D-Twosday Interview with former San Jose coach Dominic Kinnear

That second-tier North American soccer playoff smell is in the air!   Perspiration, desperation …and maybe more than a little hope for certain players that MLS clubs will be calling in a few months.  Breathe it in Noobites.  It’s glorious.

Full disclosure, as always from Noob:   It turns out it’s also a difficult time of year to get playoff coaches for interviews.  But fear not!  Noob’s reach is long and distinguished.  We’re going to talk to a guy who may be coaching in USL, if he’s lucky, next year.

Today, Noob welcomes to the D-Twosday Interview former San Jose Earthquakes head coach Dominic Kinnear!

Noob:  Welcome, coach Kinnear, to D-Twosday interview.

Coach Dominic Kinnear:   Is that like “twofer twosdays” on 100.3 The Sound here in L.A.?

Noob:  Very much so.  Would you like to make a musical request for our time here?

Coach Kinnear:  Rush stands the test of time more than any prog rock band ever.  Do you have “Vital Signs”?

Noob:  Does a Catholic bear crap in the Pope’s woods?

Coach Kinnear:  I….I don’t know.


Coach Kinnear:  I guess that answers that.  Rock on.

Noob:  I mixed a couple old saws together there into a jarring combination.  No worries.

Coach Kinnear:  Rush is all I have that makes me happy any longer.

Noob:  Tell me about what happened in San Jose.

Coach Kinnear:  Sure!  Not like I have playoffs to get ready for.  The men in high places.  They chose to mold a new reality.

Noob: “Closer to the Heart”, ’77.

Coach Kinnear:   They wanted to focus on youth.  We’d been playing pretty decent ball!  But glittering prizes, endless compromises…

Noob:  Indeed, the illusion of integrity seemed shattered.  “Spirit of Radio”.  Continue.

Coach Kinnear:  So I caught on as an assistant to L.A. Galaxy.  They chose me as something of a guide, like a celestial voice.

Noob:  1980, “Free Will”.  All-timer.

Coach Kinnear:  Fat lot of good it did.  San Jose sneaks into the playoffs on the last day of the regular season while my guys are last place.  Seems to be I could be living my life a lot better than I am.

Noob:  “Working Man”.  They used a version for the theme on “Transporter: The TV Series”.

Coach Kinnear:  That sucked.

Noob:  Don’t try to be cool around me.

Coach Kinnear:  Fine.  It was more than passable, if uneven in its only season.  I was out of synch with the rhythm of my own reactions.

Noob:   Ooooh.  Don’t tell me…don’t…dang it!  Stumped.

Coach Kinnear: “Secret Touch.”  You’re no fan!  Who do you think you are?  You’re not worthy to tune Neil Peart’s drum head.

Noob:  I am Noob.

Coach Kinnear:  I’d feel better if you played the song.

Noob:  I’d feel better if I knew for sure “tuning a drumhead” wasn’t a euphemism.  But the time we’ve had has been exquisite and mesmerizing, Coach.  Thank you for joining me for D-Twosday!

Author: Soccernoob

After a year of previewing soccer matches the world over with my own off-brand comedy, I now provide exclusive coverage for the Isle of Sodor Premier League, Championship, and FA Cup. (FC Dryaw 'til I die.)

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