Category: 10 to Track

It is Noob’s greatest pleasure to daily bring you the ten most important games to Track, for you and me, the newish American fans.   It would be my second-greatest pleasure, but the leftover turkey from Thanksgiving isn’t holding up well for sammich-purposes.   Let. There. Be.  Soup!

Don’t forget Noob updates the previous T2T entries with Results!   Even Guamanian league results, though they usually take days to get to me.  Grumble Guam grumble grumble.

1. Toronto FC vs. Columbus Crew – MLS playoffs

We had to wait eight days for the continuation of this two-legged Semifinal, good LAWD!  Perhaps we’ll be treated to a goal this time?   The Crew would certainly like to see it not turn into a shootout.  Slower, more defensive play falls right into their hands.   We got one!   More specifically, Toronto did.  To the Cup final!   RESULT:   Toronto   1-0

B.  Lanus vs. Gremio – Copa Libertadores

It’s the final Final!  More accurately, leg two of the Final.  Copa Libertadores = Champions League.  Brazilian Gremio lead 1-0 after the first match.  Argentinian Lanus is a very little bit better on paper, so they have a real chance of overcoming at home.

Noobstradamus has had a horrifying vision!  I was swimming the Logoa dos Patos.  This, in itself, is odd.  It’s very, very deep – navigable by the biggest river ships.  But instead of ships, there were giant namesake patos (ducks!).   They encircled Noob menacingly, swimming faster and faster until a massive whirlpool was formed.   Down, down Noob went.  “Why, patos, why??”   “The city will no longer be Porto Alegre, but Porto Triste!” they quacked.

Effing ducks.   That’s not an answer.  But Gremio will lose, I know now.  Sadness will reign there.  Lanus wins 3-1.   Noob fail!    Gremio are your 2017 South American champions!   RESULT:   Gremio   1-2

 

And now on land??  Noob will never trance-sleep again.

3. Arsenal vs. Huddersfield Town – English Premiere

All the EPL games today look like mismatches in the standings.  This one looked better a couple games back, but Huddersfield got absolutely walloped at Noob’s Bournemouth Cherries (huzzah!) before dropping a home match to Man City (not shameful).

Arsenal, meanwhile, is one of four teams vying hard for 3^rd place, at the moment.  They must hold serve on matches like these if they want to hang on to a 2018 Champions League berth (top four).   Serve was certainly held.  RESULT:   Arsenal   5-0

4. Chesterfield vs. Manchester City EDS – EFL Trophy

Your Brit undercard!   A reminder: This event is a Cup tournament featuring the third and fourth tiers of the English soccer pyramid, plus many of the top two leagues’ youth teams.   Groups of four are all vying for two spots each in the next Round.

These two are in 3^rd and 4^th, but the top two in their Group have already played their third and final Group Stage game.  The standings are tight, so it comes out like this.  If either team wins, they finish in 2^nd and survive.  If they tie, they’re both out.   BOTH teams scored in the 90th minute!   The home side prevails on penalties.   RESULT:   Chesterfield   2-2 / 4-3 pk

5. Nantes vs. AS Monaco – French Ligue 1

The French top league doesn’t run five teams deep for legit contenders.  Can #5 Nantes prove Noob wrong?  Likely not against #2 Monaco, but at least they have home pitch advantage.   Upset!!   RESULT:   Nantes   1-0

 

What the actual– Noob’s blaming this on a “dark web virus”…

6. Atletico Madrid vs. Elche – Spanish Copa del Rey     

Elche hails from the Segunda Division B – the third tier of Spanish football.   They were impressive enough in getting a 1-1 draw against Atletico.  But at home, the Primera team will likely do bad, bad Primera team-things to Elche.  This is Round of 32 action.   RESULT:   A.M.   3-0

7. Chievo Verona vs. Hellas Verona – Coppa Italia (FA Cup)

Well, at least Verona will be represented in the Round of 16!  Someone have to win this one-off.   Probably Chievo.  HV stinks.  But then again, can one trust…   More upset!   RESULT:   Hellas   1-1 / 4-5 pk

 

 

…the Flying Donkeys! No joke, Chievo’s mascot. Maybe not this particular one.

8. Urawa Red Diamonds vs. Kawasaki Frontale – J1 League

Noob and the Management are soooo excited over Urawa’s AFC Champions League title!   It would be understandable if they were literally a/o figuratively hungover for this match.   In 7^th place and only two games to go, Urawa won’t finish high enough to qualify for the 2018 CL, sadly.

Kawasaki, meanwhile is in 2^nd already guaranteed a berth.  The question remaining is will they fall to 3^rd and not get bye’d into right to that event’s Group Stage.   RESULT:   Kawasaki   0-1

 

 

Thanks, Urawa unofficial mascot, The Situation! And congrats. Noob just heard MTV is re-launching “Jersey Shore”, and with the original cast!

9. Busan I’Park vs. Ulsan Hyundai – Korean FA Cup

The Final!   But will it be competitive?  Busan is from the second-tier league in South Korea, and not even doing well there.  Ulsan is a top four top flight league squad.  This is the first leg of the tie.   RESULT:   Ulsan   1-2

10. Vozdovac vs. Partizan Beograd – Serbia Super Liga

2^nd vs. 4^th here.  Despite the seeming closeness that might indicate in the standings, they are not close.  This is a two-team league at the top.  All others are chum.  “The Dragons” would likely be pleased with even a mere draw on their own turf today.   RESULT:   PB   0-1

Not quite right…

Yet you ARE a very convincing dragon, Owen.  You should feel good about that.

Relegation Monday was thrilling and spicy!   But now it’s time to get back to Tracking the ten truly most important matches of the day, for YOU! – the newish American soccer fan.

We’ll start with some league and international action, then get into FA Cups.  For the rawest Noobites, those are nations’ tournaments that involve teams from deep, deep into their lower leagues, all the way up to their top-flight leagues.   Part of the fun is looking for Minnows, non-premiere clubs that are advancing perhaps much further than they really should.

To arms!

1. Watford vs. Manchester United – English Premier

While the season is only about 1/3 in the books, Man City already has a staggering lead over #2 Man U.  To have any hope of catching them, they need to pull off road wins against decent competition like Watford.  The hosts here have actually been better on the road this season, strangely.  Can they score at all on their home pitch against the EPL’s best defense?   Not enough!   RESULT:   Man Utd   2-4

 

They need to take their nightmarish crest aminal and get out of here

B.  Bordeaux vs. St. Etienne – French Ligue 1

Full disclosure:  When Noob first scouted this game, it looked a little more important to this league’s standings.   But Bordeaux has suddenly fallen into the bottom half of the standings.  St. Etienne fell a notch to 8^th, too, from where I first targeted them.

