1. Barcelona vs. Juventus – UEFA Champions League
And now the competition proper begins. Group Stage time. This game features the two most evenly-matched teams today – last season’s La Liga #2 vs. Italy’s champion. RESULT: Barcelona 3-0
B. AS Roma vs. Atletico Madrid – UEFA Champions League
Let’s go back to the well with Italy’s #2 from last year taking on Spain’s numero tres. RESULT: 0-0
And the unacceptable double dip
3. Celtic vs. Paris Saint-Germain – UEFA Champions League
The most intriguing matchup of the day lies here. PSG obviously comes from the stronger league, but Celtic absolutely mowed down the Scottish Premiere last year and opens thisevent at home. RESULT: PSG 0-5
4. Benifica vs. CSKA Moscow – UEFA Champions League
Portugal’s reigning champ gets Russia’s second-best. These teams lost just a combined six games last season. **UPSET** RESULT: CSKA Moscow 1-2
5. Manchester United vs. FC Basel – UEFA Champions League
It’s been mentioned before, but The Management got to see FC Basel’s stadium on a trip to see an old mutual friend of ours somewhat recently. If this gives TM a rooting interest, Noob thinks the Swiss’ best are going to disappoint him against England’s. RESULT: Man U 3-0
6. Bayern Munich vs. Anderlecht – UEFA Champions League
The beer-making contest would be awesome. But Germany’s reigning champion should handle Belgium’s. RESULT: Bayern Munich 3-0
But which nations’s beer is better, himbo?
7. Chelsea vs. FK Qarabag – UEFA Champions League
Azerbaijan’s finest footballers seem to appear a surprising amount in the T2T. They’re going to probably appear with something like an 0-2 result after this match. RESULT: Chelsea 6-0
8. Morelia vs. Necaxa – Liga MX
Getting back to North America with a couple above-average teams. Morelia’s are the Monarchs. Another team on the anti-Adoption list for Noob. If your nation doesn’t have a monarchy, knock it off. Boooooo! RESULT: Morelia Monarchs 2-1
Hold on, Gary Cole. There’s a different, weirdly-timed Office Space drop coming shortly.
9. Al Ahly vs. Persepolis – AFC Champions League
Asia’s isn’t nearly as prestigious as Europe’s, but top-flight federation tournaments will never get ignored here. This is the second leg of a quarterfinal in which the aggregate is 2-2. This will undoubtedly be the best match of the quarters for this event no matter which others are facing off. On to the semis! RESULT: Persepolis 3-1
10. Crusaders vs. Linfield – Northern Irish Premier
Last season these two ran away and hid from the rest of the league. They’re top four again. Noobstradmus is calling this one for the road Blues. McGinley was right. RESULT: Crusaders 2-1
Shoosh. You don’t get to enjoy the whole Michael Bolton catalog and then mouth off here, McGinley.