Tag: Botosani

’10 to Track’ Relegation Monday – the matches of Suckitude

Soccer scheds far and wide tend to run a little lighter right after the weekend.  Natch.

We here at Noob take advantage by taking you on a journey of Suckitude!  Embrace the darkness of a Monday.  Let’s get to know some teams on the edge of getting Relegated from their leagues.

Or will we see Monday Miracles?

  1. Seattle Sounders vs. Houston Dynamo – Major League Soccer

Houston is about to put a wrap on their season.  They just won the U.S. Open Cup.  But they’re in 10th here in the West, need a win to stay even mathematically alive for a postseason berth (top six from each conference get in).

Noob’s hoping they can manage exactly that!   When the opponent is Seattle, Noob will root for almost any team.  Little would please Noob more than to see the Sounders just lose and lose until they drop from 5th to out of the playoffs.

Noobites, I can’t ask you to join me on this journey of scorn.  The first hardcore soccer fan I met long ago was a college T.A. of mine.  A bandwagon-jumping Seattle fan with no connection to the area.  I love to imagine his sad face when woe comes to his team.   (10:30 PM EST, ESPN+)

RESULT:   Seattle   4-1      Victor Romero Rodriguez with two second half goals.

B.  Cuba vs. Canadia – CONCACAF Women’s Championship / World Cup qualification

Reminder:  Two Groups of four, top two finishers advance to the Knockout State.  Top three of those four make World Cup!

Cuba is not likely to be advancing.   They lost their first match 8-0.   Good LAWD.  88th in the world gets no respect.

The Canadiaians are one of the world powers, ranked #5.   Noob handicaps this match at Canada minus, oh, 15.   Unless a lot of Cuban national team fans are showing up to Edinburgh, Texas to turn it into a home-match feel.   (8:30 PM, FS2)

RESULT:   Canadia   0-12        not a typo.   really.

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Number B, a literary star the world over.

B is for bear, and bacon.  So much the bacon.

  1. Cork City vs. Bohemian FC – FAI Cup (Ireland)

The Irish FA Cup semifinal!   Winners gets runaway league champion Dundalk for the Cup.

Cork City won the 2017 league title and finished #B this year.   They’ll present a nice, clean changing facility and some lovely parting gifts to midtable Bohemian before whomping them by a goal or two.

RESULT:   Cork    2-1         On to the Final!

  1. Once Caldas vs. Leones – Colombia Primera A

Let’s move through the Sadness Soccer in order of likelihood of an upset, least to most.

Leones are last in the current league season and in the multi-year aggregate Relegation table.  They’re the only club that averages less than a point in the table earned per match.  They’re getting Booted to Primera B, if B will even have them.

Once Caldas are just a point out of 1st place currently.  Noob think’s favoring them by a goal and a half is generous.  To Leones.

RESULT:   0-0

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You’re darn right Noob is.

  1. Guayaquil City vs. Deportivo Cuenca – Ecuador Serie A

Seven goals in 12 matches.   Is Quayquil even trying?   Really, they need not.  Last in their stage and the season’s aggregate table.  To avoid Relegation, they have to leapfrog two teams.  The second one is 14 points ahead of them.  Quayaquil has only scored seven points this entire Stage.

Cuenca are below average themselves, so this might be one of GC’s few chances to get a full-fledged win, being at home today.   (8:15 PM, GOL TV)

RESULT:   1-1

Fun Fact:  The second time Europeans went to loot Quayaquil, they had to suddenly quit the expedition when a yellow fever epidemic broke out.

  1. Fluminense vs. Parana Clube – Brazil Serie A

Only one team in the league hasn’t scored twice as many goals as Parana, and that club misses that mark by just two scores.  The bottom four get kicked out of this league, and Parana are ten points behind second-to-last place.

They’re not just getting Relegated.  They’re going to get forced to all retire, take up Tiddlywinks.

Fluminense are utterly average, and that’s good enough to expect them to coast to a two-goal win today.   (7:00 PM, Premiere Futebol Clube)

RESULT:   Fluminense   4-0

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World Tiddlywinks Championships.  Real.