What ha-happened?  These teams have gone a combined 11 straight matches without a win.  It’s understandable regarding Bordeaux.  They’ve simply run into the tough part of their schedule.   St. Etienne’s skid is more surprising.  They got drubbed by #2 Lyon and lost to 7^th place Montpelier, but otherwise have faced weak competition.

The answer of why seems to be the same for both: defense.  They’ve now both given up more goals than any teams outside the bottom few in the Ligue.   Just by being at home, Bordeaux is more likely to right their ship first here.   Bordeaux back up to 9th!   RESULT   Bordeaux   3-0

3. Canadia vs. Norway – international women’s friendly

Noob had the home and away mixed up.   RESULT:   Canadia   2-3

   Why not?  The fellas seem on quite good terms.

3. Yeovil Town vs. Plymouth Argyle – EFL Trophy

A reminder of what this event is:  A Cup tournament for League One and League Two, the third and fourth tiers of English football.  Also invited are the youth teams affiliated with teams from the top two tiers.

This event is wrapping up its Group Stage.  Pods of four have been competing in just single round robins, with the top two finishers advancing.   Yeovil – a Noob fave! – is having a poor year in League Two.  But they lead this Group, and even a draw would see them survive.   P.A. plays a league up, but their season has been dismal.   On, Yo-Ville!   RESULT:   Yeovil   2-1

5. Malaga vs. Numancia – Spanish Copa del Rey (FA Cup)

Welcome to the Round of 32!   Copa del Rey moves to  two-legged ties at this stage of the tournament – each pair of teams plays home and away to determine which advances.

Numancia is well up in the standings of Spain’s Second Division.  Malaga might get demoted there from Premier at season’s end the way things have gone for them.  And the visitors are ahead 1-2 on aggregate – Minnow Alert!   RESULT:   1-1

   You thought Amuricuh had a monopoly on history reenactment dorks?   Numancia, ho!

6. Leganes vs. Real Valladoid – Spanish Copa del Rey (FA Cup)

Welcome back to T2T, Valladoid!   You’re looking spiffy.   Um, we met during the Third Round?  You put this really hot beatdown on Cultural Leonesa.   You’re welcome, sure.   Yeah, no, I understand.  You must meet a soooo many non sequitur comedy/sports writers.  Noob can’t imagine how hard it is to keep us all straight!    Hahaha.   Sure.  OK, um, yeah, nice talking to you!   Enjoy the Cup…

Eff me sideways, that was awkward.   You think you make an impression.  Valladoid couldn’t have picked Noob out of a crowd of two as someone they’d ever met.  Still, they’re just treading water in the Second Division middle.  Maybe if they can overcome their 2-1 deficit to Premier Leganes, Noob can make a move on them next Round.

Oh, who is Noob kidding.  Valladoid is out of my league!   *grabs a glass of champagne in each fist as a shocked waiter walks by*    Yes, I AM going to make a scene!   You don’t know what Noob goes through.

Hey, now, let’s not get security involved.  Fellas.   Oh dear…   Goodbye, you sweet heartbreakers, Valladoid.   RESULT:   Leganes   0-1

7. Cagliari vs. Pordenone – Coppa Italia (FA Cup)

This one is in its Fourth Round.  In this FA Cup, the games are one-offs, no two-legged ties (except the Semifinals, oddly).  The winners of each of this Round’s matches advance to face the waiting top eight Serie A teams from last year’s league standings.

Pordenone is the last, best Minnow left here, the only representative from Serie -C-.  They’re not even doing too well in that league. Yet here they stand!  They face off against a middling Serie A side here.  Upset!!  The Minnow Watch is on.   RESULT:   Pordenone   1-2

   Looks like an overhead view of a bicycle helmet

8. Oostende vs. St. Truiden – Belgian FA Cup

All 16 teams from Belgium’s top league won their matches last round, so it’s just a league tourney now.  No Minnows.

Oostende got the draw they needed, getting to host this one-off.  They’re in 12^th in the Jupiler League, while St. Truiden is in 4^th.   The hosts haven’t dominated at home, but St. T. has been about the worst road team there.   RESULT:   Oostender   2-0

9. Gornick Zabrze vs. Chojniczanka Chojnice – Polish Cup (FA Cup)

This is the third time recently we’ve tracked Ekstraklasa leader Zabrze.  Don’t worry, Noob’s not going to approach them, risk a repeat of the Valladoid Affair above.  They lead this two-legged Semifinal 3-1.

Besides, Noob only has eyes for second division I Liga 1^st place Chojniz….Choczack….Chojni!   Let’s go with Chojni.   Scott Baio, Noob hardly new ye.   RESULT:   Zabrze   3-0

   Noobie loves Chojni…

[credit to Staffer Dan-0, “The Intern-o Inferno”, on the impeccable artwork]

10. Independiente vs. Libertad – Copa Sudamericana

South America’s version of Europa League rolls on!  The Argentinian hosts are down to the Colombian side 0-1 after the first Semifinal match.   Noobstradamus can shake today’s love monkey off his back long enough to do some prognosticating, predict that Independiente will overcome the deficit and advance to the Final.  1-0, and then take it in penalty kicks 4-2!   More dominant than Noob thought!   Advancing –  RESULT:   Independiente   3-1

   The only thing better than my divinations is my luxurious hair and beard.

Longer-tenured Noobites will please forgive the repetition.   We’re here for the “newish American soccer fan”, and together we can edu-muh-cate ourselves into surprisingly knowledgeable fans of the world game.

Monday is the day we take a break from trying to find the “ten best games to Track from the newish American fan” perspective.  The biggest leagues just don’t schedule much.  We use the opportunity to also look at games involving teams at the bottoms of their leagues, teams that might get Relegated to lower leagues at seasons’ ends.

First, there are some “important games” to peruse:

1. Palmeiras vs. Botafogo – Brazil Serie A

Palmeiras is in 4^th and gets a birth in next year’s Copa Libertadores.  Botafogo, however, is in 8^th place, one slot out of CL qualification.  They’re just a point behind two teams.   Even a draw would put them ahead of 7^th place Vasco de Gama on goal differential.   RESULT:   Palmeiras   2-0

   Isn’t that where “MacGruber” opened at the box office?

