Soccernoob

’10 to Track’ Saturday (11/24) match previews – Copa Libertadores final, engage!

International Break is done. Players who star for their countries’ national teams are returned again to their clubs. We can give thanks now, carbo-load on domestic league action.

1. River Plate vs. Boca Juniors – Copa Libertadores

The Final! This is event is South America’s version of Champions League. And it’s been one for the ages. While they are not way up in the table in Argentina’s Primera this particular season, these are two of the greatest historical clubs in country.

The first match of this two-legged tie for the title went 2-2. That was at Juniors, and now they will play at River’s stadium. Not that either is much of a true away game for the other. Both clubs are from greater Buenos Aires, another reason they’re such gigantic rivals.

RESULT: ppd The match has been delayed until tomorrow. River Plate fans attacked Juniors’ bus. Tear gas police used to disperse the crowd got into the bus, making the Juniors’ players extremely ill.

Update, 11/25 — the match is not postponed indefinitely. The powers that be will meet in two days. They insist their intention is to see the game played.

B. Pachuca vs. Leon – Liga MX

The last matches of the Apertura (first-half season) are being played. This one has the most meaning.

Top eight make the Liguilla (postseason tournament) and Pachuca are in 9^th. But if they win today, they’re in. In fact, they could even climb as high as 6^th, pending other match results. A draw would get them nothing, has to be a W. They were streaking hard towards the Liguilla, scoring like crazy, when they had a massive hiccup right before the Break – a scoreless draw with bottom-feeders Atlas.

Leon haven’t even scored in three matches. Pachuca will be in the Liguilla.

RESULT: Pachuca 1-1

Image result for letter B works hard

International Break is done. Number B, let’s get that bear back to work.

3. Atletico Madrid vs. Barcelona – La Liga

The table had been all mixed up compared to normal in Spain right until just before International Break began. But now things have seemingly returned to near-normal.

Barcelona are #1, but lead the next two teams by just one point in the table.. They’d been on a long non-losing streak in-league, but suffered a strange loss to lowly Real Betis right before the Break. They score nearly three goals per match. Outrageous.

Atletico Madrid are one of the clubs tied for #B. They score and concede fewer than half as many as Barcelona on both counts.

RESULT: 1-1

4. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur vs. Chelsea – English Premier League

A dozen matches into the season and there are still three undefeated teams here. Chelsea is the third-place of them. Noob-dreaded Hotspur are in 4^th, just a point behind them in the table, despite three losses.

For less-seasoned Noobites, Hotspur are named for multi-time traitor-to-kings Harry Hotspur. It raises Noobs ire that something as beloved as a football club would be named for such a cretinous yahoo. We shall carry no truck with such! In a soon-coming interview with TottenhamHotspurWorld’s Will Rivard, perhaps some sort of explanation will come. Can’t imagine one that would excuse it, but we shall see.

Aaaaanyway. Over Hotspur’s current league three-match win streak, they’ve been winning both shootouts and defensive affairs. The biggest name to know for them is striker Harry Kane.

Chelsea are more potent on offense on the season, yet have ridden their D over there own three-match non-losing streak. Kepa Arrizabalega is their goalie with the fun name to say, though Noob thinks the strength of their defense is actually the defenders in front of him.

RESULT: Hotspur 3-1 In a rout! Kane with a goal, Chirstian Eriksen with two assits

Image result for angry fat controller

Sir Topham Hatt calls out Will Rivard.

Spicy.

5. Toluca vs. CF America – Liga MX Femenil

The regular season Apertura is done and the Liguilla has begun for Mexico’s top-flite women’s clubs! The top four from each of the league’s two Groups qualified. In all rounds, the teams will play two-legged ties (home-and-away series) to determine which advances.

Despite finishing 3^rd in their Group, Toluca entered as the #6 seed. They apparently lost every tiebreaker with the other two teams in the league that had the same number of points in the table as they did. Noob thinks they’re the second-best team in the league. Thankfully, they’re on the other side of the bracket as #1-seed Tigres UANL, could meet them for the title.

That possibility is in real jeopardy though. They got just a draw in the first leg at home versus #2-seed CFA. Based on regular season numbers. Toluca is likely to push the pace. At home, can their defense hold up enough?

RESULT: CFA 3-1 On to the Semis for America!

6. Real España vs. Olimpia – Honduras National League

They’re also in the Apertura postseason in Honduras. The top six finishers qualified for the Playoffs. This is the first leg of a Quarterfinal. #5 seed Real pulled the minor upset, advancing over #4 Marathon. As the #B seed, Olimpia enters the bracket only now.

Real must be a hoot to watch. Stats show they absolutely live the “good offense is the best defense” old saw. Highest-scoring team in the league, but gave up nearly as many. Olimpia are really well-balanced, yet who know what will happen against run-and-gunners like Real.

RESULT: 2-2

Image result for Honduras owl

Hoot hoot. The rare Honduran panda owl is the mascot of Olimpia.

No chance Noob just made that up.

7. Amical Club vs. Arsenal – Guadeloupe Division d’Honneur

As a French Overseas Territory and not fully sovereign, Guadeloupe doesn’t get to be in FIFA. But as a Caribbean country, they’re welcome in CONCACAF! Halloo, neighbors.

Top two finishers in this league qualify for the Caribbean Football Union (subdivision of CONCACAF) Club Championship. In turn, that event is a qualifier for our federation’s Championss League.

It’s very early in the season here and three undefeated teams remain. These two are in 3^rd and 1^st place. Amical look like a “small-ball” squad. Pack it in on defense, don’t worry about scoring. Half their matches have been draws and they’ll get many more. Arsenal and Moulien are going to be the real contenders.

8. Radnicki Nis vs. Red Star Belgrade – Serbia Super Liga

Let’s hop back over to Europe for a hawt #B-#1 matchup. Serbia’s is a league on the rise, cracking the top 20 in the rankings for 2019. But only the top 15 leagues qualify two teams into Champions League, so it’s still winners-take-all here.

The season’s roughly half over here and Red Star are once again the rampant force. Undefeated, and only one team has even earned a draw with them. And that wasn’t Nis. Red Star took their first match this year in Belgrade 2-0. They dominate so much on both sides of the ball, Noob thinks the best Nis can reasonably manage today is to keep the margin to a one-goals loss on their own pitch.

RESULT: 2-2

Image result for domination funny

Radnicki Nis would a lovely name for a keetee.

9. Zeta vs. Sutjeska – Montenegro First Division

Just the 49th-rated league in Europe? That doesn’t stop the Track from making it’s way here. We’re gonna know our football world. And what are they gonna do? Some countries are just smaller.

Plus, this is shaping up to be a fantastic title race. Sutjeska lead the league and nearly the halfway mark, just two points up in Zeta (with whom Noob is less familiar) and Buducnost Podgorica (historical big team here).

Sutjeska look to have the offense to create some separation over the next couple months and snag the trophy. But Zeta are about as good on defense. If they can control the pace at home, slow things down, no reason to think they can’t get a result in their own stadium today.

RESULT: 0-0

Honorable Mention: Congrats to Norwegian Eliteserien champions Rosenborg! They’ll head to Champions League. The other two slots for Europa league are also sewn up here late in their season. And so we say goodbye to Norway league footyball until next summer. Soon, they all go hibernate for six months, then start training again.

10. Al-Jazeera vs. Shabab Al-Ordon – Jordan Premier League

Never, ever ask Noob to ignore the shiny luster of a #1-#B matchup. I’ll either gnash my teeth at you or start crying like a small child. Hey, head-med dosages are tricky. Back off.

Jordan’s league is #16 in Asia, just below the 1/3 notch on that ladder. Looking at their whole table, it seems like no one scores a lot here. They’re the Mr. Glass to the unbreakable David Dunn that is Tahiti, where they score goals as easy as taking in a little sun.

That said, undefeated Al-Jazeera are the outlier, scoring almost two goals per match. They finished runners-up to the then even higher-scoring Al-Wehda last season. Al-Ordon are tied for #B with also-undefeated Al-Salt.

RESULT: 1-1

Image result for Philly hates santa Noob wonders if they hate Santa in Amman, Jordan (home of Al-Jazeera).

It was known as Philadelphia during Roman and Greek times there.

’10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday – Liga MX, Ligue 1, and soccer hinterlands of wonder

International Break is over. Football club fans can breathe again. Hey, UEFA Nations league turned out pretty hawt in its Group Stage though.

Now we’re back into the club scene. On Friday’s, the scheds always run fairly light. But that just gives is a chance to jet-set around the world together.

The Track starts close to home, as always. Pretty Eurocentric all the way around, though we’ll bounce to some less-visited leagues there before we meander even farther.

