into second division Netherlands football. 4^Th hosts 5^th. Fun Fact: Jong AZ is one of the Eredivisie club’s reserve teams, and so by rule cannot be promoted.    RESULT:  Sittard  5-1

1. The Mexican match initially scouted for this date has been postponed, certainly due to the massive earthquake. My continued thoughts and prayers to and for all affected.

B. River Plate vs. Wilstermann – Copa Libertadores

South America’s version of UEFA Champions League rages on! This is the second leg (game) of this two-legged tie (pairing of games between same two teams). Wilstermann leads on aggregate 3-0, meaning they won the first leg 3-0 at their place.    Now that’s how you make a comeback.  RESULT:  River Plate  8-0

3. Lanus vs. San Lorenzo – Copa Libertadores

San Lorenzo won the first leg 2-0. Will either home team in these quarters be able to overcome their deficit and advance to the semis?   Lanus then advanced to the semis on PK.    RESULT:   Lanus  2-0

   Doogie doesn’t like their chances.

4. Santos de Guapiles vs. Arabe Unido – CONCACAF League

Since it’s been a while, a reminder on what this tournament -is-. This is not a Champions League. This tournament features qualifying Latin American and Caribbean club teams. The winner gets a slot -in- the next CONCACAF CL.

SdG held Arabe to a 0-0 draw in the first match of this semifinal tie. Now they get the Panamanians at home at should finish them off.   They get Honduran side Olimpia in the Finals.    RESULT:   SdG  1-0

  …unless Panamanian Kermit shows up.

5. Motherwell vs. Aberdeen – Scottish League Cup

Also referred to as the Scottish Communities League Cup, it is the second-most prestigious Cup in Scotland. It is contested between all the teams of the top four leagues of the pyramid system there.

Aberdeen was runner up in the Scottish Premiereship last season and is the stronger side. But Motherwell had the literal luck of the draw for determining home field advantage, will play host in Scotland’s “Steel City” for this quarterfinal.    On to the semis.    RESULT:  Motherwell 3-0

6. Cultural Leonesa vs. Valladolid – Spanish Copa del Rey

Copa del Rey is Spain’s FA Cup. This event is just in the third round, but since we Tracked Cultural Leonesa. Noob thought it would be fun to see how far they go. The bad news: Valladolid finished middle of the pack in Segunda B last year, where as Cultural Leonesa just got promoted to that league for this season. The good news: Our boys won the draw for home field advantage for this one-off.    Tuxedo boys are out.    RESULT:  Valladolid  0-4

   Here’s to hoping they break these bad boys back out.

7. River Plate vs. Defensa y Justicia – Copa Argentina

Let confusion reign! Noob failed to realize initially that River Plate was slated for two different matches today. This game will probably be moved to a different date, but I’m listing it in case it’s their Cope Libertadores match that gets moved. This is a Round of 16 one-off, and RP is the event’s defending champion.    RESULT:  ppd

8. Ruch Zdziesszowice vs. Legia Warszawa – Polish Cup

This Round of 16 match simply must be the farthest RZ has ever been. Prior to this season, the highest they have ever finished in their league is 6^th place. And they play in a regionalized third tier league. Meanwhile Warszawa is the defending Ekstraklasa champ, and will score here like a pinball game.    Ruch Zdzkndfbnqeg , we hardly new ye.   RESULT:    Warsaw  0-4

9. CFR Cluj-Napoca vs. FCSB – Romanian Liga 1

Noob has also list games from this league as “First Division”. I just can’t tell which is definitively the real name. #1 hosts #4 here. Not a bad position for CN to be in, given that the club was financially insolvent just three seasons ago. They were nearly dropped to second division that year by their national governing body, despite finishing in 3^rd place. CN won a court case on it, though.    RESULT:  1-1

   What, they don’t deserve a break today?

10. Al Ittihad vs. Al-Hilal – Saudi Premier

#4 hosts a very mighty #1 club here. Fun fact: The hosts’ name means “union” in Arabic. There are many clubs that carry this word in their name around the Arabian world.    RESULT:  1-1

1. Sporting Kansas City vs. New York Red Bulls – U.S. Open Cup

The final! It’s a The Management dream, KC hosting ‘Muricuh’s FA Cup.    Unicorn-moonman trophy time!    Sporting Kansas City  2-1

    THAT needs to be the trophy.