B.  America Cali vs. Atletico Junior – Colombia Premier

Like many Latin American nations’ leagues, this one’s is split into two halves.  While those halves are usually called Apertura (“opening”) and Clausura (“closing”), Colombia calls their second one Finalizacion.

The latter just finished, and the top eight finishers are starting their postseason event, the Knockout Phase.   The winner will play the club that one that Apertura’s Knockout Phase.   This model holds true for most Latin leagues.  So #6 seed hosts #1 here.  There’s enough of a gap between them in the regular season standings to safely call Junior the favorite here, even playing on the road.   RESULT:   0-0

3. Beitar Jerusalem vs. Hapoel Be’er – Israel Premier

This one will come down to pace control.  The 4^th place hosts are the offensive power of the league so far this year, while 2^nd place Be’er wins with defense.   RESULT:   2-2

   No, it’s Be’er.  Punctuation matters, beer shill.

4. France vs. Sweden – women’s international friendly

The seeming lack of parity in the women’s game makes FIFA-ranked #4 versus #11 feel like a gross mismatch.  Noob hopes he is wrong or that this is changing.   RESULT:   0-0

And now…the suckitude!

5. Atalanta vs. Benevento – Italian Serie A

Welcome back to Relegation Monday, Benevento!   How’s it going?  Still no wins or draws on the season?  Maybe Noob shouldn’t bring up such a sore point.

Last time we Tracked last place Benevento, they were losing to second-to-last place Hellas Verona.  Atalanta has fallen back to the pack, 12^th place, after a surprising 4^th last year.   RESULT:   Atalanta   1-0

  Cut someone’s head off!!

6. SKA-Khabarovsk vs. Lokomotiv Moscow – Russian Premier

The hosts here are in last place as well, though at least they’ve earned points.  They’re unlikely to earn anything but a whipping if they open the doors to let #1 Lokomotiv in.

Khabaovsk is a city of a half million and change in the far east of Russia, not 20 miles from the Chinese border.  This is their first ever season in the country’s Premier league.   RESULT:   Lokomotiv   1-2

7. Temperley vs. San Martin de San Juan – Superliga Argentina

Our streak of last-place teams continues with Temperley.  That said, they’re not at the bottom of the four-team group that will get Relegated at season’s end.  This league uses multiple years’ results to determine who gets shunned.  Temperley are third-to-last in that department.

Temperley are from the greater Buenos Aires area.  They are known as Celeste (“the light blues”) and “gasolero”.   Noob’s Spanish is more than rusty, but isn’t that “gas station”?   Upset!!   RESULT:   Temperley   1-0

   No.  I am Noob.  In all languages.

8. AEK Athens vs. Platanias – Greek Superleague

More last place, please!   Asked and answered, thanks, Platanias.   Their goal differential is so bad it might get a parental belt buckle beating.  At least #4 AEK is a defensively-oriented team that might leave them a quantum of pride.

Platanias is from the island of Crete.   Their first uniforms ever were made from Nazi flags stolen from a German warehouse.  They’ve kept the red ever since.   RESULT:   AEK   1-0

9. Petrojet vs. El Raja Marsah Matruh – Egypt Premier

Last place, table for one?  We’re ready to see you.   El Raja has a goal differential nearly 3x worse than the next sadsackiest club.

   Courtney, chill.  Have some wine.

10. General Diaz vs. Rubio Nu – Paraguay Premier

Rubio Nu breaks our streak!   10^th place of 12 teams on the year, and not the worse of the two teams likely to be getting the boot based on multi-year aggregate results.  RN fields the worst offense in the league.  Good thing they’re not playing the side sporting the best defense.  Oh wait.   RESULT:   0-0

   Noob admits to Mitt-ing it there.

Propers out to The Baltimore Kings, a non-league independent pro team that is following Noob at soccernoobUSA on the Twitter box.   We’re excited you have found us, and hope you find getting a daily fix of the filtered “ten best soccer games for the newish American fan” (and other features) dreamy and satisfying.

To that end, let’s dig into Sunday’s best!

1. Burnley vs. Arsenal – English Premiere

The top five EPL teams qualify for a Euro League (Champions, Europa).  These two are just barely outside-looking-in.  7^th hosts 6^th.   Arsenal is simply putrid on the road, so maybe the host Clarets can climb on notch on the ladder.   That’s fine, Arsenal, you can let Noob motivate you to victory.  Swag?   RESULT:   0-1

B.  Valencia vs. Barcelona – Spanish Premier

Valencia’s like the girl at the ten-year high school reunion who traded braces and some excess weight for a sense of style.  “Is that really you?  I can’t believe it.  You just look so different – I mean, uhm, you look great, you look sooo great!”

She may have been just 12^th place last year, but she’s in 2^nd place now and she’s not dancing with the likes of YOU.  Besides, did you forget you’re married with two kids already?   You became a bit of a creep.   Geez.  BUT!

She’s about to have a catfight on the dance/gym floor with the homecoming queen from back in the day, #1 Barcelona.  Her husband’s a bank veep, she’s a high-end realtor herself, and she didn’t need to get a rental car – already has a sweet ride.   Catfights never end in draws in real life.   RESULT:   1-1

   Unless, she’s a LIAR like Romy

3. AS Monaco vs. Paris Saint-Germain – French Ligue 1

No surprises here with #2 and #1.  AS Monaco hasn’t lost at home this year.  PSG hasn’t lost, period.   Best match o’ the day.   Monaco drops to 3rd with the loss.   RESULT:   PSG   1-2

4. America vs. Cruz Azul – Liga MX

The Liguilla (postseason) opening round continues!   The first leg ended in a scoreless draw.   Oddly, #3 seed America was much better on the road than at home this year.  #6 Cruz Azul was more consistent, so Noobstradamus putting this match on an informal Upset Watch.   Or Noob might end up Informally Upset.  What a crazypants rule.   If the aggregate is tied after both matches, the higher-seeded team advances.   America advances in underwhelming fashion.   RESULT:   0-0

     Others be hating, I be prognosticating.

