10 to Track (Sat., 12/2/17)

The World Cup draw has been announced!  And Noob will weigh in soon enough.  But we have the joy of perusing Saturday’s ten very best games from the perspective we share – that of the newish American fan’s perspective.

Today’s reminder:  Check back later on any 10 to Track to see results.

  1.  Monterrey vs. Pachuca – Copa MX (FA Cup)

The Final!  No neutral site here, league #1 Monterrey gets to play for the title on their own turf in Guadalupe.  Somehow. Pachuca has had the seemingly easier path here, despite finishing 12th in the Apertura standings.  They give up over twice as many goals as their hosts.  This may get muy feo.   But not for a bit!   This one’s now listed as 12/21

B.  U.A.N.L vs. America – Liga MX

This match is part of the Liguilla, not the FA Cup referenced above.  The top teams from this league’s last half-season, the Apertura, face off in this mini-tournament.   This is Leg 2 of the Semifinal.  #2 UANL beat #3 America 1-0 on the road in the first match.   On, UANL!   RESULT:   UANL   3-0

Image result for america fc

 

FC AmericaS, or FC Western Hemisphere more like it.  Can Noob start a team called FC Planet Earth?

 

3.  Arsenal vs. Manchester United – English Premier

Noob’s not certain 4th place Arsenal has the defense to remain there.  Man Utd is in a class by itself for scoring.  They’re much better than the rest of the league, except for Man City.  Man City is much better than everyone.   RESULT   Man Utd   1-3

  1. 4.  Fleetwood Town vs. Hereford – English FA Cup

Fleetwood!!!   Noob does not care that Fleetwood Mac is from London and not Fleetwood, Lancashire.  You must go down!  Just thinking about Stevie Nicks opening her mouth to let sound out raises my ire!   That Ethel Merman-esque vibrato has no place in a universe with an omnibenevolent God.  This musical version of the philosophical Problem of Evil makes Noob crazy!  CraziER…

Um, right!  Footyball.   Fleetwood is a mid-pack League One (tier three) squad.  Hereford is a pretty darn good side for seventh-tier.  Our Minnow Watch visitors are known as “The Bulls”, named for the Hereford cattle breed.   They’ll have to replay this one, but with accursed Fleetwood on the road this time – muahahaha.   RESULT:   1-1

Image result for ethel merman disco album

 

 

Was this referenced in Dante’s Inferno?

 

 

5.  Atletico Madrid vs. Real Sociedad – Spanish Premier

Atletico and Real Madrid are tied for 3rd place, in another league that sends four to the C.L.  Real Sociedad sits in 7th, one spot out of even Europa League qualification.  They have almost the worst defense of anyone in the top 2/3 of La Liga.   RESULT:   Atletico Madrid   2-1

6.  Bayer Leverkusen vs. Borussia Dortmond – German Bundesliga

Dortmond started the season like a house afire, but have slid to 5th place.  They haven’t won a match since a week before Halloween.  They’re unmatched on offense, but give up goals now like a sieve.  Can Leverkusen pass them as well?  They’re just a spot back in the table.   Dortmond struggled yet again.   Leverkusen lost a man to a red card in the first half when up 1-0, and Dortmond still coudn’t secure a victory.   RESULT:   1-1

Image result for borussia dortmund memes

 

 

To Germans, this is probably one serious zinger. 

 

 

 

7.  Besiktas vs. Galatsaray – Turkey Super Lig

Defending league champ Besiktas is in 4th.  Their scoring is WAY down.  Galatsaray, meanwhile, has the league’s best offense AND defense working.  This league only gets two Champions League berths.   Welcome back, Besiktas!   RESULT:   Besiktas   3-0

8.  Ferencvaros vs. Videoton – Hungary NB 1

Noob has perhaps been lax in his coverage duties.   Apologies, Hungary.   But now you bring us #2 hosting #1.  You have our attention.  The visitors have a whopping 40 goals in just 17 games.

Noob thinks their name sounds like a cheap video rental store.  Do those even exist anymore?   RESULT:   Ferencvaros   3-1

Air Bud 3 Poster

 

 

If so, no doubt one can rent the third, direct-to-video installment from this series there. 

 

 

9.  Ulsan Hyundai vs. Busan I’Park – Korean FA Cup

It’s Leg 2 of the final!   Good on Busan – a division two team – for making the Final, but their hopes are looking dim.   They dropped the first Leg 1-2, and now have to try and make a comeback on the road against an excellent top-flight team.   Congrats on the Cup title!    The draw was all you needed today.   RESULTL:   0-0

10.  Holstein Kiel vs. Fortuna Dusseldorf – 2. Bundesliga

The top two teams from Germany’s second division both automatically qualify for promotion to top flight next season.  These two are #1 and #2 respectively.  Classic face off here, as Dusseldorf is the league’s best defense and Kiel scores the most goals.

And yes, this is the second sub-entry today with a cattle name.   RESULT:   2-2

Image result for Hereford Holstein cattle

 

cattlenoob .com?

Author: Soccernoob

After a year of previewing soccer matches the world over with my own off-brand comedy, I now provide exclusive coverage for the Isle of Sodor Premier League, Championship, and FA Cup. (FC Dryaw 'til I die.)

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