Ten to Track (Saturday, 9/2/2017)

Apologies, The Management. Your Swope Park (KC) and San Francisco clubs’ games aren’t compelling enough to make the Saturday T2T. You’ll have to write a strongly-worded letter to yourself over what to do about Noob.

[copied from previous post]

Each continental confederation holds its own event to determine which teams get into the World Cup. UEFA is over halfway through their Group Stage. Winners of each group of six will qualify for the WC. Most 2nd-place finishers will advance to a playoff and have another chance to qualify.

1. Spain vs. Italy – UEFA WCQ

These two are tied for 1st in their group. Both will advance. The only question is which one will qualify into the World Cup out of this round and which will have to thump some other 2nd-place finisher to get in.

B. Ukraine vs. Turkey – UEFA WCQ

3rd and 4th place in this group – this at first seem like a throwaway game. But this bunch has no one outstanding team. These two are very much in the thick of the race, and are evenly-matched to boot.

3. Montreal Impact vs. Chicago Fire – MLS

Chicago has dipped to 4th place. The Fire are in danger of not hosting an MLS Cup playoff match if their fall continues. Canadia is not a good place to be heading. Montreal is running away from the whole league.

Image result for Canadia funny  They’re also running from bears.  Bears!!

4. FC Dallas vs. New York Red Bulls – MLS

Dallas slide of late is so bad they’re actually envying Chicago. 7th place has them outside-looking-in for playoffs. Red Bulls will be no easy meat, either.

Image result for FC Dallas meme  The gal isn’t intimidating anyone.  She looks scared for her life.  Canadiaian bears are coming!

[copied from previous T2T]]

It’s very simple in Africa in this the third and final round of their qualification event. 20 teams remain alive, divided into five pods of four. Winners go to the WC. All others are done.

5. Senegal vs. Burkina Faso – CAF WCQ

Burkina Faso is in 1st, but it’s early and Senegal is the better team historically and only a point back. Noob looks for a Group changing of the guard.

Image result for Burkina faso funny  Have their new national team logo your way.

6. Miami FC vs. Puerto Rico FC – NASL

Check out the latest D-Twosday Interview to get PR FC head coach Marco Velez’s deepest thoughts on this #1-#2 matchup. It’s caliente. He’s caliente. Can Noob say that?

Image result for that word means what you think it means  Mandy Patinkin:  soccernoob Editor

7. Louisville City FC vs. Charleston Battery – USL

Noob truly lives up to his moniker. If forced to, Noob would’ve guessed the Battery were from West Virginia. They are from South Carolina, in a metro area well over 4x the size of WV’s capital. We’re all learning here. This is why Noob is.

Oh yeah, and these teams are 1st and 2nd in the Eastern Division.

Image result for charleston dance funny  Charlestons galore

8. Real Monarchs SLC vs. San Antonio FC – USL

Noob has said it before and does so again: Amuricuh! Real means “royal”. We have no kings and queens here. Go, San Antonio fighting chickens! (Noob hopes that’s their nickname anyway.)

Oh yeah. Focus, Noober! 1st vs 2nd in the Western Division.

Image result for aretha franklin queen of soul  Well-played, interwebs.

9. Deportivo Lara vs. Deportiva Tachira – Venezuelan Premier

Venezuela is not Argentina or Brazil when it comes to soccer. Noob knows even experienced Amuricuhn soccerheads aren’t paying attention. But we can expand our horizons a little. It’s free to try. And so! It’s early in this league’s Clausura, but Lara and Tachira are in 2nd and 4th place. Lara’s the surprise here, as they were in the bottom half of the Apertura standings.

10. Orlando Pride vs. Boston Breakers – NWSL

The Pride are in 4th and really much better than 5th place Sky Blue FC. But that doesn’t mean they can afford to fall asleep against last place Boston. Noob hopes they do. Orlando = swamp city. Boo to swamp cities!

Also, are there two teams that more need to switch nicknames than these?

Image result for orlando breakers  Noob wonders how Minnesota St. soccer is doing.

In light of your misdeeds cited at post’s beginning, Noob:

Image result for funny horrible punishment  Love, The Management

Author: Soccernoob

After a year of previewing soccer matches the world over with my own off-brand comedy, I now provide exclusive coverage for the Isle of Sodor Premier League, Championship, and FA Cup. (FC Dryaw 'til I die.)

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