5. Flamengo vs. Santos – Brazil Serie A

Two games to go in the league season.  Flamengo is in 6^th, in line for a Copa Libertadores berth next year, for the moment.  The standings are tight enough that it’s not guaranteed.  Santos is in 4^th, and they will be in CL 2018.  RESULT:   Santos   1-2

6. Rapid Vienna vs. Red Bull Salzburg – Austrian Bundesliga

How is Salzburg not in 1^st?   Nothing wrong with 2^nd place, of course.  But their goal differential (23) is larger than all the other GD’s in their league combined.  Most of their scoring as been done at home though, so 3^rd place RV may well be able to hold serve.   The Wiinged Ones survive.   RESULT:   Salzburg   2-3

   What the actual…

7. Zira vs. Qarabag – Azerbaijan Premier

Qarabag have to be glad to be getting focused again on league play.  They made the Group Stage in Champions League, but they return bloodied, bruised and eliminated.   They lead this league, if just.  Zira is in 3^rd and only one point back.   RESULT:   Qarabag   2-3

8. Shanghai SIPG vs. Shanghai Shenhua – China FA Cup

The Final!   This is the second leg.   League-plodder Shenhua won the first match 1-0.   It may be a very different tale on league power SIPG’s pitch though.   Not different enough.  Despite losing this match and the aggregate score being tied, Shenhua wins the title!  Away-goals tiebreaker.   Hail to the Cup champs!   RESULT:   3-2

  Bamboo cane race in China.  Why build entire boats?

9. Motherwell vs. Celtic – Scottish Leagues Cup

It’s a one-off Final in Scotland’s second-most-important Cup tournament!

Motherwell is listed at the home team for this technically-neutral site game.  It’s being held at Hampden Park – Scotland’s national football venue.  Celtic doesn’t play their league matches there, but they and it are in Glasgow.   Celtic lead the league and should be heavy favorites against the middling “Steelmen”.   RESULT:   Celtic   0-2

10. New Caledonia vs. Estonia – international friendly

At #156, New Caledonia are actually the 4^th-ranked team in the entire Oceania Football Confederation!  Estonia is only the 38^th-best national team in Europe, FIFA rank #84.   The Estonian fellows must’ve done something special to earn a trip to this little slice of paradise.  It’s sunny and 73 degrees today.   RESULT:   1-1

  Been a while, ladies!   Did you get to go on the vacay?

Our quest to find and Track the best ten games from out perspective, that of the newish American soccer fan, nets us a perfect balance of league, Cup, and other tournament games today.

Remember to caffeinate AND hydrate so that leftover turkey today doesn’t put you in a tryptophan-tastic coma.

1. Urawa Red Diamonds vs. Al Hilal – AFC Champions League

It’s the second leg of the Final!   Noob, The Management, and in-house number one superfan Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino could simply not be more excited.  We’re going all out.  Tea ceremony before the game, and we’ll remain decked out throughout the match in our kamishimos.  (The Sitch adores the exaggerated shoulders.)

Our boys from Saitama (Tokyo’s answer to NYC metro NJ) earned a draw at the mighty Saudis’ place, 1-1.  Hilal may carry the bigger ranking internationally, but will cower when they hear our cry:  Gym-Tan-Sushi!   Victory is ours!!!   Urawa scores at 88′ to become the greatest in Asia!   I’m excited, The Management is excited, and Mikey’s tan’s even glowing a little more.   RESULT:   Urawa   1-0

 

 

 

where the sushi goes

B.  Morelia vs. Toluca – Liga MX

The Liguilla rolls on!   A reminder of what this is:   It’s the postseason, eight-team tournament that follows each half-season segment (Apertura, Clausura).

This event is in its opening round of two-legged ties.  #5 seed Toluca won 2-1 at their place.  This should be an excellent match between two very even teams.  Univision Deportes is where Noobites can find it.   This seems a bit messed up to Noob.   Instead of penalty kicks, if the two-legged tie ends with even aggregate and away-goals, they simply award the team with the better seed the victory.   Morelia advances.   RESULT:   Morelia   2-1

3. Liverpool vs. Chelsea – English Premiere

This weekend marks about the 1/3 mark of this league’s season, and the two-horse race it looked like it would be earlier is now just one.  Man City is running away with things.  These two here are 5^th and 3^rd place.  If either has designs on catching The Blues, now would be the time to start picking up three points at a time.

Liverpool doesn’t play premium defense, so this may be both the bet matchup of the day and one in which we can look for the visitors to steal a win.   RESULT:   1-1

  Too soon?

4. Borussia Monchengladbach vs. Bayern Munich – German Bundesliga

How long can M’Gladbach remain near the top?   They ‘re in 4^th, but only score as many goals as they give up.  1^st place Bayern outscores opponents at nearly a 4:1 clip.   Gladback moves into a tie for 3rd.   RESULT:   Gladbach   2-1

5. Coleraine vs. Crusaders – Northern Ireland Premier

Coleraine is 8-0-0 at home on the season, good for 1^st place.  Yet 3^rd place Crusaders have the far better GD.

Fun fact:   Noob knew this was a smaller national league, but it turns out the teams are only semiprofessional in status.  I wonder what other jobs the players do to make ends meet?   Crusaders climb into a tie for 2nd.   RESULT:   1-1

   Not even a mask, let alone hazmat suit??

6. Olimpik Donetsk vs. Shakhtar Donetsk – Ukraine Premier

This match features 3^rd vs. 1^st place.   But there’s a real gap between #1 Shakhtar (and #2 Dynamo Kiev) and the rest of this league.  Olimpik doesn’t score tons and earns a LOT of draws.   RESULT:   Shakhtar   2-4

7. TP Mazembe vs. SuperSport United – CAF Confederation Cup

Welcome back to Africa’s version of Europa League!  It’s the Final, and the defending champions from DR Congo are in control.   After struggling against Moroccan FUS Rabat in the semifinal, they won the first Final leg in South Africa 2-1.   Repeat champs!   RESULT:   Mazembe   1-2

   The holy grail for league also-rans in Africa.  Shiny!

8. Kashiwa Reysol vs. Kashima Antlers – J1 League

This weekend features the second-to-last games of this league’s season.  They don’t do a league postseason, so things are getting serious.

Defending champ Kashima is four points above 2^nd place Kawasaki.  Kashiwa’s in 4^th, and only the top three finishers qualify for AFC Champions League next year.  They’re just two points behind Cerezo Osaka for that final birth.   RESULT:   0-0

9. Albirex Niigata vs. Global FC – Singapore Cup

Double I’s DOUBLE I’s!!   Noob is mesmerized, always has been.  It started with Estonia’s “Meistrliiga” and will never end.  Don’t ask question.  Just accept, and embrace.

This championship Final is a one-off between two teams not or not precisely from Singapore.  The nation’s league has eight teams, and then they invite four foreign-based teams as well.  Global is one of those, being a Cambodian club.  Albirex Niiiiiiiigata plays in Singapore, yet is a satellite club of Japanese players affiliated with a club there of the same name.   RESULT:   Niigata   2-1.   ChamPEENS!

