1. Atlanta United vs. Minnesota United – MLS
This match won’t be close. Yet expansion Atlanta is worth watching live if you can. They’re in 3rd place, and Noob thinks the second-best team in all MLS after Toronto FC. Upset! RESULT: Minnesota 2-3
B. Port Vale vs. Newcastle United U21 – EFL Trophy
Let’s get to know England’s third-most prestigious tournament! For most of its history. This event has been just for teams in League One and League two – the third and fourth tier leagues in the UK. It now includes any Premiere League and Championship League (tiers one and two) academy teams.
The event starts this year with 64 teams, split up into Groups of eight. The top two from each group will advance. All teams are only just playing their second games of the event now. Here, League Two’s Port Vale takes on the Newcastle kiddies. RESULT: Port Vale 1-0
Newcastle U21 taking in strategy lecture.
3. Walsall vs. Coventry City – EFL Trophy
Despite being only a League Two side, Coventry City is the event’s defending champions. As Noob lives in a namesake subdivision, they’re Adopted! Welcome to the family. Now – don’t suck. Suck avoidance! RESULT: Coventry 2-2 / 3-4 pk
Is the bird on the right a Phoenix, or just on fire?
4. Colchester United vs. Gillingham – EFL Trophy
How seriously do the English take their football? Colchester is a League Two club, yet has a stadium that holds 10,000. I think that’d be like Division III or NAIA American college football-level. RESULT: Gillingham 0-1
5. Peterborough vs. Northampton – EFL Trophy
Peterborough is known as “The Posh”. Noob doens’t know much about the town’s socioeconomic status. The nickname actually comes from a 1920’s coach who said he wanted posh players for his posh team. Spicy. RESULT: Northampton 1-1 / 2-4 pk
Supporter, or Wannabe supporter?
6. Internacional vs. Parana Clube – Brasileiro B
Internacional won the Copa Libertadores in 2010, so it’s a wonder to see them playing second-tier league football. That said they’re in 1st and have their promotion back into top flight basically locked up. Parana Clube is in 3rd. Four teams get promoted, but they’re not out of the woods yet. had the home and away teams mixed up. Parana 1-0
7. Arambagh vs. Dhaka Mohammedan – Bangladesh Premier
We return, Noobites, to the land of Bengal! Come for the football, stay for the hot beef curry. Actually, you can have my portion. Nasty curry! 8th hosts 7th place here. RESULT: DM 1-3
8. Sheik Russell vs. Saif FC – Bangladesh Premier
5th hosts 3rd. Saif is also the name of the league’s title corporate sponsor. That makes it seem a wonder to Noob that the namesake club doesn’t end up undefeated. RESULT: 1-1
9. LLB S4A – Le Messager Bujumbura – Burundi Primus League
Lydia Ludic Burundi Sports 4 Africa are the league’s defending champion. They’re just getting going this season, but they’re in first again. Intracity rival LMB is in 15th. RESULT: L.L. Bean 1-0
This club’s other full name. And crappy crest! Booo.
10. Ngozi City vs. Aigle Noir – Burundi Primus League
5th hosts 4th in another solid African league matchup. Noob coudn’t quickly find much on either team. But it’s interesting that Aigle Noir is also the name of a Haitian football club. RESULT: Aigle Noir 2-3
Incorrect, sub-Saharan Urkel.