Turn ON electronic devices, smoke ’em if you got ’em and don’t wait – help yourself to the drink cart in back. Let’s take off!

1. Morelia vs. Cruz Azul – Liga MX

We ease out of International Break – when so many of the top domestic leagues everywhere have been off so that players can take part on their home National Teams’ matches – with a dandy in Mexico.

Every club is about to play their last match of the Apertura. (That’s the first half-season. Most of Latin America has two separate league tournaments each year.) The top half the league (eight clubs) will qualify for the Liguilla (postseason tournament).

Cruz Azul lead second-place CF America by three points in the table. That means if they can manage any kind of result (win or draw, worth three points and one, respectively), they will have wrapped up the #1 seed. True to form from all season, Cruz Azul has only allowed two goals in their last five matches, all wins and draws for them.

Morelia are currently #8, clinging to that last Liguilla berth. Obviously, this is a daunting last match, but at least they get to host it. With a win, they could actually climb as high as 5^th place. A loss or even a draw opens the door for the two teams which are two points behind them.

Morelia are as good on offense as their defensively-leaning guests today. But they allow about twice as many goals. Noob thinks they’re good for no better than a draw on their own pitch today. (8:00 PM Eastern, Univision Deportes)

RESULT: Cruz 0-2

B. Lyon vs. St. Etienne – France Ligue 1

This is the best European match of the day, though there are only three being held in the top leagues there. It comes from a league that’s catching a lot of criticism this year. The league has been slipping in the UEFA rankings, and now only its top three clubs will qualify for the next Champions League (the pinnacle of international club tournament competition).

Also, it’s considered a one-club league for quality this year. Paris Saint-Germain are 13-0-0. The other 19 clubs are being referred to as a “farmer’s league”.

** A what? Noob had this answered for us on the Bros Talking Soccer podcast recently as a listener question they fielded. It’s a demeaning term for amateur or semi-pro clubs or leagues in which the players all have day jobs. Think “beer league” or “rec league” as a rough American equivalent from softball or other sports, though those aren’t quite as disparaging. **

In what is otherwise a very tight table, these two are in 4^th and 5^th place. Lyon have been the more successful team recently, as their competing in the currently-running Champions League. In their last 10 league matches, they only lost one to someone other than PSG. Still, the defense has only been meh.

St. Etienne get a lot of low-scoring draws, don’t appear to have the firepower to compete for a top-three spot. But they’ve not lost in their last four matches, and so can’t be discounted, even in on the road. (3:00 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT: Lyon 1-0 Though those around them now have a game in hand over Lyon, the win today puts them in #B.

Number B sees no issue with idea of a farmers league.

3. Go Ahead Eagles vs. TOP Oss – Netherlands Eerste Divisie

This is from one of Europe’s better footballing countries, though not its top league. Eerste is the Dutch second division.

Coolly-named Go Ahead Eagles (who were originally “Be Quick”. Really.) are in 1^st. That’s the only table position guaranteed to get Promoted to Eredivisie (the Dutch Premier League). At least one other will move up, but there will be playoffs at season’s end to determine what club or clubs get to move up as well.

Top OSS are in 4^th. They don’t play “small ball”, but concede the fewest goals in the league at the expense of scoring a very pedestrian amount of goals themselves. They’re not the direct threat for the title that #B Sparta Rotterdam is.

RESULT: Oss 0-1 With the upset, Oss remain in 4th, but now only two points behind the three co-leaders.

4. Olimpija Ljubljana vs. Mura – Slovenia Prva Liga

Now we deep further down the UEFA domestic rankings to league #30. That’s a touch below average, but remember that Europe’s is the top confederation in the world. And hey – they’re playing. It’s Friday 😛

The majority of leagues qualify just one club to Champions League, which is the case here. Only two teams are at all competing for the title. Ljubljana and Maribor are the two perennial powerhouses and current leaders. Ljubljana trail them by four points in the table here at about the season’s halfway point.

The second-best European international tournament for clubs is the Europa League. Mura is in 3^rd right now, just high enough to snag one of those slots. Noob thinks Domzale is going to pass them soon, after the drubbing Mura will endure today.

RESULT: 2-2 Mura with the come-from-behind W! Goals for them at 89′ and 90′. Your a bright, shining star, Tomi Horvat!

Slovenia! Come for the footyball, stay for the…stern-looking comedy clubs?

That’s comedian Marjan Sarec.

5. Flamutari vs. Partizani Tirana – Albania Super League

So the top 30 is about as far down the rankings as Noob looks in Europe for matches with which to intrigue and delight. But now is when we begin our true Friday Globetrotting, Noobites!

Albania’s league is just a little further down the ladder from Slovenia’s (#34). Naturally, they also get just one team into Champions League. Tirana are #1, two points up on Skenderbeu Korce. These are the only two realistic title-chasers.

If you recognize the name Skenderbeu, congratulations! They’ve been on Noob before, noteworthy for having been banned 10 years from international competion for match-fixing. Flamutari are in 6^th.

RESULT: Falmutari 1-0 Upset City!

6. Balzan vs. Hamrun Spartans – Malta Premier

Couple o’ midtable teams from Malta. #47 league in Europe. Let’s just Fun Fact these bad boys.

Fun Fact: The village of Balzan is only a few thousand people. But it’s part of an area known as Three Villages and borders the city of Birkirkara (country’s second-largest).

Fun Fact: Hamrun are also nicknamed tas-sikkina, meaning “of the knife”, roughly. It might refer to many people from there being stevedores on the docks, or to Sicilians living there illegally in the 1500’s who were known to do dances that involved pulling the stiletto knives from their socks and waving them around.

RESULT: 2-2

7. Gibraltar United vs. Glacis United – Gibraltar Premier

League #51 of 55! When you’ve only got a population of maybe 35,000 people, hard to climb very high. Gibraltar United is in 3^rd. They’re fewer than ten matches into the season, but it already appears they won’t have the defense to keep up with the usual championship suspects – Europa FC and Lincoln Red Imps. Glacis are in 7^th.

RESULT: United 2-1

8. Ferizaj vs. Prishtina – Kosovo Premier

Kosovo’s league is #53. That’s so low, the country only gets two clubs into the Europa League instead of the more usual three.

But this may be mostly due to how new specifically-Kosovar football is. They’ve only had their own recognize football federation since the 2016-17, and didn’t start earning points for ranking until a year after that. With a population of about two million, they should be able to raise the league to a a higher profile in time.

Ferizaj are in second-to-last place, a position that would get them Relegated at season’s end. So yes, there is at least one more level if football there. Prishtina wouldn’t know. They’re in 1^st, having only given up four goals in fifteen matches.

RESULT: 0-0

Prishtina was the best club from what is now Kosovo back in the Yugoslav First League days.

9. Aiglon vs. New Star – Martinique Division d’Honneur

That southern European weather was dreamy for a couple matches there. Kosovo? Eh. So to the Carribbean we go!

Powerhouse league? Nah. But despite being a French Overseas Territory (and so non-FIFA member), in CONCACAF. Hallooooo, neighbors.

The top two finishers in this league will qualify for the Caribbean Football Union (subgroup of CONCACAF) Club Championship. That event, in turn, serves as a qualifier for the CONCACAF Champions League. It’s very early, but Aiglon are #B and the numbers indicate they’ll stay there and have only one threat for the title. New Star are 5th place.

RESULT: Aiglon 2-1

10. Al Hudod – Al Quwa Al Jawiya – Iraq Premier

We finish our Trekking Track in Asia! This isn’t quite a top-ten league there, but close, and high enough that they qualify the maximum two teams into the AFC Champions League.

Al Jawiya were runners-up last year, 6-0-0 so for this season. Early results indicate Al Shorta likely to be their top threat. It certainly won’t be Al Hudod, wallowing down in 13^th. Why so bad? See that there? Noob just scored on Hudod. There, it happened again. Bless you. Someone sneezed and scored on ’em. You get the idea.

RESULT: Hudod 1-0 A clean sheet? Well, well!

So long from Baghdad, home of Al Hudod!

Statue of Karahmana and the forty jars

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition – Visiting a newish league, taking on Subway

The Midweek Track, where instead of ten matches each day, Noob teases out the same number over three days. Ooh la LAH.

But what IS Noob? Noob is introducing the newish American fans of the global game to the leagues and tournaments of the world. Local first, but ogling everywhere.

The Tracks are the backbone of the project. Ten matches that can matter most for us. More, Noob tells you the stakes, WHY each match matters. And I like to think sometimes that’s even new and fun for seasoned fans of the game.

And it’s Noob Sandwich Reviewoobs! That madness lurks below (and after that, previous days’ match results.