B. Atlanta United vs. L.A. Galaxy – MLS

It’s time to stop thinking about Atlanta as a mere expansion club. They’re in 5^th in the Eastern Division, and the 7th-9^th place squads are falling off the pace. Remember: Top six make the playoffs.  Atlanta climbs to 4th.   RESULT:  Atlanta 4-0

3. Toronto FC vs. Montreal Impact – MLS

Montreal is one of said teams falling off the playoff pace in the East. More bad news. Noobstradmus is having Canadiaian visions of a three-goal route by the league #1 hosts.   Impact now just three points out of 6th and the playoffs.   RESULT:   Montreal  3-5

    Official mascot of Canadiaian soccer battling.

[The three Copa MX games previously posted here have been postponed.   My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone effected by the massive earthquake.]

6. Gremio vs. Botafogo – Copa Libertadores

The first leg of this quarterfinal tie ended in a scoreless draw. Advantage, Gremio? Noob thinks not.    Winner gets to advance to semis.   RESULT:  Gremio 1-0

7. Lazio vs. Napoli – Serie A

Napoli finished 3^rd and 5^th last season, and sit #1 and #4 very early this season. And the Italians get four teams into next year’s Champions League instead of three did last year.    RESULT:   Napoli  1-4

8. Charleston Battery vs. Charlotte Independence – USL

South Carolina. North Carolina. Fiiight! And it should be a humdinger, as these sides are #2 and #3 in the East.   The Independence inch closer to catching the Battery for 2nd place.  RESULT:   Charleston 3-0

   Facts is facts, South Carolina.  Don’t blame Noob.

9. Seattle Sounders 2 vs. Phoenix Rising – USL

Another Amuricuhn expansion team on the go! Phoenix is in a dead heat with Tulsa Roughnecks for the last playoff spot (six get in) out of the West. But they’ve played two fewer games than Tulsa. And Seattle 2 is horrible.    Phoenix edges into 5th place.   RESULT:  Phoenix  0-1

10. Urawa Red Diamonds vs. Kashima Antlers – Emperor’s Cup

This is the FA Cup for Japan. Urawa got a really tough Round of 16 draw in league #1 Kashima, but at least they get to host the one-off match. Antlers will heed our Urawa cry – gym, tan, sushi!    Sadness reigns.   RESULT:  Kashima  2-4

    The Situation is taking a Urawa game off.

This silhouette either indicates where the sushi goes or the last seconds before harikari.

1. USA vs. New Zealand – women’s friendly

You’re not dreaming, Noobites. This is a rematch from 9/15. NZ’s making the trip worthwhile stuck around for another beating. Amuricuh took the first one 3-1.    RESULT:   USA  5-0

     Vendor, I’ll have a bottled water and even more freedom!

B. Australia vs. Brazil – women’s friendly

Second verse, same as the first. Oz took the first game 2-1.    RESULT:   Australia  3-2

3. AFC Bournemouth vs. Brighton & Hove Albion – EFL Cup

It’s deja vu all over yet again. Noob’s beloved Cherries finally earned some points with a win on 15^th with a 2-1 nailbiter.    RESULT:   Bournemouth  1-0

My thoughts and prayers go out to all affected by the massive earthquake in Mexico.   The Copa MX matches were all, of course, postponed.

4. Monterrey vs. University de Guadalajara – Copa MX

This tournament has now reached the Knockout Stage. There are no ties here, just straight one-offs. The 16 remaining teams are seeded by how they did in their qualifying groups. This is a 3-14 matchup on seeding. Monterrey should have little trouble with the Ascenso side.

5. Morelia vs. Tijuana – Copa MX

This is a 4-13 matchup that should play much closer. In fact, Noobstradamus is divining that “los xolos” (short for a breed of hairless dog) will come out victorious.

   What’s Spanish for “PETA”?

6. America vs. Cruz Azul – Copa MX

Seeds 7 and 10 face off. The Eagles of Mexico City – the most sucessful league team in national history – play host.

7. Guadalajara vs. Atlas – Copa MX

Different side than UdeG above. This is an 8/9 matchup. Guadalajara are defending champs.

8. Hibernian vs. Livingston – Scottish Communities League Cup

Only the second most prestigious Cup in Scotland, this is the more interesting of the two quarterfinal matches this date. Hibernian won the second division league last year, earning promotion to Premiere. They are replaced there by third tier champ Livingston.    RESULT:   Hibernian  3-2

9. Niger vs. Benin – friendly

FIFA ranked #44 vs. #88. At game’s end, will the visitors have “been in” this one?    RESULT:   Benin  1-2

   Better pun.

