’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Relegation Monday! After FA Cup, things go haywire today

The Management here.  Relegation Monday is where Noob mostly takes advantage of a lighter day on the world schedule to focus on clubs that might soon be dropped down to the next-lowest leagues.  And he does here.  Sort of.

But I’m taking over direct editorial duties today for what will shortly be obvious reasons.  Things start off reasonably sane, but then look out.

(Noob’s getting ready to move from an antidepressant to a mood stabilizer.  The Management almost wonders if we shouldn’t allow it, just to see how much more…THIS this can all get.)

Hey, I don’t remember signing off on my HIPAA rights!

Hush now, “talent”.  The Management will make everything okay.

  1. Wigan Athletic vs. Manchester City – English FA Cup

Wigan’s in third-tier League One.  They were just Relegated last season and are in position to move right back up to second division Championship League.

And their success in that quest won’t help them a lick today.  The visitors will cruise.  Premier #1 Manchester City’s English power could replace the God Particle concept in The Cloverfield Paradox.

RESULT:   Wigan   1-0     

What an upset!!  Wigan played great defense in the first half.  Then at the very end of the first half,  a Man City defender was given a red card.  

Even down to ten men, Man City dominated the second half statistically.  Except for on the scoreboard.

Wigan are Man City’s FA CUP-kryptonite.  These two also faced off in 2013 and 2014, and Wigan won those as well.

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Nice work, Dan the Intern-o Inferno.

Wait!!  That’s the god particle from Angels & Demons.  WRONG movie. 

Time for the paddle.

 B.  Al-Ahli vs. Al-Jazira – AFC Champions League

This event is early in its Group Stage.   Pods of four, double Round Robin, top two finishers in each advance to the next Round.

Al-Ahli is #B in the Saudi Pro League this year, easily in position to play this event next year, too.  Al-Jazira from U.A.E.  may have won their Pro-League last season, but they’re only in 5th now, and mostly by virtue of lots of draws.  It will be interesting to see if can put up any fight on the road today.

RESULT:   Al-Ahli   2-1    Not as dramatic as Game #1 above.  Al-Jazira scored a 90′ goal.

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Number B is ready to put up a fight.

  1. Lazio vs. Hellas Verona – Serie A

Lazio is in 5th place in Italy, only two points out of 4th and a Champions League invite for next year.   They will not sleep a bit on anyone.  Bad news for second-to-last Hellas Verona.  Neither team plays good defense, but Lazio has a high-level offense.

RESULT:   Lazio   2-0

The Management:  Okay, here we go down the rabbit hole now.  I’ll give you brief soccer info since Noob went fritz-y.

CJ is in last place in the multi-year Relegation table.  PdP is not that good.

  1. Patronato de Parana vs. Chacarita Juniors – Argentine Super League

Noob’s brain hurts.  When is it “Argentine” versus “Argentinian”?  If I can’t get a lexicographer on this, isn’t there a video assistant referee available at least?  Someone, anyone??

Crap on a cracker, where’s that Dan the Intern-o Inferno?  Research time, slave-boy!

RESULT:   PdP   3-0

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  1. Vitosha Bistrista vs. Dunav Ruse – Bulgaria First Pro League

This league does a Relegation avoidance event at regular season’s end with the bottom half or so of the table.  Good thing for these two, because otherwise they’d be gone, baby, gone.  Second-to-last visits 0-5-15 here.  VB gives up more than two goals per game average.

RESULT:   Dunav Ruse   1-2

(The Management:   Nice recovery.)

  1. AGF Aarhus vs. SonderjyskE – Danish Superliga

Why doesn’t my virtual touch keyboard allow me to do the special O with the diagonal line through it?  If Noob’s going to put in the effort, there are things I require!  Stupid Elvish runic malarkey anyway.   Tolkein’s trying to ruin my Monday.

And what the blazes is up with that capital E at the end of the visiting club’s name?  That’s not a typo, Noobites.

RESULT:   0-0

(The Management:  Two teams in the bottom half of the league that will play in the Relegation avoidance event at season’s end probably.)

  1. Gornick Zabreze vs. Termalica Nieciecza – Poland Ekstraklasa

OK, Noob apologizes to JRR Tolkien.  Elvish runic poppycock is easier to deal with than Niecknaczalgna-whatever.  Are you kidding me with that, Poland?

RESULT:   GZ   3-0

(The Management:  #4 versus second-to-last)

(The Management:  Below, two mid-pack teams.  Botosani’s in 8th, barely in the Relegation avoidance mix.)

  1. Viitorul Constata vs. Botosani – Romania Liga I

Ahhhhh.  Noob’s reentering his Happy Place.  Sweet, sweet double-i’s make everything better.  I could mainline double-I, OD and not care a whit.  Maybe tomorrow Noob will scout a good midweek match from the Estonian Meistrliiga.  Liiiiii-gah.

RESULT:   VC   2-1

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El Primo Padre knows what’s up.

Double i’s should be sainted.

  1. Al Ahly vs. Al Nasr – Egypt Premier

First vs. Last.  The only thing more Monday perfect may be when the bottom two in a table face off, like with the Bulgarian FecalFest from earlier.

RESULT:   Al Ahly   5-0

(The Management:  FecalFest?   Well, at least there was some soccer in there.  Finally calming down?)

  1. Racing de Casablanca vs. Ittihad Tanger – Morocco Botola Pro

Noob needs his progressive trifocals prescription updated.  I read this on my scouting sites as “Tiger” not “Tanger” until it was almost too late.

And “Independent Tiger” wouldn’t make a ton of sense anyway.  Noob’s faculties, such as they are, are failing.  I long for the sweet dirt nap.  Bring me reprieve, release, Relegation Monday!

RESULT:   Tanger   1-2

(The Management:  *head desk*)

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Author: Soccernoob

After a year of previewing soccer matches the world over with my own off-brand comedy, I now provide exclusive coverage for the Isle of Sodor Premier League, Championship, and FA Cup. (FC Dryaw 'til I die.)

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