Thursday

10. FC Goa vs. Bengalaru – India Super League

We finish the Midweek Track in a country with two “top-flite” leagues. (The other is the I-League.) ISL is similar to America’s Major League Soccer in that it is not part of a promotion/relegation system. (The I-League is.) Like MLS, it is run on more of a franchise-system. This is just the league’s fifth season, and it only received formal recognition by the Asian Football Confederation last season.

The AFC ranks “India club competitions” as #14. Noob’s not certain yet if that is a reference to both India’s leagues or just I-League, and so I am uncertain of the quality of this particular league. But this is Noob and this is part of what we do, learning the game from all over, and learning is a process.

Goa are currently #1 this young season, but they’ve played two more matches than #B Bengalaru. It’s the latter who are undefeated so far. Just like last year this is a clash of styles. Bengalaru can do it all, but lean more on defense. Goa don’t seem to believe in defense even a little, but score seemingly at will.

RESULT: Bengalaru 1-2 High drama in the battle for first! The visitors led 0-1. Then Mohamed Ali (yep) got yellows at 36′ and 47′ to get redded out. Then Bengalaru had a player get a straight red at 59′.

Equalizer for Goa at 72′, but Bengalru gets the decider at 77′.

And since the Midweek was frontloaded on matches, let’s flesh things out here on the back end, indulge in yet another —

NOOB SANDWICH REVIEWOOB!

Indeed, it’s time for the Noob to give his take on another sammich. Because if there’s one thing Noob’s two target niche audiences want more than the footyball goodness here, it’s… whatever the cuss this has been.

But this time, s**t’s about to get real —

Image result for steak and cheese subway sandwich sunflower bread

Yup, Noober’s taking on a brand name. This is Subway’s new Chipotle Steak and Cheese on Sunflower Crunch Bread.

Full disclosure: Noob ordered steak, sans cheese and chipotle. I added spinach, black olives, tomatoes, and a little lite mayo. And I didn’t get it toasted. Repeat. I DECLINED THE TOASTEDNESS. Some of what’s to follow is on me.

The vegetable-condiment combination is a standard for me and was not problematic here. But the steak had no flavor. Not bland flavor. -None-. It was like chewing water as far as taste. Noob’s never experienced the like. I thought perhaps I was having a stroke.

Subway — don’t make sammiches that make someone think he’s having a damn stroke.

And this was nowhere near the greater sin of this sandwich.

Sunflower Crusted Bread – mmmmmm…thanks for coming up with something a quarter-notch better than pencil shavings for to put in my mouth.

It looks like wet bird seed. Well, it might literally be wet bird seed. Crunch? Zero. Bitter taste. While a little of that can be an interesting foil to another primary flavor, remember: nil-flavor steak.

As added punishment, Noob was on the road and got this to go. That meant wet bird seed ALL over my car. Like need-to-have-it-detailed all over. No cohesion between the bird seed and bread.

In a nutshell, sadness reigned. Again, toasting — would this have married the bird seed and bread more closely? Noob’s no culinary-physics expert. Still learning soccer, dang it. Would toasting have given a hint of flavor to the steak? Hard to say.

Noob Sandwich Reviewoobs run on a 0-5 Sammich scale. I give this sandwich 1 1/2 sammiches.

The vegetables and lite mayo couldn’t save this atrocity. While I could credit myself there, I’m calling it a wash for my critical non-toasting error in judgement.

Thank you reading Noob Sandwich Reviewoob. Join the…again, whatever this is by commenting here on the site. Or find me at SoccerNoobUSA on Twittter.

Wednesday

9. Flamengo vs. Gremio – Brazil Serie A

Just one match for your Wednesday Track portion. It comes from South America’s top league, and things are heating up there.

With three league matches to go each, #B Flamengo and #4 Gremio have assured themselves of at least top-six finishes. That means they’ve qualified for next years Copa Libertadores – South America’s version of Champions League.

Neither is guaranteed a top four finish yet, though. Ending the season that high means entering the CL right at the Group Stage, not having to play any prior qualifying stages. More, Flamengo still have a realistic – if not probable – shot at the league title. They trail Palmeiras by five points in the table.

Flamengo have beaten a couple of also-rans 1-0 their last two outings. Before that, they hadn’t won in three matches. Gremio haven’t lost in four matches.

To look at the season-long stats, Gremio haven’t had the offense to quite compete for the trophy. But if recent trends for these two continue, this will be a tactical, low-scoring affair. (6:45 PM, Rede Globe TV International, Premiere Futbol Clube)

RESULT: Flamego 2-0

Tuesday

1. Italy vs. U.S.A. – friendly

The U.S. surely didn’t look like world-beaters when they lost 3-0 in England a few days ago. Their European tour continues now in Italy. The teams are ranked #19 and #23, respectively, by FIFA.

Italy have been playing in the UEFA Nations League. They have finished #B in their Group and not qualify for the Playoffs there.

After missing out on the World Cup, neither side has been doing a lot of winning, as they retool rosters with younger players. It’s all part of getting ready for future international competitions and even the next World Cup cycle.

A key matchup to watch will likely be in the midfield between New York Red Bull Tyler Adams and Jorginho of Chelsea.

Jorginho is a pass-happy fah-reeak, and clearly a talented one to be playing for a top club in the Premier League in England. Adams didn’t play in the U.S.’ last friendly, getting some rest after an MLS playoff match.

RESULT: Italy 1-0 Minor note: turns our the game was held in Genk, Belgium. Major note: This score could’ve been soooooo much worse. U.S. were awful, only holding possession about a quarter of the match.

Image result for too American funny

Beers and eagle heads and American flag-beachwear.

Here we come, Italy!

B. Argentina vs. Mexico – friendly

If this match rings a bell, it’s because it should. The two faced off in Argentina just three days ago, with the home side taking the match 2-0.

Mexico made the World Cup quarterfinals, but have had little success in friendlies since then. Argentina also made the WC quarters, but they’ve only lost once since then. The two are ranked #12 and #16 by FIFA.

RESULT: Argentina 2-0 Mexico actually looked pretty solid on may stat lines

3. Sweden vs. Russia – UEFA Nations League

Once again, here’s a link to Noob’s ‘Explainer’ of what this event is:

http://www.soccernoob.com/2018/01/01/uefa-nations-league-explainer/

This is a League B matchup. Russia lead the Swedes by three in points and in goal differential. That means Sweden needs a big, big win in this last match to overtake the Russians.

They carry FIFA-rankings of #17 and #41. Given that the Russian Premier League is rated well in the top-10 of Europe, Noob was surprised to find their MNT rank so comparatively low. But these things don’t always corelate.

RESULT: Sweden 2-0 And that is just enough – the Swedes advance!

4. Scotland vs. Israel – UEFA Nations League

These League C combatants are tied for the lead in their Group. Last match and winner takes all. Scotland only need a draw to advance, as they hold the GD tiebreaker.

It will be interesting to see how the Scots play this. Their success has been just as much on offense as their D, yet given the situation, playing for a low-scoring draw is certainly defensible.

RESULT: Scotland 3-2 Three goals for Celtic club member James Forrest as the Scots move on!

Image result for Scottish Jew

Um, what? Why?….No…

5. Montenegro vs. Romania – UEFA Nations League

This is another league C matchup. Unlike the previous Groups – including the one in Match #4 above, this Group has four teams.

In truth, this match only matters at all if last-place Lithuania somehow beats or draws with Group leader Serbia. At Serbia. Unlikely.

Serbia lead Montenegro by two points in the table and their tied on GD. So here’s the breakdown: Romania have to win today to have any shot at 1^st. If that happens and Serbia merely draw with (or lose to) Lithuania, Romania wins.

Montenegro and Romania are ranked #39 and #26 worldwide. Noob figures this to be a tossup since it’s in Monenegro.

RESULT: Romania 0-1 Did their part…

6. Kosovo vs. Azerbaijan – UEFA Nations League

Here in League D, all the Groups have four teams. But in this Group, only two are in play for 1^st. Kosovo lead Azerbaijan by two heading into this last match. So a win for the visitors and they win the group. Any other result and Kosovo advances to the Playoffs.

This Group has been a bit of a surprise. Faroe Islands came in with the nest FIFA ranking, the only one in the top 100. And Azerbaijan are 30 notches higher than Kosovo.

RESULT: Kosovo 4-0 …but it’s Kosovo in a rout, so on the playoffs for them!

Image result for Faroe Islands sad

Faroe Islands realty – a wee bit Hobbit-y?

7. Curacao vs. Guadeloupe – CONCACAF Nations League qualification

Scroll on up to yesterday’s post if you need a small refresher on what’s going on, at stake with this tournament.