[insert joke HERE]

 

  1. Tigre vs. Estudiantes – Argentina Primera

Argentina uses a three-season table to determine which clubs offend them most.  Tigre are second-to-last in that.  But so far this early season, they’re actually playing just bad soccer, instead of their usual horrific variety.

Estudiantes are playing horrifically.  Surprising.  This is typically a midtable club.   Noob’s forced to consider this a toss-up at worst for Tigre!   (6:00 PM, TyC International)

RESULT:   Tigre   1-0

Fun Fact:  The team no longer plays in the actual town of Tigre, bur rather in Victoria, Buenos Aires.

  1. Nittaidai vs. NTV Beleza – Japan Nadeshiko 1

In Japan’s top women’s league – one of the world’s strongest – they automatically Relegate just one team.  But the next team up the table will have to play in a Relegation Playoff with a second-tier team for the right to play N1 next year.

Nittaidai are in that latter position.  The season is young, but it appears there will be a big gap between the bottom three teams and everyone else.  Noob makes no prediction on which wins this game of Melancholy Musical Chairs and survives.  They’re all equally crappy.

Oh, and Beleza win the league every year of late and should beat them by 2-3 in their own house.  Wheeee!

RESULT:   Beleza   0-4

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“Yay – successful huddle!”

  1. Botosani vs. Dinamo Bucaresti – Romania Liga I

This is one of the European leagues that separates into Championship and Relegation subdivisions later in the season.  Just under a dozen matches in, it appears these two aren’t among the top candidates to actually get Relegated.  But they’re not far above them (11th and 12th of 14).

Both can actually score about as well as low-end midtable teams.  But they defend like wet papier-mache.

Not Exactly a “Fun” Fact:   The stand Dinamo’s ultras use is named after Catalan Hildan, a player who died at age 24.

RESULT:   Botosani   2-0         Maybe the tiniest of Miracles!

  1. Hapoel Tel Aviv vs. Ashdod – Israel Premier

We finish the Track with the least likely Relegation candidates that still qualify for today.   These two are two pretty average clubs that currently fall just below that Championship/Relegation line, same as Romania has.

HTA look to be trying to make every game 0-0.  It’s not an uncommon strategy for teams like them that were just Promoted, but that style of play rarely holds up over a whole season.

Ashdod don’t score much more.  Noob thinks they’re more likely to drop then climb into the top half and avoid danger.  This may be the Suckitudiest match of all, as Noob looks for it to be 0-0.

RESULT:   0-0       Ding!

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Heavens!  Is that Hapoel’s junk just fallen clean off and sitting there IN the crest?

’10 to Track’ soccer matches for Relegation Monday! After FA Cup, things go haywire today

The Management here.  Relegation Monday is where Noob mostly takes advantage of a lighter day on the world schedule to focus on clubs that might soon be dropped down to the next-lowest leagues.  And he does here.  Sort of.

But I’m taking over direct editorial duties today for what will shortly be obvious reasons.  Things start off reasonably sane, but then look out.

(Noob’s getting ready to move from an antidepressant to a mood stabilizer.  The Management almost wonders if we shouldn’t allow it, just to see how much more…THIS this can all get.)

Hey, I don’t remember signing off on my HIPAA rights!

Hush now, “talent”.  The Management will make everything okay.

  1. Wigan Athletic vs. Manchester City – English FA Cup

Wigan’s in third-tier League One.  They were just Relegated last season and are in position to move right back up to second division Championship League.

And their success in that quest won’t help them a lick today.  The visitors will cruise.  Premier #1 Manchester City’s English power could replace the God Particle concept in The Cloverfield Paradox.

RESULT:   Wigan   1-0     

What an upset!!  Wigan played great defense in the first half.  Then at the very end of the first half,  a Man City defender was given a red card.  

Even down to ten men, Man City dominated the second half statistically.  Except for on the scoreboard.

Wigan are Man City’s FA CUP-kryptonite.  These two also faced off in 2013 and 2014, and Wigan won those as well.

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Nice work, Dan the Intern-o Inferno.

Wait!!  That’s the god particle from Angels & Demons.  WRONG movie. 

Time for the paddle.

 B.  Al-Ahli vs. Al-Jazira – AFC Champions League

This event is early in its Group Stage.   Pods of four, double Round Robin, top two finishers in each advance to the next Round.