   Not exactly what Noob meant.  But that’s adorable.  I see you, baby!

10. Pars Jonoubi Jam vs. Persepolis – Persian Gulf Pro League

Let’s finish this bad boy off with a 1-2 matchup!    PJJ is Adopted, meaning they are a coronated Favorite Team for Noob.  Jaaayyyyum!   Love it.  Persepolis is an established power in Iran.  Good luck finding this anywhere but a pirated interblag stream for live viewing, but go for it.   RESULT:   Persepolis   0-1

Noob hopes your Turkey Day was swell, but not too tryptophan-tastic!  Need to have your wits about you, Noobites.  It’s Globetrotting Friday!

We normally Track the ten most important games of the day, from around the world, from the perspective of the newish American fan.  Fridays tend to be a little light, so we pack our bags and head out to Globetrot!   We’ll start with someone familiar “locales” before we venture to exciting parts unknown.

1. West Ham United vs. Leicester City – English Premiere

After nearly finishing in the top half last year, West Ham sits in 18^th and in danger of getting Relegated to the ECL.  They’ve given up more goals than all other league teams this season.  And Leicester’s GD might indicate they may be more talented than they’re 12^th place spot and record suggest.

Fun fact!   The song that is perhaps most associated with West Ham and its supporters is “I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles”.  Noob was actually familiar with it as a football anthem from the Elijah Wood movie “Green Street Hooligans”.  But little did I know it’s an American song, not English.   RESULT:   1-1

B.  Germany vs. France – women’s international friendly

Friendly or not, these are two of the best teams in the world.  FIFA ranks them #2 and #4 respectively.  Noob is still looking for a TV network carrying it, but it would be worth checking for online media, too.   Up your nose with a rubber hose, rabbit.   RESULT:   Germany   4-0

       

What is this madness!  Noobstradamus takes off ONE holiday proper and gets replaced for prognostication by a rabbit?   Oooh, are those tasty morsels?   I can pick France.

3. Jordan vs. Japan – women’s international friendly

This one might be harder to find unless you’re IN one of these two countries.  Full disclosure:  Noob has no idea at all if Jordan is particularly lovely this time of year.   The hosts just crack FIFA’s top 50, while Japan is a perennial powerhouse.   RESULT:   Japan   0-2

   Wadi Rum desert in autumn.  OK, that’s quite lovely

4. Stade de Reims vs. AC Ajaccio – French Ligue 2

How competitive is this league?   Reims leads 2^nd place by three points.  The 17 teams are separated by just -11- points.  The top two get promoted for Ligue 1 at season’s end.  AC Ajaccio is in 4^th.

Reims isn’t a city with which Nob is familiar.  But it was the site for many, many years for ceremonial crowning of kings.   Home and away side mixed up here.   RESULT:   Reims   0-1

   Charles X was first to be crowned in Reims

5. Jong Ajax vs. Nijmegen – Dutch Eerste Divisie

Second-tier football from the Netherlands, Noob?   Your darn tootin’!  When it’s #2 vs. #1, Noob would go to the ends of the earth.  Only one team gets automatically promoted to Eredivisie at season’s end, and currently Nijmegen holds that slot.   Jong Ajax is a top-tier team’s reserve side, and so cannot be promoted.  (Boooooo!)   Home and away turned around here as well.   RESULT:   Nijmegen   1-0

6. Gornick Zabrze vs. Jagiellionia Bialystok – Poland Ekstraklasa

Zabrze must play four strikers and a goalie just part-time.   They score MANY more goals than anyone else in the league, but give them up at a rate not far below that.  4^th place Bialystock doesn’t play tons of D, so this could be a real shootout.

2^nd place Zabreze is one of the most storied clubs in the country’s history.  But there golden years were the 1960’s.   They are “The Miners”.   RESULT:   Zabreze   3-1

Jiminy shitzmas!!

7. Hassania Agadir vs. Olympic Club de Safi – Morocco Botola

Speaking of ends of the earth-ish, here’s #2 vs #1 again!

De Safi’s played a couple more games than most other games in the league, you say?  Well!  Good on you for knowing, identity-less voice in my blog-head.  Do you think this is going to take the luster off this game for Noob?   Do you think you can just show up, possess my fingers and ruin this subentry??  This is why we can’t have nice things!!   RESULT:   Agadir   1-0

   Noob’s never been alone with the voice-issue.  Comforting.

8. Al-Ahly Khartoum vs. Al Khartoum – Sudan Premier

Don’t.  You.  Quit on it, Noobites!  Sudan plays seemingly every day of the week.  6^th hosts 5^th here in what we’ll call the Khartoum Derby!  Why do Brits pronounce it “darby”?

Other questions of equal importance Noob has:  Why do vacuum cleaners of all makes and models never work consistently or last?  Why has Noob never owned a car with a properly-functioning set of windshield wipers?  Where am I?  What is this place?  Where did I leave my pants, and did Noob have a good time?   RESULT:   Al Khartoum   0-2

   Noob’s Friday night wingman.

9. Al-Jaish vs. Al-Wahda – Syria Premier

It’s a first-time visit for Noob!  This league’s season is really just starting.  This match features last year’s 1^st and 3^rd place clubs.  Al-Jaish is one of five club teams that call Damascus home.  They are our second Tracked club today that are “The Miners”.   PPD

   This is a solid crest, Al-Jaish.  Yet it looks Lego-y when not looking quite directly at it.

10. Ndanda vs. Njombe Miji – Tanzania Premier

Another first-time foray for Noober!  This game merely features 11^th vs 15^th place.  But we’re here, we’re learning together.  It’s the holidays and these experiences together are important.

Ndanda FC is based in Mtwara, which is the name of the both the city and region.  The city was built by the British, meant to be home to 200,000 people.  It’s only ever had about 80,000.   They wanted to grow peanuts there and export them, constructing a deep port as well.  The climate is completely unsuitable for this crop, and so the plan failed spectacularly.

The Management:  Um, Noob?  A lot of the humor stuff here is…well, words fail.  But when you present these fake historical anecdotes, it’s just plain old disconcerting.

Ok, Doubting The Management, but know that some of these are true!  Use your Google powers to fact check if you choose.  Put “Tanganyika Groundnut Scheme” in the search engine, see for yourself it won’t start smoking.   RESULT:   1-1

   Resident engineer helping plan the deep port at Mtwara.  Or is it?