Curacao have one their first two matches by a combined score of 15-0. That’s good for 5^th place, and looks even better when you recognize most teams around them have already played three of their four games.

Guadeloupe are in 16^th after their first to matches. Based on where these two rank in CONCACAF (not FIFA, as not a member, being a French territory), one might’ve expected their places to be turned around. But that’s part of the fun of this tournament. Four matches are all each of the 34 participating teams get, so there’s a lot of volatility.

RESULT: Curacao 6-0 wowzerz (also, this match may have been played yesterday)

8. Billericay vs. Chesterfield – England FA Cup

The “qualifying” stages done. Between teams advanced through those q-rounds and ones just now entering the tournament, there will have been 32 playing here in the First Round Proper.

Most of the 1RP matches are already done. It’s a Knockout event, meaning that they just play one game, host decided by random draw. But if the match ends in a draw, they have a Replay. This time, it’s at the other team’s place though. That’s how we get to this featured match. These two tied 1-1 in their first try.

Billericay are from the sixth level of the English football pyramid, making them very much a Minnow – an underdog. Looking for Minnows that make deep runs in the whole event is part of the fun of following this. They’re from Essex, and play out of the Ishthmian League’s premier division, to which they were just promoted this year. And they’re #B in their current league, meaning they have a very good chance to get Promoted once again!

Chesterfield play one league up, the National League. They’re not having a very good season there. In fact, if they do much worse, they might get sent down. These two may essentially end up switching places.

Noob thinks Billericay still isn’t quite an even match today at home, but wouldn’t be at all surprised if they’re able to get another draw after 90′. If that happens, this time there will be no more Replays. They’ll play extra time, go to penalty kicks if need be, decide who advances today.

RESULT: Chesterfield 1-3

Billericay Town F.C. Logo.png

Thursday

coming soon!

’10 to Track’ Monday (11/19) soccer matches – is it sill Relegation Monday with just one Match of Suckitude?

The backbone of Noob is the ’10 to Track – the matches most important for us as new American fans of the game to follow. That and the out-of-left-field humor, and that’s for (or not for!) everyone.

Mondays, football scheds run light, so Noob offers up mostly Relegation matches – ones involving at least one team about to be booted from its league for poor performance.

But it’s International Break, and that means very limited league action! The UEFA Nations League is wrapping up its Group Stage. We’ll hit that and some international CONCACAF action before getting to one Relegation nugget.

1. Germany vs. Netherlands – UEFA Nations League

Once again, here’s that link for Noob’s ‘Explainer’, in brief, for what this tournament is:

http://www.soccernoob.com/2018/01/01/uefa-nations-league-explainer/

Germany is already Relegated no matter how they do today. They will play in one of the League B groups when this tournament is on again in two years.

Netherlands are a point behind France. Since France have played all four of their matches and since Netherlands have a higher goal differential, all the Dutch have to do is get a draw today and they win the Group, advance to the League A playoffs.

The teams are ranked #15 and #14 by FIFA, respectively. Netherlands won their home leg against the Germans in this event 3-0. (2:45 PM EDT, Univision Deportes)

RESULT: 2-2 One almost has to wonder if the Germans decided to stick it to France, sandbagged in the second half. Germany led 2-0, and a Netherlands loss would’ve meant the French won the Group.

B. Cyprus vs. Norway – UEFA Nations League

This is a League C matchup, where there are four teams in each Group, not three. Norway and Bulgaria are tied in the table heading into this last match. They’re ranked 86^th and 48^th in the world. Given this disparity, Noob thinks Norway is easily a goal favorite, even on the road.

RESULT: Norway 0-2 And it was enough, Norway win the group

Image result for norwegian letter B

Old Scandanavian futhark runic alphabet

yet there’s Number B, recognizable and timeless

3. Bulgaria vs. Slovenia – UEFA Nations League

But a win for Norway may not mean anything if Bulgaria win as well. Norway lead on goal differential, but only by one.

Bulgaria and Slovenia are ranked #35 and #62 by FIFA. Both games are being started at the same time, presumably so neither has an advantage knowing the others progress or result.

RESULT: 1-1

4. Macedonia vs. Gibraltar – UEFA Nations League

#68 Macedonia lead this League D group, by three over Armenia. So, if they achieve even a draw today, they win the Group. It’s hard to think Gibraltar – ranked #190 – will be much of a road block.

RESULT: Macedonia 4-0 Group winnahs!

Image result for gibraltar funny

But Gibraltar is full of monkeys.

not even kidding

5. Lichtenstein vs. Armenia – UEFA Nations League

The one thing going for #101 Armenia is that if somehow Macedonia does lose, a win of any sort will do for Armenia. They already have a higher GD than Macedonia, giving Armenia the tiebreaker. Liechtenstein isn’t much better than Gibraltar (at just #182). But Armenia does face this one on the road.

RESULT: 2-2

6. Saint Kitts and Nevis vs. Canadia – CONCACAF Nations League qualification

Reminder of what we have with this tournament: All but the six teams that pre-qualified for League A of the 2019-20 Nations League and Gold Cup are here. Each men’s national team plays just four matches against a relatively even cross-section of teams from the field. Top ten finishers will join those pre-qualified in the Gold Cup, though only the top six will play League A in the NL.

Canadia are one of the better teams that had to play this tournament. FIFA ranks them eighth-best in all CONCACAF, #76 worldwide. In this event, they’re already in 5^th, and most of the teams around them have played three matches to Canadia’s two.

SKN are the 14th-most highly rated team in the federation. They’re in 7^th, also having played just two games so far.

RESULT: Canadia 0-1 looking like this was played yesterday

Image result for concacaf nations league logo

spiffy logo all set for next year

7. Barbados vs. U.S. Virgin Islands – CONCACAF Nations League

Neither of these will get anywhere close to the top ten like the above teams. USVI are going to be near the very bottom, wind up in League C. Barbados are currently in a League B-position, though near the bottom of that. FIFA ranks them at #200 and #162.

RESULT: Barbados 3-0 also looking like was played last night

8. New Zealand vs. Tonga – Women’s World Cup qualification

Noob covered a match from this event yesterday, but had not realized what all was going on! This is the OFC Nations Cup. The winner qualifies for next year’s World Cup and the next Olympics.

In any case, the Group Stage is just beginning. Eight teams, two Groups, top two finishers from each advance to the Knockout Round. All matches are being hosted in New Caledonia.

Ever since Australia left for the AFC a few years ago, New Zealand have been the dominant power in the federation and #20 in the world. Tonga’s team have been inactive internationally for at least a year and a half, aren’t part of rankings.

RESULT: NZ 11-0 not a typo

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See, they have a logo and everything

9. Osasco Audax vs. Union Española – Copa Libertadores Feminina

It’s the gals’ South American version of Champions League and it’s Group Stage is just getting started.

Brazil’s Osasco Audax officially the defending champions. Last year, the team was partnered with one in the Corinthians club organization, but the latter have started their own team now. It’s not clear to Noob which club Audax is affiliated, but appears to be a second-tier one from Sao Paulo. U.E. are reigning Ecuadaorian champs.

There were no Rounds prior to this Group Stage. The 12 competing teams are divded into three Groups of four. The winners of each Group and the highest-performing runners-up will advance to the Knockout Stage.

A Fun Fact is that starting next year, no men’s team will be allowed to compete in the Copa Libertadores unless they have a women’s team.

RESULT: Union 0-1

10. Istiklol Fergana vs. Aral Nukus – Uzbekistan Pro League A

It just wouldn’t be a Monday here at Noob without at least one Relegation match. With it being the European international break, this league was the only one Noob could find anywhere in the world with a Match of Suckitude offered in even its top two leagues.

This looks ot be the last match of the Uzbek second-tier season. It’s been known there for some time that Nukus and Norin would be the two teams to go down to Pro League B next year. But Norin only leads Nukus by a point in the table, so not finishing in last is still up for grabs.

Nukus’ offense only appears to be bad. It’s the defense that’s world-class awful. They’ve conceded 75 goals in 31 matches. Today, the visit the league’s #3 team. Nukus won’t keep the margin within two here.

RESULT: Fergana 3-0

Image result for Chemical Research Institute Nukus

If you recognize the city name Nukus, unhappily it is where the Red Army did it’s work on the Novichok agent.

’10 to Track’ Sunday (11/18) soccer matches – UEFA Nations League leads us once again

European International break doesn’t stop the ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game! Can’t even slow this train down.

1. England vs. Croatia – UEFA Nations League

Here’s the link to my brief Explainer on what this event is:

http://www.soccernoob.com/2018/01/01/uefa-nations-league-explainer/

This is the last match to be played in this League A group of three. Spain is done, two points up on both these teams. So if either wins, that team goes to the Playoffs. If the match ends in a draw, Spain advances.

