’10 to Track’ Weekend Edition soccer matches – MLS, Liga MX lead the way

As Mexico’s top league starts up and UEFA’s leagues get ready to, the ten most important matches to follow for us – the newish American fans of the global game – start to look more serious.

Good thing Noob will only treat them semi-seriously.

(Saturday’s posted matches – with results – now proceed Sunday’s.)

Sunday

  1. Minnesota United vs. LAFC – Major League Soccer

Your lone MLS game of the day is at 9th place Loons.   And MIN have won two in a row at home, against good teams (RSL, New England).   But LAFC are better still.   The treat soccer like pinball, the way they score.  Noob would handicap Minny a goal even on their own turf.

RESULT:   Minnesota   5-1      Good golly, Miss Molly

  1. Toluca vs. Monarcas Morrelia – Liga MX

Toluca won the Clausura last we saw our heroes.  They also finished #B in the Liguilla.  Morelia finished just 8th, barely making the postseason.  Let’s see if they beefed up their defense like they should’ve in the off season.

RESULT:   Toluca   2-0

Image result for soccer beef

 

French roast beef.  Soccer ball bun looks like dirty styrofoam.

  1. Liverpool vs. Borussia Dortmund – International Champions Cup

Tournament of friendly matches around ‘Muricuh and the world.  This one’s in Charlotte, just two days after Dortmund beat Man City 0-1 in Chicago.  Attendees will be hoping to see Dortmund’s Christian Pulisic once again, and 2017-18 4th-place Liverpool’s record-setting goal-scorer Mo Salah.

Noob may have just set a record for hyphens in that last clause.

RESULT:   Dortmund   1-3      Noob did not get to watch, but read that Liverpool dominated every which way but the one that counted.  Pulisic and the tying and go-ahead (89′) goals.

  1. Club Brugge vs. Standard Liege – Belgium Super Cup

The regular season is about to kick off, so lead in with a Sooooooper Cup!   Last season’s league winners host the nation’s FA Cup defending champs.  Standard Liege came on very strong at the end of regular season, making a tight race out of what looked like a runaway 1st for Brugge.

RESULT:   Brugge   2-1

Image result for Colin Farrell In Bruges funny

 

Bruge – come for the football, stay for what Colin Farrell saw in “In Bruges”.

 

 

Saturday

  1. New York Red Bulls vs. New England Revolution – Major League Soccer

Red Bulls rebounded nicely after their Hudson River Darby loss at New York City FC, getting a 3-2 win over Western Conference power Sporting Kansas City.  They’re holding well at 3rd place in the East.

Noob was a little surprised to see the Rev so high, 5th place.  But they’ve in fact lost two in a row.  And to poor teams at that (Minnesota Utd., L.A. Galaxy).  Things don’t look great for them heading up against the East’s best defense.  They may have to put on a shutout, and goalie Matt Turner has been fading as the summer has gone on.

RESULT:   Red Bulls   2-0

Image result for Matt Turner New England Revolution funny

 

“Lately, I miss making saves by -this much-.”

B.  Houston Dynamo vs. FC Dallas – Major League Soccer

Dallas is in 1st, despite a loss to Real Salt Lake two matches ago.  Hosting the stumbling Chicago Fire for your next match will help with that.

Houston are down in 7th, but just one spot out of a Playoff berth.  They’ve not lost in three straight league matches, and beat Kansas City in the U.S. Open Cup their last match out to boot.  Their team stats look good, but they’ll have to start winning some close matches to make a move into a Playoff slot in the table.

RESULT:   1-1

Image result for dancing letter B

 

 

Number B is making and has the moves.

  1. Orlando Pride vs. Seattle Reign – National Women’s Soccer League

#3 hosts #B in a match to try and stay above #4 and avoid #1 North Carolina in the Playoffs.  The league regular season title is a done deal at this point.

Orlando will try to push the pace against the league’s top defense today.    But as The Management would agree, Seattle must win.  Teams from cities built on Swamps must go down!  Bad urban planning should never see good things happen.

RESULT:   1-1

  1. Bayern Munich vs. PSG – International Champions Cup

See the Friday Track for a couple details on this event.  Suffice to say this event isn’t much more than glorified friendless.  Still, getting to see even some reserves mixed in is a nice treat with defending German and French league champions out there.

RESULT:   Bayern   3-1      PSG is a very youthful squad this year turns out, too.

Image result for doesn't count funny

 

 

 

So much the things not counting.

  1. Pachuca vs. Monterrey – Liga MX

Mexico’s 2018-19 season begins!   Pachuca finished 9th in the 2017-18 Clausura (second half-season), just missing out on the Liguilla (playoffs).  Monterrey finished 3rd.  Noob doesn’t know too much yet about any chances the teams may have done in their short off-season, but it’s always good to see North America’s top-rated league in action.

RESULT:   Monterrey   0-1

  1. Shakhtar Donetsk vs. Dynamo Kyiv – Ukraine Super Cup

Normally these Super Cups in each country are contested by the defending league champs and the reigning FA Cup titleholders.  S.D. won both, so they play the league runner-up instead.  These matches are glorified friendlies, serve nicely as intros in the league seasons about to start.  This one will be at a neutral site, in Odessa.

RESULT:   Kyiv   0-1     Super Smexy Cup winners!

Image result for smexy meme

 

 

 

 

Super Smexy Cup.

Author: Soccernoob

After a year of previewing soccer matches the world over with my own off-brand comedy, I now provide exclusive coverage for the Isle of Sodor Premier League, Championship, and FA Cup. (FC Dryaw 'til I die.)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.