 

 

Happy Thanksgiving!

The first eight of Noob’s 10 to Track today are from Europe’s second-best tournament – Europa League!   Sure, it’s not as shiny as Champions League, but these teams are plenty good.  And the winner of the whole shebang qualifies for next year’s CL!

Like CL, they’re playing the fourth of six games each in the Group Stage now.  The top two teams from each pod will advance to the Knockout Stage.

1. Nice vs. Zulte-Waregem

After dropping down from Champions League, Nice is in 2^nd place here.  They have almost no chance to win this Group, and their Belgian guests are two points more back.  ZW is losing by an average score of 2-1 these last four games.   As advertised, Nice cannot win the Group now, but they DO advance!   RESULT:   Nice   3-1

B.  Braga vs. Hoffenheim

Hoffenheim got the boot from CL, and they’re in just 3^rd place here.  Portuguese side Braga is three points on them, and only trail 1^st place by one.  The Germans are both scoring and giving up more goals then the others in this Group, so fans of offense should enjoy this match.   Braga could still drop to 2nd place with a game to go, but they will advance!   RESULT:   Braga   3-1

     Portuguese harvest festival

3. AC Milan vs. Austria Vienna

Austria Vienna needs to move west, because they’re the Swiss cheese defense.   1^st place Milan has yet to lose in Group, on paper don’t appear to be threatened by 3^rd place AV.   Milan is Group winner!   RESULT:   Milan   5-1

4. Astana vs Villareal

This might be the most competitive match from this event today.  Kazakhstani Astana is in 1^st place after getting dropped down from CL, though just one point up on Villareal.  Being from the stronger league, it’s hard not favor the Spanish club here, but the home side has been equaling them in Group.   Villareal will advance!  Astana is in 3rd, a point out of 2nd.   RESULT:   Villareal   2-3

   South Kazakh turkey.  Noob’s sure it vastly different from a northern one.

5. Lokomotiv Moscow vs. Copenhagen

These two are from the tightest Group in action today.   Lokomotiv’s in 3^rd, one point behind two clubs.  Copehagen is one of those, another casualty from Champions League.   LM moves into 2nd, one point out of 1st, two points ahead of Copenhagen.   RESULT:   LMoscow   2-1

6. Partizan vs. Young Boys

Serbian Partizan Belgrade comes here from CL as well and is in 2^nd place.  Dynamo Kiev is way up on them, but they in turn are two points up on the Swiss side.   Young Boys of Bern has yet to win a Group stage match, can’t keep pulling just draws if they want to advance.   Partizan will advance!  They are two points behind 1st play Dynamo Kiev, whom the play in their final Group match.   RESULT:   2-1

   Serbian young officers being blessed at their Thanksgiving.

7. BATE Borisov vs. Red Star Belgrade

The Belarussian hosts having given up -ten- goals so far.   It’s a mystery to Noob how they are just one point behind 2^nd place RSB.  The Serbian visitors take the air completely out of the ball, with only four goals scored collectively in their games.   Looks like Red Star controlled the pace.  They are in a dead heat for 2nd, and just one point ahead of BATE.   RESULT:   0-0

8. Ostersund vs. Zorya Lunhansk

This Group is turned upside down from what most anyone likely expected.   The host Swedes lead Zorya by a point.   3^rd and 4^th place teams from Spain and Germany can’t probably both catch up and advance with just two games to go.   Ostersund qualify to the Knockout stage!   Zorya must be 2nd place Bilbao in their final Group match to do the same.   RESULT:   Ostersund   2-0

   Now THAT’S how to go about carving your turkey.

9. Flamengo vs. Atletico Junior – Copa Sudamericana

Welcome back to South America’s version of Europa League, Noobites!   It’s the first leg of the Semifinal.  Brazil.  Colombia.   FIIIIGHT!!   RESULT:   Flamengo   2-1

10. Al Shamal vs. Al Shahaniya – Qatargas League

Is this truly one of the ten most important league games in the entire world for us, the newish American soccer fan?    Maaaaybe not.   But, strangely, there just weren’t a single league on the globe that offered a game that met Noob’s standard criteria for consideration.

Noob can’t tell you much (read: anything) about this league, other than it’s the second -highest league in Qatar.  But the match is 3^rd hosting 1^st place.

Noobstradamus has had a vision!   I was wandering the abandoned fort town of Zubarah in the district of Shamal.  The odds of finding a former shop or home with one of the famed pearls from the coast were slim.   An Utub man materialized in front of me, said there was no treasure left to be hunted there.  And that Al Shamal would get thumped 1-5.   Ouch.   Maybe I should’ve gone with the guy in the photo.   RESULT:   1-1

        Nope.  Wasn’t this guy.   My Bani Utbah guy was way cooler.

Today’s 10 most important matches to Track  for us – the newish American soccer fans – is highlighted again by the best from UEFA Champions League group stage.

Pods of four.  Each club plays six games.  The top two finishers move on to the Knockout Stage.  3rd placers are demoted to the ongoing Europa League.  These are some of the fifth of those six games to be played.

1. Juventus vs. Barcelona – UEFA Champions League

This has to be the top-heaviest Group.  Juve in 2^nd,  three points in back of Barcelona.  It’s almost or already mathematically guaranteed now that one of them will finish 1^st.  The visitors are this Group’s only side with a positive GD.   Barcelona will advance!  Juve still has to fend off FC Porto one point back.   RESULT:   0-0

  Top-heaviness, redefined

B.  Atletico Madrid vs. AS Roma – UEFA Champions League

This is the collectively second-strongest match today.  That said, Atletico didn’t win any of their four Group matches.  Amazingly, they could still win the Group, though they’re four points behind 2^nd place.  AS Roma is in 1^st by just a point.   Roma gives up first place to Chelsea.  But they’re still two points up on Atletico, and they get hapless Qarabag for their last Group match.   RESULT:   Atletico Madrid   2-0

3. Qarabag vs. Chelsea – UEFA Champions League

These two are in the same Group as entry #B above, 4^th and 2^nd place respectively.   The Azerbaijanis should get housed even on their own pitch.   RESULT:   Chelsea   0-4

   Biiihg government house in Baku!