FIFA-ranked #5 England surely had no trouble with the USMNT in their recent friendly. They haven’t lost in their last four matches overall, between this event and friendlies. And the offense has picked up, with six goals in their last two matches.

#4 Croatia will be a stern test. They struggled after losing to France in the World Cup final. But a friendly win over Jordan and 3-2 win over Spain in this tournament seem to indicate they’re back in form.

Key players to watch today will be Raheem Sterling for England (two goals in the Spain match) and Tin Jedvaj for Croatia (two goals in their Spain match). (9:00 AM EST, ESPN2)

B. Switzerland vs. Belgium – UEFA Nations League

This is another League A match. Different Group, of course. #1-ranked Belgium – who haven’t lost in six straight – lead the Swiss by three heading into this last match. But they’re tied on goal differential, so win of any margin for #8-Switzerland puts them in the Playoffs on the GD tiebreaker.

While it can be easy to overvalue friendlies, a home 0-1 loss to Qatar in their last outing isn’t promising for Switzerland. They haven’t beaten anyone but Group-last place Iceland (twice) since June. (2:45 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT: Switzerland 5-2 Playoff time for the Swiss

Image result for icelandic letter B

buRES

Two letter A’s in the Icelandic alphabet. Fine.

But there’s only one Number B.

3. Guinea vs. Ivory Coast – Africa Cup of Nations qualification

The ACN is next year, Africa’s top tournament for men’s national teams. Groups of four are competing in this current event, with the top two finishers in each getting in.

Two matches to go in Group H. Guinea lead Ivory Coast by three in the table. Between the two of them, they haven’t lost in ten matches overall. They’re ranked #65 and #64 in the world, respectively. (12:00 PM, beIN Sports)

RESULT: 1-1

4. Paris Saint-Germain vs. Lyon – France Division 1

This is the French women’s top flite. Lyon is the major power in all Europe, has been for years. They’re undefeated again, have outscored opponents 37-1.

Today represents their toughest test of the year. PSG are also undefeated, though someone got a draw on them. Their GD is 24-3. Noob thinks they can keep this within a goal, but no better.

RESULT: 1-1

Image result for angry French women

Never doubt that the women of France aren’t tough tough tough.

5. SS Jeanne d’Arc vs. Besancon Football – Coupe de France

Like yesterday, we’re catching another early (7^th-) round match of the French FA Cup in order to spy on a CONCACAF team.

Noob’s not sure how Reunion qualifies its two teams into this event. JdA only finished 5^th in last year’s Reunion Premier. Neither did they win the territory’s own Cup tournament. They’re #B in this year’s league season, which is nearly done. They still don’t score much, but the defense has been much improved.

Besancon play in Championnat National 3, France’s fifth-tier league. This league has many regional divisions (groups). They play in Bourgogne-Franche-Comté (Group E). They’re in 5^th place in their league season. They don’t score much, either. Noob’s not got the experience to handicap a match like this, but doens’t look like it’s likely to be a high-scoring affair.

RESULT: Besancon 0-1 AET

6. Tauro vs. Arabe Unido – Panama National League

They’ve reached the Apertura (first half-season) postseason Semifinals here. This is the first match of a two-legged tie to see which will play for the title. Tauro are the #3 seed, play much more offensively than anyone else in that league. Arabe Unido won several close matches to get the #B seed. If Tauro score early in this, Noob predicts a rout will ensue.

RESULT: Tauro 2-0

Image result for tauro fc

Noob is not down with the bull half-face thing.

That feels like nightmare-fodder.

7. Nicaragua vs. Haiti – CONCACAF Nations League qualification

Six of CONCACAF’s best men’s national teams are not having to participate in this event. They will be placed in League A of the inaugural Nations League next year. All the other member nations are battling for placement in the various League levels, just like UEFA’s NL set-up. The top ten finishers in this event will also qualify for the Gold Cup, the federation’s biennial championship.

Since each team plays just four games, there’s a lot of room for volatility. And we’re getting it. Haiti are ranked just #102 in the world, yet are in 1^st in this event with just this last match to go. They’ve outscored opponents 17-1.

Nicaragua are ranked even lower (#127), but also vying for a Gold Cup slot. They’re in 9^th. They likely need a win to maintain their GC invitation, though a draw today doesn’t leave them out automatically. They only score half again as much as Haiti have been, are just an even match on their own pitch today.

RESULT: Haiti 0-2

8. Brendam United vs. Brendam Harbor – Isle of Sodor Premier League

Noob’s exclusive coverage of the Isle’s inaugural FA league continues! I haven’t been able to yet give the IoSPL the attention I intended to, especially given how closely I documented the first-ever IoS FA Cup here over the summer. I’ve been hopping the pond quite a bit, soccer and other obligations keeping me stateside oft times.

Suffice it to say for now that these are historically two of the best teams on Sodor. Of course, that “history” is tons of friendlies and loose, sporadic league-like organizations that have come and gone over many years here. Now that they’re organizing their football on this national scale, it’s hard to know how much water past results hold.

Also, Harbor won the FA Cup. And on defense, a soccer virtue not typically held in particular esteem on the Isle. Shockingly, B-Utd didn’t even make it out of the Group Stage, finishing third there. Just couldn’t find the offense (four goals in three matches).

RESULT: Brendam Utd 10-3 As often happens on Sodor, once a team is 2-3 goals late, what little defense might’ve been happening evaporates.

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I don’t know. The font just went weird.

I blame having switched from MS Word to OpenOffice.

9. Tahiti vs. New Caledonia – Women’s World Cup qualification

Eight teams from the OFC are vying for one spot in World Cup next year. They’ve been divided into two Groups, with the top two finishers in each advancing to a Knockout Round.

This is the first match for both teams. They’re ranked #157 and #155 in the world. This makes them the fourth and third-best teams in this federation.

RESULT: N.C. 2-4

10. Vitoria Setubal vs. Tondela – Portugal League Cup

The Taca de Liga has just reached its Group Stage, where 16 teams remain. They’ve been divided into Groups of four. Only the winners of each will advance to the Knockout Round.

This is not the country’s FA Cup, but rather a secondary Cup tournament contested by only clubs from the top two leagues. V.S. is a midtable Primeira Liga team, while Tondela is a fair bit worse. The point here isn’t so much this particular match so much as to just introduce Noobites to the tournament period.

RESULT: Tondela 1-2

Image result for Setubal funny

So long from Setubal!

Come for the soccer, stay for the boutique apartments.

’10 to Track’ Saturday (11/17) soccer matches – UEFA Nations League leads the way once again

This site serves two purposes, or such is Noob’s intent. We learn about the leagues and tournaments of the world through the lens of a newish American fan. And it’s all presented with pretty oddball humor oft times, something for fans Noobite and veteran alike (hopefully).

Weekends, though, the zaniness gets comparatively left by the wayside. Even during this, the European International Break – which in turn affects most of the world – Saturday and Sunday will offer the best matches of the week.

So let’s dig in and see what goodies the day has to offer.

1. Italy vs. Portugal – UEFA Nations League

Here’s a direct link to understand the basics of what this tournament is: http://www.soccernoob.com/2018/01/01/uefa-nations-league-explainer/

Portugal are in the driver’s seat to win the Group and make the Playoffs. They already lead Italy by two in the table and still have a match to play after this. For Italy, this is fourth and final Group Stage match.

Italy must have a win today and than likely are forced to root for Poland to beat Portugal in the final match for those two. If Italy win by more than two today, than a Poland-Portugal draw would suffice. If Italy can at least get a draw today, they will have avoided any possibility of being Relegated to the League B for the next incarnation of this tournament in 2020-21.

Italy have dropped to #19 in the FIFA rankings and failed to even qualify for the last 2018 World Cup. In getting an 0-1 win over Poland in this tournament, they had their first win of any kind since March, a streak of six matches. Just like our U.S. men’s national team, they’re trending towards younger players in a reset, and it’s showing.

Portugal made it all the way to the World Cup quarterfinals, are ranked #7 in the world. They beat the Italians 1-0 in their first meeting of this event and have one three straight matches. (2:45 PM EST, Univision Deportes)

RESULT: 0-0

B. Serbia vs. Montenegro – UEFA Nations League

This one is in League C, yet that means there’s more at stake, in a way. Those League A teams are all likely to qualify for the 2020 European Championships through a variety of channels. Not so necessarily with teams down here. Each League’s winner automatically qualifies for the Euros, and this may be the only realistic shot for some teams.

Both these teams have played four of their six matches. League C groups have four teams each, unlike the three-team pods in League A, so their double round-robin is longer. Serbia are a point clear of Montenegro and two ahead of Romania.