Al-Ahli is #B in the Saudi Pro League this year, easily in position to play this event next year, too.  Al-Jazira from U.A.E.  may have won their Pro-League last season, but they’re only in 5th now, and mostly by virtue of lots of draws.  It will be interesting to see if can put up any fight on the road today.

RESULT:   Al-Ahli   2-1    Not as dramatic as Game #1 above.  Al-Jazira scored a 90′ goal.

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Number B is ready to put up a fight.

  1. Lazio vs. Hellas Verona – Serie A

Lazio is in 5th place in Italy, only two points out of 4th and a Champions League invite for next year.   They will not sleep a bit on anyone.  Bad news for second-to-last Hellas Verona.  Neither team plays good defense, but Lazio has a high-level offense.

RESULT:   Lazio   2-0

The Management:  Okay, here we go down the rabbit hole now.  I’ll give you brief soccer info since Noob went fritz-y.

CJ is in last place in the multi-year Relegation table.  PdP is not that good.

  1. Patronato de Parana vs. Chacarita Juniors – Argentine Super League

Noob’s brain hurts.  When is it “Argentine” versus “Argentinian”?  If I can’t get a lexicographer on this, isn’t there a video assistant referee available at least?  Someone, anyone??

Crap on a cracker, where’s that Dan the Intern-o Inferno?  Research time, slave-boy!

RESULT:   PdP   3-0

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  1. Vitosha Bistrista vs. Dunav Ruse – Bulgaria First Pro League

This league does a Relegation avoidance event at regular season’s end with the bottom half or so of the table.  Good thing for these two, because otherwise they’d be gone, baby, gone.  Second-to-last visits 0-5-15 here.  VB gives up more than two goals per game average.

RESULT:   Dunav Ruse   1-2

(The Management:   Nice recovery.)

  1. AGF Aarhus vs. SonderjyskE – Danish Superliga

Why doesn’t my virtual touch keyboard allow me to do the special O with the diagonal line through it?  If Noob’s going to put in the effort, there are things I require!  Stupid Elvish runic malarkey anyway.   Tolkein’s trying to ruin my Monday.

And what the blazes is up with that capital E at the end of the visiting club’s name?  That’s not a typo, Noobites.

RESULT:   0-0

(The Management:  Two teams in the bottom half of the league that will play in the Relegation avoidance event at season’s end probably.)

  1. Gornick Zabreze vs. Termalica Nieciecza – Poland Ekstraklasa

OK, Noob apologizes to JRR Tolkien.  Elvish runic poppycock is easier to deal with than Niecknaczalgna-whatever.  Are you kidding me with that, Poland?

RESULT:   GZ   3-0

(The Management:  #4 versus second-to-last)

(The Management:  Below, two mid-pack teams.  Botosani’s in 8th, barely in the Relegation avoidance mix.)

  1. Viitorul Constata vs. Botosani – Romania Liga I

Ahhhhh.  Noob’s reentering his Happy Place.  Sweet, sweet double-i’s make everything better.  I could mainline double-I, OD and not care a whit.  Maybe tomorrow Noob will scout a good midweek match from the Estonian Meistrliiga.  Liiiiii-gah.

RESULT:   VC   2-1

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El Primo Padre knows what’s up.

Double i’s should be sainted.

  1. Al Ahly vs. Al Nasr – Egypt Premier

First vs. Last.  The only thing more Monday perfect may be when the bottom two in a table face off, like with the Bulgarian FecalFest from earlier.

RESULT:   Al Ahly   5-0

(The Management:  FecalFest?   Well, at least there was some soccer in there.  Finally calming down?)

  1. Racing de Casablanca vs. Ittihad Tanger – Morocco Botola Pro

Noob needs his progressive trifocals prescription updated.  I read this on my scouting sites as “Tiger” not “Tanger” until it was almost too late.

And “Independent Tiger” wouldn’t make a ton of sense anyway.  Noob’s faculties, such as they are, are failing.  I long for the sweet dirt nap.  Bring me reprieve, release, Relegation Monday!

RESULT:   Tanger   1-2

(The Management:  *head desk*)

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