10 to Track (Sunday, 9/17/2017)

1. Chelsea vs. Arsenal – English Premiere League

Defending champion Chelsea is near the top early, but the Manchester clubs look really dominant. They should be putting their foot down on .500 Arsenal.    RESULT:   0-0

Image result for arsenal memes 2017  Hey, still way better to like Arsenal than their Tottenham Hotspur rivals.

B. NY Red Bulls vs. Philadelphia Union – MLS

The Eastern Division is starting to sort itself out. Red Bulls sit in the 6th and final playoff standings slot. 8th place Philly is six points behind, desperately in need of a win. Noob suspects NYRB will sit on the ball, happy with a draw.    RESULT:  0-0

3. Borussia Dortmund vs. FC Cologne – Bundesliga

Noob hasn’t mentioned a single player name in any T2T, and by design. I’m introducing all of us to league teams and international events first. But Dortmund is getting a sizable American following because of 21-year old Christian Pulisic. He’s going to be -the- star for the US Men’s National Team for many years.    Still no points on the season for Cologne.   RESULT:  Dortmund 5-0

4. Paris Saint-Germain vs. Lyon – Ligue 1

PSG is 5-0-0 and has outscored opponents 19-3. Lyon’s a nice side, but there’s no reason to think they won’t get housed here.  RESULT:  PSG  2-0

Image result for french soccer meme  You know that movie doesn’t end well for you, right?

5. Toluca vs. Queretaro – Liga MX

Los Choriceros (“The Sausagers”) of Toluca carry one of Noob’s favorite nicknames. A win against subpar Queretaro keeps them in the top half of the league standings.    RESULT:  Toluca  3-2

6. Jordan vs. Kenya – friendly

Sounds like a celebrity rap battle.    RESULT:  cancelled

Image result for celebrity rap battle  Noob would rather watch Schwimmer and Wilson play football than this.

7. Swope Park Rangers vs. San Antonio FC – USL

Awesome division two matchup, as 4th place hosts 2nd in the West. Rangers are a The Management favorite, but Noob holds no love for anything Kansas City. This weekend he is an unofficial member of SAFC supporter’s group “Mission City Firm”.    RESULT:  SPR  5-2

Image result for mission city firm  Over -everything-?  Well, that’s a commitment.

8. PSV Eindhoven vs. Feyenoord Rotterdam – Dutch Eredivisie

Eindhoven finished third last season with just two losses, but a mess of draws. Feyenoord won last year, leads early this year. PSV is finally struggling with less goal-scoring firepower than the traditional league powers.    RESULT:  PSV 1-0

9. Jubilo Iwata vs. Urawa Red Diamonds – J1 League

These two usual league leaders have struggled this season. But Noob never misses a chance to let The Situation show us what he knows. Here our Urawa cry, gym-tan-sushi!    RESULT:   1-1

Image result for the situation pointing at abs  Where the sushi goes.  And you’re welcome, ladies.  I think.

10. Mamelodi Sundowns vs. Wydad Casablanca – CAF Champions League

South African and Moroccan super clubs face off in this the first leg of this quarterfinal tie.

“Wydad” is Arabic for “love” and the name is used here as homage to an incredibly famous 20th C. Egyptian singer and actress, Umm Kulthum.    RESULT:   Sundowns  1-0

Image result for umm kulthum wydadh poster

Author: Soccernoob

After a year of previewing soccer matches the world over with my own off-brand comedy, I now provide exclusive coverage for the Isle of Sodor Premier League, Championship, and FA Cup. (FC Dryaw 'til I die.)

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