The teams are ranked #35 and #39, respectively. Given that Serbia won the first match between them on the road 0-2, it’s hard not to see them as the favorite today.

RESULT: Serbia 2-1

The Number B brings unmitigated joy!

No Number Two ever prompted that degree of delight.

3. Palestino vs. Audax Italiano – Copa Chile

It’s the second leg of the Final! And the stakes are high. The winners qualify for the next Copa Libertadores (South American Champions League). Neither of these teams was anywhere near the top of the country’s Premier League standings, so this has been there only possible path.

In the first leg, Palestino scored the only goal at 90 +3′. Now they have the chance to take care of business at home for the title. But they’re particularly challenged on defense typically, so don’t look for them to be able to take the air out of the ball and hold on for a 0-0 draw for the match.

RESULT: Palestino 3-2 Victors! Congrats on Copa Libertadores invite

4. UPNFM vs. Platense – Honduras National League

Honduras’ football season is divided into separate Apertura and Clausura halves. The Apertura regular season is completed and the Playoffs have begun. The top six make these Playoffs, with the top two seeds getting byes.

These two enter as the #3 and #6 seeds. UPNFM earned a 1-1 draw in the first match of this two-legged quarterfinal tie. They’ll likely look to push the pace at home, which is going to be very hard on the visitors. Platense didn’t score much all regular season. Anything but an 0-1 win for Platense is probably doom.

RESULT: Platense 0-1 On to the Semifinals!

Image result for soccer doom

5. Namibia vs. Guinea Bassau – Africa Cup of Nations qualification

The CAF’s premier national team competition is next year. This tournament is the play-in for that. Groups of four, each clubs plays a home-and-away round robine. Top two finishers in each get invites to the ACN.

South Africa hosting Nigeria might be the best game from this event today. But more is at stake in this one. These two are tied for 1^st after four matches. More, the two teams below them in their Group each have a win and a draw. And Zambia is easily the highest-ranked team in the group, so one can expect them to make a push their last two matches.

Namibia’s been the best of this bunch on defense, G-B on offense. Midfield control may well decide this one. A low-scoring draw would serve both reasonably well, giving both a four-point lead over the others. That feels an unlikely conspiracy though. A win for either all but guarantee a top-two finish.

RESULT: 0-0 low-scoring draw it is

6. Barry Town vs. T.N.S – Wales Premier

It’s International Break in Europe, but that’s not keeping the Welsh top flite from gearing up. Surprising Barry Town are merely average on both sides of the ball, yet sit tied for 1^st nearly halfway through the season. They even just pulled off a very solid road draw against co-leaders Connah’s Quay.

Perennial power The New Saints have been perhaps even more surprising, at least of late. They’ve dropped two matches in a row to midtable clubs and only got a draw against another just before that. The studly offense has simply vanished somehow.

This is one of Europe’s weaker leagues, so only the winner will get a berth in the next Champions League.

RESULT: T.N.S. 0-2

Image result for surprising gif

Steve Carrell is pleasantly surprised by Barry Town. Perhaps.

7. ASE Matoury vs. US Concarneau – Coupe de France

The French FA Cup is just getting underway. Well, the Regional Leagues’ amateur clubs have been competing to get to this, the Seventh Round. This is where qualifying teams from France’s overseas territories enter in, as well as the pro teams from League Two.

The overseas territories’ entries are the reason Noob is choosing to start highlighting this competition so early on. Some of those territories are CONCACAF members, and I’m more focused than ever on our getting familiar with our neighbors.

Noob’s not certain how ASE Matoury qualified from French Guiana. They and US Matoury finished #B and #3 in 2017-18 Division d’Honneur and are playing the Coupe, but not winners Le Geldar.

US Concarneau play out of the third division Championnat National league, where they’re struggling on defense and sitting midtable. Noob doesn’t have any sense of how the leagues and clubs compare, so it will be fun to see how the overseas territorial clubs do.

RESULT: Concarneau 2-3

8. Edinburgh City vs. Alloa Athletic – Scotland Challenge Cup

Teams from levels two through five of the Scottish football pyramid compete in this Knockout tournament. They also invite a handful of teams from other nearby countries.

This is a quarterfinal match. Hosts Edinburgh are from the fourth-tier Scottish League Two, for the moment. They’re winning it, would be promoted if they finish #1.

Alloa are struggling in the second division Championship league, having just been promoted themselves. Still, Noob would easily favor the visitors to win by a goal or two here on the road.

RESULT: Edinburgh City 2-2 / 4-3 pk Upset City! E.C. climbs back from an 0-2 whole to take it in penalty kicks.

Image result for edinburgh city fc 2018

9. Tolima vs. Santa Fe – Colombia Premier

The top eight make the Clausura (second half-season) here. This is the second leg of a quarterfinal two-legged tie between the #1 and #8 seeds. Tolima won the first match 2-1. Even on the road, Santa Fe still shouldn’t be counted out though. Statistically, these teams aren’t that far apart.

Colombia determines its entrants into Copa Libertadores by aggregate table, combining the Apertura and Clausura regular season records. That takes a tiny bit of the shine off things for these Playoffs, but but not much.

RESULT: Santa Fe 0-1 But it’s Tolima who advance, 4-3 on penalty kicks

10. Hassania Agadir vs. Raja Casablanca – Morocco Botola Pro

We finish out Track in one of Africa’s best leagues. The most recent rankings as this sixth-best on the content, and their on pace to climb as high as #B by 2020.

This match features the current league leader against #10. Wait, 10? Yep. International Break means slimmer pickings, but this is an important match there, too. Raja Casablanca have only played half as many matches as many clubs there because of having been playing in the Champions League. They’ve not lost any of their four matches and are statistically the best team.

Agadir can really defend, are likely to be near the table’s top all season long, competing for one of the two CL berths for next year. But R.C. defend just as well and score a lot more.

RESULT: 0-0

Image result for agadir funny

So long from Agadir!

not trick photography

goats climb Argan trees for the fruit in Agadir.

‘10 to Track’ Globetrotting Friday soccer matches – UEFA Nations League leads the way

An abbreviated jet-setting Track for your Friday.

Noob went to see “Thugs of Hindostan” with an old friend yesterday, then a long, leisurely dinner of lamb tikka masala after. Wish the I-League match on today were one between two stronger teams there, could keep the theme going. For the record, really fun action (tragi-)comedy. I’m not experienced much with Bollywood fare, but it was so fun, even if a bit campy.

Might flesh these out later, but here’s our Globetrotting 10 for the day. With it being International Break AND Friday, we get to do some serious travel today.

1. Netherlands vs. France – UEFA Nations League

As with many of the leagues that will be featured here, you can scroll back just a post or two to get some details in the short term. Suffice to say for now that this is a League A match with 1sr place on the line. Oh, and friends are the defending World Cup champions. (2:45 PM EST, Univision Deportes)

RESULT: Netherlands 2-0

B. Egypt vs Tunisia – Africa Cup of Nations qualification

ACN is the Premier national team tournament in Africa, held I believe just every other year. This qualification tournament is in its Group Stage These are two of Africa’s best Both will get through.

RESULT: Egypt 3-2 Mo Salah of Liverpool with the game-winner at 90′!

3-5. Argentina vs Mexico – friendly

7:00 PM, Univision Deportes. In other friendly CONCACAF action, Chile hosts our neighbor Costa Rica, and Honduras hosts Panama.

RESULT: Argentina 2-0, Costa Rica 2-3, Honduras 1-0

6. British Virgin Islands vs Bonaire – CONCACAF Nations League qualification

A regional game with a LITTLE more meaning than a friendly.

RESULT: ppd

7. Queen’s Park vs. Connah’s Quay – Scotland Challenge Cup

What this is not us their FA Cup. Connah’s Quay was invited from the Welsh Premier, in fact. Tertiary tournament in importance there, but a bit of cousinly soccer flavor for us nonetheless.

RESULT: CQ 1-2 The Quay get goals at 81′ and 84′ for the come-from-behind win

8-9.

Multiple matches between southeast Asian men’s national teams going on I two regional subdivisions of the AFC These tournaments are also held I believe every other year. They’re the AFF and EAFF, southeast and eastern countries. The matches would’ve all been played during overnight hours here in the US.

10. PSM Makassar vs Persija Jakarta – Indonesia Liga I

#1 hosts #3 in a hotly contested league. The season is hitting its home stretch, too.

RESULT: Makassar 2-2 PSMM came back from two down to get the draw. They lead now-#B Jakarta by four in the table.

’10 to Track’ Midweek Edition (11/13-15) soccer matches – UEFA Nations League leads the way

Saturdays and Sundays, Noob endeavors to highlight the ten most important matches to follow on each, for us – the newish American fans of the global game.

