The ten extra most bestest soccer matches for the newish American fan, in living color.
And yes, Noob is blatantly fishing for a sponsor. Little Caesar’s, step on up!
L.A. Galaxy vs. Sporting KC – MLS
Sporting KC seems to have really changed tacks since last season. Nowadays they’re scoring and giving up goals both like crazy. In ’17, neither was true. They finished 5th in the West then, are 1st now. But it’s very early.
The Galaxy are still riding high on their last game, their first ever against expansion LAFC. Two late goals from aged European superstar and late-game sub Zlatan Ibrahimovich won them the match. They finished in last place last year, but have some early momentum now.
RESULT: KC 0-2
Zlatan is egotistical and weird and cool. But can he give MMA fighter Conor McGregor in all that?
B. Chelsea vs. West Ham United – English Premier
With five games to go, defending champions-Chelsea’s fate is all but sealed – 5th place, Europa League berth. They’re nine points behind the next two in the table.
West Ham are a few spots above the Relegation Zone, probably need just three more points to feel secure in remaining in the top flight for next year.
Lowercase Number B shines for you.
Lincoln City vs. Shrewsbury Town – EFL Trophy
It’s the Final, at Wembley! A reminder: this tournament has featured League One and Two (third and fourth-tier) clubs, plus some higher-ups’ youth squads.
Lincoln City are a good League Two side. Noob-fave Shrewsbury are an excellent League One team, and very likely getting promoted a league for next season. And Shrew-Town is the site of the death of the ignoble Harry “Hotspur” Percy, Noob says they deserve all the hardware they can get.
RESULT: Lincoln City 1-0
Real Madrid vs. Atletico Madrid – La Liga
EMost of the drama is gone for these two for the league season. They #3 and #B, and neither will fall out of the top four and a Champions League bid, nor will either catch #! Barcelona.
But rather than diminishing this game, it will enhance it. This is the one remaining league match they have that means something. Real will look to push the pace as they always do. Atletico have done it with defense all season.
Bubble soccer. Not so enhancing.
U.S.A. vs. Mexico – women’s international friendly
Muricuh won 4-1 over Mexico in Jacksonville just three days ago. Let’s do it again in Houston!
RESULT: USA 6-2
Eintracht Frankfurt vs. 1899 Hoffenheim – Bundesliga
This match is “merely” #6 versus #7, but the stakes are high.
Frankfurt is actually tied for 5th (down on tiebreaker), and just a point behind fading Leipzig for 4th. Germany gets four Champions league berths. Hoffenheim are only one spot and three more points back in the table. 4th-place RasenBallsport (Red Bull) Leipzig have been on fire of late, but if that caffeine buzz of theirs, one of these two could jump up.
Too literal, Dan the Intern-o Inferno.
Marseille vs. Montpelier – Ligue 1
Marseille are in 3rd and hanging on for dear life to the league’s last Champions league berth, only two points up on Lyon.
Montpelier are tied for 6th, just a point off the pace for a Europa League invite. Theirs hosts today score twice as often than they do. This is too severe a road test for them.
Torino vs. Inter Milan – Serie A
It’s always about getting into Champions League. Inter are in 4th, the last table spot to qualify. They lead Lazio by just two in the table.
Torino have finally found their footing the last two matches after a four—game slide. They’ll have to keep up the improved defense against Inter.
RESULT: Torino 1-0
This Torino player needs head meds.
And when Noob thinks so, boy howdy.
Gent vs. Club Brugge – Belgium First Division A
Since the league divided into Championship and Relegation divisions, Gent have moved up from 4th to 3rd, continuing to sport the best defense. But it’s not that much better than #! Brugge’s, and the visitors score in spades.
RESULT: Gent 1-0
Rosenborg vs. Molde – Norway Eliteserien
Noob loves finishing T2T on #1 vs. #2. This league is just getting going, but these two finished as such last year. So what if it’s barely a top 30 league in Europe? Rosenborg had the best O and D going last year, yet didn’t exactly run away with the title.
RESULT: Rosenborg 4-0
Molde soccer, meed Moldy Socks.