’10 to Track’, weekend edition – hating Hotspur, exalting Amuricuh

Saturday, 1/20

1.  Burnley vs. Manchester United – English Premier League

How are Burnley still in 7th?   They haven’t won a match since 12/12.  Man Utd may be in comfortable shape at #2, but even if they come in relaxed they should house Burnley in front of their own fans.

RESULT:   Man Utd   0-1

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Burnley will try anything to end this skid…

B.  Cruz Azul vs. Leon – Liga MX

Leon is one of only two teams to win their first two Clausura (second half-season) matches.  Cruz Azul is just behind them at 1-1-0.  If Leon can shore up their defense some, they have the offense to stay up in the table.  These two finished 6th and 7th respectively in the Apertura (first half-season).

This game will have America’s attention, as Leon just signed all-time great Landon Donovan out of retirement.

RESULT:   0-0

  1. Coleraine vs. Crusaders – Northern Irish Premier League

Yellowman for everyone!   It’s #2 v #1 and Noob brings the celebratory snacks.   It’s also best defense versus best offense.  Semiprofessional league or not, this is the best matchup today.

RESULT:   3-3    Crusaders had this one in hand 3-1 when they went down to ten men after a red card.

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Like honeycomb, but more Northern Irish-y

 

 

Sunday, 1/21

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Freedom survey, Amuricuh–

Hot or horrifying?

RESULT:   5-1    USA      And horrifying.

  1. USA vs. Denmark – women’s international friendly
  2. Santos vs. Morelia – Liga MX

Santos finished way down in the Apertura standings, courtesy of an astonishing nine draws.   They only play 17 matches each half season.

In Noob’s book, the Monarchs of Morelia can stow it.   Mexico has no kings or queens.   You’re a federal republic.  Get it together and make some sense!  But I’m just warming up…

RESULT:   Santos   1-0

  1. Southampton vs. Tottenham Sir Topham Hatt Hotspur – English Premier League

Southampton are just one spot out of the Relegation Zone.   Here’s to hoping they can improve on that, since that would be done by beating loathsome Hotspur!

They should never have made Tottenham namesake Harry “Hotspur” Percy a Knight of the Garter.   He was a traitorous villain and cretinous yahoo to boot.  Scorn!  Bile and vitriol!

RESULT:   1-1

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Dan “the Intern-o Inferno” thinks a chill, roller skating turtle can quell Noob’s rage?

  1. Lyon vs. Paris-Saint Germain – Ligue 1

PSG may have nearly a double-digit lead on the pack, but this match is HYOOJ.

Lyon is in 3rd, in line for France’s last 2018 Champions League berth.  They’re nipping at Marseille’s heels for #2, which would allow them to skip a CL qualifying round and enter right into the Group Stage.  But in turn, underachieving AS Monaco is breathing down their necks.

RESULT:   Lyon   2-1

  1. Inter Milan vs. AS Roma – Serie A

The top two in Italy have all but bronzed their Champions League berths.  These two and Lazio are battling it out for the last two CL spots.

5th place Roma hasn’t shown the offense to move up, but Inter aren’t tons better in that regard.  This may end up a defensive slog, but it will be a highly-competitive one.

RESULT:   1-1

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Signore grasse italiane abbronzate

What’s Italian for “ewww”.

  1. Antwerp vs. Club Brugge – Belgium First Division A

Brugge already have enough points to qualify for the end-of-season six-team league Championship Playoff.  Antwerp is in 4th, fighting for seeding.  They lead KAA Gent by just two in the table.  Even at home, they’ll be doing well to even earn a draw here.

RESULT:   2-2      Antwerp blew this one.   Brugge got their goals in the last two minutes.

  1. APOEL Nicosia vs. AEK Larnaca – Cypriot First Division

With seven games to go, APOEL has already guaranteed themselves a spot in the postseason league championship playoffs.  But there are three teams not far off their pace, so they’ll be playing hard to maintain #1 seed.

Larnaca is tied for 2nd, and in a dogfight.   APOEL is better on both sides of the ball, but Noob’s still predicting that when all the kicking is done, Larnaca will have that #2 seed.   They have too much offense for their current peers to keep up.

RESULT:   APOEL   3-1

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Despite Noob’s best efforts, I’m not sure we can count on Anthony Edwards-intervention here.

Ten to Track (8/11/17)

Around the Western World in 10 Games!   The weekend’s first evening is usually a little light, but here are your still pretty solid matchups —

1. Arsenal vs. Leicester City –  English Premier League

The Premiere is back! I may be Noob, but even I know to get excited.

I started tracking soccer – just a little – two seasons ago, towards the end of Leicester’s championship campaign. I now understand just how much of a breath of fresh air it was, as the league is normally dominated by seven particular teams, and Leicester ain’t one.

B. Atlas vs. America – Liga MX

Amuricuh!

And it’s a matchup of two top half teams from last season’s Clausura (second half! Nooooooooob learningness), this should be the more competitive of the this league’s offerings this date.

3. Stade Rennes vs. Lyon –  Ligue 1

Lyon just missed out on making this year’s UEFA Champion’s League last season, finishing 4th. Stade Rennes was a top half club.

4. Edmonton vs. NY Cosmos – North American Soccer League

NASL is the much smaller Tier Two League, compared to USL, and so their postseason only has four teams. The fabled Cosmos finished third in the leagues Spring Season, and so is in decent position to perhaps finish with one of the two best overall non-division champion records and get in the playoff mix. Edmonton, Canadia should fall to them, even at home.

5. Zulte-Waregem vs. Brugge – Belgian Jupiler League

Last season’s #2 hosts #3.

UEFA ranks’s Belgiums’s top flite league as 8th best on the continent, right behind surprising-to-me-is-this-high Russia and surprisingly-low-to-me Portugal.

6. Ballymena vs. Crusaders – Northern Irish Premiership

Crusaders were the only team to seriously challenge Linfield last season for this group’s Champions League slot. But like Crusaders, Ballymena also got into the Europa League, with a 4th place finish.

7. Bangor City vs. T.N.S. – Welsh Premier

The New Saints lapped the field last season, though have already lost in the early stages of the 2017-18 Champions League. Bangor City finished 4th and achieved a Europa League slot.

8. America de Cali vs. Deportivo Cali – Copa Colombia

The battle for Santiago de Cali is on! This semifinal FA Cup match is the second of the two-legged tie. Deportivo leads 1-0 on aggregate.

9. FCI Tallinn vs. Levadia Tallinn – Estonian Meistriliiga

This league’s top four teams are all from Tallinn. This matchup features #3 and #4.

10. Maribor vs. Donzale – Slovenian Prva Liga

Maribor is the superpower of this league, should handle last season’s #4 squad easily.