A Noob farewell to Dan the Intern-o Inferno

It’s a bittersweet time here at Noob.  1/3 of our staff is departing.

Dan the Intern-o Inferno has been an integral part of the site since its inception a year ago.  The Inferno’s visual artwork efforts, research, and general technical abilities have been first class.

But nothing in this life is forever, least of all internship positions.  It had been hoped D double-I could be talked into staying on.  Alas, plying him with a fancier title (Director of Fancy Interblag Stuff – see, told you it was fancier) wasn’t enough incentive in the end.

Let’s add some mood music.

Noob would’ve done anything to keep him on board.  It’s hard to believe some other organization could win his heart.  That is, until considering we all learned early on where his passion most truly lies:  Swedish women’s soccer.

Dan will serve as Assistant to the Deputy Director of Public Relations at the SvFF (Swedish Football Association).  It’s a little unclear to Noob what exactly that will entail.  Frankly, it wasn’t made clear in the reference phone call I fielded from the head office in Solna.

In truth, Noob almost wonders if Dan isn’t just moving there with no gig in hand to try getting paid piecemeal for freelance photography at matches.  In cafes.  Outside apartment buildings…

The Management would like to apologize on behalf of all – ok, both – of us here at Noob to Dan the former Intern-o Inferno.  Noob’s contract gives him full creative control over content he creates.  I can’t delete it, nor can I believe I was hounded into that during our negotiations.  All I can do is add remarks like this.

So, sorry.  Noob’s direct implications that Dan is unemployed and moving to Sweden to discreetly take pictures of fit, attractive Swedish women does NOT reflect the opinion of the rest of us.  Which is me.   Lordy, we’re getting sued for sure.

Um, thanks for that, The Management!  It’s a wonder you choose to put pen to paper at all, ever.

Rather than worry about who’s suing whom and fetishes and whatever, let’s relive some of Dan’s awesome contributions to Noob over its first year.


Dan’s master’s piece – an homage to Weird Al and in-house prognosticator Noob-stradamus, plus an unofficial slogan for this site.

The Inferno understood Noob well.

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The Inferno added to Noob’s nightmares with this barely-relevant super creepy Swiss map.


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Here’s Dan from that same post, expressing his readiness for one of our many battles.


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Correctly sensing Noob’s instability, Dan attempts to deescalate things with suggested reading.



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Here’s Dan getting confused over Noob’s request for a moolah image.

Mullah.  What a knee-slapper of a gaffe!


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Noob did NOT let Dan do work related to Number B after this bit of tomfoolery. 

Or was it subversion?!

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Though those ankles aren’t Swedish, was Dan starting to give anything away with this little add-on in an April Track?


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Dan never did get that in Turkey they spell it Super Lig.




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Dan the Intern-o Inferno made sure he was never the only thing on fire in the footballing world.


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Dan rose above his station in mocking Noob when his glasses and face got wrecked by an errant dough ball.


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Here’s Dan being sad about the early 90’s desktop with which Noob saddled him.


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Aaaaand here was the evolution of Dan’s feelings about the desktop machine.

What a cad!


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And here was Dan going all ocotopus-Jeremy Piven about wanting to resolve his emotions.

Look out, Sweden…


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Proving his loyalty in the oddest of ways, Dan stole the God Particle prop from Angles & Demons.




Lobos de BUAP from Liga MX got seriously Intern-o’ed.





Yep.  You knew he’d go there…


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…but THIS came as more of a surprise.

(Noob rarely runs blue.)



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Dan understandably found assignments like Algerian football research less than thrilling.


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Dan taught Noob a valuable lesson about internet research.

(“Sofia domination” isn’t specific enough for researching Bulgarian soccer.) 


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Dan the Intern-o Inferno and The Management had a love child, and Noob won’t be talked out of the theory.

(It’s funnier if you know them both from RL.)


PhotoDan’s homage to Scott Baio in his Polish FA Cup assignment was priceless.

As was and is Dan.  Thanks for being a great “intern” and even better friend.


Author: Soccernoob

After a year of previewing soccer matches the world over with my own off-brand comedy, I now provide exclusive coverage for the Isle of Sodor Premier League, Championship, and FA Cup. (FC Dryaw 'til I die.)

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