Tuesday through Thursday, we do just ten over the three days. Either way, we’re local, Western European, and then the world. Mini-previews that introduce us to the teams, leagues and tournaments everywhere, and what the stakes are — why each is important to the teams involved, and so can be to us.

Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s matches and results follow below.

Thursday

4. England vs. U.S.A. – friendly

This is the last friendly of the year for USMNT. After failing to qualify for the 2018 World Cup, the youth movement continues for the team. They’ve already been running very young, and now two of the few veterans who would’ve been on the roster are out due to injury.

Perhaps the most noteworthy cal-up is goalie Jonathan Klinsmann, son of the former German USMNT manager. He’s with German Bundesliga club Hertha Berlin, but Noob gathers hasn’t been a key part of things there yet.

In other big news, American’s young, oft-thought #1 superstar Christian Pulisic (with Bundesliga’s Borussia Dortmund) is coming off injury and on the roster for the first time in a while. Tyler Adams of New York Red Bulls is back from being hurt as well.

Finally, this may be the last match as interim head coach for Sara Chan. Talk is that Columbus Crew manager Gregg Berhalter is likely to take the reigns for the American team shortly.

The Management would like to apologize for Noob’s greivous error. The interim manager of the US Men’s National Team is Dave Sarachan. He is not an Asian or Asian-American women named Sara Chan. Thank you for your time, attention and patronage of Noob.

Sooooo…you don’t think a women could do the job, The Management?

That is not what I said. Merely that –

Moving on! Sexist pig 🙂

England’s all-time leading scoring Wayne Rooney – currently of MLS’ D.C. United club – will be making a farewell appearance for their national team. He last appeared for them in 2016.

These are the 23^rd and 5th-ranked teams in the world. Noob’s read that gap might be exacerbated by the fact that the Three Lions will likely be playing their top squad or something close. They’re currently also playing in the new UEFA Nation’s League tournament. I would think that means they’d rest starters for a friendly, but we shall see. (3:00 PM EDT, ESPN2)

RESULT: England 3-0 Not a strong showing for the Americans on any front.

5. Croatia vs. Spain – UEFA Nations League

A reminder of what we have here:

This is a new tournament, largely replacing international friendlies in certain parts of the soccer calendar. UEFA intends to hold this every other year. All 55 national teams are participating. They are divided into four leagues, based on rankings around the last World Cup. The top dozen are in League A, the next 12 League B, and so on (though more than a dozen in C and D each).

The Leagues are in turn each divided into equal cross-section Groups of three or four. In each Group, the teams will play home and away double round robins. In League A, the four winners will have a Playoff to determine the event champion. In the other leagues, the Group winners will have a Playoff as well. The winners of all four Playoffs automatically qualify for the 2020 European Championships.

So that’s what’s going on and what’s at stake. This matchup is one in League A.

Currently, Croatia is ranked #4 in the world, Spain 9^th. But Croatia haven’t had good fortune since making the World Cup final last year. Their only win since then is a 2-1 win over Jordan. Spain won the first match against them 6-0 in this event. The Spanish lead England by two points in the table for 1^st. (2:45 PM, Galavision)

RESULT: Croatia 3-2 Last minute goal for the winners!

6. Luxembourg vs. Belarus – UEFA Nations League

Most or all of the teams in League A will actually qualify for the 2020 Euros through other channels, so this event is more important for teams in the lower Leagues’ teams.

Here in League D, the Groups are four teams each. Luxembourg lead Belarus by a point after four matches. They’re ranked #84 and #78 in the world, respectively. This isn’t the sort of match you’ll find on TV – at least not stateside. But it should be a shootout! The two have collectively outscored their opponents 16-1 so far. Belarus won the first match between them in this event 1-0.

RESULT: Belarus 0-2

The Lux MNT of 1920.

7. Iran vs. Trinidad and Tobago – friendly

Welcome to what might be the only English language preview of this match anywhere!

FIFA ranks them #30 and #93 in the world. This makes Iran the #1-ranked team in Asia. They’ve lost just once in their last six matches, all low-scoring affairs. That includes a pretty decent win against Morocco (#47).

T&T, tenured Noobites may recall, was the last team the USMNT played in the CONCACAF World Cup qualifiers last year. Our Caribbean counterparts were victorious, keeping the Americans out and allowing Panama their first-ever appearance. More recently, they’ve won just once in their last four outings, all all low-scoring. But the W was a decent one, over higher-ranked U.A.E.

OK, not much of a preview. But we’re going to get to know our CONCACAF neighbors as best we reasonably can.

RESULT: Iran 1-0

8. Israel vs. Guatemala – friendly

Noob just trained a college kid at work this week. He grew up abroad, all over. Mom is in the Foriegn Service. His favorite place was doing high school in suburban Tel Aviv. He’s working towards working for them as well, will work towards getting back to that spot.

He follows soccer, but mainly Premier League. He likes tracking his favorite players, not club teams. Noob isn’t super-player specific at all, so that’s all I really have to say about that.

The Management: Going to preview the match?

Nah. I just like to write whatever.

RESULT: Israel 7-0 not a typo

9. Sao Paulo vs. Gremio – Brazil Serie A

It may be “International Break” for Europe, but there’s still hawt domestic league action in other places!

The season is nearing it’s end in Brazil. The top six all qualify for the next Copa Libertadores (South America’s champions league). These two are tied for 4^th. Fourth place itself is an important table position, as it’s the lowest one from which the club will automatically enter the CL Group Stage. The two below will have to fight through a qualifying round.

Sao Paulo was red hot much earlier in the year, occupying the top spot in the table for a good while. But they’ve only won one in their last nine, albeit that stretch is littered with many draws. It had looked like the defense might be what would cause them trouble based on early-season numbers, but its their offense that has done a disappearing act of late.

Gremio have cooled off a little of late themselves, though not nearly to Sao Paulo’s degree. Some of that may have been because they were defending their Copa Libertadores title. They lost in the Semis and can now focus on a top-four finish in league play. (4:00 PM, GOL TV)

RESULT: 1-1

10. Deportivo La Guaira vs. Deportivo Tachira – Venezuela Premier

We finish our Track with some domestic league Playoff goodness.

Like in many Latin countries, Venezuela divides its season into two separate league tournaments. This is the second leg of the Semifinal of the Clausura (second half-season) postseason playoffs. They finished #B and #3 in the league. La Guira tied for best offense in the league, but lost the first match of this series 0-1.

The winner will get #4 Deportivo Lara or barely-qualified #8 Caracas.

RESULT: La Guaira 3-1

Image result for Estadio OlÃmpico de la UCV

So long from Caracas!

La Guaira is both a city and club, but their Estadio Olimpico UCV home is in Caracas.

Wednesday

3. Panama vs. Argentina – CONCACAF Women’s World Cup qualification

Like yesterday’s UEFA WC qual. match, this is a Playoff – one last chance to get in. Panama finished 4^th in the CONCACAF qualifying tournament and Argentina finished 3^rd in the CONMEBOL version. The teams are ranked #66 and #37 in the world, respectively.

Now they are playing off for one more berth. And the Panamanian women’s quest to join last year’s men’s national team in being the first ever to qualify from their country is nearly over. Argentina won their home half of this two-match series 4-0. Panama aren’t scoring 5+ today.

RESULT: 1-1 Argentina are World Cup-bound

Tuesday

1. Scotland vs. U.S.A. – women’s international friendly

The #1 world ranked American ladies continued their tuneups for next year’s World Cup. #19 Scotland could only keep possession a little over 1/3 of the time. Alex Morgan’s goal was the only one of the match, so 0-1 U.S.

Thanks for keeping us pumped, Miley.

USA! USA!

B. Switzerland vs. Netherlands – UEFA Women’s World Cup qualification

The Group Stage winners of this event all qualified for next year’s WC. The four best runners-up have been participating in Playoffs to determine one last qualifier.

#18 Switzerland and #10 FIFA-ranked Netherlands were the last two standing. The Dutch gals won the first match of this home and away two-legged tie in dominating fashion, 1-3. The pace was slower for today’s second leg, a 1-1 draw.

And so, congrats to Netherlands and good fortune in in 2019!

Image result for letter B party

Number B is down to party with the Dutch gals.

Tired out old Number Two need not RSVP.

’10 to Track’ Relegation Monday (11/12)

Noob took an unscheduled break today. Relegation Monday matches will return in their full, glorious Suckitude next week.

But just because it’s International Break (Most major European clubs are off) doesn’t mean Noob’s gonna leave you hangin’. Here were the Relegation -specific matches I’d scouted for today.

