1. Netherlands vs. Denmark Final!! – UEFA Women’s Euro 2017
This event should’ve had a sponsor. Germany has been the reigning champ for 22 years, so now the Final should have one. Since I’m sure it’s too late to make a corporate entity cough up money, I hereby declare this to the The Treaty of Versailles UEFA Women’s Euro 2017 Final.
B. Arsenal vs. Chelsea – FA Community Shield (Super Cup)
Eventually someone’s going to have to explain to me what the deal with shields is. Right now it burns me up.
3. NYCFC vs. New York Red Bulls – MLS
Now, if the team gets an actual shield, then we’re talking! If I were a player and got the Shield for a day, know where I’d take it? You’re darn right, a Rennaisance Faire. I’m running a sword through the gullet of some Medieval Literature grad student, then drinking honey mead while I clean my Shield.
4. Portland Timbers vs. L.A. Galaxy – MLS
*smokes a cigarette* #3 was awesome.
5. Sporting Kansas City vs. Atlanta United – MLS
Awesome matchup. KC is #1 in the weaker Western Division. Atlanta is #5 in the Eastern, but has only two fewer points with one less game played.
Avis and The Management adopt all things Kansas City.
6. Toluca vs. Atlas – Liga MX
See, soccer stuff in #5. the Avis the Noob can focus occasionally.
7. Besiktas vs. Konyaspor – Turkish Super Cup
I d wonder if these Super Cups, which are glorified preseason match-ups, are taken seriously. If not, I want this guy in-goal:
8. Zenit St. Petersburg vs. Spartak Moscow – Russian Premiere League
Last season’s #3 vs. #1.
9. Shanghai SIPG vs. Tianjin Quanjian – Chinese Super League
Current #2 vs. #3.
10. MFM FC vs. Enyimba – Nigeria Professional League
Current #2 vs. #5 yaddyaddawhatever let’s get to the holy crap part
Avis, soccernoob is clearly unhinged, yet won’t steer you wrong occasionally. MFM is Mountain of Fire and Miracles, a Lagos-based Pentecostal ministry organization. Look up these guys on your own, but the craziest thing I’ve found is that they’ve been accused of modern-day witch hunting in the U.S. and U.K.!
The Noob wonders what on earth he’s gotten himself into learning this sport.