My continued thoughts and prayers are going out to everyone affected by the Mexico earthquake.
1. and B. The two Liga MX games slated for these slots are postponed.
3. Real Monarchs SLC vs. Orange County SC – USL
There’s enough time for 9th place Orange County to make a push for the playoffs (top six), but that feels unlikely to start against league juggernaut SLC. As a regular Noobite knows, Noob feels strongly about an American name with “royal” in the name. Down with the faux soccer monarchy! We will pillage and plunder the city of salt lake, and make them envy our democratic system! Eight teams, not six, make the playoffs from each division. The O.C. has climbed into a tie for the last slot. RESULT: 0-0
4. T.N.S. vs. Llandudno Town – Welsh Premier
TNS ran away with this league last year, and is more or less picking up where they left off very early this season. LT was near the bottom, so their start at #1 is surprising and refreshing. T.N.S. moves into a tie for first with the vanquished. RESULT: TNS 1-0
5. Shimizu S-Pulse vs. Sanfrecce Hiroshima – J1 League
It’s Friday nite – a typically lighter night for big games. Here, Noob takes us to near the bottom of the standings. Why? Important things still happen there. Three teams will be relegated to J2 League at season’s end. Hiroshima is in 4th-to-last. Hiroshima stands now five points above the relegation line. RESULT: Hiroshima 1-3
And now a musical interlude even Hiroshima can enjoy. Nagasakians please move on to #6.
6. General Diaz vs. Sportive Luqueno – Paraguay Premier
If you have a Noobite friend, make small bets on games like these. They’re fuhn! #3 hosts #4. Smart pesos will be on Diaz, even if you have to spot your pal a goal on the wager. RESULT: 1-1
7. Club Sportif Sfaxien vs. FUS Rabat – CAF Confederation Cup
Welcome to Africa’s version of Europa League! Sfaxien’s actually been awesome the last 15 years and must be favored to advance to the semifinals. Morocco’s Rabat did win the first leg of the tie 1-0, so Noob holds out hope they can stave off the Tunisians. But Rubat wins the tie on PK, moves on to semis. RESULT: Sfaxien 1-0
You broke Noob’s “Star Wars” heart, Tunisia.
8. Al Masry vs. El Zemalek – Egyptian Premier
Two of last year’s top four league clubs. Noob’s certainly no polyglot, and isn’t knowledgeable on Arabic What gives with the seemingly different definite articles? RESULT: Zamalek 1-2
That’s the…a…? way to say it.
9. Al-Faisaly vs. Al-Wehdat – Jordan League
Last season’s #1 hosts #3. Dizziness has abated. Matching definite articles. Wehdat Nation success! RESULT: Al-Wehdat 1-2
Jordan tries answering the implicit question.
10. Fortuna Sittard vs. Jong AZ – Dutch Eerste Divisie
This isn’t the top flight Eredivisie. We’re Friday-expanding our horizons together into second division Netherlands football. 4Th hosts 5th. Fun Fact: Jong AZ is one of the Eredivisie club’s reserve teams, and so by rule cannot be promoted. RESULT: Sittard 5-1