’10 to Track’ Relegation Monday soccer matches – embrace the Suckitude!

Noob had such a grand old time guesting on the Bros Talking Soccer podcast last night, I was too tuckered out to do an advance write up for Relegation Monday!

You can find podcast platform links at  http://brostalkingsoccerpodcast.com for this most recent episode (#96) and their other ‘casts.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gs2XT0bzOT0   can be used to get to the recording of the live-stream on YouTube.

The Bros were such good sports.  And they’re such young, bright-eyed lads.   Youth and hopefulness simply beam from them.   Noob had an absolute ball being a part of it!   Watching little parts of their souls wither and die from enduring a guest as odd as me and who Does. Not. Know. Soccer. For Realz. was awkward and fascinating.

But Noobites, I’m getting there!   WE are getting there.  And on Mondays, we get our learning on by visiting clubs on the edge of getting Relegated – kicked out of their current leagues – for poor performance.

Today, all but one of the matches is already complete, a new twist for the Track.

Before the pain, let’s check out a match of happier import.

  1. Arsenal vs. Leicester City – English Premier League

Sweet, sweet Arsenal.   You have Noob’s adoration just for being accursed Tottenham  Sir Topham Hatt Hotspour’s archirival.  Instead of being named for a cretinous multi-time historical traitor, you are GUHNS.   So, so Americuh-y.

Anyway!   This was the lone offering from the EPL today.  Mezut Ozil scored just before the break and Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang scored a pair later to lead Arsenal to a 3-1 win.  They still don’t look like they’ll have the chops to compete for the league title, but this keeps them part of a three-way tie for 3rd place.  Leicester remains in 11th.

And now, the Matches of Suckitude!

B.  Bray Wanderers vs. Derry City – League of Ireland Premier

A Relegation Monday Miracle!

Bray are so far in last place, there’s been no chance of their fate being changed for some time.   They have fewer than half the table points of Sligo Rovers, the lowest team in the standings not in a Relegation position.  But a 90’ goal from John Sullivan gave them the 2-1 win today over the league #7 side.

  1. Cracovia vs. Gornik Zabrze – Poland Ekstraklasa

Oooh, this one oozed with awfulness.  Noob can’t believe either team scored.  Cracovia managed it twice, though, in skunking now-last place G.Z.  Cracovia climb out of the cellar and into a tie for 14th with the win.

This is one of the leagues that splits into Championship and Relegation subdivisions late in their season.  These two will both be there at the end.  Their offenses aren’t much better than half as good as any other club’s.

  1. Maccabi Haifa vs. Maccabi Netanya – Israel Premier

This league is plummeting towards merely average in the UEFA rankings.  As you would imagine, at least one of these two isn’t helping the cause.

Haifa were below average last year and no better this season. Netanya finished 5th, in 2017-18, but sit in last currently.

Netanya today jumped all the way into a tie for 9th with an 0-2 win.  It’s hard to know how much to read into it.  They got the first goal after their hosts went down to ten men via a straight red card, then got goal number two after Haifa lost another player to a straight red.  Some-club woke up on the wrong side of the bed, came to work all crankypants.

  1. Trabzonspor vs. Erzurum – Turkey Super Lig

Three teams will get The Boot from Turkey at season’s end.  Erzurum just came up from the second division and so far look like they’re going right back down.  They managed to hold #7 Trabzon to a scoreless draw today and that’s fine work.   But they’re going to need get past their growing pains in top-flite soon.

  1. Luch Minsk vs. Gomel – Belarus Premier

Congrats to the Belarusian Premier League!   When the 2019 rankings are out, they will be #21, several notches above dead average in all Europe.

And more kudos go out to Luch.  La la LUCH!  They started the day in second-to-last, good for getting Demoted when the league season is done.  But with a 1-0 victory today, they climb a notch, out of danger for the moment, and two points clear of Torpedo Minsk.

The score was an own-goal by Gideon Baah, who Noob likes to imagine exclaimed his own last name after the gaffe.

  1. Brommapojkama vs. Goteborg – Sweden Allsvenskanliga

You know, Noob sure missed Dan the Intern-o Inferno.  Quality technical, computer-y work.   Endured my shenanigans.   I want to try getting an update on how things are going with him at his new job with the Swedish women’s football association…but I’m afeared.  Noob thinks he may be a spy of some sort, though I don’t know for whom.

Bromma started the day in second-to-last, and there they remain after an 0-2 loss to after below average Goteborg.   They’re tied on points with Dalkurd.  If they can climb past them, they could at least defend their top-flite status for 2018-19 by winning a Relegation Playoff match against whatever club finishes in 3rd in the second division.

But that’s not likely.  They’ve got the worst offense and defense.  It’s a wonder they have six wins to cellar dweller Trellsborg’s mere three.

  1. Belgrano vs. Banfield – Argentina Premier

Belgrano are in the bottom four in Argentina’s multi-year Relegation table.   One win was not going to move them out, but they nearly added another upset to our Monday mayhem.  But midtable Banfield got the equalizer at 90’.  Que lastima, Belgrano.

  1. Dinamo Bucaresti vs. Dinarea Calarasi – Romania Liga I

This is another league that divides into two separate divisions near season’s end.  While neither is at the bottom of the table, both are currently in that Relegation subdivision zone.  After a 1-1 draw today, they remain in 12th and tied for 9th, respectively.

Calarasi’s defensive numbers show they can perhaps flirt with escaping the Danger Zone.  D-Buc play none at all.  They’re offense is ok for an also-ran, but not likely enough to make a serious run towards the table’s top half.

  1. Tecnico Universidad vs. Independiente de Valle – Ecuador Serie A

We finish the Track with the one match that at time of this writing isn’t already complete.  High drama awaits!  If you’re satellite package is deep enough, you can even catch this at 9:00 PM EST on GOL TV.

What will you be catching?  A home team trying like the dickens to get out of the bottom two of the aggregate table.  Right now they’re in just third-to-last.  If they can make this a shooutout, they’ve got at least an even chance at a win against IdV, which is only two spots higher in the table.

RESULT:   IdV   0-2

Author: Soccernoob

After a year of previewing soccer matches the world over with my own off-brand comedy, I now provide exclusive coverage for the Isle of Sodor Premier League, Championship, and FA Cup. (FC Dryaw 'til I die.)

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