4. FC Basel vs. Manchester United – UEFA Champions League

Man U is 4-0-0, already guaranteed to advance to the Knockout Stage.  Basel is tied for 2^nd on points, up big on GD tiebreaker with CSKA Moscow.   Which of these other two will advance out of this Group is perhaps the most intriguing question moving towards being answered today.   Swiss upset!!  They’re still just tied for 2nd with CSKA Moscow, but they also fave 0-0-5 Benifica for their final match.   RESULT:   Basel   1-0

5. Paris Saint-Germain vs. Celtic – UEFA Champions League

Celtic can finish no higher than 3^rd, get dropped into a Europa League slot.  PSG is in 1^st by three points over Bayern Munich.  The French hosts with not be hospitable.   Understatement, anyone?   RESULT:   PSG   7-1

   Perhaps he’s not with PSG

6. Toluca vs. Morelia – Liga MX

It’s the Liguilla!  A Review:  Like many Latin American countries’ leagues, this one’s year is split into two seasons.  The first half – the Apertura – just wrapped up it’s regular league games.  Now the top eight play a mini-tournament, the Liguilla.   The winner of this event and the winner of the team that wins the Liguilla after the second half – the Clausura – face off for the overall championship.

This is the First Round of the Apertura’s Liguilla.  Each pair of teams faces of in a two-legged tie (play two matches, home and away.  The lesser seed hosts the first leg.   #5 Toluca gets #4 Morelia here.   The hosts here are a weird case.  They scored a whopping 20 goals over their home games.   Yet they only managed four on the road.   RESULT:   Toluca   1-0

7. Tampico Madero vs. FC Juarez – Ascenso MX

Mexico’s second-tier league has its Apertura Liguilla first round already in the books.  This is event is going to continue to be REALLY competitive.  In league, the top dozen teams of 16 were separated by only eight points in the standings.  One could starve a mouse on the difference between these, the #3 and #2 seeds.   RESULT:   2-2

   “The Brave Crab”?   Alrighty then

8. Gremio vs. Lanus – Copa Libertadores

The final of South America’s version of Champions League is here!   This match is the first of two legs.  Quite unsurprising that Brazilian and Argentinian clubs are here.  Over the Knockout Stage – the last six matches – Gremio’s given up just one goal.  Lanus is just as good on paper overall though.  #2 and #3 seeds making for a worth Final.   RESULT:   Gremio   1-0

9. Australia vs. China – international women’s friendly

The Matildas are #6 ranked by FIFA and have won five in a row against quality competition (including the U.S. and Japan.  China’s ranked #13.   RESULT:   Aus   3-0

  Matilda – a traveler’s bag, in Australia

10. Cape Town City vs. Baroka – South Africa Premiere

This one was slated for yesterday, is now for today.  Noob isn’t posting much on it.  Baroka’s armadillo-beaver-looking mascot freaked me out.   Nope, it got played yesterday after all.   RESULT:   1-1

What do we want?  The ten most important soccer games to which to pay attention from perspective of the newish American fan!   What else do we want?   A smoother way to say to above!

Remember to check back to each day’s T2T to see the Results as well.

1. Columbus Crew vs. Toronto FC – MLS playoffs (ESPN, 8pm ET)

It’s the first leg of the MLS Cup semifinal round!  Only Atlanta was in #1 seed Toronto’s class all season when it came to offense.  #5 Columbus’ season goal differential was barely positive.  They win close or not at all.  Which side can control the pace?

Noob wonders how weird the fan situation is there in Ohio.  Every day, it’s looking more and more like the team might get moved to Austin.   RESULT:   0-0

B.  Houston Dynamo vs. Seattle Sounders – MLS playoffs (FS1, 9:30pm ET)

Merr!   The Management and I have nothing but disdain for Swamp Cities and their teams.   But thanks to the first ever hardcore soccer fan I ever met being a douchebag TA in college being a bandwagon Sounders fan, Noob loathes (#2) Seattle.

The #4 Dynamo play a bit of a quicker style than Seattle.  This could well be the more interesting game to watch .   RESULT:   Seattle   0-2

Seattle      .

Sevilla vs. Liverpool – UEFA Champions League

We’re still in the Group Stage, two matches to go for all clubs.  Groups of four teams playing double round robins to determine which two will advance to the Knockout Round of 32.  3^rd place teams will get dropped into the current Europa League.

Liverpool is in first and has already guaranteed themselves to finish no worse than 3^rd.  Sevilla is just a point, and finishing 1^st vs 2^nd might well matter for seeding/placement in the Knockout stage.  Even at home, noob suspects outgunned Sevilla would be happy with a draw.   Liverpool blows a 3-0 halftime lead!   Sevilla get a goal in the 93rd minute.   Liverpool will almost certainly still advance, but now winning the group is a question.   RESULT:   3-3

   Maybe Faramir has some faith in the Spaniards’ offense.

4. Shakhtar Donetsk vs. Napoli – UEFA Champions League

Napoli’s been playing famously this season Italy’s Serie A.  They’re falling apart in the international stage though.  They have to win both their remaining two games to have any chance of advancing.  Their Ukrainian hosts can’t do worse than 3^rd.   To finish 2nd, Napoli now need to beat last place Rotterdam in their last Group match, see Shakhtar Donestsk lose to Man City, and make up the two point GD.   RESULT:   0-0

5. Besiktas vs. FC Porto – UEFA Champions League

Turkish Besiktas can’t finish lower than 3^rd place now.   2^nd place Porto is four points behind them.  Staying ahead of German power RB Leipzig will be challenge enough for the Portuguese side.  They’ve had trouble defensively, giving up almost two goals per game.   The Turks will advance!   Porto is now tied with Leipzig, though ahead by two on GD.   RESULT:   1-1

  Tiny Germans are lurking!

6. Pachuca vs. Atlante – Copx MX

How is second-tier Atlante still alive for this Semifinal?!  They’re in dead last in Ascenso MX league. Pachuca finished just 12^th in Liga MX.  The winner of this one-off gets the privilege of getting decimated by #1 Monterrey in the Final.   RESULT:   Puchuca   2-0

7. Sydney FC vs. Adelaide United – Australian FFA Cup

It’s the final!  Sydney FC is the unquestioned powerhouse down under, and in 1^st place early in their current league season.  Adelaide is in 5^th place, a fair sight better than second-to-last the previous year.  Taking down the host Sky Blues would be an awfully big upset.   Hail to the victors, champions!   RESULT:   Sydney FC   2-1

    Forrest, why did you wait so long for the number seven?

