Noob D-Twos-day Interviews!

Welcome to the newest feature!  Second division American soccer (NASL and USL) coaches will now be interviewed each and every Tuesday – get excited!  I -know- they are.

Last Saturday, I snuck past Puerto Rico FC head coach Marco Velez’s gatekeeper like Christian Pulisic stealthily getting in behind a fullback.  The phone interview was short though.  I think I erred in judgement catching him so soon after that evening’s 0-0 tie against San Francisco Deltas.  So let’s go back to the well a second time!

Noob:  Coach Velez, thanks for agreeing to talk with me again.

Coach Velez:  Tio Jorge?

Noob:  Is that what your secretary told you?  *laughing* Oh, she’s a ham.  *cough*

Coach Velez:  Who is this?

Noob:  Of course it’s me, the SoccerNoob from!

Coach Velez:  Dios mio, you’re that oddball who somehow had my cell number on Saturday.   When I find you–

Noob:  You don’t have to, we’re talking right here for our new D-Twosday coaching interview segment.  

Coach Velez:  I’m gonna–

Noob:  –give us fabulous insights into the breath-taking world of tier two footballl, I’m know, I’m excited!  You’re 1-0-1 now after an utterly miserable one-win Spring Season campaign.  Do you think Jacksonville Armada will be sleeping on your guys tomorrow since they have #1 FC Miami lurking a few days later?

Coach Velez:  You’re such an– Wait, that wasn’t bad.  Um, yes, we’re improving.  You really think we could take J’ville?

Noob:  Nope.

Coach Velez:  Ass hat.  *hangs up*

Well, those insights were rich and aromatic.  Thanks, Puerto Rico FC head coach Marco Velez.  You’ll always be number one in our hearts.  Even if you certainly sink back to #8 in the NASL again.



Author: Soccernoob

After a year of previewing soccer matches the world over with my own off-brand comedy, I now provide exclusive coverage for the Isle of Sodor Premier League, Championship, and FA Cup. (FC Dryaw 'til I die.)

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