10 to Track (Thurs., 9/28/2017)

1. BATE Borisov vs. Arsenal – Europa League

The Group Stage continues in UEFA’s second-best tournament. Remember: Pods are of four teams. Top two in each advance to the bracketed Knockout Round.

Borisov Automobile and Tractor Electronics is the historical power of Belarussian soccer. That likely won’t help at home against even a moderately struggling Arsenal side.  RESULT:   Arsenal  2-4

B. Red Bull Salzburg vs. Marseille – Europa League

Image result for Red Bull odd   Apparently wiings don’t replace feet.

RESULT:   RB Salzburg  1-0

3. Partizan Belgrade vs. Dynamo Kiev – Europa League

Serbian “The Steamroller” takes on a tough Ukrainian side. Noobstradamus is having a vision of a road win for the Dynamo! Either that, or I had some really good (or bad?) quark fritters.    Noob success!   RESULT:   Kiev  2-3

Image result for quark fritters  Google you up some recipe, Noobites.

4. Zenit St. Petersburg vs. Real Sociedad – Europa League

St. Petersburg! Come for the Hermitage Museum, stay to see them lose to a La Liga team. Noobstradamus sees all. Well, some.   Or none.  Noob fail!   RESULT:   Zenit   3-1

Image result for vitruvius lego movie   Might see all if I could get my left eye fully open.

5. Nice vs. Vitesse Arnhem – Europa League

Noob is unimpressed with the Netherlands team. Picking them to get manhandled by a Ligue 1 side doesn’t take clairvoyant powers.   RESULT:   Nice  3-0

Image result for unimpressed funny   Unimpressed potato is just that.

6. Lyon vs. Atalanta – Europa League

The surprise team from last season’s Italian league, however, may well give a French side all it wants and perhaps more.   RESULT:   1-1

7. Macabbi Tel Aviv vs Villareal – Europa League

The funny thing is, the Macabees for whom the Jewish sports society name is taken would’ve actually been very anti-athletics.   RESULT:   0-0

8. Godoy Cruz de Mendoza vs. Banfield – Copa Argentina

Noob did not know that “bodega” is actually Spanish for “wine cellar”. Pretty cool nickname for a stadium. Which it is for Godoy Cruz. This is a Round of 16 match, and remember: true knockout competition, no home and away legs.   On, bodegans!   Sure, that’s a word.   RESULT:   GCM  2-1

9. CD Motagua vs. UPFNM – Honduras Premier

UPFNM is a university team of sorts. It pulls it’s players from a couple of cities, one of which is Motagua.   RESULT:  1-1

Image result for kmfdm   UPFNM, meet KMFDM.

10. Pars Jonoubi Jam Bushehr vs. Padideh FC – Persian Gulf League

#1 hosts #2 early in Iran’s top flight league season. Noob is guessing PJJB is the only team in the world named for a gas field.   RESULT:   1-1

Image result for jaaam funny   Then where’s your Pars jersey?

Author: Soccernoob

After a year of previewing soccer matches the world over with my own off-brand comedy, I now provide exclusive coverage for the Isle of Sodor Premier League, Championship, and FA Cup. (FC Dryaw 'til I die.)

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