8. Libertad vs. independiente – Copa Sudamericana

This is the first match of a two-legged Semifinal tie in South America’s equivalent of Europa League.  And it should be a dandy.  This being in Paraguay should give Libertad enough of a boost to fairly call this match even.  Argentinian Independiente may well be happy to play for a draw, then put Libertad away at their own place.   RESULT:   1-1

9. Saprissa vs. Santos – Costa Rica Premier

It’s getting toward the end of this league’s Apertura.  Both here have already qualified for the postseason Quadrangular, and event we’ll learn more about after the Clausura part of their year.  They’ll finish in 2^nd and 3^rd place no matter what happens today.   now slatted for 11/23

10. Cape Town City FC vs. Baroka FC – South Africa Premier

1^st place hosts 3^rd here.   CTC finished near the top of this league last season.  Baroka had to survive a relegation avoidance event just to stay in the Premier, so they’re a pleasant surprise.   The excel defensively, so the question is if the host can make it a wide open game.   RESULT:   1-1

  What the devil is that animal/catcher’s mitt?

Monday blues?   Let’s turn frowns upside down!  Don’t punch Noob, it’s just Relegation Monday!

Since it’s hard this day of the week to find ten “important” games in the league we most often cover, we spend much of the space on matches involving teams that are in positions to be Relegated.  If they remain where they are in their standings, they will get booted down a league.  Together, we learn a little about the teams that may not be around for us to Track much longer.

First, some non-Relegation action:

1. Brighton & Hove Albion vs. Stoke City – English Premier

Are you ready for some footbaaaaaaal?   I wonder who the English version of Hank Williams, Jr. would be?

9^th vs. 15^th in the only EPL game today.   B&H only scores at a goal a game, so it’s surprising even with good defense they’re at .500 on the year.   Stoke City can’t stop anybody.   RESULT:   2-2

   When asked who the Brit version of Hank WIlliams, Jr. might be, Staffer Dan-o came up with Robbie Williams.  Noob thinks before saying word one to this guy, Hank would punch his dumb face and forcefeed him a full fifth of straight Jack Daniels.  As favors.

B.  PAOK Salonika vs. Atromitos – Greek Super League

4^th hosts 2^nd in a match that’s really even better, as they’ve played one less match than most other clubs.    Both clubs are defensive stalwarts, so anything but 0-0 or 1-0/0-1 would be surprising.   Surprise!   RESULT:   Salonika   2-1

3. Persepolis vs. Padideh – Persian Gulf Pro League

They’re only about 1/3 of the way into the season, but 4^th place Padideh is substantially out of the top three.  These are the only slots that will get 2018 AFC Champions League berths.   The visiting Khorasaniha – named for Noob believes a synagogue there in Mashhad, Iran – need to shore up the defense.   RESULT:   0-0

  Khorasan Synagogue

And now, Relegation Monday!

4. Hellas Verona vs. Bologna – Italian Serie A

Noob wants to watch a match in Italia/ Gonna make my way to Stadio Bentegod-a/ B-e—n—t—a-goaad-ah./

Home side Bologna’s in 13^th place/ While the visitors are stuck in Relegation Zone-ah/ Hellas Verona.

Hellas Veroohh-nahhhh!  Duhn duhduh dah dunh duhnduhn…. *guitar riff*   RESULT:   Bologna   2-3

5. SC Amiens vs. Lille – French Ligue

It’s an almost unadulterated double feature!   Amiens is in second-to-last, in danger of being auto-dropped at season’s end.   Lille is only one spot above them.  Whichever club finishes there plays a match with the 3^rd place side from Ligue 2 to determine which plays top-flite the following year.

Amiens plays in a city of the same name, as they have for 116 years.  And this is their first time ever in Ligue 1!   The victors vault out of the Drop Zone, to 12th!   RESULT:   Amiens   3-0

6. Karabukspor vs. Kasimpasa – Turkey Super Lig

I don’t have a Kinks or other classic rock song for this one.  Sorry.  Contain your grief!  16th hosts 14^th here.

Karabukspor is “The Blue Flame“.  This is especially cool if you lean towards teams that identify as “workers’ clubs”.  The nickname comes from a local metalworks factory with a blue flame coming out a chimney that’s always burning.   RESULT:   Kasimpasa   0-2

7. Olimpo de Bahia Blanca vs. Godoy Cruz de Mendoza – Superliga Argentina

We’ve had Olimpo here before.   They still sit in the highest spot – most likely to climb out – in the Relegation portion of Argentina’s multi-year standings used to compute who gets the boot.

Fun fact:   Bahia Blanca is home to at least two large-canvas oil paintings by premiere “port painter” and one of Argentina’s all-time greats, Benito Quinquela Martin.   RESULT:   1-1

  Deep earth tones accented with those bright blues.  Eye-catching.

8. Avai vs. Palmeiras – Brazil Serie A

Avai is in 19^th place out of 20.  The one small thing they have going for them today is that the two teams above them in the Relegation zone have played one more game.  That said, they only have three left themselves.  And 3^rd place Palmeiras in town is anything but good news.

Avai is known as “The Lion of the Island”.  Most of their home city of Floriopolis is on Santa Catarina Island.   Upset!!   RESULT:   Avai   2-1

9. Voluntari vs. Vitorul Constata – Romania Liga I

Two or three teams will be dropped down from this league.  Voluntari isn’t as low as all that, but they are in the bottom half of the standings.  All those teams will be playing in a Relegation avoidance mini-tournament at season’s end.  VC – the defending champ – is in 5^th.

Pretty sure Voluntari is where the extra-evil vampire family from the “Twilight” saga is from.   RESULT:   0-0

   Those were the scariest documentaries Noob has ever heard tell of.

The Management interrupting here.   Where do I even begin?   1) Those are the Volturi.  2)  Documentaries?  Vampires??

Relax, The Management.  Noob just likes seeing you get worked up, showing off your tweener cinematic knowledge.

The Management:  You asshat.

Noob holds firm to the idea every live action movie ever made is based on real life.  It only makes sense!  Otherwise it would have to be animated.

10. Blooming vs. Universitario de Sucre – Bolivian Pro League

Universitario isn’t crapping the bed here in the Clausura.  But they did so poorly the first part of the season that they’re on last place on the league’s aggregate table.  They probably won’t get a goal against defensive-minded, 3^rd-place Blooming.   Great defense and no-offense collide!

The U’s nickname is “Los Doctos” – “The Learned”.   High and mighty ivory tower such and suches!  Enjoy getting the boot next year, ya’ snobs.   Turns out this one was played Sunday.   In any case, RESULT:   Blooming   4-0

   I spend more on hair and mustache gel then you can on food, plebes.