1. Cliftonville vs. Newry City – Northern Ireland Premier

Last-place Newry started off 1-0 after four minutes, but couldn’t make it stand up. They’re one of two league teams to average conceding more than two goals per match. Cliftonville remain in 4^th.

B. Gaz Metan vs. Voluntari- Romania Liga I

Voluntari had better now go down. One can hardly imagine the wrath of the world’s vampire leading family if their club is sent down to second division.

The Management: Noob! Vampires are not real. “Twilight” is not real. And it was “Volturi”. Asshat.

Since you’re such an expert, The Management, can you tell us which of Jacob’s pecs rode a little higher than the other?

The Management: Ass. Hat!

Image result for Jacob twilight shirtless

Don’t pretend like you’re not staring, The Management.

3. Apollon Smirnis vs. Aris Thessaloniki – Superleague Greece

Smirnis tied things up at one each right at the half, but lost 1-2. This was only their second goal in ten matches. They remain winless and in last place.

4. Bnei Sakhnin vs. Ashdod – Israel Premier

Close, but no cigar. Second-to-last place Ashdod came back from a 1-3 deficit to tie things up, but #10 Sakhnin snaked it out late, 4-3.

Image result for close but no cigar soccer gif

5. El Dakhleya vs. Al Mokawloon Al Arab – Egypt Premier

It’s a Relegation Monday miracle! The Mountain Wolves of AMAL soar out of the Drop Zone and up four spots in the table to 12^th with an 0-2 win over the #7 side.

6. Santos vs. Chapocoense – Brazil Serie A

-Two- miracles? Why, that’s enough to get a body sainted!

#19 Chapo scores an 0-1 win over #7. This doesn’t bring them out of danger, but they’re now tied for 17^th. 16^th place is safety from getting booted at season’s end.

So long from Santos!

Estadio Urbano Caldeira, their home, in 1916.

’10 to Track’ Sunday (11/11) soccer matches – MLS playoffs lead the way

Don’t forget to check back on any Track’s matches later for results!

Also, the newest of Noobites may always check the Vocab page to the right on the main page.

New York Red Bulls vs. Columbus Crew – Major League Soccer

After leading the field most of the regular season, Atlanta United slipped late and lost the Supporters Shield to NYRB. That means Red Bulls had the most points in the standings of any team in the league. And in most leagues in the world, that club would be the champions for the season.

But in Amuricuh, we do Playoffs! They’ve reached the Conference Semifinals, the second round. Here (and next round), the opponents face off in two-legged, home and away ties. The East’s #5 seed, Columbus, won their home match 1-0.

Red Bulls scored nearly half again as much than the Crew throughout the season. It’s hard to imagine them being held done a second match in a row, especially in the Big Apple.

New York’s last seven goals have all been scored by different players. Noob thinks early-season leader Brandon Wright-Phillips will reemerge. But all the momentum belongs to the visitors. Columbus haven’t lost to Red Bulls in their last four matches. (7:30 PM EST, FS1)

RESULT: NYRB 3-0 On to the Conference Finals for Red Bulls! Daniel Royer with two goals and an assist.

B. Manchester City vs. Manchester United – English Premier League

Derby time!

After a dreadful start to the season, Man Utd are perhaps finally snapping out of their funk. They’ve climbed into 8^th place, won three matches in a row across all competitions, including a massive Champions League victory over Juventus. All have been 2-1 or 1-2 wins.

Meanwhile, Man City just jeeps trucking along, undefeated in league. Over the course of their six-match win streak, they’ve outscored opponents by a staggering 23-1 margin. It’s hard to believe they only lead the next three clubs by two points each in the table. (11:30 AM, NBCSN)

RESULT: Man City 3-1 Bernado Silva with a goal and an assist

Image result for alphabet race

Now THAT’S a derby.

Number B, victor!

Santos vs. CF America – Liga MX

With two matches to go in the Apertura (first half-season), these two have already guaranteed themselves top half-finishes. That means they’ll play in the Liguilla (postseason tournament) no matter what.

But seeding matters a lot. They trail #1 Cruz Azul by five and four points in the table, respectively. In all likelihood, they’re fighting for the runners-up position.

CF America’s defense is the tale today. They’ve ratcheted that up a notch their last three matches, allowing just one goal over that span. They’re a regular league powerhouse. Noob thinks they get the road upset today and will win the Liguilla no matter what seed they go in with. (7:00 PM, Univision Deportes)

RESULT: 1-1

AC Milan vs. Juventus – Serie A

Remember that Champions League loss Juventus took to Manchester City? Well, no one’s managed that in Serie A all season. They’re second-best in Italy on both sides of the ball, three points up on Napoli, and likely to win on the road today.

Milan are tied for 5^th and just don’t have the backline to withstand Cristiano Ronaldo & Co. (2:30 PM, Rai Italia)

RESULT: Juve 0-2

Image result for cristiano ronaldo funny

Artist thought Ronaldo had taken one too many headers.

Sevilla vs. Espanyol – La Liga

Espanyol are the city of Barcelona’s “other team”. Barcelona-the club are still #1 in the league, but their little sisters are on the rise!

Last year they finished just 11^th, but now they sit in 3^rd place. Their success comes on defense, though they’re not completely deficient when it comes of scoring. That’s where they look a little stronger this year.

Sevilla are just one notch back in the table. They’re high-end scoring comes at the expense of giving up too many goals to perhaps compete with Barcelona for the title. At home, however, they’re not likely to have trouble with upstarts Espanyol. It’s a bad matchup for today’s guests. (12:30 PM, beIN Sports en Español)

RESULT: Sevilla 2-1 Ever Banega with two assits

Vicarstown vs. Crovan’s Gate – Isle of Sodor Premier

Crovan’s Gate made the Semifinals of the first-ever IoS FA Cup this summer. As the three Divisions were being planned for this inaugural PL season, The Gate were slated for the second tier. More, it was thought they wouldn’t even be in the top half of clubs there! But play on the Isle, historically, has been loosely organized at best.

The new FA knew it might be tough to really gauge relative club strengths, regardless of town or village sizes. To their credit, they decided to place all the Quarterfinalists in Premier level to start out.

In typical Sudric fashion, neither team plays a ton of D. Bigger Vicarstown comes in the favorites today. But there’s a reason British betting houses haven’t started offering lines on Sodor matches. There’s just no league history and performance for them (or us) to go off of.

RESULT: 4-4

Arsenal vs. Moulien – Guadeloupe Division d’Honneur

Noob’s quest to get to know all our CONCACAF neighbors a little better rolls on! The “other Arsenal” are #1, Moulien #B. Amical Club are just behind them and all three are undefeated after six league matches. It’s too early to know much, but worth pointing out that Arsenal have only beaten Moulien once in their last six matches.

The top two finishers will qualify for the Caribbean Club Championships. That, in turn, is a qualifying event for CONCACAF Champions League.

Nacional vs. Peñarol – Uruguay Premier

The Final!

Uruguay’s season is divided into two main stages, just like much of Latin America. These two each won one of those. They won 26 matches each, with Peñarol scoring all of one more point on the whole year. Both teams call Montevideo home. This is where today’s one off Final is being played, though not on either club’s home pitch.

The second half of the year, Peñarol started to really flex, becoming the best team on both sides of the ball. No reason to think that won’t make them the favorite on a neutral grounds. (2:30 PM, GOL TV)

RESULT: Peñarol 1-2 Congrats to the national champs! Cristiano Rodriguez with the go-ahead goal via penalty in AET.

Image result for so many letter U

Sooo many U’s…

NK Lokomotiva vs. Dinamo Zagreb – Croatia First Division

Statistically, the teams look nearly identical. but it’s Zagreb who are still undefeated with close to half the season in the books.

It’s not exactly must-win for Lokomotiva, but if they drop this home match, they’re then eight behind Zagreb. That’s a lot for any team to make up in a half season in any league. Either team can score in bunches, but defense is where both really set themselves apart.

Croatia’s top flight is ranked #16 by UEFA. Were they just one spot higher, the league would qualify two teams into the Champions league. As is, just one.

RESULT: Dinamo 0-1

Suduva vs. Zalgiris Vilnius – Lithuania A Lyga

We finish our Track much farther down the European league rankings. But it’s still a #1-#B matchup, no matter the Lyga is just #41 in UEFA.

There is no competition there for these two. Suduva lead everyone’s favorite Superman movie villain-sounding club by five points in the table with the season winding down. The next best team is two dozen points farther back.

Unlike Croatia’s best, these two are much more offensively-minded. Both average more than two goals per game, so a shootout looks to be in store.

RESULT: Z.V. 1-2 Domantas Simkus with the game-winner at 90′

So long from Marijampole, home of club Suduva!

The Millennia Monument