10. Senegal vs. Ivory Coast – friendly

#33 vs. #54. No more pun attempts.    RESULT:   0-0

1. France vs. Spain – women’s friendly

International games do earn the teams points of sorts that help rank them for various purposes relating to international competitions, even friendlies.    RESULT:   France  3-1

OK, Monday’s are usually light on “big games” from important leagues. On days like these, Noob likes to spin the globe and find matches from less heralded soccer countries. Education!

Today, Noobites, we take a different road. Let’s look at matches involving teams from the other ends of standings. Before some teams get possibly relegated into their nations’ second-tier leagues, let’s get to know a few.

B. Espanyol vs. Celta Vigo – La Liga

Three of Spain’s 20 Premier teams get relegated to Segunda Division at season’s end. It’s early, but Espanyol sits in 17^th. They finished 8^th last year, just one spot away from qualifying for this year’s Europa League. They play in Barcelona, which is like being the MLB Chicago White Sox instead of the Cubs, Noob suspects. Barcelona FC kicks butt.

RESULT:   Espanyol 2-1

    Let’s check out crests!     Meh.   Middle school art project-y.

3. Portimonense vs. Feirense – Portuguese Liga

Two of this league’s 18 teams get relegated annually into the second-tier LigaPro. History would dictate the hosts here will meet that fate. They’ve spent most seasons there since the mid-1980’s, but won the second division last campaign. They play in Portimao in the south of the country, a town of about 55,000.    RESULT:   Portimonense  2-1

   Solid, if not inspiring.

4. GD Chaves vs. Moreirense – Portuguese Liga

GDC, too, spends most of their seasons in LigaPro. They finished 11^th last year, and the highest they have ever finished in the top-flight league is 5^th. The city of Chaves is an agriculturally-based one by and large, with a population of 17,000 and over 40,000 including surrounding area.    RESULT:   Chaves  3-0

      Homemade Dungeons & Dragons quality artwork.

5. Lokomotiv Moscow vs. FK Amkar Perm – Russian Premier

Amkhar Parm sits dead last so far this year. Last season they finished in 1o^th. This club actually almost won the league in 2008, losing in the Final by penalty kicks.    RESULT:   Amkar  1-0

    The arrow points you down a league.

6. Isloch vs. BATE Borisov – Belarus Premier

FC Isloch Minsk Raion were deducted seven points in the standings this year. They would be in second-to-last and in a relegation slot anyway, but only a point from digging themselves out of that hole. Noob was unable to find out hat happened, but it may relate to s 2016 match against Dinamo-Brest.    RESULT:  BATE  2-0

      He looks happy, hungry and deadly.   Nice work.

7. Lechia Gdansk vs. Jagiellonia Bialystok – Poland Ekstraklasa

In this league, the entire bottom half of the regular seasons standings play in a seven-game relegation playoff. Lechia Gdansk sits in the middle of that group early this year. Gdansk is part of a tricity area of about 1.4 million on the Baltic coast.    RESULT:   3-3

       Redefining “lame”.

8. Ludogorets Razgrad vs. Botev Plovdiv – Bulgaria First Professional League

Eight of the 14 teams fight for their first-tier lives each season in this league. Draconian! Botev Plovdiv is currently in 10^th. As recently as 2010 they were playing in the country’s third-tier division. They are The Canaries – a moniker Noob’s former church league softball team carried – and so are under consideration for Adoption!    RESULT:  LR  2-1

     Simple, yet dizzying.  Noob has mixed emotions.

That was refreshing and keen. Noob and Noobite we may be, but we may end up better-educated on world club soccer than most!

9. SV Wimpassing vs. BW Linz – Austrian FA Cup

Noob wonders if SVW has ever been as far as the third round in this competition. Or ever been in it at all! They won a state league, below even the third-tier regional leagues, to qualify. Linz plays in the second division.    Underdog!   RESULT:   3-3 / 3-2 pk

   Another win, maybe you’ll earn a less boring crest, SVW.

10. Al Shorta Al Qaradif vs. Al Robta Kosta – Sudan Premier

We return again to Sudan, the league that blesses us with filler weekday games in spades! 8^th place hosts 15^th. Noob believe “Shorta” may be Arabic for “police”, which is a common naming for soccer clubs world over.    RESULT:   1-1

   To-scale drawing of actual Sudani police car.   Maybe.