Ten to Track (Friday, 9/1/2017)

1. United States vs. Costa Rica – CONCACAF WCQ

Six teams are vying for three WC slots, and so this single grouping is called “The Hex” (or hexagonal).

The USA sits in 3rd place. Winning the group outright was perhaps never a serious consideration because Mexico is Mexico. But Costa Rica is in 2nd place and this is the country Amuricuh needs to pass. Panama lurks a single point los estados unidos.

B. Mexico vs. Panama – CONCACAF WCQ

And so Amuricuh is probably silently rooting for Mexico. Except Mexican-Americans. They’ll be far more open in their support. Don’t harass Noob.

Image result for Mexican-Americans offended meme  Go after this girl instead.

[copied from previous T2T]

Each continental confederation holds its own event to determine which teams get into the World Cup. UEFA is over halfway through their Group Stage. Winners of each group of six will qualify for the WC. Most 2nd-place finishers will advance to a playoff and have another chance to qualify.

3. Czech Republic vs. Germany – UEFA WCQ

Germany has outscored its opponents 27-1 in this group. The Czechs are have only cashed in nine goals, though are in 3rd place. Noob is something of a Euro-mutt as far as ancestry, but is plenty Czech, so gofightwin! Or at least don’t crap the bed.

Image result for you're not funny meme  You’re right, Richard.  Noob apologizes for that pun.

4. Denmark vs. Poland – UEFA WCQ

The Poles have yet to lose this round. Denmark is tied with surprising-to-Noob Montenegro for 2nd.

Image result for montenegro strong  No need to apologize, headless and armless guy.  We don’t think you’re in the dating pool really.

5. Slovakia vs. Slovenia – UEFA WCQ

Noob cannot love either team, since I have to type five characters deep to differentiate between the two with cntrl-F searches. They are in 2nd and 3rd place respectively, and England isn’t putting tons of space between themselves and these.

Image result for slovakia meme  Yeah, what Batman says!  And…biff.  Pow!

[copied and ediited* from previous T2T]

It’s very simple in Africa in this the third and final round of their qualification event. 2o teams remain alive, divided into five pods of four. Winners go to the WC. All others are done.

6. Nigeria vs. Cameroon – CAF WCQ

These two play twice in five days. Nigeria leads by four points after just two games in the group. Cameroon ought to be every bit as good, but cannot afford a loss and probably needs at least one win to hold out hope for a WC slot.

7. Cape Verde vs. South Africa – CAF WCQ

Cape Verde is pretty fair in recent years, but sits in last this go-round. South Africa is tied for 1st in the group with Burkina Faso.

8. Tunisia vs. DR Congo – CAF WCQ

Guinea and Libya stink out loud, so this group will be decided by these two. Star Wars stuff was shot in Tunisia, so the Noober is kinda diggin’ the home team. Not full Adoption though.

Image result for tunisia star wars set  Tunisia:  “This is why we can’t have nice things!”

9. New Zealand vs. Solomon Islands – OFC WCQ

Here stand the last two teams (of only 11 or 12) from Oceania. They play a two-legged tie for an inter-confederation playoff spot. No auto-qualification into the WC for this bunch.

Image result for two midgets fighting  extrememidgetwrestlingnoob.com?

10. Coquimbe Unido vs. San Luis – Copa Chile

Noob had to break the pattern of WC quals. Round of 16. Coquimbe is fun to say. Put the emphasis on any syllable. Stretch it out. Become a fan.

Image result for fun to say words  Coquimbe.  Coooooquimbe.  Coquimmmmbe.  CoquimBE!!

Author: Soccernoob

After a year of previewing soccer matches the world over with my own off-brand comedy, I now provide exclusive coverage for the Isle of Sodor Premier League, Championship, and FA Cup. (FC Dryaw 'til I die.)

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